I also grew up as a Jehovahs Witness. Type A personalities are so common in that group. My grandmother was a schizotypal and my father and I are both schizoid. The correlation between extremist religions and Type A personalities is interesting to say the least.
Though, maybe not liking being around people draws you into socially isolating cults. I personally wouldn't like going to church/equivalent at all, but eh, maybe being in a socially isolating cult is better than the alternative.
I had a very similar experience as you growing up. When I was a little kid I was incredibly social, everything came easily and I loved making new friends. Around 8 it changed and I couldn’t stand being around anyone, or talking to people. I was diagnosed as schizoid at 15. I think lack of affection from my parents definitely had an impact, and my mom using the Ferber method. It seems logical that lack of affection and attention in early life can lead to a child becoming completely withdrawn and dependent on themselves, like a survival mechanism kicks in that you can’t turn off. Psychological diagnosis is frustrating. It’s all based on observable behavior and that’s incredibly limiting. Every psychology or medical student thinks they can diagnose somebody, but even doctors make mistakes. I think the future of diagnosing mental and personality disorders will come from a better understanding of how these disorders are manifesting in our brains. So many different disorders have some component of a deficit in social functioning, it’s difficult to tease apart where a certain individual falls. Sometimes I wonder whether I am really a part of the schizoid spectrum, or something else like on the autism spectrum. Anyway, great videos man, I’m glad I found your page. My bad if this comment is way long.
thank you so much for making this video. i always felt so confused on how i felt and always classified myself as a sociopath or whatever but i don't "hate" or want to hurt people. i just feel like being around them is exhausting and draining and like you said constantly having to fake everything. its very difficult even having friendships because all i want to do is be by myself, but naturally everyone gets lonely. how does anyone live like that? i most recently wrote "its like my heart is in a glass cage suffocating, even though i can see everything going on and understand it, i just can't feel it" very informative video, we need more people in this world like you.
As a gf to a man that suspects he has SPD, I am extremely grateful to you for making this channel. He has a career as a lawyer and lives with two people who aren’t working. So I’ve tried not to be that nagging gf who adds to the stress. But I take pride in knowing he can be real with me no matter how bad his anhedonia gets.
I was diagnosed SPD in 1980. In about 15 minutes. I recently looked it up and decided that was completely wrong. The therapist I talked to in my HMO agreed that I was almost certainly autistic, but it would be expensive and time consuming to get a proper diagnosis. But the schizoid experience fascinated me; the ways it was the same as my experience and the ways it was different. I decided one of the characters in the book I'm writing was schizoid, in a pre-psychology fantasy world. His twin sister is trying to help him deal with his emotions and with human interactions through a process of trial and lots of error. Videos like these really help me understand my character.
Thank you for putting these videos up. You've given a platform for other people to discuss their own personal experiences, and reading all of them gives me comfort in that i'm not alone in this and that I shouldn't be ashamed of something that is not my fault.
I relate to this 100%. I'm 21 now, trying to maintain my relationship and it's very difficult sometimes. I feel so DRAINED after being any type of social. I'd like to get diagnosed but that means asking for help and I'm not inclined to do that whatsoever
Jasmine Wilder same issue I had with my girlfriend. I knew I loved her but putting up with conversation having to try so hard to be emotional exhausted me more than a 1000 calorie gym workout. life's tough for us schizoids
@@Chasing70 like he said to me too I don't see it like a disorder. The reason why we don't seek for help it's because we are comfortable with the life we are living... asking for help means that you want to change your current lifestyle or yourself but schizoids don't want to change it....for example I try to fit in the society be more interested in things but that's just like that's not me and I don't wanna do it, just want to be in my peace...
I agree with this- I was such a sweet kid that just wanted love, and I got everything that wasn't that. So now I keep to myself. I think it's a way to adapt with rejection.
Hi :) I'm a woman of 40, and I was diagnosed with SPD some years ago, but at that time, I didn't find anything really relevant to describe it. So thanks a lot for your videos because this is just the way I am. It's amazing. I have a boyfriend, too, who is very understanding, very clever, very sensible, but I feel sorry for him most of the time because I fear that a relationship with me is sometimes very frustrating (he accepts it, but I'm afraid it will be much of a sacrifice for him and at the same time, we are very opposite. For example, he can't stand being alone while it is just what I prefer). I will show him your videos, so he will know better what he will get into if he wants to be in a relationship with me. And so that he doesn't worry about not having to do anything for me or my lack of affective demands. To me, what you say about our having/not having emotions is not contradictory because that's exactly how I am, even if I understand that, from the outside, it's completely contradictory. For example, I am quite sensitive (I might do some mistakes in English because it's not my native language, which is French) but I do not express many emotions unless I feel trapped, which leads to a sort of meltdown. In a way, I've always looked at people who felt and express emotions like if they were weird or fake, "hysterical" if I should say it in a caricatural manner. This is not a judgement, I'm not pretentious or whatsoever, it's just the way I see it, from a distance, not "above it" or so. I am also diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. I always felt like that was right and wrong at the same time. I've been through things in my life which would have driven mad a lot of people, and I'm not very affected by that. I do not deny that I have anxiety, but not in a typical way (most people with anxiety would not do what I do) and it is the same with depression : I'm not crying around, I'm not expressing negativity, I'm in my usual flat-to-good mood (feeling quite alright) when I'm alone) and I'll recover from it spontaneously. I've had AD's but I felt like they were doing nothing to making me feel worse. I have some melancholy in the background, but not in a very invasive manner, except for very short moments, when I feel I just want to go home, like to "the planet which I come from" (I know there is no such). I've had that diagnosis because I feel very tired very quickly, especially from working and dealing with people. I even went through group therapy, which made me feel like I had gone through the most exhaustive day of work, although I can be quite a workaholic as well, under some circumstances like, for example, when I'm doing translations alone. I stopped, when I made the balance that I didn't learn anything from it. And I was just incapable of talking about myself, which made psychologists think I did not get involved (which was probably right in some way but I just didn't know how to, felt like I was doing my best). I've also a diagnosis of ADHD PI (not to say you have, but it was a trail I followed because I do have attention and concentration problems, and it sort of could explain my tendency to daydream, but it seems both conditions have that in common). Maybe I have both, or maybe it's just a feature of SPD. The main problem is also that I'm not interrested in very much. Although my brain craves intellectual stimulation, tells me I was not made for living in a room doing nothing. I would like to live according to Gandhi's "Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but learn like you're never going to die". But I can't, and I struggle with that contradiction. When I'm on my own, I spend a lot of time looking for music, daydreaming, and on social networks, because that's a comfortable way to interact with people and get, at least, some stimulation, some things to think about, while a part of me moans about loosing my time. On these social networks I am not doing smalltalk, just like I don't irl. This keeps me sane, as you say. I was never talkative, but what stuns me is that I've always been into writing (like many introverts, I suppose). Writing sort of teaches me how to talk. It also taught me what sort of people I could meet in order not to get bored out too quickly, have 'real" conversations. It gave me a way to express feelings, for example, to an ex boyfriend, who was as uncomfortable with feelings as I was, but who was also very uncomfortable with the fact that I didn't talk much. He used to tease me "so, you have nothing to say ?" (he used to have all these brilliant conversation with people and I, well... I envied that skill, felt like I should develop it, like I would ashame him if I didn't, like I would look stupid (but of course my mind felt empty, blurred, it was very painful and I ended up looking stupid, I suppose). With the years, I developped the mask, as you describe it. It makes me look quite warm. It's a reaction to people reproachning me being cold and weird and to my feeling there was something strange about me when I looked at how other people live. I'm still not binding, still pushing off people who try to make friends. Some "survive", knowing I am like I am, that I will almost never get back to them, not because I don't like them, but because I dont' think about it, and if I do, I just find a lot of pretexts not to. But as long as they are not invasive, they are welcome and I can even be pleased seing them (otherwise I would, again, invent that I'm not at home, overbooked - haha ! - ill, or so, until they'd get tired of it and drop the relationship). People also get attracted because I'm a very calm person. Makes them feel peaceful. As you say, getting relationships is easy (the cherry on the cake, as we say in my country, you seem to be handsome, I have the chance of not being "ugly" either, I guess that helps, objectively. Again, not to be pretentious, but that gives something like a soft-warm, quiet, goodlooking woman woman who listens a lot because she does that very well, wanting to learn from people, and because it saves her from talking, and many men or people actually love to be listened to, and also, as you say, I understand emotions quite well, but rather like a psychologist, with a glimpse of mystery, which can turn some into hating me because they finally hit a wall, and I'm not putting it there one purpose, to harm them, at all). But then, since it's a mask, things can get very uncomfortable as soon as I get into a love relationship. I almost feel like I should put "" around the word love... I feel like people have been attracted to me and betrayed by the mask, that they expected me to be someone else, someone they had a wrong image of, and I also feel that it is my fault, like both of us had chased an illusion. With the years, I see that it will not change until I'm not myself as much as possible. Before, I though "it must not be the right person". Now, I feel like there is no "right person", or at least, not in that manner, I can be "toxic" in a way that I don't want, even if I do not actually lie to or manipulate people. In the end, am coping like you do, a "part-time relationship", and also, in my case, something which I define more like a very close friendship, which I care about, but I wouldn't actually mind if he decided to leave and be happy with someone else, in fact, I wish it...I'm not exactly selfish, I live the way I live becuase, to me, it's a matter of balance, "survival", but I'm even a quite empathetic person... an apparent contradiction again. Some say we schizoids are narcissistic. I don't feel like it, as far as I'm concerned. Do you ? I don't know you but you don't seem to be either. Oops, I wrote a lot, and lost my trail many times. Hope it's not too confusing. Thanks for reading (if you had the courage to read till the end) and again, thanks for your helpful videos.
+Lemnis Kate That was probably the longest reply I've ever read. But it did make a lot of sense, thank you for the compliments. Also its noce to know some people understand, I'm not the best at putting things into words.
Thank you :) I will do my best to write shorter texts / answers :) (and they would become shorter with time, even if I didn't make the effort but I realize I wrote quite a lot yesterday and sure don't want to flood or so, but what you and other people here say makes so much sense, makes me think of so many things, too :) ). I was thinking about this yesterday, I will try to translate one of your videos into French one of these days (do'nt know yet if I'm capable so it is not a "promise" which I am not sure to hold but translation is one of the rare things I enjoy to do, I also do it as "sport for the brain" ) and maybe more, because the literature about it here is terribly poor.
okay, feeling tired from dealing with other humans is not a clinicaly signifigant factor for any mental ilness. thats called "introversion," and is natural. now... actualy feeling pain from it is another thing entirely.
That was awesome!! Especially the drunk part. My can drink wine all day and most people wouldn’t even think I was drunk. You are sooo on point. I can party but then I’m deflated after and need a week alone. 🥴❤️❤️❤️
I can relate to this. I don't think it really set in until puberty because that's really when i started avoiding and pushing people away (including family). Although I'm not exactly sure why. I know i was quite sensitive and anxious as a child. Especially around peers and my parents were perhaps overprotective of me. I'm still trying to figure it out but no i don't think i was born like this.
I first saw a video by Med Circle describing the differences between schizophrenia vs SPD with the intention of trying to understand more about an old friend that I had who I feel is currently developing paranoid delusions as I speak a little here and there with him. And when Med Circle brought up SPD, I was blown away. I don't feel emotion like other people, and when I do, am very bad at expressing it. So I dove into a rabbit whole of SPD (discovering your videos), and everything you talk about I relate with incredibly. I also feel like it was developed in my later years of adolescence but also always had a feeling that something was different about me. I speak with a LAC/LCPC currently about a recovering substance abuse addiction, I am going to speak with her this week about my self diagnosis of SPD. I relate to all the DSM text regarding SPD. I constantly am in a mask around people and it is draining. Whenever I tell people I prefer to be alone, they feel bad for me and I always have to explain to them not to feel bad for me because being alone is not only a choice, but a preference. I am now 30 years old and have lost many friends in my adult years because they think I am intentionally avoiding them. When I tell them I enjoy solitary away from my phone and people, they accuse me of using that as an excuse. My favorite job I ever had was a graveyard shift where I didn't have to come into contact with any people. Never been able to hold a job requiring social interaction for more than 2 years. I enjoy being around my family but not so much communicating with them but just being in arms reach knowing they are there. I haven't searched for a sexual relationship in over 6 years because I don't have the energy to support another's feelings and I prefer sleeping by myself in my bed. When I am praised or criticized I have to use energy to keep my mask on to appear like I am feeling grateful but really I feel apathetic to their opinions and rarely express my own unless its a passionate topic for me (art, artificial machine intelligence). I feel like having to show any emotion is draining, and my entire life I have been considered by people to be "too passive". No one can say anything to me that will set me off. I truly am overwhelmed by the comfortable feeling of indifference. I have always been told I am intelligent and I believe I am in the upper 50% area of all people concerning intelligence so I am confident in my ability to mask my feelings. For awhile I thought I might be on the autistic spectrum but because of this previous statement, I now am more confident it is SPD. I also am always telling people I am tired after more than 3 to 4 hours of partying and they call me things like "buzz kill", or "party pooper". I had to be alone for months at a time sometimes. And BTW I love the visual look of your videos. It fits perfectly for this topic. I also understand your drunken etiquette completely. I don't drink a lot but when I do I feel coherent, more expressive, and more talkative. How your talking now is probably closer to how you think, but you need to have a couple of drinks to express your thoughts to the world in a CZcams video more clearly with SPD. I also think its funny that you don't mind so much, the negativity of what people may want to say in the comments, as I wouldn't either. SPD pros.
