Why have we stigmatized and marginalised the stay-at-home mom? | Ben Young | TEDxOxbridge
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2017
- Using stay-at-home moms as a case study, Ben Young tackles the polarization and prejudices rampant in discussions of gender in the workplace and in society at large.
Ben Young graduated with University Honors from Brigham Young University with a BA in Economics, and a minor in Business Management. After graduation, he worked in the insurance and non-pro t arenas, specializing in data analytics and visualization. Outside of work, Ben is an avid baseball fan and an a cappella nerd. He also works as a freelance BI consultant, advising busi- nesses on Tableau implementations and analytics best practices, as well as conducting webinar trainings. He and his wife Aubrey both currently study at Oxford University when not playing with their two daughters, Joan and Ruth.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
A bigger question might be "Why do we think it's normal to have kids and then immediately entrust their care and education to total strangers until age 18?"
Agree completely. Why would I, a college educated woman who desperately wanted my children, hand them over as babies to people who, for the most part, do not love my children and are not very educated, nor do they necessarily share my values? That seemed illogical to me. So glad I got to stay home with my kids.
I am glad that you are satisfied with your choice. I chose to stay home for my 4 kids but I always feel uncomfortable and unsatisfied with my life. I had a very good education but without career! This miserable feeling is getting bigger as I am reaching 39 years old. I thought that it might be middle age crisis
I feel same way as you do. But we are born into this society that praises money and success. I've been staying home with my 6 year old and it's the best thing I have ever done in my life.
@@sylviamontero6030 I absolutely agree! I love being with my five month old. I believe parenting is such an important role! Either we can let a stranger parent our children or we can parent them.
@@Amy-tl2xe Great. I'm glad to see some women who love their children and stay at home. Do you homeschool your children? I personally plan on homeschooling my children if I do have any myself.
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career.” - C.S. Lewis
I was just about to find and paste the exact quote, then I saw yours! 😊
Love this quote!! Thanks for sharing! I'm even lower down the value-adding ladder according to society: a stay-at-home non-mom...
Yes!! Bring me home some bacon 🥓 so we can eat it!!
I love that quote. Children have to be a priority and it takes a fair amount of unselfishness.
Amen. The greatest job a woman can have is raise their OWN children.
It is astonishing to me that child care is a profession when it is someone else's kids, but laziness when it's your own. Thankfully, I do not live and die by the approval of others so I have no insecurities about my decision to stay home. It also help immensely that I live in a part of the country where it is still a common choice. We recognize that only the individual can know what is best for themselves in every other instance, but decide to stay home with your littles (because it just flat makes financial sense) and everyone loses their minds.
In my experience, most women end up marrying men 2-3 years older than them. The narrative is pretty consistent, "he was finished with school, we wanted to start our lives together. He got a job offer in another town. He had a marketable education and I wasn't out of school yet." People have a larger goal of being married and having children and make decisions in their specific circumstances to support that goal. I also know plenty of couples who waited until she was finished with school to have kids and either she never entered the workforce or they opted for daycare. I don't know what is best for your family, sometimes I don't know what is best for my family (shocker)! We need to give each other the grace to make decisions in wisdom and alter course if those decisions don't pan out. When you stigmatize a decision like this it can cause a person to be unwilling to change for their own benifit due to pride (a need to show them they are wrong). So if you are considering talking a young lady out of staying at home, don't. Give her space and support and the room to change her mind if all of your fears and worse case scenarios come true.
Natalie, I love what you wrote here. And agree utterly. The ironies you noted were hilarious, because they are so darn true! There is a part of the country where it is still a common choice to be a SAHM? Oh I would have loved to live there the last 20 years. :)
Omg. Love this!!!
Maybe because your kids go to school kost of the day? 😬
Jennifer Rivera
Lol what does that have to do with what I said?
You little story only makes sense IF you have 2 kids IF you have them 4 years appart IF you won’t work for 10 years( 10 years doesn’t add up but ok) and IF you don’t let them go to school.
Jennifer Rivera
School is also free where I live....
How about stay-home-mom homeschoolers? Double the stigma, half the time. What's so unnatural about raising and teaching our own young? Most mammals do.
Good point. And just a century ago, such was the norm. And without stigma. During the industrial revolution, they needed factory workers and......well, John Taylor Ghatto writes about it far better than I ever could. Its an interesting read, ie the history of public school education.
(I know you posted this comment a long time ago but it struck me.) I recently learned that nearly all primates-which we are!-hold their babies for about 14 hours a day. This skin-to-skin contact is REQUIRED for children to develop healthy brains. I also learned that modern children are the only ones to go through a stuffed-animal phase, and it’s because as soon as possible we shove them off us and cram them in a dark, isolated room. A lone child is defenseless, and throughout the 10,000 generations of humans we never left our young because a lone child is a dead child. No wonder our children are ridden with anxiety, cling to anything soft and comforting, fear darkness and isolation. They have been bred to feel this and it’s an innate instinct to preserve life. And we meet this with isolation 😔 Modern mothers hold our children so little, our ancestors could consider it child abuse.
Zenny Abanales Do you enjoy your online work? What is it you do, if you don’t mind me asking? I am a recent college graduate and my dream career is to be a housewife, but I have to pay my loans back. Looking for inspiration ☺️
@@Sequins_ There is a large and thankfully growing contingent of moms that wear their babies in moby wraps and ergo back packs, and then graduate to homeschooling.
Stay at home homeschooling mama here! I had 2 dreams my whole life- to be a famous dancer, and to live the life I have right now! Sometimes I get down about my dance failures, but then I remind myself to never take for granted my biggest dream coming true- gorgeous romantic husband, and babies that I get to love and teach all day!
My mom was a working mom. She was never around and I honestly don't recall her presence during the fundamental milestones in my life even though she properly fed, clothed and sheltered me. I love my mom. I'm just not close to her. I spent most of my time alone and that's what I am use to. After getting my degree, having the career, when it was time to raise a family I asked to stay at home. I've been a SAHM for the last 15 years and only now trying to start a business...from home. There are sacrifices and we don't drive fancy cars but my kids are amazing and wouldn't trade the time I've spent with them. Oh it's also nice to finally start seeing a "return on investment" because my kids are well-mannered, respectful and we get along.
Martha R Hmm, why do you expect all of that to fall on the mother? I don’t hear a lot of kids complaining about their dads providing for them and not being close to them because of that. Someone has to pay the bills you know. Were you an only child? If so, I’m sure if you had siblings around, you would not have been so alone most of the time. I’m sure your mom did her best to support you. I’m also sure there would be a different kind of complaining if you had to suffer from lack of food, shelter, etc. I feel sad for your mom - that she did her best but you are ungrateful about it. By the way, where is/was your father throughout your life???
Doctor Dialenni Actuallt, my dad works full time. He hardly gets a day off and still finds plenty of time for his family. I’m so close to my dad and it’s because he has always put family first. My husband work 50 hours a week on average and commutes roughly 15-20 hours a week as well. So he’s gone 70 hours a week and he still manages to put family first. His father on the other hand was a workaholic and never took vacation with his family or spend any time with his kids or family. Even now that he’s retired he is hardly involved in family nights and events. It’s definitely a mindset and about priorities. You can certainly work full time, even overtime hours and still put family first.
Story of my life, I could've really written this (just for me been 10yrs).
@@LatiWins even if it wasn't directed to me as i am in a similar situation... that's a valid question, so to answer, my dad was mostly at home... and i was only child.
