Dear Overwhelmed Moms, Self-Care Isn’t Selfish | Liz Carlile | TEDxColoradoSprings
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- čas přidán 22. 07. 2019
- Self-care and self-love is the key to changing everything in your life. When her son was 6 weeks old, Liz found herself crying on the bathroom floor. Through some necessary internal work, she went from being an overwhelmed new mom to one that put her well-being first and as a result, positively changed her life and benefited her entire family. Liz is a mom, podcast host and speaker who uses her platform to provide a space for individuals to heal, connect, and create more beautiful lives for themselves. Her journey to advocating for mothers to love themselves and engage in non-negotiable self-care began when she started blogging about her surprising unhappiness as a new mom, how she made her self-care the priority, and how she stopped being a martyr in the home. Her blog turned into a top-rated self-help podcast and speaking career and she’s now impacting moms and caregivers of all backgrounds all over the world. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I started crying in the store today because it’s the first time in 3 years I have bought new clothes for myself.
😢❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👍🏼
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You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
We love u❤
Just the fact you are watching this video....means you are an INCREDIBLE women...and AWESOME MOM!!!!
The world needs to normalize that PARENTS DESERVE BREAKS! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
ESPECIALLY mothers because there is IMMENSE pressure on us, single or married.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
I became depressed because my partner worked 2 jobs and left me on my own for months when he travelled abroad I couldn’t cope with the children 24/7 around the clock I began forgetting to clean my teeth not having even enough time to shower when I realised the effect of the constant pressures I put my daughter in part time nursery which gave me enough time to have a bath do my makeup paint my nails etc. There was a lot of judgement people said I didn’t care about my daughter because I had put her in nursery for 3 hours a day it wasn’t that I didn’t care it just meant that I had recognised that I was human too.
funny how theyre so quick to judge you for taking that important step- (all THREE whopping hours,) but it appears none of them stepped up and offered to assist you and act as family and friends should. they teach us it takes a village- then they expect us moms to BE the ENTIRE village alone, ourselves. i honour you for your choice, one mom to another. you cant be drained to zero and asked to care some more and run some more miles. just cant. its inhumane.
@@jonathananderinholmes8318 Thanks for your support and understanding
Yup! It’s like all the sudden you aren’t human anymore once you have to care for a little human 24/7
Thank you so much for this comment. I was having mom guilt for thinking about putting my child on child care. But I think you are so right. It’s so important to take care of us too. Will proceed with it and start making space for me because it’s so important. Thanks!
You made a good decision if you are not able to take care of your own self how could you take the best care of your daughter. And besides 3 hrs of nursery school is also good for her
I’m watching this with headphones while my toddler is having a tantrum. All the feels
I have been tempted to do this xD
Good you can disconnect from the tantrum
Lmao 😂
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
Doing the same currently.
The visualization of having your 5 year old self sit with you was incredible. Thank you!
As a mother of 3 children (20, 14, and 7), I have kept this mindset with me since motherhood started 20 years ago which is what has helped me be the kinda mom I wanted to be, the mom I wish I had. PSA to adults: Never lose sight of your inner child or you will disconnect with your children
My back neck hurt so bad I can barely help him brush his teeth. Haven’t had a massage or spiritual session or live from anyone in so many years. I’m trying. We are all you.
Yesterday was the first day I had bought myself something that wasn't necessarily "needed" in 5 years. Coming from a mom of 4 with a husband that works all the time, self care is a must that I am starting to realize.
Wonderful! If a mom of 4 can do it, then anyone can do it! Love the attitude! ;-)
Ing a mum you put everyone first, being a wife , you take care of your husband but we as woman have not time to even do the small things like straighten our hair, look nice, feel nice, sometimes we take for granted our own need to feel special too feel beautiful
Self care and looking after yourself makes for a better mum too, I think... More energy and more patience for your kids...
