Adult with Autism | Signs of Undiagnosed Autism in Adults Part 1 | 31
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- čas přidán 9. 07. 2024
- This won't apply to all undiagnosed adults, but instead of doing the typical 'Signs of Autism' video, I wanted to talk to people who may be similar to myself who may have a curiosity about whether they may or may not have Autism by using lifestyle examples.
0:00 Intro
2:15 Lost Friends
4:48 Relationships
9:07 Work
12:46 Life Difficulty
18:28 Everyday Task Annoyance
22:03 Unconscious Routines
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Sounds indeed awfully familiar. I think that one of the strongest clue of undiagnosed ASD is the feeling of being outsider and not belonging to the world. I feel that most people with autism share the same experience of feeling like being in a wrong world and the feeling starts in childhood and continues through the whole life.
Great video!
Many thanks 👍🏻
I've had wrong planet syndrome all my life. The first time I recall having the feeling of hearing someone I recognized as being from my home planet, so to speak, was when I heard Temple Grandin on the radio. She articulated things about the way she navigated and experienced the world that I had just taken for granted, that I didn't even know it was particularly different. I hadn't even known why I felt like such an alien, but here was this other person who was telling me why I felt that way. That was 20 years ago, and that was the first time I realized after all the therapy, all the difficulties I had in relationships, in school, accomplishing certain tasks, that there was a very high likelihood that the issue all along had been that I'm autistic. Everything I've learned since has done nothing but confirm that.
@kimberleyedwards833 it feels so good when you have that relatable feeling 👍🏻
I spent the most part of my life running away from everyone and everywhere because I never felt wanted. I always felt like I’m “not from this Earth”.
All of it most of the time ❤
I clashed with
management and lost jobs repeatedly. Could never pander to their insecurities or tolerate bullying or bullshit. Ended up being self-employed
Sounds similar to me. I know the rules in the workplace but not everybody sticks to the rules. They take advantage of you and bend what you say. People can be mean but things are definitely changing for the better with ASD and acceptance in the workplace.
I'm still employed by ASDA though. The managers who was bullies either left because of the bad reputation among colleagues or was sacked. You can bully people, but then you have to live with the consequences of you actions.
I’ve got a little group of bully’s in my block, it’s been nipped in the bud but it slayed me for 2 months just gone. I couldn’t vibe with them once I’d seen all of them. No Thankyou.
@@micheals1992Never saw anyone facing consequences for bullying
I have had trouble in employment also. I now do volunteer work because of my age but the manager hasn't guaranteed she will keep me on. I have been sacked from previous volunteer positions also.
OMG can so relate! For one thing I've been cutting my own hair for years! I can't bring !myself to go to hairdressers! Can't stand making small talk, find it exhausting. So many things!
I have a very strict grocery routine. I leave very early to encounter as few people as possible. If I accidentally sleep too late past the time I wanted to leave, no groceries that day. Try again tomorrow, lol! I go to the same store and I know where everything is, so I order the items on my list the way I go through the store. Get in, get in done, and get out. It's all about efficiency and avoiding people. ^_^
About making appointments, I've had things sit on my to-do lists for months (and longer...) because I couldn't deal with the interaction required to get them done. Eventually I do get them done, because I get tired of seeing them on my to-do list, but it can take an embarrassingly long time.
Haha, I'm the same with shopping. Same shops for familiarity...and it really annoys me when they change the layout! If they run out of something, then I don't go back the next day...it has to wait until my usual return trip!
This is so relatable . I liked it when I could shop at 3 am but now the store closes at midnight , 10 Pm to 12 am there are still too many people and not enough time to read all the labels. ..
I'm no stunner
sounds like my fella!
I do that too!!!😮
Age 72 female Aspie.
29 jobs.
25 addresses.
In my lifetime.
I've not counted up my jobs or addresses, but there is certainly a lot more than the average.
you actually able to keep count of all the jobs, amazing. many residences, many jobs....know it well.
sounds familiar. many more addresses than average here.
haven’t counted all addresses but for addresses it is more than 25 by near to the half century mark.
mother responsible for much of the moving in the early years, after that it has been me.
as for jobs, held onto core ones forever, very steady and consistently, whatever it took for stability though had side jobs changing frequently. it has been very hard to get new work; not great with interviews.
your list made was impressive.
It's not so much about the number of jobs. It's about the ADHD tolerance span.
First three months: I'm a manic cult member.
Second quarter: real life and other interests catch up.
Third quarter: I've lost concentration and I'm not showing up mentally, because my role seems pointless.
Fourth Quarter: other people are noticing my behavior. And frankly, everyone else is irritating because I can hear their mouth-noises.
So it's 18 month maximum employment, and then about 9 months before I can capture another gig.
Is that all? 😉
This video really speaks to me. I'm 35, female, and finally after 2 years of regular therapy and an ADHD diagnosis, I'm finally coming to terms with my Autism. Last week I told my doctor that I have a strong gut feeling that it is.
My life has been difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Thanks to my superhuman making, nobody noticed that I was isolated, depressed, not functioning. I grew up in a sheltered, religious family that didn't know about mental health disorders. I'm just lazy, shy, a daydreamer. Gullible. Stupid. Now, I think back to every time someone said, "you're so artistic!" as them having really meant, "you're so autistic!"
Now I realize I've had many abusive relationships & friendships, and those are few and far between in my life already. My mental health became a topic of interest after the most recent abusive relationship ended, and all my new friends are fellow neurodivergents. I made a particular friend that was already diagnosed Autistic and she said that I was 100% on the spectrum.
So here we go. I said to my doctor that I don't know if pursuing a diagnosis would be beneficial. She said "but you're so high functioning". Yeah, I was. Until I wasn't. But there's very little actual support for midlife diagnosis Autists like us. You get a diagnosis and probably a prescription....now what....
Your post hit me. I can relate to so much of that. I wish I could find that friend group like you did. Lemon difficult, I like that.
Thank you for sharing, and your story is a familiar one. Just a shame that it is familiar 👍🏻
I hear you, thank you for sharing. 🩵
There’s no drugs to treat autism.
You can treat anxiety and ocd but those are comorbidities.
You need to clean your mouth even if you have no teeth. inflammation in the mouth is very dangerous. My sister in law nearly died because of it, had to stay in hospital for two months. Because the bacteria in the mouth goes through the wound into the blood and to the heart and damages your heart.
So please everybody, do clean your teeth and mouth.
But if you only understood the difficulty of getting the task done, you would get that he has to forcefully make himself get this simple task done. We aren't stupid, but we struggle with simpler tasks for our reasons, based on the individual who is also autistic.
For me, i got fired for being too ambitious and yet not consistently doing "simpler" tasks like emailing. Uhggggg email 😢
@@wwJd703love I know a lot about struggling to do very simple tasks, I have to fight it every day. But some tasks are more important, and usually when I know that something is very important, I’m able to do it. And often I’m exhausted afterwards. I’m not able to work anymore, too tired all the time.
