Romantic Obsession | BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder
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- čas přidán 25. 10. 2020
- What happens when you become romantically obsessed with somebody? Why does it happen with some people and not others? What the hell is going on here. Seriously!
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It’s so painful it’s killing me...I get attached in my head, then we’re together...Then I realise it’s not even REAL...they make me know it isn’t real.....then back to square one, I’m better off isolating!!!
I felt that. It's been 6 months for you since this comment. Any improvement?
Remember it’s all in the mind. The mind is a tricky thing. It will lie to you every chance it gets. The ego mind is not your friend until you put it in a better place. Empty your mind completely. Do not identify with your thoughts simply observe them from a place of emotional dettachment.
Same girl
I’m so tired of this cycle
Yes I'm at this point too . . . This is cluster B for you a lot of people develope antisocial disorder tendencies .
Yess it’s always the emotional unavailable men that I’m obsessed with
same but with women, ruins my dating life :/
And men who wont commit 😢
I didn’t see him for 34 years, he was always on my mind.
How did you live
listen to Always On My Mind by Cali Cartier
great song
I'm sorry Dear, I can't imagine how that feels. I wish I could give you a hug, I would spend a whole day with you just to let you vent out the pain
This is happening to me rn, stronger than ever cause he gave me so much love, validation and affection, but we aren’t together and met not long ago - and I am OBSESSED!!! I feel so much anxiety and anger seeing him with others, not paying attention to me. Been 2 days since we talked and it’s eating me up. I hate it.
Sis I've been feeling this way for 15 months and the opposite end hasn't even given me any attention yet.
"superimposing this view on this person" It's been a while since I've felt this called out lmao. One time a person said a particular flirty thing to me and, probably in the span of a few seconds I mapped out in my head the rough outline of spending our whole lives together including a micro daydream of our marriage. It took me a while to realize how fucked up that actually is lmao.
Oh! I've done this too! Usually I've attributed that to intuition though. Im my case I think in hindsight that proved to be true but of course I admit bc my "lense" is skewed my picker of partners is way efed up. I'm working on that.
Yes, if people can hear my thoughts they would think I’m deranged. Maybe we are lol
When they are obsessed with me and care more then i do, they go to extreme lengths to keep me and I get bored , they arnt obsessed with me and I care more then they do and I put more energy into it then they do I go crazy and push them away because I feel rejected . It's never a balance and I don't know which is better.
Neither honestly cause someone ends up hurt or feeling rejected
Yes. You must first have a healthy relationship with yourself before you can negotiate the complex dynamics of interpersonal relationships. Thanks for revealing your epiphany.
Sometimes I think he's giving mixed signals, and sometimes I think "was that a signal or did i make it one" but then i want to be realistic. He told me he had a dream of me that I was sitting on his lap. Before that we were flirty friends, but him DREAMING about me makes it seem real. And I hate it cuz I know I will fuck it up again, I'll have too much self doubt and it'll get in the way. There will always be something of myself that will mess it up
Sometimes, I wonder whether they really don’t like me or if it’s me making up in my head that they don’t like me. That’s my struggle
That's the part that kills me
I’m not in your shoes and I can’t tell u 100% if it’s true or not. They probably werent seeking a romantic relationship with u. They could’ve liked u as a friend nothing more. But don’t be discourage.. y’all probably weren’t a great match but that doesn’t mean u won’t be able to find the right person for u. Be with someone who can reciprocate the same feelings u have for them
Some are players
You have no idea how much this video has helped me. Thank you! I am sitting here crying and laughing at the same time because it all makes so much sense. I am currently going through a "obsessive episode" and its turning my entire world and life upside down as my emotions are all over the place. This will helped me take a different approach on the situation, move on, and be in a better place. Really appriciate this!
i relate to this so much. my jaw dropped when you said that it's the fear of abandonment kicking in when the person doesn't like you as much as you like them. i have done this with two people now and felt so embarrassed about it, but i just have to move on. i just got diagnosed with bpd and am starting treatment so thank you for these tips.
