Mastering the Art of Black Swan Mirroring
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- čas přidán 15. 07. 2021
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Black Swan mirroring is not the mirror that you hear. And also the nonsense where you know if they put their hand to their chin, you put your hand to your chin, if they lean to one side, you lean to the same side.
This is not a body language mirror. You know that’s, that doesn’t even come from a great place. mirroring is starting out by repeating the last 123 words of what the other person has just said, is just said, Yeah, the last one to three words. See, I just may read myself. Yeah, the last one to three-ish words, it could be one word, it could be three words, it is the least amount of thought. It’s the simplest mechanism there is you don’t even have to contemplate somewhere in the dim recesses of your mind.
No matter how startled and flummoxed you are by the insanity. It’s coming from the other side, you can pull out the last one to three words. And it’s a great skill to use when someone has just said something that has just sort of so caught you off guard that you’re just flummoxed. You don’t know what to say to it’s a great way to give you time and contemplation without having the other side have any idea. That’s what you’re doing.
So it’s great to get you back on your feet. Now what does it do the other side, they want to talk some more. They love it. Not only do they want to talk some more. And this is another example of how a black swan tool is a next-level tool. If you didn’t understand something that somebody just said, you probably say what did you mean by that? Common guidance? ask good questions. Gather information. That’s a word question. What did you mean by that? What are they going to do? Quite likely, they’re going to repeat what they just said with the exact same words only ladder just like an American overseas. Yeah, well, I want to don’t it you know, when you’re pointing out a croissant and in France, give me that doughnut? What I’ve done it you know, we say it again.
But we do that to each other. Because for whatever reason, the words that we’ve chosen in our brain, make the most sense for our vernacular. Now, many times it’s got to be rewarded. And a mirror actually gets people to say the same thing in different words. And it will be more enlightening for you and for them. You know, my son, Brandon, he is he’s got a great story, which I think is probably in a book. We’re prepping to do a training. And we’re trying to get the notebooks together. But when I say no book, I got one picture in my head and, and he’s got a different picture in his head. Now in his head, a notebook is basically a folder with pockets. And that is not what we’re supposed to be getting together. And so I asked him literally I say, hey, you know, the notebooks ready? And he goes, what do you mean by notebooks because he suspects that we’re not on the same sheet of music. So what do I do? Now blocks, I say the same word again, only louder and we go through the three times until finally he
There’s me. He goes notebooks. And I go, yeah, three-ring binders.
And he’s like, look how in my mind, a notebook and a three-ring binder are two distinct things. And that’s what the mirror does, you know, and he married me and I and I probably did calm down a little bit. So mirroring is just repeating the last 123 ish words. A lot of people say, Well, can I repeat words that weren’t just the last ones? And the answer is, yeah, when you get good at it, then that mirror becomes a surgical tool that you can use all over the conversation to guide things you said don’t even know you’re doing.
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For those wondering what he meant by the last 15 seconds.... think of mirroring as 2 purposes
1. Acknowledgement of having heard the person like when you repeat back the grocery list.
2. A means to either redirect conversation or learn more about something or do both.
If someone says Troy smith is a former Leo of 33 years who spent 23 years in San Antonio pd. All but one year of his career were with specialized units...
Specialized units! Got it.
Specialized units?
33 years?
All but one year?
They are all asking diff things and have diff purposes
This is great! Thanks for sharing, Ekta!
Nicely put ekta love it ❤ specially they way you describe the first 1st one
@@ujjwalmishra928 even more nuanced is when you use a mirror to either feign or show real skepticism by combining with a minimal encourager
Like “oh really! 3 million dollars?”
Or “3 million dollars, no way!“
Or “3 million dollars, huh 🤔! “
At this point it is showing something diff than a straight mirror
This is the nuance often missed by too many who do it robotically
Man this skill is blowing my mind. And your application and example using the specialized units portion is really rewriting my logic.
I’m in hvac sales, and while I was at the beginning of my career I was asking good questions, generally because I wanted to be helpful, and mostly because I didn’t understand their concerns or process.
So initially I would ask, “what about the current system is not working right for you?” And they would tell me “airflow isn’t getting into my bedroom” or many other things they might dislike.
