I haven't posted in a while, and there were a lot of unanswered questions. I figured I would try to answer a few of them. I'm not the best talker, so forgive the random mumbling!
It's one of the things talked about. There's a lot of overlaps with a LOT of different personality types and disorders, sometimes it's hard to differentiate between things that have the same things.
Up until I was about 7 I did sometimes play with my cat roughly, more roughly than I should have, but I didn't realize I was being cruel. I also tore the wings off a fly once, but again, I didn't have any sense I was doing something wrong. I saw it more as a "scientific experiment". I'm not proud of myself for this, just confessing it. From about 7 or 8 onward, to this day, I developed a very strong compassion and concern for animals and hatred for cruelty. I'm a vegan. Over the years I had cats and dogs and have been very attached to and affectionate toward them, but at times, I felt very burdened just by their presence, their emotional neediness. I was heartbroken when my last little dog died. He was about 15. Since then, partly because where I've been living, partly because I'm probably too selfish to care for a pet, partly because I'm afraid of the emotional investment---they get sick and die---I don't have one and don't see myself as ever getting one. I like animals, and I feed a few strays on my porch and have made beds for them, but I'd otherwise feel burdened by the obligation to care for one. I have been religious at various times in my life. At this point, I don't know what I am. I'm sort of a melancholic Socratic I suppose. My rough guess would be that religiosity could go both ways with schizoids.
i find it weird because i often do not think about or care about how emotionally insensitive i am to people and most of the time i wont even notice it if i do something "bad" or "insensitive" but some nights i will be in bed and i will have an attack and an actual realization of what i've done even how it must feel to be on the other end of the stick and i will feel so bad to the point of tears and it's just awful, but then i go back to feeling the exact same way i usually do for a long long long time before i have this experience again....i dont know why this happens to me
xx- -xx fknnn sameeeee, maybe it's the thing about 2 much emotional pressure all at once. makes us not want to deal with it because, it's uncomfortable and can be to much to handle.....The meaning of life drives me crazy because, the key is supposedly "love" but, "love" doesn't even exist in this illusion. check out SCHOPENHAUERS WILL to life. His philosophy may not be truth either but, who knows...it's a little relatable.
I have schizoid and I had a love for animals more than anyone else in my life. I would yell at and attack people if they hurt animals at all, the only reason I even hate bugs now is because i’m afraid of them. I still like animals, but i’m too depressed to manage looking after one. They give me dopamine so i only go to peoples houses to see their pets. I actually get why you did what you did though, without extremely strict parents like mine who didn’t even let me go outside, not knowing why doing that to animals was wrong and still feeling sad when you lose them. I pretty much do the same thing all day, lay down or play video games or draw. I’m just always bored and empty and it really hurts. I also have comorbid OCD and ADHD, so not only does it make it harder to explain my hyperfixations and my emotions and why i can’t understand things, but when I have an OCD trigger which is at least 5 times a day i’m just a blank confusing angry mess. Of course, being disabled as well makes me feel trapped.
I respect the struggle. Some have it worse, some have it better but I can definitely understand it. Something that really gets me is the trapped feeling. I'm a grown man with his own house, great job and not a worry in the world. But that trapped feeling is just so strong.
Your lack of empathy as a kid seemed pretty high, but then transformed into caring for all life (not mowing a grasshopper...something I do as well!). I wonder how this transformation happened, neurologically. KUTGW mate. I appreciate your videos.
Biomirth Empathy is such an advanced cognitive function that it can take a long time to develop. Which is also the reason why antisocial personality disorder can't be diagnosed until you're over 18.
The rat coming back meant it was reliable; something you probably didn't have from others. Being nice meant it wouldn't leave again. Being mean had no prior consequences and was a vent, probably started from the hunting environment. The BB gun bit feels like trying to get a (predictable) reaction out of someone lacking in the environment.
You know. I was diagnosed with SPD and for the longest time I thought it was an autism spectrum disorder because I felt as thought there were many overlaps. I also really identified with the INFP / INTP labels as far as Myers Briggs goes. What I am now trying to understand is if it is actually a problem. Should you just be upfront about it around people who matter so they are aware that you will behave slightly differently from what they are expecting? I personally don't see a problem until I compare myself with other people but I do identify areas where It hinders me.
Deep down I do not think it is a problem. These labels are nice because they help you understand what is going on inside yourself and you have a series of possible courses of action if you choose to do something. Recently I have been paying attention to how people around me act and trying to fit them into diagnostic criteria. I am finding that it does not diminish how i interact with them but it helps me better understand why they act and react to events they way they do. Learning about yourself unfortunately is not done by a large percentage of the population and as such you seem like the weird one when you start sharing deep intimate details of your inner workings. As long as you understand what is going on and you are able to navigate i think its alright.
No. People laugh at me because of my flat affect and my permanent poker face, but I know that mentioning spd to anyone would only make things worse. Maybe to close friends, but I wouldn't tell people unless you trust them.
I think it's a problem as long as it affect your goals and functionality.I also have SPD and I usually don t say that to people because it makes them feel closer to me,like i am telling them a secret.
I can answer the same questions as someone who has been diagnosed with severe SPD: 1) There is no active avoiding involved. If my brain can't handle stimuli coming from the outside world, then I will just isolate myself. 2) I have never hurt animals. Spending time with animals is a waste of time for me. 3) I am an atheist and I am very hardcore at that. I am 6.9 on the scale of Richard Dawkins. I am a cold logical scientist kind of guy. 4) The massive fantasy worlds that exist in my head are not comparable to the fantasy of the average person on the street.
