Trying to Release a Favourite Person | BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder
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- čas přidán 20. 01. 2022
- Giving up a favourite person is by far the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I think I'm making progress. So far I'm finding it's got a lot to do with cutting out the black and white thinking. Damn! I should have put that in the video!
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“Make me into the person you want me to be, because I don’t have a clue.” I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut bc this is how I feel and it’s a fucking nightmare.
I feel you on that one man. It hurts especially when that persons tires to use you as well. I hope we all get better together .
Me too. I have BPS and autism and it sucks
it's crazy, i'm 27 and i'm learning about bpd since a month, and i've never actually understood my weird attachment styles, my obsessions, the way i idealize people and the way i compensate for a lack of love for myself!
And for the first time, i feel understood, i don't feel alone, it's a great feeling!
Thx.
Im 44 and found out like 6 months ago and believe me,you'll uncover shit about yourself that will make you cry. Good luck.
'You take care' - these three words almost had me bawling out crying uncontrollably.
Sorry you're going through this, it's the pits. I like your content, it really helps me feel less lonely in this. Like I'm not crazy. I spent 2 months trying to release an FP, and eventually I had to find things to be angry about and hate about the relationship, and that helped me cut contact. She's always somewhere at the back of my mind and I still daydream about her for hours everyday, but I don't long for her actively, I don't feel the urge to call or text. I'm in that fragile place where the anger and (hate??) helps me maintain the distance but if she pops back into my life and just gives me so much as a smile, all my progress will come undone and I'll fall back into the longing and begging for her attention every minute. That is unless I stumble across a new FP before then. Damned if I do damned if I don't.
oh wow I feel every single word of this, thank you
I seriously relate to this. I hope you find peace, as I’ll be hoping for myself as well.
genuinely felt this on a spiritual level. thank you, its times like this where we can all feel less alone together ;-;
Word for word everything im currently feeling. It sucks because logically i KNOW that this is wrong, that what im doing is hurting me. That what im thinking is all in my head. But for some reason, my brain CANNOT fully accept reality. I always fall back.
I hate it here! Omg I want to let go already damnit.
Yes !! Finally i know that I’m not the only one like this !
The struggle is very painful and frustrating, for me it’s a back nd forth thing. The obsession stops for weeks then it comes back and usually i get obsessed over a person for a year and when the year is finished i somehow find another person and become obsessed all over again! It’s mind blowing
Omfg yes yes and yes! They anchor me, they compete me, they define me. They are the glue that sticks me to the earth. Without them, i exist only in empty space. And it’s about figuring out how to steer through that void.
Wow. Im trying to leave my favorite person alone. I don't even think they will care, I just don't know what to do with my self if I don't have a love interest to focus on. But it's embarrassing how obsessive I become. A part of me will miss him too much. I don't even know what he thinks of me, but I like him too much, he's become my God.
Yes, I need to create my own life without thinking it exists because of my FP. I can’t fathom releasing them or cutting them off completely because I’ll do whatever it takes to be with them… because the thought of not being with them is a nightmare come true. I’m giving them space because that’s what they asked for. So these empty hours and pockets throughout the day that I want filled with them, I need to replace it with other outlets instead of them. I don’t know what those outlets are but I need to find and explore it to find myself….
it's so crazy to hear the way you think and relate to it. i feel so relieved because i'm the only person i know with bpd and i feel so different from anyone around me. this disorder sucks so bad and makes existing so painful. i started taking meds and realized ever since my suicide attempt in march i've been living and changing myself for a person who i don't even know. i just feel so crazy and like an alien around everyone else. i've been working towards living for myself and existing for my happiness but the mourning that comes with disconnecting from a favorite person is almost unbearable and i've been using harmful coping mechanisms. i just had to vent and let you know i really appreciate your videos.
I can relate to everything you told. I didn't attempt suicide but I sometimes hurt myself. I had really bad depressions and it's my 5th hospitalisation.
You're not alone, I hope you 're getting better, and hope those feelings are less painful.
