Trauma is irreversible. How it shapes us is our choice. | Sasha Joseph Neulinger | TEDxBozeman
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- čas přidán 19. 05. 2015
- Sasha Joseph Neulinger speaks about his journey in life as a survivor of multi-generational sexual abuse.
Sasha Joseph Neulinger is a native of Pennsylvania who moved to Montana to pursue a BFA in Film Production from Montana State University. He is the Co-Founder and Head of Production at Step 1 Films which has a mission “To deliver truthful and compassionate storytelling through the unifying experience of film.” Sasha Joseph has worked behind the scenes on National Geographic’s award winning series, “America, The Wild” as an editing assistant and production assistant. At Step 1 Films, he has produced, directed, and edited multiple commercial videos for various corporate clients, including Simms Fishing Products and Wisetail, among others. He is currently directing his first feature length documentary, “Rewind To Fast-Forward,” an autobiographical film about his life surviving multi-generational sexual abuse. Sasha Joseph also travels nationally as a public speaker, advocating for reforms in child advocacy and child abuse prevention.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Too bad we can't bring charges against an emotionally abusive parent.
The worse is that they would never acknowledge it, its harder to forgive and let go when no forgiveness is asked.
Especially if they are dead for 20 years. And it's true they won't admit it ever. They are the weakest people.
I went no contact a year ago and finally can breathe. We don’t owe our “family” anything
It what they were taught. The trauma is passed down through generations
@@lilytarbell2303 I love you ❤️.
Sasha i just watched your movie. I am 64 years old. I was abused. I never married, had children, lived with anyone.....as I’ve been afraid i could hurt another as I was hurt. No more hiding their sins, I am done carrying the shame belongs to them. Thank you for helping me reach this place.
I am 56, and just now letting the world know. Thanks
How brave are u, it can take time but speaking up will begin your healing !!
C man 👍
So great! Hugs! ❤️
Aww you're 60 this year. Congrats =)
You are not alone ♥️
This made me cry so so hard, but I really really needed this tonight. I've been struggling to cope with my past abuse, and this gives me the courage to finally speak up about it
You're stronge❤
Speaking about your past abuse takes the power back from your abuser! Be a victor not a victim! Be silent no more!
You will heal I promise. It takes time. Reprocess your thoughts practice mindfulness. God bless you and I'm sorry for your pain and abuse.
❤
So few men are willing or able to come forward and admit to having experienced childhood sexual abuse. I applaud you for your heartfelt honesty and courage and for reaching out to help others both men and women. Your contribution to healing from this trauma is immeasurable valuable and so needed today. Thank you.
robertmac71 when you do , they get attacked more .
Who's here after watching his film called Rewind?
I am
I am.
I want to be able to heal from my trauma. I want to so badly
I hate it when people just want to get over it.
Me 2
Healing from your trauma is possible, I’m living proof. Well, I decided to back for a little more work with my therapist, a few months ago. I’d done so much healing and still ended up in another abusive relationship. It was verbal and emotional, and so very damaging, for it brought back the PTSD I hadn’t needed medication for, for quite a few years before I got into that relationship. I went into it healthy and strong, and because I became chronically ill and couldn’t work, I was abused. And when I was kicked out six years ago next month, I was a broken shell of myself. I’m lucky that I ended up with a great therapist, who happens to be a trauma specialist. She’s also experienced with treating those suffering chronic illnesses, and working with spiritual healing. Everything I needed, all rolled into one. And it took a few years, but I was actually able to go back to work. The stress of being in that abusive environment was making me sicker. And I’m supporting myself, I don’t have to live with a friend anymore. I did realize that my trust in new people is still an issue, as is my putting myself out there to date again, even though I want to. So I’m doing some more work, and that’s okay. I’m miles ahead of the mess I was six years ago. I’m proof that healing is possible, but finding someone who specializes in trauma therapy is something I would highly suggest.
❤❤
our parents teach us how to be ,or destroy everything of who we were meant to be .
Yup
I've struggled with self-abuse,bad influences,I'm re-lapsing now,just need to take first step with a counsellor.
AMEN!!!
My father sexually abused my sister and in turn my sister showed me what my Dad did to her. Memories are like shards of glass, they will push there way to the surface sooner or later. I belief is, around thirty years old or so, those shards of memory are surfacing. I called my sister and told her how what she did to me affected me, and she started crying. I told her it wasn't her fault. We weren't even teenagers yet it lasts our entire life.
