Answering Your Questions About My Boyfriend & Moving In Together!
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- čas přidán 30. 05. 2024
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I'm Molly, a typical sushi, makeup, and fashion loving millennial girl who just so happens to be blind! I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa at just 4 years old and began public speaking at age 5. I started just doing motivational speaking, but now I make videos and even model! Even though I can’t see, I know that there are bright spots in everything we face. Let’s find them together. 💕
Just FYI, I have bunnies, and they're more high maintenance than a cat. They can't really be left alone overnight, are messy, chew everything, they WILL leave poop around your house even if they're litter trained, and their pee has a bad odor. They're also at risk for GI stasis so you have to keep a close watch to make sure they are eating. They can be great pets for the right person, there are just things to be aware of - don't expect them to be an easy, low maintenance pet basically. Also, it's generally not advised to free roam them with dogs because a dog's instinct is often to kill rabbits - but Elton is obviously an unusually well trained dog and you know him best so of course you can make that call the best yourself.
Hopefully you get upvoted enough for Molly to see this, as I've heard similar from friends of my brother who got rabbits and then returned them because they were too much.
Agree. They're like permanent toddlers. My bun is slowing down now but a few years ago she was obsessed with trying to destroy the carpet.
They really can't be left alone the same way a cat or dog could either and in a lot of cases require a exotic vet!
I agree, also all rabbits are different, but you usually won’t know their personalities until you’re already very invested in them. For instance my boy chews almost nothing, is free range with his 100 pound brother dog, is as lazy as can be…. But that laziness means he literally has a death wish of being stepped on! He will lay under absolutely anyone’s feet and even run and stand in front of someone. When people ask I compare having a rabbit to owning a 6-9 month old puppy forever.
As much as I absolutely love rabbits and even have one myself. I still don’t recommend getting a rabbit, even though elton is exceptionally well trained, Thumping will happen constantly, not to mention stress is a terrible thing for rabbits. Stress can often cause illness for the rabbit. The second problem I worry about is that oftentimes rabbits are very quiet hoppers. I worry that they will get accidentally stepped on 😅
As for the other problems with rabbits that isn’t going to be caused by the environment. While rabbits are absolutely adorable, they can be extremely stinky (oftentimes compared to ferret level stink).
It's also important to note that you can't have just 1 rabbit. They need to be in pairs or groups to thrive as they are extremely social animals. Even if you were to stay home all day everyday the bunny would still be alone at nights ect. Some bunnies can get along with dogs or cats but accidents can happen when you have a prey animal with a predator, and this has happened many many time unfortunately. Many rabbits also tends to literally bolt into peoples legs when they walk (I have nearly stepped on my bunnies countless times)
Came here to chime in on the separate bedroom topic. I think it sounds odd or sad to a lot of people, but I also think it's more common than couples are willing to admit. Different sleep schedules, insomnia, snoring, illness, need for personal space are all valid reasons people might want to sleep separately. Totally should be normalized and maybe even encouraged. My husband and I sleep separately for almost all the reasons mentioned above, but in the morning we crawl into bed together and drink coffee and chat and watch the news. Totally loving and cozy with the best possible sleep.
My fiancé and I have separate bedrooms for when we need our space, one of us isn’t feeling well, etc. but we also sleep in one of the two bedrooms together often with our Frenchies (Hendrix and Kaia).
And then you could like pretend it's a sleepover once in a while ❤
My parents slept in different bedrooms and married 50 years ❤❤❤
I was raised where yeah you could look at it that way because there's plenty of times where couples slept in two different beds to two single beds in a room and that's how they slept together but on this thing about negotiating on how many nights should we sleep together sleep apart or whatever I get there's different sleeping schedules I get people have problems but you don't need to negotiate that that's the other thing I was taught that if you're tired go to bed that doesn't not need to be negotiated play the play out how it plays out you tell your partner I'm tired I'm going to bed they should be able to say okay and go to bed and they'll become when they want you're not tired yet they don't need to go to bed I've been doing it this way for 12 years now I've been with my partner I just want a very odd that people need to negotiate on deciding when to go to bed together or if not at all and sleep separate. Everyone has different sleep schedules different reasons why they might need to sleep apart that all comes to play too but it just still find it odd that y'all need to negotiate that you shouldn't you're your own person he's his even though you're together that doesn't need any sleep schedule does not need to be negotiated do you still want to sleep together every single night then go to bed together every single night but it doesn't need to be negotiated and who goes to bed first or not
It really is very common and it isn't weird at all!
