10 Childhood Autistic Traits That Make Sense Now
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- As a child, medical professionals said I was stressed, anxious, and shy. It wasn’t until I turned 31 that I was finally able to put all of the pieces together in a way that made sense. I realized with the help of a psychologist that I’m autistic.
This video explores 10 of my childhood autistic traits that were overlooked as stress, anxiety, or just being shy.
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I am not a doctor or medical professional. I am a 33-year-old autistic mom and I’m sharing my experiences to spread awareness of how autism presents, to connect others like me to resources and support, and to empower people on the spectrum to live confident, successful lives.
Please consult your healthcare provider before making any changes to your healthcare routine.
Also, please note that relating to some of these traits does not mean you are autistic. It is part of a much larger picture. If you’re interested in learning more about whether or not you might be on the spectrum, you may find the following video suggestion helpful along with my playlist over the diagnostic process:
Am I autistic? What should I do next? • I think I might be aut...
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⏰ TIMESTAMPS 🕰
(1:48) Intro: Purpose and Important Info
(3:03) Common Autism Misdiagnoses
(3:29) List of 10 Traits Starts
(14:34) Community Responses - More Autistic Childhood Traits
(16:54) Meltdown Survival Guide
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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Women are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
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You are a beautiful person worthy of love!
#autism #autistic #aspergers
My mom always said I had a photographic memory, but in reality when I would take tests I would think back to what the air felt like on my skin, the sounds of the electricity in the walls, the way my clothes felt on my body, the way the seat felt, how the room smelled….and then I could remember what was on the board or what the teacher said 🫠🫠🫠 she just thought I was really smart, but I was attempting to use all the other sensory input to my advantage
That is amazing!
I remember things the same way. My family always asked me for help if they lost something and I could find it by remembering all the little details around that object and putting myself in that room in my mind.
I was, yet again, depressed and doctors thought I'm bipolar. I ate ketiapin for years and can't remember things from that time the same. I think it's because my senses weren't as hyper as normally.
I'm so happy that my mind starts to work the same again. My friend lost her car keys for a second and I can still go back to that tiny exterior hallway to feel all the things surrounding me and seeing the keyes on the floor next to the shoe rack. And no, I don't move other people's things because I don't want them to move mine.
I always described it as being a visual learner. I can recall what things looked like, especially things I’ve read. When singing, sometimes it was like I was reading the sheet music in my head
Yes ! I used to only study listening to music so that I could think back to which song and the exact part that played when I would read the questions. It helped me pass so many tests !
What you are describing sounds like sensory processing. People think in three different ways, visual (these people’s memories play back for them like a movie), auditory (these people remember things by telling themselves a story) and the third way is sensory (your memories are full of physical sensations). I’m sensory processor on the spectrum as well but I’ve met people on the spectrum who process the other two ways. Temple Gradin is a great example of a visual processing person on the spectrum.
You are so blessed to have received a diagnosis. I’m 35 and my therapist was gaslighting me when I brought Autism up to her. She said I was “too smart” to be autistic, and then sarcastically asked if I was obsessed with toy trains. I immediately knew then that I would not be returning to her.
My mother dismissed it right away.
Yes, that's about the point in time when I'd be saying, "you don't know much about it, do you." Not really a question....
what the actual fuck, please tell me you got a different therapist. they needa get their license revoked
😢
@@lilylaura6955 autism is a difference in the structure of the brain. You can't cure the shape of something.
There are several nutrients that can help. If your herbs contain those nutrients, they might be of some benefit. Anyone who is interested should do their own research.
I am highly suspicious of anyone selling herbal remedies through Whatsapp.
Full list of the 10 traits plus time stamps :)
1. Being labeled gifted, sensitive, shy or all 3 of these 03:34
2. Anxiety over group situations 04:11
3. Enjoying time alone 06:00
4. Frequent sickness/pain 06:55
5. Confusion about birthday parties 08:29
6. Eating the same thing every day 09:40
7. Difficulty navigating peer relationships 10:29
8. Creating systems of organization 12:00
9. Preferring visual learning over auditory learning 12:44
10. preferring to interact with teachers over peers 13:22
Thank you for this. I wanted to watch the full video, but just couldn’t stick with it.
Thank you! Hero of the day!
Spot on !!!
@@svenjasvenja5454 Thank you for breaking it down so succinctly. It both made it easier for those of us who are sharing videos as a way of expressing ourselves to our closest. It also gave us a fantastic heads up that a certain segment might not be what we needed to see that day. 🙌🕊️
Number 10! How weird but true!
I've always been called sensitive which I think was and is dismissive
Yes. My psychologist recommended to me that I replace the word sensitive with “responsive” and it’s been a huge shift for me.
@@MomontheSpectrum I have to admit, I started using the word "reactive" instead of sensitive, echoing the words I used to describe my ex-racehorse, and doing that allowed me to give both myself and my horse a bit more grace. Being reactive or responsive were advantageous to our species (both human and equine) in some way, otherwise we wouldn't be so. We're an interesting part of evolutionary history, and perhaps evolutionary future, and it takes all sorts for our species to survive.
I feel the same way when people call me shy, it’s very dismissive
@@MomontheSpectrumthere's magic ✨️ in that perspective shift! Sensory integration disorder should be changed to sensory-something-else but I'm not sure what!
same! as the years go by and new global conversations are had about sensitivity, I'm always shouting yesss such and such IS a problem . it sucks hearing people bitch about "kids are so sensitive these days"
I disagree; newer generations are NICER now and that type is just so mad they can't disrespect women, use homosexuality as a slur, body shaming, wanting so fucking bad to be able to use the N word.
It's not us who are too sensitive; it it they who are lacking and mad they're outnumbered
I'm 73...and this has been an epiphany! 73 years being the outsider, quirky, likable person that lost friends because their parties intimidated me. Made fun of because I'd only eat certain foods, hated noise and chatter. It is relieving to know it's okay ..I'm unique, not weird.
💝I’m unique, not weird💫. Beautiful!😃
I’m 57 and now just realizing it
I'm glad you got some clarity with this. I would love to hear what you think would have been different about your life if you'd known this about yourself earlier.
I am 64. I have wondered if I might be autistic...even when I was a teenager. Back then, it was presented in such a negative way that I really hoped that it wasn't part of me. I can relate to most of the characteristics. This has been very positive to read Taylor Heaton's story. Are many of you double- jointed? Are you contortionists? Is your collagen loose? Are you on the EDS spectrum?
Congratulations on your epiphany! I hope it allows you to live life with more freedom and self-forgiveness than you've afforded yourself in the past. ❤
I'm sitting here crying as an adult in my 40s because this was my exact childhood (and adulthood) and I can't believe not a single therapist or doctor ever picked up on it or told me. And I saw a lot of them for anxiety and depression and missing school. How different my life could have been if I knew why I was different instead of thinking there was something very wrong with me or other people or that I must be an alien or something. Every little thing about my whole life makes sense now that I have been looking in to this diagnosis. Everything. Thank you so much for your videos, you have been so helpful.
Hi - I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for your comment. I know what this feels like. Once I saw this for my own life it was such an overwhelming gift with alll the emotions. Definitely plenty of challenges and pain too. I also went through so much therapy thinking something was wrong with me. 10 years of it!
Here’s a quick video I made with more info that may be helpful regarding next steps!
czcams.com/video/nQnvLKrFDkU/video.html
Same. I'm 42
Same I ways thought I was autistic. Never diagnosed. I would love to be diagnosed officially
I feel my daughter might be in the spectrum, but her therapist has expressed that she doesn’t think my daughter even needs a therapist. So I am trying my best to learn and make her comfortable.
Same I'm 52 and only just realised picked up on this after speaking with a nurse who has worked with autistic people. Bit late for me tbut at last I can finally make sense of things and go easier on myself.
Overly dependent on one friend: YES! I had a best friend in 2nd through maybe 4th grade that I was always sticking to, then when she started hang out more with other people it felt like such a betrayal and I was so lost. Honestly it was pretty traumatic because I was unable to understand how to fit in with other people after that.
This is kind of me since I have a new best-friend that I've met 1 month ago, I don't feel betrayed, but I feel left out whenever she talks to her other friends. At the same time, I want to hangout with her friends since despite not wanting to socialize, I have been feeling miserable lately and rather lonely. So, I kinda crave for interaction :(
@@moongalaxywolf434 I think feeling betrayed had more to do with, as kids, when we promised "oh yes, we'll be best friends forever!" I took that literally and couldn't understand why she didn't want to hang out with me as much anymore (at one point she actively pushed me away and wouldn't talk to me which is where the trauma comes in).