@@elizabethunger9190 that’s great - yes it’s possible for a parent to still work long hours but put family first. But... I’m sure if a woman did the same people would show disbelief or still say she is selfish for working outside the home. It’s just funny how when men do it they are seen as heroes.
My mom was a stay at home mom and our relationship was stronger because of it. I remember her making me lunches of rolled up bologna and cheese and grapes on the side and she would hangout with me and watch cartoons while I ate. Best childhood ever. I plan on being a stay at home mom for my kids. They deserve to be raised by their mother and have that bonding time in such a crucial and impressionable time of their life.
@@mamatlacuacha seriously, there's no more important job than raising the next generation to be awesome human beings! Keep up the awesome work!
Austin Grace thanks for this, I was a stay at home mom and never regretted it. They are young adults now and I miss those days with them and wish I could tell all women to stay at home because it goes by so quick.
Austin Grace maybe your mom was rich. My parents both had to work.
arxdeath you don’t have to be rich to be a stay at home mom, my mom did with all five of us and we were poor. I stayed at home with my girls and sometimes worked part time on weekends while my husband was at home to make extra money..
@@arxdeath773 Has NOTHING to do with being rich. My husband is a truck driver and I stay at home...for us it is all about making sacrifices and doing without a lot of extra, unnecessary stuff.
I'm a stay at home mom, I wish I could be lazy, but I don't have the time.😒😒😒
Spiritisalive1 preach 🙏🏻
For sure! I am running from sun up to sundown. I generally take an hour or 2 in the afternoon to rest but that is optional. There are still a million things I could be doing. Working moms wonder what stay at home moms do all day as a general rule. I wonder how it’s possible to fit in a full time career while raising kids... like... how? I run out of time every day and I am home all day working on everything. Even as a stay at home mom, I worry about not getting enough quality time in with my kids because there is always another load of wash or outside project or something to clean.
spiritisalive, lol! reading your comments here brought back so many memories when my babies were little. I had no idea how to fit it all in one day and keep the house reasonably clean....overwhelm some days. But I have to say, looking back....it went so fast. I know that sounds cliché, but its like one day you blink your eyes, and they are ready to begin driving and fly away. It is so bittersweet. It made me thankful for the days I said, "Oh the heck with the dusting, its time to fingerpaint and do wall murals with the kids." And then the phone rings, and I came back, and the dog was purple and pink, and little foot prints and hand prints all over. Enjoy these years. Laugh, live, love, and take lots of pictures, and jot down the funny things they say. Its such a hoot to re-read them a decade later. Blessings. :)
Emily K. I hear you. Hang in there. You'll never regret putting that last load of laundry aside to go pick flowers with the children, or stomp in some mud puddles on a rainy day, or searching for cool butterlies and bugs (my son's favorite) . Those are the memories they will cherish, and you too. And its all in your own back yard. and free! GBY. :)
Spiritisalive1 ha ha ha, me too!
"What do you do all day?"
I don't know but it takes me all day to do it.
My favorite response. lol
LMAOO yesss! Like, wth would the daycare be doing for your kid?...We're doing that plus some!
It is a 24 hour job if your looking after a baby/toddler. You always need to keep an eye on them. You just can't leave them to fend for themselves.
If I got paid for how many times people ask me "Why isn't your child in daycare?" I would be rich! LOL. I have 3 children, and only the youngest is still not in school. Yeah I am tired but I'd rather have my child home with me. I went to daycare as a kid and yes I did enjoy it. My auntie is a daycare worker and worked at the daycare I attended. I always wished I could be with my parents all day when I was little and don't want my kids to miss out on the things that I missed out on because of daycare.
It’s a question loaded with jealousy. They wish they could. I’m happy for you and others like yourself.
Kat's POV lmao. I’m going to have to start using that line.
Master's Degree, SAHM who homeschools here, and the sacrifice is completely worth it.
Zebony LaVie thank you for doing what you do. I just had my first and will be homeschooling too. It’s so important. Just wanted to send some love and support 🙌🏻
@@StefaneJaspering awwwww so sweet. Thank you!! And you have chosen one of the most rewarding and important jobs out there. Kudos to you!!
Zebony, Hats off to you, that is awesome! Same here, and you are absolutely spot on, the sacrifice is completely worth it, tenfold. :)
@@wildernesssparrow1156 thank you so much!! And right back at you, hats off to you as well. We are responding to the ultimate calling in our life.
aww, thank you Zebony. And bless you. It is so encouraging and refreshing to read your kind words, and to see so many here who answered this similar call too. (and Punky J...wishing you all the best, and good for you!) I remember in the beginning, it was a bit rough with mom friends we knew who had careers and disparaged this life path. It was just too strong a calling to ignore, so glad we stayed the course. I didn't judge other moms, just said "Hey every family is different, and that's fine." but wow, I never expected the blowback we got, as if our making a different choice was somehow an indictment of their choice. That wasn't the case at all, at least on our end. But I guess in retrospect, they were just battling with their own internal baggage on it. Some even parted company with us, when their kids kept asking them to be home educated too. Some even wanted to stay with us. It was awkward and kinda sad, but that was life. Its been so rewarding to have had the chance to share this kind of life with our children, I can't imagine it any other way. I wish you and your family every success and joy and happiness Zebony, and thank you again for the encouragement.:)
Taking care of our little humans is a very important job
Cynthia Marquez As far as human development goes, it's *the* most important job.
Cynthia Marquez agree is the most important and dificult job ❤️💪🏻
"little humans"? that is so cute :)
Taking care of little humans, the future members of society, is such an important job that we should give it to nursery-schools, baby-sitters, and school teachers who do not love them as much as their parents and are not concerned about their welfare and future as much as their parents.
You are creating our future. Thank you!!
I'm a stay-at-home mom, but I love the term homemaker because you have to make your house a home. Peaceful and happy home life makes all the difference in how someone interacts with the world.
That's my preferred title also for the exact same same reason. ♥️
Lol I say domestic engineer, I get curious looks after that😂😂
I started referring to myself that way because stay at home mom seems so passive.
@@KJ-nv9uz haha That's a good one
Kate Dunning That’s true. I never thought of it that way.
Parents are absent and we wonder what's wrong with the youth? 🤦
Parents completely abandoning their children and leaving yes but wtf is wrong with having a job when you have children especially when they’re at school during the day?? It’s choice at the end of the day and if a parent wants to be a stay at home then don’t judge. But also don’t judge people for having a job and children 💀 During my childhood both of my parents had jobs but they both spent a lot of time with me on weekends, mornings before going to school and evenings after and I felt like I got a lot of attention from them both. Don’t judge people for their life choices! As long as they’re not abusive to their children or abandon them. Smh
Exactly you can not have it all. We need mother's at home taking care of the home and the family.
I am a full-time working mother and I feel incredibly guilty about letting other people raise my children. I don't see why anyone would judge a mother for spending time with her children. I just wish there were more stay at home fathers as well.
I am a stay at home mom because what i would make at my job would hardly put a dent in daycare. So i quit and stay at home to care for my children myself. You get lonely and it's stressful but I'm glad they spend their time with me 24/7.
My husband is! It’s awesome.
Mulan 121, you have a beautiful heart, and your children know it. My mom had to work two jobs for many years raising my sis and I, but just knowing that she really wanted to be with us made so much difference. The stay at home dads I've seen have been awesome too.
When your children are grown, you won't have time to take back the guilt you are feeling now. We prioritize our time. I'm a mommy at home but have a huge cell phone addiction:(
How can we conquer our selves.....and be fair ..i feel pulled apart in every direction
Dan M7 So a man isn't aloud to stay home and take care of his children? I think it's up to every couple to decide what they think is best for their family. If a man wants to take care of his children and a woman wants to go out and pursue a career, I really don't think it's anyone's business to judge them.
