The "Seventh" Sense: Seeing Narcissists...Everywhere! Developing a "Narcometer"
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- čas přidán 4. 07. 2024
- I explain the "mechanics" of what I call a "narcometer," which is a metaphor for a person's instinctive, intuitive and reflexive (body feelings) ability to feel when narcissists are in your presence.
As a person heals their Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency), they are able to rely on their ability to reflexively recognize Pathological Narcissists.
"The Sixth Sense," clip is used to demonstrate how some people have the natural inclination to see or recognize certain type of people, that others are blind to. In this video, I discuss the connection between growth and healing through Self-Love Deficiency (Codependency) recovery, and one's immediate and intuitive ability to recognize narcissists.
I explain that the growth and healing that occurs through self-love recovery/codependency recovery, helps a person to BOTH recognize the formerly invisible narcissists, while knowing how to stay away from their dysfunctional grasp.
I use the analogy of the narcissists being a circus performer, who needs their victims to "join the circus" in order to have power over them. In the video I instruct the viewer how to stay outside the circus, while within the company of a narcissist.
ABOUT ROSS
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. Ross’s “Codependency Cure™ Treatment Program provides innovative and results-oriented treatment.
Ross's expert educational and inspirational seminars have earned him international acclaim, including his 21 million CZcams video views and 230K subscribers. In addition to being featured on national TV and radio, his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 138K copies and are in 9 languages. Ross provides expert testimony/witness services. More about Ross and his educational and inspirational work can be found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com
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#observedontabsorb #triangulation #codependency #rossrosenberg #narcissism #narcissists #narcissisticabuse #loneliness #therapy - Zábava
As a trauma therapist specialising in recovery from narcissistic abuse, I often get clients telling me at some point in their recovery that they are suddenly seeing narcissists everywhere in their world. I find this always a moving and profound moment in our work together, and consider it an indication of significantly repaired boundaries, renewed capacity to sit comfortably in their own self experience, a reparation of trust of their own gut instinct and restoration of their capacity to witness the implicit signals from narcissists as malignant and maladaptive - rather than appealing and attractive. For my part, I am a walking narcometer and ruthlessly trusting in my own capacity to identify narcissists in the very initial interpersonal moments - a hard won and vital capacity for any mental health practitioner.
It is absolutely disturbing to see with new eyes the amount of narcissists that surround us in our daily lives. They are our friends, neighbors, colleagues, family, everywhere. Once you begin to lift the veil, you look around and realize you’ve been surrounded by these body snatchers all your life. Then begins the process of removing them from our life. Thank you Ross your work has been instrumental in my healing journey.
and therapists still insist there are only 20% of the population that are narcs. its enough to make you crazy listening to them.
Trump and Capitol Hill to churches to drs attorneys they in the church it’s a rude awakening 🙏🏽🙌💯💣💥💥💯💯🙏🏽
@@tammyfitzgerald5336 Hi and thanks or your comment. Heartbreaking as it is. narcissism is in the Church. It took me decades to work it out, blind to my own co-dependency from very early attachment disorders. Considering that most of us join the Church to find happiness,, few realise we often have to suffert to know the truth. When a Church is weak and lost in Churchianity, it's motivated by image and there's little or no real focus on inner personal change.
Considering that Jesus came to restore souls to wholeness with the truth, my 44 years in the faith taught me to realise how the destructive forces behind narcissistic pathological lifestyles are negatively affecting spiritual growth in the Church, which in turn is having no positive effect on governments.
yes as a SLDD I have attracted them many times
This is so true ! You feel the anxiety when around them and are not attracted but repelled by them. You really dont see the world the same ever again . Thank you for the video.
Oh Heather, you said it right here! I see them and hear one little thing, I am out the door! I dropped 90 percent of my friends . Yes I was a people pleaser , after I read a part of his book ,it started to click. One, by one, I stopped giving and doing! I seen there true colors! I tested the friendship.
It is true, you never see the world the same way after your eyes are opened to this horrible affliction. I don’t even want to be around people like that anymore!
I've lost all of my friends 🤦
@@sevenseconds8652 you are probably better off. You don't need them, I'm trying to make some new friends, but I see narcs every where, I'm afraid I attract them, a people pleaser. I'm working on my self
@@lauracicero-miller3238 Of course I need them, what's the point of life being alone 24/7.... Fact is that I feel so relieved not having those people in my life anymore that I enjoy being alone 😅
I'm not trying to make new friends because I'm still traumatized though.
I wish you all the best, I'm sure everything will be sorted out. ❤
I see narcissist everywhere. I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for saying it isn’t crazy nor a bad thing.
Same, when you call so many people narcs you start to think "am I projecting? Could this mean I'm actually the narc??" then you analyse your own behaviour and theirs and realise that narcs are very very common and becoming even more common.
Our very society rewards narc behaviour be abuse those at the top are narcs
Same here, I’m glad I find this video and you guys.
I just can’t understand how so many people can actually live like that and literally be so fake? 😅🤣🤣 But yeah, you just gotta accept it and realise how lucky you are to not need anything more than your beautiful authentic self and the truth. Just gotta stay strong and keep on moving along your own path. 💪💪
Mee too,we are NOT crazy ot a bad thing..
Lol, I’m currently in this. Glad there are others out there experiencing the Same. God Bless you!
The body knows how toxic they are, feeling uncomfortable, restless, sudden pains like a stomachache are signs that our body is telling us that these people are toxic.
Rapid heart bip, dizziness and nervousness are also signs.
🎉❤❤❤yes almost killed me tummy bleeds from stress
Bingo! I waited too long with one very close to me.. still healing and staying no contact.