Hello Isabel, which treatment did you start and is it helping you? Just got my diagnosis and struggling on what to do about it. Sorry for my poor English, I am not a native speaker.
It's horrible I cannot let people go and if they try to leave me I cannot let them. I will do anything for them to stay with me I want them forever and ever i don't want them to go they are mine and only mine
I loved a guy for 7,5 years. He was my classmate and he was just perfect - in my head. He has never been interested in me - he had lots of girlfriends and he has one currently. But I have always loved him and I would do ANYTHING. I would change my looks, interests and anything I needed to just so that he would like me. And right now I think I will die because I can not get over him and it hurts. I can’t take it anymore.
Shit. That's heavy
At this point, whenever I feel the slightest bit of obsession, I cut all contact. I just can’t trust myself. And it’s not because I didn’t like them, I just don’t want to subject anyone to the confusion. It’s like a losing battle all the time. Having a FP can be an incredibly painful experience for both persons involved, and without a FP you feel empty.
this video hit like a truck, i have autism, and really struggle to actually build relationships, so i idealise desperately because i sometimes feel like theres nothing else i can do :/
Read untethered soul by micheal singer
This is the term! Romantic obsession. I need to get this thing together before I mess things up!
The woman is indeed married, and I respect her, and I respect her man as a human being.
I just want to get this thing off my head so I can keep going to work without any emotional distress.
Good that youre doing something to stop it…i wish i could have and then it dragged on for 2 years…but im no longer obsessed the obsession just sort of disappeared but i wish it couldve sooner…
People who struggle with codependent personalities can be also very obsessed with romantic partners, also empaths can be obsessed with a partner. Especially when the partner somehow subconsciously reminds them of the abusive parent as they understand it as love, even it can be abusive behavior and they consciously know it is abusive. Codependents don't have a problem with abandonment but they can also be very obsessed as the pattern of similarity can be very strong and they are attracted to that pattern subconsciously.
As a known empath/adhd/bipolar/codependent, this makes me wonder if i also have elements of bpd because it fit like a fucking glove.
Hard to tell but I’ll review the criteria and am appreciative of both this video and the comment as food for thought
@@neptvnenoise Every traumatized person has traits of everything. BPD, NPD, codependency etc...but it doesn't make you fully disordered. People who are properly disordered in certain ways are the ones who have only one platform within, for example, BPD platform, NPD platform etc..Generally traumatized people mostly have more psychological platforms to step on from within. That makes them "observers" of other psychological platforms from within when they switch. Full-blown NPD has only NPD platform with zero introspection so they act NPD 24/7 and they are most prone to strong narcissistic injuries as they have nothing else within themselves.
@@neptvnenoise you might want to explore that. I was initially diagnosed as bipolar and took Lithium for years. Of course that didn't work as most meds won't.
@@TomeRodrigo well written but honestly cluster b disorders are not only trauma based I think the crux of them stem from shame. Also, most cluster b disorders have a lot of overlap so there really is no platform for one disorder.
@@TomeRodrigojust so you're aware I would do some research because Dr. Ramani is a licensed psychologist and said that people can have both BPD and NPD
I needed to hear this, I've taken a liking to somebody and I thought about them what I believed was an alarming amount of times, this video helped me realize why, I'm panicked and worrying about too many things on top of not loving myself all that much. I'm glad I'm not crazy and that other people experience this.
Glad I could help
I'm very glad I found your channel. I have BPD and it's relentless.
It is. But self awareness helps so much! Dbt therapy has really helped me to the point I am almost in complete remission. I still have some lingering issues but PTSD is a bich.
Thank you so much for this. I feel so grateful being aware of this all at 24. After over a year of not dating, I am slowly starting to talk to an old flame again, and I needed this video to keep me grounded. Since our last relationship, I have gotten medicated, educated myself on BPD, and I’ve gotten therapy. Most importantly, I’ve found a lot of inner peace through being alone and have made a lot of beneficial changes in my life that I’m proud of. I’m very hopeful that staying diligent and self-aware will prevent all of the turmoil that BPDs usually experience with love (turmoil which tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy lol). I think the key is that rather than obsessing, we need to turn that attention inward and address whatever it is inside of us that’s causing us to obsess, as it originates from fear and insecurity.