Alexander Jurjens OK tbh. I understand the atheism and feel y'all on that. I too have never really had a string faith or connection with God, but the thing is... imagine if you're a schizoid born to a Muslim family... you HAVE TO pray 5 times a day and respect the religion with your heart. The only time I would really pray is when I want something and only god can give it...but different cultures have different requirements for religion. Whether anyone chooses to ignore for or not its up to them, but if schizoids are against religion why is it that schizophrenics are very religious??? or at least that's what I've heard.
Alexander Jurjens but Alex think about it... how can you be locked in a fantasy world and be scientifically and logical? those are two separate things...
As a kid or right now, did you ever have any goals or dreams for the future? like being a cop/doctor etc. One of the hardest things for me is getting motivated. I find it extremely hard to really care about most things but when I do, it's like I get obsessed and become somewhat of a perfectionist. It rarely happens but when it does it kinda makes me feel a bit normal (even though I know most people are not perfectionists haha) so I constantly look for things that could catch my interest for more than 5 minutes. so far the only things that have kept my interest are tv/movies/games (pretty much anything with a good story), music, and this girl. I'm still confused as to what kind of relationship I want with her but at least I know I like her.
I get what you're saying. Finding something with a great story is one of the few pleasures I have. Which is also sad in a way, because there is only a finite number of great stories out there and it's becoming increasingly hard to find them. My mind also likes to create stories, part of the whole schizoid fantasy thing. I've even decided to write a book about one. Well, it's less of a decision now because I'm almost done. Motivation is also something that I struggle with. Though there are times when I have so little I want to do that I actually end up doing something productive. Kind of where the whole book idea came from. I really wanted to do something, but there was nothing I wanted to do. So in a fit of boredom and anxiety, I wrote a book.
World According to TiJ That's actually really cool and inspiring. I want to write a book on one of the stories my mind has created. The thing is though I always end up connecting the stories so I want to take more time and eventually write a book or comic in the future. one thing I forgot to mention is that my interest in these stories has slowly been motivating me to want to write, or make movies in the future. so the fact that someone like me has already been able to do that makes me feel even more capable
The hardest part is just starting in the first place. Of course writing a book that's actually of some quality is a different matter entirely and takes a lot of time and effort. But, there are also many resources out there if you're interested. I wish you the best of luck.
SPD doesn't strike me as a problem - I enjoy how I spend my time. The problem occurs when friends or family tell me I'm weird, dull or need to get a life. The insults don't affect me, but that's how I realize that my behavior isn't completely normal. Do you engage in any therapy/help sessions? If so, have they made any sort of change in your life which is actually worth putting time and money into?
I agree. The "therapy" I do is this channel, something that I can do to practice talking and don't have to actually interact with anyone lol. Other than the comments, which is not very hard at all. Like you said in the first part of your comment, there's not really much of a problem. So any "change" that would come from any form of therapy wouldn't be anything substantial, in fact it would probably not have a positive affect. But I think that if YOU are into a certain thing, whatever that thing is, then time and money is completely up to you to decide if it's worth it or not. For me, this is worth it. The occasional video and comments are a nice way to get my dose of "people" without the people.
thanks for sharing your personal stories with your feelings and childhood behaviors. I as well had a history of childhood conduct disorder like burning things and stealing, which thankfully I've learned to understand the stigma on childhood conduct behavior and as well having low empathy doesn't correlate to a person being violent or destructive. glad I discovered your channel :)
Hey, just wanted to say thanks for posting these videos, as another ex-jw schizoid it's kind of nice/interesting to know that at least one person has had similar experiences to mine. I'd be interested to know how prevalent SPD is among jehovah's witnesses, I know that they have a much higher chance of developing mental disorders than the general popuation but schizoid is kind of one of those things that goes unreported for a long time, so I'm not sure if any statistics related to it would be accurate.
Interesting. I’m pretty sure my husband is SPD as well and he was raised in a strict Pentecostal family. He was child 4 out of 6 and his younger brother was born 11 months after him. Thinking about it all siblings show signs that they are emotionally stunted. Neglect and being forced to live in your own fantasy world just to escape a neglectful, unloving family and an abusive religion are probably creating this high incidence of SPD in these groups.
Great videos man, I really hope you keep doing what you're doing. I was wondering what your relationship with music is like? Do you listen to music a lot and does it do anything for you? If you do, i'd love to know what kind of music just out of curiousity. For me personally, music really helps me process and internalize emotions that I'm feeling, and really come to terms with them.
+LeHozay When I was younger it was the only emotional attachment I had to anything. Now its still the same thing, only I don't play and write my own as much. Ill hear a song where the melody just hits me like a mirror and I'll listen to it for days
I can totally relate. I taught myself guitar throughout middle school and early high school and got really into writing and recording songs in an attempt to discover new material with which i felt a profound connection. After a while, i sort of just lost interest, and recording just became a burden. I was always super into variations of rock. A lot of psych and noise rock, radiohead, floyd, just shit that had a heavy enphasis on emotion basically. I loved to just walk alone for hours and let it stimulate my thoughts and emotions. Music was always the center of everything for me
I met some students at my university and it is really helpful cause I can improve my studying with them. But I don't like or dislike them. They always want to meet after the lectures and "have fun together". I don't know what to do, cause I don't like social interaction. But I need them to study with me. What should I do?
Brian Jones I'm spd too and never injured animals. pretty sure this dude is just a psychopath and has it confused with spd!! alot of times spd prefer the company of animals as opposed to humans so this makes no sense......what would an spd gain from the torture of an animal?
