Is modern culture making men unsecure? Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith weighs in
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- čas přidán 1. 05. 2022
- What happened to men? I don't mean they're all bad. I mean why are they so scared? So terrified of intimacy? Afraid to be vulnerable, to take risks, and to stretch out their hand to others? Men today live lives of quiet desperation. Insecurity is growing, and men are facing multiple epidemics, from suicide to drugs to retreating into their room and never coming out.
Why? What is it about society that is chasing men out of the public square and into their bedroom? What's leading the desolation of men and making them too insecure to live their lives?
Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith weighs in with his answer. And the details he reveals may shock you. Adam traces the brokenness and insecurity of modern men back over a hundred years ago to show how the system that was meant to provide them with love and meaning has crumbled. And Adam explains what we can do about it in the future.
If you're an anxious or insecure man, or if you have one in your life, this video is a must-watch reveal of the hidden dangers in modern life.
This video is part of an ongoing series about attachment.
Broken attachment and insecurity did not appear with this newest generation. The attachment patterns have broken over the last hundred years and causes worse relationships, more anxiety, and more insecurity. Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith reveals how insecure men have adapted to a broken society which fosters insecure attachment by its very design. If you're looking to overcome insecure attachment and develop better relationships, this video guide can help you understand what you've been facing and what to do about it.
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"Zoomers are coming up... they've never seen a functional anything"
This is why I cherish my somewhat traditional, stable family. I know it's a rare find these days, and for as personally fucked-up as I am, I know I would have been worse in a less nurturing environment.
A healthy family is an incredible gift. I’m glad you can experience it.
My parents are still together but I don't talk to my mother, my father only started liking me after I moved out of the house and neither of them can figure out why I can't get my shit together.
It’s rare because liberalism has destroyed it all and Islam is the only last ideology that’s been preserving it
This actually makes a lot of sense that men in today’s society Also obsessed with their bodies and feel like they need to compete with other men to find a partner and if they’re not good enough then they’re doomed to be alone and unloved
It’s an ugly competition that no one wins
I know what you mean. I've never been obsessed with my looks, but there is no doubt that the dating scene, especially online, is a competition. A competition that you will lose unless you have great looks and an equally great income. I played that game before until I got sick of it and eventually gave up. I won't say I'm destined to be alone the rest of my life, but I'll be damned if I'm going to waste any more time and energy to put myself out there just to get overlooked and ignored. I can get that without even trying.
Great looks are less important than most realize. Yes, the dating world turns it into a competition that way, but that's not realistic. Most aren't looking for a perfect 10 anyway. Generally decent looks really comes from optimizing what you've got. And that just opens the door for a person to check out what else you offer in relationships. Optimize both sides, the outside and the inside. That prevents you from getting dismissed by people who would like you AND prevents you from connecting to shallow people who ONLY care about looks.
@@AttachmentAdam not online... filter is set to 6 feet and above... women look for perfection online.
Face to face interactions with women, learning game, learning how to defend urself, having good posture, speaking with conviction, dressing well for ur body type and becoming a social symbol in your area ( and becoming a social symbol even online) will do much more for u as a man than having a super fit body. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to become lazy n obese, but big muscles n ripped abs can only get u so far in life.
Edit: If u want to become more socially adept, get into a sales job.
Thank you so very much for your content!!! I work with student age 4-8 as a special education director and formed elementary principal. As I listen to you I think about recent studies I have come across concerning students (and I see this most in boys) discussing a correlation between greater physical activity and higher cognitive abilities. As a culture these little boys are constantly in trouble because they have great difficulty fitting in the box of behavioral expectations for a class of 18- 26 students. Yet higher activity is related to academic success! Therefore they start school, are always in trouble, and begin their education with “behavior issues” that should be viewed as a normal part of child developmental, yet are not! So sad for our boys and eventually young men.
Thank you so much for seeking out education on this topic. Little boys are going through a meat grinder right now and we're losing so many of them for exactly the reasons you laid out. We've got to stop treating boys like defective girls and play to their strengths. That will engage them and get them on track for personal and professional success.
I really associate with this. I had a principal in elementary who wanted to cause absolute hell for me and for other mentally different kids. I was looked down upon as inferior a whole lot because of my autism, the IEP program we had there just sucked, all it did was distance me from classes I needed and never gave me the focused attention I needed. Looking back on it, it really was the first sign in my life that everything for me was going to derail
@@JamesTDG I hope you have been able to find some decent older people to mentor you.
You just explained what I’ve been grasping at mentally my whole life
Sounds like you knew this but, like most of us, needed the dots connected because the picture is just so huge. Most of us have never seen a healthy system so we don’t have a frame of reference to say what’s wrong now. But I’m curious, what led to you seeing these issues? Many stay asleep and don’t recognize what’s going on but it sounds like you’ve seen the ugliness under the veil.
Adam, you have so eloquently described everything I have been thinking for the past twenty years. You covered everything. You need to write a book. Please write a book. We need more voices of reason and wisdom to help turn this crazy train (that we call modern society) around. I can say as a woman, we especially need more men to speak the truth. Thank you for articulating what we have all been feeling!!!!
I hear you. Glad this one resonated. I’ve written 2 books on attachment but none so far on how society is shaping it like this deep dive uncovered. What made this topic so personally important for you?
