YOUR CHILD’S MOST ANNOYING TRAIT MAY JUST REVEAL THEIR GREATEST STRENGTHS | Josh Shipp | TEDxMarin
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- čas přidán 17. 10. 2017
- Those grating behaviors of your own child might just hint at their hidden talents. Author, Youth Empowerment Expert
Josh Shipp helps adults understand teens and teens understand themselves. He is the bestselling author of The Teen’s Guide to World Domination and Jump Ship, a global youth empowerment expert, and an acclaimed speaker. One of Inc. Magazine’s 30 under 30 successful entrepreneurs, he has appeared on MTV, Lifetime, the Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, FOX, 20/20, Good Morning America, and in the New York Times and other media. A former at-risk foster kid turned youth advocate, he is renowned for his documentary TV series (A&E) that followed his groundbreaking work with teens. His organization, Kids These Days, provides resources for parents, educators, and youth workers. He lives in Los Gatos, California.
joshshipp.com
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I was told I was smart but unfocused, I needed to stop doing so many things at once and focus on one thing at a time. Oh and no one would ever pay me to look out of a window. So I became an airline pilot.
LOVELY!!! GOOD FOR YOU! I love to hear about people who didn't conform to the norm! What a wonderful comeback! A pilot. Sweet.
That’s seriously awesome!
HA
I could use a few advices if possible. It would be much appreciated!
Yes my son is like this, just very unfocused its really hard too reign him in! Got any free tickets? 😬🤗 just kidding I refuse too fly. Last time I flew I had to get A prescription of xanex to remain calm. Last and only time, I did not enjoy first class because I was not awake the entire time, lol. So yup...
Yes my son used to take everything apart when he was small. Used to drive me crazy but today he got his degree in engineering ❤️
Me too, especially clocks. I HAD TO figure out how things were made, at two, three, four..years old. At 53 I've done alot but amounted to nothing much more than on disability...lol. Some make it, some don't or don't yet...lol
A real degree?! Oh my god! What a special child!!
Christine Seaborg ah bless... you sound great... some modern parents never stop bragging.. lol... Wishing u the best ❤️
Sarah Brennan - so true. In reality most children do not reach their parents’ expectations. Especially those who were treated like the video suggested
John Doe I haven’t watched the video yet... and I have 2 teenagers. And today’s parents do nothing but bragg..they have them doing activities every evening after school and they have to be first in everything. let kids be kids.. let them fail and get stuff wrong... it’s not the end of the world. I stopped going to toddler groups as each woman there ( according to them) their child was a genius...then they wonder why there is so much anxiety lol... I was at the school one day and a child came out to their mum and told her that they had got 85per cent.. instead of saying great.. the mother replied what happened to the other 15 per cent... your right with what you say 😀🌺
I was expelled from a very small private school, after I was diagnosed with ADHD, because I didn't fit in their mold. The principal told my mother "Kids like her can't change. She'll never change." My mother said very calmly," What do you suggest that I do? Take her out and shoot her?" I might not have set the Thames on fire, but I graduated high school, and college. I'm married with three nearly grown kids, and I'm very happy.
For the record, I think I have autism not ADHD.
I also have a kid like Lonnie 😂
Susannah Stout
Awwww that’s great, screw that principal. 😀
Wow you're boringly normal bud. Good job.
The most important things to succeed at are the ones all people must accomplish, family and parenthood. They are often overlooked since everyone has them.
i dont have kids .. but my cat sleeps most of the day... maybe he could be a pillow
jacksrandomadventures He is a space heater.
😂😂🤣
He's already actively reducing your risk of depression, what more do you want!?
David K李誠彬 I want a dog!
jacksrandomadventures omg I laughed so hard at this
Sometimes it is the very people who no one imagines anything of who do the things no one can imagine.
I love this
I needed this.
I love this comment.
much gramars
Agree
My daughter wants to know everything and often asks 'why is that?' (like a lot of kids). I often hear parents say: "you'll learn that when you're older" or "not now!".
