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Why you want to be alone, but hate that you always feel lonely| HealingFa.com | HealingFa.com
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- čas přidán 16. 08. 2024
- You are not the only one, you are not alone in this feeling. A lot of people feel like they want to be alone, but hate that they always feel lonely. You might think that you are an extreme introvert, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Healing the fearful avoidant attachment style can change this feeling a lot. In this video, we will dive into why we have this feeling as a fearful avoidant.
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--- Contents --
00:00 Intro
01:46 Trauma
06:00 How to connect
08:56 Rejection
11.11. Healing
Sign up for the FREE 3-day course:
The Basics of Healing the Fearful Avoidant attachment style at www.healingfa.com
Video Title: Why you want to be alone, but hate that you always feel lonely.
This video is about Why you want to be alone, but hate that you always feel lonely, but It also covers the following topics:
Introverts
Childhood trauma
Fearful avoidant attachment style
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
✅ Stay Connected With Me.
👉Facebook: / healingthefearfulavoidant
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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is possible. You are not too broken.
After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
For Collaboration and Business inquiries, please use the contact information below:
📩 Email: hello@healingthefearfulavoidant.com
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
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#fearfulavoidant
#introvert
#attachmentstyles
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your research.
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© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant
The dichotomy between the wanting a partner and distancing and not wanting one is exhausting...this in my experience can get to a point where turning your back on relationships for good is am option...yes trauma is the root and it can help I would imagine 😊
I always struggle with this same problem! When you type is out - I want a relationship so badly but if they get too close to me I'm running for the hills - that sounds crazy. But is literally the fearful avoidant experience. I guess trust is the only answer, if we can find someone who "may" be trustworthy, after we test them some, diving in and trying to be vulnerable and trusting.
Yes you have it right, time and trust is maybe the most important but it feels so weird to just struggle so much
@@readingnarcissism Yeah but we didn't have that emotional support system growing up that a lot of people do that makes you feel secure and confident as an adult
@@iloveToolyes, the emotional support is difficult as an adult as a result, having to guess my way through it all 😊
@@iloveTool It's not my business to give advice but I think the problem is not finding someone who may be trustworthy. Even you find them it's you. Problem is not what are you looking at, the problem is your eyeglasses.
Thank you for your channel. Being a FA feels so damning sometimes. I'm 32 and came across the concept around a year ago. Before I just thought I was a really weird and bad person sometimes. I was so mad that I just did not function. I have a fair amount of childhood trauma but young adulthood was way worse and I sometimes feel too broken. I guess I need a lot of time to heal and knowing how FA works helps me understand myself and navigate this world a lot more.
I'm so glad you now know you are not weird and bad :) That's healing in and of itself! You function perfectly, given the circumstances you had. Now it's time to rewrite the narrative and function in a way that is serving you in your life right now.
9:40 No wonder being with people feels exhausting. I remember saying once to a boyfriend.. I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be.😢 Not too happy, not too sad, not too much. It's hard to just be yourself when the world has told you 'you are not ok just as you are'.
OMG you’re explaining me to a T. I have felt like there is something inherently wrong with me my whole life. I deal with chronic pain for the last 11 years and have dealt with invasive breast cancer (alone) and I know it is my trauma coming out in my body. I just started therapy and I REALLY hope I can heal as you did. I’m so tired of being alone and long for a relationship but end up ghosting every guy I even start to date. Please pray for me and I will pray for all of you 🙏🏼
It’s so scary. I will pray for you. 🦋🌸🌲
🙏🏼 thank you for praying for me. I pray you will heal also.
I can definitely relate to most of this- I have the emotional dis-regulation and dread/exhaustion with people, but I do not have too much of the caring what others want or maybe I am unaware of it. I am not a pleaser I am not afraid of people I just don't like them. I am unsure I can get to the place you seem to be. 🤔
I understand this whole heartedly
Here I am too🖐 when young I really really hated being alone, no friends but then it became an habit and I thought I was a lonewolf that sometimes feels lonely.. until I realized it's because I'm an FA but still I love so much my alone time, the peace I have. I have some close friends now that I cherish
I think I’ve healed my attachment style with a combination of your videos and therapy and a secure supportive partner. Thank you so much
I'm grateful to have stumbled across this channel. Before understanding avoidant attachment, I've always thought of myself as a "failed extravert". I'm glad that resources like this exist to help me rewrite the narrative. Thank you :)
Ah yes, please rewrite that narrative! You are not a failed anything. Just a misunderstood everything :)
As an FA I can relate to this so much
Thank you so much for your videos and explaining this stuff to us. I have learned a lot about fearful avoidant attachment but your channel is unique in that you hit topics not found anywhere else on CZcams about FA. It helps to get a clearer understanding of what drives all our behaviors. Rather than just living life on autopilot all the time reacting to everything and not knowing why. The best knowledge comes from an actual healed FA like yourself, straight from the source.