And most of those examples of male accomplishments that you gave are things humanity could have done without if you ask me.
Everyone talks about being a SAHM like it’s a permanent choice. For many, if not most, it’s a season of life. We can work, go to school, have kids and stay home when they need us most, and then return to work. For many mothers it’s a season that lasts only until their children are in school and they can work part-time or full-time. So 5 years. Would you think less of a university student who chose to focus on their studies and not work for 5 years? No, you’d probably respect them even more. So why do we do this to SAHMs?
Also, for lower income families it’s sometimes not even a choice. Daycare can cost more per hour than many women can make in an hour. So what do you recommend she do? This attitude is everywhere. It can be tinged with internalized sexism and classism against mothers, and people like to ignore the logistics of a child’s needs.
So, true. I was a SAHM for the first three years of my daughter's life, went back to work for the last four years, I just had my second child and a paused my career to take care of my baby and elderly aunt with cancer.... I know I'll go back to work one day.... but for now I'm where I'm needed most...
@@alysse8034 you are such a strong woman , woman like you make progress this society , you work and raise child , the most important duties of any human society . For this woman like you are more than necessary
It’s 5/6 years until the youngest goes to school, so if you have 2 kids or more, it’s longer than 5 years.
M Sch I know.
@A B That’s an extremely classist and elitist attitude. I have more than enough resources to care for my own children properly, if that was your concern.
A stay at home mom is: head chef, chauffeur, housekeeper, child care worker, head secretary, teacher, head finance officer, chief supply officer, entertainment/morale officer, social worker, medical technician...a stay at home mom is VASTLY over qualified for most employment positions.
love this! :)
Sandra Nelson Best comment EVER!!!!
Thank you.
I needed that.
@@r-e_mii this is true.😢.
I don't get days off.
I thank God for strength.
Stay at home parents are really providing the services of a personal assistant to the breadwinner, childcare being only one of the many responsibilities. They ought to get more respect, because, heaven knows, I could have used one of them when I was the breadwinner.
It always amazes me when people think a stay at home parent could be lazy. I mean, have these people never watched a small child for a couple hours, or even just spent a few hours in a house with a small child in it?
Small children don't stop unless they're sleeping. They always want to play, or eat, or go outside, or need help putting their pants back on because they took them off but now they want them back on but they can't do the button.
Or trying build the character ot f a 2-3 year old who is mastering manipulation, throwing tantrums, terrorizing like a tornado, getting into the coconut oil, slathering chapstick allover their face then eating whatever is left over-while still remaining cute as a button.😅😅😅
Those who judge have never babysat, nursed, cooked for, fed a baby/toddler/ child
They think home = lazy coz that’s probably all that they do when home
We are basically keeping a small person, alive lol.
@@melindaroop1346 Keeping a small person alive and unharmed, and making sure the house stays standing through it all! XD
Angelofthursday 99 I’m a mom and still think it’s less work than people push. Idk maybe some kids are just easier to care for than others. There’s a lot more down time than people are willing to admit.
People looked surprised when I told them I’m a stay home mom. They said I dressed too well to be a stay home mom. Am I suppose to look sloppy just because I cook, clean and take care of the kids every day?
Same here. Dressing well is important to me.
Brag much?
Yvonne Limon you clearly don’t know what bragging is because this wasn’t it.
BabyBlue Yes, actually this is exactly what bragging is. You can look up the definition online, or in a dictionary. She’s saying most SAHM do not dress well. BUT she does.
Same as a child saying he failed a test but here comes little miss perfect, “Well I got a perfect score.” That’s a braggart and I hope you don’t teach your child to boast when others may be down. All she is saying is standards are low but I’m so amazing.
Her comment was said from ego. Not humility.
I merely stated what other people said to me. I respect people for who they are. Not how they dress. There is no need to make quick judgement.
I became a CZcamsr because the stigma that SAHMs are lazy and don’t do anything all day is so pathetic. It’s a sacrifice that I chose to make because my family is more important than anything. My mother was a nurse and she quit working to be home with me. I wouldn’t trade the memories that I made with her for anything and I owe her more than I could ever give her because it’s a selfless sacrifice. I don’t judge any mother because we are all doing the best we can do. We tightened our budget, I quit my corporate job and made this decision and we’ve never regretted it. ❤️
I never comment on CZcams, but I just want to say I am proud of you for thinking of your family first! Your hard work as SAHM is invaluable. As the fourth child of ten kids (from same mother and father) and a daughter of a stay at home mother, my life has forever been blessed. I was also homeschooled until high school (my older siblings were through highschool and younger siblings went to public school sooner than I because my mom was burnt out). Most of my best memories are of when I was a child. And my dad worked at home for some of my childhood, and that was invaluable as well. I actually think both parents working at home is probably the best because of my own experience of it, but that is unrealistic for the most part. I am engaged and can't wait to hopefully be a SAHM too. 😊❤️ Lastly, the speaker didn't point out that some moms work at home and have an online business or something like that. I would like to do that, but my priority will be whatever is best for my kids.
I really enjoyed reading both of your comments today. Thank you for sharing what you did. Stay at home mom, I couldn't agree with your sentiments more. My hats off to both of you. It would be my greatest hope that someday my daughter will be able to express so beautifully what you did about the value of your experiences, happy memories with your moms, and being homeschooled. So many moms have said to me they wish they could be home, but the idea of going without the newer cars, clothes, and vacations, and "having" to be with their kids all day, etc was just not a doable for them. The stigma too, I imagine. It is hard to fathom. We live on a little mini farm, and I cherish the time with our children and family. They are awesome people. I'm so thankful to have had the chance to share this life with them. They were worth every second and every sacrifice. Bless you both. :)
@@wildernesssparrow1156 Wow, good for you!! 😊 That is really cool that you live on a small farm. And yes, some people want more things. But my life was filled with siblings, friends and creativity during my childhood. And because my parents weren't materialistic, I feel they passed that down to me. I have been given two old cars and bought a cheap one during my life and never worry about people scraping them 😂🤣. Your kids must enjoy the farm. 😊 I always thought it would be fun to grow up on one like Laura Ingalls Wilder. And homeschool was good with lots of siblings around, and my mom would take us on nature field trips and to the library a lot. We went to the zoo too. It was so much freedom. And we were able to finish school early because we didn't have to wait a lot like you do with public school in-between classes, etc. I actually learned a lot of self-discipline skills that helped me when I finished the last two years of my BA online. A lot of us kids basically self-taught ourselves in the higher grades. We would read our lessons in math or another subject and then ask questions if we had them. That saved on instruction. There are a lot of super smart and successful people who were not homeschooled, but I would never trade my homeschool experience for a more successful life. Another thing is that I want my kids to learn values I want to instill in them. It's harder to do that when they are away from us and when they are getting values from someone else, often contradicting values. That's my main reason for wanting to be with them more.
Both of you ladies are wonderful and I thank you for commenting! Yes being a SAHM is a sacrifice but it’s all worth it in the end. My priority has always been my family, and now I’m blessed to have a princess and a husband to add to it. It’s funny you mention that you have a small farm, that’s my goal in the near future. I’m a horseman myself but I don’t have anymore because we were renting a place to keep them and as the income got tight, we had to make decisions. It’s my goal to buy land, build our home, teach our daughter to be self sufficient and appreciate the simple things in life in the midst of the hustle and bustle. ❤️
Parents r so effin important....... they literally have the future in their hands haha
They are raising the next generation.