200% yes to normalizing having your own rooms/beds as an option for cohabitating partners! It's a privilege to even have enough space to do that, so I'm thrilled y'all can deck out your own "vibe spaces" lol!
I’m so glad you mentioned separate bedrooms. We get judged a lot. Yet, we’ve been together 10 years and never fight. We have tough conversations a few times a year but we have fewer things to disagree on. Lots of deaths in our lives, health challenges (I’m disabled and full-time ill), loss of jobs, and other challenges, and we can laugh through it all I think because of the difference having separate bedrooms lends. Gives us planned alone time as we are both independent people. Also, having a safe word for difficult conversations is helpful. It helps bring up all the conversations we had in the past about our expectations without having to say, “remember what we talked about.” Now we just say “foxtrot” and then it puts us in a right headspace as to where one of us is. Plus, every morning I’m excited to see him! He’s the best!! Gives me butterflies. Also, I’m on full-time oxygen so he doesn’t have to listen to my Darth Vader machine.
100%, my partner and I have separate bedrooms and he’s struggling to adjust to the idea of it but I am so much happier and I think he will be in the long run too. This totally needs to be more normalised!
Yeah i can snore if im laying on my back, i get having separate rooms😅.
31 years of marriage; sleeping mostly separately for the last 15 or so. I’m a terrible sleeper. I thrash *and* talk. I’m often up in the night. It’s better for everyone this way.
Married 12 years on Wednesday, been together 14, and it's seperate sleeping spaces for us too! Love each other more than ever and wish we could share a bed but we both want/need sleep esp with 4 kiddos to be sane for, its so much better this way!
my Darth Vader machine😂😂😂 that is hilarious!😂
As someone who has owned multiple rabbits, and grew up in a home full of pets, they are the most high maintenance pet I have ever had. So much constant clean up and feeding - they CANNOT go without food so you need to constantly be monitoring. They can be very sensitive to changing situations, and free roam doesn’t work often because (while they can be potty trained) it’s not perfect so there are poops about, they chew furniture/carpets/door frames/wires, and often end up under foot and are so delicate that they can be injured by stepping on.
I've been married for almost 9 years and that is some SOLID advice about living with a partner. Also we don't have an extra bed, but our couch is literally one of the comfiest things and it is not uncommon for one of us to sleep on the couch haha. We sleep in the same bed most of the time, but sometimes the couch just speaks to us. 🤣
i would be careful about getting a rabbit and letting it be free roam. i'm sighted and my little guy is free roam and i almost step/trip on him near daily because he's like a little ninja 😭
oh no, now im just imagining Molly falling flat on her face over a fluffy little bunny 😵. to be fair, cats can also be that way though and shes managed with Lavender so far!
Bunnies should certainly not kept alone - a minimum of two is required for them!
I think living with a partner before moving onto next steps is the way to go! My partner started talking about proposing pretty early on, and my response was "You need to wait until we live together before you propose" and we moved in together in 2021 and it worked out SO well! He proposed a year and a half after we moved in together, and now we're getting married in July 🥰
9:00 Bunnies are amazing, but they WILL CHEW ANYTHING! Cord protectors are essential, baseboard guards as well. I’ve found mine doesn’t like it when I accidentally kick his booty. Cat litter boxes are better than the ones that say they are made for bunnies!
