Drowning in Empathy: The Cost of Vicarious Trauma | Amy Cunningham | TEDxSanAntonio
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- čas přidán 14. 04. 2016
- Caregivers and emergency responders are empathetic individuals who risk suffering from Compassion Fatigue, a form of PTSD that is treatable using the steps described in Amy’s presentation.
Amy Cunningham has spent twelve years working with non-profits and mental health organizations, focused on assisting adolescents in overcoming
trauma and redefining their lives. In 2011, she developed the Compassion Fatigue training program for the Center for Health Care Services, Bexar County’s community mental health agency. She currently serves as a talent management consultant for CHRISTUS Health and leads a team dedicated to
the implementation and planning of all leadership development programs. Amy
pioneered the development of Compassion Fatigue training for CHRISTUS and
has had the honor of training over 3000 people across the nation.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I was an unpaid therapist my entire childhood for my mom, was recently diagnosed with CPTSD.
That was me..
i honestly feel like this is my issue...but idk too much about it and i dont want to self diagnose. i hope you've gotten better or at least better than before💛
oh my god
Omg, ME TOO!!!!
you are not alone, parents who struggle tend to put off their struggle onto their kids. stay strong and build healthy boundaries
When i was young, and in therapy, i used to be so afraid of telling my therapist everything bc she always looked so tired and stressed.
I was 12 and already knew how she felt bc my drunk abusive mom used to leave me tired, defeated and sad.
I'm sorry.
"We begin justify the negative behaviours because of the positive things we do." 🙌💯
Kristina King I "justify" BAD EATING PATTERNS......like the pint of ice cream I indulged in last night, or come home and have a glass of wine. Those things are not bad, in and of themselves, when done in moderation. But, sometimes I over "do" it with the "comfort food" eating. Put on extra weight. I need to find other ways to
"de-sress," but HATE exercising......LOL. But, I am working on changing that.😍❤👍
This is probably the realest video I’ve seen in a minute. Shout out to my healing brothers and sisters. We need to look out for one another
People who find themselves in a relationship with very narcissistic people suffer greatly, not just from over-giving and lack of self care, but also devaluation and abuse. Deep down they know that if they do begin to care for themselves, the relationship will end. It is a catch-22 - they hate their life with the narcissist, yet they are stuck craving the love they deserve and need - the (fake/pretend) love shown to them in the grooming stage by the man or woman of their dreams. They do not realise that no matter how hard they try, the narcissist will do little more than throw a few crumbs of kindness their way now and again to stop them leaving for good.
MsGuard3 I've read a lot on narcissism and your succinct description is like gold. Well said.
MsGuard3 beautifully written and explains that dynamic perfectly. spend 10 yrs living with one and i couldnt have explained it better myself :) thank yoj
My ex wife
MsGuard3 perfectly put into words. This is Exactly what happens.
Again interesting to mention this on this unrelated topic..the people in positions of help and authority at the Center for Healthcare Services claimed to no nothing of this or any other dynamic of narcissistic abuse..
This makes me ill
I'm a support worker in the school system the things students have told me day after day effects me. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about these kids. I worry way more about other people's kids than I do my own. Because I know mine are home safe and not actively being hurt. Sometimes I feel like a sponge for pain, sadness, and fear. I need to learn how to let go of it so I can help other kids.
Monkey Beak, I hear you, but we need to still give our own kids our attention. I am an educator too and I often wonder if I spend too much time, energy and thought on my work and not enough on my own kid. I know I am frequently guilty of not putting on my “own mask first” and need to put myself first or I am useless to those I care about.
I've had multiple friends who've suffered with anxiety and depression at some point. This made me realize that while I gave my all in terms of making sure they were okay, I have never taken the time to care for myself in the same way. Thank you for reminding me that I need to feel whole before I can give others what they need.
Trauma can accumulate. Thanks for illustrating it in its more subtle forms.