I joined the same club as a woman at 51 yrs old and I can't believe the epiphanies I have now . Everything makes sense now . I still can't get over it, I check every single box on the classic autism and then some
It is a strange feeling! I remember when I was first diagnosed, other people actually resonated with Autism in me more than I did. When I learned more about it, everything I did was around the management of myself to reduce Autism burnouts.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you, for me it was too late, I've passed it and climbed out of it but 27 years of agoraphobia was the result. I now finally figured out why I get the panic attacks. It's sensory overload, since I did not know where to look before the diagnosis I now do and am able to control it better
That's definitely the good point of the diagnosis. Giving the answer so you can manage the rough times better, and try to avoid. Like my shopping routine for example, only shop late and only shop midweek. Otherwise a simple task of getting bread and milk wipes me put, and every burnout takes longer to recover from.
@@AdultwithAutism I live in The Netherlands which is a lot less car dependent , but America would be a nightmare for me. There are so many obstacles that I've overcome but now understanding them makes it a lot easier , and in fact , now I think I'm not crazy anymore or this unique weirdo , so that is a win
I understand. My diagnosis helped me feel less confused about myself and lack of fitting in. Love the Netherlands.
I would rather not be bullied either, haven’t learned how to fit anywhere really. Amazing content. Thank you
Thank you 👍🏻
Much respect for you
My Aspie daughter can manage her office to the last detail!
But in her personal life, my Aspie daughter struggles with getting the cleaning and laundry done.
Does Instacart for groceries pick up because she doesn't have to go in the store.
Would never neglect her cat's health. She usually spends thousands of $$$$ a year on her cat's welfare ....but, ....will let her own health go for years until it is a crisis.
My animals have insurance, I don't, so I know the feeling.
I am 69 and after spending my life not fitting in and feeling, don't belong, I was so glad to see your video. After suspecting for a while I was autistic I ticked most of your boxes. It's helped me understand and accept myself more.
Spot on Paul. I desperately want my teeth and toenails gone. The cooking thing and routine and relationships. When people say “Can’t you just” you know THEY are NOT autistic 🤣
Haha, forgot about cutting nails! How I hate that task. Especially my toes, but think that's because I'm overweight so it's tougher to get there 😂
The worse part about toenails is that its impossible for me to get my face close enough to fully see what i'm doing. So I always feel like i'm going in partially blind and just pray I don't nip off the corner of my toe. Or if you don't get it right and start snagging the sheets...
Haha, I get that. I just have to hope for the best half the time 😂
Yeeeeeees😊😊😊😊😊
@turtleanton6539 😁
My very first memory of displaying autism, when I would feel overwhelmed, I would freeze and flap my hands like a humming bird to release the stress. I got so many hidings for doing it. My farther told me he will beat it out of me not to embarrasse him like that. That's when I learned fast that pretense(masked) is to protect myself from punishment. Well, not always. I got beaten for not understanding math. I got beaten for not being fast enough. Long long list why I received abuse ..
I now live a complete isolated life for 14years now. At least I have only my loneliness to deal with. 🙂
I'm sorry 😞
I send you caring from my heart and mind. I hope one day we will find our true home.
I grind my teeth and I also got beat for bein too fidgety and not knowing math…
Sorry to hear that, terrible.
Remember you're not alone!Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’ Look! All those getting enraged against you will be put to shame and humiliated. Those who fight with you will be brought to nothing and perish. You will search for men who struggle with you, but you will not find them; The men at war with you will become as something nonexistent, as nothing at all.For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, The One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I will help you.’🙏🏽 🌹Isaiah 41:10-13 🌹
God is with you Always 🙏🏽
I'm undiagnosed, and the number of times I thought "Me too!" while listening to your video convinces me even further that I should get diagnosed at SOME point.
Having jeans on and no socks happened to me for some reason and I couldn't even begin to describe, why it is SO uncomfortable.
When I'm about to finish a meal, I always have a little bit of everything on my plate so I can decide which aftertaste I want to end it with.
I absolutely hate phone calls, and appointments (got an anxiety attack making one recently), as well as I, hate to cook and take a shower. I still do these things because I know I have to but I never got to like doing them.
Thank you for this video!
No worries at all! It's good it's helpful, really is. If it helps tick a few more boxes to assist then I'm glad it's there.
I have noticed that most of your videos include right and wrong good and bad moral and immoral❤
Thank you so much for your effort to help people like me
As much as I only share my opinion on most things, justifying with right and wrong helps me keep it on track...I hope! 👍🏻
No problem 👍🏻
I was so glad when lockdown and shielding came along. I started learning Blender 3D for 14 hours a day and building myself a home sound production studio. I live by myself. I was cool!
Sounds good! And the perfect time to immerse yourself in a hobby 👍🏼
This hit me so hard...im just recently at 46 realizing that my struggles could be Autism.
If you're coming to that realisation, I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful journey 👍🏻
100%.
Things like brushing teeth, showering etc are annoying to have to do.
This guy nails it in terms of daily experiences.
I include things like not having many friends, not yearning to mix and mingle with others, not being a sport fanatic. Formerly had anxiety issues prior to meditation. List seems endless.
I can't remember how I ended up here or how the algorythms were «thinking» your channel could interest me, but HERE I AM! And VERY happy for finding you! I'm 72 and for quite a number of years, I have occasionally suspected I am autistic, at least to some degree. I have not been diagnozed, for a number of reasons, but I will include it on my ToDo List! And your honesty, your smile, your sincerity and candor and your voice AND accent: I'm charmed! Thank you for sharing your realities with us.
(My first language is French, hence the possibly awkward way I have written this...)
You have not written your comment awkwardly at all!
I was 65 and due to my children and grandkids being diagnosed I realised that all my life I’ve been autistic. At last I understand
Votre Anglais est tres tres bien! Embrace your gift of Autism,you probably have many talents, autistic people usually do. Enjoy your journey of life.🙏
Beautifully said. ❤
Teeth are the SEAT of health in the body. Please keep your teeth !!!!🙏🏻
The wrong kind of bacteria in our mouths can lead to stroke, heart attack, and infections throughout the body including cancer. Having fake teeth screwed into our jawbone INCREASES the likelihood of infection, and removal of 8 or more teeth correlates to an uptick in dementia.
Health is one of my special interests :)
If brushing feels bothersome, oil pulling is an excellent, and perhaps more comfortable way of removing debris, plaque, and bacteria.
Many blessings to you for this channel. Your authenticity feels relaxing to listen to.😊
Thank you, and don't worry...I still have teeth! I just hate cleaning them, and have real trouble with the dentist!
I do the oil pulling thing with pure coconut oil; my gums feel so much healthier ✨
Oh, that's quite shocking information though I'm grateful for it. I didn't have a brace as I should have as my mum asked me if I wanted one and as I've never liked standing out, I said no. That's then caused me to brush them too hard as I wanted them to look as white as possible due to them not being straight so now I have receding gums and I worry about that. 😢
@@beesknees5441This may be a silly question, but what exactly is oil pulling?