You put things so eloquently. Thank you. I feel I took the similar course where I was always an introvert and needed time alone to recharge. I think it's really hard to discern exactly how we feel about social interactions when we're young because we're always taught that they are desirable, normal, good, functional... and that enjoying your own company over the that of others is indicative of a problem. It becomes difficult to separate your own ideals from the ones that you've been taught. I feel perfectly functional and if anything being socialized to think that the way I feel is wrong is what's damaging. And social development is important in a vastly social world but ignoring a person's agency, compelling them to go against their nature cultivates resentment and anger. It's not done nefariously but it happens all the same. I similarly grew to hate interacting with others. It was unpalatable, draining, unsatisfying, and generally unpleasant. But with age I gained perspective, it seems that you're in a similar space where there is discomfort on a situational basis but mostly ambivalence on a conceptual level. This is the world we live in, in order to live comfortably you must conform to certain rules. It's not necessarily bad or good, it's just life.
I wish I could send a more direct message but I'm so glad to have stumbled across your channel. I have a very complex trauma history that started about 8 years ago.. And only recently have I started coming to terms about this developed side of myself. I'm currently waiting for a proper psych evaluation and some kind of specialized therapy afterwards but today I have started watching your videos and I relate to absolutely everything. You are seriously helping me find the words to explain myself, which has been a huge struggle for so long..
Thank you. Means a lot knowing that my "troubles" might help someone. Healing is never an easy process, I hope you find what you're looking for in your evaluation.
When I was diagnosed with SPD, I was the most socialized era of my life. Even now, if I am performing as a vocalist, I am most comfortable on the stage, but walking to the back of the club and greeting the audience is awful, even frightening!!
I feel the same way as a guitarist. I feel most comfortable while performing on stage but I don't like it when people come up to me and try to talk to me after I'm finished paying.
This is literally everything I’ve been feeling. I’ve always just thought like I needed some alone time for myself but what it really was was recovering my mask. I feel like I understand myself so much more. And the coddling thing, I relate to that so much. I hate it when people ask if I’m okay because I’m doing just fine. And there are just some problems where only I can calm myself down where as having people there doesn’t help. Literally thank you so much for this video
You have surprising amount of coherence in your speech. I don't drink because i dislike the taste and the effect it has, but by looking and listening to you i can see how it would be to be drunk. Exactly how i thought it would be. Nice video.
First hand experience on the spectrum here. I think of myself as developed onset and born with the skillset. Deeper truth for me is that Schizoid is on my spectrum. Current therapist dx cptsd, she shakes her head says, "Don't see it." Schizoid Dx made by therapist I saw every week for 8 years. I have a wide range and a default set to schiz. Keep the videos coming. Appreciating this, thank you!
Thank you for sharing your SPD videos. My 20-year-old son has been diagnosed with SPD. I think it may overlap with high functioning autism, at least a bit for him. The videos help me better understand what he may be feeling. He's such a good kid, I just want to help him reach his potential and be happy 😊
Congrats for sharing your spectral experiences. I believe you are referring more towards, as I had read about it, secret schizoid. I can mostly relate to you, hmm... can be good and bad at the same time. Great for your courage to be on you tube.
Oh my god, for over a year my therapist has led me to believe I was autistic. Likely because he specialized in it. But I'm not at all, I can talk to people and I can see people's emotions in their faces. I just have apathy constantly, I'll joke a lot around people and speak well. Yet I'm empty and only there on the surface. This is deeply comforting. I felt so trapped in my earlier years and still occasionally struggle with it. My early home life definatelty caused me to be this way. But this makes me feel so much better, autism never made sense. Thankyou for these videos.
Thank you for sharing! I felt the same way and I never really felt like it was a real thing, so I figured I would see what the community was thinking about it. It's good you found these!
"Specialist-syndrome", if you claim to suffer from head ache, A dentist wants to inspect your teeth, a, Orthopaedist wants to see you walk, to spot a muscular dysbalance, a Psychotherapist expects emotional suffering causing psychosomatic pain, and a Brain Surgeon would be looking for a brain tumor.
This is an amazing channel to discover. I feel the same kinship I feel when I listen to the song Institutionalized by senses fail. Everyone wants to help and can't handle the fact that the help I want is to be left alone! Not always... But like most of the time, yea!
You and I feel exacly the same i have the exact simmilarities that you have. The gladdest thing is i can aprechiate you because i know what i'm going through. Alienation was always the best thing for me to do and i didn't know why although i wanted it dearly , but i just couldn't When a family memeber said to me connect with people i felt this anxiety and social presure reighning down on me as if i was cursed or possesed by a demon or something because i was pretty religious at that time. But now i know i'm not the only person in this world i feel comforted. I don't want to highlight you wayy up in the sky but i want to thank you you helped me more then you or i can imagine There is hope.
My husband was diagnosed with this. We had a terrible marriage for over 20 years. But the good news is he has started to outgrow it and things are wonderful today. So don't give up when you get into your 40s you will see a change for the better!
Thank you for explaining this. My boyfriend is like this and I struggled understanding him. I thought because he often wants to be alone that he does not love me. Now I understand it is just a part of his personality that he cannot easily change and I can be more understanding.
I am glad I came across your channel. I can relate in many ways. Just wanted to say a little something about labels, especially the ones that can be very limiting such as "disorder." I do recognize the importance of such labels, for they are very useful in communication. However, a label is not as black and white as a lot of people like to believe. For example, I personally will use the labels Autism, Asperger's, and SPD. I think their behavioral descriptions that they represent are valid for me to a certain extent, but they are limited and confining. For someone who is trying to understand me, those terms can be useful. But I am not just SPD for example, I am much more than that label can describe. It can be frustrating dealing with a generally black and white societal view that most people have, fearing anything that is different than the accepted norm, labeling anything that is not understood or outside of the societal box as being wrong or needing to be corrected. However, this is the lay of the land, as unfortunate and difficult as it may be to us personality types that are atypical. Acceptance and love of who I am, as different as I may be to most, is of the utmost importance to me. This has given me the necessary tools and attitudes I have needed to deal with those who view me as less than, who have labeled me as someone in need of being fixed. I am not broken, I'm just different and I embrace that. Have a wonderful day my unique friends.
I wonder how many schizoids get misdiagnosed with aspergers syndrome cause the two are so similar. I've been diagnosed with aspergers but unlike a lot of them I know what people are feeling, at least most of the time. I just come across as an a-hole at times cause I'm not on the internet to make friends- if someone likes me, great.. but I also know that in the end it doesn't matter really... there are so many people in this world. I need a lot of alone-time as well, it's very difficult.... if I go see a movie I need like a day to recover.
Autism is hugely overdiagnosed. The criteria is FAR, FAR too wide. People are claiming that autism is frequently misdiagnosed as other disorders when in reality it's the exact opposite at this point.
omg I am so glad I have found this comment, I've been diagnosed with aspergers but I really feel it is wrong and now that I've found Schizoid and I am finding information and hearing other peoples experiences I truly think I have been misdiagnosed. I too can understand what people are feeling unlike most autistic people. I've been telling my therapist for months that I don't think the label they have given me is right. I don't relate to those with autism. I relate to those with Schizoid from what I have read and I feel it makes much more sense.
Ive been watching a few of your videos and I feel like I can totally relate. Ive never been diagnosed with SPD, but all of these online tests say yep. you are for sure. but I totally have a similar background and as a child I could create pretty much entirely new worlds, and this is still pretty prevalent within myself where I have to be careful of my fantasy life and getting to understand what my fantasy life is telling me about how I want to live out my own life. People always felt like I was really chill, and for a long time I thought I was too. But eventually I just realized that I was very sensitive but I didnt have the ability to recognize when I was reacting to certain stressful situations or experiences because of this incredibly independent nurturing mechanism that had to do with my fantasies. I didnt agree with humanity or a lot of societies views and was also very bored by human interaction a lot of the time. What the media was presenting and how it affected people was abnormal to me also. Though there is something that I feel the need to throw out there because of my specific background. haha. When people get too attached to their personality disorders, I feel like it chains them to it and makes them feel like its something that doesnt allow them to fully come into their being. I am a very artistic person, who Ive come to learn, after years of thinking I was bland and spock-like, am actually pretty darn sensitive and I have a lot of dreams and desires that I just never gave myself credit for and didnt tap into until later in my life. Im 26 and didnt really learn to cry until like last year. But I also am way into spirituality. And my desire for more was actually a sense of rebellion against societies standard because it didnt mean that much to me. After exploring theology, starting to act on my own inner rebellion by going to art school, and tapping into my own spirituality, ive become a minimalist and have an innate desire to travel. Cognitive dissonance may tell me otherwise and say that I shouldnt create these desires. But with certain personality disorders, I think its great to understand how youve developed as a child, but I dare to question that perhaps its really something deep within (in my experience) that just desires to be tapped into and be discovered beyond everything that modern society would have us think. After getting out of my normal social background, going to art school, and traveling, Ive learned that there are a lot more people who experience the world with many different perceptions and its actually pretty normal. To box in someone with a PD seems incredibly suffocating. After watching Girl Interrupted when I was 17, I realized that a lot of PD's are just extreme versions of people, and society is kind of F'd up for thinking that labeling anyone as abnormal would make them an outcast. Not saying anything definite, but just thought id leave this here for questioning.
Thank you for writing! You're right that it's suffocating. But it's nothing more than a label. Just like cat, or dog, it's just a label to help you identify what exactly it is you're talking about. How people handle the label is a little intense sometimes.
I remember when I used to go out by the playground. And hide between the walls during recess. But then I was able to switch on a dime whether if I wanted to hang out with people. Vice versa. But then continuing to hate interacting with people. Lots of apathy.
I've never been professionally diagnosed but the various descriptions of secret schizoid fit me to a T. Also covert narcissist. (I know the association between covert narcissism and secret schizoidism is very controversial in the schizoid community.) But what you say about professionals, despite all their education, not really knowing what schizoidism really is, the way an actual schizoid does, is spot on. When we see that we're schizoid, it's not spurious or poorly thought out. The many tell-tale signs, the non-obvious ones are there, and we see them, and experience them.
There is no controversy in my eyes. NPD and SPD are the same at the fundamental level. It's all about a dysfunctional self hiding behind a mask. It's just that narcissists are raging aggressors and we withdraw. That's it :)
I agree with what you say. It's been a long journey of trying to unravel and understand who I really am, all social acceptable behaviours aside. So many labels. Introvert, avoidant, schizoid, etc. Haha. I sometimes feel, we are closest to the essence of who we actually are, and giving ourselves the space and time to sit with that...we prioritize being with our selves moreso than putting on a show and playing social games. Most people have normalized heavy extroversion..but it doesn't sit well with me. I could go down a rabbit hole and ramble more..but that's my point. Thanks for this vids.
a party or work where theres customer service is HELL. THANK YOU! I dont feel alone. what if you and I are just introverts. nothing wrong with us just introverts
I think part of the problem, is that whatever we involve ourselves in while being alone is difficult to communicate to the people you interact with on a daily basis, and some people either have no interest or no time to engage with you on the level that would be required to be worth spending time with them as opposed to the time you spend alone, which more often than not, is much more constructive.
just leaving another comment now that i know what the diagnosis is i can have peace with that because even in my loniest times i had this feling of pull in order to force myself into connecting with others and that is like a deathtrap emotionally and psychologically. But now that i know i can atlest be fine. It is truly legit to tell people that you are not comfortable at some moments but to me it's all the time but sometimes i want to connect untill they squasch at me when they come up with the suggestion to go out more. I have a new hobby that works so fine for me , i'm a mushroomhunter and i'm so happy when i connect with other mushroomhunters. Just me and nature around me untill someone comes by and says hi or silently droppes along.Then my day is ruined for 30 % but i'm so happy when i get home and cook em up. And when people come in and skype me or discord me with different stories of their lives i just can't connect i'm even angry at that moment for no reason,ending up feeling guilt. So in the future i do this planning ahead i just make sure my skype isn't up or any social network like FB or Discord in order just to avoid getting angry or hurt people unwillingly because i can show rage when i get disturbed. But most of the time i can manage to control myself unless they push me in order for me to pick up the phone or app or whatever you want to call it by spamming me with incomming calls ...even the doorbel can annoy me. Sometimes i sigh when do people understand on what i'm going through ? they will blame themself or me most of the time. It's a living hell from my p.o.v. failing to connect without any reason but i will learn to deal with it because this is who i am (in the carnl sense) but in heaven i will be the man i always wanted to be.