OMG!! 😱 I thought I was going bonkers!! I was doing a lot of self-development work, attending therapy and practicing self love when I started to notice that it seemed like narcs are literally everywhere! They are in my family, friends, co-workers, and even clergy! Thank you for letting me know that I'm on my way to complete and total healing!!
Same here EXACTLY..I play a game in my head now,just waiting for one of them to ask me a question or how I am.....they don't and I know why which is so satisfying and freeing 🥰🇦🇺
Same exact thing happened to me. I had to cut off friends, family and can work better now see narcs
@@yvettemoore1082 I feel them and sometimes think they feel that Im around. I get a weird feeling around them. It's awkward.
I really thought it was just me and I was being overly sensitive about seeing Narc everywhere…sigh…glad to see it’s not just me and it’s okay to see them everywhere, (and back away), haha!
yes he should do more and maybe involve some Animal Farm narcissisms with monkeys and pigs. LOL
A horrible narcissist latched onto me and was ruining my life and then I remembered your advice about going no contact and did it. One of the best things I ever did. I have a narc radar now and will not ever tolerate one again.
Same here ! And the narcissist can decide just in couple of seconds if you sens there narcissistic personality. Then you just have to run for the hills, lol!
In zoom meetings I have I found one narcissist..I could not look in her eyes when she was talking at zoom..whath happened? She saw thath and now I am the enemy and she the victim. She have now gadered 5-6 people on her side , and she is the victim. I didn’t do anything, I could just not look at her picture in the meetings , I just tried to look at something els ! Omg they are super alert…..
@@saracarlen4939 Their sld radar goes off just as our narc radar goes off. Try not to react in any way. You owe noone any explanations. If anything is brought up to you, you have no idea what they are talking about. I hope you are not stuck with these people. Once these monkeys realize you don't give a darn they should leave you alone. I love what he is saying here! Watch the circus animals! lol. For me learning how to remain in the group regardless of the narc is my next step. He just said we can't avoid. But we don't have to participate. We'll see, I've already left multiple groups because there's always been "that one narc" that ruined it for me so I sacrificed the whole group participation. I will see. Not sure I'll return to the old groups but will not engage with narc play in new groups. We got this!
Narcometer also called a bullshit barometer.
REONATES💯
I have recently been thinking Im going a bit crazy or being over-judgmental seeing Narcs everywhere! Im REALLY happy to hear that it’s a part of my recovery and that YES they ARE actually EVERYWHERE! This is exactly what I’ve been intuitively doing: observing and responding, but not engaging to a level of getting close. Narcissists can be incredibly entertaining and funny socially, but now I know not to make friends with them!
I feel the same. I was starting to become concerned that I’m overly judgmental, paranoid or critical. This video was a real relief 😅
That sounds like a very balanced reaction. Go ahead and enjoy the fun side. But not too closely, until you can figure out if it is real or fake. I enjoyed the fun side for 40 years. And enabled the rude and nasty treatment just to be able to laugh and go out socially with this awful person. As the treatment got worse and worse, I finally had to face that she meant me no good. I have had to go no contact now for 7 months. But I must get the therapy because I thought I saw her at my current beauty shop. My eyes were big frightened saucers. And that's absolutely no good.
I'm a bit relieved that there are more people out there seeing narcissists everywhere. I have been thinking that I am in some highly toxic place.
Yes, knowing and seeing helps me stay unaffected. 😇
Thank you Dr Rosenberg 😊
It's like having an operation to gain your eyesight after having been blind since birth. The surgery may have been painful and left scars but now you can SEE.
Yesss. I see them everywhere! I thought maybe I'm over thinking it. But, I'm really not. They really are everywhere. I definitely have a Narcometer. I just need to learn how to not get upset by them. That's the last step of my healing from their abuse.
Dr Ramani says some people are immune
Pay attention to your triggers when you get upset. Track that back to your trauma and what you tell yourself about it. It happens really fast so pay attention. It feels true but it’s not 100% true. Examine that negative self talk and really question if maybe you believed something that is not totally true as if it was 100% true. Mine was that I am to damaged to be worthy of being loved. That’s a huge magnet for the narc. But I wouldn’t be that way towards a rescue dog that got beaten too much so why would I believe it about myself because of my abuse and PTSD? I am just a person that went through a lot of pain and trauma, that doesn’t make me unlovable.
@@boxelder9167 thank you 🙏🙏🙏
@@boxelder9167 Thank you.
Yes, even Year's later, my Triggers are still pretty raw and highly sensitive.
They can and still do put me in danger.
@@kathyadair8552 - I am coming up on the anniversary of a shootout I was in and just the smell of the air and temperature is setting my nerves on edge. I was in a gunfight for maybe 6 seconds but the guy fired over 20 rounds at me at close range and I had to go from the disadvantage to ending his life in a few seconds. It was really crazy intense. Then I realized that 6 more rounds weren’t fired at me, 3 rounds hit my son and one hit my 74 year old friend in the mouth. I had bullets flying all around me like crazy and I was only grazed on my hand.
Sometimes the memories feel so real that they feel like they’re actually happening and reality is not there anymore. I have to remind myself that this isn’t happening anymore but my mind is still trying to get ready for next time. I have to tell myself that I can’t be ready for the fight if I am too tired from anticipation and I wear myself out before it happens. I have to trust that I can go from relaxed to 100 if I need to. I have to tell myself that rested is ready.
Those conversations with myself are the difference between being a nervous wreck and being able to slow myself down to just look at each part then put each piece where it is going to be most beneficial to be able to focus and function. All the while life goes by if I’m mentally locked on or locked out. I am going to miss my chance of living if I’m too locked into surviving. That’s a big loss and I already lost a lot. I can’t change what happened but I can do what I can to get back on to the business of living and getting back my joy. That guy has already taken a lot from me and I’m not going to just hand over my joy too. Not if I can stop it.