I just started a new job as an animal care specialist at a busy shelter that also offers health services. On my 3rd day new on the job, I had to quickly learn and deal with taking an old dog from an owner's reluctant arms to be euthanized, taking dead dog bodies to the morgue , a bunny that bled over my arms as it was dying, and then immediately jump back to other stuff after as we were extremely busy. I was so overwhelmed, so much in one day to take in I had a panic attack at work and lost control. I'm terrified of compassion fatigue and I know I want to be in animal care, but I want to be able to handle it and learn and grow stronger, too, to help those who can't speak for themselves. Thank you for highlighting this issue, it means a lot.
Maybe you could work with animals in another way, like an animal daycare. ♥️
We don't THINK we're superhuman, we're EXPECTED to be superhuman and try to meet the expectation. We are NOT supported, acknowledged, loved for our effort that demands so much compassion that it's killing us. Instead, we're told there must be something wrong with us, that we must be flawed because we're not resilient enough and that mental health issues are not genuinely debilitating.
Meanwhile, the people who judge us are the very ones that pay us to care so they WON'T have to.
coda creator My "biggest complaint" is when I NEED EMOTIONAL UNDERSTANDING by others, I "rarely get it." I try and treat others "how I would like to be treated," but I find most people today....unless they are "empaths," NOT to be very helpful, understanding or kind. That's what really hurts. I am a private duty caregiver, and can pick and choose the clients I work with. I WILL NOT work with ANYONE anymore who is "abusive" in any way, violent or grossly unkind. I have good clients at the moment. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!!! I agree....otherwise, you will get caregiver "burnout."
People just don't know that to care for someone is really hard. And some ppl just , i know you have a good heart and just continue supporting them. Yes ofc I will, but having a sentimental heart is sometimes too much to handle !
And to add to it? Wen you have your own trauma in the background/childhood pain which extends into adulthood, and you're a bleeding heart empath, highly sensitive empath nurse, and you have no support in the family.
Trauma prayer by Jim banks
That’s me. Total empath. If someone that I love needs help, no matter how bad they have treated me, I will run for miles to save them. And it has crushed my family because they just don’t understand how I can forgive/forget. It’s the worst feeling ever. Stuck between a rock and a hard place just because my heart is way too big and nobody can understand why after all that I’ve been through.
I´m sorry
@@samanthablaine5038 I can totally relate. This is exactly me. Hugs!
It sucks. I study psychopathy hoping to relieve the overwhelming empathy I feel which simply causes me to withdraw.
Extreme empathy is like the opposite of extreme narcissism. As much as the two are like oil and water and loathe each others existence it turns out a balance of both is necessary for a person to be balanced and healthy. You have to develop a empathy switch and learn when to turn it on and off, as well as a self-care switch and when to turn that on and off as well. The problem is when some people mash the buttons on one of the switches and never use the other -- it's easy to do so it becomes habitual. To be a healthy individual as well as a healthy member of a family, community, workplace, whichever it may be, you can't neglect one over the other. Sometimes all this rhetoric of "you work yourself to the bone and care so much. Your like a superhero. Take some time off, pat yourself on the back, do what you want" can be dangerous because you unintentionally teach someone who's overburdened to be dysfunctional, antisocial, or selfish to the point of it being harmful to themselves and/or their profession. This can be just as harmful as ignoring and marginalizing them, teaching them to instead become a nervous wreck and broken down human puddle - -a total mess. Develop a internal barometer, one that can tell if your too caring or too self centered. Only you can know yourself and whats really going on with you. 99% of bystanders are poor judges of where your really at and what direction you need to be moving in so you have to be responsible for yourself and learn to be emotionally intelligent.
You talk of being "balanced and healthy". Hmmm. I'm reminded of this wise quote --
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” (A quote commonly attributed to Jiddu Krishnmurti, but may in fact be from another person.)
