Why New Years Resolutions Don't Work
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- čas přidán 3. 07. 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Intro
01:22 - Motivation for resolutions
03:05 - Conflict in the mind
05:55 - Introspection
10:14 - The addicts brain
13:28 - Keep your resolution secret
19:03 - Don't let failure stop you
23:03 - Ego
31:40 - Summary
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I always kept losing weight as my new years goal, I didn't want to be 300 forever, the guy taking breaths after walking up stairs every time. But i never seemed to get motivated. Then, at work, a co-worker complimented me on losing weight. Between work and not eating as much junk, i was already beginning the process but didn't know it. So I kicked it into overdrive, I cooked my meals instead of ordering Ubereats and narrowed the portions from 300%to like 85%. I made smoothies and chicken nuggets learned how to make crab cakes and got good at fajitas, still had fast food occasionally but not a boat load. I'm down to 219. I wouldn't Have stayed on the path If i wasn't complimented.
good job dude! I am really proud of you
I mean i kinda get what Dr. K is trying to say but i think im like you, i need someone to know my goals because that way they can keep me on check and that feeling motivates me, that's how i lost 20kg in 2020. I guess it depends on each kind of person.
Thank your coworker! And you’re doing an amazing job my guy, you deserve the praise for putting in the effort. I’m trying to gain weight in muscle which is hard, but it’s even harder to lose weight in fat. It Takes 10 times more discipline. I commend you on that :)
hell yea brother ! proud of ya :) I KNOW for a fact losing weight is one of the hardest thing to do in life.
EDIT: You should throw a quick props to that one coworker :)
Chicken nuggies
"Loser is a state, not a trait." Not only is that brilliant, it should also be on a t-shirt.
He has a video on this topic, I believe by the same title or at least the thumbnail has these two keywords
"You can't trap justice. It's an idea. A BELIEF"
I would buy the shirt. Dr K merch when
I will put this on a shirt.
Part of my strategy in quitting smoking was telling myself "I am not a smoker" as often as I could remember to. I completely quit over 6 six years ago
Proud of you
@@EtamirTheDemiDeer Stop giving him cost-free validation jackass. (only joking).
@@TheGreektrojan lmao
But yeah, it really does work like that. Seeing yourself as a non smoker, makes you see “not smoking” as the default situation. Whereas for a smoker who’s quitting, smoking is the default situation.
@@eceptamusic yes totally agree
Smart, they waited to post this exactly when the majority of people have quit their new years resolutions
@@Outplayedqt Whats one day of failure? You wont even remember it once you get back on the wagon
It's been less than a week, how does someone fail that quickly when some people actually attempt no but November which is a whole month
@@kamikeserpentail3778 "no but November" sounds like a much more difficult challenge lol
@@chickendude1695 true
"I can't biopsy you and find loserness" Wow, what a line.
BIOPSY HARDERRR
chef's kiss
As someone who has worked in fitness for a decade, I’m WELL aware of this mental and emotional dynamic. The biggest elements in my experience are the inability to estimate effort required, and a lack of planning. People love to say, in the moment, "imma do this," but then they don’t plan, and they just evert back to what they’re familiar with.
Very true. Although often even people who plan well and have their expectations set accordingly can still fail and get discouraged. Sometimes people have to look at the bigger picture when it comes to their mental health and motivation, instead of just perfectly estimating and planning how to improve, they might have to take a step back and unlock their potential to actually act.
@@Papacarrot absolutely true. It often happens that in fitness, people set their goal, right now, as the end point. I've never lifted weights... my goal is to look like The Rock.
Good luck, dude.
Goals, process, and end point all need to align with mental state and life situation.
I once had a resolution with my friend to become vegetarian and guess what, on the first of January we were eating meat because we were too polite to decline. That was so funny to us we said what’s the harm of trying again? So we did. And every time we fucked up, it wasn’t the end of the world because we already broke the resolution once so we kept trying anyway and by the end of the year we were both staying vegetarian without a problem.
So now I have a tradition where on the first of January I break my resolutions on purpose and keep trying to fulfill them during the year. Has worked really well for me so far. At the end of the year I do a recap and I usually kept them. I try to focus on one or two big things only.