@@phoenixxavier9615You put a spoon of the coconut in your mouth & hold it there, when it melts, you pull it back & forth through your teeth for a few minutes, then gargle & spit ✨ it clears debris & moisturises gums 💫✌️😉
After listening to this, I think I may be autistic. I can identify with a lot of what you describe. Not all of it but a lot of it.😮
~ ritakatona - I reckon "thinking that we may have..." is pretty common right?.. especially with so much info available from the Media; I can appreciate ur comment here tho - I feel a lot like u do & also my Father🤔?.. he used to line up his pencils/food on his plate etc & also was 100% self-centred (he died suicide); sorry to be so dismal I'm sure we'll get by ok in life Best Wishes from Italy
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been so ashamed of myself for not being able to handle all of the little hassles of life. I had no idea that these were traits of autism.
Friends are people who except you for who you are, the good and the bad.
Paul. I just sat here nodding, and grinning all through this video. Please continue to do this. So many people now realise they are not odd/ weird, just differently wired up. Thankyou very much.
No worries Graham, glad it got you grinning 👍🏻
Me tooooooo
One of my very best friends suddenly disappeared from my life a couple years ago. No reason, no contact. That shit damaged me irrevocably. Thank you for sharing, i really enjoy hearing other perspectives as i dive into this to figure me out.
I've been an otr o/o truck driver for a decade, and picked up residential trash for 14 years prior. Im going to start writing this year.
Writing is a great way of getting the thoughts out. Strongly encouraged!! 👍🏻
I understand how that would have affected you as a group of friends I'd known since I was 17 dropped me after I stood up for my best friend out of the group. This was before my diagnosis (two years ago at 52). Looking back at some of the horrible things they'd said to me about being on benefits due to my mental health and other things you shouldn't say to a friend, I'm now happier with just the 2 friends I have. I think writing is a brilliant avenue to pursue and I hope you can find out why your friend doesn't want to be there for you even though nothing was explained to me about why they didn't invite me out so even that showed me how unkind they all are.
@@mystifiedmargot1970 I'm glad you're with people who are good for you. My friend's issues, I believe, were my friend's issues. I didn't do anything, who knows, maybe that was the problem. 😏
It looks like I am not the only one who hates shopping - particularly when it is busy. That is why I do it at 7am (opening time roughly) when very few people are there. I get in and out as quick as I can and only get what I need. I do not allow myself to be distracted. I have never been diagnosed as autistic (too expensive) so whether this is a part of autism I wouldn't know.
I think people need to realize different doesn't mean weird.
‘Rather be fake than be bullied ‘. So sad , but I totally relate - if you’re lucky like I was in this , you are near retirement anyway , and can tell them to stick it and start to enjoy being your true self :D
I have Asperger’s, which is now on the autism spectrum. We certainly have behavior in common but we are different in some major ways. Paul, you are very intelligent and very well spoken so I would say you also have Asperger’s. No one would think you had a disability. You are more articulate than average. It may be more difficult for people to believe your struggles with minor everyday things. I can relate to what you say. I have that stuff also. I was always a nerd, often called weird and that was true but I never felt I could do anything about it because that is the way I am. I didn’t find the diagnosis until very late in life. Computers saved my life because they were meant for me! I am a computer genius and had a wonderful career in software development. I worked with other nerds. We all spoke nerd. That made me feel better. Of course management is another kind of animal as you said. You may face more disbelief that you have a disability because you are more intelligent and well spoken than average, as I said before. I think that can annoy some people. I was self employed for many years until I became a corporate girl. Of all things! I can’t believe it myself. I went underground. Learned to dress normally, not to say what I am thinking. We cannot be neurotypical. Do you wish to be accepted for who you really are? I find that is only with other Aspies. I am finding some older people who have it but don’t know they have it. I can spot anyone like me now that I know about it. It is a comfort for both of us to be ourselves. Might be good if you can meet up with Aspies. Of course you have the internet community, which is wonderful. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are but that is hard for us because we make people uncomfortable. Consider dating an Aspie woman. I don’t know if you have. I also have the discomfort you describe so well with the physical aspects. I cannot live with another human and I gave up on that idea a long time ago. You are right about marriage and children and all that but regular people have plenty of difficulties with that. I don’t know what your work situation is now but there are many things you could do and be successful such as tax preparer, financial consultant, life advisor. I think you are terrific! I would also suggest that you find a physical activity that you like- maybe bicycle for pleasure. Nothing too strenuous, to relieve stress that builds up every day. I found that helpful. Wishing you all the best. You are a valuable person with much to give and you are helping people with your web videos.
Very true. I get judged harshly, and solely on 30 minute videos. No one sees my life away from here and how I am in my day to day life. But that demonstrates ignorance on the side of others. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
As an autistic parent married to a probably autistic parent of children. Being autistic doesn’t mean your experience of ASD will mesh well. I hate touch. My daughter likes very firm pressure. I like one audio stimuli at a time I literally have to turn off everything even white noise like fans to have a conversation: daughter likes earbuds or beats on 24/7 with music blaring.
Hello marian do you got instagram or any social media to tell you of my suspicion of asd symptoms.
When I lived in Las Vegas I used to go to the grocery store at around 3 a.m., because I felt better when there were less people around and the store was open 24 hours anyway.
Great content and it’s admirable how you give a nice delivery without all those edits that others do. The results, on other channels, are jumpy and jagged with edits and I don’t like loads of sound effects or stock photography. Nicely done.
Hi Catherine, I struggle with the chopping edits too. Like Hunter Hansens channel, I really like what he talks about and his approach, but the edits, change in sound quality or levels, lighting, etc makes them hard to watch for me. Plus, I always said to myself to keep them as they come out so people could watch my mannerisms as another way of seeing my version of Autism...whatever that is 😂
Thank you 💥🦡🐢
yes.. so steady sensory thankyou 🙏
I've never thought of how I'm dressing, and I had to put the video on pause to think about it. I just realised I'm dressing exactly the same way every day since I was a teenager, and it's the same pattern than you : underpants, socks, pants, top. That's awesome.
I agree with everything u say at the moment in hiding under my blanket cuz life just too much
If that's what's needed at times, then make sure you do it 👍🏻
Wow I relate to so much you said. I really don’t enjoy being around people much either. I haven’t been diagnosed as I just can’t deal with trying to make an appointment with a doctor and talking to them about it. Thank you for sharing your insight. It really helps.
No problem, glad it helped. I hate the appointment process and the docs too so know the feeling.
Watched this and found myself agreeing with a lot of what you said Paul. I was only diagnosed at 42 after a quite a bit of difficulty in life
The getting dressed bit is exactly how i get dressed too lol. Its just the most convenient way. It turns into a routine, same as brushing your teeth, washing your hands or putting on a backpack, tying your shoes or getting in a car, unlocking the front door etc etc...