If you feel comfortable talking about healthy boundaries with your friend that might be helpful, ( I know I would worry about seeming too clingy).
This was sooo me! 60 yrs later I’m still in touch with this one person!
Me too.
This is happening right now to me, I had a friend I have stuck to for like 6 years and now she is hanging out with other friends more than me, it feels like such a betrayal and like the world is ending. I am going back to school tomorrow(after spring break) and I spent the entire break alone in my room except for one outing where it was loud and noisy and really draining, also watching my parents trying to figure out how to have a conversation without it being weird or feeling awkward, marveling over how easily they have a conversation. I still don’t know how they do it 😢I am going to die tomorrow😢
I hated school so much. I was very quiet and "shy" and the social part of school was unbearable. I would even fake being sick so i didn't have to go. Crying tantrums was another thing. It was awful.
Same here. I was labeled as shy. I would beg my parents to let me stay home, pretend to be sick, and even get suspended from school on purpose. I cried over everything, took everything personal, and had severe temper tantrums, especially in high school. I had so much trouble fitting in and making friends and almost never managed to keep friends longer than a couple of months.
I believe talking to my teacher was relaxing because social hierarchy and expectations were so established and not confusing.
This makes so much sense!! No having to continually monitor for social position among peers.
HOLY CRAP!!! FINALLY - someone who gets it!! I love being by myself!!! I really hate it when people are intrusive.
Yeah it can really throw me off in a major way…
Yes, if U see me reading a book, sewing or crocheting, plz don't bother me.
I had a shingles outbreak at 26:( I also am a recovering alcoholic and on disability after failed suicide attempts in my 20s. I was expelled from high school because I was always hiding out in the bathroom due to sensory social overload. My life has been hard working as a care giver I got burnt out and still unable to get out of bed most days. I'm only 33. Thanks for creating content for neurodivergent women .
Thank you for sharing part of your story here. Sending you love and encouragement.
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you Taylor! we live totally different lives (i live alone with cats) but I still see myself in your videos and relate to all the sensory/social struggles. I am very naive like most asd women and that lead to me getting into relationships that were sadly abusive but I stayed in for years because I'm fiercely loyal (another ASD trait) Seeing you and your husband (adorable family) gives me hope there's good men out there that will love regardless of autism disorder. I do think family and love is the best thing in life as humans and we all deserve to experience it. Can't wait to see more content in the future! God bless you Taylor.
It’s shocking how similar our lives sound. I wish you all the best, lord knows it’s hard.
Omg I got shingles at 23 after getting a horribly traumatic job
@@FormerFraggle sending love..
Well, I wasn’t called shy. I was “gifted,” “sensitive” and “antisocial.” I was probably more self-isolating than you sound, to the point where I actually didn’t want any friends, particularly my own age. I had a rich imagination and became a writer (11 novels published). I have severe sensory processing issues with my skin and with noise. And even with all that AND seeing a child psychologist, my autism was finally diagnosed last year. I am 60 years old.
Wow! Thanks so much for sharing your story here. I’d love to hear more about your books!
I was called gifted but lazy and unmotivated.
@@tinalettieri lol get out of my head! :)
I had an evaluation for Autism a couple of years ago but was deemed to have too much social skills to be classified Autistic. I look people in the eye and I have a clear way to express empathy. Watching this video makes me feel like I’m still ticking every other box for autism, the root to a lot of my daily struggles seems confirmed.
I was trained to do this as a child - I had the good? fortune of having a mom who I am going to guess also has autistic traits and who explained things very clearly to me. Why I should look people in the eye and how to start. I can recall her explaining how to look at an ear or eyebrow and slowly work towards being able to actually look in the eyes or at least look like I was looking in the eyes. I bet you were likely trained as well even if not as consciously. Some of us have reasons why we *had* to learn to do some of this masking and then we internalize so that as an adult we don't present as "expected". My therapist and I once had a conversation where "a person who is an alcoholic is still an alcoholic, even if they don't drink". She also told me I'd already figured out most of the coping mechanisms she would have taught me. That was validating if sad since that meant there wasn't much *more* I could do to get better.
I used this doc herbs for my son and now my son is completely free, his speaking and behavior is ok. His herbs is 100% working on ASD. I met Dr Oyalo on channel and I’m happy to share my experience about it
@@TheEileen What an interedsting comment, Thank you. I just wanted to reach out and say you do not need to "get better" you are great and a perfect soul as you are
It's so unfortunate that this outdated view of autism is still used for diagnosis and "treatment." Defining autism as a deficiency in social skills and/or empathy has so many problematic blind spots. There is no single, standard, healthy way to socialize and understand others--culture, language, generational gaps, upbringing, neurology can play out in myriad ways. So when allistic/nonautistic people say we lack social skills, they really mean we lack THEIR specific social skills. It means we make THEM uncomfortable, and the degree to which we can hide or mask our autism, is the degree to which they see us as "normal." In reality, we aren't getting "better" by learning allistic social skills, we're just mimicking them well enough to get by in allistic environments. This, incidentally, is why girls and women are underdiagnosed. Girls are under tremendous pressure to follow social norms to fit in and be safe, so learning to mask comes early.
Here's the thing. Allistic people aren't better at social skills and empathy in general--they're just better at allistic social skills. Autistic people typically socialize with each other just fine as well. When challenges arise, it's more often than not happens with allistic and autistic interactions--and the burden is nearly always on autistic people to adapt. I accept this as a necessity in many contexts, but I'm done hiding my autism.
That feels so wrong. I am pretty sure I have Autism and I have several kids with Autism. I look people in the eye because I learned to. I remember the exact moment I started because I had read that not doing it was a sign of lying and I was more uncomfortable at people thinking I was a liar so I started probably making too much eye contact 😅
Speaking of not being comfortable with peers, as a kid I was the same way always wanting to be with the adults and having real conversations. I really thought of myself as a little adult, and being told to play with the kids was annoying and pointless. Now as an adult, I find it hard to relate with other adults 😅I work in childcare and always say I like it because children just think you’re being fun, but adults will see stimming or acting “childish” and think you’re weird.
Oh wow, I can relate to that completely! I never understood why no one else my age around me felt that way.
same,, even into my teens and 20s, i would stay home Fridays to chill with my dad and his friends. I'd even go over there after I moved out to socialize with the 40 somethings
Yes. I loved listening to older adults. The high school kids around me always just seemed incredibly silly for some reason. In the “Not what I want to deal with” kind of way.
Wow. This is me.
thats 100% me as a almost 30 year old
4:11 - My mom is a teacher and she always offers the choice of doing group projects alone to avoid this very situation because she knows how much I struggled with that growing up. I wish more teachers would be understanding of this, group work can be so mentally distressing (,:
Right?!! I’m a retired elementary school teacher and always did the same. My kiddo now is in the spectrum (just turned 16). We moved schools to a very small charter school (I’ve always been against them and now even more so) because “typical” high school wasn’t working. Who knew the program in this small school was “grouped based curriculum” 🤦🏻♀️. Nowhere did it say in their philosophy, website, etc. they did not accommodate for her to do assignments a different way and the problems started again. Needless to say we left that particular school and will try homeschooling for a semester. We will see how that works.
We need more teachers like your mom❤.
She is a very smart and wise teacher. The concept of forcing children to work together likely is un-wise.
I get the premise of group work, because you will have to work in groups in many jobs - but what they DON'T account for is that some kids don't care about doing their work or their grades, so they're not motivated to do the work. When you're employed, you're getting PAID to do that work, and if you don't do it, or do it badly, you're going to get fired over it.
It's a whole different environment in school vs work, and putting kids into that situation is, IMO, unreasonable.
Even in college I had a group project with two girls who couldn't be bothered to do a damn thing. I did all the work, and wrote the teacher a cover letter explaining everything and telling her to grade as she wanted, but that the other girls didn't contribute in any way to the project. And that's college, where you're PAYING for an education!
People really need to look at what happens in groups, and try to balance that crap out.
The picky eating and wearing the same clothes is so true. We ain’t sociopaths! We have too many feelings, like I’ll see a dog and if he’s cute I will cry, we just gave no idea when to show the feeling lol Holding space for you today, I’m SO happy I found your channel!!
Thanks so much Z!!