I think this is what happened to my Dad’s hospice nurse. She was amazing and the VA funded her for the last 8 months of my Dad’s life. We noticed near the end that other hospice nurses were sometimes coming instead of her and after he died we found out that she no longer worked for the hospice since she had “burned out” after many years in the job,. She moved in to a different type of nursing,
We were very touched that she kept coming even though she no longer worked at the hospice, but sad that such an amazing hospice nurse had left the field.
Kudos to the VA for funding hospice for so long-I have never heard of anyone else getting that length of hospice care. It made a huge difference for my Dad and our family.
Thank you. I sent this to parents to help them understand the illnesses of family members. Parents don't believe anyone outside the military can have these illnesses and need help to recover or even be disabled by PTSD and not be military.
the overly vigilant thing is real, and the memories that don't go away are my biggest concern of going deeper into the work I want to do ~~
She's spot on with the fear people in children's court experience. My mum's partner was a criminal lawyer and suffers flashbacks and nightmares. It's very sad.
I was studying on the other side of the world and I spent three months of my life looking after my roommate who was actively suicidal and psychotic and self harming. It has now been nearly two years and I have been through therapy for PTSD and felt like a fraud because I was never at risk from harm. But I still see her hurting herself. I still see the red marks on her skin from where she cut herself. I still become convinced she is going to kill herself and it will be all my fault. This has helped me to come to terms with my own PTSD. Thank you very much
sending you a hug:(
I am a nuses aide and my body is shutting down I can't sleep I have pain all over and I fall I drop stuff I can't remember anything and I can't take stress at all anymore I think I really needed to hear this
none business You need to get another job NOW! Let someone else take over for a while. If you can’t concentrate at your job, serious mistakes will be made and real suffering will be the result. It won’t just be your excess empathy. People could be injured or die. Get out now!
Hello. I hope you are well. I hope you have found some time to care for your self and your needs physically emotionally and spiritually.
You need to smoke weed . thats what helped me
I don't know what you are going to do IE:(
This happened to me when trying to help a friend in an extremely abusive relationship who had also been abused as a child. Everything she told me was horrifying and now i see that i was completely unequipped to help her deal with something so serious on my own. I was in university for psychology at the time so i stupidly thought that meant i could handle it lol. She unfortunately ended up committing suicide as well so i feel so much guilt for not being enough to save her. I already have depression and anxiety and now i have very strong reactions to anything that reminds me of her situation at all. I dont know how to fix it, I'm genuinely terrified that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. If anyone has any advice I'm open to just about anything at this point lol
You did what you could and her death is not on you. It is not your fault. I know things are even harder with the virus right now but I urge you to seek therapy. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you can start healing soon.
@@haileyf6257 thank you❤
My life partner is living under abuse and this is my worst fear. Can I just say that I am so proud of you for being here? Not this comments section, this planet.
I agree wholeheartedly with Hailey, this was not your fault at all, experts at the top of their fields still lose people sometimes, and you never should have needed to be in that position in the first place.
But I know that, despite it being misplaced, you have tremendous, oftentimes crushing guilt for this loss, and on the days that you can't convince yourself this wasn't your fault, I want you to be proud of being alive. I understand survivor's guilt all too well but you know that she would want you to keep living, you know she would be devastated if her death resulted in your own, and you know she would be so proud of you for continuing to live.
Honey please treat youself as a friend who’s going through all of this, what would you do for her?
+ read (The body keeps the score), go easy on yourself because you are worth it more than you think.
What would you do if someone tried with all the kindness they have to help someone who decided to leave, that’s not your fault it’s was not you who left your hand you would never do so, please let go of the guilt you hold, it’s okay to mourn who decided for themselves to leave. two last thing (Man’s search for meaning )to read & journaling the tought stuff
im suprised because oxygen mask example always comes to my mind when i need to handle a lot of stuff in a day starting immediately after i get up from bed. sometimes i stop and say the exact thing to myself "i need to put on my oxgen mask first" and then make myself a good cup of coffee before i start to take care about my pets and other stuff. I thank this lady for validating me :) sometimes when you spare time for yourself before others in demand, you get to feel kind of selfish, but thats not true. we shouldnt be harsh on ourselves, because we know we will continue caring for others, but we must be in the right mood and feeling for that to get started in the first place.