@@AttachmentAdamTHANK YOU Adam, this also resonates with me at a deep level and mirrors much of my own meta-historical perception of the slow evolution of our attachment crisis and its rapid acceleration, which in my estimation has been one pace behind technological "progress" and the arms race every step of the way since the "Neolithic Revolution" and began a downhill sprint in the Victorian Era with the rise of mechanization and mass production- collectively, especially in the West, we now seem to have outrun our own feet and are tumbling arse-over-teakettle in a tuck-and-roll descent toward a chasm that threatens to swallow our entire civilization (which itself has been feeding on its own young for its existence for millenia, so the optimistic nihilist part of me thinks maybe that isn't such a loss-🤷♂️) I certainly see and agree with all the dots you connected, and view them all as reactionary consequences of a much longer-term progression that seems to have begun with our radical shift from nomadic Neolithic collectives to sedentary agrarian (and walled) city-states, (probably as a result of forced migrations and trauma due to a global ecological catastrophe around 11,000 B.C.E.- Noah's Flood, Epic of Gilgamesh, legends of "Atlantis", the 4 destructions of the native American Hopi culture, etc.) and taking a very unbalanced course somewhere in the Greco-Roman period when the Feminine (intuitive/cyclical thinking) was disowned and disenfranchised from public life in favor of a purely Masculine(hyper-rational/linear thinking) and hierarchical societal structure- the lack of balance and autonomy poisoned the relationship between men and women as well as the Divine Masculine and Feminine forces that live through us- competition (and attachment traumas), rather than collaboration, became the driving force in Western culture and has remained so through the 20th century and into the 21st. Throughout this timeframe, it has inspired many dark chapters in our human story, one of the more recent being the rise of "Feminism", which began in post-revolution Russia as part of the "proletarian" mobilization of women in the industrial workforce and political organs of the Communist State- "Feminism" as it has been branded in the West is no more than Leninism in drag; if you were so "misogynistic" as to reach under the skirt of "her" Elizabeth Arden powersuit you would find a hairy thigh and a handful of junk. Women were sold a false bill of goods, absolute "freedom from male domination", in exchange for voluntary tax slavery, endless financial insecurity, and abandonment of their Feminine nature, their children, stable romantic relationships with dedicated partners, and competition with men for the crumbs from the tables of those who benefitted. The results: generations of Motherless and Fatherless children raised by the corporate State from cradle to grave, a self-indulgent and unstable culture that provides no satisfaction of human needs, near-universal alienation disguised as "individualism", and near-universal enmity between men and women disguised as "equality". EVERYONE has lost, and the losses have inspired many new reactionary movements, such as Incel, Femcel, MGTOW, the "Boss Bitch" subculture, rampant attachment- trauma-related psychological issues like gender dysphoria, transsexuals pounding the crap out of biological women in sports..."Lenina" gets off on the carnage. Intentional? Well, some bets pay off big when you stack the odds in your favor- follow the money, power, and privilege to the top of the pyramid for a clearer view; it's nothing new, human suffering and sacrifice have been a central part of certain traditions and institutions that our hierarchical societies have rested on for a very long time. I think it's time we got to the bottom of it- and dismantle it from the bottom up. 🏴
My interest? I'm one of those VERY Disorganized/Avoidant men who has suffered from broken attachment beginning at birth and persisting for 57 years now, who has borne witness to the decline from my alienated and disconnected perspective far above the fray and behind the battlements of my Schizoid defenses, watching and studying, connecting dots, trying to understand; I'm one of the more fortunate of my kind in that I did enjoy a nearly 23 year commited relationship with a wonderful partner who was secure in her Femininity and faithfully supported me (and I her) in our life together until her death- in the aftermath of her loss, I find myself at an even greater loss confronting the madness of the current culture with no idea how the conditions that made our relationship possible could be duplicated - I have joined the swelling ranks of my alienated brothers and sisters who view the situation as pointless and hopeless. Yet even while viewing it all from a distance through a dark lens, on a clear day I can see signs that people are looking for a way out of the confusion, and open discussion is beginning to take place in content and forums like this one and elsewhere. I'm very new to the conversation, online culture, and many other aspects of modern life, but I'm sharpening my quill for a writing project that I'm in the early stages of that will address many of these same issues from the perspective of the internal experience of a lone Bushido "mercenary" Gatekeeper, divided from himself by attachment injury and trauma, as he explores a Limbo populated with restless disembodied spirits wandering among unmarked gravestones on a "Heroe's Journey" epic quest. His journey began on an island beyond Time where he is shipwrecked. The answers he seeks are hidden in the darkness of the catacombs that wind among the roots of the WorldTree (the Tree Of Life) which produces the Fruit of all our possible worlds, past, present ,and future, on branches that support the stars themselves- he has his eye on one in particular that he must reach and bring back to seed a new culture in his dying world, after he has built a bridge between worlds and learned the secret of walking between them at will. The tales should rightly be told around the communal fire, in the company of his kin and clan and the spirits of Ancestors, under the right signs, an updated version of the myths and legends our Neolithic tribal ancestors began and wrote for us among the stars for us to rediscover; not as a path back to their way of life but as a reminder of what we forgot, and lost, and were cheated out of along the way, so we can reclaim our human birthright of connection with ourselves, each other, our one world, and the Divine; if not for ourselves, for the children of the future.
I'm glad I found your channel and content, you are revealing some central pieces of the big picture, and I hope you do write a book about the cultural causes of attachment injury and trauma; it's the darkest part of the forest and there's nothing better you could do with your time (thank you Dr. Petersen for those excellent expressions), and no better time than now for humanity to receive it- I'll race you to publication, but maybe grant an old schizoid noobie a bit of a head start, eh? 😉 Great work Adam, glad you're out there.
Wow you hit the nail on the head…
I often think to myself: why are parents fobbing off parenting, teaching morality, business skills, etc. to their kids - fobbing it off on the kid’s peers, schools, strangers basically. I never understood that. But now the way you explain it, it makes perfect sense in the context of all of this societal unrest.
I experienced this myself, my mother was a boomer and my dad was from the previous Generation who got into the party lifestyle. Fortunately, he was actually a great father in many ways, though a terrible husband and very inconsistent as a father. I’ve had to sort all of this out as an adult and now at the age of 41, I finally feel like I can have kids and raise them properly because I have enough understanding and perspective now.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. It sounds like you’ve worked through many of your family struggles and are coming out the other side. What is your next step in building healthy relationships for yourself and for a potential family?
I don’t have children, but I look at today’s parents, and they give the appearance of their kids being an afterthought
i genuinely relate to this hard, it feels so hard to get through some stuff and feeling so alone, its just awful
I teach the solution. This is my life’s work. Go back and watch the 2nd video on my channel, “What is attachment?” It’ll show you the way forward.
Such a great video, i can fully relate to that being part of gen z, i fully know that it's wrong how we live our lives, that the stress levels we experience are not normal and i often find myself in a status where i don't know what to do and also i feel very helpless and it is really difficult for me to see something good in the future ahead of us...We need more people like you who talk about these things maybe then this could reauch the mainstream! Again great video and keep on going!
I’m teaching the solution. It’s not complicated. Go back and watch my 2nd video on this channel, “what is attachment”
14:51 - "Hyper-compete" is a fantastic word to use here. Scarcity mindset (and actual scarcity), nothing remaining consistent, having to deal with competitors in other cities and countries, makes for an intensely competitive world. I wonder if there's been an uptick in people who'd be considered "late bloomers" just because the amount of time and effort needed to break even and become capable of taking care of yourself has risen so much. I see the parts of life where I'm a "late bloomer" and while it doesn't absolve me of responsibility it does cause me to say, "No, wait, it's not that I'm a moron. It's that the social structures around me are broken."
You've nailed it here. The social structures being broken prevents most of us from moving to the next step because the steps themselves aren't laid out anymore. In a functioning society, you've got tons of people modeling the steps and guiding you through them. We've got a new first step of "figure out the steps" and most of us don't know how to do that. Where are you at in your process? Where are you most stuck?
I'm 40 (male) and certain moments in this video put into words perfectly a high number of theories and rough intuitions I've had for decades. Thank you.
You're very welcome, glad this helped!