Todd Bacon same here, my father molested from the age 16 through 23.
I just watched his documentary “Rewind” it is so hard to imagine him going through such devastating things at such a young age. May God continue to strengthen him.
His parents are the absolute worse. %100 new but wouldn't do anything about it.
Me too I was 5, now 43. I have difficulty to connect with people ,And never been in relationship. since I have 21 years old. I've got great friends,but hope that one day I will be able to open myself to love and being love .
Beatrix Kiddo start today.
Start today, help the rest of us have hope with u.
You need to heal from your past and as soon as you heal :) someone will show up and love you the way you deserve to be loved :) don't be afraid to open up those wounds . Open them and heal them with love and everything will slowly unfold after that :) much love 🙏❤️❤️
You will
I relate to your story @beatrix, although I’ve had two good relationships, meaning the guys were sweet and I was safe. I still found it terrifying. I’m 51, and I’m in CBT for trauma and it’s helping, but I have no idea if I can be vulnerable like that again. Anyway, hugs to you ♥️
Someone go up there and hug him! ARGHHHHH
Ask first :)
I am going to plant a tree - today!!! Thank you for sharing.
I was thinking the same thing. I am sending a hug along with Love and a couple tears. Thank you for your service!
Sasha you give path to help me understand the cuts on my body I bear from my first abuser as a child. I feel as though I have hugged you today as part of the healing process. I hope to plant a tree when I am an old man for others to get shade like you.
Sending you all my love! :)
You're in my heart and in my prayers! 🤗
this is the problem I have with many new age gurus who claim that we choose our own events, people and environments that happen to us in life. I find it virtually impossible that a child under 12 can choose some of these horrific incidents what so many of them undertake in their lifetimes.
+El Gringo I dont think you understand the message. Hes saying how trauma can affect your decision making abilities. Unfortunately many things happen to children everyday they didnt choose. Luckily, tho we grow up and can take back the power to change our lives for the better. :)
+El Gringo Right! I've seen the very children of those practitioners sufferage. It's awful.
I do not believe trauma is irreversible. Who the F is he to destroy all such hope when it has been shown one can come out of trauma & reverse the effects of it.
Did you listen to this before making your comment? Shasha is absolutely talking about surviving and thriving after trauma.
Luey Anderson No, I have not. Can you blame me with the title that he has, how it is worded? I do not need to have my hope killed off more then it has been already. I don't care what he intended with his title, his title backfired on me. And no one would know he is talking about surviving(I always think of holocaust victims) or Thriving with that title.
i know the feeling all to well, , i hated myself, when i told the schools and the cops, nobody cared, i though something was wrong with me, i wanted to die, but glad now i never choose that path, i hope you're movie does real good.
Your comment was posted 4 years ago, but I want to say shame on your school for discrediting you. I truly hope that you have found inner peace and happiness now. God bless you!
Moez i hope youre doing great...
You are so brave man. I’m also 25 years old and was abused by my uncle. This video actually made me cry
Me too
Spencer, I hope you're ok.
@@tracym6652 I’m A Okay 👍
We do not realize the insidious nature of trauma. While the event is more often 'tangible' (if one can put a hand on it), what happens to a person at the mental level is slow, silent, and stealthy. I agree that how it shapes us is our choice. However, the healing is not so easy as we would like to believe.
In my experience, it can be a rather rapid journey of healing. Simply stop going from distraction to distraction day in day out to escape your mental un-ease but instead sit with it, so meditate for 15-min / twice a day for starters and you'll find yourself suddenly crying out a lot of the trauma.
Talking also helps, MDMA studies are promising and so can pyschedelics be when under proper guidance.
I agree with the stop distracting yourself and meditate. I am not healed from my traumas yet, but I started meditating a short while back and it does already help. It helps you feel your emotions instead of pushing everything inside.
If you combine this with talking about it with someone, it can help extra.
It's also the society we live in,, that doesn't allow people to feel real feelings. We live in a Debt based society,, where living BEYOND the bodies abilities and being PUSHED beyond what the body can afford is the Norm. The system needs to change. Capitalism Must end. Corp "profit" must be curtailed. As long as it isn't,, Trauma and the destruction of health and the environment will continue
The _"Capitalism Must end"_ theme was promoted by Stalin and Hitler. Sometimes a more socialist or Marxist theme can bring on more suffering than exists at present. Killing capitalism is great in theory, horrible in practice.