I really like this, as a counselor it makes sense to me
i found out about vicarious trauma today, just a few minutes ago. I knew the pain i was feeling for last 1 year, were not mine. now i know. thank you
Been there myself! 😐 And to those who read this... stay strong! And keep the faith 🙏
Been trying to help a friend and it has taken over every aspect of my life, that is why I am here watching this video. My emotions have totally changed. I have been giving it all I can, even sacrificing my work or projects sometimes and it's starting to take a toll. I can't ask for a break coz that will make her feel that I am leaving her too, so I am caught in a dilemma.
That was really really good. Thank you.
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS ISSUE TO LIGHT!!! 💜
I almost started crying listening to this. I really, really, needed to hear this. I'm gonna start figuring this all out.
"Post-Traumatic Growth"
Hearing that in itself melted away so much for me💙
Thank you=)
This is so ingrained in every aspect of life... a co-dependant existence. All the things taken for granted. Good stuff.
This hits on so many levels
To all the service workers that work in the PICU and Hemonc..
Thank you.. truly...
If it wasn’t for people like you my kid wouldn’t be alive today.. it is you that made the difference.. so when you feel like quitting.. think back to all the successes as well.. what you do is important for a reason
Thanks for all what you presented. it is very interesting and useful for me and for my family as I and my family was fallen with huge trauma
Such a clear and intelligent illustrated summary of this issue, especially the self-entitlement effect. Thank you. Such cute kids, btw 😀
Yes! I am in the "helping professions" and have felt myself change over the years, incrementally, certainly, definitely, and it makes me so sad, it's really taken so much life from me. I want to revert to the beautiful, joyful, confident, caring person I was before! I'm glad to have found some help.
Excellent talk thank you! You are a brilliant speaker and explained this very important topic so well. ❤️
I read about a very disturbing murder case that happened to a young teen girl and now i can't stop thinking about it. I can't breathe, I hate being alone with my thoughts and it hurts really bad internally and I don't don't know what to do. Especially at night. I don't knownof this counts, but I'm an empath and this story if this girl makes me panic similar to ptsd. I've dealt with it for almost 3 months and it's making me feel extremely depressed and I hate living like this thinking about it. I wish there was a memory eraser.
Hi Fellow empath here. Start watching a lot of cheerful, interesting NDE Near death experiences in CZcams videos. And read the book called STILL RIGHT HERE by Suzanne GEISMANN. And the book called EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT, by Betty Eadie. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
That girl is not "dead," not even for a second. She's okay. And probably reincarnated into an adorable little girl baby body by now. ♥️
@debbie debbie Thank you for being so helpful and kind. 2 years later, I am doing a lot better. It comes to mind sometimes still, but I have gotten really good on not fixating on it. I truly believe in reincarnation as well, and that has been great for me. It's nice to see someone else who believes too.
I love this! The presentation, delivery, and message are impactful. What a great job!
Stellar video!
My goodness, I wish I could have every Narc in my family watch this 10 times in a row!
Interesting n informative talk. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
This was amazing. Thank you! The last part really touched me.
Professionally curated and educational one, so helpful for mentors and all people working in the helping industry
Insightful, intelligent and well thought out. Amy Cunningham is truly a world class presenter. I hope she speaks again soon in my neck of the woods. I would definitely pay to hear her insights on other topics. Her wisdom is undeniable.
Well said!!! Thanks!!!
Wow. I am a nurse and that was an eye opener for me!
Sending love to all you empathetic humans out there! Take care of yourself gorgeous! ;)
Thank you love
Thank you. Love right back atcha!❤️🤗
Brilliant speaker! Thank you
Fantastic message, Fantastic delivery
This is great:: I'd also like to hear more about non-work related vicarious trauma/compassion fatigue
Having a relationship with a person with narcissism or a person on the autism spectrum will result in vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue.