Juris G first of all, psychopathy doesn’t work like that. Second of all, what caused his SPD was probably trauma so he hurt animals. It’s actually a pretty common response. He didn’t develop schizoid until way later. He didn’t always have schizoid. As a kid, he was considered too emotional to be schizoid. He just changed and his emotions numbed out. He also doesn’t get anything from it emotionally speaking and even said it himself in the video. I abused animals as a kid when I was about 11 to 12 years old due to being bullied but then again, both me and him were children. We didn’t know what we were doing. Now I have a pet cat and I don’t abuse or mistreat it at all. It’s actually not too uncommon for kids to go through a phase where they hurt someone or something. Especially not those who went through trauma and a generally rough childhood.
I was wondering how you generally respond to people paying you compliments? Like when you first met your girlfriend when she gave you compliments did you question them? How exactly did you navigate through your feelings about that kind of stuff?
I know, it's not something I like to think about. Thinking back I don't even know what it was about, I don't remember feeling anything towards the actions. NOW I know I could never harm anything, I even stop the lawn mower for grasshoppers now so I have no idea where it was coming from. But from getting older and just learning a bit about life, I think that it's surprisingly normal for kids to do insane things when they don't have others to learn from. I was by myself 90% of the time so had no other "real" way to learn about life other than through first hand experience. Definitely something I'd like to hear a professional talk about, would be interseting.
Come to think of it. I did "torture" insects as a kid. But I already loved my cats back then and would never have hurt them but still did messed up things to bugs like poking their eyes out with thorns, rip their legs and wings out or whatever, mind you I was unaware that they can't feel pain. It was mostly ladybugs and I feel bad for that so nowadays when I see a ladybug stuck somewhere or in trouble, I help it, lol.
I've always been empathetic and attached to animals. When a whale or dog or bug would die in a movie, I'd cry for hours on end whereas a human or kid, nothing. Had to stop the video there, does schizoid parallel with sociopathy or what. Though I did get recurrent nightmares of this island of cats where they were tortured and I couldn't escape their cries
I have moments, sometimes weeks at a time, where I prefer silence over music. And I also love animals, pets, more than people in many cases. Whenever I see a spider, I always attempt to save it and let it outside before someone steps on it out of fear. My brother is also into hunting. But I shot a bird with a bb gun when I was a kid as well, and felt so bad. Grew up on a farm. I highly recommend having a pet, as a person who suffers from SPD. I am also not against religious beliefs, they can provide a certain wisdom. But I am not involved in any active religion as an adult.
I suspect myself of having SPD due to concrete reasons I don't care to list, however, as I was watching this, the animal question really interested me. I've never told anyone, aside from those present during those events, but as a child, I used to torture animals without feeling anything toward it. I'd throw my first pet dog, as a toddler, into a pillow case just to watch it struggle. I'd thrown a random persons puppy off a porch into a bush until it bled. I was reprimanded for these things, but I didn't feel anything about it. Later on, I'd find a dead little kitten by my window and threw it in the garbage because of the smell. I'd scare animals for fun until they deficated on themselves from the fear. I know this all sounds horrible probably, but the change in behavior toward animals came with a mouse as well, which is why that particularly interested me. It wasn't a pet. It was food for a snake that was being kept at that time. I'd put that white mouse in a cup with a lid and throw it in the air or at the ground. It was injured and wouldn't move when I opened the lid, but somehow only that time, I'd felt very sad that it had died when I watched it stop breathing. It was fed to the snake and as far as I can currently recall, I'd never hurt an animal since then and usually bonded with animals very easily since. I wish it were different, but those memories are a reality I lived with and if anything, it gave semblance to the fact that something was off from the beginning. Only I never knew what it was, until discovering SPD, that being said. Thank you for your videos. I hope when you feel up to it, perhaps you'll share a little bit more.
I know it's been a while, I am planning another video soon. It's kind of weird that a lot of people like this have done similar things. It's also funny to think how these things could have completely changed a persons life if a 3rd person were to see and report these things.
@@StuffandStuff Thank you for responding. It's good to know yer still alive. I look forward to any segments you may offer. Here's some good vibes yer way and have a Happy Halloween.
Hey 2 questions for you. Do you feel more at ease around other schizoid ppl then around average ppl? And do you ever have paranoia at all ? I know paranoia is a part of the other cluster A disorders.
awhh.. I have the same question. Relating to his entire channel, it is possible I could have spd LOL and I’ve come to realize I’m actually overly paranoid about things that don’t need to be even.. considered a thing... there is probably going to be some underlying issue for me but ALL OF THE TIMEEEEEE I am terrified everyone is trying to hurt me. A week ago, I was convinced for a few days that my classmates hacked my computer to catch me doing embarrassing things and post it everywhere.. I’ve stopped thinking about it now since it does sound very stupid and not true since they have no reason to do that. But it was a genuine feeling of “fuck! this is seriously happening what do I do what”. I’ve since kept my webcam covered with a sticker LMAO just in case.
Same, abusive to animals as a child. Anima empath as a teen/ adult. Antisocial people never love animals or feel any empathy towards them. Something about having power over something weaker than you before you develop a moral code.
I also have SPD. Do you go to therapy? If you do, do you find it hard to go like its almost pointless. I've seen that the lack of research for SPD is due to the fact that many people that have it don't go to therapy or don't go to therapy consistently.
Brian Jones kinda get this think is one of the reasons I'm a thrill seeker and am an alcoholic (but yh don't drink no more managed to knock it on the head eventually). But yh the implanting feelings I get cause ours are so dim by default sucks!!!!! Like I love my family but equally I know for phases my emotions can next to vanish completely and ill just be left with memories of feeling which is horrible. Life's fucking boring without emotions and just pointless.