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
Tracy Morse so true
single mothers are a biblical plague! - Jesus
@end timesall adulterers have their place in lake of fire...
The same people who think that mothers who are at home are "lazy", are the same people who think that maternity leave is a "vacation".
I’m a scientist and that 1 year I was a stay at home mum was the most exhausting, stressful and emotional year of my life . Never again. Much respect to those who do this for years !!
Only stay at home moms understand the challenges, frustrations and satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.
True very true!
@@gabevanhoose2069 Actually, the "average" family without the stay at home mom relies far more on public education and outside help. As a former working mom and the SAHM, both had their difficulties. Both were tough. Being away from my child was hard and childcare costs were more than I made, which why I decided to stay home. Staying home meant instead of 3 diapers, I changed 12. Instead of relying on the daycare worker to teach my son how to use utensils, basic conversation, and basic self care such as putting on shoes, I did. Both are completely different and incomparable struggles, and comparing them at all, let alone as bitterly as you seem to have, makes no difference in anyone's life.
You are correct, Gabe. Stay at home moms do everything the average FAMILY usually does. Because working parents have a family of daycare workers, teachers, spouse, friends, extended family to rely on for help. Some are paid, some are not. When I worked, people would offer to watch my kids so I could get a couple hours to myself. They would bring me meals and treats and take me out. Now, when I am literally never alone, no one will watch my children without being paid. Gone is any support system, because to them and society, I am a leach hanging off my husbands back. None of them stop to realize that my staying home right now saves us money, since childcare would take all my income plus some of his. Not to mention that money I save by meal planning, couponing, being able to thrift shop and to hit sales. the money saved by my not driving to work everyday, by not needing work clothes. Most of our meals are made by me, so we save money on eating out and by not buying frozen meals.
Gabe Van Hoose no sorry stay at home mom's are able to do WAY more child rearing than a working mom. Working mom's bring something different to the table, and need extra help from others to raise her kids, unless she has latchkey kids.
Gabe Van Hoose I raised two kids and had a successful career and hired help to keep things running smoothly. I am now a SAHM and I can assure you it’s far more challenging. You’re being dismissive of the role is just sad.
My 7yo is listening to this with me, and when he showed the slide where it said sahms are lazy etc she said "no, they aren't. Because I have one." 💜
Michelle Brandt it melted my heart:) true
I like the phrase “full time mom” more than “stay at home mom”. When you stay home, you truly are a full time mom!
I worked with a lady in business who called herself “a full time CFO and a full time mom” and I couldn’t help but think that when your child spends the vast majority of their day in child care and you’re busy working at your high exec career, you’re actually really only a part time mom because you only have your child for a brief few hours a day. Other people, that you’re paying, are the full time carer of your child.
I hear you. However, being a mom is 24/7 & does not change because of work outside home or distance later in life. Children are a gift from God & parents must do what's best for their family. I know people who homeschool & others who have paid jobs. All moms are valuable. What matters is the love within families 💗
SAHMs have my ultimate respect. My friends and cousins who are do this with panache, grace, tact, and discipline that I have not found in 90% of the professional workforce. You are all amazing, fantastic, beautiful, strong women. So many run side businesses, are community organizers, fitness & nutrition gurus, and make the best lifelong networking friends and business partners. I have worked outside the home for 18 years, and it's my forte. I respect and recognize SAHMs as I would the people in the physical office. The stigma needs to be stopped.
Thank you so much. My mil told me that my husband said all I do is sit around the house all day. By the way, we have 7 children total as a blended family.
Anything to do with parenting is way too harshly judged! There is no one "correct" method. It seems like whatever choice you make, people will tell you it's wrong. SAHM,SAHD, working parents, single parents, whatever, all of them are just trying to do their best for their families. Let's cut each other some slack!
Agreed
I was a SAHM in the 80s and 90s, and I had no regrets. I saw so many women buying into the “Have it all” mentality. I was a young mom, so I also had a light at the end - I was in my early forties and done raising kids, so I had my opportunity to do what I wanted. I also ended up getting divorced because my ex had no, respect for my role as a wife and mother. When I rejoined the workforce I became a daycare provider. I watched families struggle, and I saw firsthand how daycare affects tiny children. I was glad I stayed home. I later worked part time as a nanny. It was crazy watching that family on a treadmill. That had a beautiful home and a stuff, but everyone was exhausted.
Just let women choose what they want to do and leave them alone. If a woman decides to be a stay at home mom and homemaker I applaud her because she made a choice she wanted to make. Same with a woman who is a working mom. None is better or more superior to the other. The issue is that people think it is ok for them to put judgements on other people’s lives and shame them for doing so. This is something I have observed from women in both groups. Bottom line mind your Business and let other people live their lives.
No one's stopping anyone from drinking poison but it gotta be pointed out they are drinking poison. Family must be of utmost priority or people shouldn't bother bringing forth children into this world.
Couldn't agree more with you.
single mothers are a biblical plague! - Jesus
@@robertwarner1160 men who can't take responsabilty are cancer to this earth. - your momma
Stay at home mothers are better, it's a fact.
I entered into motherhood with reluctance, as I’d never had much desire to be around small children before. I was surprised by joy. While pregnant, I was certain I’d continue working, like my mother before me. I was surprised again.
I left an excellent job, with great benefits, and coworkers I adored. And I have no regrets. I had the incredibly blessing of choosing between two great things, and for me, I chose the better. I want to be at home with my child, and am so grateful I get the chance to do so. I respect working moms and homemaking moms (and dads) both.
Also, I call myself a “Domestic Engineer” when someone asks what I do. 😂
that's what my mom called herself too!
smb0621 love this answer!
Love that! Gonna start using that😊
I'm college educated and I unashamedly LOVE being a mom of 5!!!
Messenger, that is a really good question and point you made. I've wondered the same myself. Then again, being a mom is fast track to a PhD in motherhood degree. :)
I'm a PROUD SAHM of 5 with a high school diploma!
Thank youuuuu!
The question is. Can you properly educate and raise your children as a stay at home mom, without a college education?
@@infinity4evr Absolutely! I had no college education, other than a few online courses, and my kids grew up better than just fine. I chose to be with them, and though we weren't rich, I was able to instill in them values and knowledge. I was honest with them, and if I didn't know the answer to something, I found out! They always told people "Mom knows everything" :D The best thing was to be able to spend time with them, it is so precious. My kids are now in their 30's, daughter went to college, got her Masters in early childhood education and is now a teacher. My son is a craftsman. They both have families of their own, and I couldn't be prouder of them.
I didn’t realise SAHM’s were getting so much hate? It’s a wise decision in the best interest of the child to have room in the budget for one parent to stay home. I was a teacher for 8 years, I noticed children with one SAHP were typically in the top quartile in terms of academic performance. 👀 If I had to work full-time to afford to be a parent, I would just opt out altogether. For best results, at least one parent should be able to stay home. Bonus points for invested grandparents too. 🍼 If a self-appointed SAHM is thoughtful enough to select a mate who can comfortably afford to pay for her to stay home, I think that’s intelligent & commendable. 🏆
It's commendable period, and sad our economy is such that it is so hard to do.
