4 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married | The Financial Diet
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2024
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Cost of US Weddings Reaches New High as Couples Spend More Per Guest to Create an Unforgettable Experience, According to The Knot 2016 Real Weddings Study:
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Here's How Much the Average Wedding Guest and Attendant Spend: www.theknot.co...
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The One Part of Your Wedding You Should Never DIY:
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6 Ways Social Media Is Changing Wedding Planning: www.marthastew...
How Debt Can Destroy a Budding Relationship:
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I’ve never met a bride who regretted having a smaller intimate wedding but I’ve met countless that wished they spent less and had a less extravagant wedding.
Katie Pecotich well you should meet my mother then xD
She regrets having a small party...
this confuses me :p
I had a small civil service...regret it.
And those weddings are mostly about the event and not love. It's cruel how the world turned it about having the perfect day...
We had 35 guests at ours. I wish we'd had maybe 10, and then thrown a picnic for maybe 30 guests. The whole process is making too big a deal about the wedding, and not enough emphasis on the marriage.
My mom wishes she could have had larger weddings. When it comes to her first two marriages, the extra planning might have kept her from marrying people she shouldn't have. And when it came to my stepdad, well, he was dying of cancer and it would have been nice not to have to get married really quick.
Such an important video. So many people get pressured into things they can't afford because people tell them "the wedding is NOT for the bride and groom, it's for the guests" which I find entirely offensive.
Not entirely true. You invite guest which makes you a host. Therefore you care for them and their needs. You want them to be comfortable and enjoy themselves. The ceremony is for the couple, the reception is for the guest. Can you guess which is more expensive?
After declining being in a friend's wedding due to the cost, I instead helped decorate the settings and serve at the reception. The bride was understanding and grateful for my willingness to still be part of her special day.
Lauren Schexnider awww that's really neat honestly this is the best comment
Great to know that some people aren't so petty about these kinds of things. God forbid my girlfriend decline a wedding for a cousin. She'd be excommunicated from the family!
Lauren Schexnider i'm glad the bride is a good and wholesome friend. Unfortunatly, for some, it's an insult that you aren't willing to go broke for them.
Makes me very sad, that guests have to spent so much money to attend a wedding. If I ever get married none of my guests will have to spent a single cent. If I invite them I will pay for everything. It might be a small affordable party, but everyone will enjoy themselves without going into debt.
@@mariemai2902 Good on you :) Love that ideology.
I'm an Episcopal priest and I tell couples that the only thing needed is the couple, witnesses, and an officiant. Everything else is extra.
Tom Sramek, Jr. God included 🙃
God's gonna be there whether he got the invite or not XD
Tom Sramek, Jr. Very well said. But Americans just go overboard with being sold an extra bag of good for Weddings.
Two people and God are all that is truly needed. Everything else is crap
This is exactly how we did it and I regret nothing.
1. You can always say "no" 2:44
2. How much brides are prevented from seeing the price of things 6:14
3. Social media only adds to the pressure 8:03
4. How much budgets are routinely blown up 10:48
Jess Geeregat +
Thank you!! @Jess Geeregat
Thanks so much
Much appreciated time stamps 🙂
You da real MVP!
17 years ago, my wife and I were planning a simple ceremony.
The guest took it upon themselves to invite other people, and to make plans on our behalf.
So we cancelled the wedding. Went and got married JP style.
And then a month later, we hosted a special dinner at a restaurant.
Announce that we had gotten married and use that this is a wedding reception.
It was simple cheap to the point, and we're still married 17 years later.
"It's not about how perfect it looks on Instagram." So true, Chelsea!
We ended up cancelling our post-civil service reception entirely after my in-laws ballooned the guest list from 50 people max to over 200 people, mostly without our knowledge since they were hosting the party at their house and they lived out-of-town. 90% of that guest list was made up of my now-husband's family and family friends, most of whom I hadn't even met. So, when we learned that his mom had been secretly inviting people to this casual backyard barbecue and that I would have only three people (including myself) from my side of the family there, we scrapped it. It was something that I never wanted and I don't regret doing it.
Chae Howard good for you because that sounds like a panic attack in the making for me 😂
Chae Howard Damn, You had me baffled from a moment. I Think, that it is really admireable for You to stand up to them. It is your special day - NOT your in-law's.
Greetings and blessings from Denmark.
Wtf! Good for you guys. It's your day not theirs.
😳😳😳😳😳, I wish many had the guts to stand up to in laws. But good for you. I know lots of people that regret letting others manage their special day.
Respect for parents (including in-laws) is great and necessary. But it's a 2-way street... Going behind your back, especially to such an absurd extreme, is downright disgraceful. I hope your relationship with them is fine, but I'm glad you settled it.
Ways I cut cost:
Went with a simple menu, one meat, one starch, and salad.
Got my dress on sale
DIY decorations
Instead of renting transportation, I used Uber Luxe
Skipped the bridal party, We only had a maid and matron of honor with 2 best men
My maid and matron of honor rented their dresses from rent the runway
We only had a one tier cake made for me and the hubs to cut into and keep, we got cupcakes for our guest from our local grocery store
We DID NOT give away favors
We made our own invitations at Staples/hobby lobby and save the dates from Walgreens
Our venue let us bring in our own bartender so we bought our own alcohol from Sams Club
My husband bought a 3 piece and shirt Ralph Lauren suit instead of a tux from Macy’s on sale for $350...men’s warehouse wanted to charge $800, meanwhile my husband can re-wear the suit to work events
Things I would not skimp on:
Photographer- I’ve seen some bad weddings look amazing in photos with the right photographer
Hair and Makeup artist-I am a former makeup artist, but there are entirely too many things happening the day of the wedding to focus on perfecting these 2 very important things
DJ-we almost put songs on a dis but realized a DJ makes the crowd get out their seats!
Venue-can make or break the flow of the wedding, should also be accommodating to older ppl in wheelchairs, have parking, etc.
Hope this helps!
ash rob this is so helpful!
Bailey Queensland thanks!
You can also skip the "save the date". it's an unnecessary expense. you can just send the wedding invitation the day you would send the save the date. It wouldn't make any difference
What is a rehearsal dinner and what is it good for?