I've heard the talk that a lot of schizoid are non religious? But the way I see it, we should be as psychiatric treatment can't really help us, I feel that maybe god has created us this way to punish us?.. So if we were to put in a little effort and ask for his forgiveness our lives might slowly change. I don't know if you believe in astrology and horoscopes, but I've looked into mine by a professional psychic and much of the things he told about my life were true. of course to find out everything would cost a load of money, but with the little he told me, he already mentioned the flaws in my stars and my personality and a brief sneak peak on how to cure it.
nmc well it isn't too late to change your fate and so what if its placebo? at least believing that you are alright and that to stop thinking about having schizoid personality makes a difference. We all need social interaction but these negative thoughts are the ones hurdling us. look at buddhas life story, he himself was probably schizoid, but he gained enlightenment in the end. and well, I'm not saying we all have to become buddha but for those that do believe in faith and reasoning to why things happen in a much more supernatural scale, perhaps religion is one way of overcoming difficulties
+Kiki Star Thank you. I might keep using this one. Also to your other comment, I have similar things happen sometimes. Doing something and during I wont feel anything, but later I'll sometimes have an overwhelming guilty feeling. Even if what I did or said wasn't even that bad.
Stuff and Stuff I haven't been diagnosed with SPD yet, but I have ALL the symptoms of a schizoid... What seems weird to me is that whenever I meet someone new I am not outgoing and social unless we happen to be talking about something completely unrelated to me or my personal self (basically just talking about random stuff not related to me). After that initial "stiffness" and after I meet up with that person for a second time and onwards I am basically a covert schizoid. I'm almost 22, I've never had a girlfriend and I've never cared for anything or anyone. When my grandmother died I was just like "fuck it she was never a good person". But what's weird is that one girl my age was diagnosed with uterus cancer recently (I liked her but nothing ever came of it since I was always too "cold") and it really hit me hard how I was always cold to her... So that's why I'm writting this comment basically, idk what to do really...
I had a Folgers can that had a plastic lid I poked holes in it. I would then put my pet cat in the can and put the lid on and then sit on the can for a minute. Then take the lid off and let the cat out and then I would go catch the cat again and do it over again. I felt no way for it either. Oddly enough though for human babies I feel an immense protection over them. I am indifferent to animals but love babies. Odd.
That's it for me. Your discussion of hurting/harming animals is a red flag and I'm no longer interested in hearing anything you have to say. Frankly, I don't believe you're Schizoid. Antisocial yes, schizoid no. Later.
+Smy? Sometimes its non-existent. But I'm still human, and a guy nonetheless lol. So I have a pretty strong drive...sometimes I'll go weeks without thinking about it, other times its the exact opposite. (acting on it is a different story)
Smy? most covert schizoid still have a sexual life of some sort. whether it be through fantasizing or the actual act of it either way there are things that turn us on. like stuff and stuff eexplained there would be days you'd go without it, but when it does hit, its like an itch that has to be "released" as for overts, I've heard they don't have any. at the most theirs would be probably fantasy.
what's your view on politics if I may ask? I'm assuming most schizoids are indifferent to it and i wanted to see if we're on the same page. I have about the knowlesge of a peanut when it comes to politics. You're in the military so it has to affect you someway. How do you feel about Trumps presidency and the immigration ban going on or his proposed idea to build the wall?
I don't really follow much of anything political. Kind of ironic considering I'm in the military (getting out soon!) I don't have any thoughts or opinions about it one way or another honestly. As long as I'm allowed to live to myself, then I don't care what happens out there. People are people, if they wanna fight, or lead, or do whatever it is they wanna do it's on THEM. I just wanna live in my cave lol.
stunner gunz I'm only self-diagnosed so grain of salt; most would call me radical. Like Trump, wish he'd go further, but understand he needs to move slow. Course my politics all descend from preventing my childhood from happening to others so it's personal.
Stuff and Stuff the way in informed about politics is through my college assignments where I'm forced to research about it. I seldom look into it by myself. unless it's something funny or amusing to watch such as protest fights. I don't care about Trumps or clintons economic or foreign policies. I'd only care about politics at all if it directly impacts me which it doesnt. politics is all about bias and attachment which I'm not of. personally I'd be interested in leading rather than following because that actually makes me someone.
I was abused as a kid, today's political climate enabled this to happen. I'm heavily invested in politics because of personal matters, I'll tell you that its to prevent future abuse but the motivation is weak. I tend toward the incoherent on any mention of my childhood.
Do keep making more videos. You're quite an interesting person.
Sorieyn
Full agreement
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the animal abuse bit reminds of behavior seen in antisocial personality disorder
It's one of the things talked about. There's a lot of overlaps with a LOT of different personality types and disorders, sometimes it's hard to differentiate between things that have the same things.
No it would be conduct disorder cause of the age, but if it still happens in adulthood then it is ASPD
Up until I was about 7 I did sometimes play with my cat roughly, more roughly than I should have, but I didn't realize I was being cruel. I also tore the wings off a fly once, but again, I didn't have any sense I was doing something wrong. I saw it more as a "scientific experiment". I'm not proud of myself for this, just confessing it.
From about 7 or 8 onward, to this day, I developed a very strong compassion and concern for animals and hatred for cruelty. I'm a vegan.
Over the years I had cats and dogs and have been very attached to and affectionate toward them, but at times, I felt very burdened just by their presence, their emotional neediness. I was heartbroken when my last little dog died. He was about 15. Since then, partly because where I've been living, partly because I'm probably too selfish to care for a pet, partly because I'm afraid of the emotional investment---they get sick and die---I don't have one and don't see myself as ever getting one. I like animals, and I feed a few strays on my porch and have made beds for them, but I'd otherwise feel burdened by the obligation to care for one.