Thankyou Paul, great video, self diagnosed 25 yo female... As time has gone by all these feelings and things you explain have gotten stronger as I've gotten older, It's exhausting but so liberating to see that there's a reason why we feel why we do & that we can recognise n make adjustments to aid our daily life
Thanks Eloise.
Very true, we have ti make adjustments, as they won't be made for us. It's our responsibility to ourselves to make sure we consider what we can for the best possible outcome
The thing about friends really hit home for me. I have been very sad about it. My older brother was recently diagnosed with autism and he is close to 60 years old. He has always been different and when I heard this I wasn’t surprised .
It's crazy for me to realise how many actual autism quirks I actually have (post recent self-diagnosis), which have also been more severe in the past.. but I guess I manage them better or care less now. I hate daily repetition (or stagnation), yet wear the same duplicate clothing every day (blue wool t-shirt and black shorts/pants/jeans and for past decade now), hate brushing my teeth, hate driving cars and parking - but love motorbike riding, I still dislike phone calls but am improved, I hate haircuts, I dislike small talk, I like one on one with people I know - yet groups of 4+ I tend to disengage and become an observer over contributor, I like friends who I can not see or speak to for a while and when we chat no time has passed, I dislike social media, I dislike being told what to do - especially without context that makes logical sense, I have insomnia for a few weeks every so often or when I get obsessive about something I'm working on.. which done long enough leads to burn out.
Lots of other things and areas that I just don't experience like most people. I'm happy making less decisions (like what to wear or eat) for some things. I chase how things work, and go down rabbit holes to learn all about topics, skills and systems. I learned to like eye contact, however I remember when I hated it with a passion. I hate trivia and bogus factual knowledge.. which to me is meaningless wasted brain space.
I also found that I need precision in communication. Be direct sure, but also be accurate (like many others, understanding what people really mean can be very hard). I found my memory recall and brain just doesn't function as well for fact recall, unless it was first clear and precise when saving it. Otherwise it's like a cloud or unanswered question that my brain doesn't let go of.. chasing an answer to fill the gap.
What I realised more recently however was it was certainly related an anxiety, however it isn't how I experienced it directly. In some ways, I think learning to care less about taking longer or making mistakes (which isn't possible for everything), certainly has helped.
Thanks Paul for sharing. I haven't found a better place for autism content from real people than CZcams. It really helps to understand that others share the same and similar experiences.
Thank you for the kind words, and for sharing 👍🏻
That reminded me. When one company I worked for went out of business they gave away their promotional stuff to the employees. I've got two dozens of the same t-shirts with the company logo. Since then for over ten years I was wearing the same (kind) t-shirt every day at work, which caused a lot of jokes from coworkers.
Blimey.... I relate so much to all of this. My self talk tells me to stop/shut up, because other people don't like it and I'd never get out of bed. But then, there'd be something else, because there are certain things i have to do. Especially for my dog.
I love what you said about work and the chit chat. I wondered if I was being awkward by not joining in but I can see its probably an autistic thing.
Definitely not awkward...chit chat is just not relevant most of the time 👍🏻
Yes, Paul. It's so hurtful as a woman to feel constantly betrayed by friends. It makes me think, am I boring or unworthy? On top of that, others assume you blew it or there is a deficiency in my character. My esteem as a result is rock bottom. Relationships aaaagh. I've given 100%, just to be taken advantage of and always feel I don't make the grade, no matter how hard I try. I'm not great at housekeeping and was a tomboy as a child. I've been criticised for having a messy flat, even though I hate it as well. I used to cry a lot when I worked because I felt excluded and hurt when my peers would go out together and forget me. Management. Aaaagh! They never admit they are wrong, even when I've come up with a great idea. You must be a better pretender than I. As I was not able to keep it up, I was the excluded one. For a woman who is supposed to be the sociable one, all these relationship difficulties are INCREDABLY painful. I get you Paul. I have a cat who shows more empathy than most humans. I admire you Paul because you stuck it and I haven't. I still want to g
That first part of your message is very relatable. Always wanting to please or even just hit average with others, but for it to be twisted and used against you. Not good at all.
I've just become good at making sure I can blend in, but just because I'm better at it, doesn't mean the toll reduces unfortunately 👍🏻
It's unfair. So do you attract mostly bpd types because of your autism? How did your efforts backfire as you say?
every time I watch one of your videos I am amazed at how relatable everything you say is. when it comes to work, ive just passed my theory tests for my hgv licence so I can sit alone in a cab all day and see a few people at the end of the journey, im knackered from being asked by customers about some shitty football match I couldnt give a monkey about or how good/bad the weather is. The phoning and appoitment stuff is bang on the money and when I try to explain it to someone else they look at me like im crazy. Shopping is a big one for me, I used to regularly leave the shop when I was with someone else as when they went it was always busy and I couldnt handle it. Everything in my pockets are in the same place always, and on the rare occasion I buy new clothes I make sure the pockets can accomodate my stuff. plus getting into debt has always baffled me, maybe some reasons are justified but most are just bullshit excuses for poor money management. thanks again for the chilled half hour.
Hi Dan, Funnily enough, I thought of getting my HGV for the same reason. Get paid to be on my own, listen to audio books etc!
Good to know someone relates 👍🏻
I love your videos. And I do SO many of the same things, or similar, as you! I don’t think I realized some of it was autism because I have always done the things the same. I was just recently diagnosed so this helps so much! I’m 44 and just got my diagnosis last week. Your videos are very helpful! Thank you!
Hi Heather, really glad to hear they help...and that I am not on my own! 😂
I need to thank you AGAIN!!!! For your absolute transparency and honesty about everything.
Every point made I have life’s and felt and literally never understood why but rather get upset and annoyed bc I felt broken. Showering feels like an attack. I am someone who is overly sensitive and aware to my own cleanliness, people never assume or say “oh yeah it’s obvious you don’t shower” rather it surprises them if I disclose it being tough for me.
Being fake rather than bullied, yes, same, I have become very isolated due to struggling with masking burn out.
I wish I knew these things when I was younger.
My burn out meltdown after high school was so bad.
At 36 years ago I have learned so much about me these last 5 weeks than I have since I was diagnosed 30 years ago with adhd, and maybe I do have it but it never solely fit. For me that is.
I will try to stop typing here but I am so incredibly thankful for your insight.
You are affecting 4 lives here.
