What is "mirroring"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
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Being with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say may and will be used against you.
MY GOSH, you are so right!
That's right, you have to be careful what you say to people. Even friends use your words against you.
absolutely!!!
So true. Itâs such a breach of trust. But they do it over and over again. Somehow....thank God for this knowledge. đđŒ
@Anabelle, so well said.
This is why itâs so important to not tell your stuff right away to any new person. Narcissists steal your personality and transfer their nastiness onto you.
Heather Lynn so true.
True
Heather Lynn sad but true đ.
100% fact. They are 100% thieves.
Heather Lynn absolutely!
I've learned it's a safety issue, don't share your stories with just anyone, let them earn your trust. Your stories are your gifts to share.
This is so true. What I recommend is that you have a fictional story to tell people. Something quite simple, and believable. And change the details depending on the person you are talking to. Why do we need to share our stories with anyone? To gain their trust? Absolutely not. We do that so the other person can reciprocate, but people hardly ever, if ever, do.
Absolutely!
Sharing personal stories can be both positive and negative..Positive aspects are that one's stories served as a significant sign posts as đđđđđđâąïžâïžđźđ»đâŁïžđž to warning â ïž others from falling into the chickens holes that could result in broken whatever parts of bodies are vulnerable mostly..The negative aspects are that the Devil's Narc. Individuals are being exposed naked in public..That would be the MOST HUMILIATION that anyone can endure and CAN NEVER REGAIN TRUST OR CREDIBILITY to anyone else afterwards..Period..
@@user-yw5hm4fy2i It's a safety issue! Never share your stories with someone you just met to be SAFE!. No ifs ands or buts.
@@user-yw5hm4fy2i You have completely missed the point. "Naked in public" WTF!
My mom does this. She has taken my thoughts and interests and made them her own, goes on telling about them as her own. But it feels more like identity theft than mirroring.
I understand how you feel. One of my sisters did this for quite a while until she started turning on me because I withdrew from her and became less available to her. Itâs been two years and sheâs acquired flying monkeys to befriend me with the intention of getting information. What she may not realize is I know this because some have told me what sheâs doing. With most of these people I have kept a on a need to know basis. Which means I say nothing in response to them saying awful things about her. First of all, it doesnât matter if she is still wasting her time trying to get a negative response from me. I have acquaintance type of conversations with these people and it doesnât take long to figure out there agenda. Just a couple of questions, like how was your visit and what did you do while here. Usually Iâll get info like, oh I saw so and so and boy sheâs still acting crazy or I saw so and so and wow, sheâs still mad at you. lol all I say is â but what else did you do?â Itâs those people that circle around and bring up so and so again and again who in my experience are definitely flying monkeys for so and so. Just my experience with this and my life is so much healthier and calmer
@@candiceparr4174 u r pretty clever. in a way i sort of admire this.
@@ChrisTina-pl5jq please separate yourself from them. Tell them less about yourself the less the can try to compete or act as if they are stealing. Iâm real quick to confront someone and say stop trying to copy by life are you that lost. I understand if you havenât got to that point but you honestly should distance yourself from them. They have mental issues and low self worth. Trying to steal from you shows they are willing to go low.
@@candiceparr4174 if I were u I would tell her less about my personal life. Itâs annoying after some point
@@candiceparr4174 thatâs a smart move to lessen your convo. Ppl like that donât like there own life and barely have a life so they live in a fantasy island đŽ lol ik someone who does this and they recently found out that someone else was copying them just like they copy others. They can dish it but canât take it.
ANYONE who leaves you scratching your head, and questioning yourself, needs to go. They are mind-gaming, and not likely to be worth your time, effort and affection.
For real though I remember now saying quote "what is wrong with this guy why is he mad about this, why is he not replying to my text or anything?"
How can I understand this person more.. how can I make him happy... (When in reality the narcistic already knew that the fear tactic would work)
Good call
Friends are narcissistic, too I was played for one.
Top comment: đŻđŻđŻ AGREE. I wish I had read your comment 5 months ago. It would have saved me a lot of grief.
They understand empathy, they just donât feel empathy.
Empathy for them is a thing to be exploited.
@@silentgrove7670 idgi how do they exploit it? Do they use it for narcissistic fuel?
ki things that we care about or sensitive about, they will use it to hurt us, which is what they love because their sadist
They have the physiological ability to feel empathy but they use that capability as a weapon instead.
They switch it on and off, whatever promises the least conflict with their explanations about themselves. An exploit mechanism is gaslighting you into doubting you feel or feel enough, then exploiting doubt and guilt by asking sth. of you as restitution.
âBeware of the naked man who offers you his shirt.â EXCELLENT, Dr. Ramani!
Emulating, they study you and then try to assume your identity and pass themselves off as you - trying to esteem themselves as if they are as unique as you are. The mimic those they admire, then try to destroy them. So once they've studied and copied you, they slander you, telling people you are copying them. It's very creepy. It feels like identity theft.
julia912 d I couldnât of said it better myself. This is happening to me by my sibling and I canât seem to escape it
Really good insight. I remember she 'accidentally' said she had been sober the number of years i was, when hers was not very many years. It was more like IMPERSONATION than emulation. Definitely feels like identity theft.
This is what Wade Robson did to Michael Jackson & Amber Heard did to Johnny Depp. I wish people would see through their NPD/ASPD personalities. Coz they went all out to destroy the one they idolised & mirrored.
Excellent!
Wow. This is true. When I have pointed out my husband imitating things I do he immediately denies it and tells me âIâm the one that gave you the idea!â Smh
When I think about the good times and why I loved him I realize that it was during this mirroring time... so in all reality I suppose I really love myself lol...
Super good point!
And I am so kind, sweet and trustfull. Just wonderful!
Lol this was the most potent revelation - like OMG Iâm actually kind, loving, expansive and errrrthang in between.
exactly that. Keep tht Always in mind.
Now think about sex and it will seem like one big self screw. Masturbation on steroids with a narc
This woman is helping so many people with her articulate and validating info on narcissists.