And just like animals we tend to live in a more instinctual form of being. If you want to encourage certain behaviour use positive reinforcement with us not punishment
@@Dancestar1981 that’s so important!
lol it’s funny i had started to label myself a sociopath because i did see some similarities but autism makes so much more sense. i have so many emotions through out the day. far too many to be a sociopath. from crying over seeing a turtle in the road to laughing at the most inappropriate times it all makes so much sense.
yes Zoe, yes.
I found out I was autistic at 30. My whole world and life has changed for the better in unbelievable ways. What is even more magical is I haven’t had life ending thoughts or ideations for real for 4 months. I never realized how frequent I visited that place until now, looking back. The self love I am experiencing now is worth the years of struggle, with that said, I hope whoever reads this and is wondering whether or not a child or person, or even they themselves are autistic, keep going! Autism has roots into every crevice of a person and the struggles aren’t easily verbalized or pinpointed. I love you, all humans are valid beautiful creations of the universe and deserve to be loved and understood and to have a home on this planet. 💗
I love this comment so much and hope many people see it! Thank you for spreading kindness and self acceptance. Please continue doing so!
That's so amazing!❤
How did you come to this place of self love and contentment? Was it because of the diagnose or did you get any therapy?
I found out at age 70!!!! And it has helped. I am very open about it too because I will say exactly what I think. I try not to be mean but sometimes it comes out that way and maybe I have been hurtful without meaning to be.
Absolutely, the same.
That whole “sitting alone and not liking when others came during recess” hit home. I’m getting my autism screening soon, and every time I hear autistic people talk about their experiences I am more convinced that’s the right decision. Like, I’d sit on the tree planters around the playground in the shade and I was content to just sit and think and observe other students (side note: I’ve always been able to clearly hear conversations clearly yards away and that was my live entertainment, like watching a soap opera) but people would always walk up to me and ask if I was okay, if I was lonely, or if people were leaving me out. And I was always like “no I’m just vibing” and they’d be so persistent? Like “are you sure” yes, I’m sure, I told you, this what I always do and I feel comfortable doing, please leave me alone I wasn’t prepared for you to talk to me and I really just need to decompress so that I don’t shut down by the time we get out of school.
My autistic daughter can hear things from far away too!
We go what I call Mia to recharge our energy and get lost in our own lives imagination
@@MomontheSpectrum I can hear the sonar of bats at 100 paces
My coworkers say this to me too. They say I have incredible hearing. They definitely aren’t wrong. I can hear the sizzle of our warmers when they’re low on water just by stepping into the kitchen
@@amberb.6395 I can hear fluorescent lights buzzing and see when they need changing by the speed they flicker
Learning about female autism has been somewhat freeing. I’m in my sixties now but most of what you describe really hits me in the heart
I love disassembling things and repairing them. I taught myself to work on cars and vacuums, and I have a small engine repair side business. My love of tearing things apart started with my mother's 40 year old Kirby vacuum. It started cutting off every time we bumped into something. My mother took it to two different authorized Kirby repair shops. They charged her about $300, and were not able to fix it. She was getting ready to throw it away, so i just disassembled it in the living room floor. I knew nothing about vacuums, but I inspected every part, and I was able to correctly diagnose and repair something that professionals couldn't. I caught the bug. I love tearing things apart.
My dad is the same way! Knowing now that I'm autistic, and that it's genetic, then looking back through the family, we're pretty sure his dad was autistic, too. HE was a radio and TV repairman - my dad became an Electronics and Computer Engineer, and knows how to fix anything actually repairable. His only "failures" in my entire life are places where an actual part died and couldn't be replaced. Sum total? I think we're up to three, lol, and I'm 46!
This was ALL me. Especially playground time. I associate the playground in school mostly with a feeling of confusion and not fun. I didn’t get why people thought what I did was weird. I didn’t get why people didn’t want to hang out with me or treated me different. People chose me last or included me naturally in very rare circumstances. So much confusion.
I could relate to everything except the number 10, for some reason I have always feared adults or authority figures
Same, which was a real struggle when transitioning from education environments, to work environments. And also meant I didn't ask for help in school settings, and my report cards always said, "needs to speak up more and share ideas/contribute in class. Is self-contained" etc etc. But I related to being more comfortable with those younger than myself.
when you talk about talking to teachers or older - I think for me it was that adults were predictable while kids can move into crazy emotions unexpectedly. These all resonate tho, I still choose pb and honey sandwiches if I'm taking a lunch. It is comforting and safe. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for your comment!
1) That's me.
2) Yep!
3) Oh yes this! I still very much enjoy that kind of creative solitude, living alone is so nice and relaxing.
4) Yep. Hyper arousal is a real problem - there's a book "Your Body Keeps the Score" that's about PTSD (also quite common in autistic folks - I have that in addition to being autistic), and it discusses the impact of constant stress on the body.
5) Yes. I loved all the wonderful decorations, and how much my friends loved my parties, but I didn't love how it felt like an invasion of my space.
6) Same foods! Yes! My current same foods? Chicken nuggets and chicken Kievs.
7) I was good at it in my younger years, but when I hit my teens, it became so much more difficult because, I think, the social demands of teenagers and adults are much higher than on pre-teens. I very much don't like people being in my space today.
8) Organizing has always been less of a thing for me, but categorizing or displaying things is very much a thing. I think I found my organizing space in doing databases instead of physical organization.
9) I have trouble memorizing audible information unless I have some kind of visual information (not even necessarily related).
10) I've always interacted better with people not in my age range. It's still true - I love interacting with teenagers, and with elders, but my own age range I find difficult. Teens are very energizing with their fresh-eyed view on the world, and their approach to solving problems. Elders have wisdom and experiences I don't, and I really value their views. My cohort I find have expectations of my time and I feel peer pressure more keenly from them.
Hyperlexia) Yes! I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that my hyperlexia defined my childhood, and was a large part of why I was labeled as gifted. I still get accused of being overly verbose, or using overly complex language. I disagree with that assessment, I'm using accurate and concise language, it is not my fault other people lack linguistic ability.
Situational mutism/shutdowns) I didn't realize I had these until I was diagnosed with autism and started learning more about nonverbal autism in order to understand my peers better. I now acknowledge I am variably verbal, and give myself the grace and space to acknowledge those days where my verbal abilities are decreased.
Thanks for sharing your experiences here!
I bought the book over a year ago and this is the second time I saw it mentioned online today and I never got more than a couple chapters through it because of the chaos I had occuring in my life and home at the time. Now I think it might not be a bad time to see where it ended up in my new apartment and then pick up where I left off or perhaps I should start all over again and read it.
I had many of these traits and still have, but at nearly 70 discovered I am an INFJ (see MyersBriggs personalities) and finding out about this has changed my life and enabled me to undestand and accept myself instead of comparing with others. I always blamed being a only child with older parents who were post-war immigrants and difficulty communicating with family because of language limitations - basically as soon as I went to primary school I stopped speaking my native language and this led to massive difficulties. Always loved being alone, hated socialising, was obsessive about some things and totally uninterested in most others. Was akways seen as odd, peculiar, shy etc. Love my life now!
❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing. I looked up the free test for this and I too am INFJ-T. Her comment that these traits are not specific to autism is important. Discovering my personality type is very helpful and validates why some things are uncomfortable for me. We are all created unique for God’s purpose and glory 😊
I much prefer visual over auditory learning learning. I would get quite frustrated at group projects because people would speak and it was expected for me to follow, what they said wasn't concise and was spoken quickly. There was one time I was trying to listen in on some friends explaining something from a letter we received and they said 'What do you think?' And I responded with 'I will come to answer if you can get me the letter to read' as I wasn't following what they were saying.
💯
Totally get this. I can learn visually, but if I was trying to listen in a class, and absorb, I am unable to take notes at the same time. It is like my ears and my eyes are sharing the same bandwidth, I can do one or the other, not both. So when I am writing notes on what I already heard, I can't take in continuing auditory info. Wish I could hit pause on real life until I catch up.
@@joycebrewer4150 totally me. Taking minutes is a horror and I keep getting asked to do them, no-one understands I just can’t do it. Thanks for your explanation with the bandwidth, I will use that the next time!
@@melodicminor1 glad I was able to be of some help.
I definitely struggled with peer relationships and found far more success with adults. Frequently I was told that I was an old soul, wiser than my years, thoughtful, etc. There's a variety of contributing factors into why I was like that and a large part of it was that I am autistic. I enjoyed thinking about difficult topics and things I'm passionate about. Also as many people have mentioned before already be an outsider in some way makes it a lot easier to fit in. I've found consistently that I work best with people vastly different than me.