I am mom of three, and in the process of the diagnosing process for my two kids and myself. 🙏
It's nice to hear some of my stuff is helpful, really is. I made the channel to speak openly, as all I want to do is help others. So it's nice to know that it does 👍🏻
I appreciate your story outlining autism is not a simple task. I’ve never thought of my peculiarities as more than eccentric and not a medical diagnosis; it’s possible anyone could identify with you on some topics. I would define myself as a loner forever in search of my life purpose and an understanding of other people in this world who for the most part are on a very different journey than mine. It’s good to hear about struggles and challenges that are a little different than the conformity of the general public. I am constantly learning new ways to improve and cope with difficulties and newest suggestion is to wake up in the morning and say wit heart “I am so grateful for this new day” because every day is a new beginning. Thank you and keep the faith that gives you peace❣️
Hearing this has been very comforting, so thank you. The only emotion your sharing this didn't bring up in me is irritation, and that is really saying something! I have a friend who says I remind him of a hummingbird bc of the way my eyes dart around when I'm thinking. When I look around the house as see all the piddly little tasks it takes to keep a tidy home, I want to disappear into something focused and, usually unrelated to anything productive. Shopping? Pfft! Cooking, with the clean up that comes with that? I'd rather go without eating. The memory of lost friends brings on melancholy, and leaves me thinking I must me a very tedious person to be around. The only thing you spoke of I don't relate to is routine, unconscious or otherwise, my ADD doesn't allow me the comfort of that. On a side note, your beard and hair suit you well. 👌
The irritation is something I am continuing to work on. Constantly trying to quantify it to a bigger picture...as I say though, work in progress! Definitely know what you mean though 👍🏻
I can so relate to what you said about rather not eat because of the mess. Once I've cleaned the kitchen in the morning, I'd rather not eat than create a mess. Eating is hard anyway as I have IBS and so that means i can't eat certain foods. Also even though I can be hungry, I don't feel like eating, either because I might feel a bit sickly at the thought of eating food or I'm just not interested in eating. If I could take a pill instead of having to prepare food, I would.
Just wondering about tips in the UK. Here in the US, servers are only paid $2.21/hour and it’s expected that the customer will tip 10-20% of the cost of the meal to make up the server’s salary. In some restaurants, the servers have to “pool” their tips and divide them equally with the rest of the wait staff at end of shift. Those who hustle, or flirt or just got good tipping customers, have to share with servers who are slackers or those who got cheapskate customers who didn’t tip.
In some cases, the restaurant manager has to report the meal costs and the servers have to pay income tax on a percentage of that cost even if the customers did NOT tip them! I know someone who is Autistic and worked these kinds of jobs and its horrible. If the cook doesn’t get the order right or is slow, the customers take out their frustration on the server by not tipping. The humiliation of working these jobs is terrible.
I don’t know what Uber or other delivery people are paid and whether tips are essential or just a nice gesture. With gasoline prices now, I would think a person who delivers really needs a tip. They are working because they need the money, not just for the joy of knowing you can stay in your nice house in your jammies and slippers.
Hi Nancy, it is VERY VERY different in England. It isn't customary to tip, or share them with others you work with. Some companies won't allow it either. In fact, our Government is so controlling, they expect you to declare it and have it affect your bottom line, so what people give you extra, you lose in your support. The minimum wage between 16 - 23 goes up in increments, but I think it is £9.50 an hour from 1st April for 23+, that isn't a bad wage! Plus, people on minimum wage get topped up with Government aid, discounted bills such as Council Tax etc.
As silly as it sounds, people like me are the hardest hit. You work your backside off to make yourself average and get no help or assistance. Instead, my law-abiding existence in a full-time working role sees me heavily taxed, no reprieves, only for my cost of living to also rise, taxes rise to help support immigration, none working households, low-income families, etc., and I still have to pay full contributions, and my pension age keeps rising and rising.
The line actually stops people progressing up salary chains, stops people wanting promotions, and the main one is stopping people from working from part-time to full-time as they come out with less money overall once they hit thresholds. Plus as minimum wage rises, the gap between minimum and my wage gets ever shortened, yet they can apply for assistance and I can't. I can't even get financial assistance to go alongside my extra cost of living of what I consider 'Autism costs', such as my issue with food, clothing, cleaning items etc that are barriers within themselves.
It isn't that I am just being tight, it's that every penny counts for people like me, who are hit by the same things everyone else is, but there is zero financial support. Absolutely dreading my mortgage renewal as it could put up to £500 a month on top due to the Russian War for some unknown reason. People who rent if they lose work have their rent paid for by the government, I'll be homeless.
Hopefully, that paints a bit of a better picture over here. And people wonder why I hate living in the UK.
Just for general info…minimum wage is $15.00 USD per hour where I live in the USA. I haven’t heard of $2.21 per hour in decades.
@@catherinelevison3310 people who work for tips are legally allowed to be paid under the minimum wage due to the expectation of tips. For example, the current minimum for tipped labor federally (according to the US Department of labor website) is $2.13 as of 1/1/22. For general info.
@@mandyhackman9740 … not where I live, where I live minimum wage is $15.00 per hour. That’s what I wrote before. And, again, where I live the minimum wage hasn’t been as low as $2.21/hr for decades.
Uber eats drivers make shit for money per order. Like 2-3 dollars. So i'm really counting on an extra couple bucks here or there or it's not even worth me delivering food
This feels so familiar. I can’t watch all those diagnosis type videos. I tried a few. I used to work in psychiatry so I’ll never ever ever seek a diagnosis but videos like this one make me feel sane. Thank you. I’m sorry to hear about cooking, though. That’s an extraordinary sensitivity really remarkable in its way. Deep respect. If we were neighbors I’d leave food for anyone with that issue. I can’t help with the haircuts, teeth, work, shower temperature, especially wet hair, phone use, appointments generally, phone calls making appointments specifically, MIA friends. But hacking up meat and vegetables I can do.
I am 64, and was diagnosed 4 years ago. I cried with the relief. It is so hard to meet people, and friends do just vanish. My difficulty is being too loyal and not recognising when it is not reciprocal. I just cannot read people. When I did my degree it was so hard being 'social', that I became non verbal. Also, I found out all my 'friends', would meet up, for dinners at peoples houses and events, and exclude me from them? Never found out why. I am very honest and speak my mind, maybe that doesn't work in the UK with such rigid social rules.
I can relate to what you are saying, even to trying to fit in. Didn’t realise I was autistic until my grandchildren were diagnosed. It made sense to me when explained I could relate to my childhood. Looking back on my life it now makes sense how I felt. In my 60’s I now recognise my quirks. ❤
I love how you are open and explain everything so well and conversationally.
Thank you
well, I wanted to comment actually on every part of this video. I try to hold it to the end because otherwise, I just keep coming back in and editing it out. Yes to all the things, and I really like the way you explain it. also, there is a lot to be said for a big strong man to be saying he experiences the same struggles as this small female has always had. thank you 🌸
Thank you 👍🏻
A friend come round my house and I said excuse the mess. He said "Don`t worry, I`m not allowed a mess.".
I can relate to what you're saying about all the little difficult things in life. I avoid talking on the phone like the plague and a huge hunk of my life has always been reserved for spending time alone. I hate the feeling of water on my skin the first thing in the morning, it feels like some kind of annoying film on my skin. The thing about water on my skin explains why I've never cared much for swimming and don't like the feeling of cold water or any kind of water being stuck to my skin. If my hands are wet, I have to immediately dry them. I eat the same way you do. If I have a 3 course meal, everything gets finished pretty much at the same time and don't mix my food together, it has to be separated..except for things like spaghetti etc that are supposed to be mixed up. And they like to call us eccentric!