Yes true, narcissists are everywhere. Most societies see arrogance, selfishness, cruelty and entitlement as self-esteem and power. And see compassion, empathy, love and mutual respect as weakness. """A society whose principles are acquisition, profit, and property produces a social character oriented around having, and once the dominant pattern is established, nobody wants to be an outsider, or indeed an outcast; in order to avoid this risk everybody adapts to the majority, who have in common only their mutual antagonism. Erich Fromm"""
Everybody wants stuff. It's human nature. If you think that communists are immune from narcissism, then you don't know anything about Soviet society. Do you know how callously Soviet men treated women? They used women for sex even though birth control pills were almost impossible to get on a regular basis, then it was the women's responsibility to have an abortion, usually without anaesthesia. It doesn't get more narcissistic than that.
@@edennis8578 you should read about hunter-gatherer societies. Pretty famous for not being materialistic, and for sharing. See article in Psychology Today, “How Hunter-Gatherers Maintained Their Egalitarian always” by Peter Grey. It’s only damaged/traumatized, “civilized” (domesticated, mentally enslaved) people who get addicted to stuff and have a lot of antisocial feelings & behaviors.
@@edennis8578 It's not about Soviet society; it's about human nature, uncontrollable passions and evil desires like power, control, anger, sex, etc. Do you think that contemporary western society is not materialistic and based on power??
@Shiny this blew my mind 🤯
@@macie_key A person who exposed to narsistic abuse for a long time can feel and understand that something is wrong..Their minds and lives are transactional, materialistic, robotic. I would also strongly suggest to watch the videos of Dr. Ramani, Dr. Les Carter and Dr. Sam Vaknin in order to take valid information and cautions to avoid narcissists in your life. I wish I've known about narcissism long time ago..
In 2019 I read your book "The Human Magnet Syndrome" 2nd edition and it was the tipping point for me leaving a 13 yr life with a Narcassist.. I've tried to message you to no avail so I thought I'd say tysm here.. after that book I'm now almost 3 years free and the peace and calmness over my holidays will NEVER be taken for granted 🙏
That’s awesome you left!!!! I did, also.
I was with one for about that time too, until I kicked it to the door with a police escort
@@jackieny9914 wtg Hon...don't look back because We knew all along
Reading this I knew I'm not the CRAZY one, he says I am... I can't remember the last good holiday and my birthday is a holiday. It's been almost a DECADE and I'm STILL struggling.
@@biiakpan8334 and it’s hard to believe BUT they actually get worse …plan your escape ASAP
That’s true! I thought I was crazy for assuming narcissists everywhere. But I just learned to see them. Once you see them you cannot unsee them anymore 🤷♀️
Very true. Once your eyes are opened, they are never closed again!
Very true
It’s mental
Thank you so much for this video. I am seeing them everywhere. I was at a dinner party two months ago and a particular guest walked up to me and introduced himself. He was tall and handsome. He immediately walked to the head of the table and all of a sudden became the " mouth of the table". He came off as charming and confident. I literally froze.....almost like I was dissociating as I felt my narcometer go off. I immediately turned my back to him the whole night as he attempted to work both ends of the table. I realized that this was the type of man that during my SLD days that I would have been attracted to ....his confidence actually being arrogance. As I felt intuitively he was a narc, I said ok.......whatever he is my intuition says stay away. Fast forward, two dinner gatherings later he shows up again and I literally witness him triangulate two women .....one being the date he brought, ignoring her the whole evening as she sat there with obvious animosity .....while he engaged in conversation the whole evening with the other woman who was just his friend. Come to find out later that evening it was discovered he told his date that his female friend desired him but he never wanted her.....which was completely untrue. I jumped out of my chair and thought of what you said Ross , patted myself on the back and said " I knew it"......"thank you narcometer".
It’s so interesting and humbling to observe other narc engagements and victims who are unaware of the web they’re in. We can’t say anything. It’s like a parent having to watch a child learn their lessons in life 🙏
@@melissacole4903 so true..x
Thanks for sharing your experience very insightful xx
Thank you for this video. Yes, I see them everywhere. My radar turned on when I experienced the last malignant narcissist in my life. It broke me apart and open to rebuild my life. It was the hardest thing for me to do at 55 yrs old. Totally changed my life and I'm still a work in progress :)
Same. Every word.
Same here, Every word, except I'm 54 :)
Same here at 61 work in process 👍
Same I'm 61
Same here!
I agree Ross. Once you learn about narcissists, you detect a lot more of them! It’s scary that there are so many around.
Valley of the shadow
"Uncanny Valley."
True story: I was going on a job interview a few years back. I didn't even really want the job but I knew I would get it if I applied. I pulled open the heavy glass door into a small lobby with another locked glass door. There was only a small sliding glass window opening into a dispatchers room with about 6 women going about their jobs. But through this tiny window opening I could feel all this negativity blowing like a blast furnace into the lobby area from the moment I walked in the room. So, I checked in with the woman sitting there and observed those in the dispatcher room while I waited. I was getting nauseous and feeling physically ill sitting there when I thought, "OMG ... there's a narcissist here."
Just as predicted, I was offered the job and I really didn't want it especially now that I realized the place was crawling with narcs. But, there was a part of me that wanted to test my theory. Could I really sense narcs in a place I'd never been before and with people I'd never met? So, I took the job always with a sense of this was just a temporary thing, just to see if I was right.
I lasted about 2-1/2 years and boy was I right! This place didn't just have a narc or 2, it was giving birth to new narcs to insulate and protect the queen bee narc (general manager). If you were under her, and you weren't narc enough you would find yourself first a target and if you didn't up the evil after that, on the unemployment line in a humiliating and very dramatic setup sting.
