Emotional Reasoning- The Cognitive Distortion that makes you Emotionally Reactive - Anxiety 18/30
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- čas přidán 3. 01. 2024
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In this video I’m going to teach you an important skill to be less emotionally reactive. Essentially, how to control your emotions. Emotions lie to you all the time. But they feel so real. They are very powerful motivators, but they aren’t always accurate. In this video you’ll learn how to be less emotionally reactive by learning to combat emotional reasoning. You’ll learn 4 ways to slow yourself down in an intense moment and 3 steps to combating emotional reasoning. We'll also talk for a minute about the difference between emotions and intuition.
Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion where you believe that something is true simply because it feels true. You use emotions as your evidence, instead of logic or, you know, evidence.
If you want to control your emotions, you need to learn how to recognize emotional reasoning and replace it with a combination of logic and values-based decision making. This is a fundamental skill from CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy.
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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"Emotions lie to you all the time. But they feel so real." Thank you! I really needed that reminder!!!
"Your reactions are always valid but your actions to your reactions are not always valid". Something I heard forever ago, but I do think we can learn to be less emotionally reactive for sure!
Reacting aggressively is in our nature though, see other cultures (non-western)
@@CS-zn4bu I know it is- but we can still take time to make the habit of stopping for a second before reacting.
That's true and also civilized. @@heyitsC1
Thank you. "I am not my sensations. Emotions are sensations. I am not my emotions."
But emotions are still a powerful force in driving you to action, correct?
hopefully you think before you act and with your heart. I mean, people who commit murder are usually feeling pretty emotional@@sethtenrec
@@JenniferKastelic that’s the idea, but this video is pointing out that it’s not that easy. Most people say something they regret, or something like that, rather than murdering somebody, however.
hence my inner mantra@@sethtenrec
"If something causes a huge emotional response, it must be a big deal and I have to act on it", something I have been believing in and never realized...
“The Gift Of Fear” this book changed my life. It really helped me to discern between intuition and anxiety!
Thank you I will have to look into this
I looked it up is it the Gaven de becker book?
Fantastic book, totally agree.
Who wrote this book thanks 😊
I love that she distinguishes between anxiety and intuition. Our emotions are a blessing and a form of knowledge but like anything, they take discipline and practice to understand their true use.
This video freed me from a tyrant: the belief that my random bouts with anxiety always mean something . I realized much of my stress was coming from taking them seriously, searching for what might be causing them, and thinking the worst. They are simply "there", and often are only a result of physical discomfort or lack of sleep. Thank you so much. You are doing wonderful work!
I relate to this so much, thank you for this comment!
I felt nauseous before my first mortgage signing...My mom said she felt the same way at tbe same time in her life.. some relief. We needed this farm. We were happy there for 30 years.
You HOPE this is helpful? You’re out here doing amazing work while spreading fantastic knowledge to those of us that either cannot afford professional therapy, those of us that cannot attend mental health therapy due to career restrictions, and those of us simply fascinated by psychology and the human condition.
Your work is BY FAR helpful in ways you may not have even considered. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help others, and the incredible work you’ve done introspectively as well so that you better understand what lies within your field of expertise.
So true!
She’s saving individuals and families and beyond
This was useful, thank you!
And to anyone here struggling with anxiety, just know you are not alone and keep going. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second if you have to. You got this!
God loves us all the time, He doesn’t want us to feel anxious, but He isn’t mad when you do have those feelings.❤
المشكلة تكمن انه قد يكون نمط شخصية او نمط ثابت للشخص مدى الحياة بسبب تصميم مخه او دماغه الموضوع وراثي😢 هنا تكون مشكلة
@@suefaust947 if there is a god, and IF she is paying attention, and those are big “ifs”…one thing certain is that YOU don’t know how she thinks.
@@sethtenrec We have the Bible that tells us what the Lord thinks, to a certain degree. His ways are higher and His thoughts are greater than we can understand right now. He loves you and all He has created, that’s why He came to the earth, paid our sin debt and is preparing a place for you in Heaven. Adam brought sin into the world, and we are just like him. God made a way back to Himself by Jesus’s blood that was a full payment for our sins. He created us for fellowship with Himself as was planned in the beginning. Satan is the ruler of this world at the present time, but his time is very limited. You can look around and see how desperate he is to destroy the human race.