Makes sense to me 👍🏻
The phone thing is like playing chess, requiring mental efforts and thinking three steps ahead. Before even dialing I think through a possible scenario, how I start, what's their reply could be, what would I say next. I usually end up with a list of points before making a call.
Hey Paul another amazing topic, well spoken and i throughly enjoy what you say, it is so relevant and i agree with about teeth brushing, and showering. I also agree about food and routines
Hi Gemma, thank you. And glad you enjoyed 😁
Oh wow. Everything. Clashing with management. Cutting my own hair. Rituals for getting dressed or eating food. Thank you for sharing.
NTs seem to have a social velcro in their skin that keeps them bonded even outside of special interests. We don't. We can participate in a group, yet not be part of it in the same way as NTs are. There's an unconscious or unspoken "currency" that they trade to mark reciprocity in the relationship, but we don't have it, so when there's no shared event or common purpose we fall by the wayside for them. We also seem to give off an air of social independence or self-reliance that somehow insulates us from them, as though we have a layer of teflon on us. But we don't know any other way...
Yep. The social side of things certainly doesn't fall into the 'mandatory' category for me.
That description of you getting dressed is so spot on! I do exactly the same, and never thought of it as autistic before now. Just what I felt was common sense and decency 😆. God forbid anyone, or even myself ever catch sight of me in a shirt and no bottoms. And the feeling of my feet with pants on but no socks... can't live like that for more than 60 seconds.
It is the unwritten law of getting dressed. It should be universal, and what brings the human race together!
I am an Aspie. I married an Aspie.
I wanted so much to be able to accept him as he was.
I could not.
4 years in and I was either leaving or going to the psych unit for a stay.
I left.
He got a case manager to help him with managing his life.
We remain friends.
Maturity doesn't have room for enemies 👍🏻
What factors made it so difficult from a woman's perspective?
@@keylanoslokj1806
Mood swings. Totally flipping from intensely romantic to distant and unfeeling.
Inability to set goals for the future.
So focused on his areas of interest that he would stay at work all night and not call me.
Depression.
@@ithacacomments4811 so if an asperger man tried to ameliorate those would life with him be more livable?
@@ithacacomments4811 "Avoidant"
I just discovered your channel and I’m excited about the things you say along with your delivery. I feel like you even act like me, it’s incredible!
Haha, awesome. Really glad you like it 👍🏻
Appreciate this video and your lovely example of accepting and loving yourself as you are and picking your battles ;)
im so grateful for your ability to express so coherently.. i struggle so much getting information out
I'd struggle if I tried! I just open my mouth and let it fall out. It's always the first time I give thoughts a voice. So I'm glad it comes across okay sometimes 👍🏻
I find your real-life vlogging refreshing. This is what CZcams was back in the day. Mellow, informative. People just talked to their computer. These fast-paced, super bright and super edited videos feel cold and disingenuous.
Couldn't agree more! Thank you
Great stuff. The last bite of any sandwich or burger I've ever eaten must be from the center and not from an edge... random new coworkers or friends of my wife (otherwise I don't meet new people) get to slowly notice that my burger keeps spinning around, lol.
Ending on the middle of a burger is a must. It's retained the heat the most, and it's where everything is! Perfect last bite.
Thank you Paul for creating these videos. I just found you a week ago. I find listening to you very comforting for some reason so thank you. I also find it very difficult to just go get a hair trimming/cut. That being said I have to make myself go once a year and have a good amt chopped off. If I need something in between I will do it myself. I just can’t handle the small talk they do when getting a hair cut. It’s just so exhausting and makes me so anxious that I am worrying about it from the moment I make the appointment to when the appt actually is. Also, even as old as I am now, my family just can’t understand that if we have to get together I need to have a good amt of time before hand to prepare and not just a text the day of to get together later that day. So many other thing ring true but I can’t go on and on. So thank you.
I am glad you resonate with the videos 👍🏻
Great video a lot of these points really hit home. In terms of losing friends I have recently felt a shift in my friend group of nearly 15 years and I feel like Im constantly misunderstood & they’ve been distancing themselves from me and I’ve been trying to communicate with them but things never seem in alignment. It’s been frustrating & consuming to think about so great point I feel like it’s a super important discussion to have!
Glad it resonated!
Definitely worth an open and friendly chat to see if it's just you who feels it or if it is just a change in the times!
Thank you for nailing this ❤
Recently something was mentioned to me able possibly having undiagnosed autism which lead me to your video and I check some of these boxes. I hate brushing my teeth unless they feel super weird. I can’t shower unless I’m sweaty or my hair is too greasy. I’ve lost friends over the years just because the relationship fizzles away. I have to do certain things at certain times of the day or I feel wrong. I have to put on clothes in a certain way or it just feels wrong. When I eat I have to eat one thing until it’s all gone and then I’ll go to the next thing until it’s gone, and the cycle continues. I’ve also very much struggled socially since childhood and I’ve also got severe social anxiety. I’m in the process of getting back into therapy so hopefully I can talk to someone about this.
Edit: I’ve also struggled severely with keeping jobs, but I’ve been working through that and have kept this one for the longest amount of time in years, it’s still not long at only 8.5 months but it’s still a lot longer than other jobs that I’ve had since I started working; although I did keep a job for a year and a half but that was a dream job and I didn’t have as much stress then so everything was a lot easier. Even still, the job that I have now is the second longest that I’ve had, right after the one I was at for a year and a half.
A year late to the discussion, but glad I found this presentation (and your channel).
Recognized many of my own experiences by hearing about yours.
It's been _so_ frustrating for years on end, especially in the work arena. I can't fake having commonality with people outside of the fact that we all have roles with an employer and need to cooperate. The drama, politics, cliques, and games is what I try to avoid, and then be misjudged for it.
It's agony.
I just want to survive and be left alone since I genuinely have no desire to impact others' lives in any adverse way, either.
What to do? I just don't feel commonlity with others.
I realized many people don't want to have any consequential conversations of substance unless they want something from you. I've found that most people seem to just want "fairweather" conversations and friendships, otherwise.
I'm now 56 and just can't do it anymore. I'm overwhrlmed and burned out trying to just exist in an environment I don't understand well, am frustrated with, and am not suited to. 😢
Another great one Paul! Yes to most for me especially the seeming ordinary things. Always hard for me to go to the market, mall or Costco by myself. Routines I have tons. Also I don’t care for change much. I like to eat the same things all of the time. An example I just packed my food for a work trip. Just PB&J sandwiches for the entire trip! I also wear pretty much the same thing every day. I have to wear a uniform for work so that is great because it’s the same thing every day😀. Great way you expressed everything in a non clinical way. Very real world!
Hey Bryan, man I love CostCo trips 😂
It's hard to do these types of videos as I don't mind 'signs of' videos, but many are very generic. If I cam apply real world to them, I'll do more.