It really is incredibly painful isn't it... I don't know exactly what you are feeling but I can definitely empathize, as a fellow borderline. It hurts more than physical injuries, having to let go of a favorite person. And usually you are letting go of them in the first place because they rejected you and don't want you in their life, or are abusive.
I hope you are doing better, you can get through this I know it. :)
Thanks. It hurts so much right now and I just want it to end. I can feel myself progressing.
She’s my best friend so I don’t wanna cut her out I just want to have a normal friendship with her xx
hi, I just wanted to say really really thank you... it's liberating knowing that's there's someone out there that understands the struggles I'm going through
The honesty here is palpable. Always wanted to say some of this out loud. Thank you for saying it out loud.
I’m going through this right now.. thank you for helping me feel less alone.
i agree.. it’s the crazy lengths i’m willing to go to trying to get this person back that makes me hate this process
I’ve been making steps to dial it back with my fp of 5 years. She’s my best friend but we’ve also dated once before. She’s never done anything that I latched onto enough to split, but she did a few months ago and now I’ve gone cold turkey and have tried to no contact her. It was the most painful experience ever. And I have no other support than her in my life too. I recently texted her back and explained the situation to be fair to her and all she’s said was an oh, okay, i see. The image I had of her is completely shattering and I want to stop being so dependent on her but I am so, so lost without her.
Thank you so much. I am struggling so much to let go of my fp. My male best friend, we've spent the last 3.5 years together almost every day, basically dating. I pushed my husband and my kids aside to try to escape the issues going on in my marriage. Now I'm struggling to breathe every day and trying to explain it to my friend is probably scaring him away. I just want our normal friendship back. 😞
Also, the part about watching your life like it's a movie, with music and everything, is exactly how I've experienced my life and memories and always wondered why and if anyone else did. Thank you for mentioning that
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and honesty.
I know this is an older video, but I'm going through letting go of my FP dynamic currently (a very good friend) and while I'm so sorry you experienced this, I related to everything, and it makes me feel less alone and less insane. The anguish of understand how emotionally unsafe I feel with this person because of how attached I am is scary, but not being able to see who I am in a balanced, healthy friendship with them is also scary. This isn't my first time having to distance myself from an FP, but it surely doesn't get easier with time.
I hope you have progressed on your journey and have found some form of self worth. And if not, know that you're never alone in your search.
I hope you are doing well today. I'm going through mine and it's a living hell. I was looking around CZcams for help and saw many videos about the BPD person being the problem, but many don't realize that it is often the other way around.
@@jenynz5334 I'm still struggling, some days a lot. But those unbearable days are getting fewer and farther between. I understand the pain you're going through, and I also heavily relate to the struggle in finding empathetic media about people with BPD. I really recommend the channels for Dr. Daniel Fox, Dr. Ramani Durvasula (on the MedCircle channel), and Kati Morton. All are licensed health professions/licensed therapists and have SUPER empathetic and hopeful videos about borderline based on research and data. Lots of videos from the channel BPD Beautiful are good too (love their video Saying No to People with BPD w.o BPD Triggers)
It's so hard not to blame ourselves, especially during such a painful time, but we deserve safety and consistency with our loved ones too. One day it WILL get easier being away from that person, and you'll be able to see what that dynamic lacked and what other lessons you learned. You aren't alone, friend. Take care of yourself.
I lost my favorite person and I have not been able to function but it was someone who just keeps having a favorite person
This is so difficult to express and you have done an awesome job at vocalizing these feelings. I am loving this daily right now. And it is really painful.
The film clip memory, being deeply impacted by music, right down to how you describe the FP, I'm hearing you, exact!
It's good to know it's not just me.
This is vulnerable and so relatable. Great job.
I just lost my fp and partner of 12 years. I've never felt this kind of pain.
I feel this to my core right now because I'm literally trying to let go of my favorite person after having split and ruining the entire friendship... It's horrible and excruciating and i just want it to end and go back to the way it was.