She is an angel for so many.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I'm đ grateful
This is her divine purpose đđŒđđŒđđŒđđŒ
hear hear
If hadnt seen her videos, I would have suffered many more years
She saved my life just today! One comment, and all the confusion that had me convinced I was on the brink of psychosis just evaporated! Godâs soldier here. Thank you!
"imitation game" is a great description. The narcissist creates an imitation of an actual relationship. A real relationship can nourish, nurture, and activate both people, but just like eating a plastic orange, there is only a suggestion of sweetness and flavor
A masterful narcissist can continually keep us interested in "plastic fruit" until we forget what real fruit tastes like.
Ive had quite enough of plastic fruit to last a lifetime. And Ill accept no more!!
I realize that I will attract a narcissist within 10 seconds of entering a room. I have a horrible time identifying niceness, for data mining, or common interests vs. mirroring. This is from distortion for years at the hand of my mom and sis. Now I know to pay attention and set boundaries early on. It is hard for us people pleasers to break the cycle.
Good job owning it. We're the only ones we can change. Power back in our own hands,
It's the same for me. Even with a mask on my face.
Yes.....................boundaries......................boundaries................................boundaries.................
Yep, this is why their personality changes from person to person, it's because they're mirroring everyone!
So how do you honestly know when you can genuinely trust someone, as opposed to someone who is just doing this bullshit?
I saw your comment, and I had to ask this question, and if you would please be gracious enough to answer, I would truly appreciate a response.
All I know is we live in a "user" mindset society, and I am not just talking here in America, it seems to be a global mindset.
@@thecowboy9698 I'm not Paul, but like to try and this is my idea: Observe the narcissist candidate in his interactions with others to see to what degree s/he changes, especially values and ideations. Most revealing will be interactions with their professional peers, who could see through grandiose claims. When confronted, a narcissist could try to distort your explanations of past observations instead of (for example) admitting mistakes, lapses, or lessons learned; i.âŻe. instead of admitting weakness.
So true!!
Paul T It's demonic.đ±
Facts I have seen it first hand
I never felt flattered when someone mirrors me, quite the opposite. It gets on my nerves.
Agree, to me it feels inappropriately intrusive.
It's boring isn't it? We know what's going on with ourselves...
Same here, it also irritates me to the core especially if it was something meaningful to me. Iâd literally feel uncomfortable to the point where Iâd âhideâ my personality/experiences whenever around them.
Lucky you
Michela J
I found it odd and unsettling, like they were trying to take credit for being ME
The whole quote is actually this:
âImitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.â Credited to Oscar Wilde
Itâs meant to be a caution about and a slight dig at people who have no authentic sense of self and just mimic others for their own gain.
Not everyone can be a genius.
Wow Iâve honestly never seen the entire quote, I love that
thank you! I had always heard the first part only
They have NO authentic sales of self!!!! That is the truth right there!
I have literally caught him mirroring me when be didnât know I was watchingâŠ. It was creepy but funny at the same timeâŠ..
Because I had finally realized he was mentally ill!
My former partner who was a narcissist would use my traumas and wounds against me and talk about them so nonchalantly. He knew what he was doing and it was to keep me under his thumb and use it against me when needed.
How did u overcome it?
@@yenyenkok6549 kicked his @ss to the curb.
All of those traumas were bonding you to him
Narcissist frend said to me, "it's ok you can tell me anything" I Laughed. đ€Ł He was probably conused...or knew exactly what I was thinking
can relate
My boyfriend and I had an argument and he said to me, " That's why your family hates you". He stored information about me and used it to attack me. He is trying to come back in my life now, but that last remark hurt too much, because my family put me through hell. For him to use that against me, hurt more than anything he has done.
Zarasha1 do not let him back in, run.
Mine did the same! Then 6 months hoover, no fuckin way!
@@yondergirl83 I'm glad you didn't let him back in. The abuse only gets worse.
Good for you. May Allah continue to protect you. Ameen
Wow, he's trash. đŻ
"Flattering is not a good to start a relationship in general." Noted.
Excessive flattery makes me nervous and uncomfortable.
You should really start out as friends. Skip the whole dating/peacocking.
None of it's real anyway, even if they aren't Narcissists.
What you really want is a partner to share your life with, not a romantic comedy disaster.
@@sigmakodiak1701 Exactly.
How is that? complimenting the other person is what i do, with some push pull
@@tommydawson7147 - "Push pull?" Also known as manipulation.
Some narcissist criticize you n laugh at you n then do the exact same thing n pass it on as their idea or personality. I always thought it was jealousy..wasn't aware of mirroring. Thank Dr.Ramani
In my experience, Iâve always said the Narcissist in my life cannot come up with authenticate/ original content on his own. Rather, he takes what ever the information I put out there and sends it back to me or to whomever as if it were HIS thoughts, ideals, positions, etc. He piggybacks off of everything that I do or say.
Shannon Gould,You look pretty đčđčđ„,you don't need a narc đ in your life!!
Ditto here. You said it perfectly. My narc of 26 years even does this with our adult children. He thinks he has a relationship with his son and daughter and me because if imitation. He has even copied my facial expressions while I'm telling a story. I've stopped mid sentence and have asked what the h*'ll are you doing? ... drum roll please ... guess what ... He denies it !!!!
True. Its hard for me to imagine concepts kn my head..I have to start off with an idea or image first, but after that my art will more detailed than anyone
Yes! Iâve experienced this as well .. theyâre really air heads with no sense of self. Real weirdo vibes đđ©
Yes!!! I've always wondered if this is a part of narcissism or maybe he is just a little brain dead after all the drugs he's done in his life. Lol
Mirroring & projection is something the narcissist is very good at or they used to be . But I don't fall for alot of their bs anymore . Narcissist are nothing but low grade actors .
True
Mikey, my man. I'll swap you two high grade for four low grades if you can give me a decade of my life back. I'll even throw in a couple of bullets.
Or how about you keep the lot and I'll throw in an unlimited supply of rounds.
I'm joking of course because if I seriously think about it I'd have no empathy and be a narc myself. One behind bars than six on the loose does make sense though. How many likes of encouragement do I needâœ
Amen
My ex was always saying what a great actor he was ... I should have taken notice of this
@@nellsmith9721 On a similar vein, one thing that my Ex used to say a lot and with a sense of pride whenever he'd get one up on someone was 'You can't con a con'.