Claudia Garcia Mera you DONT have to do this, but it’s usually a dinner the couple host for the bridal party the night before the wedding (after wedding rehearsal) as a thank you so to speak, but again you don’t HAVE to do this?
I am a happy, single young woman with no clue if I’ll ever get married. But I’ve got to save this video and then remind myself to watch it if and when I do ever get engaged.
I think we should note that saying no is more or less difficult depending on what culture you come from. Different cultures create more or less pressures around weddings - so if you are from for example a Pakistani tradition, an Indian tradition, a Somalian tradition or a South Sudanese tradition (just to name a few) - saying no is practically not an option.
From the title of the video, "4 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married," I thought it would feature financial advice for married couples like setting financial goals, life insurance, etc. I would have titled this video "Don't Overspend on Your Wedding."
licoreen I agree
That is a video I would love to see, too!
Yeah i agree. Still interesting. But would love to see a video about sharing money as a married couple
Alot of people already live their partners and have gone threw tjat
licoreen same here but considering this woman has only just gotten married maybe she doesn’t have enough experience for that yet?
I agree with most of your points, but for me the wedding hash tag was the equivalent of disposable cameras on the tables. We got to search the hash tag after the wedding and see photos of our guest just having a good time. It was never about vanity or wanting to show off.
Iamso4u that’s actually really sweet!
I thought that was the whole point
Being in a wedding is so expensive! I'm in 2 in the next year, I'm honored to be in them but im bracing myself financially.
like as a bridesmaid? I mean I'd so be a bridesmaid. But I have no friends.
Elliott Miller im a maid of honor in one, bridesmaid in another
Aw man. Welp I hope you aren't doing anything you can't afford but that also sounds exciting.
Why is it so expensive to attend a wedding? Here in Germany you buy a dress (~50-100€), you buy a present (~50-70€ per person) and then you attend the wedding. I personally have 3 dresses I've worn to several weddings over the years. One is luxurious-elegant, one is flowery (sommer wedding!) and one is plain navy, that can be accessorized. Normally the friends don't know each other or they won't remember your dress. People share cars to drive to the wedding and drive back home together. When you are very close with the bride or groom you might attend their "single life fare well" party event (hen day?, don't know what you call it, here it's "Jungesellen-/Jungsellinnenabschied"). That's usually also between 50-100€. The last one I attended was having a nice meal, doing Karaoke, driving a limo and partying in a Salsa-Club. (Meal: 30€, Karaoke: 15€, Limo (shared with 12 girls) 40€, Salsa-Club (free entry + 2 drinks): 15€). You don't have to break the bank.
Sanne WorkInProgrezz That sounds nice! Well... Maybe in the US people spent a lot on flight ticket to travel to the venue? I'm not so sure myself but I do know that some culture, for example, Japan, has a tradition of gifting the bride and the groom with a large sum of money when you attend their wedding. That's also the reason why some couples don't invite students to their wedding. Even though they are close, they don't want to burden students to pay for such thing.
I didn't have a wedding. We are introverts and also would rather travel. I also got a home instead. This is why we don't have rings either. I talk so much about my hubby that it is pretty obvious that I'm married.
Judy Dollins exactly!
A P They do sometimes, mostly the family that ask. I guess friends when they first notice. I just let them know that we spent it on a house instead and they nod. I actually ended up buying a 6dllr ring from an app call top hatter. I looks legit hahah, but I dont really use it. I am not a fan of rings.
normally when I tell them about the other things we have they stop judging.
Lindy Ichihara I like that. That's a great idea. I'm gonna show this to my boyfriend to see what he thinks.
My fiance couldn't care less about gem stones or how much I spent on a ring. What she does care about is The Legend of Zelda (as do I). So I bought her a ring (with a real, lab-made diamond, actually) that has the Hylian Crest on either side of the stone. She loves it and I didn't even break $100.
Great video. I feel like this kind of message is chronically underrepresented in... well... life.
Angel Bob That’s so cute!
A guy in my DnD group's wedding ring is a simple stainless steel ring with triforces on it. He has a bunch of spares in case he ever loses one because they're just $10 online.
That’s so awesome! Now I want to see the ring 😀
Mayra Arreola www.etsy.com/listing/456118140/video-game-two-tone-color-triforce
Angel Bob soooo pretty!!! 😍
*Engagement Ring Advice: Stay in school and don't do diamonds, kids.*
but please dont use the "dont mention the word wedding" for your photographer.
weddings are BIG events, long hours and high pressure. please value their work, and understand their prices may raise for weddings, and thats cause they're WAY more work than just a regular event or photoshoot.
100% correct. The process for a wedding is totally different than a family photo shoot or party.
But I guess it’s hard to hide it’s a wedding for your photographer 😝
Matilda Lundin you'd be surprised the amount of people who pretend it's just a party. Also don't do it for your caterer or venue either
I was once a helper for friends who are wedding photographers and it was sooo exhausting, I mean, we started at 04:00 in the morning to drive there, then the church, carrying the heavy 10k worth equipment around, waiting, being present in every moment, catching every moment, pictures, OMG, at 6 p.m. I was done, I was sleeping while standing and the photographers kept on going and we drive home at 3:00 in the morning. I said to myself that whatever happens, I will never be a wedding photo/video Grapher, not even for a day, again. 😂😭
I thought that wasn't a smart move either. If you say that, it may cost more due to the unexpected pressure. This applies to catering too. Catering a wedding versus a event is totally different. There's a certain level of quality you have to meet for a wedding. Otherwise the couple will just be disappointed.
Some of the quality of food may increase, but most of it I can imagine will be presenting quality. Using chafing dishes with lit candles instead of a roaster or crock pot. Things like that.
Loved. Every. Word. At the tender age of 46 I finally met and aged 47 agreed to marry the most amazing man. I just turned 48 and we have decided we'd prefer to run away and do it quietly then come back and have a party, with no mention of the word 'wedding' when booking the venue. He did the big show with his first wife 20+ years ago, enjoyed it, but aside from anything else I hate being the centre of attention and could do without the stress of it all.