Rabbits are surprisingly hard to take care of, they chew on everything, get underfoot a lot, and hide health issues VERY well until the situation is dire. Add on top of it that the are considered an exotic animal, so finding vets is tough. I have a cat and I've grown up with rabbits- they're surprisingly similar, but the rabbits tend to be higher maintenance imo because they somehow end up in even more trouble and they're more fragile
Based on everything I've read, rabbits, tortoises, and turtles, and other wildlife like reptiles, seem super hard to care for with their specific environments...I don't know about my specific area, but I think I'd have to travel to find an exotic animal vet. It would be fun, but I've heard it's expensive to keep quite a bit of veggies available for the rabbits and such.
I am so impressed by your thoughts, questions & discussions about reality of living together. I'd bet 1% of couples do this
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back
Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being
Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.
It takes time but sooner or later you go through the grief and accept that a new chapter in your life is beginning. Putting my pain into poems helped me for a while, but then I worked hard on finding new things to do and spending a lot of time with my friends, which helped me to move on. Self-care was also an important part, I got a new haircut just to establish a new chapter and a new me. Hope some of this helps. You will get through this, friend❤
Your communication sounds great and what an excellent place to start together. 34 years ago I moved in my boyfriend after we graduated university. I am a nurse and sometimes worked night shifts and 12 hour shifts. We did have a two bedroom apartment and I would sleep in the other room if he was asleep when I got home. 20 June will be our 32nd wedding anniversary. I wish you both much happiness!
My husband & I ended up with an extra bed and it's been extremely helpful for dealing with illness. two beds are such a good thing if you're in the position to have it :)
My fiancé and I have two bedrooms with beds and it is so helpful if one of us is feeling under the weather. I totally and completely agree! 🫶🏽
You are always beautiful but I feel like lately you are absolutely glowing Molly. Not sure what is different your hair? New make up? New camera? Happiness radiating from within? Whatever it is you are freaking stunningly beautiful ❤❤
Right?? I noticed that too
I come from a long line of having our own bedrooms/beds. Grandparents, parents, me and my partner, my sibling and their partner. Sleep is so important for our health, happiness, and relationship.
As someone who has lived with cats almost as along as with humans, I was concerned about Lavender. IMO the best choice for Lavender was made. Without disturbing personal spaces, I would love to see images of that shoe storage bench unit, lighting and other items in the new (to Molly) place. BTW I do agree with living together before any other formalities or paperwork is attempted. Congrats to all on this next step!
On the bunny topic, they're VERY delicate and high maintenance in all sense of the words. Emotionally, physically, mentally. They are FULL TIME animals. They do less well with travel and change than cats, and honestly most cats do okay with moving (once or twice) too, although they still take time to adjust. If you are out of the house a lot and cannot guarantee someone is home with bunny 90% of the time, then it would be in bunnies best interest to live in a home where it's human caretakers are more stable in terms of permanent address. Also, it's important to consider the other animal residents in the home with the rabbit, even more important to ask if a bunny is right for you with larger/predatorial pets in the home (dogs/cats).
Molly, I totally and completely agree with you that living with your boyfriend is such an important step in the dating process to figure out if you are able to live well together before considering taking other steps in your relationship together. 💞 My fiancé and I have lived together for the past eight years and it is so wonderful to be able to spend so much time with my best friend/soulmate/the love of my life along with our furbabies Hendrix and Kaia. 🥰
Thank you so much for talking about the separate bedrooms! My husband and I have slept in separate beds for about 5 years now of our 10 year marriage, and have been judged heavily because of it. For us, it has made our relationship so much stronger, and we both now actually get the sleep we need! Plus when we do sleep together on days off, it makes it feel that much more special ❤😊
I’m a Be My Eyes volunteer. I hardly ever get calls, to be honest. We’re ready and waiting!
I'm a volunteer too! I've gotten 2 calls
The most important thing is that you are happy, and happy Molly shines so brightly ❤️
Gotta say my parents started to sleep separately when I finally moved out. My mom has insomnia and my dad wakes up early. So you can see the issue. In the past 4 years they’ve been HAPPIER because they both were able to get a restful nights sleep!
The communication part was just so good, all those things mentioned was just so important, how well thought out you are coming into the next phase of your relationship and it was just such a realistic mature mindset, just really impressive and useful for others to hear and examples of questions and conversations to have.
