Video

Paul I just love u mate, this channel is a gem❤

Wow. 100% relatable 💗

I have to eat all of my least favorite, then continue that order until I get to my favorite....every...single....time.

37. Haven't had an official diagnosis, but, have taken myriad online tests all coming back as strong probability, have been deep diving the dsm-5 and videos like this and other resources; everything you are saying hits home way too hard with me. I am also currently struggling with insomnia, recently had a minor heart attack, and have just been through it. But, holy crap your words sound like my life. A lifetime of acting. Absolutely understand this, brotha. It had been an interesting couple of months coming to this realization.

Just found your channel! You're great to listen to and thank you for sharing!

yes! my father was told i was asd when i waa 8 and hid it from me. I'm female and high-masking but I have been through the mill over and over got a diganosis as an adult along with an EDs diagnosis only to learn I had a diagnosis all along....

I feel every bit of this mate...

I just got my late autism diagnosis on the 22nd of may 2024. Just 8 days ago. I'm 43 years old. I'm forever grateful for autistic youtubers like you. It means the world to me. Thank you. 🏆❤

I never thought the fact I don’t get jealous of people was due to autism 😮😮😮😮

Umm, im not a doctor but pain in one side, going through to the back and constant urination sounds like kidneys to me. I would suspect kidney infection, but im sure you were tested for this. Hope its all sorted now

I am one of those who can do a pretty decent job, but still crumble under the scrutiny of the interview... I found that a neurotypical beats me out of a job 9 times out of 10... it might be because I can't hide what i'm feeling and my depression becomes visible for a split second or I lose my confidence mid interview... Why the hell do I have to be the living embodiment of confidence to get a fucking job that I'm perfectly qualified for? Why can't an interview be more like: Interviewer: "so here are what we require, and the expectations of this job are... do you understand what is expected, and can you do it?" me: "yes, I believe I can. With proper job training I'll probably have your job someday." Interviewer: "Sounds great. so we got some paper we need you to fill out. When can you start?" Why TF do I have to put on the face of someone else in order to get someone to consider me for employment? Why should I have to? Why should I have to decline my own mental health in order to survive, when I'm already borderline suicidal (almost full on(not sure it ain't full on now)) to begin with? Honestly, I really don't know what is keeping me alive anymore... I see a lot of people who have everything they want and still complain about completely meaningless and insignificant, stupid problems that could be solved easily, While I'm stuck in poverty without the means to get anything I need or want, and it pisses me off to see these people complaining when they don't realize that they got it so fucking easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why should I have to suffer a life of undeniable, complete rejection? And what's it going to take to make a lasting change that isn't for the benefit of the neurotypicals in the workplace? What about us, huh? what about the autistics who can't work because they can't help but show exactly how they feel written on their face 24/7, and because what's written on my fucking face isn't confidence but anxiety and desperation? the only reason I ever had a job was because they couldn't hire anybody else cuz nobody showed up and filled out an application except for me... I just want to drop dead... I wish I didn't have to work even though I still want to... I wish I could make the choices that led me here again... I'd do so much so differently...

Simply getting an assessment is a huge cost for autistic people. Time, huge emotional effort, mental effort to deal with the waiting times and inaccessible processes. And if you want to avoid some of this, it costs a lot of money. People rarely talk to me on the train.

What a powerful video ❤ thank you very much. I’ve found that it’s really hard trying to explain those things to people who are not autistic, in fact I’m watching this video right now cause I can’t sleep after having tried to explain my train of thought to someone I’m positive is not autistic. It’s so overwhelming and draining

73 and undiagnosed but so recognize aspects of everything you say here. The eating habit cracks me up. Yup. That's what I do. Always have.

Wow! Stumbled on your channel, sounded like me talking…I mean the thoughts. Finding years of masking has drained me to the point I find it harder and to rebuild myself. At 57, I just don’t have the energy to be everything the world needs me to be. Thanks for this straight talk, all of it so true.

Great video!