As Vita de Boheme said, "One drowning person can not save another." And in this modern world, not only are we all drowning, we are cooperating in our slow and horrible demise by actively seeking out the negativity in the world. We wrap it around ourselves like some perverse comforter; have you noticed how often the "news" feed to us by the media? "The Sad Ending of...", " You'll be shocked at how she looks now...", etc. It is bad enough that there is pain and suffering in the world, but we willingly, even eagerly consume it, gobbling it like gorging on popcorn while watching a movie. And all of this negativity eats away at us, like a slow, time release corrosive substance. Add that on top of the traumas that actually happen to us, well no wonder everyone is teetering on the edge of despair.
Amazingly accurate and well worded. Like I tell my kids looking for darkness is easy but it’s cost is hard. I came to this from my own morbid/macabre thoughts and nagging curiosity towards… and reflecting over my 39 years and how has it served me for better or worse. I want them to have the option to choose a better balance for themselves.
Very well done.
Thank you for sharing 💗
This is beautiful, thank you
We're not just "superheroes" when we "think we are okay"......it's the ego! It's the pride. We need HELP!!!
Thank you!
Great topic and speech. But I would love to hear about this problem also in other life's sferes, i.e. not how it relates only to job, but also how this ,illness" changes our behavior and ourselves, what consequences it has when we experience it from family or relations traumas. It would be interesting and also helpful if she mentioned it too, not just from job's experience.
outstanding presentation
What an extraordinary woman!
Amazing!!!!! I have already shared this video!
This was great taking my 10 minutes!
Im currently caring for my very elderly mother and my nephew, a victim of child abuse. I travel between them.
I dont exist anymore.
But the help is needed now. So I'm doing it now.
My nephew has had remarkable success with the sgb injection.
In the UK, the Pain Spa in Bristol. 2k a pop but oh my goodness me, how much better is he!?!
Absolutely true, clear, and helpful! As a holistic health healer I can attest to compassion fatigue and over empathy. Thank you. Well presented. You gave us much food for thought and digestion.
Thank you!😊
This is very good but compassion fatigue extends, work wise, beyond the caring professions. Anthropologists experience it, through prolonged empathetic listening to and documenting of traumatic lived experience.
PS Shoot!!! "Compassion fatigue." How about just being a human being.....PERIOD.......living on this Planet Earth in such STRESSFUL TIMES......just watching the news at night, and being concerned about fellow humans can cause compassion fatigue. Bracing now in Florida for Hurricane Dorian. I think I will be okay where I live, but I KNOW......someone is going to get hit "real bad" from this......no matter where it is........lives lost, homes lost, people displaced.......animals killed, wildlife and babies "scared".......As an Empath myself......I am NEVER just concerned or cry for myself........I CRY DAILY FOR HUMANITY!!! I feel the "worst" for the young, the elderly and the ANIMALS who are "most defenseless." I take care of people with Alzheimer's who don't even know their own name anymore sometimes.
VERY SAD WORLD INDEED. I think the WHOLE WORLD is suffering from "compassion fatigue" at the moment.......😢😂😢😂😢😂😢😂🤢
My College course brought me here. I have been at my job that I did not like for 12 yrs. I do believe I have trauma from that & would be affected for long time.
When she said that if you are in your job and it's fine and then later on, even though the circumstances have been changed. You feel that you don't have the resources. You need to succeed and you're under appreciated.... There's a third alternative that she did not explore, which is that maybe at first. You were overly optimistic that you had the tools needed. And maybe you thought you were appreciated. But more as time went on, you realized you were just being overly optimistic.
Well said!!!
It is true and very interesting what you're saying. The person does not have to be a professional to suffer from compassion fatigue though. I was diagnosed as an empath and I've been suffering from compassion fatigue my whole life. Through these videos I have been healing slowly, but never completely. As long as there are humans and animals, we always have a job to do.