I love that you are modeling having tough and important conversations BEFORE you made this move, and I know that you'll continue to have ongoing communications. Relationships take work - we can't expect things to just magically be perfect, or for our partners to read our mind.
So excited for you!! 🩵
I have lots of animals, chickens ducks cats dogs goats and rabbits. Of all of the animals the rabbits are the highest maintenance. They each need to be held, like in the arms held for 30-45 mins minimum everyday otherwise they get stressed and stop eating and drinking. They need their water changed 5 times a day because if even like one hair gets In the bowl they won’t drink. And they are so messy, they are litter box trained and have a huge play pen that they live in and it is clean for about 3 mins before they rip up everything again. I love them, they are adorable furballs, but the amount of attention they need is impressive for such a small little guys.
Good luck with the move!! ❤
I love your whole look! Especially the pearl headband and hair!😍
Girl the LIGHTING in this video... you look amazing! So well light. Damn
So happy for you Molly! I wish yall the absolute best :)
Omg you answered my question❤❤❤❤ I’m blushing!
For those who want to wait to move in until marriage for religious, personal, logistical reasons, ect… my husband and I didn’t live with each other before marriage for religious reasons and it worked out great for us. We also dated for four years before then and had a year of couples counseling before getting engaged, so we were IN it together! Communication is definitely key!
Even blind people hate boob lights, lol!😅Happy nesting!!!
Thank you so much for answering the questions you're so lucky to be moving in with someone you're so happy with and I can't wait to see videos with all of you❤
You are so wise. I wish you all the best. Be blessed
Congratulations on the new place and changes in your life.Sounds great!
Love this bunches 💞
I just have to say YOUR OUTFIT IS SOOOO GOOD!!
Married 16 years and my husband and I have our own rooms and bathrooms. Makes for less fights and more sleep.
I’m really glad you have things figured out so well!
Also, I asked about your cat!
This is so wonderful I really love hearing how you guys are addressing all of the adulting stuff I really want to take all of this into my next relationship.
I’m loving that these conversations are happening more in society around sleeping separately on occasion with out it symbolising the death of a relationship ☺️ I’m also a very light sleeper and toss and turn and really struggle to get enough sleep so thank you for showing a little of how to have these conversations!
Thank you for sharing all of the questions you talked about before moving in together. ❤️
Molly had fantastic advice throughout this video. In particular, I thought her advice about moving in together in general (emphasizing communication and clarifying expectations) and then about division of chores was really on point.
In regards to dividing chores, I think it also helps to pay attention to and respect if either of you have chores that you just really hate doing. For example, I hate cooking and dislike doing dishes. I am very fortunate that my partner loves to cook and is ambivalent about dishes. So, he does those chores. On the flip side, he really dislikes laundry, and I don't mind it, so I do all our laundry. And we've divided the other household chores in a similar way, based on who likes or dislikes doing each thing. So if you absolutely hate doing a certain chore around the house, make sure to communicate that! Maybe you'll find your partner doesn't mind it and is happy to do that chore so that you don't have to regularly do something you dislike.
I am looking forward to seeing both of you guys cook together ❤️ 😀
Obsessed with your hair Molly 😍
I really love your way of thinking, analyzing and discussing topics, no matter what the theme is! It always feels like sitting down and having a conversation with your bestie ❤️ Thank you for being so open, kind and for creating a safe space on the internet 🥰
Congrats ❤
I have 3 free roam bunnies they are alot of work at times but they can be so loving and cuddly.
really cool having each own room but a room u share
Molly, you look absolutley stunning in this video!!! that shirt looks great on you!
Your hair looks amazing! Love the headband and everything 👩🍳😘
All of your videos are amazing
This video has helped me see more povs about moving in together and how relationships aren’t perfect💖 my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and he wants to live together eventually and so do I, I’m also a firm believer in living together before you live together 💖🫶🏼 I’ve been more apprehensive about moving out because I’ve never lived anywhere outside of my family, but recently I’ve become more comfortable with the thought of living together within maybe the next year💖
This is a little late, but I forgot to comment it the first time I saw it- I am loving your hair!!