A good mixture of socialism and capitalism is ideal. Academic economists tell us that recently introduced socialist policies have created most of the U.S. debt.
harlequin75 no one talks about all the internal damage that's continuous until we get real help. our minds break themselves down in the meantime, often without our realizing it because it's normal for us.
Powerful Sasha, and very eloquent. You are doing a great service for humanity. I am sure your film will be stunning.
I bow down to your beautiful Soul for the love you are . Your voice of truth is the medicine for my wounded heart.
Man I turned 40 this year and I am still struggling with my inner pain. I have never believed I could amount to something or felt worthy. I am still working on how to find myself to be ok with me. I think the largest impact on me has been never to have children. It scares me too much. I never seen justice and my step father walks around today free and it is me who is the liar, who tried to destroy an innocent mans life. That really pisses me off
I believe you
I just watched Rewind. I've never seen a documentary so powerful. You're an inspiration.
you are loved
I seriously doubt it.
Sadly this is way more common than you think. Nicely expressed and overcome. Had similar experiences, though not as horrific, same effects/results. Good to remind myself of self acceptance :)
Big hug Sasha. I´m also a survivor of child abuse and i´m struggling to love myself but this video encourages me to continue. Because we can´t be victims anymore, we must be SURVIVORS
The most infuriating part of that documentary was that "Cantor" Howard Nevison only got 12 years of probation and wont admit any wrong doing in an Alfred Plea ooo that had me heated!
I started crying 10 seconds in and haven't stopped. I'm so happy the audience listened. I resonated with so much in this. And, dude, the strength, Sasha thank you.
Thank you for sharing Sasha! Very proud of you for being so open and finding a way to Love!
I was around his age too. Then I forgot it for years and I remembered one day and have been trying to deal with it since. It's a slow, painful process and the trauma is always there but it doesn't sting as much anymore. Thank you Sasha for your bravery, your honesty and most of all, your love. I do love myself now and I am proud of myself too.
Society has good intentions, but the way they handle child sexuality is horrific, up one side and down the other. Child advocacy organizations that actually understand the subject have a lot of problems with how we deal with it. We spend tons of money doing things that make us adults feel good, like we're helping, but actually don't help anyone. The things that have research showing they can help prevent abuse, stop abuse, and reduce the amount of harm abused children experience as a result of the abuse, are education and empowerment. Let kids know that their body is their own property, and that no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, has the right to violate their consent. The vast majority of child abusers are the childs parents, with family, family friends, and authority figures right behind them. Strangers, what we concentrate almost exclusively on stopping, are almost never the abusers. Teaching kids that child abuse looks like a gruff stranger snatching them off the street and tying them up and torturing them leaves them often unable to even identify what is happening to them as abuse.
+Dustin Rodriguez What a clear and cogent statement. Thank you for putting it so well. The deep denial that infuses our approach to the sexual abuse of children is so pervasive and ingrained that we struggle even to discuss the issue. Thanks for adding a voice of reason to a difficult conversation.
+Dustin Rodriguez If only parents or other mentors taught about consent in the first place... how do you fix stupid ? How do you bring awareness to adults???
Dustin Rodriguez society has NO GOOD INTENTIONS from what I'm STILL experiencing!
Someone objected to the title, in that trauma is irreversible. I was a hospital nurse in the ICU+ when you see trauma, it’s often where the person will not be the same as they were before the trauma.
That’s the same as mental/emotional trauma. You will have Changed because of it. Never to be the same.
I told my mother when I was aged 30ish about my uncles being perpetrators. Her only comment was, "Well, I hope you feel better that you got that off you mind." She went on to tell my brothers that I was lying and well, she must have deserved whatever she got. I regret that I ever told her and honestly, we need to pick you we disclose to wisely. Yes, disclose, but try it out on therapists or best friends before you tell family. Family doesn't want to know there are predators lurking. I waited until my offenders were dead and according to my mother, too late for them to be able to defend themselves.
I'm so sorry your Mother wasn't there for you.
Yeah, I can relate. The only time I've been able to tell someone IRL non-anonymously they accused me of being "attention-seeking," which kinda made things worse(suicide attempt). So yeah, telling people may not ALWAYS be a good idea.
Sorry you had that experience.
Talking to my inner child always makes me cry. I can be home or in public places it always makes me so sad. I just pray everyday to have my own family so that i can show her how happy we can be.
I'm 51 and It's allot more helpful from hearing from someone who actually dealt with trauma then Doctors who really don't understand or experienced trauma, Sasha is very brave.