Hi Paul,I’m glad it’s not just me that has a routine in getting dressed in the morning, I even go a step further and have certain coloured boxer shorts that I wear on particular days,my wife thinks I’m crazy.
Haha. I have socks with logos on the side...if they ended up on the wrong feet, I'd probably trip myself up. We all have something!
Hi Paul! Several of these resonated and a few others were interesting but not a struggle for me personally. That’s ok though since it helps me see how we are all still our own people, right? But dirty dishes in the sink drives me crazy! Hair appointments are HARD. But I love showers since I often sweat from nervous anxiety and I love feeling clean. Thanks for being open, good chat!
Hi Marie, very true. Always interesting to see the other side in some cases! Dirty dishes...hate it. Someone else said cutting their nails, me too. Wish I'd have remembered them for the video 😂
Just love your honesty! I am laughing out loud - recognizing so much of what you say!
Relate to so much of this....losing friends, daily struggles and unconscious routines are spot on. Showering is the bane of my existence, made even worse when I have to shave my legs. It can reduce me to tears just thinking about it.
I have a flip-side to the relationships and work though which I think is the other side of the autistic coin...I was in a relationship for 15 years (inc. 7 years married) and in the same job for 12. Neither were right and I was unhappy for a long time but my fear of change kept me in both. Not that I would change the relationship because it resulted in two gorgeous little boys. 💙💙 but both relationship and work ended only when he cheated and I got made redundant and it was out of my hands. I would never have had the guts to end them myself.
Still awaiting an autism assessment but have been convinced of it for years now.
Glad it had some points that came across! I'm sure the assessment will be worth doing once it gets here too!
Thank you pal, you opened my eyes to why I hate to shower so much. I always thought it was "just" exhausting, but you made me realize that it's more than that.
Since I can remember, coming out of the shower felt highly uncomfortable - a feeling a bit aking to feeling guilty, but it confused me, because there was no reason for guilt. Now I understan it's the temperature thing. The hot and cold and water on my skin - it all makes sense now.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thank you. Glad it helped 👍🏻
I just found you THWNKYOU SO EFFING MUCH LIFE SAVING CHANNEL ❤
Really glad you're here too.
This has been very useful thanks Paul. I do some strange repetitive things when shopping and around the home. Even routine when cycling home is repetitive to the exact point.
I have three out of four adult family members who are Autistic. It makes life very interesting, sometimes stressful but most often exhausting for me to navigate life with these loved ones. My oldest daughter’s autism expresses itself through severe anxiety frequently. Her trusted person to talk her through the anxiety attack. She masks well at work and falls ap 5:50 art after work. My son can’t even establish any friendships or romantic relationships. He is so depressed about this . He is using alcohol to meditate his pain. Despite all these challenges I love them both so much.
This is one of the most best videos about autism that I have saw on CZcams and I got alot of this going on I couldn't tell you how many times I've saw in you in me thanks paul I also subscribe to your channel stay strong
Thanks for the kind words. And glad it went down well with you👍🏻
God bless bro. You seem chill as heck. Pretty sure im on the spectrum somewhere. Been alone my whole life, and deeply analyze all my thoughts. Blessing and a curse. Its good to be a bit different and over time I know learned skill in natural weaknesses will make up for it. You brought up alot of relatable stuff
Thank you...definitely not chill on the inside!
Hey Paul, after watching your vid I felt quite encouraged, actually, so I ended up doing an.. unofficial/official test.. and, despite taking it "easy" while filling it out.. I still scored a handy 39/50 where the [event horizon] "yip, you're over the line, line" is a sturdy 33.. Bingo!!
So, I thought I would say thank you!! Your honesty was the final straw for me mate.. for me to take action and.. as scary as it is.. I'm glad I've moved forward, even just one fair step ✌🏼
Love this video. I totally understand the showering thing and much prefer the winter when I can skip getting all my skin wet. If I have to stay in someone else's house I'll go and hang around in the bathroom every morning with the shower running so they think I've had one.
Getting dressed, I can't wear skirts because of the feeling of the material moving against my legs, or the air moving against them as I walk. As a small child, I once threw myself downstairs to try and get out of going out with my mother when she wanted me to wear a skirt. Also socks have to go on first because it feels too weird to push bare feet through trouser legs.
I was only recently diagnosed as a middle-aged adult and every video I watch makes me realise I'm not such a weird oddball as I thought. Thanks for some great content, Paul.
Definitely not an oddball, I understand your comment more than you know! Apart from my concerns were not skirt related...thankfully! 👍🏻
Thank you! Well expressed. Happy to subscribe. I share many behaviors with you! It is comforting to know that our understanding of humanity does grow.
Welcome 👍🏻
Damn your channel is like medicine for me. Subscribed. Love from Sweden
That made me smile, thank you 👍🏻
Your experience sounds very similar to mine. Certainly the eating pattern that others have pointed out to me lol But lost relationships has been the biggest pain point. It can be pretty lonely when the people who once seemed to appreciate your quirkiness suddenly seem to be deeply annoyed by you without any clear reasoning.
And that feeling can happen overnight it seems...making it even more confusing 👍🏻
I was just diagnosed at age 62 (by a psychologist). This is the first comment I’ve made. I now understand why I’ve done what I’ve done.
Thank you for making your video.
No problem, I hope there is some sense in my videos...somewhere 👍🏻
Undiagnosed person here...There are so many things you said that I can relate to....I get in the bathtub to regulate my body temperature, then I HATE getting out and brushing my hair, etc. I also do the same thing with my food at the end. I save the best item for last, but I usually have a bite of each item just before I finish my plate. 🤯 I'm glad your video popped up in my feed. I'll be sure to watch them all!
Hi Mary. It's shower time for me, even though I've battled the idea for about 2 hours so far already today. I'd save a lot of a time and anxiety if I just got in 😂
Mr PAUL, you are a top fella my mate 👍.
Watching your video has questioned me about myself.
Very eye-opening. 😊
Hope it helped
@AdultwithAutism
Yes, it did, and I'm still questioning myself, Mr Paul.
Take care, my mate.
I am looking at your channel because my husband and possibly my son have asd, but I also recognise a lot of these things in myself, I always just put it down to social anxiety disorder, but maybe not???Or maybe there are crossovers with mental issues, who knows!!! My son is now 26 and I have massive guilt over certain things as I just thought he was being 'difficult' and would get annoyed with him, for things like refusing to eat food above the normal fastidious child, attacking his sister constantly, I recognise that this was anxiety now and it breaks my heart, we didnt have the internet then or any information, and it makes me so sad and guilty that I could have helped him (and my sanity) if I had, only realised husband had it about 4 years ago, just thought he was a bit 'quirky' still have difficulties with talking about emotional stuff, but he has improved a lot and has the kindest heart at the end of the day.............