Love it❤

Bro this is exactly how I've been feeling

I am one of those very rare cases Paul, at least from the outside - wife, kids, career, eldest going to an excellent school - but a series of things (including getting two of my daughters diagnosed for ADHD) - and I found myself going in to get diagnosed - mostly I was thinking about ADHD, maybe getting access to a perscription that would help me focus better - but I ended up with an autism diagnosis (and not ADHD - because I wasn't "impaired enough" - stupid reason, but that is a fight for the future). But the inside is very similar - yearning for friends but not understanding how other people operated - the stressors and my reactions to them - so clear in hindsight - but I didn't understand things before. From stimming to hearing things nobody else could to problems with changes in schedule - why did it bother me so much when my wife changed a schedule without telling me first? Why could I not be spontaneous. I have had people tell me "everyone feels that way" - even a therapist did the same - but I was like - you have no idea. Watching videos by yourself and others have helped me understand so much (and maybe I will record some of my own videos) - I almost fell out of my chair when I found other autistic people who could hear the hum of electricity! I can't hear it in normal walls, but if I go near a breaker box, I can hear it. My wife is still struggling with it - my eldest daughter cheered. Thanks for these videos and best wishes on your journey mate!

I'm only sometimes functional. I sometimes have severe mobility issues, sometimes (pass for) normal. Parking causes anxiety yes.

This is AMAZING 😍 I also need those extra days and your company GAINS because you helped them see what you need to not burn out. Which means they get your best work which probably surpasses most employees they've had before.

I haven't gone as far as to try to engage with any online autistic community yet. What you've said here has helped me realize why I've been so cautious about it and why I will continue to just observe for now. I do watch a variety of youtubers speaking on autism and lived experience and that is really the extent of my need for community, for now. The content has been incredibly helpful for me, yours included. Naturally there have been times while watching your content that you've shared opinions that have clashed with mine, however I have far more appreciation for your approach to having opinions in general than I've ever let those personal difference bother me, and that feels like a point of growth for me because I've not been above shutting down in the past when faced with opposing opinions. It's far more freeing to know that going against the grain is ok here if and when that occurs. For me the atmosphere reads as one where those differences could actually be discussed and not immediately stifled. If you're the "black sheep" of the autistic community online then I prefer it here despite how much our opinions may clash. Thank you for shedding light on this particular dark side of things and a huge thank you for a welcoming environment I feel safe to exist in without needing to match up with.

Although I've always been a weird artist, who does their best to dress like Bowie, I have masked hard for 50 years. I "get away" with a lot because I am an artist. Even though I have said things like "I have to squirm and jiggle to focus" or "I can tell you how to perform in public: I wear an invisible suit and pretend to be someone else to do anything I do, even tog et out of the house", am hypersensitive, "shy" etc lack of knowledge about autism has led to me still be able to mask. (Now that I know this really makes me laugh). Nonetheless, now that I know I am some kind of variety flavor of neurodivergent and try to be myself, I feel like my family (the one I was born to and my spouse) are somewhere in between discomfort, annoyance and disgust. Yeah, it is very complicated and everyone has a different experience.

I really appreciate your opinions on cars and idiot drivers! Also "I am *always* irritable so yeah, I will say *often*". Hehehe Love it! Thank you for being so human about this: well yeah, this is just being human. Indeed my wise friend

I just want to thank you for making the videos I know there's got to be parts that get to you it would me put an alarm for I can't catch my breath you allowed me to breathe just hearing someone else say the things that I live with every day and helps I don't want to bring anybody down but I just kind of want to talk to someone that could understand it's really rough I'm being mean I'm 44 and I have lived most of my life not understanding that I was different just thinking that I was somehow not good enough I couldn't do what everyone else just naturally did no problem but it was such a struggle for me and then the society that I live in the best I can hope for is someone to laugh at me normally I'm completely ignored no one understands no one cares to understand I'm screaming inside absolutely losing my mind to the point I'm ready to kill myself people look at me and their opinion is all that matters there is so much more I want to say but I'm going to just post this before I erase it your videos are awesome dude do what's right for you I'd love to see more and does anyone have a good way of explaining to someone what it's like what the pure hell of day-to-day life can be for someone with autism how do you explain that to someone who has no idea no clue what it's like just basically sees you as weak I guess how do you explain that to where they can understand I need to know