I'm really sorry to hear that weddings are so stressful for many people. My wife and definitely experienced stress, but we love that we had a big wedding. We loved our center pieces. We loved the bridesmaids matching dresses (and the groomsmen's matching rental tuxes). We loved having the pictures all over social media so that the celebration could extend beyond the day and beyond the limited number of people the room could accommodate. When we look back on the pictures, we don't see decisions we had to make because of other people's expectations. We look back on what we decided because we wanted it. You just have to be open and honest about what you want and what you can afford and then live within your means.
While you're talking about huge (and frankly scary) major milestones, do you think the channel will ever do videos on safely financing a home/how to pay off the mortgage in not 30+years? I've been watching TFD for a few years now and haven't seen much except some discussion on renting/versus buying, so I apologize if I've missed videos already addressing this! In my friend and family group it seems home ownership is this wonderful achievement that then takes a hold of the rest of your life. Maybe I'm still young enough (24) to be optimistic and think it doesn't have to be that way? TFD is an opinion I trust, so I'd love to hear your take on it if possible! Keep up the great work ladies!
Monica S yes! ++++++
yea! I think the producers of this channel thought that with all these tips we get, we'll manage to somehow save money by now and pay a bigger chunk of the mortgage. i think it's ridiculous to pay for a house in 30+ years. there are so many things that can happen in just a week, let alone in 30 years - the cost of owning a house should go down. the current prices are insane.
++++
I highly recommend Money Girl Podcast!
Monica S totally agree! They need to bring someone on who discusses this! I’m a millennial with a mortgage and I need tips on finances and homeownership. The ladies of TFD are renters in NY, very much NOT the norm of the country.
I couldn’t care less about my ring. But I did care about the food and music. I wanted to eat well and dance. I didn’t care much at all about transportation. We took a car service back in the day. I got married before hashtags. Thank God.
Love this - thank you for promoting unconventional weddings and doing it your way.
While I am not planning on getting married anytime soon, I just wanted to stop by and say how awesome this channel is and that it has been enourmous help to getting my finances in order. Thank you and I wish for you to have a beautiful ceremony.
i thought the main idea behind wedding hashtags was to make it easier for guests to share pictures with the newly weds. i never saw the whole excebitionist aspect, but I guess you're not far off about that, considering how much some people share online and rely on social media for validation.
I'm currently planning my own wedding, and keeping costs as low as possible is definitely a factor! And what I'm discovering is I can totally have my 'dream' wedding without spending too much by planning early (it's not before late last year), being honest about our budget, taking things into my own hands (after all, I know best how I want to spend my money) and focusing on the 'experience' itself and not the material aspect of it. You're totally right about focusing on what's meaningful - I've been to a lot of weddings and I don't remember one single fancy cake or table decorations, haha. But having a wedding was important to me, because I wanted a reason to bring people around me together that's all about celebration and being happy about something; the last times I've seen all my aunts and uncles together have all been funerals...
Like yours, my wedding will be intimate, with close family and friends only; I found a beautiful venue and focusing on the natural decor rather than buying decorations; I'll be renting my dress for a fraction of the price of the same gorgeous dress but new; we're making a free website instead of printing invites; and instead of wedding gifts, I'm asking my friends and immediate family to help with the skills they have - my sister to do my make up and my best friend to do my hair, other people helping with the food and music, etc. It'll be a really lovely party and I'm excited!
As for the things I do still need to shop for, I'll definitely remember your tip about avoiding the word 'wedding' and talking about a 'celebration' instead!
I got married recently and something that really helped us was to both write down the 5 things that actually mattered to us. These were the things that we would be willing to spend more on to get something we loved/ valued versus the million extraneous wedding things that we really didn't care that much about. This really helped focus our wedding and was a good launching off point for budgeting our wedding. While doing everything as budget friendly is great, it's still a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event that should at least get a little extra love :)
Elope. You'll save a lot of money.
I have been saying this for years hahahahahahah great idea!
Lol
It’s true that my wedding cost twice as much as our original budget, but considering our original budget was AUD $2000, I’m still extraordinarily proud of myself. My husband and I knew we wanted to move overseas, so got married after 16 years together to make emigration easier (and because we love each other and stuff). We knew that our wedding would essentially be the last big get together before we left. We were very lucky in that we got two big budget items as gifts: our flowers and our photography. I think it’s important to note that we did not ask or expect our friends to do those things for free, and would have gladly paid for them if we had to. Our wedding florist friend and our wedding photographer friend both offered their services in lieu of a gift. I am an artist and have a number of silversmith friends, so I did put a general call out on social media to see if someone wanted to make our jewellery in exchange for a piece of art, and one of my friends took me up on that, and it’s possibly one of the best decisions I made. I now have several pieces of handmade jewellery that remind me of my friends around the other side of the world as well as my wedding. I did pay money for the cost price of the gold in my ring, but all the silver and labour was paid for with a piece of my art that my friends love. Other money saving things we did: booked a venue that we had full control over. We were able to bring in our own food, staff and decorations. Both our parents insisted on paying for something, so we “let” my parents pay for serving staff (friends and family with experience) and my mother-in-law paid for our choice of cake and desserts. We brought in our own alcohol: wine we bought months earlier at a huge discount from a wine club, and beer and soft drinks bought locally when we saw them on sale. Similarly, cheeses were purchased and delivered by a cheese club, and I prepped and cooked all the other food (fruit platters, several salad dishes, a few things that needed simple reheating, some fish dishes to be eaten cold and a number of large fishes to be baked whole on the day). I made all my own invitations (I’m a printmaker, after all. Honestly, this bit was the most important to me...) and thank you cards, and I also made my own dress. I worked in an art supply store and took full advantage of my discount to buy paper as tablecloths, and all the supplies needed for the invitations and other stationery. We bought all our dinnerware, cutlery and serving ware from thrift shops then donated it back after the wedding. My mother-in-law thought I was crazy and couldn’t imagine how everything would get done. She made a point of calling afterwards and saying how brilliant it all was. Long story short: it’s hard work, but don’t believe people when they try and say you can’t pull something like this off. It’s just a big party, after all.
Oh, and my husband wore his wedding suit to a job interview before we even had the wedding. Totally got the job.
You go girl! This was so inspiring to read.
$35,000 for a wedding is insane! We spent $10,000 with 200 people and it was a perfect day.
The Budgeting Wife I’m not dating right now but would like to have a wedding without breaking the bank. How did you do it?