I have been religious at various times in my life. At this point, I don't know what I am. I'm sort of a melancholic Socratic I suppose. My rough guess would be that religiosity could go both ways with schizoids.
i find it weird because i often do not think about or care about how emotionally insensitive i am to people and most of the time i wont even notice it if i do something "bad" or "insensitive" but some nights i will be in bed and i will have an attack and an actual realization of what i've done even how it must feel to be on the other end of the stick and i will feel so bad to the point of tears and it's just awful, but then i go back to feeling the exact same way i usually do for a long long long time before i have this experience again....i dont know why this happens to me
xx- -xx fknnn sameeeee, maybe it's the thing about 2 much emotional pressure all at once. makes us not want to deal with it because, it's uncomfortable and can be to much to handle.....The meaning of life drives me crazy because, the key is supposedly "love" but, "love" doesn't even exist in this illusion. check out SCHOPENHAUERS WILL to life. His philosophy may not be truth either but, who knows...it's a little relatable.
Borderline personality disorder?
I have schizoid and I had a love for animals more than anyone else in my life. I would yell at and attack people if they hurt animals at all, the only reason I even hate bugs now is because i’m afraid of them.
I still like animals, but i’m too depressed to manage looking after one. They give me dopamine so i only go to peoples houses to see their pets.
I actually get why you did what you did though, without extremely strict parents like mine who didn’t even let me go outside, not knowing why doing that to animals was wrong and still feeling sad when you lose them.
I pretty much do the same thing all day, lay down or play video games or draw. I’m just always bored and empty and it really hurts.
I also have comorbid OCD and ADHD, so not only does it make it harder to explain my hyperfixations and my emotions and why i can’t understand things, but when I have an OCD trigger which is at least 5 times a day i’m just a blank confusing angry mess.
Of course, being disabled as well makes me feel trapped.
I respect the struggle. Some have it worse, some have it better but I can definitely understand it.
Something that really gets me is the trapped feeling. I'm a grown man with his own house, great job and not a worry in the world. But that trapped feeling is just so strong.
Your lack of empathy as a kid seemed pretty high, but then transformed into caring for all life (not mowing a grasshopper...something I do as well!). I wonder how this transformation happened, neurologically. KUTGW mate. I appreciate your videos.
Biomirth Empathy is such an advanced cognitive function that it can take a long time to develop. Which is also the reason why antisocial personality disorder can't be diagnosed until you're over 18.
The rat coming back meant it was reliable; something you probably didn't have from others. Being nice meant it wouldn't leave again. Being mean had no prior consequences and was a vent, probably started from the hunting environment. The BB gun bit feels like trying to get a (predictable) reaction out of someone lacking in the environment.
You know. I was diagnosed with SPD and for the longest time I thought it was an autism spectrum disorder because I felt as thought there were many overlaps. I also really identified with the INFP / INTP labels as far as Myers Briggs goes.
What I am now trying to understand is if it is actually a problem. Should you just be upfront about it around people who matter so they are aware that you will behave slightly differently from what they are expecting? I personally don't see a problem until I compare myself with other people but I do identify areas where It hinders me.
Deep down I do not think it is a problem. These labels are nice because they help you understand what is going on inside yourself and you have a series of possible courses of action if you choose to do something.
Recently I have been paying attention to how people around me act and trying to fit them into diagnostic criteria. I am finding that it does not diminish how i interact with them but it helps me better understand why they act and react to events they way they do.
Learning about yourself unfortunately is not done by a large percentage of the population and as such you seem like the weird one when you start sharing deep intimate details of your inner workings. As long as you understand what is going on and you are able to navigate i think its alright.
Why dont you no longer think its an autism spectrum disorder?
No. People laugh at me because of my flat affect and my permanent poker face, but I know that mentioning spd to anyone would only make things worse.
Maybe to close friends, but I wouldn't tell people unless you trust them.
I think it's a problem as long as it affect your goals and functionality.I also have SPD and I usually don t say that to people because it makes them feel closer to me,like i am telling them a secret.
an INTP with SPD here too , U R not alone ! just stay strong while existing
I can answer the same questions as someone who has been diagnosed with severe SPD:
1) There is no active avoiding involved. If my brain can't handle stimuli coming from the outside world, then I will just isolate myself.
2) I have never hurt animals. Spending time with animals is a waste of time for me.
3) I am an atheist and I am very hardcore at that. I am 6.9 on the scale of Richard Dawkins. I am a cold logical scientist kind of guy.
4) The massive fantasy worlds that exist in my head are not comparable to the fantasy of the average person on the street.
Alexander Jurjens OK tbh. I understand the atheism and feel y'all on that. I too have never really had a string faith or connection with God, but the thing is... imagine if you're a schizoid born to a Muslim family... you HAVE TO pray 5 times a day and respect the religion with your heart. The only time I would really pray is when I want something and only god can give it...but different cultures have different requirements for religion. Whether anyone chooses to ignore for or not its up to them, but if schizoids are against religion why is it that schizophrenics are very religious??? or at least that's what I've heard.
Alexander Jurjens but Alex think about it... how can you be locked in a fantasy world and be scientifically and logical? those are two separate things...
I am not constantly locked in a fantasy world.
Not every schizophrenic is religious.
Alexander Jurjens what kind of things do you fantasize about?
I'm glad you got over your younger days where you hurt animals. I love my animals, just not people.