This video really hit home for me, Paul! As a newly diagnosed autistic 60 year old woman, I've been watching alot of videos about autism, particularly this past year (I was just diagnosed 5 months ago). I have to say I find your take especially refreshing! While I appreciate that there is alot more openness and information available about autism these days, I get frustrated watching some other autism channels. So many autistic video creators nowadays advocate "unmasking", just "take off your mask and be yourself". That's all well and good, except that I've been masking for the past 6 decades, and up until recently I didn't even know I was doing it. Patterns of behavior are now very deeply ingrained, and I don't really know how to "be myself". Who am I, apart from the "self" that I project out to the world in order to be accepted?(although I've mostly failed miserably at being accepted; NT's can always sense something "different" about me, no matter what I do). And I resonate so much with what you said about how being yourself is offensive to the world. On the occasions when my mask slips and I decide to be honest, I apparently come across as offensive and rude. I wouldn't ever intentionally hurt someone, but sometimes the truth is just the truth, and it feels like a lie to say something otherwise.

I thought for sure you were gonna say "I'm m not an educator; I'm just an autistic bloke." One of my sons was diagnosed when he was 4 as high-functioning. He's done really well for the last 5 years and he's almost 22. But now I'm starting to see a lot of struggles he's having around career. He's having a hard time staying employed now because he doesn't want to play "The Game." He tried being self-employed for a week and a half and that just blew up because he's too disorganized and he got very overwhelmed with managing everything.

I'm a 60 year old woman who was just formally diagnosed autistic 5 months ago. I tried going through my insurance, but was told they only pay for children, not adults. So I paid a good amount of money to get my diagnosis privately. I have suspected I was autistic for about 15 years, and finally last year decided it was time to find out for sure. It wasn't to get anything out of it (at my age, there are many accomodations I would qualify for), but rather just for my own peace of mind. I haven't told anyone yet of my diagnosis (besides my therapist, who I just began working with a few months ago). I don't actually have any friends at the moment, and don't do much socially, and I'm estranged from my family, so there isn't really anyone to tell. Maybe someday I will share it, but I'm going to be very careful about who, and under what circumstances.

Hi Paul! This is my first visit to your channel, and I enjoyed this video very much! Thank you, and I'll be checking out more videos. 😊

Your music is beautiful. "The Letter" had me in tears.

Hi Paul, thank you for explaining about the costs of the autism life experience... I have pretty much always felt like this, but it's so validating and helpful to have clarification. Clothes, food, sounds, smells, people, public, lights, health issues, etc etc etc. It takes a lot of energy to cope with life to be honest. I can't participate in a lot of activities, situations, or go to certain places due to sensory issues, triggers, and even if it's just too hot or loud because it will cause me to have a severe anxiety attack. Whew 😵. So I have been trying very hard to just keep myself as comfortable as possible while dealing with my ASD. It's not easy. I just had my 68th birthday last week and I think 😮 it's amazing I made it, but I have, so it's possible. All the best to you from East Texas, and nice to see you here again Paul. Take good care.. 😊

Well done!

I've had the same thing my entire life. Would rather be too cold than too hot. I love chilly weather, don't mind shorts until it actually snows. I absolutely hate summer, need my mandatory two layers of upper clothing in order not to want to scratch myself out of my skin. But the first thing I do when I go back home is take off everything cause it's sweaty and put on my safe home-clothes. I'm Polish and trans so I always associated it with cultural differences and dysphoria but... Now I'm collecting all those little snippets of information to make sure my diagnosis goes through. It's such a relief having that ray of hope that maybe it wasn't my ill will to be so particular about things that bother me to the point of having to power through life and being utterly exhausted... Sorry for the long comment. I love your content, it helped me immensely with research and figuring stuff out!!

I’ve known since I was a child myself that I would not have kids. Primary reason is extreme medical phobia, I could not cope with the experience of being pregnant and giving birth so that’s always been a non-negotiable. At one point thought well, maybe I could adopt or have a surrogate, but the older I get the less ability I have to cope with children’s behaviours. The sensory side of it is unbearable. Babies I’m actually fine with, it’s once they get to the age where they’re doing their own thing. The uncertainty of raising a child, what might happen to them avoidable or not, the way the world and education is now would also really bother me. I’m completely at peace with this choice, I don’t even think about it. But I wish I knew more people who also felt the same way.