Bubbleyumizchewi17 I thought through what was important to me and spent money there and knew that I’d have to sacrifice other areas. We did an outdoor wedding in the summer, which was a cheaper venue than an indoor ballroom. And we did some southern bbq for food. It was only about $10 a person! My dress was on sale at David’s bridal, my friend made my cake, and my photographer was new to the business so we got him for an amazing price! A lot of small things and people helping us on other ways really helped us to save money!
We also did our best not to spend money on things we or our guests wouldn’t remember anyway (centerpieces and the plates they ate on-for example).
That is absolutely insane 😮
I had a very cheap wedding, rented a community gym, friends brought casseroles of yummy homemade food, waters and pop. We walked down the “aisle “ and had the ceremony there too. My now husband bought the cake from the bakery he worked at. My dress was bought from a clearance rack which cost $70 and had to loose 10 lbs.😂 also, at the reception had a dj..... ten years later, I have wonderful memories and honestly that day I felt loved and very happy. And also we were able to comfortably buy an apartment. I, just like any woman did not ever wore my wedding dress ever again.
The Budgeting Wife 17 years ago we spent under 6,000. Had a vintage dance party, OVER 200 people in an art deco ballroom at a local Polish restaurant and ballroom. Buffet instead of “served”, cash bar downstairs, and still had live music for dancing. Mena and women came in their vintage attire, I wore a second hand rag timey era gown..ivory crepe de chine- which I had already worn once. Of course, it was different in that , tho a first marriage for us both, my husband and I were both older (55 and 39). Both parents contributed something as a wedding gift. I did not have attendants since every woman there was a bridesmaid! My husband and I DID have a local jeweler/artist make our rings and we did discuss the price of everything., Perhaps this was partly our age. Everyone still talks about our beautiful wedding (which was in 2001) as being one of the most pleasant they had ever attended. We had no professional photographer, disposable cameras on each table, and we encouraged friends who liked to take pictures to take them. I hand drew our invitations and programmes. Until my husband died, he and I often reflected on our beautiful wedding and would always get weepy, remembering how special it was.
My husband is an event planner and just knowing not to say the word "wedding" saved us so much money!
Honestly, as someone who’s invited to multiple weddings, I’ve only ever sent gifts because almost all the weddings I’ve been invited to are out-of-state and I simply cannot afford beyond a gift and bringing my date with me.
Precisely why my SO and I have decided to simply do a courthouse wedding. We've come very far financially and aren't willing to blow it over a large party when we'd rather just have the two of us (and maybe parents) anyways. The goal is to never take on debt again if it's not a house payment, and that average wedding cost is a third of the house down-payment we're saving up. Totally not worth it for us, at least. Save those big costs for the things that really matter to you (although if a large wedding IS one of those things, knock yourself out).
Sometimes it feels so lonely to be planning a wedding with 50 guests and many other "bare minimum" elements. It's so refreshing to hear someone talks about the robbery that is the wedding industry.
I just got engaged. This video is absolutely what i needed to see right now. It is a good reminder that i do not need to spend thousands of dollars to get married. An extravagant wedding will not insure a happy marriage. It is important to recognize that we're getting married because we love each other. Plus I'd rather save and put that money towards a house! Thanks TFD!
I'm here like "yes, yes, yes, yes!" all my married cousins made the huge party, even the ones with economical problems, years later they are living either with their parents, a rented place or a place bought by their parents... They don't have the position to pay for independence, but there was no problem trowing a big event with lots of unknown people
Celia Maldonado what is wong with renting for a while.
There's nothing wrong with renting for a while, i did that for four years. But my cousins haven't been renting for just "a while", it's been more than ten years, the same place, that's a lot of money that they will never see again. Plus "settling", and spending thousands in a party, instead of invest it on a place of their own, that i see it as wrong. My point of view of course.
but it is common that renting is cheaper than mortgage
DiaGry not necessarily but even it were 20-ish years from now you'll be owning a place, whereas if you keep renting in 10, 15, 20 years you could be kick out of the place or keep paying the same (or more) amount of money FOREVER
Rent where you live and own what you rent out
I want a small wedding too! However I am from a Nigerian background so telling folk I want a small wedding is like a big slap in the face!
Rae talkss you’re screwed 😅😅 Nigerians love extravagant weddings
It’s crazy to me that the modern woman wouldn’t be involved in the financial aspects of her wedding, I could never be that oblivious!
How could someone spend $35,000 on one day! That's just ludicrous in my opinion.
I've recently got engaged and I'm already overwhelmed by keeping people happy. It's ridiculous.
We're paying for everything ourselves, so I feel like I might be super bratty and just demand it to be my way. That way my future husband and I get what we want, which seems fair as we're paying.
Please, be bratty and demanding. Speaking from experience, it'll make you and your future husband much happier. Do it your way. I regret being way too passive and letting people walk all over me during my wedding planning.
honestly, i told my fiance that the relationship is more stressful now that we are engaged. everyone is coming to us telling us what they want for OUR wedding, and telling me im gonna regret if i do it this way or that way, but my mom said at the end of the day, its OUR day so we shouldnt let her or anyone else decide what is BEST FOR US. trust me, u wont be happy if you tried to please everyone else. it wont feel like YOUR wedding. its hard telling family and friends no, but you have to put your foot down before you get so stressed out that you want to just cancel the wedding because ive considered cancelling ours plenty of times and my other friend who is having a wedding a month later is so stressed out and didnt even tell her family she changed her dress because she doesnt want them to be angry with her.
Cheyenne Michelle-Rena That's exactly what I said. Great minds, ey!
It's driving me mad. Nobody would suggest any of this crap if it was just a regular party. But because it's a wedding people feel able to say 'your day will be rubbish without X'
I hope you get the day you and your partner want.
And send love to your friend. What a stressful situation. I'm sure she'll look lovely in whatever dress SHE wants. She'll be the one wearing it after all!
Kitty exactly kitty and thank you! We decided to cancel the big ceremony and just go to court . Who knows if we will have another ceremony next year, but we don't really care. We never wanted anything big anyway, and as for my friend, the 3rd dress was the winner. :) I hope your wedding goes well too and it is stressful, but now you know you're not alone in the stress, and can talk to me or someone else who knows what you're going through. Remember, it's YOUR day so focus on what you and your hubby want . If others aren't paying, their opinions on what will make your wedding perfect shouldn't matter. My aunt said she'd buy me a white dress (I have purple) but I stood my ground and said no even tho she said I'd regret it. No I'd regret going with a color I don't want lol.