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You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
I think we underestimate how the simple things can make such a big difference. The aim is quality over quantity. A few mins of self care everyday adds up to a lifetime of happiness for you and your family xx to all the amazing moms out there … you got this 😊
Underrated comment so true ❤
Love this! I'm a single mom to twins and I have found it so important to make sure that I am making time for me so that I can be the best for my boys!
Mom of twins here too with no help other than my husband. This is tough stuff!
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
@@donutswaffles2394 mom of twin girls... same here. The feeling is overwhelming!
@@dinzey1240 we are made of something else eh? Let’s keep going!
Its been a Year since I had my daughter and I still feel lost within myself. This made me want to better myself and do more things for me. I have done my hair in a year I have made my self look presentable in a year. It’s time to change and feel good about mw. I grew a child I deserve to feel so amazed by ME. thank you💜
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
Wow you realised this after 6 weeks after having a baby! It's taken me years! Well done! Good talk
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
The part where we imagined our young selves broke me down. It made me realize I’m not taking care of myself and child me would not be happy. Time to work on making some me time.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
I am a single mom, not by choice. But, it's pretty tough. There's no support, and of course, I expect to do the work myself, I am the parent after all. But, the problem is, I am not a machine. I haven't had even one hour to myself in two years. I don't even remember what it's like to relax and watch a movie, or eat hot food. I don't get to take a shower without worrying if my daughter is going to be fine in her crib for 15 minutes, and I wait until she's asleep. So, I shower two times a week. Because some nights I am so exhausted that after I see that my child has gone to sleep, I relax for a minute and I fall asleep right there. I also have to work, like most adults . I have two family members, but no one has ever offered to take her for a couple hours. I don't ask. I did ask once, when I was so tired I did not feel good, but, I was told that I don't need to have any one watch her while I interview on the phone. So, I wait until she is preoccupied before I call a prospective employer back (I was laid off due to budget cuts). Her Father is NOT in the picture, and doesn't help financially after our engagement ended. So, it's a lot of pressure to do it all with no help. I know I need to take care of myself so that I can keep it all together, but it's not possible. I don't want to be a stressed out mommy, so, I always try to be happy for her so that she doesn't see me stressed.
Corey I hope your doing well, and I want you to know I'm rooting for you. You're doing a great job, keep your chin up beautiful
Hugs. U can do this. Youre a champion
Relate. Single mom life is hard
@@kimberlyf.4130 Aww, thank you so much! That is so sweet. Shalom : )
@@rachabeff3212
I really appreciate that! Thank you guys: )
Self care is everything!!!!!! ❤
The major takeaway: Self-care and self-love is not selfish! Every mom, women need to hear this.
We have to know the our children are not the centre of our lives they are a part of our lives. When I understood this mindset it was a game changer
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
Self-care isn't selfish, but there was a time and place for it: when you were SINGLE. When you choose to become a parent, you have to accept the fact that your needs are going to have to come after others'. That's what parenthood is. It's no longer about you. It may be years before you get to have a break or to be able to buy things for yourself.
I am in tears thank you for this message ❤
I needed this pep talk. Thank you 🙏🏾😊💜☀️
This is all true. Until you have a partner who's not supportive. I pray I get out of my misery soon.
It's hard when your partner is kit supportive but in the midst of it all find some small things that you can change because your self care depends on you
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
I hear you sister. You’re not alone 🙏🏼💕
Ok I'm crying now after she made me imagine
Today alone ive been told by my baby's father that I'm selfish and acting like a child because I'm suffering from depleted mother syndrome (dps) and I said i don't want to be around my child right now. He was being really rude and i said i regretted letting him back in my house and he was arguing that he's expected to pay for everything because i dont work (even though I literally have a job interview tomorrow but thats not good enough) and when i mentioned that I have an interview he then switched tracks to ask who is going to watch the baby. He was saying that I'm just going to go to work and come back and still be upset towards my son and that I'm just going to "rely on some minimum wage worker to raise him".. i can't win here. Im either lazy and at home and frustrated and in a bad mood all the time, or I'm never there, making someone else riase my child, and gonna be angry for having to come home to my baby, according to him. This is not okay for me. I'm trying. I'm very young, I'm 20, i had him at 19. I still have a lot to learn and I still need HELP and a break and I am made to feel like sh!t for it.. i needed to hear this today. I hope all of you get through this..