I can relate to a lot of what you say. I didn't have a best friend at infant school when everyone else did and it made me stand out. My best friend was a 65 year old lady who lived across the street. We hung out watching quiz shows and birdwatching in her garden. I had a meltdown on at school trip when I was 5 because I was made to hold hands with another child. I hated my hand being held by anyone even my parents, and we were made to stand too close together. I didn't like anyone suddenly coming into my space. And when you mentioned not liking birthday parties, you're the first person to say this. I went along with them too until one day I said to my mum ' PLEASE mum I don't want a party, I don't like the games, I don't know half of the kids and I don't like them coming into my house'. It wasn't that I didn't like the kids though, it was just those parties were soooo stressful.
Holy guacamole! That's almost exactly what my daughter told me late in elementary school about her parties. She just wanted to celebrate with her immediate family. I didn't ever even think she might hate them! We all were so much better when we stopped trying to do whatever "standard" thing society expected and just let her dictate what was normal and comfortable to HER ❤
@@turtusswimus3292 🧡
Oh my God, I was just like that! All through junior school, (up to age 11) my closest friends were elderly and I felt so at ease compared to the loud scrabbling exhausting interaction with other children. I loved to be picked to stay in at playtime to help in the library, or putting out art supplies. Quiet and respectful social interaction please! (Also I have eaten the same menu for nearly 2 years and unfortunately the same three tops and bottoms in clothing). I never, ever considered autism. But now I feel it's all fine, I'm not a damaged wreck.
I am on the Spectrum, although not officially diagnosed. I had my daughter answer some of the ASD quizzes and she scored even more on the spectrum. She is 26 so this was revealing to her. Some of the traits you mentioned resonated with me and even more for my daughter. We are trying to learn about ASD and figuring out how to help ourselves.
thanks for your comment! Here is a quick video that you might find helpful regarding next steps. czcams.com/video/nQnvLKrFDkU/video.html
It is highly genetic so it validates your self diagnosis
One teacher especially liked me and paid for a field trip for me because I was poor. But in general I was overwhelmed with the other teachers and peers and preferred to be alone.
i was called shy as a child, which felt inaccurate at the time, so i would not allow anyone to label my son as shy. I would correct them and say, " no he's not shy. He just doesn't know you."
I've recently came out to a close friend that I am autistic and she said "I could tell." Its no shade from her because she is ADHD lol. I'm a very shy person due to my stutter but when I'm comfortable around people I'm more extroverted. I still need a week to recover from a social gathering though. Usually I dont mind being autistic, I just function differently, but I really hate the hyper sensory issues we have. I don't get sick, but I am a physically frail person. I've been recovering from anorexia and it's one of the most painful and difficult things I've ever gone through. Thank you for another video you bring so much comfort to autistic women and those who are AFAB.
Hi Ivan, thanks so much for sharing this here! I'm sure others will see it and find it helpful to know they are not the only ones with these challenges and struggles. And thank you for your kind feedback. I'm glad you're here.
@@MomontheSpectrum You're welcome and my name is Jazmin, Ivan is a character from a cartoon I like lol! 😚❤ The community you've built here is truly amazing!
Neurodiverse brains feel comfortable together
Same outfit for 20 years. I eat mostly the same thing every day and like it. Extremely sensitive to interactions with people. Weird body stiffness and posture habits I am still learning to release. I always hated my birthday, other birthday parties, and sleepovers. I'm a hands-on learner, and lectures are just noise. During recess I would ask if I could stay inside, and they would rarely let me, so I would hide somewhere outside and get in trouble for it. I was non-verbal until 4-years old to the point my family took me for hearing tests. My first word was "Parking Lot"... like I had to learn the entire english language before speaking it. And my favorite toddler toy was my father's turntable so he bought me my own child-size one. I get paid to work with media technology now. I sadly can not figure out how to date, and part of that is expressing the shutdown/meltdown sensitivity I have, and the rest is probs CPTSD from actual abuse. The possible ASD though makes me feel much better about who I am. I felt very odd and lost and now I feel like I am discovering "my people".
My mother criticized me terribly and picked on me for being sensitive “from the time I exited the womb”. She tried to bully it out of me I think. I’m 44 and really relate to most of these. Im diagnosed with ADHD and depression and anxiety. There is definitely more going on. I have always felt like an alien. So glad to have found your channel! Thank you
This is me! I am an extrovert but can get very overwhelmed and need lots of downtime. It is a balancing act.
As a DONM...with CPTSD and codependence made me think i had autism but it turned out the autistic traits were a trauma response
@@olenick9590 Interesting. I guess it really depends on whether the traits were present since birth (or otherwise very early) like @Saritabanana, which can indicate autism, or if it was acquired (not autism, since common knowledge is that you're born with it)
My heart goes out to you, as I know exactly how you feel, my mother did all those things and more, I am as far as I can tell not autistic, although maybe I am, I loved my own company, it was my safe place. I too are glad I found this channel. Having a real person telling us what we perhaps didnt know or didnt understand really is a weight off our shoulders, DRS JUST DIDNT GET IT especially during 1950's until 1990s and the constant just get over it, really wasn't helpful. Now all of us who have watched this video, can finally be ourselves and not feel we are odd, or weird, but a person with needs, just in a different way. I have thought recently that many many people are autistic in varying ways and don't know it. Take care of you and know you now not alone.
I have both Autism and ADHD. I don't know what quirk this one leans into more, but I have a tendency to take quite a bit of things with me. I get called a bag lady quite often because of it. I cart around things related to my hobbies and stuff. I'm in my mind twenties and I carry a stuffed animal with me when I'm out and about. I don't know why, but carrying just a few things that revolve around my interests makes me feel at ease. I don't know if this is just my own little thing or if other people do it too. I thought I'd share.
Thanks for sharing that! It’s not something I think I do, but my mother did. She was certainly neurodivergent, as was my father, but while I can easily see how my father could have been autistic or ADHD or both, I still can’t figure her out.
I do that when I travel -- I always bring a fiction book, a nonfiction book or magazine, and a knitting project. Knitting is an amazing socially-acceptable stim!
I get jokes made about how my bag is so heavy because of how much I have in it. There are bandaids, a mini sewing kit, scissors, lighter, screwdrivers, pens, paper, rocks, snacks, glue, and so on. 😆 I always say "You never know! I've needed each thing at some point."
I do too, and re-sorting my bag contents or pocket contents is really soothing for me and makes me feel prepared for dealing with being away from my "spot" (my seat at home where all my stuff is).
It may be interesting to also consider OCD compulsions. This can be part of ADHD/ Autism spectrum.
The organization one struck me. I don't really get into creating systems of organization for my things at home, but I love organizing-type tasks at work. Filing, labeling, even stuffing envelopes. I can't quite describe why I find it so satisfying. It just makes me feel calm and happy. Maybe because I can do it in a sort of bubble and shut out everything/everyone else around me for a while?
Maybe so!! Thanks for sharing
I'm 30 and still catch myself mumbling phrases under my breath until confident and only then speak at regular volume.
The other day I was brushing my teeth and caught my tongue getting in the way by unintentionally practicing the way I would introduce myself for an interview later in the day. "Hello, I'm Charlie. It's a pleasure to meet you'". TOOTHBRUSH STILL IN MOUTH.
If someone unexpectedly introduces themselves to me I flounder and don't know how to shake their hand without hours of practice. Even though I have met countless people throughout my life, the social dance of shaking hands and bouncing introductory conversation back and forth still eludes me.
That’s just called scripting rehearsal think of it like you are preparing for the role of acting in a movie
ADHD and BPD diagnosis here, I was always called sensitive and mature for my age, and was also placed next to the troublemakers to "discourage disruptive behavior," which never actually worked it just stressed me out. I would constantly ask to go to the nurse office to escape the boredom and stress of class. Couldn't stand group class activities and was also called "quiet" and "shy" even though I didn't identify with those personality traits at all, but in early childhood I got in trouble so often for hyperactive talking that I learned to quietly mask and make it LOOK like I was paying attention so I wouldn't get in trouble.
thanks for sharing your experience!
70 years old and I'm finallly FINALLY understanding me. and my 30 year old children. Joy! (but mourning for that confused little girl)
I recently rediscovered a video of me at age ~6 reciting a whole story by heart and then being really proud of myself in the end, so cute!!