Oh yes! I was vegan when I met him, he said he was vegan too. Everything I was or liked or disliked, he did too but later he switched to everything I liked, he disliked. Everything I disliked, he liked. It was very confusing.
Yeah it's a classic sign of a narc
Does yours also tell you after he switches to the opposite likes and dislikes that you just hate everything he likes? Like making you the immature or rude one in the situation?
I literally thought it was just me who dealt with his. Come to find out there is a whole slew of us!
Yes. This is my experience as well. They are liars.
Ellena Eller that happened to me
Narcissists are high in cognitive empathy - the ability to read others' emotions, and low in affective empathy - the ability to share others' feelings.
In a way, mirroring is the narcissist using our own narcissism against us. They reflect an idealized version of ourselves back at us, making us fall in love with how they represent us or how we think they see us. When we finally fall for it and want more of it, thatâs when they drop the hammer, and we realize that, during the whole process, we were no better than the narcissist, lapping up the idealized version of ourselves. Their devaluation is them taking the idealized version of us in the complete opposite direction: we go from being the most amazing person in the world to being worthless, and we allow them to define us that way in hopes that we can one day prove them wrong with our unending love... holding out hope that theyâll once again reflect that shiny image of ourselves back to us again. Tricky lil narcs. But too bad, baby. Tricks are for kids and Mommaâs all grown up now. đ
đđđđ
Very accurate comment...
Ding ding ding. Exactly this. She's nothing but a moron using a mask I put on to speak with her. I never felt comfortable. It was always chaotic. Being around her means you have to have Stockholm syndrome. When I still looked at her stuff, she just looked sad, pathetic and empty trying to still copy a version of who she thought I was. But I never actually had any fun because I was brainwashed. None of it was real on either side
Great take!
Its so f#ckn good đą
Dr Romani is the Narcissist's Kryptonite đ
Queen đ Ramani!
Dr Ramani saved my life
@@gioovannabp Yep without doubt shes saved & helped lots people lives , she's great woman & narc expert.....Reading through comments over last like month since i found her channel, I've lost count to amount people thanking her for saving them.....She should be called Saint Ramani tbh lolđđ because amount lives she's saved
Huh, yuh right!
Anytime I want him to go away I simply play a video. Within seconds he'll hear her voice and/or the N word and off he goes hahaha
Anytime I "feel" someone gets me, I know they are up to something no good.
Rosanna Miller sad but true
So true, I get y... cough cough.
I dont get you. So what's your passcode to the safe?
@@gdolphy đźđ
Yep, especially if they say we have SO MUCH in common!
I would write "I get that", but ....
I kept asking myself why my soulmate had to be a narcissist. Well this was eye opening.
There was no soul mate, only an empty shell aping back what she saw and convincing me how we're so incredibly alike.
Yeah. Thought there was something special but just manipulation
This was a revelation that really helped me when I would lament about how much we had in common.
Fell in the same âholeâ for short time âŠlol But I have a question⊠- do manipulators actually know what they are doing to people that genuinely care for them? And, from what I know now, if Narcissism is in fact a mental illness/ condition, why all the information I find on it blames them as people and offers very little to no practical advices as to how to help them? :(
@@anastasiyazhmaidziak2795 The problem is that there is no cure. It isn't an illness, I believe. It is a state of mind. They were, they are and will be a narcissist. Nothing's gonna change them. They are what they are. One good thing you can do is to keep yourself far as possible from them. Words from my personal experience.
Mine called it twinning đđđ
"They mirror back what we think might be true." This is frightening. Also heartbreaking when we realize it wont change. They know exactly what they are doing.
Indeed.. It took me more than a decade to truly understand this.. nevertheless, a lesson learnt. Spreading awareness.
This is interesting. When my self-esteem was high or I felt good about myself, things between us went really well too. And when the reverse was true, we had a horrible time, he would call me moody or unpleasant, etc. when I was just going experiencing normal human emotions that arenât perfect.
Mic drop. Dr R, you are the bomb. â€
My narcissist would always say how much we are alike, and she would always try to compete and one up me about things that I was interested and passionate about.
From childhood my younger sister, to a tee; and how I felt about it.
Yesssssssss me tooooo he did the same thing.
I had the exact same experience with my narc gf. My God, they are truly ruthless and evil. We survivors will be stronger for dealing with these demons.
Mine did too.
âData Gatheringâ, âFiling away Informationâ just like a ROBOT! đ€
Yes. It's like they don't have a soul, and their mind is operating on a software.
@@EGV88 Reminds me of a Korn song Black is The Soul . That makes me think of a narcissist cause they have no soul .
OMG it's the CREEPIEST thing !!!! I feel stalked, like I need to get pepper spray and a taser !!!!!
Exactly!
@@EGV88 they are NPC its kinda scary
I didn't realize at first I was being mirrored. At first I thought it was cute, but then it got annoying. Now it's maddening that I can't have my own interests but instead we need to have the same exact interests in everything.
When the Narc mirrored me, I experienced it as an identity theft. Like, the Narc would copy me pixel by pixel. Even the way I part my hair, the brands I use, books I read, films I watch, projects I do(the Narc wants to do the exact same project too) and the list goes on.
dude yes. My cousins mother did this to her and to my grandmother as well. These people are really envious of others success
Hold your cards close to your chest and don't reveal your hand.
omg no way you just said that...wow. when i was able to share some info to a relative they said your in a game of intense poker and he said i dont have any kind of poker face and that i was holding my cards wide open and having each one slowly picked right from me. and then i said and i dont even play poker and felt so tricked , undermined, and taken advantage of. what a trip
They want what you think... Keep plans as dark and strike like thunderbolt..
@@MrNikhilgherwar Love it!
@@MrNikhilgherwar Wut are you trying to do, get back at them? If you are then you're already playing into their hands
Someone once told me not to say anything to anyone that you'd be ashamed to read on the front page of a major newspaper. So, yeah, we've gotta watch what we say to folks 'cause you never know how they'll use your words.