I'm so out the loop, hadn't watched for a bit. Feels like yesterday you moved into your renovated condo! Glad life seems good for you :)
i just wanna say, your outfit looks so chic today!
My bf and I both have seperate bedrooms! I hate sleeping in bed with someone. Every movement wakes me up, or keeps me awake. I'm so glad to hear someone with a big following does it too, so i don't feel weird!
I’m loving your hair, it looks so cute. Wishing you well on your move ❤
I’m always inspired by your knowledge and your incredible communication skills. Had I know to ask all those questions you posed when moving in with my partner, the transition would have been much more smooth but we were young 😅. Wishing you two all the best!
Do you have any friends that will be close to you at your new spot? Who is going to be help film your videos? I am so excited for you!! This will be a great experience for you! Wishing you guys the best!! Love you Molly ❤
I audibly gasped when I read the notification I got for this video! 😂
i know it's a long way off, but if and when you do get a bunny, be sure you get a pair of bunnies! they're social animals and need a bunny buddy :3
Sometimes they dont get along and things get really bad when you have two of them as well
My husband and I have been together for 20 years . We are now in a house with a spare room and it’s a game changer ! Having space is healthy ! If one of us is extra tired, on a weird shift or just feels like having a bed to ourselves - we use the spare room.
Also , when we do share a bed , it makes us appreciate each other a bit more :)
Omg love this video and I totally agree with you on moving in with someone first
Statistically there is a higher rate of divorce if you get married if you have lived with them first. It's a statistic not an opinion
@personincognito3989 living separately before marriage is very much associated with being (strictly) religious, which is also associated with being either fully against divorce or at least much more opposed to it unless it's for more extreme relationship problems
Omg thanks Molly for answering my question. ❤
I didn't even know onm was a thing. What a great helpful thing to have
I think it's good to keep lavender with the human who bonds the most, your dad/mom. But a 4-year old cat can move out perfectly fine. Yes they're getting older but not that old, and after a few days of stress they will be okay as long as their favourite human is there and their usual stuff.
Not to criticize your choice, but to inform some people because someone might think they would need to always keep their cat in the same place even though they want to move.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We've talked about moving in together. Thank you for bringing up the adult conversations to have before moving in. I'm definitely going to have those conversations!
I just got a bunny in April, and he's amazing. I had him free roam (we lost our house to a tornado on May 21) but I love him. I never through I'd have a bunny, and I didn't know how it'd go with my two cats, and it's amazing.
That’s so adorable how much Lavender and your parents have bonded 🥰 My cat loves when my parents come to visit. I think kitties naturally love their grandparents 😍
Thank you for sharing
Whenever my husband or I are sick we sleep in the guest room and it can be really nice for a short time! We don’t have our own rooms though per say 😅
When I first moved in with my partner, we also had separate bedrooms and bathrooms. We were very lucky we could have that, and it made transitioning into living together much easier. On the weekends, we would "stay over" in each others rooms haha. During that time, I just loved having my own cozy room with all my favorite things
I love having my own room!! My bf and i have our own space and we still love each other and show each other love. He likes the tv loud and i enjoy silence 🔕
I love the idea of having two bedrooms one for each of you. It is also good if, one person is snoring say because of allergies or whatever, and the other one can go sleep in the other bed.
Now that you mention bunnies it is all I can think about I love caring for bunnies at my local shelter!! they are a good bit of work, but totally worth it. They are prone to ridiculous health scares though so be warned.
Being realistic about adult relationships is key! You dont know , till you do.
My grandparents slept in separate rooms my grandpa snored and my grandma said if she didn't move to another bedroom she was going to smother him lol
Love how you talk about discussing what works for you as a couple re: co-habitating (eg sleeping separately sometimes, division of chores etc). On that note, of what works for different couples... for some people getting married is something they may do and never live together. So while I agree I would want to live together before marrying someone, for others they might not ever need to co-habitate but may want to legally marry. Different relationships work differently.