29:45 is the moment I cried. I realized how much I grew as a person in 2021. The pandemic fucked my entire plans and made it way more difficult to grow. But i grew anyway. At that moment I realized I became someone I wished for years to be- I do not run away from responsibility and am hard working person. I was trying to be that person so much I didnt realize hwo much I changed. This moment gave me way more hope and confidence in me than any motivational video I watched. Thank you, Dr. K. You truly change other people's lives!
My current approach is to just not caring about the new years as an event, and just simply see it as another day. It gives me a leeway when it comes to actually think about the goals that I already have and focus on them more, not simply relying on events to kickstart me, as it is purely based on shallow thinking.
It can kind of be a starting point for people who want to change but need to start somewhere and it can kind of jump start it
Can be a need for some and a bad idea for others
a fresh clean start is always nice. it feels satisfying to write in a new notebool right? same goes with time and goals
I think both approaches can be good or bad
Most ppl work towards an image & then some magic fairy will stop your addiction, but you have to sacrifice a lot & change your mindset A LOT, it's a very shame filled & very painful process, you know your mindset is changing when you cry a lot(for me at least), honestly bragging brings more fakness, too. So, think more about the responsibility than the image of the change honestly. I try to tech detox & I cheat & make excuses A LOT!!! & that's my fault, I can't wait for someone to hold my hand or a special date. I honestly see myself as a failure but I know that's self-sabotage so I'll try to think I can do it & eventually see the results.
"Loser" is a fixed mindset. It leaves no room for change. "Athlete", "Artist", "Scholar", etc., are growth-oriented mindsets because these identities are constantly aspiring towards new challenges.
I always envied people that could run without getting tired in 10 seconds, so I began walking. My dad always loved trotting/running so we now go run most of the days. My goal now is to be able to run 10km, but went from someone that couldn't walk few meters without getting tired to someone that can run for 30min.
"Learning how to socialize" "absolve myself of responsibility" those are among my biggest raid bosses right now. And being introverted makes it even harder.
In relation to "don't let failure stop you", I'd add: resolutions are evaluated in Dec 31st, not every day. That's why they are new YEAR resolutions.
Again, a excellent talkthrough. I identified so much with the addicts brain, it hit me like a bullet in my chest. But felt good
I really like your profile picture, Echo is a great song.
They _can_ work if you are smart about it... but so many people try to fix everything at once and get overwhelmed immediately. Just one reasonably big goal per year is more than enough
Dr. K is disassembling my life piece by piece...and I am here for it!
I really wanna make 2022 my year for positive change, and first step is to be conscious of all the negative attributes I've chosen over the years.
I love resolutions ever since I started to see them as a limited edition side quest. I had 2 years where the resolution was "I will learn how to draw" and I see the deadline as the following dec 31st and it means I have until then to level up and grind the side quest. Last year it was about language learning and the quest was to see how far I can get in a year so no matter the result it was a win. These side quests have made life more fun because it's like a limited edition "thing to do" that grows me little by little.
From my experience, telling people about your goals can help. My friends help motivate me when i feel like slacking off, and they'll ask about my goals (gym/studying). Of course that won't be everyone's situation.
Or maybe you're slacking off so much because you're TELLING EVERYONE YOUR GOALS. Be about it, don't talk about it.
@@newuser8462 It's possible to do both. If you're pursuing something earnestly, it might be difficult to hide it anyway. Like if you can't hang out after work anymore, or can't go out drinking on the weekend.
I've gotten free resources and equipment because of it, been introduced to freinds of freinds, I've even gotten other people interested in my hobbies. Plus, who doesn't like talking about their passions!
I've noticed for a while now that whenever I share my plans with people it kills my motivation to actually follow through with those plans and instead I'll just come up with some excuse as to why I didn't. This makes a lot more sense now with the point about keeping it secret and internalising. I think it's still great to talk to other people about resolutions but only talk about your results - successes and failures - and don't share your goals or plans. This way when you succeed you get the reward of them congratulating you, and when you fail - if they are good friends - they'll empathise with that and encourage you to try again. If you share plans or goals you already get a virtual congratulations and then have no reward left if you succeed, or feel doubly terrible if you fail.
i agree. i feel like those little plans can go either way, at any time so its super important to keep them to yourself - that way the only person u have to necessarily 'impress' is yourself. it also makes your intention sincere and not motivated by things like a status etc, which'll doom u most the time.