Every single word is me. My middle brother as well. My youngest brother is the only one who "made it" in society. However, he is struggling with serious drinking. As someone who had to move to a different country twice, living amongst foreigners with a foreign language, I believe it resonates even more. Isolation becomes the norm. You've hit the rusty nail on the head. I've already started step 1 and step 2. Working out and making male friends.
I'm glad to hear you're doing the work. You're not alone in this, not at all. Keep watching videos here for more advice on how to heal and change so you get stronger. And let me know if you need any help. I'm here for it.
An Argentine of 20 speaking here
Life's crappy, but it's up to our shoulders to change this, and we'll do it
Good positive mindset. There’s definitely a way to fix this.
Great video, as a woman, it helps me see things so much better and what I want and need.
Wonderful, thanks for the feedback. Everyone has men in their life who need this information, so I'm glad you're picking it up here to share.
Escapism makes money. I'd love to see kindness being valued over a dollar. Thank you for creating this video - I feel a lot of people are looking for underlying causes and understanding, so we can heal, rather than constantly distract from the wounds. Wishing everyone here a wonderful week, and finding little windows of peacefulness throughout 😊
You are so welcome! Thanks for taking the time to watch. I'm glad other people out there are working diligently to find a pathway full of kindness and human connection. How is your journey going?
Thank you so much for making this video. I'll share it all over.
Tbh to the main takeaway I’ve got from this video is how all the generations are connected and how each has had their own impact on society.
That's right. They're connected and also leave their own impact. And those impacts have been shaped by events that shifted the whole environment into a harmful spiral. It's time to shift that back to healthy in a way that works for the modern world, by applying the lessons from the past with new systems.
Fascinating synopsis, I really appreciate your work. I'm in school to be a counselor and you have been a great resource for me.
Glad to hear it. Got a speciality in mind?
@@AttachmentAdam I am currently early in a Clinical Mental Health Counseling program. I have a heart for young men and I currently work in a middle school with troubled boys, all of them have no father in their life. Still trying to figure out what practicing is going to look like, but I think that demographic will be my focus. The loss of wholesome masculinity in our culture is heart breaking and there needs to be a change.
Your work is much needed and will only become more so with time, Beefcake Sensei.
So happy to hear your life focus. It is a blessing much needed. Know you are appreciated!
I might have to schedule a one on one with you one of these days, Adam. Feels like you're talking directly to me with this one lol. Got your book recently so I'll start there. Keep it up, man. Really appreciate everything you're doing.
You’re not alone in this battle. I’m ready when you are.
Such a great video Adam! I used to think I was weird and alone when I would crave this sort of behavior. I realized it’s because it made me feel loved and appreciated. Videos like these need to be more wide spread and there needs to be a renewing of the mind when it comes to how we view men.
I’m an immigrant and come from a strict culture which isn’t the most affectionate.
REALLY encouraging - put your finger on some very interesting ideas. Can't wait to see what the solutions are - I want to start implementing them for myself...and my son.
Check my book Slaying Your Fear on Amazon, $5 for the whole program to fix this as a family.
Thank you for this tremendously. You’ve got yourself a subscriber, from a young man going thru shockingly damn near everything you said here. You’re doing amazing work brother🙏
Welcome to the channel, and I want you to know you're not alone. I'm happy to discuss this stuff any time. Keep up the fight, man. Reach out and get connected.
Thank you Adam. I love this insight. It feels true and makes so much sense. I have a few brothers and it is so helpful to know what they might be going through and how to show love. 👏🏻
Which part was most surprising?
I had to re listen to decide because there were so many interesting points. The picture of how each generation affects the next is so interesting to me and then also when you said, “give men a hug.” I tried it out on one of my brothers today. He liked it.
Now you know how to take care of him (and other men in your family) for life. Great work. You're needed in their lives.
@@AttachmentAdam Thanks Adam!
Found this on twitter! Perfect explanation! Subbed
Thanks, glad to have you here 🥂
GenX female here. You nailed the sunny side GenX attitude. The more cynical/red pilled of us have the attitude of, "wake me up when the shooting starts." I read your book a few years ago and wasn't ready to follow it. Now I am working on the exercises.
Yes, exactly. It's a tough ride for GenX, and it's only halfway done for them. I'm glad to hear you're diving into your work. Hit me up on email if you need more resources: support@adamlanesmith.com
@@AttachmentAdam thank you. GenX has it easier compared to everyone younger. We had a better time growing up than kids do now!
I cried at some parts during this video, so i think you’ve got it quite right. You have a new subscriber
I feel you. Very much. Go watch my second video on this channel, “What is attachment?” You’ll see some hope.
Gotta be one of my favorite videos I've watched!!! Such a concise analysis of what's going on in our culture at present!
Glad you enjoyed it! Are you seeing a lot of these issues in the people around you?
Makes a lot of sense, thanks Adam
One of your best so far! I am enjoying watching you grow along with us!
Thank you, make sure you check out my newest history of attachment styles video for even more historical context.
Oh my gosh. Wow. This hits the nail on the head. More people need to hear this.
Agreed! We talk about this A LOT in my private community, if you'd like to connect in there let me know.
Thank you for the video. One possible correction - the baby boomers were not the first generation where both parents work. That was the 50s and 60s, where most were a single bread winner dad and stay at home mom. Otherwise, very interesting perspectives. Glad to see someone is trying to save our young men.
Brilliant and fascinating!
Thank you!
Glad you enjoyed it!
great vid, u touched on alot of things that i believe affect me and my peers, im not sure if there are any solutions, i certainly dont see them.
I teach the solution. This is my life’s work. Go back and watch the 2nd video on my channel, “What is attachment?” It’ll show you the way forward.
I heard you allude to this theory in some podcasts a while ago and I'm glad to hear you expound on this! It's a very interesting perspective, and by the way I'm really glad to see you working on this channel!
Thanks for the comment! I’ve taught about this a few times, so I was glad to put up a lengthy video defining it for people. What makes this specific topic interesting for you?
@@AttachmentAdam Gosh, I think it's because in my experience the only people I've heard speaking about this is you and Peter Hitchens. I suppose the reason it's interesting is that the details of ww1 are a lot less known. It may be somewhat shrouded by the impact of ww2, but the connection to this phenomenon is really undeniable in my opinion.
Completely spot on. Im completely out of place and it wont move in a good direction no matter how much i try.
There’s a solution. Go watch my second video on this channel, “What is attachment?” It explains a lot more.
Late gen z/y here with a 16 year old son …my god thank you for this and Im now a loyal follower
Glad you are here. I have so many videos for you and your son on this channel. I did a huge push recently into positive masculinity, including a video called Speak Like A Man. I recommend checking that video with him.
We recently had a talk and in all honesty he’s floundering socially. He is very intellectual, but the typical age related securities coupled with the pandemic…really did a number on him.
The diagnostic of the situation is flawless
I appreciate that. Anything you'd add here?