I've never met someone that I would relate so much, before. It is almost like looking in a mirror. I always knew there was something wrong with me and I've never exactly known what it is. I was affraid that I might be a sociopath even though I feel some sort of emotions and don't want to harm others. My childhood was really similiar, I was somewhat extroverted until 5 years and then I slowly started to avoid people. There was also a lot of stress because of my parent's brutal argues and I had to cope with it with shutting emotions down. In the last two years I started questioning myself. I realized I don't even know what is the mask and what is the real me. Because the real me was just an observant. Bland creature without real hobbies and with just a few friends left. I can't maintain friendships anymore. I'm having a great time with them in school but after I get home I just don't want to see them ever again. You won't see me on any social events or even in the grocery shop. Just lying in bed, doing nothing because nothing interests me for too long. Even people. I gave up on making internet friends. I usually start ghosting them in less than a week. So I wanted to thank you for this video. Now I finally know, who I really am. It is no totally positive realization, but it's better than feeling like I do belong nowhere. Thank you.
Hmmm, I feel interested in people, but it's just different from how other people feel. It's more "dull" or subdued. Like, I don't find things funny as much as amusing or absurd.
Bike Montreal Exactly the same here ;I love my friends and family but i cant remeber theire birthdates or what food they like because my brain somehow sorts this stuff out for being not important.I also come often in situations were people i care about are fighting or having another problem i cant fix,but instead being frustrated i must prevend myself from laugh out loud because the situation is so silly or stereotyp.
Wow great video! Very interesting! Have you ever taken the mbti test? I wonder if your an INTP or the enneagram? A type 5 maybe? I mean I've only watched this video but if you haven't checked it out you may be interested in mbti which is a personslity test and the enneagram test which is kind of similar but rather than saying we what we are like.... it tries to figure out what our deepest fear is.... which causes certain behaviors.... also astrology I love astrology and it sounds like earthy vibes mixed with water vibes. Thank you for your openess it was very informative and I enjoyed hearing what you had to say 🍀
I’m 15 years old and the only place I feel totally understood is these kinda videos. I watch a lot of schizoid videos nowadays cuz it felts better but on the other hand maybe it’s making me stay depressed too, I can’t really decide. The only thing I can say is I can’t stop watching these and I already diagnosed myself as schizoid and also some symptoms of schizotypal. I think I have them both, also avoidant personality. I don’t know which one caused the other or if they’re all connected. I go to therapy but I don’t share my real and the important thoughts, instead we -or I should probably say she- talk about social anxiety and depression but I know it’s not the big picture, just the figures of the whole. And I know probably, I must be at least 20 y.o or smth to get diagnosed as any kind of personality disorder although I already have solved myself. It only makes me feel worse to even be fake to my therapist many ppl are probably sharing all their inner things etc. but I don’t wanna or more likely CAN’T open up myself
One of the reasons why I don't work is (no surprise) people. But sometimes I feel that it would be possible (if I could work alone most of the time). What I often felt was I could never possibly deal with work AND a love relationship, for example. As you mention it, when you see people all day (even if they are few), I feel like my quota is full, more than full and I NEED to be alone. And every time I tried to explain that to someone, they just would NEVER understand it.
A while back I read something about SPD but forgot it quite quickly but recently I've been progressively getting more "concerned" because I can 100% see myself in these symptoms and experiences etc.
Well, I've always been this way. In Kindergarten, I was "held back" for not having any friends. Throughout my schooling, my teachers always pressured me into trying to "make friends" and gave advice, but it never worked. When I went to college (after the seven-year hiatus of never leaving the house), my adviser wouldn't let me take online courses when on-campus courses were available, because being around people would be "good for me" (though, my experience was the exact opposite; I became suicidal throughout college, though I did get temporary relief during breaks). After I quit college, I just withdrew and stay in my room pretty much all the time. It used to worry me what will happen when my mother dies (my father already has), but I've come to the realization that without my parents to take care of me, I'll just starve to death and I'm fine with it. I suppose some people develop this later, but your recollection of seeking friends in childhood really doesn't describe me. The only reason I tried to "make friends" was to satisfy my teachers, not because I wanted to, but I was just ignored anyway, so no big deal. I've never had a romantic partner either, which also, no big deal (it might be nice to know what sex feels like, but having to meet a partner's family and friends would be extremely uncomfortable, but I'm 44 years old and have never had sex (or experienced love), so I imagine I can make it through the rest of my life without it).
It sounds very similar to me. Could anyone make subtitles? I would be very thankful (English isn't my native language so sometimes it's kind of hard to use auto-generated subs)! Michael.
My brother visited this past weekend and through talking with him he divulged his partial medical diagnosis of SPD (partial being some doctors said PTSD others SPD but likely both now... Thanks military 😂). Through talking with him I can definitely see it in him to a deeper spectrum than what I also believe I have as well. For years I'd keep myself isolated, but at a point I chose to try to push my social interactions more and it seems I've been able to shelf that portion of my possible SPD. The biggest thing I'm finding these days is the overall indifference. I'd call myself emotionally flat. I love me some Star Wars and MCU movies as well as video games. But I basically feign actual excitement for them. Seeing others act so emotional over things gets my internal scoff going. Lastly, as this is basically a Ramblin response. I see some SPD in my dad as well, so I'm pretty sure it's a genetic thing, just all depends on how much was passed along and how we've been able to deal with it, mask it, fight it, shape it with life experiences. My Navy time was easy. My brothers Marine, then later Army time with combat and associated experiences pushed his to be worse, IMO.
All though we don't have fundamental emotions, we do get reactions and impulses, such as laughter and light anger. I have noticed another thing though. Goosebumps. I tend to think that people on the schizo spectrum experience more goosebumps than non schizos. I've always felt them from a young age, when listening to a popular song or watching an intense movie scene. I didn't tell many people about it because I felt that they couldn't relate. anyone else have this same experience with goosebumps?
I am convinced I have a friend with SPD, should I tell her I know it? Maybe she doent even know and it helps me saying that. But Im afraid that she might react really bad because she, as pple with spd, hates judging or being judged. Any advice would be highly appreciated!!😊
How do you handle with things such as jobs or school? I was at a recent job for 4 years, that was highly social with many people every day. It helped me to learn to develop a convincing mask, but after reaching a point I have finally quit. Now being jobless, I feel myself declining into complete isolation with no regard to my future and care for nothing more then my current desire for isolation. I'm starting to neglect essential things and even with that acknowledgment of concern, I don't seem to care about anything but being alone. I fear that I can only have one or the other.
Well I think that there are a lot of ways to handle these things. Everyone is different, so you just have to adjust to what works best for you. You sound like you go with the situation, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but when there's nothing leading you, or guiding you, you feel lost. Or maybe even comfortable with where your at. There's nothing wrong with that.
The point about being drunk and coming across as normal is startlingly relatable. There have even been times when I woke up hungover, and someone mentioned something I had said to them via video chat the previous night, and I admitted I had no memory of the conversation, and they were surprised because they didn't even know I had been drinking. I disagree about "drunkenness brings out the real you", though. Sure, it disinhibits you. But it doesn't disinhibit some deep, persistent part of your personality. It just disinhibits whatever you're feeling in the moment. For example, getting in a drunken fight doesn't mean you're a violent person "deep down". It just means that you temporarily got angry at someone, and that your usual rational self wasn't present to realize that a fight would be unproductive and then talk your impulsive self down.
I'm recently diagnosed schizotypal, and really prefer to be alone most of the time. One time I went 3 months without even seeing one person. no, isolation does have its detriments. I have found that it is not good to go too long without human contact. at least in that respect we are all still just like "normal" people. my mother is an orphan, and you never really gave me the affection and attention that I needed. she is a rather cold and calculating person. One time I came home from college and she was tossing around her small dog which was her pet. just because he wouldn't obey her commands. which looked like most of my childhood. I mean she was nice sometimes, but if you ever questioned her she would rain upon you like Satan on a Christmas party. I'm not sure I am okay with my diagnosis as schizotypal. For a time I thought I was schizoid, but on the field of psychology is so wishy washy it is hard to know exactly which category you actually do fit into, assuming those categories are based in any kind of science at all to begin with. and plus, I don't think schizotypal permit themselves to the extent that I have and am currently doing at the moment. I really have no choice I cannot stand being in the presence of people.
The mask was a good way to put it. I like your videos a lot. I always feel like there's something to say but rarely people are ready to hear it. Or want to hear it. Whatever. It's the same thing.
sorry for my bad English - it's not my first language. yes, we really need more personal space than most people. and it''s okay, for example i am not going to the party for a long time, but it does not make me frustrated. sometimes i think - it is not right. but it's okay. i have my minimum social activity with out that... it''s just my opinion. maybe i lie to myself. maybe i want more but it's scares me. i want it but the truth of the matter is that it's hard for me and i feel discomfort. every time. it's like a pie with shit. I want a pie but i don't want a shit. and that inner conflict make me angry. maybe you can give me an advise about this problem? i am appreciate it.
This sounds so similar to the autistic experience. I haven't been clinically diagnosed with either, but I also feel like I carry a "mask" with me. That makes social interaction very draining.
We need to consider that not everyone has the same level of social motivation or receives the same benefits from social interaction. Still, everywhere I go to find out about what helps asocial people feel a sense of belonging or they ways they sustain themselves is littered with language of deficit, fixing, abnormality and how to teach them to be 'normal'. If anyone has good signposting to books, research etc. that covers this side of life with more positive and productive insights I'd be really grateful.
I think it completely depends on the person. For some it could make things so much worse mentally depending on how intense the branch they choose. Others might thrive with the direction because they don't have to think, they're constantly told what to do and how to do it.
I agree with him; it depends on the person. I served 6 years in the military and I have no regrets. While I identify with this disorder, I had no problems functioning in that environment. Like Stuff said, we're told what to do and more than likely only one way to accomplish said task (I was an aircraft avionics technician). My job gave me time to be alone and troubleshoot or diagnose electrical problems (perfect). However, the military has "shifted", for lack of better terms, in a way where individual accomplishments make you progress; it was in this ladder that makes people like us thrive without depending on others. Now, you may think this goes against the "one team, one fight" or "brotherhood" that the armed forces are all about, but whatever task or duty you are given we can rationalize as inevitably logical and efficient to work with others. Majority of the time, I had no need for a "mask" because everyone you're with, introvert or extrovert (to encapsulate all types of people), are focused on military duty. In other words, yeah sure we're working together, but we're really looking out for ourselves to then later assemble the pieces, finish the goal, and go our separate ways. Now, keep in mind that this is only my point of view; moreover, while we may identify as SPD we still have our unique way to process the incoming traffic we call life. The military has a special way (I still can't fathom how it just happens) of making everyone "feel" the same (uniformity). In our lingo: when shit hits the fan, all differences are NON-EXISTENT. Therefore, the military is more than likely an easier place for people like us. The real challenge is when we make the ultimate decision to enter back to the civilian world or in other words, reality. That's my rant! (and no that exclamation point does not have emotion). -Edgar P.S. If you do join the military, don't make the mistake I did of excessively drinking to be able to tolerate social gatherings (this part is hard).
I have a combination of Schizoid and Avoidant. Don't even feel much of anything from most people but also fear ridicule and tend to staunchly avoid people. I don't feel the emotion of love at all, even for my own parent. I see people in these comments with SPD that seem to at the very least have a girlfriend/boyfriend, but I can't even connect on the most basic level with romanticism, love and romanticism makes me sick. It's a very odd life. A vision of my future that always comes to me is I see myself in a dark room 40 years from now dying alone with nobody around. Fun times.
Well in my case i was experiencing radical feelings of alienation before age 10.. existential alienation by age 7 for sure.. my siblings seemed to handle similar situations fine.. I'd say it's a combo.. the adaptations cluster around the nature.. but can be more extreme or less.. and probably people who are not 'cluster a' spectrum may even use resort to these adaptations under extreme stress.. but are much less likely to get stuck in them..