Failing at your New Year's resolution once in a month just changes your K/D from 30/0 to 30/1, you can still carry the game
Personally, I am completely the opposite when it comes to habits with friends. It is significantly easier to keep a habit I have on my own because I view it as the default, when I am with friends I end up letting myself relax.
Dr k roasting the chat at the end lmao, it needed to be said. I notice a lot of people chalk up advice to be "just be happy" as an excuse to not try the advice
To be fair, becasue Dr. K doesn't have the option to individually address every viewer's problems, it can come off as him telling you to "just be happy".
I for example have depression and other stuff making my life difficult and no matter how many times I watch this video and try to apply the advice he gives, it wouldn't work.
So, to me, it also sounds like a very round-about way of saying "just be happy lol", but I understand that to many others this might actually be very useful.
There's a good complementary approach - live by seasons not years and set a theme for each season. For instance, season of listening where you try out new podcasts.
Another thing- when we talk about the costs, sometimes it's not the fact that we're not willing to pay the costs, but rather are not "able to". I see the section "the addicts brain" which may talk more about that, but before having listened to it, I'm posting this because I'm having this experience.
Hundreds of times I've given into the temptations, said "tomorrow" when presented with the opportunity to actually follow through with the commitment. And the next day when that situation happens, I remember that I could commit, but rather I choose the same "temptation/giving up/hopelessness" path. And I don't know if that makes any sense, but the further it goes, the less I'm hopeful and the more i feel like I'm UNABLE TO do it.
^
Yeah the lazy path seems easier but it's mentally much harder after the fact
The same problems occurs with me a lot. But usually with more important situations, the guilt of no-action just buries any enjoyment I could be having with whatever activity I'm distracting myself with. But a lot of times, once I get myself up, I'll kick into autopilot and just get thru it. I presonally think kicking into action is more mentally difficult than just maintaining what ur doing. So maybe just force urself to do it; I try to set the day a few days out so I can "build up to it", then on that day it's go time. I believe in u dog, know that everyone is able.
@@Master__Chief117 I gotta be honest, I think I find problem in your "Just force yourself to do it" advice, since like how Dr. K's said it himself a lot of times before, "Just do it" advices of all kinds don't cut into the underlying problems and simplifies the situation for why people don't kick into gears.
@@xeixi3789 it really does depend on the issue at hand. For me, procrastination rules over my life and has caused a lot of problems for me. I was speaking just in that context, so if that didn't apply to op comment then my bad
In my opinion, one of your best uploads right here. I've completely turned myself around before and lots of things I did involved what you spoke of here... Starting to fall into a slump again, but I really appreciate this. Identity, right motivations, avoiding the addicts brain... HUGE POINTS, the chat call-out was so smart too, the addicts brain can be so tricky and invasive of our true selves.
Thank you, Dr.K
Dr. K's point 5 on ego/identity reminds me of impostor syndrome, where it doesn't matter if you pretend to be another type of person if it ultimately helps you make better decisions. Just become such a good impostor/actor so no one will ever find out, including yourself.
Oh nice, another 30 minute video to trick my brain into thinking I'm improving my life while achieving nothing useful at the same time! (:
i mean at least were self aware were doing nothing
😭🤣🤣
Didn't have to call me out like that haha
As long as you can apply it or share it it’s not a waste of time
I'm fr the same person before and after. But I always walk away wiser ig lol
Oh I kind of love that quadrant system, I'm going to do that with my current list of resolutions/goals that I have.
An interesting thing I realized from this video is my mom's current "weird" behavior towards some of the goals I've told her about the past year. I couldn't figure out why she was low key doubting that I'd actually work towards them until Dr K put up the talk the talk and walk the walk outline. My dad is a very talk the talk sort of person with very big ego (though he says he doesn't have an ego lol), and my mom tends to see a lot of his traits in me. So I think that she's projecting a bit of his lack of actual action onto me.