Hey man, appreciate you sharing your struggle. I have received a BPD diagnosis in the last year and can relate to what you're saying. Time definitely helps, I just slowly have realised that it doesn't really matter, or atleast the windows in which I percieve it this way become more frequent and last longer. Its so crippling because you are able to articulate it really well and you can't seem to change it but I think this is common in BPD. One thing that may help is that the favourite person you have and say I have are different people and we could compare them all day and I wouldn't be fazed by yours and you wouldn't be fazed by mine. It sucks that you have to endure this because you realise on a certain level that it doesn't matter but the way I see it is that by navigating this problem that not many have you will be better equipped to articulate how you got out of it. I try to tell myself that all that matters in some sense is the present, in terms of doing things just try and do them for the sake of doing them, for example even if you sit there and play guitar in a way that is inspired by your ex just let it all out, it can get extreme I know but just get it all out and eventually I just find myself bored of it and my mind wants to do something else if only for 20 minutes. I like to write and what I find helps is just writing and sometimes I may write 70% about my past hurts or future concerns and 30% is new creative ideas but don't shy away form it because I believe the ratio will begin to shift. I hope this makes some sense and again really appreciate you making this video, it sure beats cycling through the ones titled 'What to do when you're the borderlines favorite person - run!' And whilst therapist videos cna be useful they obviously cannot empathise to the same degree. Much love man.
this is insanely accurate
i'm going through the same right now. i'm craving the connection i had from my fp and i'm just not able to get it anywhere else no matter how hard I try, it's just not the same. i'm trying to distract myself but at the end of the day my fp is still in the back of my head... nothing else makes me feel quite as real. i don't know how to completely release them... in the back of my head there is always hope of re-connecting...
I'm still right there myself. I'm hoping it will go away eventually.
@@EarlyMorningBarking but i'm wondering... does any part of you genuinely want to re-connect or have that person in your life in some meaningful way? or you know you ultimately don't want to, and are in the middle of executing that
It doesn’t matter what I want. If the other person doesn’t want to reconnect, there’s not much I can do about it.
The pandemic and lockdowns really f’ed with me and I’d guess a lot of other BPD people. Without object constancy, being locked away from everything and everyone drove me into a deep depression, forced me to admit that I couldn’t stand my husband of 30 years, etc. jumped right into the arms of a person who’d been a friend for years, he became my favorite person, and he’s NPD so I became his, for a while. It’s been crushing. 2 1/2 years of riding this roller coaster. Finally, finally seeing my own part and all this but I crave that man so bad some days I want to end.
this was so relatable especially when you were talking about the movie scenes and the backround music. im going through all of this right now i feel like this video has helped so thank you.
Thank you for your videos🙏🏼 You have no idea how much they help
You are so welcome!
This made me feel very seen. Thank you
Came back to this video and really appreciate what you talk about here and how it helps in a lot of ways thank you for your honesty and feeling in this ❤
Glad it was helpful!
You have a beautiful and very smart mind.
this struck me so hard, thank you for sharing man honestly
My pleasure!
i have had people fixations in my life. few and far between, but it does happen. otherwise i want to not be around any person. i wonder how to not distance myself. this was really interesting to listen to.
hope you've been well :) i know we haven't spoken in a while (part of the not wanting to be around people/forgetting to engage with people)
I'm at the point in my CPTSD/BPD (quiet type) where I'm a bit too traumatized to deal with anyone else. I am working on healing enough to reach out.
This is one of the most honest, courageous videos I have ever seen about BPD.. What a gift, thank you it means a lot to me 🙏❤
You're so welcome!
You expain so clearly, with so much emotion what a favourite person is and how that kind of relationship hurts.
I have a favourite person. But listening to you i realise i had few, each of them was impossible to go somewhere, my maths teacher, one of my psychologist, a unhappy straight married woman, an ex straight colleague staying only for a few months, etc. I'm now seeing that at the end of each of those 'relationships' I fall in depression and hospitalisation.