Sugar Free I AGREE WITH YOU 1000% That has been "MY PROBLEM" as well. Glad to finally have a name for it. I think the key to really "healing," though, and I am getting some healing finally at age 60 years of age is to learn how to "have compassion in a more detached way." A LOT of us empaths.......this has been true for me.......gave love in order to "receive love" as children. At least in my home, it seemed the only way I GOT LOVE was I had to "lay down myself and ABSORB" my family's TOXIC behavior and TROUBLES, and of course, then did I go out and justified my own poor "coping skills". Since I was a child, and didn't know any better, I grew up "buying this LIE." I took on a LOT OF BURDENS that really weren't there for me to SHOULDER. If you can FORGIVE THE PAST, and moving forward......listen to others.....but, don't "TAKE IT ON SO DEEPLY," and you will feel "LIGHTER" than you have in the past. As a private duty caregiver, I am around SADNESS and DEATH CONSTANTLY. People in emotional and physical pain. I have "FINALLY LEARNED" how to show love and EMPATHY......HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT IN MY POWER TO HEAL, FIX, OR CHANGE THEIR SITUATION.........in most cases. I help as much as "I am able." However, after that.....I LEAVE IT IN OUR CREATOR'S HANDS. Each person must "BEAR THEIR OWN BURDENS" in this life.....unfortunately.
Peace and healing to you. Shalom. 😍❤👍
@@commonsenselucy5697 - nice to see a believer here! Your insight was helpful to me
Sometimes it's understandable that people want to reward themselves for doing something difficult or stressful. Justifying negative behaviour which harms others just because you did something good prior to that is twisted. But sometimes letting your hair down and being a bit naughtier or more wreckless than you'd usually be (in a way which doesn't harm others) is a healthy thing i think.
please tell me this includes foster care caseworkers.😔
This includes all people in a caring position. It applies to everyone who mainly takes care of ofthers.
Dee Jay. You rock. This also includes preschool disabilities teachers. I would do it all over again
Well said.
I am a regular post grad student and i feel those things.
One of the best ted talks out there
I need this!
I'm going through this. God would never hold back secrets like this and treat me this way. I'm pained and saddened and confused
bravo!
San Antonio represent!
Wow!!! so this is what has really been going on with me :(
You may like to consider Help for the helper. Author Babette Rothschild
Compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma is so very real.
Well , when you start working in trauma , you do not know what is coming . So you can not say that is no more okay, because it is new and unknown. As a foster parent i do not feel the badge thing , but i do have a low tolerance now because of my medical condition (caregiver fatique) . I love this talk but how are symptoms self entitlement. These people are drowning .
The system is broken....
I thought that my overactive empathy was just on account that I’m autistic. This is super helpful.
@ Captain Ford : Thank you for writing this.
One thing that has compassion fatigue is working at an animal shelter. I had to leave, it was consuming me. I still can't drive past it, triggers still...
I started to hate people,.a lot...
www.huffingtonpost.com/cindy-wigglesworth/empathy_b_2796460.html for further reading on the differences between apathy, sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Especially of interest is the realization that empathy precedes compassion.
My father had cptsd, but my older siblings couldn't explain or help me understand it. So I made it my life purpose to understand it, but I stilk feel the effects of it.
I taught kindergarten. Much of the time I felt like I had nothing left to give.
The pandemic and the racial violence that’s happening has caused me to experience compassion fatigue. It’s hard to function. I’m really depressed. I live alone. Not good. So I’m going to stay with a friend for a while.
A lot of "professionals are the perpetrators they are the ones that work real hard at maintaining an image in church or in the community as being flawless however at home behinds closed doors become a monster and you are are forced into silence or discredited by being put in a hospital for a mental evaluation , handed a dry cheese sandwich, an apple and 6 ounces of milk to drink. If it weren't so devastating I could see it in a cartoon and even laugh a little.
I think it depends upon whether you get paid for your empathy or not. For me, my non-profit volunteer work 6 days a week is the only reason I get up every morning. It gives me juice or positive energy. I do it because I love people. Perhaps it's all about motive.