Quite a few people say it's something you're born with, but that sounds more like a pervasive developmental disorder than a personality disorder to me. That might be due to the SPD criteria lacking specificity though, seeing as how differentiating SPD from broader autistic phenotype (subclinical autism) is an issue that comes up every now and then in the psych literature. In any case, your experiences really resonate with me. I had loads of friends in childhood and my early teens (despite showing a few mild SPD traits as a kid), but as I went through puberty and got into early adulthood, having friends and social connections seemed more and more unnecessary. I'm the same age as you, and I don't even bother maintaining any of my old connections. I even ignore messages from my own family now, since I don't really care about them. My father's the same, although I didn't get his narcisstic PD, thankfully!
I can totally uderstand your need for being alone.I'm full blown shizofrenic. For me it's like having all those things which make you want to be alone in my head. I can't run from them, hide anywhere. Everyone has his own devils I guess.
I honestly wonder if societies treatment of me is causing me to become Schizoid because I relate to the slow creep that you describe. it feels like i'm being tortured by the rest of society, that's all it offers me is just torture. It feels like the only way to win the game is to not play at all at this point.
There is a thing called secret or covert SPD. Where you are able to interact with people like a normal person. Are very hard to spot and can fool professionals. As far as being born with it or not. There is a genetic component that shares some genes with schizofrenia. But there is definitely a social component as well. Usually mental trauma, parents not being there or the like.
I can "socialize" when I have to. I learned a lot from watching people reading books, watching TV and movies. I learned how to more or less function in society. Most of the time I get it right, but there have been times when I totally F'd up by giving the wrong reaction to a situation.
The second person who thinks is schizoid I've seen this week that thinks it's related to emotional neglect issues at childhood. Am i the only schizoid that had a normal childhood and loving parents but can't feel anything for them and etc.?
I went to a psychiatrist once and he actually told me that SzPD was a very good possibility of what I was dealing with. I didn't follow up with treatment because at the time I didn't agree with him. Listening to these videos I sm starting to agree with him the more that I listen. I went through molestation and abuse as a kid also. I have also been homeless for long periods of time. And I have seen how people can be towards the homeless. There are some things that I have heard that I disagree with though like for example schizoids have absolutely no interest or want to have sex its just that they or we don't want long term relationships or too much closeness. And that we dont want friends Im just more particular I dont hang out with anybody my age they are all older, at times I cant stand to be alone or at least I think I cant and then when Im around people I feel something inside me wanting to get away from them like I could just go anywhere just to get away from them, And that there is more of a risk of violence I will go out if my way to avoid confrontation but if it comes to find me I hold nothing back Im straight the fuck up in your grill with no emotion at all.
I have an ex that I always saw as "broken", mostly because he didn´t care much about anything and because his parents were assholes. He went to some kind of counselor (excuse my not perfect english) because his mom made him and got "diagnosed" with depression and anxiety. He didn´t really talk much about it, or anything else either. We were together for almost five years but never moved in together because he would never get stuff done, just think about them and then not finding any joy in doing them. He also got bored easily. I have no idea if he has SPD but you talked in another video about how you can spot "mannerisms" in others with SPD and how you move yourself when you talk, your facial expressions and even the tone of your voice is to much like his that I am scared and fascinated all at once. Is that the type of mannerisms you were talking about? I don´t want to offend anyone I just felt like a huge penny dropped and a light bulb went on and I had to ask. Another thing my ex use to do was try different mean stuff just to get a reaction, which I now that i think back on it might have been ways for him to see if he would feel anything in response to my (often bad or upset) reaction. I don´t know if that has ANYTHING to do with SPD (undiagnosed) or if it was just a learned behavior from his asshole-dad - that once invited me for a barbecue only to "forget" that I didnt eat meat so I literally got one orange, a few sprouts and one half of a piece of bread to eat all evening and all the dad did was laugh when I got angry. I think the dad was a psychopath, he felt no remorse at all. Anyways... sorry for the life story.
I agree with you. I also feel like the disorder starts off as something very small, but grows worse when you get older and experience certain things. When I was 4 years old, I'd rather played video games than interact with a whole bunch of people for long periods of time. That grew worse when I got older. Right now, it's like 95% "doing stuff alone" and 5% interaction. I can't handle much beyond that. I'm completely dysfunctional.
try to have at least some minimum social communication. I'm a secret schizoid. I talk to a lot of people at my college. I seem extroverted and interactive on the outside, but I get nothing from it on the inside. as awkward as it is, try talking to girls or someone if the opposite sex. get their social media/ contact info, it makes me feel better, even though you don't care about 80% of the shit you talk about anyways, but it makes you at least appear as someone. that's what I've learned.
My SD story is unique.. as a teenager I was really happy and outgoing. I loved life, music, friendship and girls.. then when I was 23 years old I stopped feeling emotion... all of a sudden I felt no sadness, no happiness, no anger, and no love.... I started to feel trapped in my own body and was unable to express feelings. I went to a psychiatrist and they treated me for every mental illness there is. but the medicines had no effect on me. I still could not feel any emotions... at first I would try to hang out with friends but no longer felt any feelings toward them. Then I ended up staying locked in my house by myself for a whole year. I dislike my circumstances but hanging out with friends and being social doesn't help me at all. I just feel blank. I feel like a zombie. it's like nothing in life matters anymore. I don't feel sad or empty, but life for me is pointless. nothing is enjoyable or worthwhile to me.
+MISTER Right hmmm are you sure that's it's a schizophrenic spectrum disorder? spd and stpd are disorders that show signs of beginning from early adolescence. if you were perfectly normal until 23, then your schizo is kicking in really late meaning somehow you were tolerant to it earlier in life
+MISTER Right was there anything traumatic that happened to you prior to your descent? heartbreak, loss of a family member, loss of job? usually it takes a special force or reason for people to become schizoid. and it happens gradually, not at once.
+stunner gunz yes something happened but I don't feel comfortable saying what happened, but I've been this way for 7 years now, almost 8 and I still feel no sadness, no happiness, no love and no hate... life is just bland. I listen to music and feel no feelings, I've dated a beautiful woman and felt no excitement or desire. I watch movies and feel nothing.. when bad things happen I feel nothing. when wonderful things happen I feel nothing.
Would you describe yourself as a covert schizoid ? Some people with spd will go on to marry have kids and be high functioning socially but deep down they will not get much from all that as they will still feel disconnected from everything. I myself dont mind a small amount of social interaction like 20% of the time but like you said i still need a lot of alone time to recover and feel like myself again like i feel like i lose myself if im around people for too long. Thanks for the vid.
I am definitely "high functioning" (I hate that term), but unless I said anything, no one would know I didn't like them. I have a job, and a girlfriend. But there's just nothing in it for me. Most of it is just to fit in.
+Stuff and Stuff I do things to fit in, and I'd rather be alone 95% of the time. Do you feel these things all the time? I love my daughter but dislike most people, most of the time. If not for her, I wouldn't give two shits. Do you think there are exceptions? Or none at all? I'm at least bipolar and quite possibly on the schizoid spectrum.
Kay Thompson Well, with everything, everyone is different. The way you feel may not be the same for other people so I can't say that there ARE exceptions. Because for some, there may not be. I know for me, there are a VERY small, select few that are an exception (my girlfriend and my mom and dad). It's a good thing you recognize it though, I think it helps to understand it a bit.
That is crazy you talk about a mask. I've written several songs about this concept for my own sanity but had no idea it was possibly part of a personality disorder. I really relate to what you are talking about but how do you know you don't have Avoidance personality disorder vs Schizoid?
I don't. At least I don't know where I would fall on the "grid" of disorders lol. I just know how I feel, and that's what I generally go by. I just know that Schizoid was strongly suggested by the last Psychologist I was seeing.
We are 2 😅 I've found my twin , thought was the only weirdo , a sort of Alien coming out of nowhere ! 😅I don't like people, I don't like socializing ! I live on my mind ! Beyond all I hate going out it's like HELL to me bruh gives me nausea, panick attacks litterally 🤢 ! I spend 90% of my time ALONE in my house, I create my own bubble. To make it simple, I live in a huge bubble
I don't think you have add at all. I have some of the same symptoms as you and I'm extremely sure I have some adh schizophrenic type disorder because my mother WAS diagnosed with schizophrenia. I feel if you had ADD you would not know what to say next. do you have a close blood relative that had schizophrenia or some similar disorder?
Most mental problems have a spectrum. From autism to ADHD to personality disorders and so on. This idea that you must fit an absolute rigid definition of these things in order to have them is ludicrous. And some people how more than one of these conditions at the same time which further complicates the matter
I am a twenty-one years old German chick having a lot of isolation phases in my current life and I can totally relate to the things said in thew video :/ But it really runs in the family...my parents were no different.
he you stuff and stuff.. your really lucky to be able to like your girlfriend... my SD is so severe that I can't like women. I can't feel any emotion at all. I don't enjoy being around anyone, and I don't enjoy doing anything.... sure I can put on a mask too, but going to parties and dating while putting on a mask seems like it makes my life worse. I don't like being this way, but no matter what I do, I feel nothing. it seems pointless for me to leave the house. also, nothing feels good or comforting to me. I just feel trapped. you are very lucky.
I know that's got to be hard sometimes. Some things I can definitely understand, like not wanting to leave the house, or the mask making things worse. I definitely look up to people like you because just having it at the level that I do, it's hard. Being in your shoes, I don't think I would've made it very far. You're a much stronger person than I am.
+Stuff and Stuff I appreciate you too and your first video on SPD kept me going. when I saw that video I thought: wow, someone knows what I deal with everyday.... most people who don't have SPD just can't understand because they feel that all humans have to feel emotions. keep on pumpin out those videos...
Would you say that you keep your mask when you are alone with your girlfriend? I can't imagine being with someone and not being able to show them your true self... that said I've never really had any kind of relationship
It's a weird thing for me because I never really identified with the whole mask thing, but everything else sounds just like me... I guess that boils down to the whole overt/covert aspect of it. I think I've actually improved a lot recently though...
+Stuff and Stuff its good that you made it through college and have a good technical job. for me being in college rn, with this disorder its hard to process the information and store it properly when you're so absorbed by yourself. while I take a test, its like my mind is literally empty, not thinking about or trying to recapture the information on which i studied about. this caused me to fail so many exams. maybe its just me or it's a bulletpoint in people with SPD.
Of course, we're still human lol. There may be some connection to physical pain thresholds but yes we're still human, we still feel physical pain. This disorder is primarily mental numbness.
I also grew up as a Jehovahs Witness. Type A personalities are so common in that group. My grandmother was a schizotypal and my father and I are both schizoid. The correlation between extremist religions and Type A personalities is interesting to say the least.
Though, maybe not liking being around people draws you into socially isolating cults. I personally wouldn't like going to church/equivalent at all, but eh, maybe being in a socially isolating cult is better than the alternative.
I had a very similar experience as you growing up. When I was a little kid I was incredibly social, everything came easily and I loved making new friends. Around 8 it changed and I couldn’t stand being around anyone, or talking to people. I was diagnosed as schizoid at 15. I think lack of affection from my parents definitely had an impact, and my mom using the Ferber method.
It seems logical that lack of affection and attention in early life can lead to a child becoming completely withdrawn and dependent on themselves, like a survival mechanism kicks in that you can’t turn off.
Psychological diagnosis is frustrating. It’s all based on observable behavior and that’s incredibly limiting. Every psychology or medical student thinks they can diagnose somebody, but even doctors make mistakes. I think the future of diagnosing mental and personality disorders will come from a better understanding of how these disorders are manifesting in our brains. So many different disorders have some component of a deficit in social functioning, it’s difficult to tease apart where a certain individual falls. Sometimes I wonder whether I am really a part of the schizoid spectrum, or something else like on the autism spectrum.
Anyway, great videos man, I’m glad I found your page. My bad if this comment is way long.
No problem man, I like hearing what people think about this stuff.
Well, some people think that SPD is actually a form of autism, because it resembles Asperger so much.
Something similar here. I had lots of friends and was very social until I was 8 or 9. Weird.
thank you so much for making this video. i always felt so confused on how i felt and always classified myself as a sociopath or whatever but i don't "hate" or want to hurt people. i just feel like being around them is exhausting and draining and like you said constantly having to fake everything. its very difficult even having friendships because all i want to do is be by myself, but naturally everyone gets lonely. how does anyone live like that? i most recently wrote "its like my heart is in a glass cage suffocating, even though i can see everything going on and understand it, i just can't feel it" very informative video, we need more people in this world like you.
I'm like that android in that episode of "Star Trek": I don't even understand what loneliness is.
As a gf to a man that suspects he has SPD, I am extremely grateful to you for making this channel. He has a career as a lawyer and lives with two people who aren’t working. So I’ve tried not to be that nagging gf who adds to the stress. But I take pride in knowing he can be real with me no matter how bad his anhedonia gets.