It was actually fun to finally be able to sit back and observe how these narcs functioned while remaining a fly on the wall. To what extent they would go to protect the queen. Who was the queen's real target, since they attacked absolutely everybody. Who was the threat to the queen and why?
I always had my guard up at this place, and everyday I had to work I dreaded going in. They attacked me from the very beginning. Probably more because of my qualifications than anything. But, they were surprised that their attack backfired because I expected it and I had a plan already in place to counteract their scheme. I could just imagine their dismay when a plan that worked 100x before didn't work on me. Haha! It would take another 2 years where they mostly just ignored me enlieu of easier prey before they would target me again in a very elaborate scheme. Also, a scheme I was prepared for. In the meantime, I must have seen at least 150-200 unsuspecting employees get fired for BS reasons. Also, over that 2 years I remained observant and would take every opportunity to anonymously file reports against improper and unprofessional conduct. Basically, I didn't really need or want the job and really didn't give a crap. This was an experiment to see how far I could push it.
In the end, it wasn't me or any of the 150-200 employees that were fired that were the targets in this den of narcs ... it was my boss (2nd in command of the operation). Everyone else was just temporary narcissistic supply. Whereas, my boss had powers over and above that of the general manager narc that was a threat to her authority. My boss was the target.
So long as my boss couldn't retain his employees he spent most of his time recruiting and training. Because he couldn't retain his employees, it made him look like the problem in the eyes of corporate. So long as he spent all of his time recruiting and training he had little time to attend to his other priorities. But, most of all, while he was recruiting and training he had no time to worry about what the general manager was up to.
Narcs in the workplace do not accomplish anything for the corporation. The GM did not increase sales or profits, she cost the company a fortune in lost time and recruiting costs.
More people should this, ruins lives!
Exactly my last corporate experience. The furnace sense you got is their demons. Literally demons !!
@@lukeskywalkerlucasfilm To tell the truth, most people don't have the luxury of taking a job they know they'll be fired from. They also don't want to take a job they know they'll hate.
What I have difficulty understanding is ... why so many tolerated the abuse without as much as a whimper in their own defense. If they did only half as much to them as they did to me I'm shocked that nobody went postal.
What really needs to be done is corporations need to start recognizing how dangerous these people are. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a legitimate psychiatric disorder and is listed as such in the DSM-5 as a Cluster B. Just stop hiring people like this. Unfortunately, corporate America rewards bullying by hiring them as top executives because they have no remorse and have that "killer instinct." They are often good for the bottom line. They are also psychopaths and don't think rules apply to them. But, corporate America needs to start giving psychological testing prior to hiring. In fact, Congress needs to start requiring psychologicals prior to running for public office to avoid debacles like the last guy.
Oh I wish I had your capacity to survive among those demons! Last time it took me just 20 days before I ran for the hills..
Lol
When you've gone through the "training" aka the abuse, and learn their ways, yes, we can see the demons. Much needed in a time like this.
I am so with you, Dr Rosenberg! But it is a lonely world after achieving self love abundance. I cannot even tolerate my narc dad and reactive mum anymore. Only you guys get me!
I know what you mean. I have lost people that I thought would have my back too. But I am looking forward to meeting new people that are not narcs. Life goes On.Good luck and happy new year.😃
Yes it’s a lonely world but a peaceful lonely one now 😀
I get it!
No it’s not just you, I haven’t been able to totally understand why my whole body starts feeling threatened when I’m around certain people and I’m seeing them displaying a behavior that is abusive towards me or other people. What a eye opener.
Having grown up in a family with narcissistic people, will also make you hyper alert for these toxic people. It might take time though, as being raised in that kind of family will in many cases "groom" one and make one tolerate abusive behavior later in life. To know what is actual normal healthy people will be hard, and because ones normality refferences are abusive people (narcissists), hence finding oneself in a relationship with a narcissist is not uncommon at all. It is the norm one know, it is "safe", how absurd it may sound. Same reason why many people that has grown up with parents or a parent that had an addiction, may find themselves in the same situation as their parents. Patterns are repeated.
I had to educate myself what actually a healthy and normal thinking and function human being is. And to see them as the type of people who one should be around and form bonds with.
Now I can spot red flags in people from afar, but it has both taken time and heartbreak to get where I am in myself today.
Same
You said my life, but couldn't put it in words articulate it like you have! I took a picture of it. You sound like me! Thanks for writing it
Totally relate
Same. My life too. Took a pic to re read over and over 💟
Took me six decades, though most of what I learned was through channels like this one; such information was non-existent when I was young. Even worse, I had the unfortunate experience of an evangelical counselor telling me my feelings did not matter. I think that was the most damaging thing, and now realize he was a religious narc. One of the first healing moves I made was giving up religion.
This is so validating; Thank You, Ross. No wonder I am enjoying my alone time more and more. Narcs ARE dead people. I had my nark-o-meter running and didn't realize it was a thing....The Twilight Zone really does exist.
Exactly how I feel.
Thank you for this excellent video! With the help of my therapist, I'm identifying...and untangling myself from...narcissistic "friends". I'm now experiencing exactly what you talked about. Narcs are all over the place, and it's like a buzzer goes off in my head when I have to deal with one.
I find myself holding back from calling them out or pointing them out for fear of appearing crazy. Ever since my "awakening" I can spot them...almost smell them any and everywhere. It's truly amazing.
Since my awakening, I can think back on other phenomenon. For example at the age of 50, I was visiting my best friend, way back from grade school. Her dad was the only parent still living. Suddenly he singled me out for the death stare. I blinked 2-3 times wondering, 'is he looking at me like that'. I was so spooked that for the next 23 years I gave him wide berth. Now here I am 23 years later (73 yrs old) and now I realize my best friend's dad for some reason hated me, maybe all while growing up. WHEW. But thank God for these channels. At least now when I can still feel those death eyes on me I can realize 'dad' probably suffered a narcissistic injury during his upbringing. And maybe he sensed some of that same energy in me. May he RIP.