As I said, in my beginning stages I would inquire into it with follow up questions. “What do you mean?” “So what you’re saying is….” Or something else (which realizing now is more work with less return than simply mirroring 1-3 words, but alas, was acceptable at the time).
But as time grew on and I had 2 years of experience and lots of classes learning about the subject… I stopped mirroring, and stopped asking questions. I noticed my customers felt less positive with me, and less trusting with me. I was so stupid for not realizing that my arrogance was causing me to lose sales.
Because after a while, when I was asking the question, “what problems do you have?”
“Air flow to bedroom…” I would simply respond “sounds harsh, got it” (mentally I would be preparing to inspect the equipment/ductwork/dampers to the bedroom, which is useful as a technician, but the cold approach and not delving deeper into the problem by mirroring is actually worse for building rapport).
My experience was causing me to lose.
So rather I’ve learned that a good mirror, and good pain management with customers would be more like
“So what airflow problems have you noticed with your current system?”
“I don’t get enough air in the masterbedroom”
“Enough air in the master?”
“Yeah it doesn’t seem to blow out as much”
“Not getting enough air to the bedroom seems like it’s very uncomfortable on the cold nights, when you’re not getting enough warmth in there.”
It’s strange but it really is night and day compared to
“What airflow problems have you been dealing with?”
“Not enough air in the bedroom”
“Okay, I’ll take a look at it, and see what I can do”
It seems like you had to say 'calm down' for a fair reason. I was there too. It appears Tactical Empathy in a negotiation works for you to make the right deal without spending lots of calories, Chris
Mirroring is a useful technique but being able to infiltrate a persons mind through body language and voice patter recognition is king
Please elaborate and details on this or resources?
@@SuperAnwar1 you need to learn how to be empathetic first. Then learn body language reading. You also need to be naturally inclined with being hyper sensitive as well ad somewhat paranoid
If women crosses their legs standing infront of you does that mean defensive?
@@bedadays1763look at there feet , if it is not pointing in your direction they probably don't want to be around you (fear)
@@The_Consciousness what does feet locked standing mean?
Love u chris
I'm probably going to come off as critical for the sake of being critical. You might find me disingenuous. Mirrors have made things worse for me.
Mirrors have created or increased agitation when I used them. I decided to use mirrors and simply repeated words back with an upward inflection. I did it so much that they started feeling interrogated. My lesson learned was that like sugar or salt, too much of a good thing can be toxic. Now I remember to go silent and listen better. It works much better.
The other example is when I've used a mirror without an upward inflection. My counterpart got annoyed told me I was using some technique I read somewhere. I just made things worse. My lesson learned is to avoid using a mirror without an upward inflection until I understand how to do it right.
Can someone help me out with this one because I'm trying to figure this one out?
Don't always use mirrors. They will know. You should try using labels as well. I.e. it looks like, it seems like, it sounds like, then try and label the emotion or feeling they are havong regarding what they are saying. Eberything boils down to how a person feels" -tony robbins. I believe mixing mirror and labeling together is how black swan group get to the massively powerful technique of tactical empathy, if I'm right, which I'm still new to this too, your half way there. Keep up the good work..
Well said!
It is also not what you said, but how you say it. Labeling comes out easier than a mirror.
Sometime, mirroring can seem forced when you use it too often.
What I read was mirroring was like mocking someone so they see how stupid they look.
How stupid they look? My thought is if you say it in a curious tone instead of a mocking tone, then they don’t feel mocked.
3 ring binders is allot of study time. 📖
This is true!
What does mirroring look like when the majority of communication is over email? Does it work?
Mirroring would not be the best technique via email. I would learn more about labeling (ie. It sounds, seems, and feels like...)
Mirroring over email?
So goood…
Thanks!
Eyes Wide Shut. Tom Cruise did this through out the entire film.
Great spot. I found it incredibly annoying and obvious throughout that film, like he had a bloody hearing problem or something
Yeah that moon shape donut she enjoyed 😉, 10m calories less lolol simply amazing
Who are the haters hitting dislike 😂
Definitely no more than five
Succeed?
Stop joke forever Mai più
Amateur....! Linguistic mirroring for beginners