Judgment on Mothers | Maara Fink | TEDxToledo
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- čas přidán 16. 10. 2014
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. A thoughtful professional, Maara is a career-woman and mother of four who teaches at the University of Toledo and is deeply involved in family planning initiatives. Maara would like to add acknowledgement to two sources that in the spontaneity of the program, she inadvertently failed to mention. Author Molly Smith - particularly citing Tammy Whitten who advises, “that we can stop judging one another once we are comfortable with our own lives without worrying about society's expectations” and Mommy Blogger Danielle, who confirms that “we are damaging each other - chipping away at our hearts, our self-esteem and our strength as moms.” Maara is truly appreciative of the work of these women and all the amazing moms who inspire and give strength each and every day.
A thoughtful professional, Maara is a career-woman and mother of four who teaches at the University of Toledo and is deeply involved in family planning initiatives. Maara would like to add acknowledgement to two sources that in the spontaneity of the program, she inadvertently failed to mention. Author Molly Smith - particularly citing Tammy Whitten who advises, “that we can stop judging one another once we are comfortable with our own lives without worrying about society's expectations” and Mommy Blogger Danielle, who confirms that “we are damaging each other - chipping away at our hearts, our self-esteem and our strength as moms.” Maara is truly appreciative of the work of these women and all the amazing moms who inspire and give strength each and every day.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
Listening to this made me realize how many judgments I have received and also judgments I have made, how marginalized all Mothers become and also a HUGE list of myriad ways my husband, as the Father, will never be judged.
Your hardest critics are you family members. Great video!
They are cruel and false!
Yes, my mom was like that. Instead of making me feel supported she made me feel anxious and sick of being a mom.
With all honesty. You won't know if you're emotionally ready for a baby until after, or even a few months after you have a kid. I was 20 and already had a committed partner and I wanted a kid, 9 months later I was hit hard with postpartum depression and thought the whole thing was a completely bad decision and I it was a choice I made too soon and it was a very tearful 2 months from the moment I was alone in the hospital room with my newborn. Three months she started smiling. And those happy little expressions renewed my yearning to be a mom and the crying became more manageable. I'd say I am lucky to have had such a tamely little toddler.
I'm a public school teacher & have noticed that the kids who know they are loved & have a happy mom really thrive.
Melissa
mom Melissa
Son's girlfriend with down syndrome
single mothers are a biblical plague! - Jesus
The practice of nonjudgement is the most freeing practice I have ever experienced...😊
The benefit of doubt is a free gift that we all wish to receive. 💙
My ex mother in law judged me so harshly for what I ate while breastfeeding. I remember crying because I was happily enjoying a very rare slice of pizza, and she said something behind my back to her younger son about how that's why my baby gets rashes. When you're breastfeeding you're ravenous and the pizza tasted so good, and while I was still eating it, this insult was repeated to me. This was a constant with my first child. I'm sad for young, first time mom me. 😁
I choose now to stay at home and care for my 2 year old son. It took me 2 years to allowed myself to do it. Because it's zo normal to work again after 3 months birth. If you don't work, it's weird now. I'm so gratefull, because after 51 hours in labour, me and my son almost died. I see now, to enjoy more. Either if you work or not. Choose the family life what is best for your family❤
Wow, and I thought my labor was long, 36 hours... my son almost died too. So glad we all made it
@@ashleyanastasia7779 ❤
Thank you so much. Good talk and so true. I judge other moms and I get judged by my sister, in laws husband etc.. constantly...I always think I am doing an awful job and it does make me feel better when I think others r doing worse ..and so true abt motherhoid being a thankless job. No one thanks you. I am gonna try alot harder to be more supportive of other moms.
God Bless you for this thinking
I laugh every time a previously childless woman becomes a mother and they complain about everything they once judged me for. It's the best. 😊
I love this. Having to work for our family to afford to live, i have learned since the quarantine it, that es, I can be a SAHM. I have also learned that i never want to homeschool because my brain is just not wired to do that well.
2019 here, and thank you so much for this video. I had the worst day today where my 3 year old had a tatrum at her school. I live in italy and I just let her have the tantrum and slowly tried talking to my daughter. In the meantime it was as if time stood still and everyone in the schoolyard especially the moms were judging me! some grandmothers were even angry with me for not stopping the tantrum. I just have my own way of dealing with it, i let her calmd down and than we talk and just all these people judging me and being histeric towards me didnt help the situation at all. i am at my all time low, my daughter is doing fine. But tomorrow i have to bring her to school and i have this cripeling anxiety:(....why do women do this to eachother...every child has a tantrum , but due all the looks and advice of people i start question myself...eventough i know i am a good mother and there is noting wrong with my child!
Like you said! All children have tantrums. And what works for one child doesn't work for the next one. You were right to do what was best for your child despite the onlookers.
It's sad. My child acts up in school. I try my best and that's how I look at it I just walk in the school strong with a smile even if I am being judged. Then he is a boy. Which I am a single mom. Just keep trying you doing a good job as long as you are doing that.
There are so many things parents get judged on! I will definitely think about ways I can be less judgmental toward how others raise their children. Also, I'm glad to know that there are educated women like you speaking up for all kinds of mothers and parenting styles. Thank you!