Holy shit, you just blew my mind. I am afflicted with the BPD condition and you just spoke TRUTH. I like the box analogy to the head; because we tend to live in the head and not the heart!!! I was chasing after my ex wife for 10 years and she dangled the carrot, even mowed lawns for her to win her back. Everyone could see the manipulation except for me, lol!
This blessed me. I love your delivery and approach. I feel seen and non judged. Thank you.
I'm so glad!
Oh my god . This hit the mark. Thank you for making this. Honestly i hope i get over this as soon as possible . It's been three years already and I can't get over that person. I've never been in a relationship with them just have a history. As you said you don't have to be in a relationship for this kind of obsession to happen. It's detrimental for my mental health.
You’ll get there. Good luck with it.
The same exact thing happened to me. I took me 3 years to get over. U have to completely remove every trace of them. That's the only thing that helps. 💔
same for me! Three years since the breakup.. And we are in contact again in super weird ways. We both are probably disordered (I am diagnosed he is not). I am struggling to know if its love or an obsession or both. I feel like I can't get over this person and right now I am in a episode of obsessive online stalking
I hope you are doing better. I’ve been in the same situation with a man I know that is long distance it’s been going on for 15 years, it doesn’t matter whether we are single or he’s with someone or I’m with someone he keeps reaching out to me almost every year and it’s starts a whole downward spiral of total obsession. We met online 15 years ago and talked for 6 months but he was in another country and at the time neither one of us could afford to go meet in person so we ended up in other relationships but I’ve never gotten over him completely. He reached out October 2022 and I’ve been obsessed again ever since.
@@MelModica i am doing better and even have a boyfriend now and we’ve been together for over a year now. but i literally woke up this morning dreaming of the person that i had a history with guy. i had a dream i was calling him telling him i love him and he did not care at all. i dont know what it is about him till this day… damn.
Man you hit the head on this so damn accurately... Thank you🙏 for sharing this.... Im just realizing right now how much my BPD destroyed my relationship, although she had severe narcissism....I realized the more narcissistic she was the worse my BPD became
Been there, done that - very much aware of it at this point of my life, what really bothers me still about it is how I can't trust my own perception, legitimately one of the few things that make me feel like I might be some shade of 'clinically insane' after all, which makes extending any sort of self-compassion and not judge myself for things like this to the point of self-destruction harder than it already is
I’m in a relationship with a person with BPD. I have experienced the love bombing and idealisation and the devaluation and discard. It isn’t that you don’t love or like the person with BPD but you can’t ever love them enough. They need more and more reassurance and it just wears you out in the end. So when you say that we don’t love/like you as much as you love/like us it’s a little misleading because a person without BPD would love you normally but for the person with BPD that’s not enough.
i’ve never felt so understood before.
I wish more therapist's spoke to us like this
I've dealt with this in my teenage and early 20s years( I'm 29). I've been on a personal journey of self discovery, it's had its ups and downs and I've done it on my own all while forgiving myself and my old relationship partners for past mistakes. I've met a new woman at the gym that I actively talk to in a very friendly way but I can tell that I'm becoming obsessed with her. In a new stage of wanting to heal and be better for myself I want a chance with a woman like her but I feel like I don't have a chance which is setting things in motion for the whole "what do you or don't you see in me". A part of me can honestly tell if I was with her she wouldn't understand pain and the things I've struggled due to my bad childhood. As an adult I don't want these issues and I need to be responsible, but none of it feels good
Then you find someone who really really likes you, more than i like them maybe. And that scares me bc i think some Thing is wrong with for liking me with bpd . I push then away, and then eventually decide to let Them in. And then the fear of abandonment kicks in.
I know this post is 2 years old ,but this is very good info. Thanks for sharing. It has helped me understand a friend of mine.