As a kid or right now, did you ever have any goals or dreams for the future? like being a cop/doctor etc. One of the hardest things for me is getting motivated. I find it extremely hard to really care about most things but when I do, it's like I get obsessed and become somewhat of a perfectionist. It rarely happens but when it does it kinda makes me feel a bit normal (even though I know most people are not perfectionists haha) so I constantly look for things that could catch my interest for more than 5 minutes. so far the only things that have kept my interest are tv/movies/games (pretty much anything with a good story), music, and this girl. I'm still confused as to what kind of relationship I want with her but at least I know I like her.
I get what you're saying. Finding something with a great story is one of the few pleasures I have. Which is also sad in a way, because there is only a finite number of great stories out there and it's becoming increasingly hard to find them. My mind also likes to create stories, part of the whole schizoid fantasy thing. I've even decided to write a book about one. Well, it's less of a decision now because I'm almost done. Motivation is also something that I struggle with. Though there are times when I have so little I want to do that I actually end up doing something productive. Kind of where the whole book idea came from. I really wanted to do something, but there was nothing I wanted to do. So in a fit of boredom and anxiety, I wrote a book.
World According to TiJ That's actually really cool and inspiring. I want to write a book on one of the stories my mind has created. The thing is though I always end up connecting the stories so I want to take more time and eventually write a book or comic in the future. one thing I forgot to mention is that my interest in these stories has slowly been motivating me to want to write, or make movies in the future. so the fact that someone like me has already been able to do that makes me feel even more capable
The hardest part is just starting in the first place. Of course writing a book that's actually of some quality is a different matter entirely and takes a lot of time and effort. But, there are also many resources out there if you're interested. I wish you the best of luck.
Thank you for this video. It is really helpful to get to understand what it is like to have a personality disorder.
Dude it is sick to be cruel to animals did your parents Know about this how did they let you do these things?
He did nothing wrong.
SPD doesn't strike me as a problem - I enjoy how I spend my time. The problem occurs when friends or family tell me I'm weird, dull or need to get a life. The insults don't affect me, but that's how I realize that my behavior isn't completely normal. Do you engage in any therapy/help sessions? If so, have they made any sort of change in your life which is actually worth putting time and money into?
I agree. The "therapy" I do is this channel, something that I can do to practice talking and don't have to actually interact with anyone lol. Other than the comments, which is not very hard at all. Like you said in the first part of your comment, there's not really much of a problem. So any "change" that would come from any form of therapy wouldn't be anything substantial, in fact it would probably not have a positive affect. But I think that if YOU are into a certain thing, whatever that thing is, then time and money is completely up to you to decide if it's worth it or not. For me, this is worth it. The occasional video and comments are a nice way to get my dose of "people" without the people.
Stuff and Stuff I respect your thinking. This was helpful, thank you.
happy new year! welcome back. you remind me of myself as a kid. maybe I'm schizoid too. keep posting
thanks for sharing your personal stories with your feelings and childhood behaviors. I as well had a history of childhood conduct disorder like burning things and stealing, which thankfully I've learned to understand the stigma on childhood conduct behavior and as well having low empathy doesn't correlate to a person being violent or destructive. glad I discovered your channel :)
Hey, just wanted to say thanks for posting these videos, as another ex-jw schizoid it's kind of nice/interesting to know that at least one person has had similar experiences to mine. I'd be interested to know how prevalent SPD is among jehovah's witnesses, I know that they have a much higher chance of developing mental disorders than the general popuation but schizoid is kind of one of those things that goes unreported for a long time, so I'm not sure if any statistics related to it would be accurate.
Wow! I was brought up in the JWs. I never knew there is a high incidence of SPD among them.
Interesting. I’m pretty sure my husband is SPD as well and he was raised in a strict Pentecostal family. He was child 4 out of 6 and his younger brother was born 11 months after him. Thinking about it all siblings show signs that they are emotionally stunted. Neglect and being forced to live in your own fantasy world just to escape a neglectful, unloving family and an abusive religion are probably creating this high incidence of SPD in these groups.
Great videos man, I really hope you keep doing what you're doing. I was wondering what your relationship with music is like? Do you listen to music a lot and does it do anything for you? If you do, i'd love to know what kind of music just out of curiousity. For me personally, music really helps me process and internalize emotions that I'm feeling, and really come to terms with them.
I just watched your video on emotions, which pretty much answered my question, so never mind lol
+LeHozay When I was younger it was the only emotional attachment I had to anything. Now its still the same thing, only I don't play and write my own as much. Ill hear a song where the melody just hits me like a mirror and I'll listen to it for days
I can totally relate. I taught myself guitar throughout middle school and early high school and got really into writing and recording songs in an attempt to discover new material with which i felt a profound connection. After a while, i sort of just lost interest, and recording just became a burden. I was always super into variations of rock. A lot of psych and noise rock, radiohead, floyd, just shit that had a heavy enphasis on emotion basically. I loved to just walk alone for hours and let it stimulate my thoughts and emotions. Music was always the center of everything for me
I met some students at my university and it is really helpful cause I can improve my studying with them. But I don't like or dislike them. They always want to meet after the lectures and "have fun together". I don't know what to do, cause I don't like social interaction. But I need them to study with me.
What should I do?
They say that serial killers often kill animals when they are children.
I'm not implying anything, I'm just saying an interesting fact.
Brian Jones I'm spd too and never injured animals. pretty sure this dude is just a psychopath and has it confused with spd!! alot of times spd prefer the company of animals as opposed to humans so this makes no sense......what would an spd gain from the torture of an animal?