I, on the other hand, try to explain everything to my kid, even when I'm tired.
And though she's only 6 years old, she's now smarter than most of her classmates, is a year ahead with reading and knows stuff you wouldn't think a 6-year old knows.
All because I am patient with her and try to explain it all to her. And if I don't know it, I'll ask my husband or google it.
Ditto, I was the kid that got the “you’ll learn that when you’re older”. I’m a Dad now and never hold back information. Information is their life ammunition.
I m like that with my son. He is 3 year old and I answer all his questions patiently to the bedt of my knowledge. It pushes me more to learn about things so I can explain him best possible way.
That is my son as well and we try to explain things to him to the best of our abilities. He started doing this since he was 3/4 years old. He's in kindergarten now and is reading already.
That's great, but it's not 'all because' of your marvellous parenting - you have a kid with a predisposition. We have two kids who are SO different it's unbelievable - both brought up by calm, encouraging, patient and modern parents who answer questions and take time out to 'parent'. One is like your daughter and one is the opposite.
No one noticed my talents. I was silenced...
Hope I can lead my children better.... into success.
Hi Henrik. Don't forget yourself, please, as you may need healing for this abuse of having been neglected. Time does not heal that wound, it'll only get more engraved into your being. Unless you find freedom to fly out of that cage. If you have already: congrats!!
This is so true, as a child I was obsessed with leaving my seat in first grade to help other students with their schoolwork and neglected my own. My teacher and my mother were frustrated beyond belief. But 13 years later, I am now studying to be a teacher. Annoyance to Strength!
Aamenah Khurram
Darlin, you’d make a Great Special Needs Teacher!!!!
wow I cant belive helpin others would be such a source of frustration. They should have been proud and such things should be mentioned in your certificate.
Aamenah Khurram God bless you
My son does that too. He has even taken over and lectured to the class (in grade 1). He has asperges syndrome though, so he doesn’t always follow social cues and doesn’t realize that he shouldn’t do that... mixed with his ADHD which gives him a severe lack of impulse control. He thinks he knows everything because he spends hours a day reading (and mostly scientific texts). His teacher had admitted to me that he knew more about the topic than she did and she just decided to take a seat and listen to his lecture.
They did discourage him from doing that though, so he doesn’t do it anymore, but he still helps others with their work instead of doing his own. As a result, his school work suffers, but he’s never gotten a question wrong on a test. If he reads the information once, he remembers it, so he doesn’t see the need to do worksheets.
As a parent, it’s very frustrating because he thinks he knows everything... and though he might know a lot academically, he knows little about how life works and how to interact with people in authority. He seems to think that he can run the world. His teacher this year has voiced her frustration over his ability to keep a conversation going to avoid tasks that he finds unpleasant. I’m ashamed to say that he has kept me talking for an hour or more past his bedtime on more than one occasion. His questions are often so insightful and thought provoking that it’s hard to just ignore them. I’m too intrigued by his out-of-the-box thinking and I don’t want to stifle it.
silvermoon my son does the same thing and it’s a frustration because when he helps others, he neglects his own work. So he will get very low marks on his class work (because he barely does it) but get straight A’s on tests. They have to give him low marks because he neglects his work even though he deserves high marks because he knows the material. Helping others is great, but they don’t grade you on that. We try to encourage him to do his work first and help others after he’s done.
Obviously Einstein was bored out of his mind in school!!!!
So true!!
Honestly the socisl interaction in school is the very aspect that creates stress or anxiety in some people thust isolating the child into failures
Yep I can relate school bored me to walking out at 14! Dont think I've got what he had tho Haha!
@@Openmindallthetime143 that's counterintuitive, public school socializes, it does not isolate. A home schooled student would be marginally less socially apt than a public school student
@@vaughnordakowski8774 unless they are uncomfortable with the socializing, making them push away others instead of talking in a one on one scenario.