The term "codependency" never made sense and confused ppl, leaving them unable to recognize that they were codependent with an alcoholic parent, for example. I'm 67 now, and spent my life not recognizing codependency in myself-- until I heard you refer to it as self love deficit disorder. In recent times I have dumped 3 ppl in my life who had become controlling and domineering; a couple of them even told me what I could or could not talk about in their "presence." Ugh. Get lost. It is SO empowering to just kick toxic ppl out of your life, when years ago I would have felt obligated to work things out with them.
Yes. It's a great sign of growth & strength. Life's too short to waste precious time with toxic vampires 💌
Amen! Same here.
Wow. "a couple of them even told me what I could or could not talk about in their "presence." Been there. God help us : )
Thank you so much for making this comment. There is so much victim-blaming behind it, "codependency," that it's not even funny! But definitely untrue of THEM to say. They don't care about me or you. They just want to "win."
Yes!! My kids tell me "mom everyone is a narcissists to you"😀 I say, well I recognize them now! and the ARE everywhere!
I've educated them on it and now I hear them noticing them! I wish I had someone educate ME at their age.
Thank you!! Ithought I was being paranoid. "I see narcissists everywhere".
When pain is all we know, we don’t see toxic people for who they are because we consider it normal to feel hurt, then excited and hopeful then hurt again. I do see them now. Not only narcissists and codependents but also bpds. I used to have a friend who was diagnosed as borderline. He was my mentor and my ally in times of trouble but since I have become stronger and more independent emotionally, I can now see his abuse and how he has hooked me in by his overgiving attitude, in order to secure that I won’t abandon him when he is enraged and psychotic. I walked away and although I do get stressed a few times, I refuse to collaborate with the devil. Thank you Ross. It’s lovely to see you smiling and happy.
Sure hope I can finally get it. Have had many narcissists and the last BPD I believe. I think I’m done for a while.
Once I had a good grasp of the concepts & roles within codependency, I started calling myself the Narcissist Whisperer because I could literally see them everywhere. I was able to notice their problematic behaviour patterns straightaway. Getting educated on the dysfunction & how the roles interact was crucial to my freedom from & then eventual power over them. When forced to interact with narcissists, I now control the conversations & the situations. It truly feels like a super power. Those experiencing this, I highly suggest getting educated. Knowledge truly is power.
Its frightening when this first happens.
It just shifted and a terror came over me
Because they are EVERYWHERE .
Alot . I felt like i left the planet .
Me a stranger in a new strange land.
It was very unexpected and therefore frightening. I shut it down so i can focus on day to day stuff.
I really thank you for addressing this
No one has and this is very helpful
I felt panicky , thinking there was something wrong with my head , again.
Excatly how i felt
I totally agree..I think most of the therapists who tell you on CZcams that you are wrong..narcs are not everywhere are themselves narcs.
I also thought I had lost my mind, once I discovered the narc CZcams channel. And I was really angry about the 'no retribution' teaching here. Once I learned and went NC, I wanted desperately to tell off the monsters in my life. But due to this great teaching, I realized the futility of that approach. I have faced it that I must keep it NC and just work on healing me.
I remember being scared. This video brings back some of the memories and boy, not great ones I must say. The trick or should I say the solution to not being scared is to see them as people. We have people in the comments describing them as monsters, body snatchers etc and honestly, these thoughts are not healthy and serves no good to anyone because well, how would anyone be at ease being surrounded by horrifying creatures? Narcissists are people, period. Underdeveloped brats trapped in adult bodies, but still people. They could be kind, they could display moments of honesty, happiness and true vulnerability like anyone. But they are people who, when faced with any sort of difficulty or insecurity always chooses the ‘easy way out’, never mind the hurt it brings to others. They neither truly understand nor are able to relate to others, therefore they almost only make nihilistic, self-serving, short-sighted, impulsive decisions. When confronted, they will attempt to squirm their way out, either through lies or rage or whatever tricks they have in their arsenal. Like small children, they are unable to face the shame of their wrongdoing and are not able to take responsibility of their actions. All they want is to be let off lightly. However, they are dangerous because they aren’t actually children and they have adult capabilities in other aspects. They can and often would formulate intricate plans/triangulate for incredibly superficial reasons such as to make themselves appear better than everyone around them. They are disappointments due to their lack of emotional depth and dangerous because well, imagine a brat throwing a tantrum in a toy store. Now imagine that brat in an adult body being too caught up in their emotions to care that they hurting innocent people with their flailing limbs as they lay on the floor ‘tantruming’. That is a metaphor but I think it describes what narcissists are. There is no need to fear these babies. We just need to have firm boundaries and avoid them as much as possible to avoid getting caught up in their mess.
Yes you are completely right and true except for the case of malignant narcissists. Most others are simply minor narcissists, who tend to be less dangerous at all times. The rare malignant narc is something entirely. I’ve dealt with two and they were pure evil-capable of murder if they could get away with it.
Narcissists are very good at baiting you in. You really have to watch out for them and go no contact
LOL 😂 that’s hilarious.
I have deleted 4 Narcs from my life in the last month.
Don’t know what happened to me.
I think enough was enough.
I’ve only recently found out about Narcs and when I started recognising a myriad of Narc traits in each individual I thought Hmmm I’ll tread carefully here and then each one of them either did or said something and I had a super strong gut reaction and literally ended the friendship there and then.
Oh the joy and bliss of those moments.
The feeling of freedom and a sigh of relief of never having to be polite through their crap again.