We have impressive edectic memory to the point of it being almost photographic in particular areas
I am so envious of people who grew up with video cameras! I lost my mom a few years ago so not having her memory to draw upon and not having videos of myself as a kid makes me feel like I'm really at a deficit when I try to recall so much of my childhood (I guess I've apparently tried to block it out. 😕)
I taught myself to read and write, and play the piano - all at the age of 4. I was labelled as gifted and had so much pressure to always be the best at everything I did, that my stress, depression and lack of ability to create and maintain relationships was overlooked. When I stopped being top of the class, I became invisible to everyone, including my abusive mother, and that worked for me. I totally get it now, at age 40.
I can really relate. Age 4 I started playing tunes on the piano that I'd only heard sung to me (and I'd never played the piano before). I was labeled gifted and put in special classes age 12 for "Oxbridge" entrance candidates (Oxford and Cambridge universities). But by age 15 id fallen off the map, I was running away from home and school, behind in everything, and never even went to college. All due to an extremely abusive mother, who is very likely autistic herself.
I'm so amazed that with all these doctors who misdiagnosed, that NOT ONE OF THEM ever asked if I ate the same thing every single day. That is such a biggie !
ooooh good point!
Omg I was a "buffer kid". They literally put me with the kids that didn't pay attention in class, were always messing around etc so I could "buffer" them into behaving, etc.
I eat the same thing everyday and have somewhat of a routine. My mother always called me weird. Hate board games, but like cards. Hated high school but loved college.
This was so good! I related to a lot of that, especially being very hyperlexic. It was the 80s, though, so it went totally under the radar. I often was told that I couldn’t have read the material and to go back and read it again. It was very frustrating. For a long, long time I thought that my need for being alone, meltdowns, etc. were the result of being an only child and of having a traumatic childhood. Nope. It was definitely autism. Being an only child, though, gave me the space that I needed to be able to function. I am so grateful for my youngest son being diagnosed through the school IEP program because it was what really validated a lot of things for me.
glad the IEP program has been helpful for you! They have not recognized my son's clinically diagnosed autism through IEP and it's very frustrating to me :(
I regularly got detentions for not reading the material or being disruptive in class, when the truth was that I was bored to tears by how slowly everyone else was reading through the material, since I'd already finished reading it. I thought I found a solution for being disruptive by just taking out another book to read, but then I got a detention for not paying attention in class. I can definitely understand how frustrating that would have been, because I also experienced that kind of frustration - so much so that for a while, I kept skipping English class in order to avoid what I saw as a lose-lose scenario. If I was going to be punished for showing up to class, and for not showing up to class, not showing up seemed more sensible, as I could at least enjoy learning independently if I didn't show up.
@@MomontheSpectrum I can imagine. I actually fought my school district for 4 years trying to get my son an IEP or a 504 plan. It didn't happen for him until he started high school where we were dealing with a totally different set of people. It has not been without issues, though, because most of the spec. ed. aides quit this year leaving only the ONE spec. ed. teacher for all of the high school and also some of the middle schoolers.
Et you Brutus? Can we be friends?
So many of us Neurodiverse women are hyperlexic there are even actors that are very successful who have it
I watched over a hundred autism videos during Covid lockdown.
Wow! Yeah there are a lot out there. Hope you learned some helpful info! I've watched a lot too. :)
@@MomontheSpectrum Yes. My case manager (who used to do autism assessments) suggested that I was autistic. So I started looking into it.
Ditto on the solitude, I always enjoyed spending time playing by myself as a kid, playing pretend by myself more often than with anyone else, indulging in my hyperfixations, all that sort of stuff. Mold in my old house also caused early childhood asthma and later, seizures, whereas it didn't even affect my parents, my brother, or my grandparents and aunt who lived in the same area. I've also always had few friends instead of a bunch of friends. Back in junior high and high school, everyone else would play games with each other in recess after lunch, but I always preferred to just swing on the swings by myself (yes, both elementary school and junior and senior high kids in my school had recess, we just weren't allowed to use the plastic play area that was for the elementary school kids; small Christian school and all).
I wished as a Jr high and high schooler that I still had access to the playground of my elementary school. I loved the swings too, although I wished the chains were greased more often where they attached to the frame!!! But the elementary school was on the far side of town from the highschool.
Interesting!
I had a recent diagnosis - NOT autistic, NO ADHD. Yet, I have so many symptoms of both!
The psychologist said that my childhood abuse is likely a factor in creating my self-observed “symptoms”. That C-PTSD still affects me and my interactions with the world.
I’ve gone back to EMDR/CBT trauma therapies, to help deal with these “symptoms”.
I connect with your videos and resonate to many of your experiences. I’ve felt “lost” for most of my life, and the pandemic has further isolated, insulated me from social interactions.
Observing my grandchild’s response to the world (diagnosed autistic last year), makes me wonder if I was misdiagnosed. I don’t have body dysmorphia and other similar symptoms, but overall, I resonate with that child’s experience.
Thank you for your openness and vulnerability. I appreciate your videos.
You're welcome! Thank you for your comment.
I also have CPTSD from childhood trauma, plus anxiety/depression. Two of my children are ASD, one only ADHD, my spouse is ADHD, and my best friend was recently diagnosed ASD as an adult (she introduced me to this channel to help me understand my family, lol). While I am neurotypical, I firmly believe that the combo of anxiety/CPTSD has similar responses in the nervous system to ASD because our trauma creates hypervigilance, even more so in the developing brain of a child. Basically our nerves are always on and we get overstimulated quickly or need sensory relief like counter pressure. Social gatherings or new experiences may trigger a trauma response (aka meltdown), and keeping things the same everyday makes us feel safe. I came to this conclusion during the process of getting my oldest their diagnoses, while questioning whether or not I was also on the spectrum, but through therapy was able to pinpoint why I had certain behaviors down to almost the day/event they began. CPTSD can also trigger immune responses for the same reasons, stress. I have two autoimmune diseases plus a third related syndrome.
Take all I said with a grain of salt, of course, you know you best. I also realize I am responding to an old comment, but thought I'd leave my observation for anyone else in a similar boat.
@@mamazeta906
Thanks. It’s good to know that others are recognizing C-PTSD, along with ASD, ADHD, anxiety, etc.
Your children and you will all benefit from the diagnoses and support that often comes with being diagnosed.
Blessings!🥰
I’m 54 and wonder about proper diagnoses for myself. I got diagnosed with adhd by my family doctor last year and that has made a big difference. But I also wonder if I’m high-masking autistic and/or if I have C-PTSD. I have an ACES score of 6, so PTSD is a real possibility and I have read that there’s a lot of overlap in symptoms. Some days I wonder if a proper diagnosis would make any difference, as I understand now and feel validated that I am neurodivergent in whatever sense. Sadly, the only psychiatrist here who diagnoses adults is a complete misogynist and I won’t put myself through the torture of seeing him.
I was diagnosed at age 48. It has changed my life knowing there are other people who think like me. Who eat the same thing every day and feel good because they know exactly what is for breakfast. Who love people but just can not think of what to say to them and how to make friends. I spent most of my life in my head. Day dreaming was a way to escape to a world where I fit in.
Sounds like you belong here!
OMG, me too!
Mom here of 3 adult children. All 3 presented as happy, healthy, smart and well-behaved children in school so that even when I asked about things that I noticed, it was disregarded (laughed at) by doctors and teachers. All 3 kids started to struggle individually at different points, but all during the high school/college period. Had assessments done as adults on all 3 and all 3 were diagnosed with ADHD. I believe it's more. Your video just hit home. All these indicators are there in hindsight. And taking it one step further... I think they are there for myself as well. thank you for putting yourself out there. I will be following. xo
Hi Kelly. Thanks so much for your comment. My experience has been similar with my own personal journey. I have others videos that may be helpful including a playlist over the diagnostic process. Another website that may be helpful and has some online assessments in embrace-autism.com
Thank you
Until relatively recently, conventional psychiatric practice refused to consider that autism and ADHD could be co-morbid,. It turns out it's rather common for both conditions to coexist, and even to mask each other, making some of these people appear more typical than they are under the surface.
As a kid I would line up my toys before I played with them, I found it to be more enjoying to lay them on the ground and categorize them than to actually think of social situations. Whenever I did “play pretend” I would just be recreating things I saw on tv, read or actual experiences I have had that were successful/unsuccessful. I remember vividly the routines and mundane tasks I would have my characters do. I also remember that whenever I played with cousins and nieces they would change it up and I would express dislike for it, but then I would quickly adapt because I saw this as an opportunity to “copy” and “paste” their play behaviors into my own routine in an attempt to upgrade my playing style; they certainly were more creative than me so appreciated that even though they invaded my space, they helped become socially more aware.