If you're feeling guilty about something the best place to get relief is probably a catholic confessional box. Anonymous, and the priest is bound by his vows. They're not even supposed to inform on murderers. Do not 'confess' to the first person who shows you a bit of sympathy. I usually forgive myself, eventually.
Omg realizing how many female narc friends I had growing up with creepy emulation. đ€Żđ€Żđ€Żđ€Żđ€Ż
Olena Beley,You don't need a narc đ in your life!!
To be fair, if with growing up you mean in your teens; teenagers are very self centered. That's because our brains are not fully developed and emotional maturity is not known to us at that age.
For young people it's also very important to fit in, that's why you see so many cliques wearing the same kinds of clothes or buying the same things. As a teen you want to follow all the trends and have all the same stuff as your friends and peers because it's survival at that age to be with a group.
My last relationship with a narcissist was so unnerving with this. He would imitate me so closely it would profoundly creep me out. It's like he was empty. He made me feel like I was empty, too, and like I was suddenly in a relationship with a caricature of myself. It felt like having an existential crisis. Who was he? Who was I? The dynamics people hold in a relationship are predicated on each person being uniquely themselves and complementing each other. When he mirrored me so closely, it made me feel like he was stealing my identity. Like the hole in him was so vast that the sheer gravitational pull of his emptiness demanded to consume the ways in which I was solid. He made me feel like I was a flimsy plastic counterfeit.
It reminds me of the Doctor Who episode, Midnight, where they encounter an alien species that studies them so closely and mimics them so completely that it almost kills everyone on board the ship.
Boundaries are so important with these people. There is no stressing that enough.
My experience exactly.
When the veil finally lifts itâs all so clear. I remember thinking that my narc looked dead behind the eyes at times. He was a really good mimic, but he wasnât that good.
Doctor Who allegory really works here. Scary ep, indeed.
It's so weird. They really do not have a personality at all. Zombies amongst us
Isnât it sad that a narcissist can smash the premise of a âwhirlwind romanceâ. On another note, narcissism is the cruelest form of manipulation.
The ancient Greeks had a saying, âKnow Thyself.â If you accurately know who you are then the narcissist canât trick you into thinking something different.
Beloved Child not true
Beloved Child if it were that easy, there wouldn't be SO MANY videos, books, etc. on these people. Be careful.
They're very good at manipulation and gaslighting. Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll outsmart them. As soon as you realize they're a narcissist, just get away from them.
I totally agree, knowing yourself is a solid foundation.
You have to admit to, and know your weaknesses too... Or you'll be blinded by their tricks
My mother did this to everyone and lost neighbour friends over it, as a teen l got a job (which she tried to get me sacked from) and l finally had new things and clothes, she then copied my clothes, l refused to tell her where l got clothes and jewellery because she'd wear exactly what l wore and she'd look like an idiot, if l told her she was too old to pull it off she'd rage at me. I couldn't wait to get away from her. When the beatings stopped, the mirroring began, which in itself was really unsettling. I feel so blessed to have ran away young.
This is why I took down my personal social medias... They have no choice but to find a new target when you starve them of your identity.
And mirroring is a healthy part of a truly loving partnership. But a narc uses it for manipulation instead of bonding. They use love tools to batter us rather than better us.
They copy everything u do, how u talk! Ur lifestyle! Biggest copy cats
Yesss!
In many cases, yes, but my narc, after initially flattering me and focusing on our similarities, pressured me to mirror him. (For the record, I was significantly younger; he positioned himself as a sort of mentor.)
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.
The rest of that quote matters.
I was once in a medical meeting with several HCWs, my ailing father, and his narc 'partner.' Throughout the whole meeting, I watched her continually mirror my body language (folding of legs and arms, shifting forward or backward, even at one point looking at me to gauge my reaction so she could then show a similar concerned facial expression). It's like she had to keep emulating me to 'know' how to act in the situation. Knowing she's a grandiose narcissist is so helpful in dealing with her and understanding why she acts the way she does.
When he mirrored me he would NOT answer squat about his info.
Had an ex tell me I ask too many questions... It's called getting to know someone. I had to answer all his questions. Ended that relationship fast, he was hiding too much!
This one is the scariest of the lot. Mind control.
I am here bc I was just let go by one. Started off small like enjoying simple interests like film, true crime, music, then graduated to stealing my personality. Also had a female friend who was also began copying me down to the way I wear my hair and do my nails... the exact same way. So bizarre. Blocked and deleted so as to give them no more to take. They are takers not givers without souls
This woman knows her stuff.
They want to know everything about you, yet they donât reveal anything about themselves. Yes, they do veponize the information in a devalue stage.
I wonder if they have anything to reveal about themselves
@@chioma2477 no because they are empty.
So true!!!
true
@@chioma2477 It depends,but most of the time it feels or is full for both parts
My mom is a covert, cerebral narcissist, she is the queen of mirroring, to a terrifying extent.
Emily Danielle if you talk less they talk less... when you give less info... the mirror less n less.
Ultra copy cats. If you see them as a object... your doing it right.
Problem is itâs hard to do. We keep seeing them as adult authentic people. They are closer to functional 5 year olds in a a jaded mood-
@@karamlevi, I'm mostly referring to past experience. I've cut my family (especially my parents) almost completely out of my life...one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
@@karamlevi Great insights and analogy.
@@karamlevi Great insights and analogy.
Remember dog's don't feel true empathy. They have the emotions of a 4 year old. Empathy is lacking I believe. Guilt or Shame I believe is one.
Ew... creepy. I've had this happen to me a handful of times, from different people. The most memorable was when a coworker at an old job tried this on me when I first started at that company. She tried to go the "instant besties" route with me, but I immediately felt like something was "off" with her. I noticed she had a tendency to stare all the time. She would also try to ask me personal questions (I didn't give her much info). Then she tried to hang around me all the time. Then the copying of hairstyles and outfits started. Fortunately, I was able to pick up on her oddball behavior early on, so I distanced myself from her. The more I tried to distance myself, the harder she tried to watch me, and followed me around the office. She also started a smear campaign against me. It got to where I had to start writing all of her antics down on a log, and eventually approach management about this issue (3 times). Slowly, this woman started to give up, and eventually left the company a few months later. Still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
Been there. It's extremely pathetic behavior. Sorry you went through that
Ew that is creepy. Itâs good you reported her and she went away.