I got married two weeks ago. From experience prepare to get some people upset.
The first thing that I told everyone was : I'll let you know if I want your opinion on a subject.
Its hard but necessary. Also set budgets for everything and inform vendors about these first and foremost.
Chelsea, this is one of your best videos. I seriously think this should either be a separate mini series you do on weddings and newlyweds and the money mistakes aroundund them
My cousin had an intimate wedding with a few people and my family LOST IT. I felt so bad because she was pressured since the beginning to invite everyone but she finally put her foot down and I supported her fully. She was happy thank god
As a bride that planned and organized everything for her wedding, the struggle is real for keeping costs under control. It's totally doable as we made out with paying around $5,000-$6,000 for everything. Working your network of friends and family helps find things you can borrow and use one time without inflated cost. Also even when you say no gifts and even put it in your invitation, you will still get gifts.
I will be forever grateful that my wife is not an "instagram girl". Our wedding was exactly what we wanted, cost about 4K and with the money we saved we bought a house that we can very comfortably afford. I am glad we were on the same page when it came to size and cost from the very beginning.
The fact that there's a legitimate wedding tax is incredible and completely unfair. Ultimately, the only thing I think is worth the high price tag for a wedding is a photographer. Good photographers can make $2,000 weddings look like $25,000. Just be aware of their packages and see if you can get stuff custom quoted to make sure you're only getting the products after the wedding that you'll actually really want.
Cassandra Rudolph also if you get married out of season you can get good photographers for less and smaller packages. I remember our photographer only offered the 3 hour package September - April but we got married on a Tuesday so she offered it to us anyway because she lived nearby and was free. So as you suggest I would also say definitely contact people you like and see what they can offer you :)
Matilda Lundin this is true! I’m a photographer and while I don’t shoot weddings I know a lot who do and there’s always options depending on the photographer. It’s worth an ask, as long as you aren’t being insultingly undercutting.
Absolutely! I would never wanna undercut someone. We were so thrilled because the photographer we booked in the end was our favourite when researching. She wasn't the cheapest - we could have booked a longer session with a cheaper one for the same price. But like you pointed out a good photographer can make a $2k wedding look like $25k and I want to look back at photos I love and that bring me joy.
Yes! All you have to do is communicate what you want and have an actual discussion.
A lot of companies were very surprised at how involved I wanted to be in the financial aspect of our wedding. Knowing all of the numbers really helped me to save a lot of money!
Your wedding sounds LOVELY.
Budget Girl I
love you, chelsea. you keep it real. i saw this video when i moved in with my hunny this past April and we got engaged 2 weeks ago. my head is spinning with all this wedding planning.
I know a couple who didn't get diamond rings to cut costs and also because they just didn't like them. Instead they have silicone 'rings' (like those rubber bracelets you can order for really cheap) that have their special design on them. They cost about $20 dollars.
Cindy Giesbrecht I hate diamonds 😂 I got a rose quartz ring but when my husband tried to find a ring for me (he insisted on this but with help from me sending him pictures of rings I like) it was impossible he said to find rings without at least small diamonds around the gem stone.
I didn't get an expensive dress or expensive rings. It all seemed so commercial and over the top... It was a great decision because we traveled to get to our wedding venue. Our car was broken into and the rings stolen. It was still upsetting, but not I just lost 2k ring upsetting. I would highly recommend if you're driving a long distance to your wedding keep the rings with you, park where your car is visible and don't leave anything that looks valuable in the car. The smashed window cost more than anything that was stolen...
Cindy Giesbrecht Here in Denmark, it is highly uncommon to get diamond rings. Most people go for some sort metal covered with a thin layer of gold. It is cheaper, more comfy and more practical. But we're also an entire country of cheap skates, who rent our dresses and has the party in the local community building (most towns has a small, crappy building for events and town meetings)
My parents used around 3-4K and They had a semi-large party with a reception beforehand.
My engagement ring had colored glass instead of gemstones because I disagree with how diamonds are mined and the artificially inflated price points for diamonds and my ring was still absolutely beautiful.
go to brilliantearth.com! Many alternatives sold in an ethical way!
Can you make a video about prenups and pros of separate accounts.
Corona has made it easier to want a small wedding, because of the restrictions. My husband and I got married this friday in the forrest with 17 guests and it was the most magical time
Loved this video! I had my dream wedding in 2016 and we spent about $3k. It was only possible because my husband and I were both incredibly involved and made decisions together. We had a small intimate ceremony with just our parents in a beautiful garden. Our officiant was my husband’s coworker and our photographer was our good friend who does photography as a hobby (but he’s damn good at it). After the ceremony we all walked to our favorite burger joint a few blocks away and had a delicious meal. The next day we had a Sunday brunch reception in a beautiful hall (that we couldn’t have afforded on a Saturday but many are discounted on Sundays). We had about 90 people. As a horticulturist, I did the arrangements myself and the hall was so beautiful that it didn’t need much else. I bought my dress from a local boutique that specializes in quinceañaras. She customized my dress and tailored it for me and it only cost me $300. My cosmetologist friend from high school did my hair and I did my own makeup. It was a fabulous weekend and we managed to get through with no issues at all. We also skipped the registry and only asked for gift cards or cash. We asked that our guests not post photos on social media until we released our professional photos, since a few of my husbands family members were unable to attend. If you can be direct with what you want but remain adaptable, you can get exactly what you want without spending a fortune.
I can't even tell you how much you just spoke to my soul. I got engaged almost 2 years ago and every time I went to try to start planning our wedding and look at costs, I would just shut down. I've never seen myself having a traditional wedding and I also just couldn't justify spending that much money for A FREAKING DAY. We finally just made the decision a month ago to have a very intimate ceremony with just our immediate family and since then, wedding planning has legitimately been so enjoyable. This option suits our personalities perfectly and makes so much more sense financially for us. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not crazy!!