Juris G first of all, psychopathy doesn’t work like that. Second of all, what caused his SPD was probably trauma so he hurt animals. It’s actually a pretty common response. He didn’t develop schizoid until way later. He didn’t always have schizoid. As a kid, he was considered too emotional to be schizoid. He just changed and his emotions numbed out. He also doesn’t get anything from it emotionally speaking and even said it himself in the video. I abused animals as a kid when I was about 11 to 12 years old due to being bullied but then again, both me and him were children. We didn’t know what we were doing. Now I have a pet cat and I don’t abuse or mistreat it at all. It’s actually not too uncommon for kids to go through a phase where they hurt someone or something. Especially not those who went through trauma and a generally rough childhood.
For a future question, what kind of music do you listen to? Or what is your favorite genre?
I like mostly Metal, and JazzFusion (essentially Metal and Djent with a Jazzy undertone)
Cool.
I was wondering how you generally respond to people paying you compliments? Like when you first met your girlfriend when she gave you compliments did you question them? How exactly did you navigate through your feelings about that kind of stuff?
The information you talk about is useful.
Jesus! That poor baby mouse. What do you think that was about? I’m genuinely curious
I know, it's not something I like to think about. Thinking back I don't even know what it was about, I don't remember feeling anything towards the actions. NOW I know I could never harm anything, I even stop the lawn mower for grasshoppers now so I have no idea where it was coming from. But from getting older and just learning a bit about life, I think that it's surprisingly normal for kids to do insane things when they don't have others to learn from. I was by myself 90% of the time so had no other "real" way to learn about life other than through first hand experience. Definitely something I'd like to hear a professional talk about, would be interseting.
@@StuffandStuff thank you very much for sharing.
As a kid I used to torture my pomerainians, I also didn't know why I did it
Come to think of it. I did "torture" insects as a kid. But I already loved my cats back then and would never have hurt them but still did messed up things to bugs like poking their eyes out with thorns, rip their legs and wings out or whatever, mind you I was unaware that they can't feel pain. It was mostly ladybugs and I feel bad for that so nowadays when I see a ladybug stuck somewhere or in trouble, I help it, lol.
I've always been empathetic and attached to animals. When a whale or dog or bug would die in a movie, I'd cry for hours on end whereas a human or kid, nothing.
Had to stop the video there, does schizoid parallel with sociopathy or what.
Though I did get recurrent nightmares of this island of cats where they were tortured and I couldn't escape their cries
I have moments, sometimes weeks at a time, where I prefer silence over music. And I also love animals, pets, more than people in many cases. Whenever I see a spider, I always attempt to save it and let it outside before someone steps on it out of fear. My brother is also into hunting. But I shot a bird with a bb gun when I was a kid as well, and felt so bad. Grew up on a farm.
I highly recommend having a pet, as a person who suffers from SPD. I am also not against religious beliefs, they can provide a certain wisdom. But I am not involved in any active religion as an adult.
I suspect myself of having SPD due to concrete reasons I don't care to list, however, as I was watching this, the animal question really interested me. I've never told anyone, aside from those present during those events, but as a child, I used to torture animals without feeling anything toward it. I'd throw my first pet dog, as a toddler, into a pillow case just to watch it struggle. I'd thrown a random persons puppy off a porch into a bush until it bled. I was reprimanded for these things, but I didn't feel anything about it. Later on, I'd find a dead little kitten by my window and threw it in the garbage because of the smell. I'd scare animals for fun until they deficated on themselves from the fear. I know this all sounds horrible probably, but the change in behavior toward animals came with a mouse as well, which is why that particularly interested me. It wasn't a pet. It was food for a snake that was being kept at that time. I'd put that white mouse in a cup with a lid and throw it in the air or at the ground. It was injured and wouldn't move when I opened the lid, but somehow only that time, I'd felt very sad that it had died when I watched it stop breathing. It was fed to the snake and as far as I can currently recall, I'd never hurt an animal since then and usually bonded with animals very easily since. I wish it were different, but those memories are a reality I lived with and if anything, it gave semblance to the fact that something was off from the beginning. Only I never knew what it was, until discovering SPD, that being said. Thank you for your videos. I hope when you feel up to it, perhaps you'll share a little bit more.
I know it's been a while, I am planning another video soon. It's kind of weird that a lot of people like this have done similar things. It's also funny to think how these things could have completely changed a persons life if a 3rd person were to see and report these things.
@@StuffandStuff Thank you for responding. It's good to know yer still alive. I look forward to any segments you may offer. Here's some good vibes yer way and have a Happy Halloween.
Thank you for sharing and being open about SPD. I suspect my boyfriend of 2.5 years might have SPD...….. Thank you , I appreciate you.
Hey 2 questions for you. Do you feel more at ease around other schizoid ppl then around average ppl? And do you ever have paranoia at all ? I know paranoia is a part of the other cluster A disorders.
awhh.. I have the same question. Relating to his entire channel, it is possible I could have spd LOL and I’ve come to realize I’m actually overly paranoid about things that don’t need to be even.. considered a thing... there is probably going to be some underlying issue for me but ALL OF THE TIMEEEEEE I am terrified everyone is trying to hurt me. A week ago, I was convinced for a few days that my classmates hacked my computer to catch me doing embarrassing things and post it everywhere.. I’ve stopped thinking about it now since it does sound very stupid and not true since they have no reason to do that. But it was a genuine feeling of “fuck! this is seriously happening what do I do what”. I’ve since kept my webcam covered with a sticker LMAO just in case.
@@asa7738 yeah I don't quite understand how paranoia relates to all 3 cluster a disorders. I'm learning a lot from videos though.
Same, abusive to animals as a child. Anima empath as a teen/ adult. Antisocial people never love animals or feel any empathy towards them. Something about having power over something weaker than you before you develop a moral code.
I balled crying when they were killing the snake on the movie Anaconda.