I was diagnosed SPD in 1980. In about 15 minutes. I recently looked it up and decided that was completely wrong. The therapist I talked to in my HMO agreed that I was almost certainly autistic, but it would be expensive and time consuming to get a proper diagnosis.
But the schizoid experience fascinated me; the ways it was the same as my experience and the ways it was different.
I decided one of the characters in the book I'm writing was schizoid, in a pre-psychology fantasy world. His twin sister is trying to help him deal with his emotions and with human interactions through a process of trial and lots of error. Videos like these really help me understand my character.
Thank you for putting these videos up. You've given a platform for other people to discuss their own personal experiences, and reading all of them gives me comfort in that i'm not alone in this and that I shouldn't be ashamed of something that is not my fault.
I relate to this 100%. I'm 21 now, trying to maintain my relationship and it's very difficult sometimes. I feel so DRAINED after being any type of social. I'd like to get diagnosed but that means asking for help and I'm not inclined to do that whatsoever
my mom even described me as a "loner baby" hating to be held lol and her lack of attention emphasized it I think.
Yeah, I can definitely understand that.
Jasmine Wilder same issue I had with my girlfriend. I knew I loved her but putting up with conversation having to try so hard to be emotional exhausted me more than a 1000 calorie gym workout. life's tough for us schizoids
Can I ask a question from the people who have SPD? What's the reason you refuse therapy? Is it too much effort?
@@Chasing70 like he said to me too I don't see it like a disorder. The reason why we don't seek for help it's because we are comfortable with the life we are living... asking for help means that you want to change your current lifestyle or yourself but schizoids don't want to change it....for example I try to fit in the society be more interested in things but that's just like that's not me and I don't wanna do it, just want to be in my peace...
I relate deeply to nearly everything you are talking about here. Thank you for expressing your thoughts in this video.
Your welcome this book worked so well for me i can and do everything now its as close to a coure that there is and I want to let as meny
People know about this as possible
I agree with this- I was such a sweet kid that just wanted love, and I got everything that wasn't that. So now I keep to myself. I think it's a way to adapt with rejection.
I can relate to that. Childhood development is so important and often overlooked.
Hi :)
I'm a woman of 40, and I was diagnosed with SPD some years ago, but at that time, I didn't find anything really relevant to describe it. So thanks a lot for your videos because this is just the way I am.
It's amazing.
I have a boyfriend, too, who is very understanding, very clever, very sensible, but I feel sorry for him most of the time because I fear that a relationship with me is sometimes very frustrating (he accepts it, but I'm afraid it will be much of a sacrifice for him and at the same time, we are very opposite. For example, he can't stand being alone while it is just what I prefer).
I will show him your videos, so he will know better what he will get into if he wants to be in a relationship with me. And so that he doesn't worry about not having to do anything for me or my lack of affective demands.
To me, what you say about our having/not having emotions is not contradictory because that's exactly how I am, even if I understand that, from the outside, it's completely contradictory. For example, I am quite sensitive (I might do some mistakes in English because it's not my native language, which is French) but I do not express many emotions unless I feel trapped, which leads to a sort of meltdown. In a way, I've always looked at people who felt and express emotions like if they were weird or fake, "hysterical" if I should say it in a caricatural manner. This is not a judgement, I'm not pretentious or whatsoever, it's just the way I see it, from a distance, not "above it" or so.
I am also diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. I always felt like that was right and wrong at the same time. I've been through things in my life which would have driven mad a lot of people, and I'm not very affected by that. I do not deny that I have anxiety, but not in a typical way (most people with anxiety would not do what I do) and it is the same with depression : I'm not crying around, I'm not expressing negativity, I'm in my usual flat-to-good mood (feeling quite alright) when I'm alone) and I'll recover from it spontaneously. I've had AD's but I felt like they were doing nothing to making me feel worse.
I have some melancholy in the background, but not in a very invasive manner, except for very short moments, when I feel I just want to go home, like to "the planet which I come from" (I know there is no such).
I've had that diagnosis because I feel very tired very quickly, especially from working and dealing with people. I even went through group therapy, which made me feel like I had gone through the most exhaustive day of work, although I can be quite a workaholic as well, under some circumstances like, for example, when I'm doing translations alone. I stopped, when I made the balance that I didn't learn anything from it. And I was just incapable of talking about myself, which made psychologists think I did not get involved (which was probably right in some way but I just didn't know how to, felt like I was doing my best).
I've also a diagnosis of ADHD PI (not to say you have, but it was a trail I followed because I do have attention and concentration problems, and it sort of could explain my tendency to daydream, but it seems both conditions have that in common). Maybe I have both, or maybe it's just a feature of SPD.
The main problem is also that I'm not interrested in very much. Although my brain craves intellectual stimulation, tells me I was not made for living in a room doing nothing. I would like to live according to Gandhi's "Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but learn like you're never going to die". But I can't, and I struggle with that contradiction. When I'm on my own, I spend a lot of time looking for music, daydreaming, and on social networks, because that's a comfortable way to interact with people and get, at least, some stimulation, some things to think about, while a part of me moans about loosing my time. On these social networks I am not doing smalltalk, just like I don't irl. This keeps me sane, as you say.
I was never talkative, but what stuns me is that I've always been into writing (like many introverts, I suppose). Writing sort of teaches me how to talk. It also taught me what sort of people I could meet in order not to get bored out too quickly, have 'real" conversations. It gave me a way to express feelings, for example, to an ex boyfriend, who was as uncomfortable with feelings as I was, but who was also very uncomfortable with the fact that I didn't talk much. He used to tease me "so, you have nothing to say ?" (he used to have all these brilliant conversation with people and I, well... I envied that skill, felt like I should develop it, like I would ashame him if I didn't, like I would look stupid (but of course my mind felt empty, blurred, it was very painful and I ended up looking stupid, I suppose).
With the years, I developped the mask, as you describe it. It makes me look quite warm. It's a reaction to people reproachning me being cold and weird and to my feeling there was something strange about me when I looked at how other people live. I'm still not binding, still pushing off people who try to make friends. Some "survive", knowing I am like I am, that I will almost never get back to them, not because I don't like them, but because I dont' think about it, and if I do, I just find a lot of pretexts not to. But as long as they are not invasive, they are welcome and I can even be pleased seing them (otherwise I would, again, invent that I'm not at home, overbooked - haha ! - ill, or so, until they'd get tired of it and drop the relationship).
People also get attracted because I'm a very calm person. Makes them feel peaceful. As you say, getting relationships is easy (the cherry on the cake, as we say in my country, you seem to be handsome, I have the chance of not being "ugly" either, I guess that helps, objectively. Again, not to be pretentious, but that gives something like a soft-warm, quiet, goodlooking woman woman who listens a lot because she does that very well, wanting to learn from people, and because it saves her from talking, and many men or people actually love to be listened to, and also, as you say, I understand emotions quite well, but rather like a psychologist, with a glimpse of mystery, which can turn some into hating me because they finally hit a wall, and I'm not putting it there one purpose, to harm them, at all).
But then, since it's a mask, things can get very uncomfortable as soon as I get into a love relationship. I almost feel like I should put "" around the word love... I feel like people have been attracted to me and betrayed by the mask, that they expected me to be someone else, someone they had a wrong image of, and I also feel that it is my fault, like both of us had chased an illusion. With the years, I see that it will not change until I'm not myself as much as possible. Before, I though "it must not be the right person".
Now, I feel like there is no "right person", or at least, not in that manner, I can be "toxic" in a way that I don't want, even if I do not actually lie to or manipulate people. In the end, am coping like you do, a "part-time relationship", and also, in my case, something which I define more like a very close friendship, which I care about, but I wouldn't actually mind if he decided to leave and be happy with someone else, in fact, I wish it...I'm not exactly selfish, I live the way I live becuase, to me, it's a matter of balance, "survival", but I'm even a quite empathetic person... an apparent contradiction again. Some say we schizoids are narcissistic. I don't feel like it, as far as I'm concerned. Do you ? I don't know you but you don't seem to be either.
Oops, I wrote a lot, and lost my trail many times. Hope it's not too confusing.
Thanks for reading (if you had the courage to read till the end) and again, thanks for your helpful videos.
+Lemnis Kate That was probably the longest reply I've ever read. But it did make a lot of sense, thank you for the compliments. Also its noce to know some people understand, I'm not the best at putting things into words.
Thank you :) I will do my best to write shorter texts / answers :) (and they would become shorter with time, even if I didn't make the effort but I realize I wrote quite a lot yesterday and sure don't want to flood or so, but what you and other people here say makes so much sense, makes me think of so many things, too :) ).
I was thinking about this yesterday, I will try to translate one of your videos into French one of these days (do'nt know yet if I'm capable so it is not a "promise" which I am not sure to hold but translation is one of the rare things I enjoy to do, I also do it as "sport for the brain" ) and maybe more, because the literature about it here is terribly poor.
PS - you are better at putting things into word than you think :) But that's also what I discovered with writing.
It's so nice to find others with similar experiences.
okay, feeling tired from dealing with other humans is not a clinicaly signifigant factor for any mental ilness. thats called "introversion," and is natural. now... actualy feeling pain from it is another thing entirely.
Much love to you man. These videos help me a lot. I recently discovered I have this and it’s been hard to navigate. I really appreciate these videos.💗
That was awesome!! Especially the drunk part. My can drink wine all day and most people wouldn’t even think I was drunk. You are sooo on point. I can party but then I’m deflated after and need a week alone. 🥴❤️❤️❤️
I can relate to this.
I don't think it really set in until puberty because that's really when i started avoiding and pushing people away (including family).
Although I'm not exactly sure why.
I know i was quite sensitive and anxious as a child.
Especially around peers and my parents were perhaps overprotective of me.
I'm still trying to figure it out but no i don't think i was born like this.
I first saw a video by Med Circle describing the differences between schizophrenia vs SPD with the intention of trying to understand more about an old friend that I had who I feel is currently developing paranoid delusions as I speak a little here and there with him. And when Med Circle brought up SPD, I was blown away. I don't feel emotion like other people, and when I do, am very bad at expressing it. So I dove into a rabbit whole of SPD (discovering your videos), and everything you talk about I relate with incredibly. I also feel like it was developed in my later years of adolescence but also always had a feeling that something was different about me. I speak with a LAC/LCPC currently about a recovering substance abuse addiction, I am going to speak with her this week about my self diagnosis of SPD. I relate to all the DSM text regarding SPD.
I constantly am in a mask around people and it is draining. Whenever I tell people I prefer to be alone, they feel bad for me and I always have to explain to them not to feel bad for me because being alone is not only a choice, but a preference. I am now 30 years old and have lost many friends in my adult years because they think I am intentionally avoiding them. When I tell them I enjoy solitary away from my phone and people, they accuse me of using that as an excuse.
My favorite job I ever had was a graveyard shift where I didn't have to come into contact with any people. Never been able to hold a job requiring social interaction for more than 2 years.
I enjoy being around my family but not so much communicating with them but just being in arms reach knowing they are there. I haven't searched for a sexual relationship in over 6 years because I don't have the energy to support another's feelings and I prefer sleeping by myself in my bed. When I am praised or criticized I have to use energy to keep my mask on to appear like I am feeling grateful but really I feel apathetic to their opinions and rarely express my own unless its a passionate topic for me (art, artificial machine intelligence). I feel like having to show any emotion is draining, and my entire life I have been considered by people to be "too passive". No one can say anything to me that will set me off. I truly am overwhelmed by the comfortable feeling of indifference. I have always been told I am intelligent and I believe I am in the upper 50% area of all people concerning intelligence so I am confident in my ability to mask my feelings. For awhile I thought I might be on the autistic spectrum but because of this previous statement, I now am more confident it is SPD.
I also am always telling people I am tired after more than 3 to 4 hours of partying and they call me things like "buzz kill", or "party pooper". I had to be alone for months at a time sometimes.
And BTW I love the visual look of your videos. It fits perfectly for this topic. I also understand your drunken etiquette completely. I don't drink a lot but when I do I feel coherent, more expressive, and more talkative. How your talking now is probably closer to how you think, but you need to have a couple of drinks to express your thoughts to the world in a CZcams video more clearly with SPD. I also think its funny that you don't mind so much, the negativity of what people may want to say in the comments, as I wouldn't either. SPD pros.
You put things so eloquently. Thank you.
I feel I took the similar course where I was always an introvert and needed time alone to recharge. I think it's really hard to discern exactly how we feel about social interactions when we're young because we're always taught that they are desirable, normal, good, functional... and that enjoying your own company over the that of others is indicative of a problem. It becomes difficult to separate your own ideals from the ones that you've been taught.