Some days feel impossible but today I am capable! Thank you for sharing ❤ it really made my day
Wow, I wish I could meet this man, shake hands, smile, and believe in myself more.
Hi, I think everyone need to find someone like us to feel much better ourself and to live with truly love.
I m with you too.
I don t blame you,
Get a truly hug from me. God bless all of we
I'm 50, and just now letting the world know. Thanks, Sasha. Great work. Can't wait to see your film.
Powerful testimony 🙏
I have so much childhood traumas with emotional abuse and abandonment... I have seen the huge impact it has throughout my life, to this day, at midlife.
I just watched this documentary for my Child Maltreatment class. Thank you for sharing your story Sasha. Truly breaks my heart. I am so glad that men are speaking out about their trauma.
I’m 41 and still struggling and the messed up part is that my abuser always talks about other people who are child molestors he know what he done to me I haven’t had the guts yet to tell him do you know that you molested me from the age of 5-15 but I am a empathy person and I can’t believe that I have empathy for him he was one of the people that ruined my life I was such an introvert and incredibly shy I missed all of my teenage years because I wanted to crawl under a rock and just die
Sasha has such a beautiful gentle soul x
I have so much respect for you, Sasha. I, too, am a survivor and still working on moving forward. As I move forward at the age of 60, the little girl/teenager is still struggling to break free. Thank you for helping me tonight. Jan. 2023.
One day I'll get there too, Sasha ❤️
Yes you will!! Don't give up :)
You will, we have the utmost belief, you are not alone
Why do you want to experience the abuse
I watched Rewind last night. It was incredibly powerful stuff.
This was powerful, I want to see the movie he made.
Sandra Lyngmo
Hi Sandra! You can watch the teaser trailer for the documentary at rewindtofastforward.com
Robert Schneeweis Thank you for that :)
Thank you very much for sharing your story. I suffered many different traumas as a child including molestation and for a very long time I have been filled with anger and severe depression. The only issue is, is that every single individual person reacts differently to childhood trauma(s), therefore will require different methods of healing. I have always felt unloved and never been able to feel that any person loves or loved me. I found spirituality and found love from God and the universe and begun to heal the wounds but was then dragged back into another traumatic experience at this age, a grown man. The only thing that I have ever wanted is to feel loved and cared for, but I am blocked and have always felt unloved. I am so pleased that you found your method to heal them deep wounds. Much love and compassion to you!!!!
Sending you all my love! :)
That unloved feeling is the worst. I feel you bro
Beautifully stated!! I also believe discovering love from God is the love in which you finally feel safe! Keep pushing!! God has great things ahead!!
I'm sorry for what you went through. I just want to remind you that you are divinely and beautifully made, qnd unconditionally loved.
Kudos to you and your courage. I bow to you, Sasha. Beautiful display of bravery and resilience.
His documentary Rewind, was amazing because his personal story was so profound.
We love you too Sasha. Thanks
Sometimes you have no choice. I didn't even know I was suffering until I collapsed. My therapist tells me the journey to wellness is going to take time, effort, and support. Once you have a handle on the trauma, then you can reshape it. But getting a trip takes help.
this was beautiful how he as a grown up helped the 4 year old in him
Your strength is empowering. My wish is that more men would be more open about abuse they endured. My brother ended his life after 40 yrs of fighting the deep painful struggle of losing his innocence to a family friend's teenage son. He told my brother he would kill me or my mother and he continued to endure that pain for over 2 yrs and held onto that horrific secret till he was 18 yrs old. It effected him all through his life but wasn't willing to face it and that silent suffering finally became larger then him and out of nowhere I lost the most beautiful person in my life, my hero and my best friend. It's been 8 yrs since his brutal suicide and it has taken me up to a few months ago to process and heal. Please continue to do your amazing work of using your platform to let others know it's okay to share their story as a matter of fact it's a must to begin the healing process. Much love
Oh, that ended so emotionally.. got tears in my eyes. Respect!
This is so heartbreaking. This video portrays so much more than any other video I have seen, though all equally important
Thank you for shining a light on what is such a heavy, dark secret for so many. We need to talk about it and, as you said, plant the seed of open conversation today so to better protect children today. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing! Takes a lot of courage to do something like this. Hugs and healing energy
This made me cry. I wasn't abused, but something terrible happened to me about 3 years ago and everyone thought I did something I didn't. I was in a lot of physical and mental pain and I couldn't talk about it because it was too embarrassing. Now as I grow older, It's becoming more and more relevant that I face it again. I'm scared and ashamed and I don't think I'm strong enough. I need help.