This was perfect! I was always making weird noises and voices in class, I could never sit still, I was always cracking annoying jokes and pranks, and I was described as "annoying, weird, etc". I was told to calm down and stop being so weird.
Today, I am now a stand-up comedian hoping to become an actress. Thank you, Josh.
It's sad to think of all the people like this that society broke instead of utilizing their talents.
I realize that I get impatient with my children because I see my strengths and weaknesses in them and I want to spare them from the same difficulties in life that I have. This video is WONDERFUL as it reminds us to let our kids be themselves and not project our expectations onto them.
so what if a child is quiet, shy, has social anxiety, they don't get noticed and get left behind because they don't get into trouble, they aren't loud and they aren't annoying. What strengths will be cultivated in these quiet children if they get left behind in favour of the precocious kids?
i wish someone would talk about this :(
Sensitivity. Highly sensitive people can make excellent counsellers, advocates, sociologists, social researchers, psychologists. Unfortunately we tend to lean toward healing jobs like nursing and medicine which are highly over stimulating. Controlled spaces with fewer distractions are more helpful.
Sounds like an engineer to me!
An author, duh. Or any other countless and amazing careers for anybody who isn't necessarily "obnoxious."
Extroverts have their unique strengths. Introverts have their unique strengths. The point is that we can always help them fine tune their strengths, or at least steer them away from any feelings of shame surrounding their strengths.
Wow! My son was super hyper and talkative as a child, he was a nonstop ball of energy that could hyper-focus on several different things at the same time, for days, even weeks at a time. He drove everybody around him crazy. Today, he's approaching 33, and because he possesses, what my now husband calls, the "gift of gab" and his ability to stay focused on multiple things, he makes a lot of money buying and flipping tools. It's amazing to watch him in action now. Good for him.
Angela Lopez oh wow, my son is 8 that explains him perfectly. I am so quiet and shy but he is the complete opposite so talkative, outgoing, everyone is he's best friend. I tell him he's special because he knows how to talk to people.
That sounds like ADHD
ADHD is a hoax half the time, he sits when he's in church, at a restaurant, anytime my husband tells him to. Doctors tell half the people that because kids have no daddy and mom's Can't discipline like a father. He's a good talker like my husband and works well with his hands. My husband became the top electrician at his job in less than a year just be hands on, he has been one for 12 years. ADHD was made because most kids Don't learn we'll in a school environment sitting in one spot all day, I homeschool and my son makes so much with his hands and needs models and hands on to learn. You must not have kids, I'm guessin.
Jessica Martinez actually no, I was saying this because ADHD is a condition with ACTUAL differencrs in the brain which can impact a person in all ways of life. I was just being nice. But I don't think I should need to explain to you how ADHD exsist with acutal differences (and is a condition which makes it so people have less dopamine (a feel good chemical) receptors)). So I am sorry for your child because if he does have ADHD you could be ruining your life because you think it is a hoax.
And yes he may not have ADHD but if he does it would be your fault if he didn't get tested.
I would have given this talk a standing ovation 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Sadly, I think, most kids won’t get this kind of much needed direction in life.
Children are so underappreciated. I mean, theyre only the future of humanity. Why should be care about their future right
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and thank you for popping up on my feed at the perfect time !!!!!!
This popped up on my feed right when I started to cry because my son can't sit still or stop screaming for more than 30 seconds at a time. 😭😭😭😭
Beautiful. Those annoying traits can now be redirected. He has a lot of energy. Lots of roles want people with lots of energry.
Lauren 34567 ; “... can’t stop screaming for more than 30 seconds..”? How old is this child? Could it be a medical issue? Hoping he’s not having some kind of pain that he just doesn’t know how to vocalize yet. Of course, it could be that he just feels an emotional need for more attention. 🧐🤷🏻♀️😉
Over sensitized? Too much attention to bad behavior? Not enough kids to play with? They say to expect them to be able to pay attention for as many minutes as they are old, don't expect an attention span longer then 2 minutes from a 2yo
I think God is telling you something. 😉
Hang in there!!!