Angelina Jolie calls the SAHMs "full-time mothers," with much admiration. I like that, full-time mother. A lot of times, though, if someone asks, I appologetically say, "I'm a. SAHM," so as not to make the work-away-from-the-family-for-pay-moms feel badly. I know that I have the better situation. We've always struggled financially, but my husband wants to be the provider and supports me taking care of family. His mom had to work away from home, and he doesn't want our children to go through what he did. But I know that all moms have some kind of guilt, and feel that they fall short. We all do what we can do and we should stop judging one another, and stop feeling judged.
you cut your cloth to suit as they say .work on my first i was lucky enough to have my sister and mother sharing the childcare .i also spent the first 2 weeks crying every day in the bathroom because i missed her so much ill never forget that.on my last 2 i stopped working .its much harder to stay at home but definitley more rewarding we miss so much when were away from them.their should be more financial supports to parents who work maybe tax breaks etc so parents can spend more time with their children.
I was a latch-key kid with divorced parents in the 80s and 90s. I know the lonliness. I am a sahm now because I want my energy to go towards sustaining my marriage and proving a solid foundation of discipline, love, and trust for my children. Basically I want them to have what I didnt.
wow JM, I could so relate to what you expressed, as a latch-key kid in the 70s. I felt the same way, and made sure our children had what I had so longed for growing up, a mom at home to bake cookies with. You know, I'd forgotten about the tremendous lonliness of being a latch key until you noted it. So true. :)
Exactly the same here. Sahm here, and I do not want my kids to grow up with that lonliness/longing for comfort/caring. I want them to always know that I will be there, and that they come first, not work. I look back now and realize how starved I was for affection- now it's great, my kids are huge snugglers, and I am a victim of Hug attacks daily. I am a safe harbor for them- I don't hover, but I am present!
All of the greatest achievements of this world were due to parents and the influence they had on their children. Positive or negative, parents are a factor. No matter you circumstance, do your best to raise your children to be their best.
I agree. No wonder working mom's don't know their own children
Hapoom
What bs is that. My mom works and I tell her everything.
Well said
Exactly. Even if they didn't raise the kids, theh created the kids
Flawed concept of Value. This really stuck with me and is so true. I had a 13 year career and 1 year being a full time caretaker to my kids. I judged women for leaving their careers or not having any career and throwing their education away prior to. I now say that being a full time caretaker is harder than working. While it is very fullfilling...emotiinally, the physical and mental exhaustion is greater.
I agree with you.
shafmay so true
shafmay I hear this almost universally from those who have done both. Homemaking is made of so many jobs people depend on in the workforce but refuse to recognize. If (only if) respect is abandoned, that creates an almost parasitic dependence on cooks, janitors, and daycare providers... who are thankfully at least paid but rarely held in honor. Yet even they are allowed to specialize in one task!! The SAHM manages all... but does nothing which earns applause.
so true Elizabeth! :) Shafmay, you are your children's cherished and beloved mom....a ROYAL CAREGIVER. :)
THIS!
One of the only jobs with both no financial pay AND virtually no days off (not even weekends, most vacations, and sick leave): stay at home parents.
@Josephine Bournes - I think you missed my point. I wasn't trying to say that stay at home parents should be provided such days off... I was merely pointing out that such days off are generally not available in the way they are for emplyed workers even if they wanted them. The reason businesses given them to employees is so that they have a bit MORE time to be with their families. In Europe this quite valued (typ 6 ~ 8 weeks a year), in the US not so much (1 ~ 2 weeks a year). Not sure about other regions of the world.
I had to give up being a stay at home mom when I got divorced. It breaks my heart and nothing I do will ever be as rewarding or valuable.
EJ Kirby - A Basketball Star in the Making bless you!! I'm sorry for your heartbreak. Sahm here offering some solidarity. You are doing great providing for your kiddos and doing what has to be done. Your kids will see that and always remember their mom loved them. I know because I was raised by a single parent.
Mike Miller shut up
I am a college graduate who chose to be a SAHM. I didn't lose my ambition, I'm not lazy, and I do a lot of work on a day to day basis. I keep my home clean, which involves cleaning and tidying up all day long. There is always a mess in one room because my kids seldom stay still. I'm responsible for keeping all the bills paid, buying and cooking all the meals, fixing all the snacks and lunches, washing, drying, folding, and putting away all the laundry, making all the appointments, waking throughout the night with sick kids or to care for a baby, attending school functions and volunteering for whatever I can in our community, our schools, and our church. Then I also do my best to help with homework and find ways to make life easier on my middle child who is on the spectrum. But, this won't be my life forever. I've committed to stay home until my youngest starts school. Why, because I believe that the first 4 years are the most important in setting the stage for their futures. I get great satisfaction from knowing that my 3 year old already knows how to count, his alphabet, shapes, colors, simple reading, simple math, and how to write his name and sight words. I feel great about their futures because my 5 year old started kindergarten ahead of his class. I want to give my children ever opportunity to succeed and reach their potential. I want them to look back one day when I'm gone and appreciate the sacrifices I made to help them become who they want to be. I want to be the parent that my kids deserve and I just don't trust a daycare to be able to spend the time that it takes to teach them these early elementary skills. All 3 of my children are wonderfully different and learn in different ways. One is very much a hands on learner, the other learns through repetition and music, and the other learns by observation and visual detail. I can't give them that strong foundation if I put my career first. I'm blessed that we can afford for me to stay home. But, with 3 kids so young, it costs more to do daycare. I would have $100 left at the end of the month on just my check after paying for childcare. It just wasn't worth it for me.
H G sounds amazing!! What does your husband do job wise, genuinely curious!
I would love to be a stay-at-home mother when our little girl gets here. The first skill set I learned was to maintaining a household, and what I went to school for can easily be applied to home life. It would also allay our fears of our kid going to daycare (both for price and for safety), and it isn't as if I would never see the light of day or breathe fresh air again. That's what strolls would be for. It would also relieve my husband (juuuuuust a little bit) because I would have more time in the day to tidy up or mend things in the house that need to be dealt with.
We just don't make enough money for me to remain at home where I want to be.
I have a bachelor's degree, which I earned online when my children were little. Now I work part-time in retail to pay down my student loans, and homeschool my three middle school aged boys. I'm also a military wife, with a husband that travels frequently for days on end. I really don't have time to worry about what other people think 🤷
Military wife here too! It’s even harder for us than regular stay at home moms. Because we often have no family. No people we’ve known long, and we may have a sketchy job history too!! Lol ❤️💕
Men have stigmatized women for many years by demeaning “women’s work” and “you don’t do anything all day.” I heard this from men all through the 60s and 70s. Men love to feel superior but degrading what women did drove women away from wanting to do it. Who wants to stay in something so under valued? I sure didn’t. Men have no one to blame but themselves if they don’t like it.
PIPNTISAH Men should understand the thought, I can see further because I stand on the shoulders of giants. For giants, read women. Without the input of women, where would the world, civilisation be. Which is not to demean the value of men! Don’t you all get it? Women hold up half the sky. Men hold up the other half
Many men undervalue the work involved in women’s work when they’re not the ones doing it. The second you ask these men to watch the children or pitch in with chores, it’s suddenly the hardest thing in the world.
Cidalia Martins 😂😂true
It's true that many men want the accolades of "real work" and the choice (a.k.a. power) to choose, which makes everything you say true. I'm going to argue that by calling childcare (cleaning, sending thank-you notes, all of it, and we all know what they are) "women's work," and other language, beliefs too, many women support the stigma. It's a three legged stool of devaluing women's choices, the kind of work, and the too-high value of paid work (that monetary value makes things/work valuable) that perpetuates this social system.
Separately, this is the perspective that makes it possible to be morally against abortion, but support a woman's right to choose to be a parent or not. Men still have that choice. They can buy their way out of it at least, and the system often allows them to cave on that obligation, too.
I think that it is feminists who devalue the work that stay at home mothers do, not men.