Thank you.
I feel you. I'm going through this right now myself. It's like a drug, honestly, and it feels like a lifelong road to recovery to stop being obsessed with another person so hard and start actually, genuinely investing in myself and even finding who that is. It's so hard, and I hope you're doing okay and making progress. I'm rooting for you!
What an emotional video. I like the metaphor of the plant in a smaller pot... exactly what needs to be done, but the hardest challenge. I hope you're doing better now.
Just been through this, I feel for you. Thank you for this video and your vulnerability
You are so welcome
Definitely need to watch this
currently having to let go of my FP of 7 years who was also my ex boyfriend, this is truly the hardest experience of my life
I wish I could give you advice, but I don't how to either. There are some tools that help it not be as bad, but it still sucks. The best way is to find someone else, but I don't know how healthy that is either
the middle part did hit me like a truck
The weird thing about being involved with someone with bpd is that I just liked them and wanted them to be who they were with me. I didn't want them to be anything else, just be real with me. Maybe that was too intense for them at the time.
For sure it can be super intense. Seems so simple, but for us with the BPD that's like asking us to one know what we are, and also risking that if we do show that....then "you" may not like what "you see" and then BAM ABANDONED
Thank you so much for this. It had me in tears at multiple points through the video. I'm trying to release my FP (ex girlfriend) as she suddenly broke all contact with me. I'm forced into letting her go. And it's so, so painful. It's so hard not to keep sending her messages or calling her. But she won't react, she won't pick up the phone. It makes me wanna beg, but I know I shouldn't. I'm hoping to God that this will get easier... Again, thanks so much, all your words are very relatable. I hope you're okay right now.
we are in the same boat we got this ok we will be ok
@@anyanan41 Thank you for your kind words - I wish you all the best
this sounds like exactly what i'm going through right now. my FP blocked me a few months ago and I am finding it very difficult to cope and not think about him every second of the day. i hope you are doing somewhat better.
This happened with me as well..my fp blocked me everywhere since a month and I have been struggling to function normally..it hurts a lot
Thx, i need it now
I want to say thank you for such vulnerability. Can I ask what treatment you are having please xx thank you x keep shining and sharing your journey! X
Currently I'm at the "tell me what you want out of this relationship, in specifics, so I can decide if I can be that for you" in relation to my FP relationship changing on my FPs part. (Best friend-having life changes not romantic partner)
my girlfriend broke up with me 6 months ago and i still haven't recovered. not a single day goes by when she isn't completely ovetaking my thoughts. when we broke up, she decided it was best for her to go no-contact, and so she blocked me on everything. i feel so lost. i feel like a moon without a planet. i feel aimless, listless, and broken. im confused and hurt but all my worst thoughts about myself were confirmed. the only way i've managed to deal with the depression, moon swings, and sui ideation has been through alcohol and pot. i don't know how to live my life anymore.
thank you, im going thru the same thing now
I am very moved by what you say in your film. I hope you are feeling a little bit better right now. Wish you all the best
I am or was the fp of someone, I ghosted him, cut all contact with him I definitely vanished from his world. Now I feel guilt because maybe he's having a hard time wondering what or why I disappear. I hope he's doing ok, doing music and taking care of his cats. ❤️ forever N.L
I hope, for his sake, he doesn’t see this. If I were doing well, and saw your message in a comment section, but from my fp, it has the potential to undo any progress.
I'm not diagnosed BPD, but I am with PTSD, OCD, panic disorder, and depression. This just happened to me 3 weeks ago and it absolutely is one of my worst nightmares come to life. I already have such visceral wounds from the neglect and abuse of my mother (I'm 23). It is so painful because this was someone I looked at as a mentor/maternal type figure in my life. I just want this semester to be over - I'm so tired from everything. When I'm asleep I don't have to feel the hurt of it or remind myself that I'm not worthy and I'll be alone the rest of my life.