Hey Chelsea! As a newly engaged person who has just fallen into this rabbit hole that is wedding planning - I greatly appreciate this video! It's very grounding and a good reminder to focus on what is most important to us, the couple, and not get caught up in all the expensive aesthetics
Did a hands on wedding with reception for less than $2000! Single stem roses with tulle netting for bridesmaids, store bought wedding cake brought in, hand decorated reception area and pew bows, mother made my dress...8 bridesmaids/groomsmen and 6 servers. They all had made their dresses with the picked colors and lace, some themselves, some tailored. It was stunning! I'm always shocked at what people think they need to spend. After it was on the table, you could not tell the store bought cake from a catered one.
I'm jealous of your eyebrows
The part about the cost of being in a wedding gets me, especially as a single woman. If you're single and a friend is asking you to be in their wedding, ask yourself if they would spend $1,000 on going on a trip with you for your 40th birthday. If the answer is no, then don't be in their wedding.
Excellent! My mom always says "it's not how you marry, it's the life you live" ☺
This is a great video, Chelsea. Weddings can be appropriately extravagant, but we've completely lost sight of what's important in planning them. Please don't back down.
I wanted a bridal dress but I didn't want to pay boutique prices. I ordered a 'white spring dress with lace' online. It came down a few inches below the knee and was perfect for the spring wedding we wanted to have. I actually ordered this in late August many months before the wedding and watched ebay and etsy for accessories. I ended up with a white parasol (lace umbrella), a small white rose cloche, a white shell necklace from Hawaii and my sisters and I made our own floral pins to go in my hair.
We also chose to just have a reception party and skip the actual wedding ceremony. My husband and I went to the courthouse to actually get married and then we had TWO reception parties. The first was across state where his family is from which was the biggest one with a lot of my family travelling with us. A wedding roadtrip was a huge blast and created many fond memories. We rented out an area of the state park and had a BBQ. It was just like a family reunion just with me trying not to spill anything on my lovely white dress. When we got back to our local town we had a smaller pot-luck dinner party with our close friends.
We spent around $3k on our wedding with our biggest ticket items being food for the BBQ (We kinda splurged here getting ribs, hamburgers, sausages, and steaks) and our honeymoon trip to Las Vegas though we took advantage of a deal that got us our lodgings off the strip for an insanely low price and we actually enjoyed NOT being in a casino and having a place to escape from the noise/smoke/people.
My husband and I got married at 21 for about $1,000, and that included my dress, the food and the event location. I actually wish we hadn't had a wedding at all and kept the money. The marriage is the best part, and the wedding was something we were pressured into.
I'm currently planning my wedding and it's mentally and financially exhausting. I have SO much family to invite. Our venue includes the plate, open bar, and cake. For a Saturday night the venue food and beverage minimum is $25,000... I talked them down to $16,000. Yes- this is still VERY costly, but I was pleased to have been able to talk it down. This goes to show how inexpensive it is for the venue themselves to have a wedding on premise if they are able to have this large of leniency with cost. Total we plan on about $22,000 for the entire day.
:) 40 years ago our whole wedding cost us less than my maid of honor dress when my girlfriend got married a year or so later. We used a cute little chapel, had 30-40 guests, and an open house at our home later that night. Good times
Me and my partner have decided not to bother with a wedding - neither of us like being the centre of attention and the thought of a wedding makes us stressed. And we'll save thousands!!
I really liked this video. I think that it's so important to consider costs for guests, a lot of people I know get married in areas that are cheap for them but force guests to pay travel costs and for accommodation.
Have never agreed with anyone so much as this
This was the MOST helpful budget friendly wedding video I have ever seen. Thanks Chelsea, as always!
I personally have seen two life long friendships end over a wedding and this is just the last two years. Ex #1: I personally was paying for my own airfare to the wedding, my bridesmaids dress, paying for my hotel accommodations for the weekend so as not to compete with the brides family staying in her home, and when the brides sister started trying to intimidate me into paying for the bachellorette party, I dropped out. You're over 40, you and this man have been living together for over a decade. If you're that old and you want a big wedding with all the extras.... you should be able to pay for it. Oh, and they sold "experiences" in lieu of gifts so the attendees could pay for all the events during their honeymoon since they didn't need anything else. I did pay for one night of them to have dinner. Others paid for the car rentals and hotel rooms and zip lining excursions, etc. She also set it up so that the guests could BUY their wedding photos after the event.
Another friendship was ruined when the bride asked the bridesmaids to pay for their dress, their shoes, the makeup artist, the hair dresser, their own travel and accommdations then even asked them to pay for their own FLORAL BOUQUETS?!! Asked one bridesmaid to pickup the liquor tab for the bachellorette party. That bridesmaid was currently unemployed and you're asking her to pay the liquor tab at your party? Then stopped talking to any said bridesmaid who dropped out.
I will never attend another wedding. Thank you for not inviting or including me.
I LOVE THIS! Weddings are SUCH a financial achievement and process. Luckily, we extended our engagement to also make sure that we were able to pay for the wedding and NOT be in debt. That was very much a helpful factor, along with everything already discussed.
I got married a week and a half ago and during the planning process it was absolutely shocking to see what the costs were! We did figure out some good ways to save, and we managed to throw a pretty awesome party for not a lot of dollars. Here's some of the things we did to save:
- Our ceremony was in a church and we were able to use that space for free
- We served our guests pasta for the wedding dinner which was delicious and inexpensive
- I got my ring off of Etsy and he got his off of Amazon. My ring was $90 and his was $25. Neither of us are into diamonds
- I used my sewing skills to make my own wedding dress which was a huuuuuge money saver and it was exactly what I wanted
-We were able to get $600 off of our $1000 reception center because a friend knew a friend
-My wonderful mother and a neighbor teamed up to make our wedding cake
-My best friend is a graphic designer and designed our invitations. We also skipped sending out "save the dates" because we felt like they were unnecessary
-Our photographer was a friend from college that generously gave us a discount on a photography package as a wedding present
-My mom and I made 30 bundt cakes to serve people at the reception
-I used minimal decorations and got all of my purchased decorations off of Amazon and Ebay and the rest were borrowed from family friends. I'm also selling my purchased decorations to another bride.