I feel perfectly functional and if anything being socialized to think that the way I feel is wrong is what's damaging. And social development is important in a vastly social world but ignoring a person's agency, compelling them to go against their nature cultivates resentment and anger. It's not done nefariously but it happens all the same. I similarly grew to hate interacting with others. It was unpalatable, draining, unsatisfying, and generally unpleasant. But with age I gained perspective, it seems that you're in a similar space where there is discomfort on a situational basis but mostly ambivalence on a conceptual level. This is the world we live in, in order to live comfortably you must conform to certain rules. It's not necessarily bad or good, it's just life.
I wish I could send a more direct message but I'm so glad to have stumbled across your channel. I have a very complex trauma history that started about 8 years ago.. And only recently have I started coming to terms about this developed side of myself. I'm currently waiting for a proper psych evaluation and some kind of specialized therapy afterwards but today I have started watching your videos and I relate to absolutely everything. You are seriously helping me find the words to explain myself, which has been a huge struggle for so long..
Thank you. Means a lot knowing that my "troubles" might help someone. Healing is never an easy process, I hope you find what you're looking for in your evaluation.
When I was diagnosed with SPD, I was the most socialized era of my life. Even now, if I am performing as a vocalist, I am most comfortable on the stage, but walking to the back of the club and greeting the audience is awful, even frightening!!
I feel the same way as a guitarist. I feel most comfortable while performing on stage but I don't like it when people come up to me and try to talk to me after I'm finished paying.
This is literally everything I’ve been feeling. I’ve always just thought like I needed some alone time for myself but what it really was was recovering my mask. I feel like I understand myself so much more. And the coddling thing, I relate to that so much. I hate it when people ask if I’m okay because I’m doing just fine. And there are just some problems where only I can calm myself down where as having people there doesn’t help. Literally thank you so much for this video
It's so hard to put into words sometimes, even for myself.
You have surprising amount of coherence in your speech. I don't drink because i dislike the taste and the effect it has, but by looking and listening to you i can see how it would be to be drunk. Exactly how i thought it would be. Nice video.
First hand experience on the spectrum here. I think of myself as developed onset and born with the skillset. Deeper truth for me is that Schizoid is on my spectrum. Current therapist dx cptsd, she shakes her head says, "Don't see it." Schizoid Dx made by therapist I saw every week for 8 years. I have a wide range and a default set to schiz. Keep the videos coming. Appreciating this, thank you!
I wanted to thank you for this video as it has helped me a lot!
Thank you for sharing your SPD videos. My 20-year-old son has been diagnosed with SPD. I think it may overlap with high functioning autism, at least a bit for him. The videos help me better understand what he may be feeling. He's such a good kid, I just want to help him reach his potential and be happy 😊
Congrats for sharing your spectral experiences. I believe you are referring more towards, as I had read about it, secret schizoid. I can mostly relate to you, hmm... can be good and bad at the same time. Great for your courage to be on you tube.
Schizoid is like... if your little brother gets run over, and you have to fake crying in order to try and save face.
If that's the case than I'm either schizoid or psychopath because I didn't feel a thing when horrible things happened to family members
I believe what you described is an extreme.
Oh my god, for over a year my therapist has led me to believe I was autistic. Likely because he specialized in it. But I'm not at all, I can talk to people and I can see people's emotions in their faces. I just have apathy constantly, I'll joke a lot around people and speak well. Yet I'm empty and only there on the surface. This is deeply comforting. I felt so trapped in my earlier years and still occasionally struggle with it. My early home life definatelty caused me to be this way. But this makes me feel so much better, autism never made sense. Thankyou for these videos.
Thank you for sharing! I felt the same way and I never really felt like it was a real thing, so I figured I would see what the community was thinking about it. It's good you found these!
"Specialist-syndrome", if you claim to suffer from head ache, A dentist wants to inspect your teeth, a, Orthopaedist wants to see you walk, to spot a muscular dysbalance, a Psychotherapist expects emotional suffering causing psychosomatic pain, and a Brain Surgeon would be looking for a brain tumor.
This is an amazing channel to discover. I feel the same kinship I feel when I listen to the song Institutionalized by senses fail.
Everyone wants to help and can't handle the fact that the help I want is to be left alone! Not always... But like most of the time, yea!
I liked this a lot.
I can totally relate. I recently found that I'm schizoid and it explains everything.
This helps.
Thank you.
You and I feel exacly the same
i have the exact simmilarities that you have.
The gladdest thing is i can aprechiate you because i know what i'm going through.
Alienation was always the best thing for me to do and i didn't know why although i wanted it dearly , but i just couldn't
When a family memeber said to me connect with people i felt this anxiety and social presure reighning down on me as if i was cursed or possesed by a demon or something because i was pretty religious at that time.
But now i know i'm not the only person in this world i feel comforted.
I don't want to highlight you wayy up in the sky but i want to thank you
you helped me more then you or i can imagine
There is hope.
My husband was diagnosed with this. We had a terrible marriage for over 20 years. But the good news is he has started to outgrow it and things are wonderful today. So don't give up when you get into your 40s you will see a change for the better!
I'm in my 40s and don't see myself ever becoming anyone's husband. I'm just older and losing hair on my head and growing it on my ears.
Thank you for explaining this. My boyfriend is like this and I struggled understanding him. I thought because he often wants to be alone that he does not love me. Now I understand it is just a part of his personality that he cannot easily change and I can be more understanding.
I am glad I came across your channel. I can relate in many ways.
Just wanted to say a little something about labels, especially the ones that can be very limiting such as "disorder." I do recognize the importance of such labels, for they are very useful in communication. However, a label is not as black and white as a lot of people like to believe.
For example, I personally will use the labels Autism, Asperger's, and SPD. I think their behavioral descriptions that they represent are valid for me to a certain extent, but they are limited and confining. For someone who is trying to understand me, those terms can be useful. But I am not just SPD for example, I am much more than that label can describe.
It can be frustrating dealing with a generally black and white societal view that most people have, fearing anything that is different than the accepted norm, labeling anything that is not understood or outside of the societal box as being wrong or needing to be corrected. However, this is the lay of the land, as unfortunate and difficult as it may be to us personality types that are atypical.
Acceptance and love of who I am, as different as I may be to most, is of the utmost importance to me. This has given me the necessary tools and attitudes I have needed to deal with those who view me as less than, who have labeled me as someone in need of being fixed. I am not broken, I'm just different and I embrace that.
Have a wonderful day my unique friends.
I really liked this comment.
I wonder how many schizoids get misdiagnosed with aspergers syndrome cause the two are so similar. I've been diagnosed with aspergers but unlike a lot of them I know what people are feeling, at least most of the time. I just come across as an a-hole at times cause I'm not on the internet to make friends- if someone likes me, great.. but I also know that in the end it doesn't matter really... there are so many people in this world. I need a lot of alone-time as well, it's very difficult.... if I go see a movie I need like a day to recover.
Autism is hugely overdiagnosed. The criteria is FAR, FAR too wide. People are claiming that autism is frequently misdiagnosed as other disorders when in reality it's the exact opposite at this point.
Lost In Time im pretty sure I legit have both
omg I am so glad I have found this comment, I've been diagnosed with aspergers but I really feel it is wrong and now that I've found Schizoid and I am finding information and hearing other peoples experiences I truly think I have been misdiagnosed. I too can understand what people are feeling unlike most autistic people. I've been telling my therapist for months that I don't think the label they have given me is right. I don't relate to those with autism. I relate to those with Schizoid from what I have read and I feel it makes much more sense.
Ive been watching a few of your videos and I feel like I can totally relate. Ive never been diagnosed with SPD, but all of these online tests say yep. you are for sure. but I totally have a similar background and as a child I could create pretty much entirely new worlds, and this is still pretty prevalent within myself where I have to be careful of my fantasy life and getting to understand what my fantasy life is telling me about how I want to live out my own life. People always felt like I was really chill, and for a long time I thought I was too. But eventually I just realized that I was very sensitive but I didnt have the ability to recognize when I was reacting to certain stressful situations or experiences because of this incredibly independent nurturing mechanism that had to do with my fantasies. I didnt agree with humanity or a lot of societies views and was also very bored by human interaction a lot of the time. What the media was presenting and how it affected people was abnormal to me also.
Though there is something that I feel the need to throw out there because of my specific background. haha. When people get too attached to their personality disorders, I feel like it chains them to it and makes them feel like its something that doesnt allow them to fully come into their being. I am a very artistic person, who Ive come to learn, after years of thinking I was bland and spock-like, am actually pretty darn sensitive and I have a lot of dreams and desires that I just never gave myself credit for and didnt tap into until later in my life.
Im 26 and didnt really learn to cry until like last year. But I also am way into spirituality. And my desire for more was actually a sense of rebellion against societies standard because it didnt mean that much to me. After exploring theology, starting to act on my own inner rebellion by going to art school, and tapping into my own spirituality, ive become a minimalist and have an innate desire to travel. Cognitive dissonance may tell me otherwise and say that I shouldnt create these desires. But with certain personality disorders, I think its great to understand how youve developed as a child, but I dare to question that perhaps its really something deep within (in my experience) that just desires to be tapped into and be discovered beyond everything that modern society would have us think. After getting out of my normal social background, going to art school, and traveling, Ive learned that there are a lot more people who experience the world with many different perceptions and its actually pretty normal. To box in someone with a PD seems incredibly suffocating. After watching Girl Interrupted when I was 17, I realized that a lot of PD's are just extreme versions of people, and society is kind of F'd up for thinking that labeling anyone as abnormal would make them an outcast. Not saying anything definite, but just thought id leave this here for questioning.
Thank you for writing! You're right that it's suffocating. But it's nothing more than a label. Just like cat, or dog, it's just a label to help you identify what exactly it is you're talking about. How people handle the label is a little intense sometimes.
I remember when I used to go out by the playground. And hide between the walls during recess. But then I was able to switch on a dime whether if I wanted to hang out with people. Vice versa. But then continuing to hate interacting with people. Lots of apathy.
I've never been professionally diagnosed but the various descriptions of secret schizoid fit me to a T. Also covert narcissist. (I know the association between covert narcissism and secret schizoidism is very controversial in the schizoid community.)
But what you say about professionals, despite all their education, not really knowing what schizoidism really is, the way an actual schizoid does, is spot on. When we see that we're schizoid, it's not spurious or poorly thought out. The many tell-tale signs, the non-obvious ones are there, and we see them, and experience them.
There is no controversy in my eyes. NPD and SPD are the same at the fundamental level. It's all about a dysfunctional self hiding behind a mask. It's just that narcissists are raging aggressors and we withdraw. That's it :)
I agree with what you say. It's been a long journey of trying to unravel and understand who I really am, all social acceptable behaviours aside. So many labels. Introvert, avoidant, schizoid, etc. Haha.
I sometimes feel, we are closest to the essence of who we actually are, and giving ourselves the space and time to sit with that...we prioritize being with our selves moreso than putting on a show and playing social games.
Most people have normalized heavy extroversion..but it doesn't sit well with me.
I could go down a rabbit hole and ramble more..but that's my point.
Thanks for this vids.
a party or work where theres customer service is HELL. THANK YOU! I dont feel alone. what if you and I are just introverts. nothing wrong with us just introverts
I think part of the problem, is that whatever we involve ourselves in while being alone is difficult to communicate to the people you interact with on a daily basis, and some people either have no interest or no time to engage with you on the level that would be required to be worth spending time with them as opposed to the time you spend alone, which more often than not, is much more constructive.
just leaving another comment
now that i know what the diagnosis is i can have peace with that because even in my loniest times i had this feling of pull in order to force myself into connecting with others and that is like a deathtrap emotionally and psychologically.
But now that i know i can atlest be fine.
It is truly legit to tell people that you are not comfortable at some moments but to me it's all the time but sometimes i want to connect untill they squasch at me when they come up with the suggestion to go out more.
I have a new hobby that works so fine for me , i'm a mushroomhunter and i'm so happy when i connect with other mushroomhunters.
Just me and nature around me untill someone comes by and says hi or silently droppes along.Then my day is ruined for 30 % but i'm so happy when i get home and cook em up.
And when people come in and skype me or discord me with different stories of their lives i just can't connect i'm even angry at that moment for no reason,ending up feeling guilt.
So in the future i do this planning ahead i just make sure my skype isn't up or any social network like FB or Discord in order just to avoid getting angry or hurt people unwillingly because i can show rage when i get disturbed.
But most of the time i can manage to control myself unless they push me in order for me to pick up the phone or app or whatever you want to call it by spamming me with incomming calls ...even the doorbel can annoy me.
Sometimes i sigh when do people understand on what i'm going through ? they will blame themself or me most of the time.