I find it fascinating that from a young age I was observing patterns but and modifying my behavior to better suit my surroundings this was especially prevalent at school and with people I wanted to be friends. To be socially likable I became I adapted two personalities. At home is where I would have my mental meltdowns, the only place I felt I can truly express myself despite the constant emotional invalidation, the mask always came off at home.
As a teen I would lock myself hours in the bathroom just correcting failed social interactions and envisioning better ones. I would come home from school and just look forward to doing that to the point I even neglected my studies because the real world was just
too much for me. I didn’t know that back them that all that was adding to my anxiety and depression I was forcing myself to act normal by teaching myself how to do so behind close doors.
Now as an adult pursuing my ba in psychology I am gaining a newfound appreciation for being wired differently, I am no longer forcing myself to appear normal, I stim, I wear ear plugs, I create routines, I allow myself time to shut off for a day or two and not feel guilty about it.
If you read up to here, thank you ❤
I hope that in sharing my experiences I help people to have self-compassion for themselves and advocate for their needs and concerns.
It's so weird to me that lining up toys is something divergent. It just seems like the right thing to do. They look so nice lined up. You can see everything more clearly and it looks organized. It just makes sense!
All of the things you said: YES. Unfortunately, I was undiagnosed as a child (I am now 62.) Also, as a child, I could not STAND to be "stood over" by anyone, like my parents or another adult observing what I was doing by looking over my shoulder. I had to have privacy. I hated being singled out to be observed. My parents did not understand why I wanted my door closed when I was alone -- I was always asked "what are you doing that we can't see?" Nothing! I wasn't sneaking cigarettes or anything "naughty." I just wanted alone time. Even now, if I am showing another person how to do something -- let's suppose I was teaching you to knit -- you'd have to sit NEXT to me, not stand over me looking over my shoulder.
oh my god, I never really thought my weird obsession about privacy was connected to autism. I always have my door closed and locked since I was a kid to the point it's second nature to me to lock any door I enter. I even locked my own mother outside the house by accident once or twice and she would yell at me for always doing it to every door. I would hate anyone seeing anything on my laptop or phone screen even if I'm just staring at the background hoping to look like I'm busy. I can't do any work at school whenever a teacher or professor passes by. I instantly freeze and start panicking for no reason even if I am doing the work like they want me to. It's also the reason why I just do my work at home and bring it completely finished at the start of class cause it always felt like a waste of time if I can't do it during. Weirdly, another thing I can't do is play my music out loud or have anyone else hear it. It's so ridiculous that I can't even hum or sing where people can hear. All of this stuff just gives me a pins and needles kind of feeling when it happens.
Ahh how funny - I used to have crunchy peanut butter (because smooth is just so wrong) sandwiches EVERY day too. I used to add lettuce or cress or cheese, and other things (which didn't always work out...) sometimes but always crunchy peanut butter. It's my first time commenting here and want to say how much I love your channel - I am recently self-identified (been nearly a year) ASD & ADHD after a long journey (47 years old) and it's epiphany after epiphany. So happy to finally know myself - thanks for sharing your experiences
I ❤ crunchy peanut butter!
@@whitneymason406 I lived on it for so many years. I used to have it melted on toast to dip into soup (which is the greatest thing ever!)
Hi Matt! Thanks so much for your comment, and the shared love of crunchy peanut butter! So glad you're part of the community.
@@MomontheSpectrum Thankyou for the welcome :) So much of your content has been personally relatable for me, I should have commented before but the peanut butter thing - of all of the things that finally tipped me into commenting haha
1. I went through "gifted" testing in elementary school. I didn't get in probably because I didn't understand social cues and didn't understand questions the way I was supposed to. Was also called shy.
2. Group things in school were terrible. Can't remember specifics. Was a loner.
3. The best time growing up was when I was doing homework in my room. I was alone for hours. Best time as a married adult was being home alone where no one else was making noise and I couldn't get interrupted.
4. I had weird unexplained allergies? growing up and started getting migraines as a teenager. (Migraines went away after I moved out too. Interesting.) I have chronic illnesses now, as an adult.
5. confusion about parties - what you're supposed to do, how you're supposed to do it, how you're supposed to talk
6. I can't remember what I ate but I also didn't get much choice. I was given food.
7. Why don't NT people understand how difficult it is to keep relationships and navigate and maintain relationships? I keep being told well everyone else problems with that. Sure, but I don't understand it!
8. Finding new ways to organize all the books in our living room. New ways to put things in better places. My organizing is more - organic?
9. Reading was always better than lectures. I could keep up with lectures only if I was typing along on my laptop in college.
10. I definitely interacted with teachers more than students in high school and college.
Thanks for taking the time to share you experience here!
In Highschool I would have a sloppy joe, Fritos & a Pepsi - Every day. One day the snack bar didn't have the sloppy joe and I stood there silently freaking out because I just did not want anything else and they were out of Fritos as well! I didn't eat that day and I subsequently made a plan for what I would order if that happened again. I think it was nachos was the 2nnd choice. That was almost 50 years ago and I can still feel the anxiety I felt that day. I am 64 and am self diagnosed ADHD cuz all those boxes are checked. Now my kids think I am also on the spectrum because they have been diagnosed late in life as well. I never thought any of their idiosyncrasies were abnormal because I was that way too when I was young.
My eldest child had watched a video awhile back on autism and said, "Mom, I think you might be autistic." I have been watching a couple videos over the past few months and thought, no...I just watched your video and I have tears and can relate to so much that has been mentioned, including the bit about hyperlexia. One of my favourite bands as a kid was Supertramp, "Dreamer". I was always dreaming. Teachers would mention day dreaming on my report card routinely. I will have to look into next steps. Thank you. I also loved reading other comments. You all are very cool!
Well I’m so glad you’re here Nicki! You can find other resources that might be helpful on my website:
HTTPS://www.momonthespectrum.life
I'm so glad I found your channel. I've learned a lot already! I've pretty much self-diagnosed myself as on the autism spectrum and am currently working up the nerve to speak to my doctor about it. I've watched a lot of CZcams videos about how it presents in females and almost felt like I was slapped in the face with the realization that I could be autistic and never realized it until now at age 41. Keep up the great work on your videos. I can relate so much!
Thanks so much for your comment! And I can totally relate to the feeling of being slapped in the face with this realization! My initial concept of autism was all wrong. I've learned so much! Happy you're here.
A lot of general practitioners know little to nothing about autism so keep that in the back of your mind. If you are looking for a referral obviously you will have to talk to your general practitioner first. But if you are going to seek someone out on your own find someone who, at minimum, specializes in adult autism but preferably someone who specializes or is knowledgeable about female autism. I googled first to find someone who specifically mentioned diagnosing adult autism on their website and then called them to ask them if they had staff That was knowledgeable about how autism presents in females and they said they did. However finding someone on your own without a referral can be costly so you have to do your best to balance those things. Just be prepared that if you talk to a general practitioner they may be very dismissive and I don't want that to hurt your feelings or make you feel invalidated. Be insistent on getting a referral if you choose to speak to a GP first. Write down all of your symptoms and bring it to them and be prepared for them to possibly invalidate you just because they may not know much about "high functioning autism" in adults to begin with make less how it presents in females! That doesn't mean you don't have it It just means they are not specialists in what you need
@@NeurodiverJENNt I was thinking of that going in Monday to see my doctor. She listened to my concerns and gave me the number to mental health. I got into mental health yesterday and they pointed me in the direction of a psychologist as well as a few other phone numbers to reach out to. Our local mental health services only offer psychiatrists and they don't offer assessments for autism. Thanks for the heads up. I was bracing myself when I went to see my doctor thinking she'd dismiss my concerns. I'm not giving up.
I’m watching this shaking my head “yes” to so much of it. I’m finding it really difficult to get my doctors to even discuss autism with me. It’s a lot of “you’re in your late 40’s, you’ve made it this far, what does it matter now?” It absolutely matters!!
I am autistic and things are opposite for me than they are for you regarding #9. I learn what I hear better than what I see.
My daughter has so many of these traits. Butter pasta is her favorite. Everything as plain as possible. If my daughter has what she calls "a nervous breakdown" I hold her and give her a glass of water. That seems to help.
Sometimes water helps so much!