Really enjoyed and appreciated words. Thanks so much for sharing.
Honestly, I just want to see parents trying. The only thing that irks me is the parents who don't even try to correct their kid's undesirable behavior. If your kid is having a raging meltdown that you're failing to control, but you're trying, that's all that can be asked of you.
E T agreed anyone who has played sports, or done anything creative knows that judgement and critics is apart of improving...
The unpaid job we care about most And Yeah the free flowing judgement by your parents/your babie’s grandparents. She nails the ridiculous US idea that we must be the best. We can not all be the Best at everything.
This was good. Thank you! I need to listen to this at least once a week
I think moms judge moms not because we want to be the best, although I agree with everything else in this Talk, but because we love our kids so much and if we see decisions or behavior from another mom that we disagree with, it makes our heart wrench for the kid(s) and we think they may not be mothered as well as we could do... I think it's because we think of the kids and think that we could do the better job. Don;t get me wrong, I do not think this is right but I do think this is the base primal reason, not that we just want to be goddess-all-amazing-the-best-moms, but because our hearts explode with love when having a child, that we irrationally want to love them all.
I loved this talk so much!
Currently dealing with the MIL, FIL, and on occasion my own mother's judgement.
In our community it is pretty common for social services to be called on for the smallest thing.
Move. My mother refused to move to the bigger city, right next to ours, because they simply had the practice of taking kids no matter why social services was called. She has always been a good mother and wanted to be able to raise us as a divorced parent instead of being judged.
I loved it!!
yeah and also all the people that judge you because you don't have kids and if you are not married that are constantly saying that having children is the best thing that ever happened to them, blabla so annoying, we get judged about technically everything..
YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE KIDS OR MARRY. Do not fall for the hype. It's harder than anyone thinks. And it changes everything. Not a necessity, worry not.
Karen Aguilar I'm still waiting for that ted talk...
Me encantaria que pudiera traer subtitulos para los que no sabemos ingles
None of that ever happened to me, or I just didn't notice or give it any energy because those judgments apparently meant nothing to me.
I loved this because it's so true.
Hi Mom
Yeah Hi Mom
the things this women is worried about being judged about are genuine concerns that speaks volumes of her & her integrity as a [mother. shes reaching
You just need to block them out. Not everyone’s home/family runs the same 🤷🏻♀️
seems like this lady really really cares about what others think LOOL...
Okay. I'm a mom, and I understand the sentiments here. But how rational are they? There's a HUGE difference between judging a PERSON and judging the ACTIONS. We have an entire legal system based on this tenet. If someone judges me as a person for my kid acting up, that's wrong. They don't know anything about me. That said, if they judge my behavior in response to my kid acting up, then that's FINE. Listen ladies - THAT. IS. FINE. If someone tells you "you're a bad mom and a bad person" that's WRONG. If someone says " I think you could maybe try X tactic next time, it may help" IS FINE.
Also, I don't really understand why people get married without talking about such an enormous topic as children, though. Like a brief convo before marriage just doesn't cut it.
Hey not only the people judges you! You qre judged by your own mo about how you raise your children. The ones that are supposed to love you and not judge you
Lol had kids bc her friends were. Follow the crowd. Fall into pressure. Learn your body, your cycle. Use careful measures to not bring someone you're not ready for.
Her first kid.
Literally some of her comments were judging stay at home moms.
Women harshly judging women is nothing new, and happens well before motherhood.
Honestly...i think she took some things as insults that wernt. I tend to be oversensitive too.
An entire speech devoted to data collected how exactly?
That's a subtle way to describe an accident.
I’m her child what are you saying?
Why does she care so much about what others think? Screw the judgements, live your life. Pathetic.
Insecurities. Then they let their guard down and open themselves for all bigotry. Did they find anything about women. Mother is the cause to be. The Mainsail developing a new being. She brought new life into the world. It's so people will Nick pick whether or not the blood mixes forgetting that there is blood in the uterus, and the point of reproduction is to make a new heart and blood based on Parental DNA. She still maintains the functions of it. Well the father is completely disconnected from her creation. He has to pay for her actions. So this is womb Envy. Then people feel the need to try to control the woman and make her feel guilty or something. She's not guilty of anything. She can just merely do what room in vain men can't. Sadly though, mothers get this backlash of misogyny from other women.
It seems u are very selfish. All you discussed is how you were judged and how it made u feel. What about your kids? You say when you asked your order kid what he would've changed about his childhood he wanted to spend more time with you. Maybe u should've spent less time worrying about what others thought and more time thinking about your child and their needs. Your judged by others Because my kids and yours quick live together in the future
If you see the talk to the end it is what she is saying....
No...she's not selfish, nor is she complaining. She's connecting experiences that a lot of women feel. She made this TED talk as an effort to change the culture of judging mothers.
Hahaha talking about judging mothers.
I think the fact that you felt the need to comment this was exactly why she felt the need to talk about it. Talking about feeling judged doesn't mean she doesn't want what's best for her kids.
ghostfifth do you have a problem with women having kids?