Trying to be persent in adult life,fucking sucks you know,no one truly cares about autism and daly stuggles

Ive been knowing iam austic my whole life and iam 21 about to be 22 and still havent got the proper help and been throught alot tramas in my life , its like you turly feel alone,this video strikes the heart for me thank you very much :)

You have a lovely voice, and its a beautiful song, very heart-felt, it made me emotional to hear it and listen to the lyrics. Thanks for sharing.

I was 43 when I found out. It sort of felt like a relief at first because a lot of rejection and social awkwardness suddenly made sense. But that boiling water… I was unable to contain by that time in my life, which is why I did the adult assessment in the first place, because I started manifesting more autistically to people on a regular basis and it was becoming visible, the side of me that I hid from everyone. What I found out, however, was that while it was a relief to know, it’s been difficult to discover the breadth of the effects. I know exactly what you mean about building a life on a mask and then revealing to people that that’s not really who you are. It reminds me of Jim Carrey going through a depressive episode and having everyone question the person that he was on the other side. He wasn’t the Jim Carrey that everyone knew. Everyone knows me to be a certain type of person to be able to work 13 hours for weeks on end and not show signs of stress except for private moments they don’t get to see. Suddenly showing all those people who I really am would look like I was going crazy. I’ve discovered the breadth of my masking I can pat my young self on the back for coming up with such a complicated mechanism to fitting in. And I just don’t have the confidence that people have taken off the social pressure that that young version of myself knew was there.

I'm jaxon I've been diagnosed with autism but how do you cope with people making comments like I get weird vibes and how do you cope with people talking behind your back. I have to hide my autism each day.

It does help. Thanks.

Im not diagnosed but my wife deeply believes I have autism. To be honest I agree with her. If I do have it I will tell anyone it isnt a super power to not be capable of building deep relationships with other people and to never be understood your entire life. Knowing youll die potentially never feeling a "true connection" with a human being. Yeah some super power -_-

Im 33 and have my assessment coming up next Wednesday so i have really enjoyed your channel and can relate to your experiences a lot

I am so screwed at 44 trying to start over with a new career when been self-employed until now. Can answer a job interview question perfectly in my head but getting that same answer out my mouth they way it sounded in my head, just say I am screwed. A lot of times I have just given up instead of doing the To-to -today Jr. moment. Don’t know which one is worse but it sucks it’s like my brain/subconscious is sabotaging me

Hello, Paul. I realize this video has been posted for a while, but it touches on almost everything I struggle with, and I just wanted to say it makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one. Appreciate the content you make. Thank you. Waffle on.

Man I 100% agree and understand when you speak about people becoming upset that you use "adult with autism" instead of "autistic adult". I don't think they've ever faced any actual adversity.

Finally found someone who I can listen to without rolling my eyes or fast forwarding a video to get to the point! Well paced, realistic, no CZcamsisms or loud background music. Subscribed 👍🏻

I don't fit in the neurotypical community and I don't fit in the Autism community. Good thing my cat likes me. This is the first time I've been able to connect with an opinion other than my own. Thanks for that.

😂 oddly enough I am a welder. Your not incorrect my friend, they only tolerate me because of my skill sets. Have a grandson on the spectrum. Bless his heart, he has a really bad time and much worse for him but I've masked for way too many years. Question for you sir, your thoughts on hereditary traits playing a part. I am confused as to whether this is passed down through generations...

I thought the puzzle piece was about finding where you fit in life or the world etc, then the rainbow symbol about peace and acceptance of everyone, so how about a puzzle piece with a rainbow on it?

I find the word suprrpower misleading, because even if someone has a skill they're exceptional at, they've lokely had to work at it all their lives to pefect it. I'm also registered blind and find the people patronising when they somehow find it amazing that I walk to and from the local shop, or whatever else I happen to do in daily life.