@@suefaust947 The Bible is propaganda written by men to control men and women. What else you got?
I'm sitting in my room, so distressed and caught up in stress that I practically feel paralysed. I can't do anything. Can't get up eat drink water or sleep. Just sitting with intrusive thoughts trying to reason with them. This all is a very miserable state of mind to have.
I am learning to understand myself so I can take better care of mental health because. This all was helpful. Thank you.
I think a lot of times people are mean to others when they hate themselves. I feel sad for them but I love myself.
I love this woman she deserves all the success and money that she’s growing from this CZcams channel. She’s making a huge difference and so many peoples lives and she’s doing it for free to us. God bless you and your family.
I was just speaking with my therapist about congnative distortion & what will help, my brain is wired for negative, anxious, worried, catastrophic thinking, this was Very helpful, Thank you so much Emma🙂ps Wishing you Happiness &Love in your new 🏠
The good news is, you CAN rewire your brain to a certain extent..it is hard work but so rewarding. Best of luck - nameste
Amazed this helps people. It does nothing for me.
One of the things I appreciate with CZcams videos is, that it’s not said one time and gone forever. I can go back as many times as needed and trust me. I need that 😅 Thank you for making these videos, I really appreciate it 🙏
Your teaching style and ability to bring knowledge so generously is greatly helpful - thank you immensely
Yes! I have a playlist of saved videos called "mental health" and I go back to these videos whenever I need them :)
"When the student is ready, the teacher will come" - Thank you for the gift of this video...I have struggled with emotions and emotional reasoning all my life. Today was especially difficult. Now I understand how to make changes to my perspectives.
Well when someone truly knows how to teach something that can't be taught. Let us know
@@tommac21 “us”? Are you attempting to speak for other people? All kidding aside, I haven’t found any subject that can’t have some wisdom illuminated in me by good teachers.
I have been doing that slowing down and its helped heaps. I also started not letting the trigger trigger me. Its sounds simple enough, but its a game changer if you can master that and puts you in full charge of yourself!
Thank you very much, I’m 25 years old and have always felt overcome by high emotions. Mainly my anger, anxiety or sadness. I’m at the point in my life where my reactiveness is genuinely clouding my vision, so I’m trying to teach myself a better way of being. I’d love to learn more about ways of growing out of emotional reactiveness within close intimate relationships if you don’t already have videos on this topic, thank you again for sharing!
This helped me so much! I was the person that felt that because I felt awkward in awkward situations I must be awkward. I love the idea of zooming out on our feelings and seeing them from a different perspective. When I really struggled with anxiety what I'd do is try to feel all that space around my emotions where things weren't quite as charged. For some reason thinking about things spatially and then seeing my emotions from different angles really helped. Gonna practice what I learned in this video!
I can feel my brain actively changing as I’m listening to this. I shared this with a few of my friends and I’m a firm believer the world would be a much better place if every child was taught this ❤ thank you
I love the way you speak, informative without being boring and you’re side tangents- as an adhder I definitely relate 😂
This is such a crucial topic. Think about, in all levels of society, the idiotic things that people do based on emotional reasoning. Sadly society is heavily influenced via their emotional reasoning. Again, great topic that I have to continually remibd myself about. Thank you!
Oh my God I connected to this video so much I have left a high demand religion, and they were very much into emotions of feeling the spirit, and if you didn’t feel right, it was the devil, and I am so grateful for the validation of this video.
This was great! I often struggled to identify emotional reasoning but when you described it at the start I knew exactly what you were talking about.
I think it can be easy to ger tangled up in the idea that strong emotions are "bad" because they "make" us react. Working through resources like your fantastic videos had enabled me to look back on times that I've essentially frozen myself in anger because I felt the anger was in itself bad... now I take the time to slow down and look at the anger and let myself feel it.
It sounds like a little thing, but I think the simple fact that feeling angry and acting on it are different things has really helped me be a much happier person. Thank you!