I wish the camera-person wouldn't keep cutting to show the half-asleep audience. Just show the speaker, please! I'm interested in what he has to say, even if they aren't.
DE4DF1SH it was painful seeing them roll their eyes and text
Yeah I know sadly mostly women haha.
My mom always worked, so for a long time I assumed that being a stay at home mom was a privilege of the elite who probably hired nannies and focused on looking nice for their husbands. I also assumed it was unfufilling. Who would want to do housework and raise kids all day? (I certainly didnt) When I started to meet stay at home moms though, I started to see that the work they did was vital and made their families' lives easier. Things worked well. The families had nutritious home cooked meals and were better for it.
It's not the only way to live, it may not the best way to live, but it is just as valid as both parents working, or having a stay at home dad.
Bree Bell Just. As. Valid. 👏🏻
Bree Bell I agree with majority of what you said and I think it’s awesome the change of thought that you have. I would only have to say there is a reason why it is so new and strange to see stay at home dads. Also a stay at home mom work and a mom that goes to work can not compare or be equal because they are two completely different responsibilities with completely different results.
I used to work 50 hrs a week and was miserable away from my children, and I could see & feel they missed me too (we only had 2 hours a day together before their bed time... God gave me the biggest blessing with a supportive & providing husband, we are all happier now that I’m staying home.
My mother was a stay-at-home mom and my dad works as an engineer. My mother worked as a nurse when I was younger but because I was sick a lot and my dad was always away it seemed like the right thing. She could then focus on herself and start exercising.
I am now 24 and my mom is overweight, an alcoholic and depressed. Her only purpose is taking care of the dog. We don’t have as much money as we used to so she gets her “salary” from the government. (We live in Norway.) All her friends are still working and she’s alone a-lot.
I don’t really know what my opinion is on this. I do thing women should have a choice, but if the choice is to dedicate yourself to your kids ... make sure you have a plan for when they are no longer kids.
Good advice
I got alot of passive aggressive hostility when I was raising my kids as a homeschooling mom in the 90's. It brought me to tears and I didnt know why I was being hated on by professional women. Especially in the public school system. Felt like the lowest of the low as we chose to live on one income and didnt look as if I had high "self esteem" with my un manicured nails, unfashonable hair styles or clothes ect. YET, inside, KNEW EXACTLY WHO I WAS AND WHY I WAS DOING IT. It was still rough. I read one time one of the most painful things for a woman is to be rejected by her own. Cat scratch fever baby.
I was a "stay-at-home" "homeschooling" mom. This talk really validated me. I worked so very hard but always felt as if I was second class.
I'm a single mom, so I don't have the option to be a stay-at-home mom because I have to work. However, if I had the option, I probably still wouldn't be a stay-at-home mom because it is hands down the hardest job, EVER. God bless the women who can do it, and who do it well.
I was a stay at home Mom. Being a Mom is very rewarding. Child care is expensive. why pay someone else to watch your kids unless you bring home a good paycheck.
Eileen Probus
Or why even have kids if yur planning on not raising them yourself
Don't let others choose your important decisions, if you can do it, and you feel it's important to you and your kids, then do it. You have to have a plan of support but it's ultimately your decision.
I consider myself a home manager. I love my job and I find it very satisfying.
My parents are military retired. 20+ yrs a piece!!! My mom is smaller than me, worked with torpedoes, artillery shells bigger than her, violent inmates 2-3 times her size when she was climbing the ladder and becoming a lieutenant and military officer (military police) ..... my dad raised me once he retired when i was 5 (before i was 5 i lived mostly with my aunt while they were both deployed on and off) ..... so once i started having kids and my mom was around (retired) to be a grandma .... she says everytime .... she has NO CLUE how i handle being a stay at home mom. After that, i will NEVER allow someone to put me down again for being a S.A.H.M.
I am very blessed and thankful to be able to be a SAHM! I'm not a perfect mom, but my kids know I'm always here for them. And I feel honored to take care of things at home while my husband is at work.
The real question is why we have stigmatized the stay at home dad.
VenusLove bc that’s not his role. Very odd.
@@StubbornMomDotCom exactly...
why is that not his role?
@@StubbornMomDotCom But it very much is if that's what works best for the family. Very judgmental of you.
@@StubbornMomDotCom Right on. No one seems to see the problem in this today!! It's as if this is actually celebrated and excepted even more!
And of course, you are called judgmental in this thread for speaking fact/truth. The problem couldn't be more clear: all one has to do is factor in BIOLOGY and HISTORY-not hard to see (Mammory glands for ONE on ONE bonding, not put it in a bottle for DAD to pretend and be a surrogate. How UNNATURAL.
Plus, call me crazy, but I'm sure there's definitely a heightened resentment in most of those situations; no matter how much women try really hard to deny it.
My mom was a stay at home mom and was so lazy and abusive. I am now a stay at home mom who homeschools and provides a loving and supportive home for my children. So I understand the negative opinions of stay at home moms.
Gracious as a Mother I can relate. I do not however stand by the negative opinions nor can I sympathize with people who are negative. There are TONS of lazy people in the workforce. That doesn’t necessarily mean working outside the home parents are lazy.
Natasha empathy / sympathy. ... So have sympathy for people who confuse this word with empathy - they're awfully close in meaning. Feeling sympathy means you feel sorry for someone's situation, even if you've never been there yourself. Empathy is when you truly understand and can feel what another person is going though.
I don’t think I’m sympathizing with anyone with a negative opinion about lazy stay at home moms. Just because I can understand where someone else is coming from just means I can step out of my box and my point of view and step into theirs.
She was obviously depressed.
Gracious as a Mother seems there might have been some depression or other issues going on and there are plenty of moms who are abusive and lazy who are not stay at home mom. Kudos to you for being a stay at home mom and homeschooling that is amazing!
Same. My mom stayed at home and my memory of my childhood is sitting in front of the TV and eating because that's all she wanted to do and it's all she taught me. Stay at home moms can be good or bad but should not be placed on a pedestal. The job is what you make of it and it's not hard to screw it up.
Listening to this amazing guy, while cooking, cleaning, helping my husband with a presentation for work(engineer), making appointments for well check ups for the family. Hopefully I'll be in bed 10min before midnight, no naps, no breaks, no 30min lunch. And yet some family members decided they are superior than me because now I'm JUST A LAZY stay at home mom. I graduated from college but I love to be around my kids
I tell people I'm a work-at-home mom. It confuses them enough that they ask a few questions before judging me. Living on a farm I think I've had less trouble with this stigma than most, because people do understand that farmers 'work from home'. I do think we need a lot less judging from both sides, and a lot more dialogue. Good TEDtalk!
My husband is a full time dad and homeschools our daughter! He loves it but definitely can relate with these stigmas. It’s still more socially acceptable for a mom to stay home. I can’t tell you how often people have assumed we arranged our family like this because we “had” to for one reason or another. We did it because it was right for us! I’m grateful I work and he’s a full time dad-not everyone can do that or wants to. But that doesn’t mean I think everyone else should do the same.
What a beautiful family! And good for you! :)
My mom is a homemaker and she’s one of the hardest working women that I know.
Working moms are judged equally harshly.... Why do people think its ok to insert themselves on the lives of others? If it works for you and your family, who cares?
Aside from the issue of mums, I just wanted to point out that the idea that nobody should care what you and your family does has some flaws - the truth is that we all have an impact of others and how you raise your children will have an impact on society one day and the people they come into contact with, so yes people should care (or they can just alienate your child because he/she doesn't fit in and doesn't care about anyone), but I'm not saying that the way you raise your children and live your life should be decided by others. Just that it would make the world a better place if people did consider others and society when deciding how they live their lives - it does matter, we are all connected somehow
@@thecurrentmoment My response was specific to this issue. Not meant to be over generalized. Your point is valid, but not the direction I was going.