No problem, it’s all still good information. Thanks for watching!
This was really helpful. It made me cry which is not easy for me but very releasing. Thank you
I’m glad to know I’m not alone and now I understand what’s going on. Wow I wish I knew they didn’t like me up front and I wouldn’t have acted so darn foolish
I am still trying to put the pieces together from a relationship that I had one and a half years ago. I was obsessed with here, actually stalked her and somehow ended up together. After some time I started to have trouble hiding the monsters from the cellar, felt the fear that she would abandon me and leave me for good. She did for her own good. Now I am still ruminating over what happened.
It helped me to hear this. I knew it was an ideal that I created in my head, although she was close to what I considered ideal. She left me with the feeling that I was not good enough. It still breaks my heart after this time.
Time will heal the wounds eventually.
Omg i love the way how you speak so
Authentic
I’ve never gotten help for bpd because I’m too embarrassed to talk about it. Life’s so hard w this
SO brave to admit this. This is incredibly valuable information and VERY helpful in dealing with these sorts of situations! Thank you!💙
A guy is stalking me and is super obsessed with me, he has a gf but he's willing to break up with her just to be with me.... I don't like him romantically, his flirtious remarks never stops.... Please, someone help me to stop his obsession... I can't sleep at night thinking about him, I'm so scared of him and I'm having panic attacks because of him.
I'm kind of in the same situation-anxiety thinking about him lurking, he shows up at my house unannounced and just watches (neighbors have confirmed this). Have you thought about a restraining order? Any tips from anyone else in your life?
@@kspire9976sadly no, please let me know if you have found some way to stop this... 🥲
Get major romantic obsessions as well, but don't think for me it's fear of abandonment. Think it's instead something called as Zeikarnik Effect which is usually used to explain why some people obsess over others. It's really weird. At times wish they (or my obsessions) were dead, so the case would be closed and my mind could rest (Zeikarnik effect) or if I imagine them however with someone else, I get severe negative feelings.
So Zeikarnik Effect is that waiters far more easily remember failed orders or orders that are due than orders they have completed. They barely remember orders or the faces of people with completed orders, or even at all. So it's like task manager in your mind that is loaded with emotions instead of computer RAM and the bigger the emotions you have the heavier the load is on the CPU or brains in this case. So as long as the case is incomplete or due it keeps hitting that top chart of the task manager in addition that it's loaded with emotion, and the mind in away wants to close that case. It wants it complete.
Which in away for me would explain that wish they would move to the other end of the world so wouldn't have to think about them as the case would be closed then, but as long as there's even a small chance of me succeeding in getting the love I want it's going to the top of the task manager in my mind instantly and it keeps going there until the case is closed for good.
Really helpful to hear other people's reflections on this, thankya. At this point, I kind of leverage my bpd habits to help me deal with the emotional turmoil of some aspects of borderlinelife. At this point, I can see when the cringe is coming on and how it's going to build up, so I will do what I can to deflect the bpd tendency to obsess over whatver it is I'm obsessing over at the time. I know I personally can only keep two or three things going on at a time, Iand have had some good luck just mentally flicking the least helpful and least productive thing off the table and ignore it. It can take care of itself for a little while, while I tune into things that reinforce my mental health and identity. It's a habit that's gotten easier as I do it more, and has let me remain more focused on goals like learning about bpd, learning life skills for the visually impaired, and start working on a business plan. Don't get me wrong, that compulsion to just obsess over one of the things I obsess over, it's still there and still sucks to deal with. Its still uncomfortable, and still takes effort, but after doing this a couple of months I look at all the progress I've made and feel like it's progress.
SORRY my comments can be so janky and poorly formatted. :(. These topics are really difficult for me to speak about already, but I use a screen reader to access text and it often reads out my own comments to me as I continue to compose them or string another thought in. The worst!
The level of self-awareness you've achieved is really inspiring, sir! Thanks for sharing your insights with us.