Greetings from East Texas Piney Woods.. thank you for sharing your autism experience because I just watched your video and sat here nodding, saying yes, absolutely, 100... I got clarification last year finally that I am on the spectrum and I am 67.. I agree it has been a very long, difficult, challenging, and painful life road that I have been down... The autism explains ALL of it.. I am now in the process of trying to reframe my life and being my "authentic self" and it is not easy or simple. Absolutely there is not much "acceptance", so I continue to be very careful and cautious and most people I knew have gone by the wayside (even after 40 years). But I am okay with that, as I have also made the choice to walk away from certain people, places, etc. It is a fine line to walk, but I think it is better for me to know, as opposed to not knowing, about myself. I found out more about myself because I have a 14 year old grandson who is autistic and we have always had a good relationship and understand and accept each other. I only have a couple of people who "accept" me and the older I get the more I kind of withdraw from society, it is too complicated, difficult, draining, and I am burnt out pushing 70. I really appreciate your video. Thank you ❤
Thank you for your kind words. And I am glad you and your grandson have a good connection. It is good when we find someone who 'gets' us, and we feel the same. It is a freeing feeling.
My wife has PTSD, asthma & hypersensitivity; I’m autistic and we’re perfectly compatible because we have the exact same needs. I’m so thankful every day I found my person!
Glad you have your person 👍🏻
grt expose thnx brother luv your wordage and humor and how you get on with it.
Thanks Eric 👍🏻
Not the odd one out. I like this list. It's definitely neuro-divergent. The more unprofessional accounts I hear, the more I think I might actually be autistic. And if anyone new my life story, it would be a sad account of why things happened the way they did.
👍🏻
Thank you, thank you for being vulnerable and open. I’m right with you!! That’s me too!!
No problem at all.
Absolutely brilliant , so relatable in every way.
Thank you
I agree with you on work 100%. People should be able to be themselves at work, obviously through a professional lens.
Yep. Never mind if I moonwalk to and from the desk, pay attention to my work and work ethics 😂
My first view of your work. Thank you, Paul. Great video! I am 71 and have self-diagnosed ASD/ADHD. We are very different. However, your description of eating the food on your plate sounded completely normal to me, but once you said it, I realized the way I eat is not "normal". I have subscribed and look forward to seeing more of your videos. I also match 100% with your way of shopping.
There are many popular videos on CZcams of young people reacting to songs they have never heard before that were famous a long time ago. I have a twisted sense of humor. I think it would be very funny to see videos of people like me watching one of your videos for the first time. I would be saying how "strange" this guy is and then unwittingly say something "more strange" about myself.
I detest reaction videos for some reason. Not sure what it is that bothers me about them. But I do understand what you mean 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutismYes, reaction videos are horrible, why do we want to watch people videoing themselves that aren't giving us any information other than they're narcissistic and can look shocked or surprised 😂
It's giving me food for thought. Thanks Suzanne
I'm 38 and un diagnosed, I need no diagnosis, I don't need others to believe I'm autistic, but since I quit drinking I'm exhausted all the time, I work as a meat manager in a grocery store, I have felt like survival is all about manipulating how I act, and I'm just tired of not sleeping and reviewing my day every night, and trying to understand everyone, my wife does not know I'm like this I feel like I'm trying to be the person she wants me to be all the time, and now after all my striving to make it now my poor son is just like me and she thinks he has adhd just like her.... I'm worried he is both... ty for this least self victomizing video I have found
Hope it helped. If your son goes through the process, maybe it could be a gateway to allow you to unmask a little. Slowly but surely 👍🏻
You have linked two phenomena in perhaps a more ingenious way than you realize, and certainly gave me a distinct "aha!" moment, so thank you for that. Like you, I was the kid who never changed. I didn't go through "stages," strangely enough even my physical development (the changes of puberty and all that) was incredibly slow, infinitessimally gradual, like trying to see the hour hand move on a clock. I remember a friend (now "gone") telling me, almost as if complaining at me, as if I should somehow feel guilty about it, "You never changed! Your voice didn't break, you didn't have acne, you just...GREW but you didn't...CHANGE!" Like he was mad at me for it. Which goes, surely, into why we're not friends anymore. My existence, or manner of existence, somehow affronted him, like a personal insult, as if my NOT going through certain stages in exactly the same way he did were some kind of implicit judgement. Which is pathologically absurd, but it seems to be very common. And this comes right back to your linking these two phenomena. Again, like you, I was never interested in wearing a t-shirt with anybody's name or face on it, or having posters of this or that sports figure or movie star on my wall, or nearly any of the other typical phases of adolescence. And I think the way this plays into losing friends is (I wonder whether you will relate to this)--my experience tells me that there are people who unconsciously attach themselves to (I might say "glom onto") an autistic person, with neither that person nor the autistic person needing to be aware of autism's part in all this, precisely because the autistic person presents an impression of reassuringly predictable neutrality, constancy, dare I say stability (regardless of what's really going on inside the autistic person), a kind of blank slate that the other person can project their needs, expectations, troubles, interests, desires onto without the usual "interference" that comes from others in such relationships.The autistic person often, I think (at least, from personal experience) makes an extra-intense effort at manifesting empathy and compassion, largely out of a belief that this is what the social convention requires and also, perhaps, to overcompensate for a deeper kind of distance and isolation that the other person's troubles do not penetrate (and this is something the autistic person guiltily hides as his "deep dark secret," that he doesn't really "care"). Guilt plays no small role in all this. The psychological and physiological cost of this is, of course, gigantic, but that's something the world doesn't see and doesn't care about. Certainly the "friend" doesn't. Which kind of tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it. And then what happens? The person who was, even if somewhat unwittingly (to be charitable) using the autistic person as a resonating board sooner or later moves on, grows out of that stage, is perhaps even embarrassed about it and prefers not to be around anybody who reminds him/her of it, and so the autistic person is...dispensible: your services are no longer required. Now that you know about your autism and, doubtless, have been assimilating the tsunami of accompanying insights that come from it, I've no doubt your "antennae" are infinitely more sensitive to the approach of such types, the "friends" on the hunt for the walking resonating board, and you enjoy a new freedom to shut that down, never even let it start, exercise your prerogative to be "cold" and disinterested (intentionally chose "dis-" rather than "un-"), and thus leave vaster spaces open in your life to establish the genuinely healthy relationships full of potential for authentic mutual understanding. Even one like that is worth more than a thousand of the other kind.
Friendship was always a minefield. I thought your friend was your friend and...that was it! But so many rules to just remain friends. One main reason I fell out of touch with my oldest friend was due to the fact he is money obsessed, and to me it was just a means to an end. He hated that I had no attachment to it, and thought less of me because of it. I mourned the friendship once it was gone, until I paid attention to what I missed, and it was actually nothing at all. He lost a lot more than I did. In fact, he lost what money cannot buy, which was friendship 👍🏻
Thanks for being honest & sharing. Compassion, self- care and communication. Being honest about how you are doing with trusted people or in a journal is helpful. If you are able to use your skills to help someone else and vice versa that makes life a little easier. I think alot of challenges are Trauma based. Talking about it is 1st step. Many of us have aspects that maybe different.