I'm the favourite person then one day I'm not the favourite person I'm the worst person they can't even look at
This is hard for me to hear out loud but I really appreciate it
I have just experienced the most horrifically painful discard from my male partner who has bpd, he recorded me talking to myself in January and said I had someone there in the house, I did a Polograph which said I was telling the truth, he refused to accept it - 8 months of torturing comments and angry outburst, and name calling to make me pay, for nothing - and now he’s ignoring me for 3 weeks - the injustice is huge and unbearable, and I’m so sad for both of us - he’s been in hell because he thought I’d cheated and I’ve been in hell because I haven’t - BPD is so hard.
I just found your channel and I’m so glad that I did. I believe I’m the favorite person to someone with undiagnosed bpd. He met him on Instagram and messaged him first only because I’m an Empath and was giving words of encouragement because he was going through a difficult time. He has never answered me directly. It’s been 2 years of “indirect” communication on his IG stories…. Well, I got tired of the communication games so I said that I would remove myself…. Little did I know I made a big mistake…. He “subliminally” has been arguing with me and saying some pretty nasty things. I had no choice but to block him…. Now he’s sending subliminals about wanting to give up and being in a crisis and I don’t know what to do…. Can you give me some direction?
i'm so tired of people who have to state that they're empaths in situations where it's unnecessary. if it's indirect then how do you know it was towards you at all? on top of that, you're not responsible for someone else's feelings unless you intentionally tried to make them feel a certain way.
Was watching your videos to understand my wife who has bpd more and because of how in depth you go I’m now questioning whether I have it too 😂😮😢😅
It's not easy because then you don't know who you are, what to do, the world just stops And the emptiness they filled is back. I'm a self-destructive BPD it's hard to do I cut my FP off because I knew I was I was doing more mentally damaged to her than anything. And I don't want that for my loved one
I am doing this on my own and I think that's why this is really hard. But that is what it is and I'm doing the best I can. This is the reason why I don't seek out any types of relationships, I have one friend (who thank gawd) lives far away from me. I throw myself into work, avoid avoid, avoid ... it helps for a short time. I just need some fucken instructions, but then will I follow them ... around and around we go. Fucken hell.
its almost 2 year i decided to leave my friend after she suddenly cut me off, actually i didnt know what happend to me tho, its like i found someone that understand me into the bone. and i dont know when the time that im realize that she is my fp because in the past im not that defend on her, but after i have prob with other friend, she becaming my fp, but i realize this relationship are wrong at many level, i becaming defend so much to her, like im scared when she is not answering my text, that was crazy when she is cutt of me suddenly, and everything goes dark, like idont know what to do. but after 2years, even tho im still thinking about her sometimes but is not intens like it was. until now i still have to not contact her. its a crazy feeling that i ever had in my life.
disclaimer, fp is not like we choose intentionally, it happend naturally. i didnt realized at first until that cut off.
i always knew that maybe she just being some kind of human being, because of my dysfuctional personality, but ya maybe this is the path that i should face, i miss the old times when we were be friend without any of this lol.
and thank u for author in this video. because of this u, i realized my mistake.
❤️
I appreciate your honesty. I wonder how you are now in Aug. ?
Thanks. You might want to check out my latest video, which will answer your question.
I imagine most people don't know what they really want... It's not just you buddy!
We’ve split up and got back together so many times I’ve lost count, we’ve had a precious baby boy together who is now 2, we’re married, he told me less than 2 days ago he loves me and plans to have another baby with me and now he’s gone completely cold turkey ignore all my calls and texts for 24 hrs even after I’ve shown him a pic of a positive test, we’ve been blessed and now he’s ignoring me, he never does this, he’s wanting to break up with me this is it for good I’m trying to my hardest to be sane for my son but I’m really not happy. I’m wanting to cry but I just can’t I’m just in shock hed ignore me after saying all this stuff to me I’m his WIFE
💎❤
Do you have a email where I can email you ?
You can DM me on any of the big social media platforms.
Adhd and autistic people experience the same thing but for different reasons
This is insane 🥲
❤