Wouldn’t it be great if all teachers noticed every child’s talent! Every child!
No. Not the teachers. The parents.
Christopher McAuley no, teachers, they are the ones that see every child in a social setting.
Then let's say Teachers and Parents. How more amazing would it be if both could boost childrens' potentiels up !
We would have to actually spend a decent amount if money on education for each teacher to have a small enough class size to make such a thing possible. I believe, however, that this would be the job of the parents.
@@nonaboccalupo7733 They cannot find their greatest asset in a class with over 30 students. The parents must find their talent.
EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT !!!! This is by far one of the best short Ted X talks I've ever listened to! I saw it in my own six children and each one of them are for filling their redirected desires! Thank you for this talk!
Wendi Farrow same here!
6 children! How unthoughtful and selfish and religious bigot to hv so many kids !
I once had a student who was always being suspended for fighting. He was never the original aggressor but he always ended the fight and was the one in trouble. He acted out in class all the time. I would do check ins with him and he would confide in me what he would deal with. Over 2 years... this kid was loved and cared for as is. He grew and flourished. He joined a wrestling team for his aggression, and was no longer getting suspended. I could tell from day 1, all this kid needed and was wanting, was love and attention.. once he got it, he started to succeed
how many kids did he save with this knowledge? my highest praise josh .thank you!
I drew all the time in class, wrote stories and played, now I work as characterdesinger, illustrator, RPG writer and author of stories.
Love it! We homeschool. Much more time for patience, and for learning what "annoying" and/or intense traits can be grown into.
I predict my toddler will be a psychologist. He likes push buttons, console people who are crying, point out colors, and has a above-age emotional word vocabulary that contrasts his regular vocabulary.
Just be careful, or his first experiments in psychology... May become you...
What an amazing talent! A genius
@@chrissmith2877 hahahahaaha
I hope you're wrong
Lautze Main - but what if I’m wrong?
I’ve heard a saying “You don’t fully understand something until you can explain it to a kid”
I love hanging out with my kids, I learn so much from them.
I’m lazy, distracted, and have an awful memory. I hate having ADD. It is what allowed me to always ask “Why?” which is a positive. I have always wanted to be a philosopher. Being in high school now realistically I would want to be an experimental psychologist.
This reminds me of my son! When he was describing Albert it reminded me of my son. He has a very high intellect but also is being diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. He yearns to be able to focus because he enjoys reading yet he cant get through a story without becoming distracted. Bless his little heart. His father is a retired USAF aerospace engineer and I see so much of that potential in my son (= I love his little annoying behind!
My most annoying traits were that I had too much energy but with no outlet. Now at 20 years old, it is a fire in me that has never died and continues to fuel my passion for life and adventure!
I was able to do this for my children, now successful adults. They are happy doing what they love and are very good at. Thank God. 👍🏼❤️
Christina Lumxdvvhqwwwwwwweww
What a Blessing!
I too utilized their individual tools and have successful happy adults. I am very proud & very Blessed.
They’re luck to have an encouraging parent in their life ❤️
Thank you for this talk. I HATE how my little brother is so lazy. I feel as though his life motto is that Paris Hilton quote “if somebody asked you to do something do it really bad so that you’ll never have to do it again.” However I have not been understanding and kind with him and this video has caused me to realize that. Thank you for your talk about understanding and patience and cultivating the best out of children. I will work harder to notice the genius in him.
My son is smart but he is behind at school in every sense, I make sure he joins in where he can but I never see his teachers do the same. One day, his teacher went through the whole class asking questions but she did not ask him.