I've told a few people about my new years resolutions but only if they ask me first, so it doesn't feel like advertising. I don't feel like their reactions satisfied the same emotional need as the resolutions so I don't feel like it makes me want to talk the talk. It just feels like i have some sort of accountability outside of myself. Plus, one of my friends joined in with me. We're not drinking for the month of January. So now it's kind of a fun challenge that we're doing together instead of me doing it alone. I guess my point is that telling people isn't always bad. But maybe if it's actually a resolution for a whole year that's different, because the task is so much more committing.
You have my eternal gratitude, Dr. K. I am the type of person that always strived for perfection. This hindered me greatly in resolutions becuase if I failed once I would be so disappointed that I would just give up. The manner you described the addicts mind was very understandable. Thank you, with this in mind I shall win. Thank you.
Nice, already in "Watch Later" and gonna watch it in the evening👍🏼
I've been doing the "Don't tell anyone but yourself" part for as long as I remember putting up new years' resolutions but I never watched any kind of video offering advice on the topic.
I guess you could say I had an innate feeling that telling other people would make me extrinsically motivated since telling them somehow would translate to myself, as having them to check up on me, on whether I've followed up what I promised myself whereas, if I don't tell anyone I am intrinsically motivated and thus bare the responsibility as a whole myself. After all, if no one is knows but yourself you have only but one person to blame and that is you.
Keep up the good work doc. It is nice to see that, for a few times, I haven't messed up everything in my life.
I usually put up behavioral "wants" and then break them down to smaller goals that I achieve little by little, with small actions here and there, oftentimes without me realizing I achieved them; not after some time has passed that is. By the end of the year I assess whether I did good, and if I haven't, I just come up with another thing I want when the next year comes in to add to my arsenal and I keep working simultaneously on the previous years' goals until I feel satisfied.
Once you are on the path of self-improvement it never really ends. You just try and make improvements still, even they are marginal.
Here's my new year resolution:
*Survive.*
Honestly a great resolution lol.
THE ZOMBIE HORD: SLTBDVSIRIBTHTESKWVSESEBRVNTESVSNS
"Yeah, I *am* a giga-chad."
"What would a giga-chad do in this situation?"
Enlighten us once again father.
Thank you for the wisdom 👏🏼
This was super helpful, especially the addict's brain + "anything kept internal compounds"
Thank you for this.
His gamer anagrams i.e “gg” and “u activated my trap card” just add such a level of depth that make all of us feel comfortable with facing our psychological fears. I love it
Really great lecture :)
I feel like everyone’s journey is different. I can’t even bother to make resolutions. Right now I feel like everyday comes with decision-making to do what I think is good.
I think resolutions are good so that I can see a definable amount of progress and stay motivated
Thank you for this
Pro tip: journal your actions
I wrote this on August 31, tomorrow will be a great start for me to do my September resolution. thanks for your content Dr. K, I really appreciate that and I will try my best to continue this journey.
THANK YOU DR K. amazing as always
26:15 This is great way of looking at it. I can't say I've ever thought of it that way before. More of that in-the-moment thinking rather than getting bogged down in the mess of your personal history, or the crushing weight of your future.
28:45 This is also really great - it's never too late to change
Fascinating perspective about keeping goals a secret. I’ve always been told about creating accountability groups and telling people to hold yourself accountable. This is the complete opposite with a powerful emotion argument. I like this. I have done this recently for the first time and I’ve stuck the this secret goal more than others.
*_This is exactly why you must not expect anything._*
*_Especially in passion. You don't just get there instantly. You work for it, without expecting the end result._*
I watch this video every year, one of the best vids on the channel
You're 100% correct about the ego and using it to be who you want to be. At some point last year I started to think of myself not as someone who wants to be an artist, but just as an artist. I started to behave like an artist, watching movies and shows with a critical eye, using break time at my day job to sketch in my sketchbook instead of scroll on my phone, challenging myself to learn more about design and color, and even selling work. It's not like I suddenly became more skilled, I just started to spec into art more because I viewed myself as someone who does that.
Dr K. you are the best! keep it up!
Thanks Dr.K very cool
I have such major respect for you Dr. K. Every time I watch a video I end up gaining a whole new prospective, one that is so beyond nuisanced. I’ve never seen ANYONE be able to make so much sense out of what feels like nonsense than you Dr K.