So as a fellow blind person one rather serious criticism i'm going to offer is about having SquareSpace as a sponsor. I'm going to start by saying now i have a SquareSpace site myself for my daily business and will be launching another soon with some partners around a project we will be launching. I'll be honest though i understand getting the pay from them and all, but they are simply not blind friendly at all interms of accessability. I had to pay someone to help set mine up. It was a logistics nightmare to say the least. I tried it on both a Windows and MAC based system and it was just simply not doable. I don't know i guess it feels a bit hypocritical to promote a company with such little care about the community you are representing. But... I'm also open to discussion on this. I could be completely wrong and just missing something critical here with the interface. Or could be overthinking this a bit. But one thing i have always told my clients is never bring on sponsors or partners who do not stand by and represent the values you stand by. Like i said i'm open to discussion though. If it was me i would not be promoting a brand that is not blind friendly. But you do you. Keep doing what you do girl. You've actually inspired me to launch a project of my own this year around blindness as well, but i'm going a really different direction with mine. Keep it going strong
Good luck with your move
Love the pearl hair band 💜👍🏻
I can see why you would leave lavender in Canada. I have a cat too, and they don’t typically like change. It sounds like lavender is about the same age as my cat Rachel.
With all the prep you guys are doing up front, what could possibly go wrong down the line? I know, I know, anything can happen but I bet you two make it work. Good luck to you and your man, Molly.
My husband and I are like you guys, especially with the sleep situation. I personally like 24-7 sleeping together, but he feels the way you do. I've gotten used to it and am starting to understand it better now, 11-yrs later. He disappears into the guest restroom when sick, if I'm sick, if I'm snoring (mucous buildup, not really snoring lol). It is what it is.
Thank you for sharing! How did you two meet? Is he the same age as you?
You are so mature right now Molly, I love love love so so much the communications tips I am writing them down to work with my partner whom I live with 3 years ago 😂
Well done
I completely agree with separate bedrooms.
Molly, my partner and I also have a covid cat. Super high need is true! Which can be tiresome for someone working from home like me, but I'd not exchange the special bond for anything
I’ve never heard them called boob lights before and now I can’t get the image out of my head 🤭🤣
One other thing to think abot is that if you or your partner has a dissabillity that makes them get tired easier or make them be bed bound for part of the day (or even over multiple days), it doesn´t mean they can´t do things BUT on those days 20% of what you can handle can be their 100%. There are still things you can do from your bed if you have the energy to do it (like making a grocery list or even folding some of the laundery). As she said:the most "inportant thing is comunication AND expectations", you are never going to be good att at all the same things use the t to your advantage and thrive in the thengs you csn do or you know your partner hates doing but you can and you don´t hate it.
Staring at the light by my front door, "OMG she's right it does look like a boob"
I'm with you on the bedroom thing I think It's very healthy to each have your own sleep space more so for light sleepers or differing sleep schedules
Yes to seperate beds! Honestly its great imo.
If you do decide in the future to adopt a rabbit, please do lots of research before hand. As a bun mom, rabbits are wonderful pets. They're so fun! I love my little dude so much, but I was surprised at the incredible amount of work he is. They are messy as hell. Hay will be all over your house and as a result, it will inevitably ruin your vacuum. Plus, hay is a very common allergen and is 80% of their diet so there's no getting away from it. (again, speaking from experience, my immune system is in constant uproar because of it). Even though they can be litter trained, there can definitely be plenty of poops outside of the box. They need lots of attention either from there person or a bun friend (and bonding two buns is hard as heck (speaking from experience))! Plus, they are extremely destructive. They can and will chew your walls, cords, furniture, etc. So please make sure to do tons of research before deciding to bring a little one home!
When you were talking about lavender I got an ad for cat food lol.
My husband and I have a three bedroom, 2 bathroom home. A bedroom with a bathroom, then an art room and game room with a shared bathroom. It's the perfect amount of space for my husband and me to have alone time while also being near each other and interact.
Will you be able to show your new space or does he want to keep it private? 😊