I was diagnosed at 41, two years ago, after being treated for anxiety and panic disorder for my entire adult life. I was a quiet, introverted kid, and probably, because I wasn't a disturbance in school, and instead of having meltdowns, my way of dealing with overload was to retreat and shut down, nobody noticed my issues. I could easily spend hours on end reading, organizing my collection of porcelain figurines, building stuff from cardboard or drawing "princesses" based on the stories from Greek mythology I read, because they were interesting. I didn't have many friends, and the few I had I was okay to meet mostly only at school, because I was most comfortable on my own. When my grandma died when I was 6, instead of seeking comfort from my parents, I went into my room, sat in front of the door to make sure no-one could come in, and processed it in my mind. Later, I used to run into a nearby forest to think and imagine a world of my own, every time I was anxious or upset. I still need my personal space, and can't function when someone watches me or comes too close. I wasn't a very picky eater as a kid, but certain foods were an absolute no-go, and there was a time when I preferred toast with nutella over everything else. And socializing with my peers was, and still is, really difficult to me.
I recently saw a picture of myself at 15 for my confirmation day. I was supposed to pose for the photo with roses in my hand, and in the photo I look to the side. I'm wearing a comfortable cotton dress which I wore for years after, because lace and frills were distracting and itchy, and I'm wearing a wristwatch, which is eerily similar to the one I wear now, almost 30 years later. Autism wasn't well-known in girls back then, but looking back, it feels crazy it took this long to diagnose me.
I was “antisocial” (as not wanting to socialise was clearly morally reprehensible) and “prodigious”. I’m 50 and high masking, but the lockdowns gave me space to see how hard it was and is for me to cope with “normality”. I relate to almost all of these. I have my assessment scheduled over May and June. Thank you for all you do!
This is a new concept to me and I'm trying to process. I always felt like something was wrong with me as a kid, it's like everyone else knew what to do, how to feel, what was going on, and I didn't. Some of my childhood quirks looking back. Before i could even read i would alphabetize our books because sesame Street taught me what order letters are supposed to be in. Later I was in a gifted school, very good reader and i would take pictures of things with my brain to recall later, so very visual but couldn't understand what teachers were saying. It was like the teacher on peanuts, just noises. I never knew what was going on, i was in my own world. Didn't like recess because i didn't know what to do with myself or how to interact with the other kids. I read encyclopedias and wrote reports for fun on all the countries with lists of the population and size and exports. Played piano, sang, drama etc. I got through middle and high school by just copying those around me. But i knew i was off and doing it wrong and worked really hard to appear as a normal person. Like i didn't know how to sit in a vehicle, what do you do with your hands and arms and feet? I tried to copy them but i still can't figure it out. Missed a LOT of school, dysmenorrhea mostly but then other trivial things. As an adult I was thinking maybe I was ADD but medication affected me very badly. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and told I had OCP. Had an unhealthy childhood home also we'll say adding a fun layer to my life. Tried to ask for help from parents because i felt like something was wrong with me but got none. No drs. Trying to process that now as an adult with more knowledge. A lot of mental health issues in my family I'm realizing. Now I struggle with my communication with my husband who is ADD, and have 3 teens diagnosed with ADHD and younger kids as well. My oldest son I'm now realizing also must be on the autism spectrum I'm sure. Very gifted and smart, but doesn't act "appropriately" in a lot of situations, talks a lot, hyperfocuses, struggles with social skills, really sensitive to clothing, light touch, "picky eater", always sick, gastrointestinal stuff, heart pain, sensitive to lights and sounds etc. Why has his Dr never suggested it? I'm completely overwhelmed and have family telling me to take depression medication. But i don't feel depressed i feel overwhelmed and i want people to leave me alone while i try to figure things out with my husband and kids. But they take my actions and behavior and say I'm depressed. Which is really distressing because my entire life is trying to not bring attention to myself and trying to behave appropriately and now my parents are calling me depressed because I'm not doing it right. Now i come across this and I'm shocked and feeling hopeful that maybe this can help explain and provide answers and maybe an understanding that can provide a path forward. I also hate my birthday. Hate it. Super stressful, I just cry. There's so much pressure. I want to feel loved and happy and special but then i don't. It never is a good day. I'm not happy with this comment because i can't edit it properly on my phone screen. But i can't talk to people so I'm putting it here anyway because i need to put this out in the universe.
I was diagnosed with adhd last year by my family doctor. About 20 years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I took meds for about 6 years. I probably never should have stopped. Perimenopause made everyone worse but then I started learning about neurodivergence in girls/women and realized it’s me! I couldn’t tolerate any of the ADHD meds because I can’t metabolize them properly so I would just get the side effects without any benefits. Had pharmacogenetic testing done that explained that. Their pharmacist recommended two combinations of drugs that might help. Unfortunately, out of all those meds, only one of them is something I can tolerate - and low and behold it’s the same one I took 20 years ago!! So I’m back on it and at a higher dose. It doesn’t work on dopamine like ADHD meds, but it does work on norepinephrine, and it seems to help with initiative and emotional regulation. If you can afford it, try to get pharmacogenetic testing done to see what you can tolerate. I now know why I can’t even tolerate much caffeine - I can’t metabolize stimulants and all of them plus tons of other psychoactive drugs give me motor side effects (eg, jaw clenching, twitches). It’s been so helpful to understand that!
@@halifaxeh I appreciate your comment. I'm very much the same way with medications. That is helpful information, thank you!
THE GAME OMG you talking about that game just unearthed my memory of being so very stressed out about a similar game when i was a child (like,, i was STRESSIN)
Yup, most of these, and they still apply today. I was diagnosed at 25, it's so crazy to me looking back how nobody noticed. I guess if you're not acting out (out loud), they think nothing is wrong
I never thought of myself as being on the spectrum. I watched this because my friends think that their daughter is. However I can relate to almost everything she said and to the comments she read. I'm often told that I think "outside the box" and come up with solutions.I even won awards for this when I worked for a large international company. I feel overwhelmed sometimes and need time to decompress. This video has made me think that maybe I should look into it more
I've always hated the idea of big birthday parties. I think I've had maybe 1 or 2 but having that many people was just too much for me.
Frequently reliving moments of excruciating embarrassment as though they were very recent, even if they were not, and dwelling on those memories and feelings and how I wish they would have gone.
Omg getting put in the "trouble maker" group! Or if kids were talking during class the teacher would move them next to me because I didn't talk. Ugh!!
Our group game at school was red rover. It was a horrible time lol. I liked to hide during recess too.
Red rover is THE WORST
I relate to everything on your list other than food, clothing, and sickness. I've always preferred my own company rather than socializing, and I'd rather stay home than attend social events. Everyone called me a snob or aloof. I relate to your entire . I've felt misunderstood since I was a teen because I didn't conform to traditional, socializing norms, but it wasn't until I read Susan Cain's book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts," that my life changed. Most of your list describes introvert traits. It was a revelation to learn I was normal, and it's acceptable to want to be alone and quiet. I maaaay be neurodivergent but I'm an introvert first.
I was a climber, spent a lot of time in trees just watching the world go by.
I was profoundly "shy" as a child in school and I never spoke in class. My teacher at the time was concerned and I ended up being sent to a child psychologist in grade 3. This has been very eye opening for me. Thank you for everything that you do.
I can relate to the many mentioned traits of autism as I was born with Asperger's. "Very" picky eater and I remember one of my third grade reports cards mentioning that I should participate more in class discussions but I was overly shy to the point I dreaded be called out to participate in front of the class.
oh my gosh the personal bubble thing!! yes!! the time when people were actually maintaining a 6ft distance was genuinely relieving.
I sometimes also deliberately did not take my sports clothing with me at school because I hated not knowing what we were gonna do that day and also losing sleep with things like you mentioned, it freaked me out
im an autistic content creator and this video really hit the nail on the head
thanks alyssa!
The same food every day for me when I was little and for both my girls. Very plain, brand specific. Tags on clothes, seams on socks, scratchy jumpers. I’m 56 and so was just seen as a spoilt brat who was totally indulged by my mum with the food thing. So grateful for the wider understanding now. Although I only understood the truth about me and my older daughter (28) when researching my 11 year old. That was some AHA moment. ♥️
I was lucky that my mom was also a very picky eater as a kid, so she never made us eat anything we didn’t like. She thought I was just picky too, but when I got older I realized it’s sensory more than taste. I still can’t tolerate certain textures though I do eat a wide variety of foods and enjoy very flavourful foods… mushrooms and most fish just make me gag! So glad I was never forced!
Girl, round Tostitos are THE BEST! - legit can never find them tho 😩
Your thing with the slide kind of reminded me of my thing with swings in elementary school and younger. The swings were my safe spot from the loud rough and tumble play of the other kids that I didn’t care for or want to be a part of. They were also like a drug to me because they’d make me feel practically euphoric and like I was flying. But, unfortunately, I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it at that time. It frustrated at least one of my teachers and some of the other kids but, for once, I didn’t care.