It's not cognition or the thinking function of consciousness that distorts emotions. It is the repressed emotions, feelings, instincts, and complexes that distort cognition. The unconscious is full of repressed energy and wounds. Until this primal repression is purged and integrated, a person will always be reactive. We react out of the emotions and wounds of the past. Jung called this repressed content the shadow. It took me 23 years to clear primal repression and now I am completely non reactive and do not suffer anxiety or depression anymore. This process is called "individuation" or spiritual awakening and it is symbolized in all the world's spiritual and religious traditions. But yes, to your point, the first step is to strengthen the ego by learning new ways of thinking. Peace.
@therapyinanutshell will you respond .?
I really needed to hear this today. If you did too, I'm sending you all the love and wisdom. We're not alone. Thank you so much!! You're the best @TherapyinaNutshell
Quick question: I would love to understand why some people in our lives who become outright mean and callous to us any time they don't get their way or are themselves hurt over something tend to gaslight by reiterating that they're not the ones verbally abusing and disrespecting us? I understand why it's hard to accept our own faults but how do these people convince themselves that they're the victims while screaming at or being mean and terrible to their loved ones for hours without acknowledging their own problematic behaviour? How do people simultaneously both emotionally and even physically hurt others while genuinely believing themselves to be the wronged party? I would love an explanation from a therapist like yourself. Stay blessed!
This is a type of answer I didn't know I needed! Please I want to know too
Isn’t that a narcissist sociopath?
Narcissistic or personality disorder. I have one family member who is exact to what you described. Put up boundaries. Don’t argue with them it’s pointless, you’ll never win. Take care of you because chances are they aren’t going to change 😊
That’s narcissistic behavior and I deal with that with my own mother. I had to cut out both of my parents because of this. They don’t change, unfortunately. They’re always a victim and will never acknowledge their wrongdoings because they truly believe they have done no wrong!
I would like to know this too!!
Ahhh! Thank you! I was always irritated by the evolutionary explanation of anxiety because my experience of anxiety doesn't feel at all the same as when I am facing an actual threat. To hear you explain the difference between intuition and real danger vs disregulation and anxiety makes so much more sense!
It’s all such a long journey. I think the number one point to take away from this is “slow down” when the emotions hit. There’s a lot more to it, but that is step number one. Slow down, take a breath, take another deep breath, and another. Close your mouth, don’t do anything.
@sethtenrec "close your mouth, don't do anything"
I need that tattooed on my head.
Emma 🙏 your videos are more helpful than words can say. I hope many people around the world in terrible situations can hear these pearls of wisdom 😊
This is so impactful for me right now, Thank you. Congratulations on your new house!!!
Hi i watched your video on regret and it absolutely changed my life my perspective. I was stuck but now i am not . The tining could not have been perfect. Thanks for making our new year beautiful by "hammering" right mindset. Love you with all my heart. Really grateful to you . Thanks.
I AM SO GRATEFUL! This video just came to me at precisely the right moment! YOU ARE AWESOME! THANK YOU❤
Thanks.
Between stimulus and response there is the breath. Stopping in the midst of emotional upheaval to gain perspective and access our deeper wisdom.
You are such a gift Emma. Thank you!
Emotioms are indicators, not dictators.
Its telling you something is going on, pay attention but don't allow your emotions to control you
Thank you so so much for everything you do 🙏❤️ while getting emotionnaly stronger, it’s also so calming and reassuring to listen to you talk. Xx
You are an angel helping people who are suffering
I learned to suppress my emotions while I was growing up, so I actually have a difficult time with expressing how I feel in a healthy manner. I usually bottle my emotions but I’m trying to help myself by expressing myself.
Since I bottle my emotions is turns into something very negative internally. It also causes me not to trust my own emotions, like “is it okay for me to feel angry about this?” When I knew I was….
Sometime when I get angry I literally want to blow up on people but I never have. I just remain quiet but internally I’m screaming.
Now at my big age of 31 I’m learning how to express my displeasure with someone or something in a healthy way. I think it took for me becoming a mom to realize I needed to work on this.
Expanding my communication skills also helps as well.
I am so thankful for you for educating us in this topic. May your shadow never grow less
First like and then listen!!.. Thats how fantastic Emma's videos are! Sooo helpful!
Your channel is fantastic! I am so grateful to have found it. The knowledge and skills I'm gaining are incredibly useful. Thank you for providing such valuable content!
