"My boyfriend doesn't like Lolita / EGL" and why that's NOT your problem⋆˙⟡♡₊˚⊹.
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2024
- ⋆˙⟡♡₊˚⊹. .⊹˚₊♡⟡˙⋆
[TW: mentions of physical and psychological abuse]
Today I'm putting into words some thoughts that I've had in the past weeks. I talked to my partner about this as well as read through blogposts and watched every single (I think) video on this topic, as I want to know why Lolitas make so many videos on "My BF is trash what do I do?". If you're wondering about the thumbnail, watch the video, or read on: I'm convinced a person that is confident in themselves will not let themselves be treated in a way of mockery, disgust, hatred, or anything else. As soon as a person is displaying hostility to you and you have the means to leave them behind, DO SO. You'll drop dead at some point and it's no use trying to please people- this is a fashion hobby, something that doesn't need to be defended. If you feel like explaining yourself for a thing you do that's not harming you or anyone else that's not a war you need to wage. Save your energy for something productive, for people you love, for people needing help- not people spitting on your soul.
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[Outfit]
Jsk: "Milky Berry" by Angelic Pretty
Blouse: Taobao
Wristcuffs: handmade by me
Bracelets: handmade by me
Rings: the black bow is by Cat Tea Party, the flower strawberry is by etsy, the red bow is by Taobao, the strawberry is handmade
Headwear: handmade by me, including a former waistbow, the three flower strawberries are by etsy, the rest is by Taobao
Necklace: the red bow is by Cat Tea Party, the spoon one is handmade by another Lolita
Socks: Taobao
Petticoat: Aurora & Ariel
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I find it so interesting that someone’s partner not liking Lolita and actively putting them down for it has much more to do with the relationship itself. I find when people bring this up as a concern the examples they give usually show how unsupportive the partner is in general of the person and their hobby.
And absolutely the patriarchy. As someone who has both been the main source of income as well as being a stay at home partner it’s been very interesting experiencing the stigma of people judge my choices regardless of which gender they belong to, internalized misogyny is a real thing. And sadly the way society is many women get caught in the patriarchy and judge me for my personal choice to be a ‘homemaker’. It’s so true what you say about the commodification of women as a whole. At the end of the day, if people would focus on respecting others life styles rather than judging or wanting to control others we’d probably all be much happier people.
Hostility towards a hobby is showing much more than "just" no support, and the whole relationship has obviously more problems than "just" a hobby problem. Yet I find most Lolitas don't see or want to see that disrespect goes beyond a frilly hobby.
I honestly do not have internalized misogyny. I have been there and know what it is. When I was a teenager and young adult I'd go from slut shaming to pick me to whatnot, and I am sad I had to go through that but glad it's gone now.
I can see why you would think me shitting on women staying at home is misogyny, but I want to elaborate. Maybe it still is, in your eyes, after that?
Women actively choosing to put their brains on standby and only think of their husbands, children and their household is so, so sad. Honestly I'm weeping for all my sisters out there who did and do not have a choice, but are forced to act such way. I find it creepy to not strive to learn, put yourself into education, talk and argue with people outside of what mommy and homemakers talk about. This is my personal hell and my personal problem.
I think I'll never respect women choosing to support patriarchy if they have a choice, and at least I live in a country where I do. I thought a lot about sex work and how that relates to patriarchy- and came to the conclusion that (besides the human trafficking, the high as fuck rate in PTSD, and rape which all needs to be eradicated) I'll consider sex work real work IF it's guaranteed no woman is forced into this "work".
I see I'm radical in my views and I'm beyond coddling men and their ways to oppress us, and sometimes I wish I could wholeheartily support women who do have kids and stay at home and get pocket money by their husbands. But it's not the case. I cannot support women who act like doormats when they have the chance not to.
(Sorry this got long)
I seen this happened to goth people alot, but not as much as lolita
Oh interesting- I see my anecdotal evidence only gets me so far. Can you elaborate? Is it also the case of "you waste money" and "you look silly"?
When i was in town with my friends and group of boys come harass me and my friends. I love lolitafashion.
I'm sorry this happened and am glad you weren't alone! Sadly this is a common thing if you *insert anything that might not be mainstream to most people* or if you are a woman and simply *breathe*. I hope your future encounters will stay at a minimum if any and that it will help you grow stronger.