Moms are very unappreciated. I quit my full time job when my son was 12 to stay at home and work from there. I became a work from home professional because I wanted to have closer oversight on my soon to be teenage son. I don't regret it even though I had to leave for several weeks at a time for work. Fortunately I live in a so called developing country where I could hire full time helpers. My son is 28 well adjusted and we are very close because he saw me before going to school and found me home when he returned on the school bus. A parent should be expected to and applauded for prioritizing their first responsibility which is being there for their offspring. Changing diapers doesn't last forever. Moms who choose to raise their kids full time generate economic value by raising well adjusted children who become productive fulfilled and successful adults.
I’m a SAHM in college. I feel trapped, but wouldn’t trade this time with my babies for the world. It kills me to know I’ll always be behind in my career because of gaps in my resume, but who can afford daycare? I’d work just to put the kids in daycare with no money even for gas. I love this time with my babies, but I’ll always have a gap in my resume, a gap in my social life, and a gap in who I am as a person.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed 90% of the time when people ask me what I do, and I have to say I don’t work, but rather stay home with the kids. I look forward to being more than just a mom again.
I remember watching my mom with her career and wishing she could stay at home and just spend time with us. Strangely, over the years, I forgot this. My husband felt strongly about me staying home and raising our kids rather than someone else. And that thought about my mom came to mind. And, while it's been a struggle at points (mainly with identity and redefining what that is), I grow deeper and deeper in appreciation for this precious opportunity.
Lindsay Moldenhauer yes, my identity feels so engulfed by motherhood at the moment that I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
My husband and I have 4 Daughter's and I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years and counting.
I went to college but I wanted to be home with my kids more then I wanted a career.
It was a choice my husband has cheerfully supported.
It's unfortunate that so many people have told me that "You need a job so if your husband leaves you can support your kids"🙄
I love how serving a boss or corporation is "Freedom and independence" but serving my husband and children is bowing to the patriarchy and teaching my girls that "Women only make babies".
Well said, Sherry!
I think he nailed it when he said that a woman's worth shouldn't be defined by her economic contribution. I grew up in the 70s with a mother who worked harder than my father did outside the home. It is a rotten lie sold to women that they need to find fulfillment and worth in their paycheck. My parents still believe that lie. I have a bachelor's degree but have stayed home 20 years to raise my children and start my own business in that time. But I was told by my parents that I "wasted my education." Apparently because I did not follow the false path of chasing a career that our culture tells women they must do in order to be accepted. Please, please, let's not continue that with our daughters and granddaughters.
I'm a stay(work) at home dad.
24/7 job 👊🏼😀
You go guy! 💪 That's ok too.
Stay at home moms raise some amazing human beings! Stay at home moms are far from lazy. I worked my whole life and left my career to stay at home with my child. That was my choice... don’t hate me because I have the opportunity to do this.
As a stay at home mom, I do 7 to 8 hours (spread through the day a little differently than a standard job) of domestic work per day, 7 days a week. If I sit down anywhere but a toilet or a car before dinner, it's a rarity. 🤷♀️
Molly Borden yes and I am a medical on the road social worker and have two kids who are in daycare and I haven’t had a lunch break in months and I eat while driving ... i pump breastmilk in my car while on conference calls ... I don’t get to sit down either and I don’t have the choice to stay at home or we couldn’t feed our kids or let them be in sports ...
You’re not high and mighty.
Miss Powers, you CLEARLY missed the point. This isn't a competition. I didn't get the choice to work, as care for my kids is higher than my salary, so take several seats, as you're the one that sounds high & mighty.
Miss Powers you need to chill! Her experience doesn’t negate yours! Grow up!
the guilt of leaving my chlidren when they were babies crying in nursery was so bad...i cut down to max to try n balance family life n work... n its still a challenge. big respect for all hard working mum being stay at home or bread winning..
I love raising my own children. I don't care who's mad about me taking care of my own toddler 24/7. If you think it's lazy come get her for 3 hours while trying to wash laundry ,mop floors , clean up after 3 older school age children, washing dishes, and preparing a dinner for a family of 6 .
Amen to that !!!
Stay a home Mom's ARE the MOST valuable things we have in society!!
Ok dont get carried away now
Thank you
“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” The SAHM May have a delayed economic impact but an impact nonetheless
This gave me chills.
It’s refreshing to hear a man’s view that is so realistic and empowering. Women can make their choices and working or working at home are both valid and both have VALUE. My mom worked, she had no choice. I stay at home and I stay at home, with CHOICE. My husband will support me no matter my choice. I matter.
Great talk! I grew up with a career driven working single mom, and I can tell you that it was not always fun. I'm working full time, make sure that the afternoons/ evenings/ weekends are for my kid. But if possible, I'd choose a part time job in my field. I think the world should be offering more flexible work solutions for moms and dads who enjoy working, and know the value of a present parent in the life of a child.
Somebody has to raise children. Somebody has to be there daily to teach and care for them. For me, that is what I'm passionate about. Before I had my own child, I was starting my own home day care to essentially be the "stay-at-home mom" for other moms that had other careers and passions.
I’m a homemaker. That’s my favorite job. I miss my career goals sometimes, but we only get a small window of time to guide them and love on them. I value my role has a SAHM.
The women in the audience that were shown look slightly annoyed... am I crazy?
Katy Farrell probably bored
You’re not crazy, some of them were rolling their eyes.
Katy Farrell they are to the left of the mean for sure !
I was about to write about the eye rolling. Wtf?
I thought the same lol
💗This is what I’ve done for over two decades - stay at home mom and wife - and all I’ve had is negativity from people and what a shame I wasted my degree because I don’t “ work. “ The vile ignorance is horrible and can make you feel like nothing. The government also champions and supports moms who leave their kids with childcare , to be in paid employment. A crazy world💗
Yea let's mess with something that has to do with our survival and stability as a species and society .... the mother is the most important job and should be treated as such
I'm not lazy..im tired 😩😂 I've been going at this "job" for 12 years now stop day in day out😪 But still wouldn't change my choice... most days lol
It’s not even tired .. it’s exhaustion and mentally burnout
Thought-provoking and incredibly well articulated and presented!
I know many moms in my homeschool community who'd earned multiple degrees (engineering, mathematics, nursing, humanities, etc). We are glad we went to college AND glad we had the choice to opt out of careers outside the home to raise and educate our kids. Some of us are going back to work after the kids graduate. These women are wonderful, giving, kind, creative, and hard working, and the children are turning out well. Our husbands were very engaged in our community's families. I loved being home with my kids. Now they're off to college, and I am so glad we were with them. Childhood was a short season, and we're grateful we did not miss it. Lots of memories, a close knit family, and the kids are now stable, happy, independent, adventurous young adults. I don't care what anyone thinks about my choice. My kids were my responsibility and my greatest gifts.
I love the dessert analogy for choice. That is what we really want. I want to be able to choose to stay home with my kids, and I want other women to be able to choose to continue their career if they want. I want Dads to be able to stay at home too. We need to have support for all choices - better daycare and school options for those who work, and less stigmatization and social support for those who stay home. Like Mr. Young, I want my daughter to get to choose what is best for her and her family if she has kids.