This video define my case, I've been obsessive over a guy for almost two years and half
I still don't know how to get out of this.
Im really feeling weak
i usually don’t do this but thank you so much man this is the wake up i needed it’s like you were speaking right to me. i’ve always struggled with this but just being able to regonize what the problem already eases my mind so much i’ve never realized i’ve always had an idea that i put up on a pedestal of what love is supposed to be i’ve fatanzied about love my entire life thought it had to be a specific way now im realizing love isn’t like a movie it’s not one thing
Funny how I was diagnosed with borderline personality when I was 14 and we thought that was incorrect because I was also struggling with a hormone imbalance, well now I’m 25 and the hormone imbalance has long since been cured and I have this obsessive tendency in relationships. I control myself but it’s like putting on a mask and being tortured on the inside. I broke it off with the person I’m obsessed with and I’m focusing on remodeling my room and when I get that done, I’m going to study ways to help myself with this personality disorder. It’s so easy to ask a man for his number when I think he’s cute because I have the confidence to easily do so but I recognize I’m too vulnerable to date until I figure this out first. Not even a casual thing.
Yeah I mean it’s hard sometimes accepting someone doesn’t like us. I mean it’s horrid when they are rude about it, though.
absolutely lmao, especially if the person being rude is the person youre obsessing over
Thank you so much you have described perfectly the problems with trying to have a relationship and the obsessive love tied up with BPD. You have described it far better than I ever could
Hello, thank you so much, you are a breath of fresh air and a beautiful soul. Please keep making more videos, you are helping so many people, and you take care also. Many many thanks!
I'm going through this now. Only it's evolved into not actually wanting a relationship with this person, nut merely getting her to acknowledge me and treat me like a human being. She blocked me and never told me why. All i want is her to say "sorry, i shouldn't have blocked you and ignored you, this is what happened". I just want a sense of closure, is that so wrong?
It happened to me twice you should do everything to stop that obession and i mean EVERYTHING.
She ghosted you
I needed this more than anyone could know. Thank you so much.
Yes, Ive done it. I have to tell myself not to bother them too much.
i’m balling because i felt like you were speaking directly to me
thank u i needed this so much thank u so much i’m so happy i found u
*bawling?
The words I needed to hear 😍 thank you so much!!
Thank you, I really needed to listen to this 🙏🏻 hope you are doing good now and continue that way
I super appreciate your self awareness and honesty. New sub here 🙋♀️ thank you 🌹
This was definitely a wake up call thanks brother
Bravo, sir. This is raw and honest and vulnerable, and it is a fantastic examination of how we come off the rails.
I'm so grateful for this. Thank you! This helped me SO much.
You're so welcome!
Excellent truths spoken clearly and have the sound that my gut jabs me in the ribs and says see that's what me brain tried to tell you to find a way to follow. Thanks for doing you and giving at least me a packaged recipe for progressing into comfort in my mind and skin.
My feelings and behaviors being put in words. Glad I'm not alone
Fuck, I really needed to hear this.
Thanks man!
Thank youuuuu soo much, never ever stop making the vedios . You are magical buddy.💙
Thanks! & cool shirt!
Thank you, I needed to listen to this
This is very insightful
Spot on my friend, such a wiId concept when you reaIIy experience it on both ends.
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. Therapy's too expensive for me right now. 😆
Saves u money . Doesn't take a therapist to have knowledge to say this to someone .
Great video, thank you!
Thank you so much. This made me cry. I’m subscribing.
Let's fight against it together!!! 💪🏽
this video really helped me, thank you so much for making this
really well explained. Thank you so much.
thank you for reminding ❤️
Thanks for your vulnerability...well said, you're right on point.
this makes so much sense i never thought about it like this holy shit
Great video, pretty much sums up how I feel currently
Thank you for posting this
You're welcome
lo mucho que me haz ayudado >>>>
Brilliantly explained thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you, this makes sense
beautifully said mate.