Great talk
You know I actually made a new years resolution to play guitar every day of the year for the entire year last year, and made it like 10 months. I got sick though. So it did kinda work, at least for a long time. I'm not sure about super long term life goals though?
You shouldn't be deciding life-long term goals on one-year-long resolutions. Those you've gotta approach differently. But still, it did work for playing guitar, right?
Your work is insane
I've had this thought recently that if you're not willing to do the change(s) >today
the whole video was like.."you see them weights...and you know only you can move them"...dayum listen to you is such a breeze. i love this gotta learn a lot so i can improve myself more, because there is always room to grow :D
Also I learned from an AA friend of mine: you can start your day (your year too!) over again at any time
Dr K's addict brain voice is amazing
I'm not sure he's used it before but it NAILS the smuggess of the brain when resisting easy change.
Good, very precious video in many things.
this is the real deal goddamn so good
I made a new years resolution at the start of 2020 to do intermittent fasting and I managed to keep it all the way through, it's now become a part of my lifestyle and I fast every day, I might miss a day here and there but I'm still consistently fasting, it's been one of the best lifestyle changes I've ever made. I didn't make a resolution this year but the resolution I should make is to keep track of my spending, I've been keeping track of my income as a self-employed person since 2010 but I haven't kept track of my spending, I really need to. You're absolutely right, I didn't tell a soul and that's what made it stick, other people might have tried to sabotage by offering my food during my fasting time and them not knowing made it easier to say no to food if it was offered to me during my fasting time.
The second doctor K said to keep your resolution secret, i suddenly felt really vindicated.
Last year, not as a resolution (I started around February) I challenged myself in multiple ways to do new things I thought would be better. I started learning a language, I stopped drinking fizzy drinks, I picked my guitar back up. I did a lot of things but never told anyone. The only thing keeping me doing them was me. I wasn’t sure if I was making the best choice not telling people but it was really working for me! And I’m still here keeping to those things. I’ve grown so much! It’s something I’m happy to say I’m proud of.
Thank you Dr k . I'm so glad that I find you .
Thank You, Doctor K
The not letting failure stop me and not letting myself make mistakes is really important. I've been trying to [keep a resolution I'm not going to share] and I've been worrying about it because I'm afraid it would get in the way of my Japanese study (I'm already fluent haha) but I've been having technical problems on my phone that make doing the thing less accessible, I've been tripping up, I've been doing a dopamine detox that makes the thing harder, though not at all impossible to do- so I've been telling myself it's ok to not do it and I've been getting off the wagon. But I just got back on after watching this
I think telling others and showing the process, getting compliments and doing it until it becomes a new norm might help me
About 5 or maybe 6 years ago, now... I made the resolution "No more new year's resolutions."
At the time, it was more of a half-hearted joke. "It's the kind of resolution I might actually be able to keep." AND of course, all my friends and family laughed... There were the add-ons to my gag, "That's smart." and the like...
BUT over time, I did a little bit of thinking about it. I mean, yeah... at first, it was just nice not to get into that same vicious cycle of making a resolution, breaking it, and joining the rest of the lunks who'd done the same in complaining about the uselessness of new year's resolutions in general... BUT I learned something about myself.
When it comes down to it, and I find something about myself or my life that's intolerable, I change it... I do so (mostly) on my own. It's not always pretty, and the process of growth and change are often messy and difficult and fraught with lapses, backslides, and imperfect performance... BUT I'm capable of changing and growing... just not always on deadlines and certainly not with the kinds of stupid pressures of a new year's resolution that ritually teaches us that "once the promise is broken, it's over."... SO that's become my newer fashion of dealing with growth, change, and bettering myself.
I can't say if this would be the way forward for anybody else, let alone everybody... BUT it's do-able. I gave up on the whole resolution ritual because of that vicious cycle... and I discovered that without a defined and rigid schedule, I COULD still hold myself accountable. I could still learn from mishaps, mistakes, and backsliding... I could review my faults and shortcomings without beating myself up... and if a shortfall didn't outright kill me, it was only ever a happy little setback... from whence I could learn and salvage pieces, and renew my efforts all over again.