I agree with your perspective. I was a volunteer EMT... Everything was great but it was a short lived experience, only about 2 years. Then I got the job full time. All went well for many, many years until I changed venues, went to the BIG city fire dept. I can not tell you in this tiny space, how bad that was because I failed to admit openly ( to a doctor or in-house medical officer) that I had symptoms of PTSD and burn out. It festered in me like bacteria in a closed wound. I never did anything to anyone else but I certainly took it out on myself. I've been retired from that career for 6 years and still can not get my mind and body back right. My own fault. Monday, I go for the first counseling session I've had in years. I'm terrified that the therapist will want to start from the beginning and all I really want to fix is my broken children. They are all adults with families of their own...many as broken as was their own childhoods in a single parent home. I don't care about healing myself because I never have in the past, that's why I'm the wreak I am today. I just want to know how I can help THEM, recover from ME.
@@gigiquillian4776 Your "assessment" of your situation is certainly UNDERSTANDABLE. However, may I point out to you that if you had concentrated on "healing you" FIRST......maybe your children would be LESS "broken????" The NOTION that "any one of us" can "FIX OR HEAL" another is your FIRST AND BIGGEST MISTAKE. I have spent a LIFETIME trying to "DO JUST THAT".....and VERY UNSUCCESSFULLY!!! This year, I FINALLY WOKE UP to that truth!!! It was a rather "painful lesson" of course. We ALL seem to learn the hard way. But, after trying to "fix, heal and CHANGE" my ex-boyfriend, and ending up in "FINANCIAL, EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL BURNOUT," I finally WAVED THE WHITE FLAG OF SURRENDER!!! Honey, each person must "find their own way." LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, BE THERE FOR THEM, AND LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN MISTAKES AS THEY WILL. IN THE MEANTIME, YOU GET "YOU RIGHT"........and maybe then healing can BEGIN!!! Peace and prayers to you!!! Shalom!!!😍🙌👍❤👀
Yes you are very insightful. There is however a broad gap between hearing about someone else's traumatic events and having lived them. Its hard to listen to and even harder to have lived. That is why I can't talk about it. I know it would be hard to hear. I don't want to put that on anybody. Some may not even believe me because it was so aggregious. I started to open up to a lady one time and she asked if I was sure it wasn't my imagination at work. Needless to say that ended all hope that someone might be able to understand. So I live with night terrors. I have been socially isolated for years never "fitting in". I have no control over my brain when it sees or hears a trigger and my brain stops, remembers, then tries to process but gets stuck in the filter because it don't know what to do with the memories either. It just knows it hurts real bad and I will do or take anything to stop the pain and confusion.
Please try and seek more help, I'm really sorry that someone who you had opened up to implied that you were imagining things, I cant imagine how invalidating that must have felt. You shouldn't have to live with feeling like you do, there are people out there who can help, who wont judge. Don't give up hope. It may be difficult for some people to deal with hearing traumatic events. However professionals (therapists) are trained specifically to be able to handle difficult/traumatic things and help guide you through recovery. So please do not feel like you can not open up.
Having lived through your own trauma actually makes you way more susceptible to vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue, because you can personally identify with the feelings of pain and suffering of the person you're providing service to... almost to the point of over-identifying if you have not been engaging in adequate rest and self care.