Nah this was so helpful, really appreciate you boss man for real
No problem 👍
I started off the video disagreeing with the point that our obsession with someone stems from fear and panic. As he continued to make his point, he just kept hitting the mark over and over and everything he said hit rlly close to home
Im currently in a situation where I know someone has a crush on me (they’ve admitted as much) and for wtv reason I just can’t vibe with them that hard or reach that same level. It sucks because she is a really nice girl and I enjoy talking to her but there’s just no feelings there
On the other hand i’ve been talking to another girl as just friends and I just can’t get her out of my head. She has a bf and lives in another city but I just obsess over wanting to be with her. I’ve let it be known that I do like her without expecting anything in return and ofc she didn’t reciprocate those feelings. We’ve never met irl so I know that deep down there will come a time where she will stop talking to me and it hurts. I constantly check my messages with her just to see if she’s responded back but ofc she hasn’t! If she had, I would have gotten a notification on my phone lol
It’s gotten to be a pretty unhealthy obsession just constantly checking my phone to see if she answered my last message yet and it’s had me feeling really lost. This video really helped put it all into perspective now so thank you!
Thank you. For real.
I wish I watched this video 2 years ago when u released it. LOL
Hello, thank You for this video :)
Damn.. this is on the money.. I don’t even know what to say
Wow thank you!!!❤❤❤❤
No problem 😊
🖤Being “smothered” and clingy is a great form of love. 💜🖤💜
I feel stared at and exposed. Thank you
I think a little bit this is human nature. I mean just an extreme version. I think we all have crushes and fantasy relationships and infatuation. But yeah you gotta get to know someone, really.
Ive experienced the obsession -> abandonment pipeline so many times this past year.
Ive now met someone who is amazing and has the same disorders as me however is theyre medicated. Its so healthy and i feel so much more secure but im finding myself obsessing unhealthily again, and its making me look for reasons to leave them before they leave me now.
Im going to therapy for this cause I dont want to abandon them, id rather work on it while still seeing them cause running away wont help me grow.
But its so hard cause I dont feel like I can talk about this to them yet as its too early i feel. We’ve been seeing eachother for 4 months so its that weird phase of getting to know someone where I just feel so unstable and fearful of the unknown.
Its eating away at me
Thank you for this video. So many things I needed to hear and also watching this realizing and coming to terms with so many toxic traits i have burden pass relationships with and currently going through again. Thank you for helping in this hard time and thank you for making me realize I am not the only human who deals with obsessive disorder when it comes to love.
I have bpd 23m i hate myself and I like this girl get along with her dad and siblings... but I still self sabotage and look like a dumbass
Thank you ♥️🫶🏽
You have to stay detached and understand that you are regulating them
I did really like my bod ex, but she treated me like crap after the first 2-3 weeks..I think maybe she is more comfortable being with someone who she needs to chase or who is unhealthy so she can get her abandonment she feels she deserves or something idk. My ex wasn’t clingy, more avoidant and just uncaring.
SUPER USEFUL
Glad to hear that
Thank you for this
No problem 😊
Oh, i finally found something i can understand.. 😐
The relationship was all in my mind, 😭
It’s some people who are ruining my life & sabotaging any kind of relationship I develop with others rather it’s romantic, platonic, or professional 🤷🏿♀️ they’re trying to normalize building relationships with people who cross my boundaries by using people that may be hard for me to let go because it’s the very reason why THEY were cut off 🤷🏿♀️ never gonna happen.
They try to hide behind the idea of being this obsessed to somehow help me make it in life like they’re some God appointed stalker 😂😂 but no, nobody would ever care that much to help anyone unless of course they have something to gain from it 🤷🏿♀️ then in that case they really should practice better methods in expressing business proposal🤷🏿♀️
It only makes sense that anyone willing to go through these extreme lengths clearly have a romantic obsession disorder. Only the idea of love is powerful enough to make people do anything for it 🤷🏿♀️ I wish them ease when popping their medication to soothe them back to reality. I feel entitled to express gratitude & just take the flowers from the Down syndrome secret admirers who really don’t know no better 🤷🏿♀️