Good video man
Thanks bro
Thank you for creating this video I found it very interesting. The core of the video (that being the destruction of loving families) resonates with me.
I may not completely agree with all points but I appreciate you encouraging the discussion of this issue
Thank you and have a great day from Australia
ps For context I am currently in my early 20s and it is 2:03 am here, I'd love to go for a full breakdown of the video however I simply wish to sleep
Get some rest, would enjoy hearing your analysis when you wake up again.
Great video Adam thanks for this 👍
Thanks for watching. Which part of the video surprised you the most?
This really explains a lot, specifically why I have never felt good enough...
Right, it's an environmental issue with layers of complications. That's hard to fight if you don't recognize what's going on AND if you feel isolated and without allies. Has this been a battle for you?
This is one of the best video on youtube
Glad to hear this resonated with you! What hit the most in this video, and what are you wanting to fix? How can I help?
Fantastic video, also i find one of the hardest things as young men, is having nobody to talk about your most inner dreams and fears, or just anything which is very personal. I would love to share that with someone who will listen to me and treat me like an equal humanbeing. With kindness and not laugh about it, or act as if it’s irrelevant. Suicidal thoughts and insecurities come so fast if life doesn’t go well and you can’t talk to anyone. For whoever may read this, don’t give up, have a great day and stay safe!
You’re not alone. I’ve got another video on here called “the problem with insecure men” that explores the lack of male relationships, you might enjoy that info.
@@AttachmentAdam will check that out, thanks
Checking in again. How'd you like the other video?
@@AttachmentAdam was very informative, thanks. Great content!
I appreciate the kind words, and thanks for watching. I hope it all continues to bring you value.
Very good commentary 😊🙏
Thank you, I'm glad to hear you found it helpful! 🙏
Lots of truth in this.
It's a painful truth. Were you aware of most of the content before watching or was this new info?
Fascinating video. While I do disagree with some of the points made here I still find the premise interesting. As a woman trying to be a good ally to men I really find it disheartening how little kindness we as a society show to men
Kindness goes a long way to making people feel human.
Adam thank you, brilliant analysis. Everything is explainable with enough evidence, even this level of societal dysfunction!
It just takes a hard look and context pieces that many haven't heard before.
Which part of the video was most surprising to you?
Hugs, yes..hugging my son for sure. I wasn't hugged by my mother until later in life and I was taken back. My husband didn't get hugged until recently either..wth
This is a huge problem that you can start to rectify in your family.
This video spoke to me like it knew me and my internal struggles.
A sub from me and I will definitely check out your book.
Thank you!
Thanks Griffin, I'm glad this resonated with you. Hit me back with your thoughts on the book and we can talk about your next steps.
Seeing all of your books I would love to know your book shelf your main go to for insight instructions inspires you for your wisdom I keep my books in my Kindle.Philosophy medicine and general insight instructions inspiring and yes slaying your fear is among those. Knowledge is not only power but growth and knowing some man in the past and present have given true wisdom to hand down I have always been amazed by my mentor books. Thank you🙏 Adam Smith
Not a problem, I'm happy to share! One book I love is No More Mr Nice Guy, that was a huge mindset shift. Have you read it yet?
I just turned 20 recently and this video hit hard. My biggest worry is not having that perfect family with a wife and kids and a house and financial freedom. I was brought up in a broken household (I'm an only child) and even though my parents tried it wasn't enough. To this day I honestly don't believe a marriage can be successful. My biggest wish is to have a happy marriage but it's my biggest fear to not have one. And besides all that, the point made that men basically don't receive compliments is also true. If anything we get the opposite. I'm one of the "nice guys", I also like to think of myself as a good looking guy and yet girls still seem to dismiss me. And yes, I do remember each of the very few times I've been complimented by a girl.
At this point I don't know why I'm typing this out but here I am. I appreciate your video although it doesn't make me feel all too good. All I know is I have a plan for my future and although it may not help with the broken marriage part of my life and the fears that come with it, I'm still going to make the best of what I can do.
Robbie.
Robbie, I pray you find someone who absolutely adores everything about you. You are worthy of finding that, you are deserving of a loving, supportive, encouraging relationship.
I hope you find that sir❤️
@@brittneys6904 Thank you Brittany. It means a lot to hear that from someone else, even if you don't know me, I know you're right. I hope the same for you :-)
@@skaterdog6242 You have a plan for your future. You have self awareness. You are doing incredibly well.
Forget “financial freedom” right now. That’s unrealistic and incompatible with family life in my experience. A small few can retire at 30. Don’t expect that of yourself. And dont expect a perfect family expect a functional one!
You make some very good points. Modern culture has successfully abandoned the family unit and that has negative effects on everybody. Financial systems are geared to profit from divorce and housing markets have raised so much that it takes two or more income sources to just survive. Our owners have designed a lose lose situation for everybody, but uniquely difficult for men.
GREAT!🎉 Thanks for the explanation of why I was feeling anxious, it makes a WHOLE lot of sense. Now I'm even more anxious because I'm asking myself how to fix this. As you have explanied in other of your videos: we men focus on clear straightforward solutions once we are faced with a problem. Your video is great in facing us with the problem, but we are left at the middle, we need the other half of the homework: how do I fix this problem I wasn't even gaven the opportunity to chiose participate in it or not? It is really unfair
Hi there. The good news is that there are over 475 videos on this channel now, nice I made this one at the beginning, so there are a lot more answers. I also have a book, a course, a community, and personal coaching to help, depending on how fast you want to fix this. If you're looking for immediate steps you can email me at Support@AdamLaneSmith.com.
this needs to be going viral
I agree. Get the word out.
i love your content and it describes me
I'm so glad to hear that, which part in particular describes you?
@@AttachmentAdam i dont remember but i was a needy incel with anxious/avoidant attachment and hid away in games and anime. but im also interested in all of these topics of insecurity and have started datng this year.
Damn. I've never thought about the societal impact that each generation has on culture as a whole. I wish this was the type of stuff that would get talked about in history classes so that the upcoming generation would understand the problems that exist, how it has come about, and then learn how to implement changes to shift culture in a way that we don't feel so disconnected from each other. While of course also educating the general public as well of these issues so that we can all work together to shift towards a more functional connected society.
Thinking about how our minds were built biologically for villages helps me make sense of why there is a sense of safety, belonging, purpose, and community in contexts such as small-mid sized companies (100-200 people) and in college where we see the same people regularly and help each other out while working towards a similar challenging goal that we all (hopefully) care about.
If this is interesting to you, I do an even deeper dive into the topic in my new Attachment Bootcamp course. I also show how you can re-create this village in modern day so you get all of your needs met instead of feeling alone and isolated. And I show you how to crush any self hatred so you can respect yourself and get your needs met. Click the link here and take 10% off with the launch discount: adamlanesmith.com/courses/
It may be helpful to speak with your parents and grandparents about their childhood challenges. Building a family tree can also bring this alive.
barely a boomer here (born right at the end) and I love this...sorry to disappoint anyone's expectation of a boomer! ;-).