Celebrate the small victories. However small they may be, they are still victories. Even the journey of a thousand miles begins with and is generated by single steps. Every step is therefore, progress. It should be celebrated... kept in perspective of course... but celebrated. ;o)
I'm here just before 2023,really pumped up for it 💪
May I suggest an entire book about this subject called “Mindful Self-Discipline” by Giovanni Deinstmann? He talks specifically about how sacrifices are a necessary part of self development, to be welcomed and embraced wholeheartedly. No pain no gain. Simple truths are powerful!
dr k!!! could you maybe do a video on being addicted to attention? as in, constantly needing validation to feel a sense of self-worth, feeling worthless when no one is giving the person attention, doing whatever to get it no matter how self-destructive, etc… and why we do it
I've never played a video game. And I love your channel! Your lectures are my study guide to psychology.
Great stuff
When I asked my older brother, who is a doctor, about resolutions, he said he never did them, he simply said "Just BE resolute".
This reached me about my resolutions and it wasn't the addict brain (though I can struggle with that too) it was such a small thing as "what would x do". Last year I plowed through my resolutions despite everyone knowing (except a few who weren't safe) that I wanted to socially transition and move out. Two goals to achieve by the end of the year. Did it.
This year I've struggled to get off the ground with three goals. Medically transition, become a witch, and become independent.
Half my problem is that these goals involve more conflict with others (esp judgemental and overbearing family members) but the other half of it is "what does that mean". I keep falling to the wayside about what I want to do bc my small goals aren't clear cut like they were last year. Last year I changed my name, my pronouns, and my basic dress to something I'm comfortable with. I found a place, physically moved, and spend a lot of time there. Just do it.
But this year I keep stuttering. "I didnt do my tarot read for a day, I didn't do my moon work, I'm not researching Sabbats, I'm not a patron yet. I'm not a real witch. Give up." "I didn't call the clinic, I haven't gotten my Duolingo streak, I haven't called the dentist, I haven't gotten my records from my parents, I'm not independent and don't have the spine to break away from my family and do something new."
I feel like I can come away better and make a better start this time just asking myself "what does a witch/independent person do". Because right now I'm just getting made at myself for not Just Doing It through my struggles. But I can't do it if I haven't figured out what a witch or the witch I want to be does.
I think sometimes ideas of who we want to be can be so nebulous theres nothing to hold onto. Very helpful, it'll be something great to hold onto as I keep on trying throughout the coming year.
I'm a witch.
I'm a man.
I'm independent.
Its time I started defining those things and acting like it. I know I can.
Mine is and always will be "Become a better person that I was last year". It's not one you can fail or forget. It's always a work in progress.
I've always found New year resolutions pretty dumb like oh wow we've reached an arbitrary point in the earth's orbit around the sun and you're going to revolutionize yourself completely. No it takes time and you have to start small and usually the time doesn't matter pretty much.
I still don't understand why they exist, maybe it's just for others to feel like they're doing something for a change.
its like when you enter a new school year you think you'll change but change happens slowly not through a month
I think they can be good for some people. Like just deciding on a goal doesn't mean you're going to follow through with action, but basically having an excuse to reflect on a flaw and set a goal is what some people need to actually work towards it. Most people may not actually fulfil their goal, but I'm sure some amount of people actually do.
I realised that making long term goals made it hard to follow and i failed them often but making short term goals just helped a lot, like not eating junk for a week is easy but if you set for not eating junk for a month is hard if you are out with friends or with family who is celebrating something makes it more difficult, so i think short term goals are good way to go, clock everyday of progress and even if you fail its just one day.
I think telling people can be very beneficial. If you have them keep you accountable. When you keep it to yourself then it's easy to hide your times of weakness and fall back into bad habits.
"YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD" 😂🤣
Perfection fallacy is real, coming from a Faith background I think I got a lot of this built into the way I look at things that I'm still unlearning. Just because something isn't perfect or fool proof doesn't mean it's not worth it.