I needed to hear this. I’m very pregnant and just left work to finish out the pregnancy and raise the baby until we are settled. I even planned on returning to work when feasible. I’ve never been without a job since 15 and I’m now almost 27. But the guilt from people telling me I’m not doing enough, or I’m using my husband, etc is so strong it’s been affecting my mental health while I navigate how to process this. My husband is completely supportive especially since I cover all my bills still. I’m also taking sign language course right now to become a translator. It’s amazing that people judge this so harshly including stay at home dads but wouldn’t hesitate to choose this if they had this option themselves. It’s hard when it’s family and people you thought you were your friends. But I have to learn and I think others do too that our worth isnt based on our performance.
It is refreshing to see a man giving some validation to Moms and the contributions and sacrifices they make to their families and society! Of course I agree with there being a choice and some circumstances may justify the need, but as a whole, it would be wonderful to have SAHMs be valued and have that be the ideal family situation to be strived for. The comments about how raising other peoples children (or doing a whole host of other things that are encompassed in that role) is valued as a profession, but not doing that same job for your own children or family?! I like the title of homemaker, because even before children or after, that role is still vitally important! I have had my experience working and being a SAHM and came to the same conclusion I work just as hard but it's for the betterment of my family (not because of the monetary value alone). It would be wonderful to have more have this same understanding. Thank you so much for sharing!
Proverbs 31:10-31 clearly states that women have a huge economic impact. Some things may be different in modern times, but the principle of earning money, and managing a family, and household is timeless.
Stay at home moms are LAZY? lol oh man. That's laughable. Says people who DON'T HAVE KIDS.
Best decision in my whole life to stay home with both of my kids until kindergarten....money we can always make, but time with them is priceless ❤️
I'm a SAHM and I'm working on my PhD, but since my choices have no monetary value, I am judged by family and friends. On multiple occasions I've been asked why I don't want to contribute to society. It is disheartening to see how society values a person do to how much money they make. Respect, honor, admiration have become reserved for those who have this "show me the money" mentality.
As a SAHM you ARE already contributing more to society than any money or sheep skin can ever contribute. :) You have enormous value to the people you love, who matter. I remember hearing the same negative things from family and friends that you noted, and having the same thoughts and feelings you expressed. It can be discouraging for sure. And, it can also show you the amazing courage you have to consider this daring route less traveled. Sadly, the disheartening comments I got 20 years ago came from very shallow and materialistic people who today are stressed and maxed out, on pharma, brinking on bankruptcy, unhappy, children are distant, and parents in poor health. Choosing the meaningful and less visible route has made all the difference. I would not trade it for another road, or all their empty praise. JMO, .....Mute them out, like static on a radio. You know what is best for your and your family. Wishing you all every happiness. :)
@@wildernesssparrow1156
Thank you for your encouraging words.
illumination in motion “Contribute to society” these words used by morons who shame SAHMS
If an SAHM is doing her responsibilities to her child/children well, there is no contribution bigger for the society than that !
Stayed at home, home birthed and homeschooled them and the proof is in the pudding! All confident, thriving, successful, and happy! God bless
Children need all the love and attention. Much respect to stay at home mothers!!
Once you have a child, you heart will change and you'll automatically want to be home with your children. It gets harder and harder to leave them. Motherhood changes you.
I have been a mother since I was 18. I have been a stay a home mother since then, I then became a single parent from 23 and a stay home mother until my children turned 6. I am luckily enough to live in Australia where I was able to stay at home with my children and have subsidised educational training to earn certifications. When I wasn't working or studying, I was volunteering at my children's schools. Then I had to go to work as the volunteering I was doing at school wasn't good enough and have been working since. I didn't really have a choice as to whether I could stay home or work. I had to work. I absolutely feel that the reason our society is failing today is because our children are being raised by other people and not by their family i.e by mum or dad / grandparents etc. There is too much pressure to go to work when you are a parent although in Australia as a single parent we do have a payment up to the age of your youngest child turning 6.
after 12 years of being a very actiive and involved SAHM while working part time for my husbands company as well as furthering my own education, he had the audacity to tell me that he saw NO VALUE in being a stay at home mom. i was floored. there goes the marriage, folks. he also only wanted me to stay at home and would never support me working so go figure~ it is a weird stigma society continues to place on women while somehow simultaneously expecting them to do it all.
It makes me feel so sad to hear how SAHM are perceived so poorly. Truly. SAHM are really the best!
I am a stay at home mom. I am college educated & have had several great business opportunities. However I chose to do this because it's what my heart wants. I've tried doing a few other things on the side, mostly so other people would see me as valuable, but I always just end up feeling like it hinders what I'm really meant to be doing. Eventually I decided I'm so comfortable in my choice that I don't care what anyone else thinks of it. My husband & kids are so much happier this way & so am I. I see lots of SAHMs saying they make the sacrifice to be at home. I get what they are saying but to me it isn't a sacrifice at all. It's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I don't just take care of the kids & house either. I fill in where all the working mom's can't. I do all of the volunteer things at school & other events. I make sure other peoples kids get where they need to go when their working parents can't. I've been here to take care of ill & aging family members when they needed me & I'll continue to do so. SAHMs & working moms both do their fair share of work. It's just different work. I don't get why we can't just respect what works for each individual family instead of trying to make it a competition of who's job is harder or more relevant. Anyway great video & I am so thankful to God & my husband that I'm able to be home to raise my children! ❤
Utterly thrilled by this talk. It's about time someone stood up for us moms who are under estimated and not given enough acknowledgement for the society that we are creating by nurturing, guiding, tutoring, managing, providing, and paving the new well balanced, well synchronised and well grounded future generation. Without the effort of us SAHM the world and society would have been even more scrutinised than what it already is. No amount of money can buy love and care then what our mothers can provide. So all those SAHM well done for doing what you have done and the sacrifice that you have made for the future to come.
Well done and thank you. Incredibly, intelligently presented. I will be sharing this. Most insightful thing I have watched in a long time.
It deserves millions of views, great presentation and very well articulated
Such a beautiful and thought provoking video. I'm glad things are this are now being discussed. I was working as a Investment Banker and made a conscious choice of being with my baby boy. I don't regret it but I do believe people around me and everywhere think - oh why don't you hire a nanny!! Well, nothing and nothing in this world can replace motherly care, love and teaching and inspiring experiences that SHE can give to a kid.
I truely loved this video because I’ve been a stay at home mom for 13years. Now that I’m going to interviews and finally getting back out there. Hasn’t been that simple & I believe that ya stay at home moms get judged,looked down on. That we may be less likely to getting the job due to being a stay at home mom. I still wouldn’t change being able to be a stay at home mom. I want to be able to have been a stay at home mom but I also want to have a chance to work to the top. Build myself a life time of happiness,who knows maybe become a manager of some company. People judge to much.
Sena J yes you are less likely. Why would an employer take a risk on you when they other candidates who have been in the workforce and successfully. No hate just putting myself in their shoes... :)
At the end of the day, it's all about choice. You say you wouldn't chance your life; likewise, women who stayed in the work force will be rewarded by their choice and get better jobs and promotions.
I wrote this already; you are vastly over qualified for most employment positions. While at home, you were; head chef, chief supply officer, chief financial officer, medical technician, secretary, head of housekeeping, head administrator, entertainment/morale officer, child care specialist 24/7, head teacher, social worker....your list of mastered skill sets is daunting!!!!! Any company that hires you is doing themselves a favor!!!
@@SandraNelson063 Just try to tell that to your average corporate HR person. Unfortunately, what you have proved is that you are less biddable to becoming a cog in the profit machine. Your priorities will never be job first, family and self second. And that's when they're not even offering a job and wages that are worth being the first priority.