I also have SPD. Do you go to therapy? If you do, do you find it hard to go like its almost pointless. I've seen that the lack of research for SPD is due to the fact that many people that have it don't go to therapy or don't go to therapy consistently.
Brian Jones kinda get this think is one of the reasons I'm a thrill seeker and am an alcoholic (but yh don't drink no more managed to knock it on the head eventually). But yh the implanting feelings I get cause ours are so dim by default sucks!!!!! Like I love my family but equally I know for phases my emotions can next to vanish completely and ill just be left with memories of feeling which is horrible. Life's fucking boring without emotions and just pointless.
Some of this sounds like anti social personality disorder...is there any overlap I wonder
It's an interesting question. There's probably a lot of overlap with quite a few things.
Do you remember a time before you had schizoid or is it something you always feel you had..
I've heard the talk that a lot of schizoid are non religious? But the way I see it, we should be as psychiatric treatment can't really help us, I feel that maybe god has created us this way to punish us?.. So if we were to put in a little effort and ask for his forgiveness our lives might slowly change. I don't know if you believe in astrology and horoscopes, but I've looked into mine by a professional psychic and much of the things he told about my life were true. of course to find out everything would cost a load of money, but with the little he told me, he already mentioned the flaws in my stars and my personality and a brief sneak peak on how to cure it.
nmc well it isn't too late to change your fate and so what if its placebo? at least believing that you are alright and that to stop thinking about having schizoid personality makes a difference. We all need social interaction but these negative thoughts are the ones hurdling us. look at buddhas life story, he himself was probably schizoid, but he gained enlightenment in the end. and well, I'm not saying we all have to become buddha but for those that do believe in faith and reasoning to why things happen in a much more supernatural scale, perhaps religion is one way of overcoming difficulties
Adi Vish I'm not religious.
this filter looks better than the other one just saying
+Kiki Star Thank you. I might keep using this one. Also to your other comment, I have similar things happen sometimes. Doing something and during I wont feel anything, but later I'll sometimes have an overwhelming guilty feeling. Even if what I did or said wasn't even that bad.
Stuff and Stuff I haven't been diagnosed with SPD yet, but I have ALL the symptoms of a schizoid... What seems weird to me is that whenever I meet someone new I am not outgoing and social unless we happen to be talking about something completely unrelated to me or my personal self (basically just talking about random stuff not related to me). After that initial "stiffness" and after I meet up with that person for a second time and onwards I am basically a covert schizoid. I'm almost 22, I've never had a girlfriend and I've never cared for anything or anyone. When my grandmother died I was just like "fuck it she was never a good person". But what's weird is that one girl my age was diagnosed with uterus cancer recently (I liked her but nothing ever came of it since I was always too "cold") and it really hit me hard how I was always cold to her... So that's why I'm writting this comment basically, idk what to do really...
I should also add that that girl was basically the only girl in my life who showed interest in me...
I had a Folgers can that had a plastic lid I poked holes in it. I would then put my pet cat in the can and put the lid on and then sit on the can for a minute. Then take the lid off and let the cat out and then I would go catch the cat again and do it over again.
I felt no way for it either.
Oddly enough though for human babies I feel an immense protection over them.
I am indifferent to animals but love babies.
Odd.
That's it for me. Your discussion of hurting/harming animals is a red flag and I'm no longer interested in hearing anything you have to say. Frankly, I don't believe you're Schizoid. Antisocial yes, schizoid no. Later.
How strong is your sexual desire,do you lack it or is it just in your fantasy life/perhaps completely absent?
+Smy? Sometimes its non-existent. But I'm still human, and a guy nonetheless lol. So I have a pretty strong drive...sometimes I'll go weeks without thinking about it, other times its the exact opposite. (acting on it is a different story)
Smy? most covert schizoid still have a sexual life of some sort. whether it be through fantasizing or the actual act of it either way there are things that turn us on. like stuff and stuff eexplained there would be days you'd go without it, but when it does hit, its like an itch that has to be "released" as for overts, I've heard they don't have any. at the most theirs would be probably fantasy.
the word you're looking for is agnostic
what's your view on politics if I may ask? I'm assuming most schizoids are indifferent to it and i wanted to see if we're on the same page. I have about the knowlesge of a peanut when it comes to politics. You're in the military so it has to affect you someway. How do you feel about Trumps presidency and the immigration ban going on or his proposed idea to build the wall?
I don't really follow much of anything political. Kind of ironic considering I'm in the military (getting out soon!) I don't have any thoughts or opinions about it one way or another honestly. As long as I'm allowed to live to myself, then I don't care what happens out there. People are people, if they wanna fight, or lead, or do whatever it is they wanna do it's on THEM. I just wanna live in my cave lol.
stunner gunz I'm only self-diagnosed so grain of salt; most would call me radical. Like Trump, wish he'd go further, but understand he needs to move slow. Course my politics all descend from preventing my childhood from happening to others so it's personal.
Stuff and Stuff the way in informed about politics is through my college assignments where I'm forced to research about it. I seldom look into it by myself. unless it's something funny or amusing to watch such as protest fights. I don't care about Trumps or clintons economic or foreign policies. I'd only care about politics at all if it directly impacts me which it doesnt. politics is all about bias and attachment which I'm not of. personally I'd be interested in leading rather than following because that actually makes me someone.
Vergo Bret what? I have no clue what you're talking about dude
I was abused as a kid, today's political climate enabled this to happen. I'm heavily invested in politics because of personal matters, I'll tell you that its to prevent future abuse but the motivation is weak. I tend toward the incoherent on any mention of my childhood.
Bless you
update your title. this is about animal abuse
um....um.....ummm!!!
I am Schizoid too and follow Jesus, really reccomend it