-We didn't hand out wedding favors. I don't think anybody really cared or noticed
-My florist was a family friend that did the arrangement for free and only charged us for the cost of the flowers
-I only had 3 bridesmaids and we got their dresses at an end of season sale. My husband had 7 groomsmen, but ties are a lot cheaper than dresses! We also didn't require the wedding party to do anything other than show up on the day and take pictures with us
Overall we spent less than $3000 on the whole shebang and it was such a perfect day. I wouldn't change a thing about my wedding! I know that these options won't be available to everyone, and I feel very lucky that we were able to have basically our dream wedding for such a low cost. Really what I want to impart to people is that if you're currently engaged or are about to get engaged TALK TO PEOPLE! Everyone has skills and I've found that the people in your life are usually more than happy to help you out! If they can't help you out, they probably know somebody else that you can contact for services.
This is so helpful. I'm planning my wedding now and was telling my fiance that I don't know how to keep us in budget. This grounded me and reminded me that I don't need everything people are telling me.
I’ve seen dozens and dozens of wedding videos by far this is the best wedding advice video I’ve seen. Thank you!
My husband and I had about 30 people over at our own home for our wedding. We cleaned the house, moved all the furniture into the garage and rented some chairs and standing tables. Our immediate family is small, and half the attendees were close, mutual friends. A wedding should be about the husband and wife and how they want to celebrate. For us, we wanted to travel together and enjoy being married, so we put more into our honeymoon than our wedding, which I'm thankful for.
I got married in April and from the beginning I decided that the only thing I cared about was getting married to the love of my life and being able to share that moment with our closest friends and family. Not once I cared about what other people expected or wanted from the wedding (not even my parents). It was our time, not theirs. In three months, I arranged a simple but chic, small non traditional wedding. Every choice I made reflected who my husband and I are. I felt no stress at all because I only focused on what my husband and myself wanted. The result was above my expectations. We had the most wonderful day and received amazing feedback from our guests. They all loved how different the wedding was. I was very pleased and we spent a really reasonable amount of money. You don't need to spend a lot to create something beautiful. It's all about being smart on how you spend the money.
Lab-created white sapphires or zirconium look a lot like diamonds and are far, far cheaper for engagement rings. Lab-created diamonds are a thing too, and are just as pretty as a harvested diamond. The ring I have my eyes on is only $300, and has two lab-created sapphires with the white sapphire in the middle. Just a tip.
I'm currently planning a wedding (have been for the past several months and nearly everything is all settled) and I never had any issues getting prices for things... My fiancee and I also designed my engagement ring together as well as his wedding ring to match and the jeweler was always upfront with how much everything cost, I didn't have to ask and they made no comment about wanting to know... same with the reception venue, caterer, bakery... I honestly have no idea how common it actually is for the bride to not get pricing info.
L0STinNARNIA Same, I was surprised and a little disbelieving if this...
I'm thinking it might happen more at big franchises versus local jewelers. When ring browsing for design ideas with my SO at multiple stores in the mall, I would try on a setting and then go to look at the tag to see details and price, and I was constantly told "Oh don't worry about that, we can work out finances with him later." When I replied that we're a team and making these financial decisions together, they nervously respond "Oh that's wonderful!" At one store, I just said in passing to my SO that I liked a particular setting, and I was swiftly escorted away to look at watches for my SO while they sat and talked finances with him. I would almost find it funny if it wasn't so insulting and archaic, but who knows, maybe some women find it romantic for the cost to be a mystery... I like surprises as much as the next person, but I like a good deal and feeling the price is worth the value a whole lot more.
She spoke of her experience and I'm sure she isn't alone..our jeweler was take back but me telling her I wanted the price of my fiancee's ring it happens ya'll.
amanatee27 I was told something similar when we were looking for my ring. The guy said don't worry about the price. I said I have to, otherwise we might be eating PB&j forever. I would rather enjoy my life with my husband. And he quickly shut up after that.
This happens a lot. You were luck to be dealing with very up front people.
The nicest wedding I ever went to was outside, guests dressed casual. Family members volunteered their cooking talents for the reception. A couple of aunts were good at making salads, one was good at baking cakes, a cousin had an outdoor bbq and grilled pork chops. Music provided by a friend of the family, decorations were sunflowers from a family members garden. Very economical and a great gift to the couple by family and friends
When my husband and I got married, we outsourced just about all of the tasks and costs to family, friends, and family friends. For example, a family friend took photos, my best friend baked cupcakes, a family friend lent us his beach house for a weekend, and so on :) That saved is so much money and made it so much more meaningful.
We also had a small wedding( I think we were 24 people) and we managed to do it under 2000 dollars. Granted we didn't care about any of the typical wedding stuff and just wanted to have a celebration with our loved ones. So we got married in the woods, bought silver rings on etsy, I made my dress(no lace or expensive fabrics), I did not mention to the hair and make-up ladies that it was for my wedding and neither to the restaurant which had prepared a normal 4 course dinner. I didn't want a special photo shoot and so the photographer gave us a really great price, we looked on airbnb for accommodation and just booked inexpensive flights with a low-cost company for guests. We also managed to get everyone a personal little gift as a thank you for attending. It was lovely. I can't imagine going into debt to pay for the wedding, that would be so much pressure!!
I wish more people thought this way. When my husband and I got married, we didn’t have diamond rings, we only had 22 guests but a great time and awesome food. Our party was under $1000. No need to spend a lot to get married and have an awesome party.
I salute you for putting this out there, because women don’t know the pain a man has to go through when they have to swipe that debit card to buy that ring or pay for that wedding. All they do is demand, demand, and DEMAND!
I LITERALLY just had this conversation with a friend of mine. Her family is pressuring her to do SO MUCH that she doesn't want to do and I think that's tragic. $7800 just for catering! And pushing for an $800 dress when the one she LOVES is $40. :( It's INSANE.
Thank you. Thank you. I really needed this. Currently planning my wedding and the pressure to go over the top is crazy.
Tips to cut costs but still have a larger wedding:
1. Find a "rural destination" venue, like a small town community hall, or all-in-one venues like a church with a big fellowship hall/gym. Be cautious if the venue requires you to use a specific caterer, and don't be afraid to negotiate prices. Look for ways to buy snacks at Costco and have family/friends set it up.