I am deeply thankful for Dr. Raminiâs relentless and yet kind support - thanks for speaking up for so many people who feel alone with a weird yet heavy burden kind of a problem â€
I almost thought I was BPD, but realising I hadnt been given validation as a child does not give me the right to act out of character as an adult. Mental meditation has really killed off narcissistic traits I knew very well I have always had, even if it felt real. I accept that reality always changes. I accept that we as humans are not guaranteed to be with another person and if someone should enter my life will be "safe, honest, reciprocal and kind." I'm making myself do routines and healthy lifestyle. I recognize empathy but I know that peoples thoughts are NOT my business. I watch these videos daily along with other DBT videos because in reality, we cannot afford help. We are always broke until we fix ourselves. I love Ramani for reaching so many without being offensive.
Wow!!!
:)
I appreciate your candor. Not many people like you will expose themselves like that. I wonder who else here is just like? It's not for me to seek them out but I just wonder. Thank you for being honest đ
Maybe you're not the person you thought you were. Good luck.
@Christopher Smith if at 20 you feel this way, lemme tell you its not gonna be always like that, you will see better days. Seek God, his Word, be humble enough to continue on your self improvement journey. You are not perfect and will never be but things will get better I promise. If you are willing to do the work you will see a change. Give an update next year
This is spot on. I remember in the beginning of the relationshit, my soon to be ex narc wife said to me, you should open up more and share your feelings. Now listening to this it makes sense. Wow...đ€
đŹ like a bad Alfred Hitchcock movie. Hope these flags are looking more red and less pink Matt. Please donât give up on humans though; we have a lot to give đ AFTER we graduate from this school of hard knocks đȘđŒđđŹđŹ
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 at this point, the only thing that will be pink, is the pink slip they are receiving. Ready for this divorce to be finalized
Matt, ah yes I remember that that stage. Itâs pure bullshit. Every time I had to talk to my lawyer I would just about puke đ€ź. Never thought I would be there but freedom is just around the corner. đȘđŒđ
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 The only hold up is the time I spend with our son... Once all of this is over, I'm celebrating
âRelationshitâ đ€Ł đ€
This really explains a lot for me as to why I spent most of my time very uncomfortable around people I later find out are very narcissistic. I could never quite put my finger on it before but now I know the source of the discomfort is all the questions they ask. They're far more willing to delve deeply into your personal life in a way that feels invasive and then act indignant when you draw boundaries with them. This is a problem I have experienced many times with controlling personality types. Thank you for helping me understand what the core of the problem really is about. For a long time I just assumed I was being too private and not willing to open up to people.
They are exhausting exhausting exhausting. You wake up one day drained and realize you wasted so much time on this relationship.
Why do they make us feel so weak? Like we know what they are doing is wrong but for some reason it seems impossible to stand up for ourselves. When we finally do they feel no guilt or try to put the blame back on us.
They take our energy/I guess as empaths we're dependent on our emotions and so are they, but, as emotionally stunted they cannot give of themselves hence we call them shells, empty and devoid. The mimick us to get by with the outside mirror, they're honestly glued out as how one should respond, thus their needs for us, our eventual no contact goal is a very difficult one.
Sophia Sebring, Its true, that they make us feel weak. It's just like a mad dog syndrome, a mad dog bites another dog. They are once supressed in their younger day or a learnt behaviour from the parent or both. So they learn all your weaknesses and then you are trapped by their charm, chiefly by breadcrumbing you. They literally know what wrong they are doing to you, but they have no mercy and no choice left, than to drain you of your well being, only to satisfy themselves of living in the lust of grandiosity.
Sophia Sebring they are very insecure and really weak inside, they donât want to feel that way though, they have to bring you down so they can feel superior and in control, happened to me until I finally fought the person, now he avoids me
We do allow it , whatever our issues might be , I was in foster care with a foster Mom that was very toxic , after 8 abusive years , i questioned, and was confused about everything , there were things I wasn't even aware of . I went to councilling, it's been a long journey . Thought I had dealt with all my demons, one fear I had , and didn't even know it was fear of abandonment . Another low self esteem , another it was pounded into my head , that I was to give everyone the benifit of the doubt , and dare I judge anyone , guilt complex , misplaced guilt. I was also naively trusting of others , think it felt safer to ignore people's behavior than acknowledge it , how could I get along in such a cruel dangerous world . My years in foster care I became conditioned , better to ignore abusive treatment , than confront it , as it only made things worse . I still struggle with that at times, as a child it became a technique to avoid , a the painful reality of the circumstances I found myself in . And i couldn't imagine someone spending so much time living a lie. And it gets to the point you have invested so much , now children are involved , can't just do what's best for you , not without passing it on to your kids , couldn't abandon my kids , like I had been , and i knew , it would be your not seeing them , they would be used I sought legal advice , and was informed in Canada the Mother gets custody period , this insures Dad can keep working , and providing 0. Thats changed some what today
There are all kinds of factors , that the narcissist exploits , and you cant stoop to their level , or you have become one yourself .
This video is validating how i feel about my toxic family. I cannot stop watching your videos. Please know that I will be forever thankful to your videos.
Oh my goodness. This is crazy!! So ridiculously bang on of what happened to me with my girlfriend for 3 years!!! Detailed Data gathering and filing for future use!!
Iâm into Christianity in my spiritual journey, so she became into Christianity (at a whole new level); My kids were into sports, so she put her kids into more sports despite them wanting to do it! She studied my Facebook pics and posts and used the info to slam me later on in our relationship! As I reflect back, this is just unreal!!i got sucked in (3 years!) manipulated, and controlled to a certain extent. As soon as I started to push back, she was gone and onto another supply (a new guy)... I sent new guy the biggest bouquet of flowers and a thank you card. He saved my life. No joke!!
This makes sense why I have such an aversion to allowing people to know my very personal info and feelings, because I feel like they are going to have power over me if they have that info. Because that's what I grew up with.