It's a living hell from my p.o.v. failing to connect without any reason
but i will learn to deal with it because this is who i am (in the carnl sense) but in heaven i will be the man i always wanted to be.
I've never met someone that I would relate so much, before. It is almost like looking in a mirror. I always knew there was something wrong with me and I've never exactly known what it is. I was affraid that I might be a sociopath even though I feel some sort of emotions and don't want to harm others. My childhood was really similiar, I was somewhat extroverted until 5 years and then I slowly started to avoid people. There was also a lot of stress because of my parent's brutal argues and I had to cope with it with shutting emotions down. In the last two years I started questioning myself. I realized I don't even know what is the mask and what is the real me. Because the real me was just an observant. Bland creature without real hobbies and with just a few friends left. I can't maintain friendships anymore. I'm having a great time with them in school but after I get home I just don't want to see them ever again. You won't see me on any social events or even in the grocery shop. Just lying in bed, doing nothing because nothing interests me for too long. Even people. I gave up on making internet friends. I usually start ghosting them in less than a week.
So I wanted to thank you for this video. Now I finally know, who I really am. It is no totally positive realization, but it's better than feeling like I do belong nowhere. Thank you.
Hmmm, I feel interested in people, but it's just different from how other people feel. It's more "dull" or subdued. Like, I don't find things funny as much as amusing or absurd.
Bike Montreal Exactly the same here ;I love my friends and family but i cant remeber theire birthdates or what food they like because my brain somehow sorts this stuff out for being not important.I also come often in situations were people i care about are fighting or having another problem i cant fix,but instead being frustrated i must prevend myself from laugh out loud because the situation is so silly or stereotyp.
Wow great video! Very interesting! Have you ever taken the mbti test? I wonder if your an INTP or the enneagram? A type 5 maybe? I mean I've only watched this video but if you haven't checked it out you may be interested in mbti which is a personslity test and the enneagram test which is kind of similar but rather than saying we what we are like.... it tries to figure out what our deepest fear is.... which causes certain behaviors.... also astrology I love astrology and it sounds like earthy vibes mixed with water vibes. Thank you for your openess it was very informative and I enjoyed hearing what you had to say 🍀
I’m 15 years old and the only place I feel totally understood is these kinda videos. I watch a lot of schizoid videos nowadays cuz it felts better but on the other hand maybe it’s making me stay depressed too, I can’t really decide. The only thing I can say is I can’t stop watching these and I already diagnosed myself as schizoid and also some symptoms of schizotypal. I think I have them both, also avoidant personality. I don’t know which one caused the other or if they’re all connected. I go to therapy but I don’t share my real and the important thoughts, instead we -or I should probably say she- talk about social anxiety and depression but I know it’s not the big picture, just the figures of the whole. And I know probably, I must be at least 20 y.o or smth to get diagnosed as any kind of personality disorder although I already have solved myself. It only makes me feel worse to even be fake to my therapist many ppl are probably sharing all their inner things etc. but I don’t wanna or more likely CAN’T open up myself
One of the reasons why I don't work is (no surprise) people. But sometimes I feel that it would be possible (if I could work alone most of the time). What I often felt was I could never possibly deal with work AND a love relationship, for example. As you mention it, when you see people all day (even if they are few), I feel like my quota is full, more than full and I NEED to be alone. And every time I tried to explain that to someone, they just would NEVER understand it.
A while back I read something about SPD but forgot it quite quickly but recently I've been progressively getting more "concerned" because I can 100% see myself in these symptoms and experiences etc.
Well, I've always been this way. In Kindergarten, I was "held back" for not having any friends. Throughout my schooling, my teachers always pressured me into trying to "make friends" and gave advice, but it never worked. When I went to college (after the seven-year hiatus of never leaving the house), my adviser wouldn't let me take online courses when on-campus courses were available, because being around people would be "good for me" (though, my experience was the exact opposite; I became suicidal throughout college, though I did get temporary relief during breaks). After I quit college, I just withdrew and stay in my room pretty much all the time. It used to worry me what will happen when my mother dies (my father already has), but I've come to the realization that without my parents to take care of me, I'll just starve to death and I'm fine with it.
I suppose some people develop this later, but your recollection of seeking friends in childhood really doesn't describe me. The only reason I tried to "make friends" was to satisfy my teachers, not because I wanted to, but I was just ignored anyway, so no big deal. I've never had a romantic partner either, which also, no big deal (it might be nice to know what sex feels like, but having to meet a partner's family and friends would be extremely uncomfortable, but I'm 44 years old and have never had sex (or experienced love), so I imagine I can make it through the rest of my life without it).
It sounds very similar to me. Could anyone make subtitles? I would be very thankful (English isn't my native language so sometimes it's kind of hard to use auto-generated subs)!
Michael.
My brother visited this past weekend and through talking with him he divulged his partial medical diagnosis of SPD (partial being some doctors said PTSD others SPD but likely both now... Thanks military 😂). Through talking with him I can definitely see it in him to a deeper spectrum than what I also believe I have as well. For years I'd keep myself isolated, but at a point I chose to try to push my social interactions more and it seems I've been able to shelf that portion of my possible SPD. The biggest thing I'm finding these days is the overall indifference. I'd call myself emotionally flat. I love me some Star Wars and MCU movies as well as video games. But I basically feign actual excitement for them. Seeing others act so emotional over things gets my internal scoff going.
Lastly, as this is basically a Ramblin response. I see some SPD in my dad as well, so I'm pretty sure it's a genetic thing, just all depends on how much was passed along and how we've been able to deal with it, mask it, fight it, shape it with life experiences. My Navy time was easy. My brothers Marine, then later Army time with combat and associated experiences pushed his to be worse, IMO.
good point about being drunk, about it merely showing who you really are
All though we don't have fundamental emotions, we do get reactions and impulses, such as laughter and light anger. I have noticed another thing though. Goosebumps. I tend to think that people on the schizo spectrum experience more goosebumps than non schizos. I've always felt them from a young age, when listening to a popular song or watching an intense movie scene. I didn't tell many people about it because I felt that they couldn't relate. anyone else have this same experience with goosebumps?
I am convinced I have a friend with SPD, should I tell her I know it? Maybe she doent even know and it helps me saying that. But Im afraid that she might react really bad because she, as pple with spd, hates judging or being judged. Any advice would be highly appreciated!!😊
How do you handle with things such as jobs or school? I was at a recent job for 4 years, that was highly social with many people every day. It helped me to learn to develop a convincing mask, but after reaching a point I have finally quit. Now being jobless, I feel myself declining into complete isolation with no regard to my future and care for nothing more then my current desire for isolation. I'm starting to neglect essential things and even with that acknowledgment of concern, I don't seem to care about anything but being alone. I fear that I can only have one or the other.
Well I think that there are a lot of ways to handle these things. Everyone is different, so you just have to adjust to what works best for you. You sound like you go with the situation, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but when there's nothing leading you, or guiding you, you feel lost. Or maybe even comfortable with where your at. There's nothing wrong with that.
It's crazy how much i can relate to this.
I have the opposite view. I was born with this way . I accept that now. In that acceptance I find peace.
The point about being drunk and coming across as normal is startlingly relatable. There have even been times when I woke up hungover, and someone mentioned something I had said to them via video chat the previous night, and I admitted I had no memory of the conversation, and they were surprised because they didn't even know I had been drinking.
I disagree about "drunkenness brings out the real you", though. Sure, it disinhibits you. But it doesn't disinhibit some deep, persistent part of your personality. It just disinhibits whatever you're feeling in the moment. For example, getting in a drunken fight doesn't mean you're a violent person "deep down". It just means that you temporarily got angry at someone, and that your usual rational self wasn't present to realize that a fight would be unproductive and then talk your impulsive self down.
I'm recently diagnosed schizotypal, and really prefer to be alone most of the time. One time I went 3 months without even seeing one person. no, isolation does have its detriments. I have found that it is not good to go too long without human contact. at least in that respect we are all still just like "normal" people.
my mother is an orphan, and you never really gave me the affection and attention that I needed. she is a rather cold and calculating person. One time I came home from college and she was tossing around her small dog which was her pet. just because he wouldn't obey her commands. which looked like most of my childhood. I mean she was nice sometimes, but if you ever questioned her she would rain upon you like Satan on a Christmas party.
I'm not sure I am okay with my diagnosis as schizotypal. For a time I thought I was schizoid, but on the field of psychology is so wishy washy it is hard to know exactly which category you actually do fit into, assuming those categories are based in any kind of science at all to begin with. and plus, I don't think schizotypal permit themselves to the extent that I have and am currently doing at the moment. I really have no choice I cannot stand being in the presence of people.
permit = hermit
You should make a video on schizoids under the influence of alchohol/weed/drugs. Or at least in your experience
That's a good topic. I personally have never done anything too hard, but I do drink from time to time. Might make a good video.
The mask was a good way to put it. I like your videos a lot. I always feel like there's something to say but rarely people are ready to hear it. Or want to hear it. Whatever. It's the same thing.
sorry for my bad English - it's not my first language. yes, we really need more personal space than most people. and it''s okay, for example i am not going to the party for a long time, but it does not make me frustrated. sometimes i think - it is not right. but it's okay. i have my minimum social activity with out that... it''s just my opinion. maybe i lie to myself. maybe i want more but it's scares me. i want it but the truth of the matter is that it's hard for me and i feel discomfort. every time. it's like a pie with shit. I want a pie but i don't want a shit. and that inner conflict make me angry. maybe you can give me an advise about this problem? i am appreciate it.
This sounds so similar to the autistic experience. I haven't been clinically diagnosed with either, but I also feel like I carry a "mask" with me. That makes social interaction very draining.
We need to consider that not everyone has the same level of social motivation or receives the same benefits from social interaction. Still, everywhere I go to find out about what helps asocial people feel a sense of belonging or they ways they sustain themselves is littered with language of deficit, fixing, abnormality and how to teach them to be 'normal'. If anyone has good signposting to books, research etc. that covers this side of life with more positive and productive insights I'd be really grateful.
Would you recommend people with SPD to avoid the military, or join it?
I think it completely depends on the person. For some it could make things so much worse mentally depending on how intense the branch they choose. Others might thrive with the direction because they don't have to think, they're constantly told what to do and how to do it.
I agree with him; it depends on the person. I served 6 years in the military and I have no regrets. While I identify with this disorder, I had no problems functioning in that environment. Like Stuff said, we're told what to do and more than likely only one way to accomplish said task (I was an aircraft avionics technician). My job gave me time to be alone and troubleshoot or diagnose electrical problems (perfect). However, the military has "shifted", for lack of better terms, in a way where individual accomplishments make you progress; it was in this ladder that makes people like us thrive without depending on others. Now, you may think this goes against the "one team, one fight" or "brotherhood" that the armed forces are all about, but whatever task or duty you are given we can rationalize as inevitably logical and efficient to work with others. Majority of the time, I had no need for a "mask" because everyone you're with, introvert or extrovert (to encapsulate all types of people), are focused on military duty. In other words, yeah sure we're working together, but we're really looking out for ourselves to then later assemble the pieces, finish the goal, and go our separate ways.
Now, keep in mind that this is only my point of view; moreover, while we may identify as SPD we still have our unique way to process the incoming traffic we call life. The military has a special way (I still can't fathom how it just happens) of making everyone "feel" the same (uniformity). In our lingo: when shit hits the fan, all differences are NON-EXISTENT. Therefore, the military is more than likely an easier place for people like us. The real challenge is when we make the ultimate decision to enter back to the civilian world or in other words, reality.
That's my rant! (and no that exclamation point does not have emotion).
-Edgar
P.S. If you do join the military, don't make the mistake I did of excessively drinking to be able to tolerate social gatherings (this part is hard).
I have a combination of Schizoid and Avoidant. Don't even feel much of anything from most people but also fear ridicule and tend to staunchly avoid people. I don't feel the emotion of love at all, even for my own parent. I see people in these comments with SPD that seem to at the very least have a girlfriend/boyfriend, but I can't even connect on the most basic level with romanticism, love and romanticism makes me sick. It's a very odd life. A vision of my future that always comes to me is I see myself in a dark room 40 years from now dying alone with nobody around. Fun times.
I feel iike i have a C.V. where in black its written what i did at work and the white part in between these lines is as empty as my life.
It is who you are but I didn't develop it till mid teens but that is just how the disorder develops.
Well in my case i was experiencing radical feelings of alienation before age 10.. existential alienation by age 7 for sure.. my siblings seemed to handle similar situations fine.. I'd say it's a combo.. the adaptations cluster around the nature.. but can be more extreme or less.. and probably people who are not 'cluster a' spectrum may even use resort to these adaptations under extreme stress.. but are much less likely to get stuck in them..
It subjectively feels like I was born with it but I cannot deny that having a borderline father is literally what you'd expect for an adult schizoid.