SUPER helpful! Great job! Oh man I could’ve used this a few years ago but I’m so glad to be growing in these skills and knowledge.
5:33 Love this discernment about intuition and emotion
Wow this one was packed with great information. Love when Emma says count to five then changes and says count to ten when feeling anxious. She addressed the problem as if she were taking on it herself. I'm playing this session back.
Same, and taking notes. Then the next big step is actually practicing. In this case, the platitude “practice makes perfect” Is a good one. “Practice makes better” is obviously truly correct, but the other one is easier to remember!
Great video! Very helpful!Thank you! Congratulations on your new home!Very best wishes to you and your family!
This was a great video. I think everyone in the world would benefit from watching this. Thanks!
Thank you! I love how practical this is.
You are a gem and I am regularly helped by your videos. THANK YOU
So happy I found your channel♥️ Thank you!!❤
Thank you, Emma! This was eye-opening for me! ❤
Great advice, because the other problem with reacting emotionally is that it can and will be used against you in the future. So, it may feel like you’re communicating the passion you feel, but it will devalue your feelings. It’s not a loss expressing your intensity, it’s a gain to appear stoic.
So…”you don’t have to believe everything you think…” ❤
this really changed my anxiety i been listening to some of ur podcasts or youtubes and tysm for helping me and a lot of ppl.
I've actually been trying to be more aware of my thoughts and reactions and deal with them accordingly. Thank you so much for talking about this!
My therapist talks about similar concepts, and practice, when you’re not triggered, is an important step.
Please know that your work is valued and appreciated, from sunny Australia 💯
Thank you so much talking about emotional reasoning and for explaining the difference between emotions and intuition, it is incredibly helpful ❤ You are amazing 🙏
As I continue to experience life I often wonder, what’s the point of emotions? They’re often portrayed in a negative light…”she’s an emotional person”…”don’t let your emotions rule you”..
I am glad I found this channel, thank you for your work
binge watching this channel all day as I go through my day
This was so helpful, thank you for making this!
Thanks for the practical advice you provide. Our freedom lies in the space between our actions and our minds ability to do nothing until nothing is left to do
Always insightful! Thank you!
Wow that was very enlightening.Thank you so much.Now I just have to put your awesome advice into practice.❤
Thank you ❤ More of what to do in that moment before a big emotion. This is where I fail!
I needed this in my life! Thank you!
Congratulations on your home!!❤
Wow I can’t believe this was here this morning. It’s like everything I need help with coming my way. Yesterday I had a very big mouth about everything that upset me and I came home from work thinking I had a very big mouth. 😅
Spot on topic. I needed this today.
I'm happy for you, Emma, about your new home. I wish you a lot of joy while decorating.🏡🌺🤗
Thank You! I don't suffer from anxiety, But I find Your your insight on emotions will help me hold myself in better accountability
That was really helpful!! And you explained it so clearly and well!
Hello Emma your videos helping me in recovery from anxiety, love from India ❤
Much appreciation thanks for sharing your personal experience with anxiety and tools to process
Interesting personal story on the topic and a good explanation for self-reflection on how one's own consciousness deals with problems. It's nice that you share your experiences with us.
I think this is exactly the video I need right now.
You are literally my therapy queen thank you so much❤️❤️
Thank you! Slowing down is a great idea! 👍
Short and very helpful! Thanks!
This was very helpful, thank you! ❤
I needed to see this video today. So much info I can use!
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences!
Very helpful and perfect timing.😊🙏🏻
Hi Emma. This video was wonderfully helpful. Thank you.
In many instances my reactions have to do with what I've brought into a specific situation. At the start of my marriage I'd come home too tired to listen to what my wife had to say, often feeling that she was attacking me, without my understanding what was going on. It was like walking into a war-in-progress. I realized that I was just too tired to involve and decided not to come home too tired to communicate. After all, the other person has the right to express themselves. This is why we got married. But I didn't bring the attention-span or the interest-level required in this relationship.