(sorry/not sorry).
Another great one. Will forward.
Boomers tend to be hit or miss for healthy attachment, but the good ones are REALLY good because they watched this whole thing crash and did their best to get their families through it. Thanks for carrying the torch.
Excellent Content! 👏🏼 The Generational differences has always interested me. Any good book recommendations, Adam? I would love some resources to learn more!
My book Slaying Your Fear is $5 on Amazon and shows exactly how to fix this.
@@AttachmentAdam how to fix what? Is this an automated message? 🙄
Specifically how to fix the generational attachment issues I outlined in the video. I provided 24 minutes of outlining the problem. My book provides the solution. You asked for a book recommendation, and that book is part 2 of this conversation.
Can't wait on your video to show why women are this way I have a feeling their history goes back a lot further
I spoke with a cultural analyst who estimated the female piece goes back to the 1860s.
And it doesn't help that society appears to romantisise the stoic, emotionless man that can face any catasthrophe without caring, and pushes through pain they could avoid as if it was the only reasonable thing to do.
That has been a modern invention that stems from a number of social factors. Men have never been expected to perform as emotionless robots until the modern era, and it is not healthy.
@@AttachmentAdam It certainly isn't healthy. Current society is full of problems when it comes to mental health. It's almost as if it's aim is causing the greatest amount of problems as possible.
That would seem to be one possible aim. Reliance on systems to care for us, whether government or corporate. A healthy person does not need half as many products, medications, or safety nets. Because they've built themselves and their communities into self-sustaining systems.
@@AttachmentAdam Though, at the same time, it looks like they are desperate.
What they are trying to do is, objectivelly, absurd and against human nature, and they are doing wild and incoherent moves to make it work somehow.
Like people catched up to their bullshit and now they are trying to gather straws to try to make something.
It's destined to collapse... But not without causing as much suffering as possible.
An example of that is the current LGBT+ situation in the US, where they are making absolutely bonkers moves that go against basic human rights to gather votes and exercise control.
The most drastic is that legislation taht recently got passed that categorises providing a young person with gender affirming care a felony with a bigger punishment than homicide.
It's a country-scale tragedy what's happening in that country becasue their government refuses to let that control over the people go.
Painting w/ some fairly broad strokes here, but no doubt a certain amount of truth too….I strongly suggest a follow-up on both some micro & macro strategies to (possibly) stem the tide of this decay & dysfunction….maybe even some groups/networks forming on the ground/grassroots level….if nothing else they might improve the isolation problem among men - which runs deep.
Yes working on improving the isolation is a key part of the solution. Have you seen isolation causing problems in the men you know?
Great
Which part hit best?
@@AttachmentAdam Found you on TWTR after Musk buy it. there is still hope we can save our generation without great war or 29-33 repeat :) You are the beacon of light in those dark days :)
Yes we can. There is SO MUCH hope. It just takes work. Knowing what to do and believing it can work is half of the battle.
The part about not having a hug is 5 to 10 years shouldn’t have been as hilarious as it was 😭 (it’s true tho)
I hear you, it’s one of those facts that makes you laugh and then cry. What has your experience been with physical affection since hitting adulthood?
Get real plants! I replace all the plastic plants in my old office with real plants, easy-care ones that you have to water like once a week. And it honestly made a difference in the office. It's like something was filtering out some of the negativity
Thanks for the suggestion.
As a 20 years man extremely insecure and anxious as fuck even tho i date a lot of woman (none of then being from next door) this shit was fascinating and clarifying, i feel like i took a class i wanted a Lot but didnt know that even exist.
You’re not at all alone. This is a huge problem for a lot of men. The next step is fixing it. And it CAN be fixed.
This is me. Took 4/5 years to slowly descend from being very happy to being miserable and disfunctional.
I am so sorry, there are so many people dropping into misery right now and it's terrible. How are you doing with pulling out of the dive? If you need some extra help, shoot me an email at Support@AdamLaneSmith.com and I can share some resources that should help.
Let's just call the friends we all grey up with and spend time with them instead of videogames drugs and pornography. We don't need the fake ways to enjoy our time and experience escapism. People should be with other people. That's how we build a healthy environment.
Deeper connections and real love is definitely the answer. How are you doing with those better connections?
Adam great work by you Maan. Love from India. ❤️. Here we have a lot more functional families here but the future looks very bleak to me. We are following west in many regards and I wish we could take only the good parts and still carry on our traditional functional families and ties.
Hi, thank you for taking the time to comment. I always love hearing from people in India. A lot of people say my ideas sound like Indian family arrangements. Or rather, the best version of them, which many families unfortunately don't experience. The West seems to be bleeding into every other culture, or else the global economy is pulling everyone into the same crab bucket mentality so that the issues are spreading. I hope India and every other nation can restore their healthy families and build stronger systems to adapt to the changing global systems. It all has to begin with families.
But now I'm curious. How are your experiences with family in India? Do you see many of the same issues spreading? Or are they different issues?
@@AttachmentAdam the previous generations to us. I am 22. So my parents and all the parents I know most of them have a loving family. A few years back we used to have many families visiting each other. Now that is reduced. There were a lot more community events happening and now they don't. All these is because of increased digitisation and perhaps the lack of time people have in their lives. On the family front. The divorce rates in Indian metropolitan is increasing. 40 percent at the moment which is very wrong given that marriage had a very sacred meaning in India. Promiscuity and general acceptance of low grade behaviour is becoming normalised and worst of all its seen as modernization or liberation or fight against patriarchy. It's sad but personally in my friend circle there are people with very healthy view of life and family and I blessed to have those and people like you who value virtues and principles in life
Good afternoon Adam, thanks so much for your valuable content. Could you do a video on couples who can’t agree on the number of children they have? We have three, I’m a SAHM and money isn’t an issue but my husband doesn’t want more. I feel incredibly frustrated about the situation. Thank you.
How many more do you want?
@@AttachmentAdam Thanks for the reply. I would like one more. I married him at 24 and by 26 had our first child, a boy. Less than two years after that a second. After that he unilaterally decided he was going to get a vasectomy despite my protests. He felt that two were enough. I was obviously devastated having to face the end of my maternity at only age 28. Three years later he decided to undo the op so we could try for a third. We struggled as he has fertility issues and only through IVF three years after that did we fall pregnant with our little girl. I didn’t want to go the IVF route because I felt it to be invasive and the whole egg freezing thing is an ethical minefield for me. My older boys are now turning 14 and 12 respectively and our little one is 3. It’s ok now the boys are crazy about her but she will grow up largely alone once they are off to university. I’ve just turned 40 and I’m fit and healthy but time isn’t exactly on my side. My husband is 49 and thinks he is too old for more kids. Obviously it’s decision that takes two but I feel like I want a fourth kid more than he doesn’t want one if that makes sense. It’s causing havoc in our marriage as I feel like he has played around with my maternity somewhat.