Quite a few people say it's something you're born with, but that sounds more like a pervasive developmental disorder than a personality disorder to me. That might be due to the SPD criteria lacking specificity though, seeing as how differentiating SPD from broader autistic phenotype (subclinical autism) is an issue that comes up every now and then in the psych literature.
In any case, your experiences really resonate with me. I had loads of friends in childhood and my early teens (despite showing a few mild SPD traits as a kid), but as I went through puberty and got into early adulthood, having friends and social connections seemed more and more unnecessary. I'm the same age as you, and I don't even bother maintaining any of my old connections. I even ignore messages from my own family now, since I don't really care about them. My father's the same, although I didn't get his narcisstic PD, thankfully!
+TheSinndogg It's always interesting to see others having similar situations. I'm pretty much the same with my old connections
+TheSinndogg It's always interesting to see others having similar situations. I'm pretty much the same with my old connections.
+TheSinndogg It's always interesting to see others having similar situations. I'm pretty much the same with my old connections.
+TheSinndogg It's always interesting to see others having similar situations. I'm pretty much the same with my old connections.
+TheSinndogg It's always interesting to see others having similar situations. I'm pretty much the same with my old connections.
I can totally uderstand your need for being alone.I'm full blown shizofrenic. For me it's like having all those things which make you want to be alone in my head. I can't run from them, hide anywhere. Everyone has his own devils I guess.
I honestly wonder if societies treatment of me is causing me to become Schizoid because I relate to the slow creep that you describe. it feels like i'm being tortured by the rest of society, that's all it offers me is just torture. It feels like the only way to win the game is to not play at all at this point.
There is a thing called secret or covert SPD. Where you are able to interact with people like a normal person. Are very hard to spot and can fool professionals.
As far as being born with it or not. There is a genetic component that shares some genes with schizofrenia. But there is definitely a social component as well. Usually mental trauma, parents not being there or the like.
I can "socialize" when I have to. I learned a lot from watching people reading books, watching TV and movies. I learned how to more or less function in society. Most of the time I get it right, but there have been times when I totally F'd up by giving the wrong reaction to a situation.
The second person who thinks is schizoid I've seen this week that thinks it's related to emotional neglect issues at childhood. Am i the only schizoid that had a normal childhood and loving parents but can't feel anything for them and etc.?
I went to a psychiatrist once and he actually told me that SzPD was a very good possibility of what I was dealing with. I didn't follow up with treatment because at the time I didn't agree with him. Listening to these videos I sm starting to agree with him the more that I listen. I went through molestation and abuse as a kid also. I have also been homeless for long periods of time. And I have seen how people can be towards the homeless. There are some things that I have heard that I disagree with though like for example schizoids have absolutely no interest or want to have sex its just that they or we don't want long term relationships or too much closeness. And that we dont want friends Im just more particular I dont hang out with anybody my age they are all older, at times I cant stand to be alone or at least I think I cant and then when Im around people I feel something inside me wanting to get away from them like I could just go anywhere just to get away from them, And that there is more of a risk of violence I will go out if my way to avoid confrontation but if it comes to find me I hold nothing back Im straight the fuck up in your grill with no emotion at all.
You have described me exactly
I have an ex that I always saw as "broken", mostly because he didn´t care much about anything and because his parents were assholes. He went to some kind of counselor (excuse my not perfect english) because his mom made him and got "diagnosed" with depression and anxiety.
He didn´t really talk much about it, or anything else either. We were together for almost five years but never moved in together because he would never get stuff done, just think about them and then not finding any joy in doing them. He also got bored easily.
I have no idea if he has SPD but you talked in another video about how you can spot "mannerisms" in others with SPD and how you move yourself when you talk, your facial expressions and even the tone of your voice is to much like his that I am scared and fascinated all at once. Is that the type of mannerisms you were talking about?
I don´t want to offend anyone I just felt like a huge penny dropped and a light bulb went on and I had to ask.
Another thing my ex use to do was try different mean stuff just to get a reaction, which I now that i think back on it might have been ways for him to see if he would feel anything in response to my (often bad or upset) reaction. I don´t know if that has ANYTHING to do with SPD (undiagnosed) or if it was just a learned behavior from his asshole-dad - that once invited me for a barbecue only to "forget" that I didnt eat meat so I literally got one orange, a few sprouts and one half of a piece of bread to eat all evening and all the dad did was laugh when I got angry. I think the dad was a psychopath, he felt no remorse at all. Anyways... sorry for the life story.
I'm wondering the same thing. I believe I have strong schizoid traits
I agree with you. I also feel like the disorder starts off as something very small, but grows worse when you get older and experience certain things. When I was 4 years old, I'd rather played video games than interact with a whole bunch of people for long periods of time. That grew worse when I got older. Right now, it's like 95% "doing stuff alone" and 5% interaction. I can't handle much beyond that. I'm completely dysfunctional.
try to have at least some minimum social communication. I'm a secret schizoid. I talk to a lot of people at my college. I seem extroverted and interactive on the outside, but I get nothing from it on the inside. as awkward as it is, try talking to girls or someone if the opposite sex. get their social media/ contact info, it makes me feel better, even though you don't care about 80% of the shit you talk about anyways, but it makes you at least appear as someone. that's what I've learned.
My SD story is unique.. as a teenager I was really happy and outgoing. I loved life, music, friendship and girls.. then when I was 23 years old I stopped feeling emotion... all of a sudden I felt no sadness, no happiness, no anger, and no love.... I started to feel trapped in my own body and was unable to express feelings.
I went to a psychiatrist and they treated me for every mental illness there is. but the medicines had no effect on me. I still could not feel any emotions... at first I would try to hang out with friends but no longer felt any feelings toward them.
Then I ended up staying locked in my house by myself for a whole year. I dislike my circumstances but hanging out with friends and being social doesn't help me at all. I just feel blank. I feel like a zombie. it's like nothing in life matters anymore.
I don't feel sad or empty, but life for me is pointless. nothing is enjoyable or worthwhile to me.
+MISTER Right hmmm are you sure that's it's a schizophrenic spectrum disorder? spd and stpd are disorders that show signs of beginning from early adolescence. if you were perfectly normal until 23, then your schizo is kicking in really late meaning somehow you were tolerant to it earlier in life
+MISTER Right was there anything traumatic that happened to you prior to your descent? heartbreak, loss of a family member, loss of job? usually it takes a special force or reason for people to become schizoid. and it happens gradually, not at once.
+stunner gunz yes something happened but I don't feel comfortable saying what happened, but I've been this way for 7 years now, almost 8 and I still feel no sadness, no happiness, no love and no hate... life is just bland. I listen to music and feel no feelings, I've dated a beautiful woman and felt no excitement or desire. I watch movies and feel nothing..
when bad things happen I feel nothing. when wonderful things happen I feel nothing.
I absolutely love being on my own i don't miss people
how do you get that filter on on your youtube videos
I don't remember, it was just a filter that was on my phone at the time. Don't remember the name.
Would you describe yourself as a covert schizoid ? Some people with spd will go on to marry have kids and be high functioning socially but deep down they will not get much from all that as they will still feel disconnected from everything. I myself dont mind a small amount of social interaction like 20% of the time but like you said i still need a lot of alone time to recover and feel like myself again like i feel like i lose myself if im around people for too long. Thanks for the vid.
I am definitely "high functioning" (I hate that term), but unless I said anything, no one would know I didn't like them. I have a job, and a girlfriend. But there's just nothing in it for me. Most of it is just to fit in.
+Stuff and Stuff I do things to fit in, and I'd rather be alone 95% of the time. Do you feel these things all the time? I love my daughter but dislike most people, most of the time. If not for her, I wouldn't give two shits. Do you think there are exceptions? Or none at all? I'm at least bipolar and quite possibly on the schizoid spectrum.
Kay Thompson Well, with everything, everyone is different. The way you feel may not be the same for other people so I can't say that there ARE exceptions. Because for some, there may not be. I know for me, there are a VERY small, select few that are an exception (my girlfriend and my mom and dad). It's a good thing you recognize it though, I think it helps to understand it a bit.
That is crazy you talk about a mask. I've written several songs about this concept for my own sanity but had no idea it was possibly part of a personality disorder. I really relate to what you are talking about but how do you know you don't have Avoidance personality disorder vs Schizoid?
I don't. At least I don't know where I would fall on the "grid" of disorders lol. I just know how I feel, and that's what I generally go by. I just know that Schizoid was strongly suggested by the last Psychologist I was seeing.
lol. I see. I appreciate you being open and talking about this stuff. It's helpful.
I feel like 90% of people with SPD I've seen talk about it on the internet is, or has been, in a relationship.
Guess it wasn't the reason I never did.
Went out to a party once. Drank a lot of beer, wondered the entire time, "What the hell am I doing here,"
We are 2 😅 I've found my twin , thought was the only weirdo , a sort of Alien coming out of nowhere ! 😅I don't like people, I don't like socializing ! I live on my mind ! Beyond all I hate going out it's like HELL to me bruh gives me nausea, panick attacks litterally 🤢 ! I spend 90% of my time ALONE in my house, I create my own bubble. To make it simple, I live in a huge bubble
I don't think you have add at all. I have some of the same symptoms as you and I'm extremely sure I have some adh schizophrenic type disorder because my mother WAS diagnosed with schizophrenia. I feel if you had ADD you would not know what to say next. do you have a close blood relative that had schizophrenia or some similar disorder?
"on the inside"
💯
Are you trying to feel while listening to him?
Only you can feel is relate to them
I mean him
I suspect myself to have SPD. I'm unsure of course, but the symptoms match.
Most mental problems have a spectrum.
From autism to ADHD to personality disorders and so on.
This idea that you must fit an absolute rigid definition of these things in order to have them is ludicrous.
And some people how more than one of these conditions at the same time which further complicates the matter
I am a twenty-one years old German chick having a lot of isolation phases in my current life and I can totally relate to the things said in thew video :/
But it really runs in the family...my parents were no different.
Ein deutsches Hühnchen?
@@ghenulo ,,Chick" is a slang word for girl...never watched Beavis and Butthead?
I have mix of schizoid and schizotypal.
he you stuff and stuff.. your really lucky to be able to like your girlfriend... my SD is so severe that I can't like women. I can't feel any emotion at all. I don't enjoy being around anyone, and I don't enjoy doing anything.... sure I can put on a mask too, but going to parties and dating while putting on a mask seems like it makes my life worse.
I don't like being this way, but no matter what I do, I feel nothing. it seems pointless for me to leave the house.
also, nothing feels good or comforting to me. I just feel trapped. you are very lucky.
I know that's got to be hard sometimes. Some things I can definitely understand, like not wanting to leave the house, or the mask making things worse. I definitely look up to people like you because just having it at the level that I do, it's hard. Being in your shoes, I don't think I would've made it very far. You're a much stronger person than I am.
+Stuff and Stuff I appreciate you too and your first video on SPD kept me going. when I saw that video I thought: wow, someone knows what I deal with everyday.... most people who don't have SPD just can't understand because they feel that all humans have to feel emotions.
keep on pumpin out those videos...
Would you say that you keep your mask when you are alone with your girlfriend? I can't imagine being with someone and not being able to show them your true self... that said I've never really had any kind of relationship
For me, my mask is always on.
It definitely stays on. It's half the reason I don't post more often.
It's a weird thing for me because I never really identified with the whole mask thing, but everything else sounds just like me... I guess that boils down to the whole overt/covert aspect of it. I think I've actually improved a lot recently though...
That's good! Improvement is always a plus.
You digress like I do, and it's great.
Great video too.
+Nathan H. Thank you, it's definitely something I have to work on.
What do you work? Are you around people at your job? How do you handle it?
I work in the technical field. A lot of networking and cyber security type stuff.
+Stuff and Stuff its good that you made it through college and have a good technical job. for me being in college rn, with this disorder its hard to process the information and store it properly when you're so absorbed by yourself. while I take a test, its like my mind is literally empty, not thinking about or trying to recapture the information on which i studied about. this caused me to fail so many exams. maybe its just me or it's a bulletpoint in people with SPD.
I too am in the military
Completely off topic but white and black? How touching dude.
Yeah, I thought it fit the theme of the channel. The whole "no color" thing.
Do not use mask, embrace strenght and be authentic yourself. If people do not accept then it is their loss
👌
Do you guys feel physical pain?
Of course, we're still human lol. There may be some connection to physical pain thresholds but yes we're still human, we still feel physical pain. This disorder is primarily mental numbness.
@@StuffandStuff thx for the info.
Are you an INTP?
I've never taken those tests I honestly have no idea. I can't say I remember what the letters stand for to be honest.
Жизненно, бро. Привет от шизоида из России.