I think the other one I could relate to the most is feeling like I could relate to my teachers better than the other kids. The other kids lived in a world that I didn’t even understand the first thing about at that time-partly because I came from partial isolation and abuse when I was eight-and that of the teachers made 10x more sense to me. As I’ve grown older, the opposite’s become more the case. I no longer jive with the old-fashioned conservative world of most of the elderly and can relate to almost anything else better now.
Sit in solitude and watch the trees. Yes! I levelled that up and moved to the forest. It’s my calming / decompressing place.
Hyperlexia, yes! I was a toddler when Sesame Street was new, they taught me to read before I started school. (Pre-K didn't exist in the early 1970s.) I remember as a kindergarten kid, reading to groups of first graders. I'd take a book with me to recess, sit under a shady tree & read. In fifth grade or so I read my Science textbook cover to cover for fun in the first couple of weeks, then got mad when we didn't get to the end that year.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's not too long ago, as an adult, and just like you I'm re-discovering myself all over again. I can agree with so many of these things... but there are also some differences.
Up until I was 8, I was a social butterfly. If a new kid was introduced in my class, or appeared in the park right next to my house, I would be excited to meet them and play with them. When my parents grounded me and didn't permit me leave the house and visit the park, I would be sad. It's strange, because even though I was considered a ''crazie'' by my peers, I still didn't care and enjoyed company. I was only shy when it came to older kids and adults (except if the adults were family or teachers), that's when I felt anxiety. After 8, I started spending more and more time alone.
However, despite being pretty social, that didn't mean I had good friendships. First and second grade was fun, until third grade happened and kids scattered and started to make groups and cliques, and I couldn't fit in. Mainly because I preferred to play instead of talk (not that I was non-verbal, I just... dismissed anything that wasn't about the games I was playing). Speaking of avoiding talk, I had a friend in first grade who was my best friend, and she didn't speak. She wasn't mute, she just never talked except when it was to our homeroom teacher, but she would whisper to her (selective mutism perhaps?). Our classmates would not play with her due to the lack of communication, but despite that, I really enjoyed my time with her. We were glued to the hip, we did all things together- even though the only times I could understand her was when she nodded or disagreed with her head.
you are a kind soul
I loved it when the teachers gave us a syllabus or wrote the homework assignment on the board before I got to class. It gave me something to do while I was in there so that I didn't have to sit there and listen to the lecture.
I was expecting 1-9, but hadn’t heard someone mention hanging out with the teachers.
So- Just realized, ‘Oh my goodness, this is why by the time high school rolled around, I was on a first name basis with nearly all of my teachers, VP & P.’
Thank you for including that, still gathering info stage myself, so that one really helped.
Nice to know I wasn’t the only one chilling with my teachers by choice.
definitely not the only one! teachers are the coolest. :)
I'm still doing the Embrace Autism assessment. I've been at it since January. I'm grateful for how this assessment allows me to go at my own pace. So grateful. I'm so close to being done. I'm hoping by next month. Thanks again for the recommendation.
Oh this is so great to hear! Would love to hear more updates as you continue. I have not personally been through this experience with Embrace Autism and would love to know more if you're willing to share.
@@MomontheSpectrum it's been nice to go at my own pace. It's a 3 step process. The first process is to answer the 13 questionnaire and take the 6 psycho metric tests then submit all that and wait 6 weeks or less. After that, if one is likely autistic, they get an online interview with the Dr. Then the third step is optional if one needs another Dr signature (in case some places outside of Canada don't accept/recognize the assessment from Canada). At least that's my understanding of it. I'm still on the first process but so close. Just the last two tests and then I send it all off ans wait.
I've enjoyed it because I get to take it at my own pace in the comfort of my home. But on the other hand it means I'm dragging it out much longer and sone of the technological stuff makes me panic and freeze for awhile. But all in all it's been a good experience.
@@andreaharmon8931 thank you for this comment, i didn’t know this was an option and am now looking into it. thank you :)
@@abigailrichards2478 you're welcome! Taylor has mentioned Embrace Autism lots of times in her videos. Back in January I decided to look into after she mentioned in a video that it's an autistic doctor who does assessments.
It's been very convenient for me but be prepared to spend lots of time on it.
I recommend writing down all your memories and traits that could indicate autism. You'll be using them in the assessment.
@@MegsAdventureDiary wow. Thanks for sharing. It's nice to hear from someone who has completed the assessment.
I was hoping to be directed/guided in a therapist as well. Someone who specializes in late adult diagnosis with autism and ADHD.
I highly suspect ADHD as well. Does Natalie also see if there are co morbidities that someone could be dealing with? I think she does but I can't recall.
I experienced the same thing with group tasks and I was always paired with “bad students”. I think the teacher was just trying to find a way to legitimately pass students who shouldn’t have passed. I had an algebra class where every assignment was handled by a group. I complained to the teacher that I was the only one in my group doing the actual assignment and he just laughed and told it statistically worked. Of course,it statistically worked because your essentially erase the bad students.
Love organizing things by color, subject, and alphabet. Went into an used art store and organize art pencils by color or grocery store items.
There is a book from my education classes. “Multiple Intelligencies”
It says there are many ways we can be intelligent even if is not the same as a public schools determination.
An example, Michael Jordan, is gifted when it comes to spatial awareness. He knows how his body moves in space. Our best poets are gifted with words, rhythms. Scientists are gifted with numbers. etc.
I was the weirdo but I never WANTED to be like or do the things they did so I didn't feel left out or worry about fitting in. I think that was a blessing. Sometimes teachers tried to "fix" me but I didn't feel broken so .. at school I played with the little kids and taught games, pushed swings.. at home my best friend was our 80 year old neighbor who I cooked and read with. I am still an over organizer .. or as I say, put it where it belongs everything has a home. ❤️
I have all of the same traits as you. I couldn’t stop thinking of myself through the whole video
👋
Yes - hyper awareness of discomfort in my body! I always felt awkward when I had a party and invited kids from different settings, like the neighborhood, school, and church, all together. I couldn't attend to all of them abd was miserable.
I had difficulty navigating all relationships.
I still have to take notes. And I interacted with my teachers, not peers.
I need to wear comfortable cloths and have to remove the tags.
I always had a fantasy world going in my head!
Even wants to CZcams short many years ago that sticks with me. The girl says I got diagnosed with autism at 15 and was told that is young for woman
Thank you. Our daughter was just diagnosed at 17 yrs. So many ohhhh moments looking back now at her as a child and baby. I wish we'd clued on sooner to help her better. She's amazing and I'm so proud of her
Aw this comment makes me so happy. Here is a quick video I made regarding next steps that might be helpful to you both: czcams.com/video/nQnvLKrFDkU/video.html
Better late than never - diagnosed at 57. At first I was concerned but then I relieved, because it explains so many things. It put the puzzle pieces together for me.
N.9 makes so much sense. At school when we were asked to write feedback for classes I always wrote that we need some visual reference. Now I know why it was so hard to rely on the teacher's lectures alone.
I was always the teacher's pet. I think the preference for teachers over peers is in the fact that most teachers will reward you and be complimentary for being yourself, while the students are much more unforgiving. I had this one teacher in 6th grade that I absolutely loved. I would even go hang out with her when I wasn't in her class, and even kept in touch with her after I moved up to middle school. My younger brother (he has hyperactive ADHD) was in her class several years later, and they were like oil and water. When I asked her about it years later, she said she thought that it was because she expected him to be more like me. I was a great student, and my brother couldn't have cared less about school.
I was sick a lot in school too. I do believe that stress had a lot to do with that fact.
I am on the spectrum.
I never could navigate the politics of the other girls. In elementary school,I played with the boys a lot at recess because it was a more straight forward concept. I liked the things that the boys did for fun....like tether ball or football.
I noticed toward the end of the video that I had been smiling through the whole thing. It was nice to feel seen, heard, and understood because even though I haven't been officially diagnosed, you basically described my childhood. Thank you for presenting autism in a fun, loving, and informative way. :)
Hi heather! This comment made me smile, too. Glad to be spreading smiles together!
Wow! I only started watching autism videos because my granddaughter and possibly my son is autistic. I have a lot of autism experiences
Four square, jump rope, or alone time on the swings is all I remember from recess! Oh, and sitting in the grass and finding four leaf clovers or pulling apart blades of grass