And it's perfectly all right. Trust is earned, over time.
My sister in law had curly blond hair, all one length, shorter due to the curls. She seemed to be getting oddly interested in me. I had long, dark hair with blunt bangs. She told she wanted to change her hair. She sent me a picture and my jaw dropped. Her hair had been straightened, dyed brown, and she had blunt bangs. It was a âSingle White Femaleâ moment, and I was very disturbed by it. I didnât dare say a word at that point. Four years no contact! You got this!
đłđŹ
Same thing happened to me. I worked with someone who developed this strange fixation with me, stared all the time. Shortly after we met, and she started asking me all kinds of pointed questions about my life. I didn't give her much info, as it was all so weird. When I first met this woman, she had been wearing a wig. Last straw for me was when she came in to work on a Monday, a few weeks later, with her hair almost exactly like mine--wig removed, and hair dyed exactly the same shade as mine. She gradually tried to copy everything about me. Long story short, I cut contact with her as much as possible. Even though I cut her off, she still watched me, and copied me as much as she could. The woman was completely insane, and I avoided her at all costs.
Shay4YourMind81 Yes, happened to me in High School. So creepy. She did not like me. It was that she wanted to BE me.
Shay4YourMind81 That happens to me kind of a lot. đ€·đŒââïž. Nobodyâs been creepy though - I think they just liked my style...
Great movie!
My narcissist used to use my genuinely expressed thoughts back to me to save himself,but in a twisted way.Every fact and feeling will be used against us in their critical time.
shilpa patil I know exactly what you mean. Whatever you said comes back twisted with lies, exaggerations, changes.... you regret having said anything.
@@SueP-D exactly
In my ex-narc relationship, that "critical time" was when her supply dried up, and it was time for her to move onto the next supply. She was going to leave but it still had to be my fault, so she needed me to be so angry with her that I broke up. So all the ammo she had loaded over a year's time came out like a hateful machine gun and I unceremoniously kicked her out. Her sob story of being a victim could continue for the next guy in line.
This is so on point! This is so important! Red flag immediately! They make you feel like you can open up to them on a level you never had before,..because you are meant to be together.. they always wanted this kind of relationship and open communication all their lives! I am 10 months strong away from the nightmare I had for 12 years! Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the biggest narcissist of them all? He was!! Bye!
"You can't con an honest man" If you feel 'seen' for the first time by a narcissist, it's because they've seen the delusion you hold true about yourself, which in reality are almost always positive things, like how good looking or s3xy you are, and 'mirrored' those things back to you. You feel seen for the first time because reality usually mirrors or reflects back the truth, which is your not as good as you think you are. Most people have an inaccurate self-image, they believe they're better not worse than their truth.
In the devaluation they will disagree something that they used to be on your side, just to makes you upset and test your boundaries.
They are so empty they donât even their opinions are fake...
I love these videos. My dad said he wanted is to be a family again so I tried for two years to have a good relationship with him. He love bombed the whole time and he eventually couldnât hold up that mask anymore. He used everything I told him against me and in 30 seconds he destroyed me. It was at that moment that I walked away and went no contact. That was 7 years ago. I feel so much better without him!
They are lousy parents.
Sorry you had to experience that, but it's best to rid yourself of the toxic behavior. It's always about them, they pop in and out of your life at their pleasure, never considering how anyone else feels, ever.
Stephanie Shannon,You don't need a narc đ in your life!!
â€ïž same same
My parents are the same
Thank you. Iâm proud (after a lot of pain) Iâve gotten to the point where I can identify this so fast, my dad has NPD. To me they are more like life sucking robots than humans. They are slaves of their insecurities and so mean deep inside like a black hole of sadness and resentment.
đđ
Most do not have souls. That's the problem.
â@@rainncorbin8291True. They're literally robots. Soulless things wearing flesh, mimicking human behaviour, bent on destruction
@@rainncorbin8291I now believe the true self is corked in a bittle by the false soulless self, its a trully terrifying concept: the young 2-3 year old soul lets in the false self (who promises to shield the child from trauma), but then once inside the body, the false self double crosses the child and imprisons them like geni in a bottle; only this time the roles are reversed, the geni locks the child in the bottle and forever more assumes the identity of the body. As for the true self: he/she is two years old, traumatised, crying screaming, bashing on the walls of the bottle shouting help let me out, but no body can hear, no one can see.
Sorry to present an image ofvtrue horror, but this is how evi is and I believe this is likely what is going on with narcissists.
I got actual chills at the words "data gathering", and the subsequent fact that that data will be weaponized.
I am so grateful for these videos. They have answered every single one of my "but if... then why?" questions that kept me stuck for so long.
Oh wow! My sister actually started dressing exactly like me. It was creepy because she was so controlling. And yes, they do file info.
Soon who you see in the mirror will be an empty shell of who you once knew.
I canât thank you enough. Iâm stuck in an on and off relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 years now. For the first time in my life I see him for what he is.
RUN!!! Took me years too..
I've been questioning how my ex narc could see me so differently than who I am at the end of the relationship vs how he saw me at the beginning of the relationship and this video explains everything I need to know. It gives me clarity. Still waiting to be fully healed from this experience đȘ
Terrific video. They are 'injustice' collectors (even if it's only perceived injustice) and maintain an invisible scoreboard above your head. They will study you with blank eyes and you'll mistakenly think this is the look of lov admiration or lust. But it's not. They're studying you like a PhD as NarcSurviror says. Chilling in hindsight and only survivors of Narc abuse can understand it. Sending everyone love and strength on their road to recovery. It's possible to find happiness again. Genuine happiness.
1984musicman
Interesting,
Iâve experienced this blank trance like stare first hand and observed his stare at others. Not sure what was going on behind those fixed eyes but it was odd.
That stare.đđ¶
So creepy.
Yes, this! Only that they cheat keeping score, dropping what doesn't suit them.
Dude, this sent shivers up my spine (I'm beyond crying when I read these comments, just). I can see that stare in her eyes now, saw it so often in our time together.