🎶 Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah
Since then I have been thinking 🤔 Oh my goodness I hope I’m not putting too many people in the same wet paper bag because it looks to me like they stick out a mile.
LOL 😂 And now I listen to your video and here you are saying exactly what’s happened to me in this past month.
I also was wondering why I can see narcs more now than before. I was surrounded by them friends, family and coworkers.
It's true ,heard somewhere that they "tell "on themselves.I find I'm listening more ,to hear them admit their disorder.They do everytime!
Really?? Wow, that's so interesting.
Happy to hear that it is not “crazy” to have a “narcometer” but that you consider it normal and fine…! I lost my money to narcissists, my mental health, but since I found out about codependency and read the Human Magnet Syndrom, I truly walk around as kind of another person, being more in control of how interactions with others effect me, and with a narcometer… thanks so much for opening up my eyes and of many others!
Most people have narcissistic tendencies, once you learn what narcissistic people do and how they do it what I call the rules of the game you start to pick up what I call narcissistic radar, nark-dar.
I don’t have self love but after 2 narcissistic abusive relationships, I can see it coming a mile away. It’s so obvious to me now! I’m never dating ever again.
Krissy, they truly are everywhere. After giving up dating for six years I was encouraged to go back out there again.... Guess what..... It's hard to believe I'm unable to find anyone who isn't extremely disordered. It's made me hopeless.
Just learn too go slow you may meet a good person
I can't wait to get your book. It's been on my to read book as a recovery from codependency and self love deficit.
I see them everywhere. They keep begging me to chill with them. And I am always laughing at them each time they try to bait me.
Since awakening and becoming self love abundant : D .. it's crazy the amount of narcs out there. I wonder if they are any conscious humans left.
I escaped a narc relationship and learned that us humans ALL have an element of narc in us it's the level of the narc that we have to watch for.
You really don’t see the illusion world anymore, I see, smell and hear EVERYTHING now
“A considerable percentage of the people we meet on the street are people who are empty inside, that is, they are actually already dead. It is fortunate for us that we do not see and do not know it. If we knew what a number of people are actually dead and what a number of these dead people govern our lives, we should go mad with horror." ~ G.I. Gurdjieff
There are so many of them (narcs) and this is another reason I stay home a lot.
Thank you isn’t enough Ross but I do thank you so much ☺️, it doesn’t take away what my abusers have done . They are responsible but I have learnt so much since understanding my own self love deficit disorder, I was truly oblivious therefore stuck in a terrible and painful cycle . I see them everywhere it’s true 👌😂 and they are vile but I now truly love myself and have understood what boundaries are .🙏🤗❤️💪 x
This is soooooo true.. it is good. People we know will also be released slowly one by one. Its a shift in life
True, but the problem is: it is not so good to tell other people too often, because then you look weird "she/he sees all over narcissist, poor one, she/he must have a trauma or maybe she/he is her/himself ill" - so be careful with whom you are talking about. Most of the other people think "what?! Another narcissist? It cannot be that there are always narcissists around her/him". And if you are not a professional you can explain it, or whom they believe (!) it will get sad for you! So be cautious and aware of! And it is very sad if you get triggered and you say something to them or to the other people around them, because they cannot see it and you will get the bill for saying something.
You are very wise. Thanks for this video. Hugs from Australia 💟
(You cannot put a crown on a clown & expect a king)
This could also apply to a narcissist who says I see them everywhere referring to codependent people it's like they can spot a codependent just like we can spot a narcissist.
Their very survival depends on them spotting willing prey so they are good at it.
I am seeing them everywhere. Then I called my last major narcissist a twin flame. I really see them at church more than anywhere else. They use God to control and manipulate people because they see themselves as perfect and entitled to things that they did not work for and do not deserve. It is disgusting that all my therapists kept this from me. I used to ask why I kept attracting bullies everywhere that I went. They never told me. I was the scapegoat from the narcissist family system. I then was a battered woman and terrorized everywhere that I went from these narc freaks. I am 59. I am determined to live a happy life now. I won't let them win. Thanks for putting this information out there. You are the narcbuster and Superman of therapists. God bless you. I think they are 15-20 percent of the population. They disgust me. I do run from them.
Yes - church and organised religion becomes ‘unsafe’ once you see ‘them’
This is so true, just a few years ago I would of never dreamed that these toxic creatures even existed, it's like you have a narcissist radar built-in,👍 Ross and survivors and thrivers 🙏
Thank you so much for this. I thought I was going mad. Love the idea of a secret society of people who can see narcs.
Not me MVA VAM. I love the idea of someone to discuss this with and their eyes won't glaze over.
Thank you for the information. I have been seeing narcissist my entire life but did not realize that this was a healthy sign. Thank you for clarifying what I'm really seeing. They literally make me feel sick when I get near them even though I did not know the term narcissist until a few years ago.
I needed this video, I doubted my own mind. My psychologist said there weren't that many ... of course there are.
We're all reflecting our issues, we're reflection of each other. We live in a narcissistical human system. Best just trying to be as authentic as possible, and try not taking affairs personally. Just try and enjoy life to the best of one's ability is maybe the key. 🙌💛🙌🔑 love to all, and happy new year 🤞
This is exactly where I am after 6 years in recovery. Thank you 🙏 you helped change my life. It’s been a very long journey and now I really do feel like the kid in the movie because I see them everywhere too! I thought I was going crazy and started to worry that I was becoming super paranoid. But now I know I’m not but Please let me join that secret society!