2. Decide what your top spending priorities are: usually quality photos/videos, and the one thing that stresses you out the most or you're super particular about; let go of other expectations
3. Shop Facebook Marketplace, local wedding consignment stores, or online alternatives for everything, including dresses and suits
4. Enlist your friends and family to help set up/tear down, and take up offers to help (and be okay with them doing it their way)
5. Want fresh flowers? Order bulk fresh flowers from Sam's club (you do have to do it all the day before your wedding so enlist friends to help)
6. Cut alcohol and do a Spotify playlist, not a band
7. Think about different times of day, like a Saturday morning wedding with coffee and donuts, or mid-afternoon with just appetizers
This is a great video me and my fiancé are getting married this summer. and we pretty much followed this idea, we decided we’d rather use the money for a house down payment so we’re putting the money on that and we’re doing a small but still good wedding.we’ve kept the budget under 5k and we’re having a great time w our family’s doing diy stuff for the wedding, it’s really brought the 2 family’s together we’re super happy and excited for the big day and we’re going to come in under budget yay us!
Wow. Just listening to this gives me anxiety. My husband and I eloped. We had a beautiful ceremony on the edge of the ocean. We have no debt besides our home and cars. Right now we’re both considering further education and buying property in another state. Imagine what you could have for 35;0000! I’ve also heard a correlation between lower cost weddings and longer marriages. I couldn’t imagine carrying that much debt for one day. Granted, it is a special day, but wow...
We spent $800 on our wedding, including the license. My dress was a sample for $220, then there was chair rental, DIY bouquet, petals for our kids to throw as they walked down the aisle, secondhand dresses for them, no other wedding party, cake made by my mom, no flowers, no physical invitations, no paid photographer, wedding was at our home, and the wedding was from 1-4pm, so no meal. We had about 20 guests, most of whom were children. We've been married for 8 years and have no regrets about our wedding.
$35k! That's not gonna happen. Nuclear family, g-parents, and wedding party get a fancy dinner and lodging. Maybe another $5k for the honeymoon. The rest of that is going into the down payment on a house.
YES!!! you get it. We took my husbands kids/my bonus daughters on our honeymoon for a few days. I couldn't have given a flying fuck about what anyone else thought.
yes and not just the down payment but include closing costs. 6% closing cost (hopefully seller will pay some) and 3.5% down payment for first time home buyer
All of my sibs had homemade weddings. My next oldest sib had a $350 grand total wedding. $50 dress which was altered by a friend, food was a bring a dish. I made the cake, wedding at a public park. Great time.
I’m getting married and then having a wedding too. I bought my wedding dress from a pageant boutique on sale for $200 and it’s everything I wanted it to be. You can have what you want and still save money. But the fact my white wedding dress with a small train was a “pageant” or “prom” dress and not a “wedding” dress helped the price ALOT.
Thanks for the video! Great tips!!! I'm currently planning my wedding and we are spending about 10000 including the honeymoon. 35000 for a wedding is an outrageous price. You can have a nice wedding without breaking the bank. I have done a lot of research and planning and it hasn't been easy but we have been able to keep our cost down. We re having 110 guest and we are only paying 12 dollars a plate for food, my fiancé s friend who is a photographer is doing our photos for a good price, we got a dj for a good price as well. I have my friend as my wedding planner and she is making all my decorations, centerpieces and bouquets. I also got the wedding dress of my dreams at David s bridal for a discontent price.
With creativity, doing research and a little bit of time ( my wedding planning time is only 8 months) is possible to get married on a budget :)
I love this. All so true. We were the first of our friends to get married so we weren’t influenced by other weddings but we did have an idea of what we didn’t want. No money from parents, no engagement ring, no cake, no flowers, no wedding dress, no registry, no wedding party, no DJ, and no dress code. We also knew we wanted separate events for friends and family, and we wanted to provide accomodation for everyone, and an open bar! We did have wedding rings and hired a catering service for the main event. Both events were awesome and relaxed and we loved every bit of them. Everything cost us about $7000 including fees, rings, meal and drinks for 13 (family) + whole weekend event for 40 (friends). We did lots of things ourselves but as most of them can be done in advance (like setting up a playlist and photo booth) the actual day was quite stress free and exactly to our taste.
We had 34 guests (us included) so we arranged the tables to make a huge family sitdown table. I loved it.Total cost was $2600.00. I borrowed my dress, made the flowers from fancy paper, had the reception in a retro coffeeshop. So I literally didn’t spend a dime on decorations other than the handmade flowers. The venue was perfect as is. My dad baked the wedding cake and a friend made the cake topper as a wedding present. I wouldn’t want to change a thing!
me and my babe are going to get married at the courthouse. That is what I've always wanted. It's always been my goal to have a home FIRST, and then a have a fun ceremony for my friends and family on one of the special anniversaries.
Good wedding hack: If you're having it at a hotel, ignore the wedding menu samples they offer. Search the website for the menu options they have for other events. I found two separate menus from the same hotel venue in addition to the wedding menu options. The price difference was shocking, but the hotel event planner had no problem letting me choose from any of the menus the venue offered. In the end, we saved $20/person!
*According to my records, my wedding cost roughly $22,500, including the honeymoon and engagement ring (Stay in school and don't do diamonds, kids.) My dad, my wife, and I were the primary individuals paying for the thing, with significant aid in the form of both money and labor from my wife's collective friends and EXTENDED family. Fortunately, we had very generous guests whose cash gifts and (ugh) gift cards were worth more on average than the marginal cost of the wedding per guest, and my wife and I probably broke even when all was said and done. Still, all of that money had to come from somewhere, and next time I get $10,000 in free money from my friends and family, I'll keep it instead of throwing a one-night party in a fire hall.*
*My in-laws didn't really pay for anything, they just eased off on how much money they were withdrawing from their daughter's bank account to pay rent for a month or two.*
This says 4 things but this is jam packed with advice. While our priorities differ this advice overall is bomb and I want to share it with everyone.
Only 3 things are really on my wedding list
* a garden wedding
* NO open bar (i don't want anyone to get drunk, + it's expensive as HELL!)
* I will design and make my wedding cake.
Love the sensibility. You marry the person you love and that is just it.
I want a large wedding my family is large and very tight knit. My mom keeps telling me I "have to do things this way" 🙄 she's paying for most of it but the things she didn't I have turned down. The guest list has been the biggest struggle though.