Amazing video
absolutely perfectly timed ad break
I hate keeping things secret, it makes me think I'm ignoring or repressing something, but yeah ppl who change don't constantly talk about it, like with a degree ppl who brag about it are usually not doing good, same with my councelling so I constantly tell ppl to feel better cuz I'm insecure about my progress
My dad makes me think I haven't changed & says I ain't allowed to fail so I try to boost my ego, he's trying not to now, but the scars are still there, my ego is still bruised & I blame myself
I think you shouldn't tell people about your NYR, but definitely tell them about the short-term goals that you make on a daily basis to reach that NYR goal.
For example, if my NYR is to lose weight, I shouldn't secretly be exercising each day without telling anyone. Instead, tell your friends that you're going for a jog today or that you want to go to the gym for the first time and maybe even let them come with you. Just keep the final goal a secret.
This is really just based on experience though.
@@Papacarrot Yeah my final goal is to be less dysfunctional & a good person but I wanna try being courteous everyday or at most opportunities or just control myself, but yeah nowhere near, I'll tell ppl what I did not want I'm doing, words mean nothing without action behind them
@@mysticjp7684 I hope you'll suceed at that! Seems like a great goal that I think a lot of other people should try to achieve as well!
Good luck and have a great day.
I value health
I am healthy
I will live according to my values
Gatta walk the walk babes
Don't let failure stop u if one day is missed start again the very next day
Don't let yesterday affect today
If that makes sense, duty like JOB is one of the things that can help us get through something and make changes. For example- I'll be enrolling in a 6 months bootcamp (programming course). There I won't have to pay directly since the organisation finances, but if I will not find a job or will skip classes, I'll have to pay for the whole course myself. So this kind of responsibility gives a sense of duty + the SHOULD for me.
Only a short way in, and I'm loving how much this aligns with JBP's advice!
Dr K called me out so hard. I love it.
Take it day by day
I believe if you are serious about a goal you should get started on it right away. Not a calendar day.
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ”Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing.
- Dwight
I have an issue with this - I don't know how to define a goal as either a duty, value, "should", or desire. Let's say my goal is to get a job. I feel a *duty* to my parents to make use of the education they paid for, it's a *value* for me to be the kind of person who can work 40 hours a week, I *desire* to have some fun in a career I enjoy, and I *should* be a productive person because that's what society wants.
I think I can describe literally any goal as any one of the four quadrants. What do I do with this information?
you could choose whichever one of the four feels intuitively the most compelling. For example, you probably care more about having fun at a job than society expecting you to get a job I imagine. Rank them in order and pick #1
Thanks for sharing this categorization.
at least for me a goal might fall into all four, but not simultaneously. so if it's the same for you, you might notice that at he moment you're thinking about the job in terms of 'should', and you could notice it and focus on the value or duty instead.
@@xXx_Regulus_xXx Thank you, this is a good idea! I'll give it a try.
@@jura9484 I like this idea - I think I need to practice "thinking in the moment" more often. Thank you :)
Wow this advice was amazing!! I am an athlete :)
Before the pandemic I actually tried this and I remember it having unbelievably positive results. I heard it from an illustration podcast and I was literally laughing in the middle of every drawing session bc I couldn't believe it was that simple. Totally forgot about it but I HAVE to try it again!
I've already failed the "don't tell anyone" bit but honestly that won't stop me from do it anyways, especially since i started my resolution a bit before new year anyways because why wait a specific day before bettering myself
THIS!-IS!-CONTENT!
I think a new year's resolution is a gimmick that's caused by society itself. Dr K mentioned cutting sugar as a resolution which is a perfect example. Understand that American foods are generally engineered to be addicting. Chances are, you don't like coffee from Starbucks, you like the sweet additives that go into it. Fast food kinda works the same way. It's convenient, fried in oil, fatty, etc. It's not healthy. In my case, I realized that there's some level of hedonism encouraged by the system. I hate being told what to do or how to live, so it was sort of a rebellious thing for me to cut sugars in drinks and fast food. I found a passion in cooking. So far, my favorite dish is a spicy chicken stir fry.
My new years resolutions are still in act at this moment in time from last year
Hey guys, just watching this video before the new year, and Dr. K makes a point about keeping your resolutions secret, as it loses power when you say it (through the effortless positive emotions.) It makes sense, but it makes me wonder about how in other goals, you would want to make sure you have a partner to keep you accountable. So I was wondering what the nuance is because they seem to both be good points of advice, but possibly contradict each other.