Haha, I love this video! Yes, I do see narcissists everywhere. I still feel some anxiety and discomfort around them but it's getting better. The only big triggers I still get is within my own family. They want to come together so many times per month and I really get tense after a few hours, especially watching the children get (emotionally) abused. I spoke about it one time because it was so harmful but quickly got all the enablers against me. I'm not going anymore on their monthly meetings. I'm now officially described as a person with toxic behavior by the family but I don't mind. The therapists that helped me get through my divorce, my best friend and one niece can see the toxic dynamics playing out and they see me as the sane one. That helps a lot.
Wow! I really enjoyed the video. It is so true, we must keep the batteries for our narcometer which is self- love and self- care. Only then will we not be tormented by: I see narcisists everywhere! Although it feels painful at times, it is really empowering to be able to discern who you are dealing with.
So unbelievably true.....I can't believe how many people NEVER EVER ASK ME A QUESTION!!..
Knowledge and my two dogs have got me through my year from hell... Its just me and them now,but my lifetime of anxiety is finished and I'll be making my next 50 years very very different...thankyou so much for your videos 🥰🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
Same. But one of my 2 dogs died and now it's just me and my one dog. Thank God for dogs 🙏❤️
@@user-or1ye3iz6d oh dear....I am sorry and I understand completely...Your pup is watching you and is probably hanging out with Missy my Jack Russell who's up there watching me....We do love our dogs differently to other people I rekon and it makes sense why ...🥰🇦🇺
Is not asking a qw a trait? Would make sense since they care not.
@@monkeybearmax ohhhh...they'll ask every question under the Sun if that's what's required of their current circumstances....however they won't ask a thing out of interest...
so crazy most of my close friends are narcissist, covert/overt/victim I was living in a world of toxic ppl, looking in broken mirrors seeing myself different...the journey is worth the pain...tnx for the vids
Yeah I’m actually thinking of spending a year just completely on my own with very limited engagement with anyone. I am actually so happy when I’m on my own and being allowed to bask in my own energy. Just a year, to really heal up.
And yes, I have been recognising narcissists everywhere, and then I feel like I’m judging so I get to know them and then my conclusion is, no they really are a narcissist, I was right! They are everywhere. Also sometimes I think I’ve found ‘a great friend’ only to quickly do a u turn after having a full conversation with them.
Yep haha that’s what I do when I’m in a room. Just wish I could find more non-narcissists. I’m very alone in my perspective. But hey whatever 😅. It’s just more confirmation that there’s nothing that I’m lacking that I must find outside of myself. I’m fine just as I am.
Thank you for this video. After learning to love myself & to "observe but don't absorb" I took up a new sport - narc hunting. Having a '"narcometer" certainly aids my sporting adventure. For me this is a survival skill one needs, just like for mushroom hunting, in order to stay away from the deadly fungi.
As a psychic surgeon, I literally DO see dead people. But now that my karma of being an over giver & fixer & empath is healed, I see narcissists easily & early. I can relate to this video better than anyone! 😊🙏👁
#manybirdzmedicine
Thank you Dr. R. Your video is excellent validation. I’ve been recognizing narcissists absolutely everywhere for the past few years and thought I was being hypervigilant. I feel somewhat protected for often - I’m sure, not always - being able to recognize narcissistic traits.
It’s been comforting and confidence-building that’s helped me to make safer, smarter choices about how I interact with people and with whom I might develop a relationship.
~ Grateful and always learning.
THANK YOU! My Journey of Healing & Self Love has Only Just Begun... I So Needed To Hear This Very Thing. Now I See Narcs Everywhere Too & Wonder if I Am in Some Alternate Reality? What Happened? Who Am I Now? In a World Seemingly Teaming with Narcs All Around Me. Deceased Parents, Siblings, Spouse, Children, Former Friends. How Can This Be? Feel Like I Am the Alien Among the Masses, Throngs, Crowds, Oceans Full of Narcs, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, Etc. All I Can Do Is Keep Going, Moving On, Healing, Learning, Growing. Thank Goodness I Got A German Shepherd Puppy This Year. He is Almost One Year Old, 100 lbs. & We Are Each Other's Best Friend. Inseparable.
The first time I realized that the guy I just started to date was a narcissist, it was astonishing! Suddenly, it was crystal clear in front of my eyes.
I felt great to have learnt, and grown so much.
Thank you for the guidance.
THIS! Exactly!! It explains why I’ve been single 7 years. Just the thought of dating terrifies me. I interviewed for a job and I instantly felt in my gut that this person was “unsafe,” but I couldn’t recognize yet what my gut was telling me. Reluctantly, I accepted the job due to the opportunities. I quickly realized this female is BPD / NPD and it was so interesting to watch it unfold and play out and observe how she interacted with clients. I knew I had to break off from her very strategically. However, after 13 months, she cornered me, made sure no one else was around, and played out just as I knew it would and I calmly told her, “I’m done.” She texted and emailed me, trying to get me to engage. Normally I’d have avoided NPDs, but it was so empowering to be able to see it and know exactly how to maneuver. Thank you so much for all your guidance!!
Ross, you are dead on. I can watch the circus, watch the monkeys and clowns perform. Such a wonderful analogy. I see narcissist everywhere! I love the seventh sense analogy. I observe the circus and not be AFFECTED! Hallelujah!!
Thank you.. I really needed this today. Never heard of you before but “when the student is ready a teacher will come “
Thank you
LMAO 🤣 Dr Ross you are the best. PS...I see narcissists everywhere now. Also, I would love to hear you talk about the "vulnerable narcissist" aka the covert narc, but someone who specifically uses "vulnerability" (or the illusion of vulnerability) as a weapon. I find these kind are the hardest to detect and sometimes more volatile (I dealt with one for years and always felt guilty bc of the degree of vulnerability and fragility he displayed)
People at peace with themselves and in a state of serenity unintentionally disrupt the narcissist‘s vibrations of chaos.