And they all want to have sex with their targets. Like the woman that stalks and mirrors and wants to be me here and there I think actually wanted a relationship with me. And the fact that I'm with the love of my life sent her into a spiral of competition and hoovering behaviors to pull at my heart strings. Ignore everything they do. They're a desperate black hole of nothingness
I remember dating my now narc husband and we were in a restaurant with my son(from a previous marriage). I was interacting with my son and having a fun conversation, and I just looked up and he was just staring at me like he was wondering about something. I thought it was kind of weird at the time...but I brushed it off. Now I know....he was mirroring. Wow! After we got married...he became quite jealous of my son (like a brother or a kid). I never understood that. When we first, started dating, he was so anxious to show off my son to his mom and bragged about how he was such an awesome, kid! Then it changed.
Did you leave yet?
My daughter dated a covert Narc about 7 months. Didnât know what that was at the time but her dad and I saw the red flags immediately and recognized when he was trying to mirror us, the questions he would ask that were too familiar/personal so I just fucked with him. It was a devastating relationship for her unfortunately and we went through it with her and the recovery after, with an amazing therapist, she went no contact. We all had to heal. But it still gives me great pleasure knowing how many Narc injuries her dad and I were inflicting on him and how it made him suffer. I got to see/read his spiral of desperation and pain when she went no contact. The triangulation, the smear campaign, the flying monkeys. And no one would respond to him. His desperation was intense and monumental and it was so gratifying to witness. 26 months later, his life still sucks, he suffers from the same worthlessness and emptiness and will feel that way forever. Our family is healed, our daughter is herself and weâve moved on.
You sound unhinged. Some people are genuinely interested in other people, and you shouldnât take so much joy in your daughterâs failed relationship. But I guess that a failed relationship for her means she will depend on you even more, which is incredibly important to you. Actually, the fact that you ran him off is probably a very good sign that he was a good guy. I feel very badly for your daughter.
@@lovelily8310 ikr?
@@katieandnick4113 saunds like you identify with the narc to me
Ya all did everything right happy for your daughter having so strong parents
@@Maria-sg3zn we felt helpless at the time but determined to get our daughter back. The therapist helped us behave the right way towards her as to not push her towards him, the right way towards him so he would reveal himself in front of her and he helped her to see it. It was a very tough time and glad itâs over.
Wish i had known about narcissim earlier, life would be much easier
I think we can all relate to this! But as much as it would be nice to undo (some of) the past, I think about how if everyone watching these videos creates more awareness in themselves and others around them, the 'mass consciousness' will shift, we will collectively become more aware, more skilled and more savvy at encountering narcissistic patterns when they emerge! That's the vision that keeps me passionate about learning and connecting with others on this 'journey'!
Teach the younger generation, theyâre our hope.
For years I considered carrying a mirror for this exact reason. Now I meditate every morning and envision a protective mirror around my entire body. Somedays it takes a lot of shit and abuse and I feel compassion for how lost, confused and wounded they are. I no longer feel resposible, hurt or sorry for them, however I release anger, disgust and resentment at least once a day. Thanks for yet another empowering confirmationđ
Nikki D really good work.
dude I couldn't figure out my toxic relationship with my friend over 3 years of therapy. Every video narcissist video is like she wrote my friendship with this person to a T. This has helped me so much and been the breakthrough I needed to move on. Thank yOU!
I'm here now.... After 6 months at therapy I just realised my friend BF of a decade is a fragile narcissist. Now I'm dealing with the fallout. It gets better..... Right?
Why it's an actual disorder.. because the symptoms are all the same. Feels like we're all in a relationship with the same person.
This is so scary but at the same time so helpful. There's plenty of narcissistic people around tbh be careful y'all. Love yourself and don't let anyone destroy your self esteem.
Yesterday my brother asked me why I'm always researching narcissism.
I told him cos it's rife. Once you get a bit of education about it you start to see these behavioural patterns too close to home, all too frequently.
Too many
Or take control of your life!! Boundaries are key!! They get disgusted by boundaries lol
"Me too"
This was my ex's catch phrase. Whenever I was describing events from my life this is what I received in return. I didn't matter how obscure the event. "Me too!"
I believe this was an attempt to create a false sense of sameness. To make me believe we were so similar that we were meant to be together. I'm not entirely sure though. I'm filled with such self doubt I don't believe my own thinking and intuition. The relationship was a roller coaster of intensity. I was called a narcissist constantly. Now I believe I'm one and I can't shack it. I've never experienced anxiety like this before in my life.
Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani
The fact that they know how to cut you is what makes me so sad....and so angry....as always, Dr Ramani blows me away
Funny thing, a neighbor man was pursuing me a year or so ago, I was noticing this mirroring behavior but I didnt have a name for it, I called it shape shifting because he was constantly making himself match everything about me and I could sense what he was doing. I wasnt interested from the beginning so I think that made it easy to see thru him, but it's nice to know the actual term. Good video, thanks!
Wow this video triggers me so much because this is 100% my ex..... every tiny detail I shared, good or bad originally, was eventually turned into ammunition against me.... whether to me or in the smear campaign. There was nothing in confidence between us, no privacy... he was truly sick.
There is basically some level of mirroring going on in near every interaction, whether weâre aware of it or not, we all affect each other. There are sometimes difficult mirror lessons to be learned about ourselves when thereâs a pattern with a âchallengingâ person. Doesnât mean one of those people is to be labeled narcissistic, but just natural human.
Thank you for being honest!!! I have tried my best to open the eyes of people who are blindly accepting all messaging that may validate their perspective but I'm afraid it's falling on deaf ears and I don't see any signs of possible change
Too much is CREEPY.
@@t.j.huckaby1924 Awesome that you see it. In my experience thereâs 1) definitely people to get away from and 2) the leftover ptsd to heal from. And those are major things that can take a few years of internal labor to heal from. But If you look deep enough into narcissism, and your introspective, any honest person will tell you theyâve found some lower case (n)narcissism in themselves. The only people Iâve seen address this in valuable & honest ways are Richard Grannon (awesome intellect) and Stacy Hoch: Empoweress (superb insight). People who keep explaining a binary of what âgood peopleâ look like vs what ânarcissistsâ look like seem sadly as lacking insight & integrity enough to go to another design for the whole thing. Because people can catch narcissism psychosis and be paranoid studying it for years. Iâve seen it & itâs terrible to see people staying at that level of ptsd. đŠâźïžđŠ
Edit: sorry for all the edits.