Miss Rhonda, thank you for using your real name. (I do too because I have nothing to hide and I have no cute "point" to make.). It, your name, gives us a real person to include in our prayers. Your story of not being able to share, not being able to integrate with others, all sounds like my story. There is too much to say, too much awful history, and no one able to sit and listen to it with out being side tracked by all the craziness of the story. They realize they are being damaged just by listening to the first 10 minutes of my story...and yours too I guess. The Bible tells us not to cast our pearls before swine. That means you must be VERY selective of whom you share your story. You can lose more friends than you have to lose and those who don't completely go away will think you are crazy. Be selective and keep it between a professional and yourself unless your friend or family have proven themselves worthy of your story. That's what I've had to do and social isolation has helped because, as you can tell, I'm a talker. It is definitely lonely but I can then be selective of whom I share myself with. I pray you have or will consider a church or other place of God centered worship, and really absorb what prayer and the companionship of Good centered people can offer. Do that 10 minute, love yourself thing Miss Amy spoke of...or 20 minutes. Who's counting and besides the hardened on stuff takes longer to soften up. Love, gq
@@stuartbaron7437 "Listening without OWNING." YES!!! This is what I am finally learning now also. Only took me 60 years to come to this new way of living. But, it's very necessary, and making my work as a caregiver and friend easier and lighter on me. I also have had many "traumatic experiences" that help me to put myself in someone else's shoes. It can be good and bad.....empathy is good, but we have to set "healthy boundaries" for ourselves as well or we will experience what this lady calls "compassion fatigue." Thank you for sharing.
Rhonda Nelson You can’t worry about harming the person you seek help from-that is their job to make sure they take care of themselves. You deserve the help you seek.
God knows the people who work at the Center for Healthcare Services Bexar County surely fit behaviorally that profile..
I'm wondering why work hasn't been done with them in order to transform them back into caring effective compassionate individuals-- but then you did say it required empathy as a set point
Great talk, I appreciate you bridging this topic. In my mind, the real issue is that all of these non-profits and corporations take advantage of care workers. Setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves is great, but it only goes so far if our bosses don't care about our wellbeing. They are so busy trying to meet funding goals, compete with other organizations for money and clout, and fill the gaps left by our government, who refuses to create a real, robust safety net for people. Our burnout (and even that of our bosses) is a symptom of capitalism/oppression and a system that doesn't value life at its core. Our society loves no one, even the most rich and powerful, and those of us conditioned to be empathetic (particularly women) are suppose to pick up all the slack.
It has kicked in suicidal thoughts to escape what I see and interpret everyday
SO,I'm an only child, sensitive Empath,ICU RN x 22 years, w/elderly parents 2 teens,and, a broken beart.. Im still goi g, but my Soul is tired.
My job was a housewife for 32 years.
Interesting it's barely mentioned.
But cliché at the same time.
can so relate with that. I think it can apply big time to homemakers like us as well. Here I thought it was just adrenal fatigue.
no kidding; and there is no salary.
Beautyizme 10000 a mom is a job? not being a wife dear
wilderness sparrow check out cptsd or trauma related disorders
It is an exhausting job. You are married to your home in a way and your work is always building up and never complete-all without pay. Even after all the kids leave, then you have relatives and grandchildren visiting or staying sometimes for weeks or years.
Can't help but wonder what brand of grand piano that is on the stage.
I have ptsd from house fire and poverty, and thr ukraine war and any suffering atall of animaks people children trees even i cry anc cry anc cry and cannot live a life
So what do you do?
This is why I'm not a therapist, I would be great if I wasn't so empathetic.
I don’t think it’s wise for a therapist to have their phone in a therapy session when with a client.
Definitely do not pick it up if it vibrates as it tells the client they are not important as the therapist is not focused on them and more interested in their own affairs during the clients time.
I definitely thought beef bc im hungry.
Work = money
I was fine until she as said to take 10 for myself. It's like had never thought about it and I lost it.
why do people always find a problem with every little characteristic of the Human Experience? as your World Turns when you see a person Being anyway that is not acceptable to your personal criteria of how life should be... you come up with some kind of problem for it... you come up with the words like disorder and syndrome. you even come up with cute little letters like PTSD. don't answer that question I already know the answer. it's called being a narcissist. what a cute little title you have for this video.... drowning in empathy... you could have been entitled it Drowning in
Empathy ~ what a beautiful thing that is.
I agree with this, life is hard. We are not promised any type of trouble less life but the gratitude / fulfillment we get in helping allows us to continue.
I do think there is an issue with crippling compassion these days whether it’s animals, children, the impoverished people so much so as we need to put boundaries on others freedoms.