@@elizabethrose4091 Why doesn’t he want more?
Great video! But i believe the title should say “insecure” instead of “unsecure”
This does speak to me, but I can also sense a whole lot of ideological potential from the story that you are telling us and that is scaring me to death ☠️
There is a lot of negative potential here, and that is why it is crucial every person heal their attachment so they do not fall prey to anyone trying to convince them to surrender control of their life or behavior in exchange for comfort or safety. Healthy men can resist corruption and temptation.
actually, i think this is illuminating to my own life. i dont think i had a bad childhood but i definitely didn't get particularly interested in the dating scene that people felt was necessary. now that im what would historically be old i find that im wishing for the old methods again. weird
You are not alone at all in this desire! Many others feel the same, too.
The road less travelled is a great book that explains it very well. The hole( western)world needs to hear your message ))
This is a widespread problem for sure, and more need to hear about it. Has this been a challenge in your life and relationships?
Yes it has, big problem
What can I do to help you fix this? I've got a number of options, what kind of support or guidance are you looking for?
Hey Adam, do you know what anime specifically you talk about in this video? Is it komi (and other anime like it)? Your diagnosis of the problems men face today captures the reason it appeals to people like me. I think I'll check out your book. Thanks for all you do.
Hey PBK, thanks for commenting. A better example might be My Dress Up Darling, the romantic comedy slice of life genre.
I know the book will be useful to you. I'm curious, what made this topic resonate with you personally?
@@AttachmentAdam as a lonely guy who's spent the last two years studying and working from home watching videos from anonymous CZcamsrs analyzing the societal decline and watching anime and reading vns as a substitute for intimate relationships it basically touches on everything that pushes my buttons. I think the biggest thing though is simply the exploration of just how bad men have it or at least how bad it seems from a perspective that's kind of like mine. I'm fairly lucky with my job and family but my luck with relationships is bad to say the least.
It’s truly a crime that more people aren’t talking about the male side of the equation. But I have seen a recent rise of women talking about it with brothers, sons, and husbands who are suffering. Have you seen much of that yet?
@@AttachmentAdam hmm not really outside my family. Some writing and other work by Default Friend touches on it but in my personal life we don't really talk about it, maybe I'll bring it up next time I'm talking to them but i have to work on phrasing the question so it doesnt make me sound like a doomer.
The doomer thing is real, and I hear wanting to avoid the blackpill feel. I respect that. What if you could present it not as a problem with no hope but as an issue that needs a solution, then present the solution, and talk about how to improve life for all involved? What would that do?
Thank you for acknowledging gen y. So many people just group us into the Millennial generation and we couldn't be more different. The only things that we have in common is our obsessive following of statistics of the cultural collapse.
It's a shame how Gen Y gets completely overlooked and forgotten. There are so many silent and hardworking people in that generation who are holding things together and no one recognizes it.
@@AttachmentAdam Lol I'm hard working for sure, but I wouldn't say that I'm particularly holding it together. I've taken my beatings and learned how to make showing my teeth look like a smile and try to stay calm in the corner I'm backed into and doing my best not to snap.
I think Gen Y is the generation that we'll remember as the Abandoned Generation long term. In my opinion Gen Y is probably the one that has been most effected by the social collapse in the current world. We grew up in dual parent households and if we didn't we recognized that a single parent household wasn't a good thing; we saw all the movies with functional communities and healthy relationships. We recognized that meeting people in a bar was a recipe for disaster and that if you did date them it was only supposed to be for fun unless there was something particularly special about them.
I think most of us are ready to go to war over this collapse. This isn't the country nor western civilization that we grew up with; this isn't the country or culture we were introduced to via our patriotic songs. We've been robbed and it happened from within by weaponized stupidity with women as the vessel. We'll be lucky if we still have a functional western civilization by the time I die.
interesting video
Favorite part?
@@AttachmentAdam didn't really have a favorite. just thought the entire video was interesting and thought provoking.
Very cool, thank you.
How to help my wife who grew up without a father and have insecurity/anxiety/attachment issues?
She get so anxious and angry over tiny things.
Check the videos on my channel, I’ve got a LOT of guides for this stuff. My book Slaying Your Fear is $5 and shows the complete fix.
We absolutely live in the worst timeline 100%... stoicism is difficult, dark humor only helps so much.
Thanks for your time and your video. Also one more layer, your service and many others? It’s expensive so we feel as if we have to get rich and have money, to ask for help, to get coaching, to approach women, to date. With how expensive everything is becoming someone making 35-60k is barely keeping up, and Womens hypergamy is only setting the bar higher and higher.
Hi there. Keep in mind that there are many layers of help. Yes my direct time and attention cost more than my book, my coaching community, or my course. But those things are also available, and a motivated person is very much able to get the help they need.
Born in 1989. Parents married and divorced each other twice.
I just want a woman to love, and enough time & money to enjoy life with my family and friends.
Seems like it’ll take a lot of money and self discipline to accomplish this, but I’m getting closer.
It does seem like the financial goalposts are being moved by our culture right now. How are you doing with learning the process for finding a partner? Did you catch my newest 3-date method video?
@@AttachmentAdamI don’t think so, I’ll watch them. Thank you
Holy shit this is a deep jab. I grew up in a neighborhood of boomers, most of which were absolute assholes, I only had 1 set of non boomer neighbors, it was this big latin family, but I wasn't even allowed to interact with their children because the parents were superstitious of my autism. I barely had any kids my age to grow up with essentially. I grew up essentially alone, I never could keep friends in school, I couldn't retain my friends in the BSA, I am pretty much just an anxious mess who only really knows how to stuff to do alone, despite this fact, I feel alone, I'm starved for affection, and I mostly escape into games now just to escape my thoughts...
These are huge flags for sure. You've been checking out my channel for a bit now, have you looked at the videos covering attachment styles? Do you match with one of them in particular?
So one thing I wanted to talk about was the idea that we were meant to live like we were back 100 years ago. I believe we aren’t even close to the way we should truly be living as a species, i believe we reach that when we are able to space travel, there would not be planets or stars if that wasn’t the case, and even more unlikely is how our planet happens to have materials we can use to do that.
Right now is the horrible ugly time where we are barely being introduced to technology and we are the Guinea pigs to find out if being glued to a phone and being our lifeline is going to have consequences or not. What it’s like to have an avatar on the internet be your identity instead of your actual identity? We are barely learning how to make things more efficient and sort of caring about being humane to each other. Once we get to the point of thinking as a planet as a whole it will be where us as a species is living our best life. Right now we are overdoing technology instead of finding the balance, like you said, we over rely on others that if things crumbled most men wouldn’t know what to do.