Its frightening i discovered narcissism 3 years ago and omg i can see them i feel them close by what you say makes so much sence thank you
Ross, I embarked on the journey of boundary setting and saying good bye to narcissistic abusive pple and it is enfolding exactly like you say in your book. i'm so grateful, especially for your warning, because i really did lose so many pple, even some, that I would never ever have guessed, and that I loved, still love dearly. But i had to see the truth and let go and without your warning I would have been confused and scared, even doubtull if I'm on the right path. Reading your book made me grounded in reality and truth.
It is a very strange process - after the letting go there are so few left
@@MJ-qb5ph few left, true, though what came shortly after was the realisation that there were pple around me all the time that I didn't give the tkme of day to. I now see how healthy relating was boring ro me then and now these "boring" people can come into my life more fully.
@@Meoli55 Wow! That's a revelation.
It happens to me a lot, I am spiritually awakened during the day of while sleep. If I enter a room packed with those vampires, my spirit will become restless, sometimes I will feel an angry energy from them as if telling me to get out of there
Dude ! Not even bout looking younger you look “fab” witda new look!!!
Caliente 🔥
Narcs are everywhere, from handyman to realtor, to people in stores, other people's homes, and I feel great! I do not get entangled at all. I see them. Let them be them. I go on without them. It is hilarious, but kinda sad because the people they are sometimes interacting with have so much work to do. Thank you for this video. I also loved the movie The 6th Sense. Great analogy. God bless you for all of your good work in helping us recover. Life is good.
Thank you for the videos Ross. "Regressing" into a self defeating state is probably the most difficult thing about my recovery. Your videos always make me feel better
This man accurately describes my mental state my entire life...raised by wolfs...
Yep. I was just able to trust my own intuition about a recent experience with a covert narc. I now trust myself and the feelings I have when I am around other people. Around a narc, I used to feel attracted or that they were familiar, now I feel anxiety and like I am guarded. Part of my self-love is to trust what I feel around other people, no matter what they are saying. Thank you for your valuable and life changing work.
Thank you for this. When I started my NPD journey 3.5 years ago, it was estimated only .6 percent of the population are narcissists. .I took my inventory and the number I came up with was 23%. Only recently, therapists have made statements closer to what I see. You can't unsee it!
Another great one Dr. Rosenburg!
I ordered your book. I’m alone right now. I cut my entire family off and I left my friends behind. I had too because I was attracting too many narcissists. I know it’s from child hood and my mother and absent father. I had to be alone to have a good future. I got a Therapist too.
This message is so funny and refreshing. Not denying what I see anymore by putting it into a movie theme. Now by not denying I recognize them, I can then say to my self ,” Go ahead, Make my day!”
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. It becomes a superpower.
One or two of my grown kids have made fun of me in the last six mo.,(since my epiphany awakening to the world of narcissism), & have said, “So everyone is a narcissist,Mom?!” I appreciate your video here, which affirms that I am “seeing narcissists everywhere”, not bc I’m going crazy, but bc I am becoming forearmed, forewarned, educated,& healing emotionally. Thank you Dr Rosenberg! I read your “Human Magnet” book. I’m having a phone consultation with Margalis Fjelstad soon. Enormous thanks!
So glad that you made this video. It definitely resonated with me and I haven't even started therapy yet. I now have watched a lot of videos on narcissists and the cycle of abuse and the traits these people have and I can now recognise them everywhere.
Specially in dating apps Lol. I also feel like a tightening feeling in my stomach and anxiety around them, they kind of trigger me but I'm learning to detach. As you mention in your book, I feel like my "picker" was broken, because now I can see how subcounciously I was chosing these people as partners, but I'm training myself to be super rational and don't show or give all of me, and to get to know the person well.
They're definitely everywhere 😅
Hi Ross and thank you for your video. Yes, I see them everywhere! I even still live with my narc mom and these videos keep reminding me to put my needs in front, because it is easy to forget. So thank you! And happy new year full off healed people!!💖
Wow this is the best advice I’ve heard. Your channel is gold!!
This is so relatable. Let the narcissists be who they are. Your work is NOT just STUFF. Thank you for your wisdom.
Thanks so much. It explains why I ran from a friend. I mean, I just left and went home. Never heard from him again. You explain things so well! Thanks again!
Love that word "narsometer" At first I thought I was overthinking things. Great info!
Thank you for this! Like you and so many here this has been happening to me, too. I've wondered if I'm just jaded or somehow seeing everything from the perspective of having been hurt and feeling over-protective of my boundaries, but now I see it's just something that we learn from our traumatic experiences, to avoid further trauma.
I love your video & yes everywhere in every setting I see them and knowing what there capable of and being able to navigate threw life easier is priceless. Thank you for your work and all you do. Nathan S
This was one of the most entertaining videos I've seen in a long time. I would love to go to a party, for example, and be able to spot them all over the room, as well as their paramours, the co-dependents, and just think to myself, "Not my monkeys, not my circus!" Of course, I would hope there were some "regular" folk, as well, or it could come to seem like a nightmare.
OMG…this is so true…they are everywhere! When I learned to observe I found these performances very amusing. Where’s the popcorn?
You are so right
You explained it perfectly with that tightness you feel around such grabboids
Thank you
And your laughing because they can’t hurt you anymore
Just annoy you
Awesome advice
I thought I am becoming weird these past months. This is a confirmation that I could now identify a narc and a codependent, and yes! I see them everywhere.
I see them too, they keep falling out of my life like flies. In a room full of them I am very uncomfortable but not afraid, not anymore. I find that I have skills in neutralizing their toxicity. I can sense them around, my body let's me know.
Love that you are not afraid anymore. I am.
Humour,wisdom from human experiences.Brilliant information Dr.Ross.Much appreciated 🏵️🙏.
New year greetings to you.