@tierstinwilliams - I'm sorry to read what you are going through. You son's father doesn't sound like someone you want to be around too much. If nothing you do is good enough - you're doomed if you do, you're doomed if you don't - then clearly making lifestyle choices in order to please him isn't a good strategy - probably not even a possibility. That leaves you to please YOU. What do YOU want? Do you feel equipped to be home full time? If so, voice that desire confidently to him. Help him see that his financial support is necessary, and it's really not that big a job in comparison. And if you'd rather go to work, then don't let his sarcasm affect you, because let's agree that he wouldn't stay home all day either. So all that to say, find what feels best to YOU - that's the only thing you can control here, and it WILL benefit your son in the end. I pray that my message encourages and uplifts you!
I needed this so much. It felt like healing
I'm a mom of two little babies, I feel overwhelmed stress and anxiety, being with a baby for the whole day whith no self care or breake it gets me insane at the end of the day.... I feel that I have lost every thing after having babies... I lost my self...I'm tired... my body is tired as well... and I'm just 25 years old... everybody around me say " you have to be strong".... how I can be strong when the kids take my whole energy during the day....... I hope they get old or get some help....
I get you, @selennselen6483... I used to feel similar when my son was a baby. And now in retrospect, I feel he would have done just fine if I had found even just 10 minutes each day for my own self-care. And that would have given me a sense of having something to look forward to - and a feeling that I had a tiny bit of a life outside of caring for them. So what would be most refreshing to you? Some light exercise? Lying down and closing your eyes? A long shower? Find what it is, and then find a way to fit it somehow. Can dad be in charge for 10 minutes? Can the babies learn to play in their crib for 10 minutes (nothing wrong with learning to self-entertain at a young age)? Do you have a friend with young kids you could "trade" 10 minutes at ta time with a couple times each week? You might not get your 10 minutes each day, but even a few times will already feel SO much better! You got this! Just try a few things and the right solution will emerge. Good luck! ;-)
@@MJShaar thank you ! finally i found time for my self i sit at 6 am in the morning drinking coffee and writing my morning pages while my kids are sleeping, it helps me a lot.
@@selennselen6483 - very glad to hear it! You are worth it! ;-)
Thank you
5 stars bc she made me cry, omg I needed to hear this 🙌🏿
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
Me 10 mins ago: Oh I can throw this on to listen to while I clean up!
Me now: On the floor bawling my eyes out
😂
I needed to hear this
Thank you, great talk... my passion is helping women with this same topic, because I was that women you were as well.
Yes when we go through an experienced we need to share and help others
@@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382 absolutely!
Beautiful! Great job Liz! Amazing!
Thank you so much!!!
She has the most beautiful way of talking, it goes to my heart, i wish she read audiobooks, who is she, I'll Google her now
Yes. “No one can feed from an empty pot”
🦋everything is about the baby. It’s easy to forget about yourself
I wish I had the time but I barely have time to eat or sleep or comb my hair and their father rarely ever helps and when he does its not willingly
I have been there... it’s so hard to find creative solutions or have patience when you are so sleep deprived. You are not alone. In those days it’s hard to find women going through the same because none of us have time to talk about it or make a CZcams video or post about it...
start with the sleep. Negotiate it... do set boundaries with your spouse your children and yourself... I know it sounds crazy but do your best to get 8 hours of sleep even if broken up, even if it means going to bed at 8pm with your baby.
That sleep will help you in changing things and being”strong enough” to create, negotiate and enforce those changes with your family at home. A big big big hug to you dear April 💛
Then why are you with such man? He is only doing what you allow him.
@@miriamchalmovianska863 😒 so its my fault his family raised him that way, and I should have somehow forseen into the future. Oh okay. Having a baby changes a woman's life but it shows a man's true colours. It was what it was and now I'm over and done with it.