Please get help its out there you just have to look for it cyz it wont come to you so do it for yourself you deserve it i promise
I am so sorry that happened to you. That is so unfair. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Just watched the documentary. I cannot believe how brave you were at such a young age to go up against those monsters. You were such a beautiful and intelligent boy! I feel like you were put in this world for a reason. Im sure this will inspire many peole out there to do what you did. May god bless you and help you heal through difficult times. Thanks for sharing your story.
😢 while listening to your talk, my body, specifically my heart, started aching like it was being pinched, independent of my thoughts. I'm listening to this at work so I kinda got distracted, but still my heart heard you, ached for the pain you went through, and that ache served as a signal for me to refocus my attention back to your speech. And I'm so glad I did. Thank you for your inspiring words. My soul needed to here it. ❤️
Great speech. Thank you so much.
It is amazing how much you actually know and understand at 4 yrs old. I have been there.
thank you. very powerful talk
I was in tears by the end. Sasha is so brave and a great example.
Beautiful....Thank You
Wonderful talk from a great man. Cheers Sasha!
Dearest Sasha, Thank you for your bravery and wisdom! Thank you for being such a good friend to yourself, and in doing that, being such a good friend to all of us suffering from this kind of pain - the pain of abandoning our 4-year-old selves. You are a shining light in this universe!
Beautiful. Thank you, Sasha.
Man, thanks for sharing your pain. All of us share your pain because we went through some of this. Thanks for sharing. We are not alone. I feel your pain too because I went through abuse too...
Dear Sasha,
thank you for helping survivors through your bravery and honesty,
the world is lucky to have you in it.
Thank you 🙏
All the best with your documentary, I will support it!
So important to speak about...thank you so much for your bravery and speaking about this!
You are beautiful, Brave and powerful! Keep speaking up for all those that can't. God Bless you!
Gorgeous talk. Thank you for your message and vulnerability
Thank you so much for this. you are a beautiful person inside and out
Breath-taking!
Thank you for your kindness and courage and strength
God bless you Sasha!! You are amazing and strong!! Thanks for sharing and helping others!
Thank you, Sasha. So powerful. Carrying that weight will break you down if you have no one to share it with. I hope making this movie gives you wings you never imagined. Can't wait to see it.
He's right about choosing to love yourself. He's wrong about trauma being irreversible. You have to release it. It's stored in your body until you let yourself shake, cry, throw up, etc. If that weren't true, I'd still be getting flashbacks and anxiety today. It's gotten so much better. It can for you too.
Was it ptsd?
You are Sasha the strong, the brave, the survivor. God bless you.
A very powerful disclosure thank you for being so honest.
amazing brave young man..thanku for sharing shasha.
Thank you for your film, voice and courage. We must help our children.
You are amazing. Thank you for helping me heal.
Thank you for this powerful and authentic talk! I too have been struggling with past abuse. I thought that I had moved past it but those childhood wounds run deep. I totally agree it is so key to love the inner child within us. Thank for your courage and yes you are a beautiful person!
He's so cute! Big hugs to him! I am so glad he has moved on and apparently begun to heal. ❤️
This is a powerful story. I'm looking forward to seeing the documentary. I am working on a documentary about healing from trauma, too.
Seriously well said. Real champion.
I applaud you. You are so brave. It took me 25 years to speak about my abuse. Thank you for sharing your story.
Could not stop crying....Thank you for the love you emit......
There documentary Rewind is on Amazon. Just watched it. Very well done.
This made me cry, and watching the trailer for your movie made me cry ! The end of it "don't give up on me yet" waterfalls down my cheeks. You are so , so brave. You FOUGHT and I will be trying to watch your movie, I will go back to the website and see if there's an option to buy a DVD, not quite sure how it works, but I will be watching your documentary. You are an incredible person and it is heartwarming to see how far you have come
Thank you, Sasha. Very, very much.
this is so powerful.
absolutely amazing talk
Thank you Sasha.
More people need to share their stories like this, i have so much respect for that guy
Thank you for sharing your story,I'm a survivor as well...
I love you and for doing this video, such
honesty and giving. You are beautiful.
I help people heal from trauma every day. It can be done! Reintegration, and creating a compassionate, loving relationship, with the abused part of one's self is an extremely important component. Thank you!