Hello! I absolutely love your videos. I am an FA and trying to understand how to do condition from "performing" in my romantic relationships. In the moment, I am blind to what I want and need, and only reflect on it after I'm out of their presence. Like their energy drowns out the real me. Do you have any book suggestions?
Hello Paulien! Found your channel a few days ago and loving every videos. For someone who is an FA and also diagnosed with OCD, CPTSD
& Autism, your content is a life saver. I'm 29 years old and the years before, I went on living thinking that I was just a horrible person but your content helps me sooooooo much in really understanding myself and to take the steps to heal. Thank you so much and wish you all the best!
Thank you so much for this. Something I needed to hear for a while now. All the best
hi Paulien! a bit of an offtopic but have you considered putting your content on Spotify as well, in a form a podcast? it would make listening to it so much easier!
Such a good idea! We will definitely consider that!
@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 thanks! would be super cool!
I’m wondering something, how does it make it easier for you?
@@chilloften I don't have CZcams Premium so the video stops playing when my phone's screen gets dark. I also can't download it to listen to it when offline. But I do have Spotify Premium which solves both of these issues
@@nannuky1128 aha, I see. My iPhone stays on. Perhaps you can change a setting. It shouldn’t be going dark on a video while playing it. I don’t have CZcams tv either
I haven't realized that my nervous system was stuck in freeze mode
Ah yes, it gets like that when there's trauma involved! While your nervous system is actually meant to be flexible! Not even continuously in safe mode, just flexible.
@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Thank you for the reminder 🙏
I am wondering if being neuro-divergent (esp. autism spectrum) is also a form of trauma response? Many of the symptoms in this video apply to people on the spectrum.
I really don't know enough about this to speak on this topic, but it is really interesting!
Yes I find this topic really interesting too. I had a conversation with a psychiatrist and she thinks maybe I have autism. But she also said that symptoms of trauma and symptoms of autism can look the same and also reinforce eachother and therefore it can be hard to know if it is autism or trauma or both. I can't imagine I have autism, I think it is 'just' the Fearful Avoidant Attachement Style but on the other hand, the symptoms of autism are often really different in woman then in man and there are a lot of woman who got a diagnose of a personality disorder for example and later in life they got a diagnosis of autism (too). So yeah, really really interesting, makes me wonder indeed if autism is/could be a form of a trauma response. I think Gabor Maté has work on this.
@@mirjam7872 I came across this very recent video that speaks about the overlaps. Very interesting.
czcams.com/video/wnTlIx7tbos/video.htmlsi=rLACE3N6Rw7wbz7r
I think the part of the brain that leads to neuro divergence is affected the same way in both trauma and autism. Obviously, I'm not a neuroscientist, but from what I've researched, it makes sense. Many trauma survivors are disassociated from their emotions, either because it was easier for them to cope that way. Or they have alexythimia (sp?) which makes it hard to connect with one's emotions.
Thank you for address it
Thank you. Listening to these videos helps me feel more normal and like I'm not the only one going through this.
Bukowski said something like, its not that i dislike most people im just happier when im not around them🤔
I’m always getting blamed. Like today, I took my car for repairs to muffler as it failed an inspection for registration here in NC.
I am not a mechanic, at all. So I tell them the issue of how it can’t pass and also that I need it to pass.
They repair my car for and hour and a half and I pay and leave. I go up the street and back to inspection and the guy starts my car and fails me saying it’s to loud.
I go back to the shop and say I just paid for repair yet my car still fails due to muffler.
Then…it felt like they turned on me and just want to do more further work that would now take 5 more hours and costs three times more than what I’d already paid them.
When this was unacceptable business to me I was getting yelled at to stop yelling, which I was not yelling, I was being assertive.
Anyway.
Does anybody understand?
Hey Paulien
How do I stop checking (compulsion) when it comes so automatic?!
AhhHHhHHHhhHHHHhhH