I have tears in my eyes watching this, I hope I can update you many years later with a happy ending. ❤️🎈
I'm sincerely looking forward to one
find a different school. looks like this isn't a good fit
I have four sons. My oldest loves space and could talk about the universe for hours on end. Bored my husband. He is now studying at Stanford in aerospace engineering and eventually apply at NASA to be an astronaut. My 2nd son played videos games growing up and he is in the process of creating his own video games and will be partnering with fortnite creators soon. My 3rd son is very savvy with putting puzzles together and he's studying for his BA to work for the CIA. And My youngest loves movies and have seen so many and knows them all. He's currently in school for film making. Definitely pay attention to your kids👍🏽
So very true, this is a sign of a parent gifting their child with acknowledgement for their talents. Every child needs this acknowledgement.
I was one of those children, as well as my son. School does not define a persons intelligence for their are children who are late bloomers, (or bullied, maligned, not the teachers favourite pet etc) and excelled later on in life and have other gifts, talents that are overlooked at school. I and my son excelled after school, as we pursued studies and work that was of interest to us. The basics of school like learning to read or write or know arithmetic, history, geography, science, sport (for those who enjoy it) etc., should not be dismissed. Yet High School, one should be allowed to pursue what they are really interested in, for these years are your greatest learning years. Algebra etc, come in handy if you are hoping to pursue a career that will use it. Same applies to Biology, Science, Geography, History etc. Its quite pointless if these subjects will never be used. I learned more out of school and excelled than when in school.
This amazes me. My 4yr old son is HIGHLY annoying but also very very bright. He’s destructive. I’m at my wits end. Now I know I just need to redirect him
He sounds like me. Please just love him.
Camille Prestwidge Sounds like my three year old son! As my dad says "that boy could break an anvil!" He loves cars and as soon as he gets one he wants to take it apart, which I'll admit is annoying but he can name all the parts of a car!
Any tips on how you handle it? It's like catching lighting in a jar and incredible frustrating sometimes!!!
But God I love him!
Just goes to show the presentation does not have to be long, to be powerful. Great speech!!!!
Everyone I meet always brings up how how my son would make a great politician. Lol hedoes not hesitate to walk up to someone and strike a convo about literally anything. Today while out to lunch he talked to an old man about his crocs, how he fell in the driveway, and how Max (our golden retriever puppy) likes to play.
First time I have ever clapped after a TED talk. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Thank you Josh Shipp.
I was unique as a child but that got beaten out of me (figuratively) throughout my childhood and all the schooling I went through and I am now a forced soulless person living a robotic mechanical life that emotionally frustrates me.
A child deserves to be delighted in. He deserves to see your eyes light up when you look at him. She deserves to feel cherished, and to be unafraid to show her true nature. Our personal traits may make us annoying or difficult at times to relate to, but try we must. Because there is nothing worthwhile in life to be gained without some challenge and effort. If it comes too easily, we will end up having to manufacture our own trouble!
We should always focus on our strengths and not waste our times trying to "fix" things
Reading everyone’s success...gives me faith my daughter might not send me to the crazy house. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
After having listened to the book of Einstein's biography, I would have to say that those character traits he mention are a little leading. oh well. Main point is that he didn't struggle in school.
josh shipp is so good and puts his heart and soul into helping teens
Then my kids going to be fantastic at head butting people. I will admit that my daughter's irritating habit of describing every detail of her day (what everyone's wearing, where they sat, etc) is probably going to lead to writing in some capacity.
Everytime my daughter draws me crazy, I will remind myself... She is going to be a genius
One of my most annoying trait as a kid was to argue... not be able to accept something just because it is a social norm... my well meaning parents thought that would get me into lot of trouble as a grown up(society and marriage)... they curbed it ... now I cannot talk... though at the very depth of me I still cannot accept things because they are just social standards...has caused lot of conflicts in me !! Very nice talk... my child’s most annoying trait ... she is talkative, over jealous(her zeal makes people look at her as if she s a loony toon) and very disorganized
My kids must be reeeeeally talented :p
Love this video, great message!
Love this talk! My child has these characteristics....he is a ball of energy & I finally think I have found some releases in diving & swimming.
I remember telling my son he earn six figure as an expediter. Now he earns 6 figure as a business owner!