Dr. Ramani made the distinction between regular mirroring and narcisstic mirroring, which she said is a whole different game.
The truth is most of people who stuck with Narcissist is because they have their own issue to solve.
Like borderline personality disorder
Etc
So instead wasting time complaining, focus on how to solve the problem is the only key to have better quality of life.
Take this is a chance for transformation đąđąđą
Born with a narcissist mom... Didn't know my problem until I met my cover narc ex.
He reminds me of my mom
Past 1 and half year I really took the time to break old cycles and work hard on how to become a better self and forming new and healthy and helpful habits.
And now I m different. And without him I wouldn't know my problem and my family problem which haunted me for years.
People unfortunately narcissist disorder is very common among people, once u educate yourself and u will notice!!!!
But don't waste time to be sad
Its time to arm yourself with knowledge and protect yourself and the people u care
đȘâ€ïžđȘHope people who see this message plz accept love and faith flowing to you from universe, the moment when u accept the reality its the moment u have full accountability of you life for making a new journey.
đȘđȘđđđđâ€ïž
This story is so much like mine I literally took the time to intensely dive into knowledge I've studied psychology astrologyall different kinds of philosophical texts I've looked into a multitude of mental health disorders and I really took the time to again dive into who I was and all of my shadows and really work on them because I'm the type of person that once I'm committed to someone I can't leave them unless I know I have tried absolutely everything and in order to try everything I'm forced to break myself down and analyze myself to such a degree that I can with great confidence exclude myself as the problem and that only leaves them. Thanks for the confirmation comment!! Namaste
@satine because feels familiar to them, why get hooked. Awareness given by Dr. Ramani is freedom.
This re learning to focus on improving yourself and reclaiming who you truly are
this happens a lot with gangstalking perpetrators. They mirror and imitate their target. yes, it's creepy! This channel has helped me tie up a lot of loose ends. Thank you.
TinaPlakinger TreedingonSer,Your lovely smile đ can make the news!!
What is that?
@@jazwhoaskedforthis gangstalking is when the mind starts to get paranoid and defensive and the sufferer starts to see similar cars, random people, or regulars at shops as a coordinated effort to stalk and ruin your life. The reality is that you see the same people if you have the same routine, you see the same cars because there are only so many designs and colors. It really derails someone's life because they start to see everyone around them as some sort of stalker. I know someone in a very small town who started getting gangstalking delusions and it ruined their social life because people they've known their whole life started becoming "enemies" that stalked them.
They are sorry sacks of poo.
I've been in 1 great long-term relationship and 1 emotionally abusive long-term relationship with a narcissist and I've learned from both experiences (and therapy). These are my take-aways: 1) redflags: they can't apologize (or they say: I'm sorry _you_ feel that way), they are terrible gift-givers, jeallousy, being suspicious of everyone, seeing themselves as both better and more competent than everyone else and the victim, making you feel like you need to record conversations to prove something / constantly questioning your perspective. 2) Good qualities to look for: not taking themselves too seriously / being able to take a joke, being supportive, making you feel more confident, making you laugh, keeping promises, opening up about their feelings.
Spot on!!!
I read a book and vividly remember a smart quote - Narcissists wonât learn from their mistakes, because they would initially have to admit that they have some. this quote opened my eyes.
You are really reminding me of not only my last relationship but my marriage. My ex was a martyr type narc and truly would dig at my weaknesses, compare me to my mother, call me selfish for not providing his needs... until I was drained dry. And the most recent, man. True psychopath. So good at mirroring and studying. I got it this time though and cut it off. I trusted my instincts and within three weeks blocked him.
Yes. Being an accurate mirror to ourselves!
"you may have only been mirrored for certain parts of yourself"
This is so true of my parents that it cuts really deep to finally acknowledge those are the words that describe what they did. My siblings and I were like showdogs to them, not people, and I did already know that. But I'd never heard the "half-mirror" concept language for describing the experience before. Words are so powerful.
Having that realization hit today from watching and hearing the completed context that phrase provided felt like having all of the air punched out of my stomach.
The truth hurts, but we need and deserve to have it so that we can start finally healing.
Thank you.
My stepmother would take me with her to spend time with her family, I believe, to mirror me in an effort to rebuild her relationship with her siblings. Her oldest sister is one of my favorite people on this planet. I reached out to her recently bc my sister & I realized we never tested my stepmotherâs version of her life story. It was very worthwhile to learn we are all on the same page. I was advised (a) itâs not a midlife crisis & (b) Iâll never get an apology.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I do have a problem," are the sweetest words a narcissist hears in that dark mirroring phase.
I had a few friends who mimicked the way I dress since high school until now. Even my accountant sister also tried to treat my mom's legs weekly after her surgery, because she isn't a licensed health care practitioner as I do. Now, everything seems making sense for all these nonsense activities in my life. Thanks DR. Ramani.
In my case, I didn't think the Narc was trying to imitate me as a way of building rapport. It looked like, the Narc simply wanted what I had. I was wondering "Hey Narc, do you not have a brain or can't think for yourself? Why are you copying me all the time?".
Wow I'm currently going through this with a narc neighbor, i tried to tell someone what I'm going through and I was told it was all in my head and that i was being paranoid.
He used some very intimate details I shared with him against me. I had to own my truths.
Girl, I so feel you. Sending love and support your way, I had to come to terms with a lot of things I said and did/shit that happened to me, too. I know it's hard but I do strongly believe that it's worth it. We are better than them â€ïžâ€ïž
"We need to be more accurate mirrors of ourselves." Great line! Thank you Dr. Ramani!!
The more we live in our hearts the clearer the mirror becomes
Dear Dr Ramani, I've been listening to your podcasts for two days now and I have to say that I learnt more about my recent relationship than in the last ten-fifteen years. Amazing job, please keep it up! It's good to have someone like you on "our side". Many thanks from sensitive empath.
It's a top tactic for narcissists. Acting like you or imitating the things you value to deceive you into a bond with them.