Before taking this action, I tried explaining that I didn't always feel "in the mood" or able to talk about stuff after work, which was emotionally very demanding of me. "Would it be possible to postpone topics requiring big changes with enormous consequences 'til I have a chance to hear them out and be able to consider the difficulties appropriately? How about let's take some time on Saturday for this?" This led to quite the opposite reaction of, "You always..." and "You're never...". We were stuck in our perspectives. We separated and divorced because we were bringing the wrong tools to the table.
In your video, you show the person "getting angry" with a pillow in her grasp. What if she had a sharp object or a gun? Walking into a situation in which one will often get angry while carrying a gun is almost a pre-determined violent act. A shooting is more likely to occur than when no gun was brought.
My boss required unrealistic transition-times. Instead of 20 - 30 minutes, we had 15 minutes to get to the next school, find a parking-place, get up to the instruction-room and set up for the instruction. This precluded necessary discussions with the co-workers and pupils at the previous venue as it would mean arriving late to the next school. Naturally, I spoke with the boss about this sparking an attack from him, for, if he recognized this difficulty and wished to solve it, it would mean allotting enough time for 40 of us working outside of the central work-place and travelling throughout the city. He would be losing money while using-up his allotment of time. He refused and the ensuing time-pressure decreased my/our communication-skills and -readiness. Fights, misunderstandings and feelings of bad intentions in the schools between all involved ensued due to the meager time-allotment for transition.
Similarly, when the boss wanted to cap the number of hours allotted to the group with which I was working from 10 to 6/week ("Your number of hours won't be affected, though") I explained that our (working) concept would have to be revisited and we wouldn't be achieving the same results with 6 hours as with 10. When he exploded, I resigned my position as the director of this youth orchestra.
My father used to say that it took two to tango. But regardless of the readiness to take responsibility, being coerced to dance a waltz, when a tango is being played is - although interesting - will draw-forth more mistakes than if the music were changed or the dance.
My work (I'm now retired) and my relationships all require time, as you've probably noticed, by now. Every communication takes time (even to write this sentence). Not allotting this time, not being allowed the time or using this time for other things (while interrupting) causes pressure in which such situations cannot be successfully negotiated. Do you see what I'm saying?
Many friends have this situation in which the boss regularly underestimates the time it takes. The cook-friend gets 12 minutes for the pizza, but what about the time it takes to remove it from the oven, slice it, season it, put it in the box and close it, bring it to the register AND take the money and give the change. The nurse (Maria) has exact time to spend on her prescribed services but these do not take into account the things that arise in the course of being a nurse. My carpenter-friend is not ready to cut-corners on things which require the allotted time (lime, separating things in order to saw them correctly etc.) so that his co-worker can go home, earlier. I could go on and on. But I wanted to show a general tendency of the (inherent) nature of the relationship between the boss' interests and those of the employee with regard to time, cost and responsibility while enforcing these with economic pressure.
Consequences are real (patients can die, the pizza orders can get backlogged, the panels sometimes must be redone costing time and material, bridges can collapse and the pupils can feel rejected and ignored, because they ARE being rejected and ignored). These prevalent and unrealistic time constrictions and the ensuing pressure prevent at least me from counting to ten.
Thank you for another great video !
This is excellent.. I find that when I’m sad or mad I listen to music that makes me continue to feel that way. I definitely lean into my feelings and trust they are true… but I’m working on this and will implement your techniques… they make sense.
This course has helped me so much thank you
Wow what an insightful and helpful video. Thank you !!
Thanks for this video, as it is just what i do too, and having some methods to manage my emotions is extremely helpful!
Wow this video is so informative and eye opening for me. So good.
Super helpful and timely! Plus I needed to hear the little side tangent ☺️
I really love your videos. Thank you!
Thank you. I believe this’ll come in handy. By the by, the Star Trek: TOS reference was priceless!
May the 4th be with you
Thank you for this video!
Thank you! That was GREAT!
This makes so much sense!
Thank you so mich for your videos! Love them!
Thankyou so so much for this🙏🏻🙏🏻
This is such a great video!!! Thank you!
Excellent, helpful video. Thank you.
Two simple words can't possibly convey my thankfulness for your help, but hey, thank you.
Such an amazing series. I have CPTSD and anxiety...I've tried lots of different things, that band-aid symptoms. Your videos feel much more insightful than other therapies I've tried. Thank you!!
the only thing that got me out of cptsd & anxiety was God.