Makes a lot of sense. Wish adults had paid more attention to child me because it took me FAR too long to figure out what I wanted to do. Turned down med school to be a filmmaker after a quarter life crisis, and trust me when I say I am never looking back.
I wish for all kids to have their very own Mrs Wilhite 😊 This is ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC
It's never too late to become an influencer and redirector. Your move.
Steven Lovett Yes! “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” (George Eliot?)
I ask too many questions and talk to much is what my parents would say but only my parents would say that, instead everyone else would say I'm too quiet so what does that make me?
The answer is...
- A strong level of curiosity
- great social skills and speaking abilities
- An amazing listener
Unfortunately there is no one there for me...
God is there for everyone buddy , All the best For ur journey 💯
My brother always drew on our house walls. My parents always found it annoying but now he is an amazing artist who aims to be a national artist. I am proud of him.
I'd listen to you talk about anything. GREAT attention-getter at beginning, excellent content, just the right amount of humor, and SO encouraging!! One of my favorite TedTalks!
Love this talk so much!
As a parent with a child that does indeed count to 60 seconds when I say just a minute, I needed to hear this!
well thought out talk
I clapped in real life
me too
I shook my head in real life at the both of you
James Gavin This comment made my day
Me too! First time that's happened. :D
Ruchy Reichman mine? Or theres lol
The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. Just My Nature by Carol Tuttle.
Oh how lovely a talk! I've learned for sure.. I'll participate in redirecting my son's annoyance into cultivating his talent..
Lovely amazing story . Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
I think, it is intensity that bubbles so vigorously that others cant handle it, that is this talent.
It can be anything, but as long as a person hones their particular gift with passion and dedication, it will not cease to influence other people, by having them consider and interact with that particular gift. And when it rises to such an extent that it is annoying, then it means that it is beyond the normal level, and that it forces others to step out of their comfort zone to understand and interact with that level of intensity. Then this means that the person really has it in them to discover and refine that skill.
Loved it, thank you!
I love children! In my opinion there are no "bad" children.
This video changed the relationship between my children and I. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. My son at 3 years old started setting the timer on me to... We all should know this already but we forget so easily. Thank you for reminding me.
Thank you for this. As teacher and a father with 3 wonderful children, it can be hard to keep that in mind when my resources are stretched.
Josh Shipp, thank you. I wish I was cultivated instead of reprimanded. I now know what to do with my kids.
Amen!!! Great message. Sharing it to my family for my grandson who are all examples mentioned. Thanks
Can say my brothers now a electrician he spent most our child hood taking things apart to see what was inside like the remote and stuff. I was on the opposite end of the spectrum and have yet to find my beat. Absent minded, creative, and Always coming up with and getting excited about new useless Ideas.
I joke that when I find my "true love" They'd look at my idea, point, and say "I can make that happen!"
I haven't listened to this yet, but I love where this is going!
I have a feeling this is gonna be an awesome talk!
Thanks! As a mom of 4 with our 5th due in just weeks this really helps me.
Einstein was not lazy! He was extra ordinary good at school.
Amazing talk. I will look at my kids in a new way today :)
Excellent video! Thank you!
This moved me to tears ❤️
Amen to that❤️ You never know who your child may turn out to be!
This is much appreciated!
Genius 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 wonderful talk!!
This is so true. ☺
YESS! This is true!!!
This man is an inspiration.
powerful.thank-u
Absolutely amazing video and speech. I've believed this ever since Josh first mentioned the concept in his Hey Josh videos years ago. 🤩
Thank you 🙏🏽
Congrats tedx another amazing speech
Superb video. Thank you.
What a wonderful perspective!!! 👍🏻 Love 💗
This was a great one!
Great topic...... I’ve always thought of this and how many people just write the kid off as bad etc and already setting them up to fail
Excellent !!
Amen to this!
This is likely my fave TED😍😋😁👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Great video. Thanks!!!
That was so touching
Wow!!!! Very impressive!
best. ted talk. ever.
Love this!
Amazing thank you