No one in the past has had the right way to live a life, we have no idea what we are doing because there are only 2000 years of recorded history, imagine ten thousand years in the future how much we’d know, how much we’ll have. Not that your wrong, I’m sure many people were happy working with the land, having a more simple life. Like for me my only missing goal left is finding a job that is just busywork that pays well, I don’t care about being a millionaire but a lot of people are insecure because they can’t achieve what everyone else can.
Are you saying we evolved to live as a spacefaring race? If so, what conditions are you suggesting we foster now in our relationships and lifestyles to alleviate the pain of modern disconnectedness?
I'm a Millennial woman and I feel life my has been ruined by the environment/society (and of course my own ignorance), and now I'm trying to pick up the pieces and learn all the traditional values I haven't learned. I also think that feminism created an immense separation among humans in general.
I would recommend the movie Looper. Spoilers below but this isn't the main plot. Its mainly a sci fi action but it covers some of the points made here. Mostly about the modern dating scene and the need for intimacy rather than sex.
The MC keeps going to basically a brothel to see a particular girl. However they lie there and all he asks her to do is run her fingers through his hair. She doesn't really get it but tries her best to oblige. It doesn't really work for him either but he keeps going back. Often trying to ask her on a date. One night she's busy and can't see him at all. So he turns to drugs. A major accident is narrowly avoided.
I think many guys are somewhat on the same page just less extreme. I've found my self in a slightly similar situation. Almost 30 years old never been in a relationship. Casual sex doesn't cut it and isn't really wanted. Human connections and romance is what's needed. But the modern dating scene just doesn't provide that at all.
I live alone though visit my parents regularly. That is my whole circle, my whole tribe. That idea of us being a bit like that sole survivor of a tribe feels true for me. It's just impossible to find or interact with the right people. Let alone form any kind of relationship.
If you asked me to name one woman I know my age I wouldn't be able to give you one. Sad really.
Spot on. Human connections and romance make the world go round.
Thanks for that insightful analysis of the generations.
Here’s a funny thing. My mother used to say the tragedy for England about WW1 is that the they lost a generation of their most handsome men.
English men were not as good looking anymore.
This is harsh, but with a kernel of truth. So many men were lost to both death and despair. It was a harsh time, and our attachment cycles are still struggling because of that damage.
And so many small towns lost their healthiest men to the wars. They never really recovered and then people left for the cities.
So what do we do? To fix this? Are we just doomed?
Not doomed at all. There are a number of ways to fix this. Check out many of my guides on here, or read my book, or email me for help. I'm happy to give guidance to help men beat this.
As a rebellious pastors son millennial, i hated my baby boomer parents for being so blissfully ignorant. Thankfully i grew up and we all get along fine now. I still dislike their ignorance but... you work with what you got.
Hello, my english is not good so i had to "make you repeat" sometimes. But it really makes sense! Even in Europe. Narcissism of the baby boomers made the nowadays generation really selfdestructive. But i feel there is some youngers wanting to learn by themselves skills that are so much usefull for them and their loving ones, like hunting, building, cooking and a lot to make themselves self sufficient. In France there is a lot of people in countryside making a lot of self sufficent homes and farms. Even if it triggers a lot of "revolutionnaries".. Imagine being a revolution guy that is not working, waiting for state helps, spitting on people that are surviving on their own lul.
Yes, I hear you. The whole West has been broken. We must work together to build healthy families and communities again.
I really appreciate this video’s perspective, I have never thought about intergenerational trauma resulting from the world wars, however there is alot I’m concerned about from this video as well. To preface, I find it somewhat painful when I look for male support content online and it comes back down to being conservative propaganda, not to accuse you of that, but I hate the stigma around it. It annoys me when people blame women rather then realise they are suffering in a different way.
The thing I’m concerned about with this video, is that without providing a solution, you have allowed this interpretation. Which is furthermore supporter again with a few comments you make as well. Gen Z leaning conservative, is arguable and really depends on the country, as well as hard to understand when they support things like lgbt rights and abortion rights essentially as much as millennials. Also with Baby Boomers selfishness, while casual sex, drugs and porn do somewhat perpetuate some problems, it is possible for them to exist in a healthy society, I know you never made a specific point about it, and attributed it to being a coping mechanism, but you do repeat “sex and drugs” a few times, it kind of implies a negative perspective.
In my opinion mens liberation goes in tandem with women’s liberation, returning to past values will make more women unhappy, and pushing forward without acknowledging men will make more men unhappy. That’s another reason why I find lack of progressive mens movements disheartening.
As a final point on the new generations and technology. The new generations are doing it right. Right now they are forming new communities online, and even in VR. They are more inclined to support each other, and work together (maybe because they need each other to survive against declining mental health, maybe because after a few generations of trauma it begins to heal, or maybe because technology is advancing once again in a way we aren’t expecting. Or even all these reasons)
They have essentially abandoned family values because they have seen how much our modern concept of nuclear families have failed, and are coming together in communities in ways we haven’t seen before, at least since ancient humanity. And… I think… they are right.
I would say the solution lies with them, the kids, forming these communities, online and in person, talking about and being more open with mental health and working with women rather then against. This is my perspective though, and I would really like to hear yours on what we do moving forward.
As you said, "They have essentially abandoned family values because they have seen how much our modern concept of nuclear families have failed, and are coming together in communities in ways we haven’t seen before, at least since ancient humanity." That was the essence of my video. So it sounds like we agree on the solution. Humans are not meant to live as we are currently living, and we must understand the environments we came from so we can build new systems that account for ancient needs. I discuss this extensively in my earlier video "Why modern women are so anxious," which it sounds like you'd enjoy.
Dang you described my dad perfectly with critique on boomers destroying their first family then starting a new family to get it right and destroying that one as well and then me millennialing without any tools for a healthy productive life
I wish it wasn't true, but sadly it has shown up again and again.
My one comment is that its important not to romanticize any era, including the WW1 era which had its problems..
For the last year ive been living in a post soviet country within a rural village which I argue mimics that era in some ways ( helping neighbors who have lived nearby for generations, lack of indoor plumbing, every yard having gardens and orchards, most families owning cows)
However, along with that kind of outword communal lifestyle of "openness" comes the potential for domestic violence and child abuse going unchecked as the idea of not interfereing with another family's life seems to have been a value here until recently.
Men definitely bond more here and fight and make up! I agree with you there.
I don't see any strong examples of men being emotionally vulnerable in village life.
Further, the parties that are organized around holidays are traditional, meaning the women do all the labor whilst the men sit at the opposite side of the table and drink and eat. The women then clean up afterwards. That being said, the men do the difficult manual labor outside along with cutting logs and butchering animals. I'm not saying that women are outworking men in the society, but the celebration time is not shared in an equal way that would suggest strong bonds within relationships.