@@aprilchow-chee5281 amen girl. People don’t show their true colors until it’s already to late. Once the true colors are revealed… it’s still not easy to just get up and leave. You have to make all the right moves for you and your child/children.
This can be frustrating. Start focusing on YOU for a little bit. Start with combing your hair you will feel better 😀
Haven’t started the vid yet but anyone else feel like they’ve taken self care to not wanting to do anything
please get an airplane that pulls those huge banner messages we can read from the ground that says what you said. WHAT THIS PERSON SAID! i cant even type because what you said is so true. i literally JUST said that today and felt... awful(?) for it- that my so called self care has come to "mommy wants to sit very still and stare and the floor for 5 hours and try to remember to keep blinking and breathing..."
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
Having a cup of Tea 🍵headphones 🎧 IN and listen to you is worth of 9.28 minutes ❤
Thanks to my Doctor friend Aakshu 😊
SELF - CARE IS NOT SELFISH 🎉
You're making me realize - as moms we often feel like self-care is selfish, but self-education isn't. And yet, self-care can be self-education: when we work out, we are educating our muscles. When we cook a proper meal, we are learning cooking skills. When we go to bed early, we make learning easier the next day. Oh - that's a great realization! I might actually make a video for my channel about it! Whoop-whoop! ;-)
I don't think any mom fights the idea that they need and deserve a break. But how exactly could that possible happen? I haven't even been able to lock the door when I go to the bathroom for almost 10 years now. I would kill for a break, but it will never ever happen. There is no "village" and nobody I know can afford to pay for one.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
I think a lot of moms feel guilty when they want a break from their kids, especially when they're young. It is hard without a village though . If your kids are school age, I strongly recommend looking for a Boys and Girls Club near you. Membership fees are usually really cheap, like $25-40 per year.
I’m a failure 😞 every morning I get up , say to myself okay I will get this done etc. Brush teeth and wash my face with cold water to get ready for the day. Go downstairs make myself some coffee to get in the mood. Make my family breakfast, eat , makes sure I take vitamins B for energy but after breakfast I went t take a nap because I feel so exhausted . Idk what it is I’m just blehhhhh. My husband also thinks self care is selfish so if I mentioned it, he would go off on me.
please see your GP (family doctor) A lot of moms have secret hidden chronic health issues and/ or nutritional imbalances whose only sign is fatigue. You don;t want to faint or find yourself with huge, worsened health problems all of a sudden when your kids are just a bit bigger. Also it's not normal that your partner is not supportive. Are you someone he LOVES or some employee he is dissatisfied with? You might want to go to individual therapy (for yourself) and then to couple's counseling.
😩🙏🏾
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
What if everybody around you tell you that you are selfish? Kick you down mentally if you complain and want something for yourself?
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.
I've neglected my teeth and gained weight while raising my kids. I wish I could go back in time.
It’s the first time I bought a candle that I used to love 4 years ago and really feel the moment when lightning it and read a book … that’s it , it was everything I needed to feel self loved and have the power and joy to be with my toddler with happiness
I'm regularly told don't be selfish 😢
Can someone give me the break & $$ & time to take these selfish breaks???? Work to pay bills
Are the best mothers the ones that have been aboard a Navy ship?
🙏👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👍🏿👍🏿🙏🌄🤗🌄
There is no time for self care
MAKE TIME.....🙏🤗🙏
.or DON'T complain!...When The Consequences🙏😞✌️
Make time? Like where do the kids go when you're soaking in the tub or getting your nails done? I don't understand this comment. You can't just "check out" no matter how desperately you want or need to.
To every mom and women on earth
It is not selfish to love yourself...1ST
It is mandatory..
Send a Hallmark card to ANYONE who tries to guilt, shame,criticize,
You....
I am returning your guilt,shame,critisism..
You have the wrong name and address.
Sincerly Yours,
Selfish- (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
You can have healthy self care without being selfish.
As usual
Nope.
I needed this pep talk. Thank you 🙏🏾😊💜☀️
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish. you deserve it.