The bonds are there but they are different. If a man is overly controlling, this is considered normal rather than toxic. The most important thing is to procreate and make more children after marriage, not the emotional happiness of the people on the relationship.
I think you are pretty spot on, and I don't think you are glorifying the era just discussing the juxtaposition of family bonds between 2 era-which i agree with you! Families here are definitely not broken how they are in the USA! But like in that WW1 era, the economy is too weak to be able to leave a toxic bond even if you wanted to.
It just seems messy... anyway I hope people don't take this the wrong way.. no disrespect intended just to share feelings that are very close to my heart that I'm still trying to process my experiences.
Thank you always for your brilliant content.
Thank you for the thoughtful feedback, and you're right, it's best not to pretend any era was perfect. I view this more through the lens of saying we had 5 safety nets in place during those times, and now we have zero. So while we may have created options for individuals to escape from bad systems, they have nowhere meaningful to escape to. And now they can't even form initial relationships in the first place.
I feel like this is true for some but there are also alot of blanket statements near the middle. What he said about anime was spot on, the cute rom coms like my dress up darling make me feel like I'm missing something in my life because Marin Kitagawa is such a wholesome girl
I think you're right that the romcom genre hits a need for people that's missing. What specifically do you feel is missing in your life that's present in the characters' lives?
And yes, Marin is too pure for the Internet.
@@AttachmentAdam I can't really describe what is missing but I guess using Marin as an example, she doesn't care what others think of her in the sense that she is going to love what she loves as well as defend it. She is also really supportive of Gojo throughout the show and showed him what it's like to have a friend that won't judge him but also values him as a man and as a friend. Marin is the most beautiful girl in the school but doesn't hold back when building Gojo up, at the end of the day thoough she isn't real because no woman can be as perfect as Marin. Everyone has their flaws. I can't really describe what I feel is missing because you don't know what you're missing if you've never really had something of that caliber before
One key understanding to Marin's character is that she has very strong and secure attachment. Most men idolizing her character don't recognize that many of her relationship behaviors are simply healthy ones that most societies foster in women when they feel secure and have healthy role models. Yes, some of her behaviors are outlandish and done for the audience, but the majority of her character is simply secure attachment. And that's shocking to observe.
This video just reminds me one time, when I was 12 yo and then I asked to my dad for an advice about how to talk a girl I liked and maybe ask for a date, and his a his answer was: "you better work and study hard because you're going to supply your family".
I was a child feeling in love, I just don't want to marry that girl (yet, not now or ever). So I discovered I couldn't asked him for advises for this situations or talk with him about things I wanted to share with him but I had to work with him on house maintenance obligated because "its what men do", but force instead for an intent of father-and-son relationship.
One of last moments I could spend with him was eating and drinking beers with him and saying "we were talking now like men" but I was sure that wasn't what I mean. Now I'm almost alone, just one work from home job, living at parents house because unstable economy and a resolution, once losing it, I will take my life, because there's no more chances for work for my at my age and current scholar level, I'll be a lot better buried instead breathing but that gives me comfort of knowing there's a scape route.
I don’t know you but I love you man.
I hope through watching this video you realize you are not alone. My channel is all about giving solutions to this problem to help build relationship intimacy that satisfies us. I've got a ton of resources out there to improve your life and connection to those around you. Please use them. You can build a better life faster than you realize.
How can anyone have time for their kids now when they have to work away from home?
That is a very good question.
You explained the problem very well from this angle. It's weird though because I grew up in a stable traditional family with great parents, so I think the extent to which I have any "attachment" issues might have to do more with the side effects of its prevalence in the culture. I think. For example I only had a small number (~3?) of good female friends growing up (though it wasn't really until high school). That said, AI and VR are quite impressive in these early stages and it seems that their intersection will soon rival and eventually greatly surpass the possibilities you can expect from this damaged culture, so I will hold out for my anime waifu whom I've already promised myself to. No point risking hurting or so much as bothering human women.
What are you hoping to build in the long-term as far as a legacy? The human impact?
@@AttachmentAdam This is the hard question, I suppose... A few years ago I did Jordan Peterson's "Self Authoring" program to try to figure out such things, though I wasn't in a good mental state at the time, so perhaps I should try it again, but it is such a big undertaking that it is something that gets eternally put off. There are many issues that get me fired up to work on, some more for humanity such as sustainable energy and crypto (I'm an engineer) and others for more selfish reasons like creating music and virtual worlds, but I'm torn between dozens of interests and the passion fizzles out quickly once I hit a wall. In the end I end up doing almost nothing out of indecisiveness and lack of energy. I realized that if I don't figure something out, I will spend the rest of my life watching CZcams all day while my folders of canceled projects pile up. I am content with that future, but part of me is not okay with the wasted potential.
Do you have a method of answering those questions you posed?
Is it beneficial to homeschool for healthy attachment or sometimes harmful?
Strongly dependent on the emotional attachment health in the parents.
I hope you're right about there being hope for young men everywhere. But is there hope for men my age? I'm 48 years old and have been in the dating market for about 4 years now after my second divorce. It's looking pretty bleak. Will I ever find my life partner, who I've been searching for my whole life? Please tell me there's hope.
Based on the women in my private community the Attachment Circle and they're looking for women in your age group - Yes, there's a lot of hope. You're in a dwindling group of men at that age who present as options for an increasing population of women looking for a loving partner. You just need to make sure you're maximizing your appeal and dating skills so they recognize you're the right person for them.
@@AttachmentAdam Thank you. I'm really glad I found your channel. It's a refreshing alternative to a lot of the negative "red pill" nonsense out there!
I really like the video, but I think you should put more emphasis on sistemic problems, because I feel like it's easy to misinterpret some of your ideas. But yea, I absolutelly agree. I'm always making sure that man around me are feeling loved in this not sexualized way. It's really imporatant to try and reach out to someone who needs it. And I always offer a hug when someone doesn't look so good, and don't really want to talk. Offer a hug! It means a lot to anyone
The kindness you show to others might just be saving lives. Thank you for taking the time to extend human warmth to those in need.
You are hitting a hard nail because I am 24 , was born 97 the first year of the zoomer generation and I feel that I am fucked up.
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There’s another massive genre of anime that has been popular for 10+ years now and in the last 2-3 has become stupidly pervasive to the detriment of the once diverse medium: “isekai.”
Isekai literally involves a typically male main character, possibly dying and reincarnating into a fantasy world, or engaging in VR or other means, living out a more meaningful life in an alternate world than reality. Pretty much always, that alternate world, no matter how cruel it’s painted out to be, is a world that the main character actually thrives in and exerts far more control and dominance than their real world. And they commonly experience far more love and affection - frequently all of their female companions are romantic and sexual opportunities to them.