You're right. I am discreet, tactful, and charming, but sometimes, in fact it's very rare, the flame thrower comes out! It's burn, leave no prisoner behind, and move on.
When you’ve given someone so many chances and then when you finally confront them telling them how you feel hoping and expecting them to take responsibility for their actions and instead they gaslight you in a major way. Someone who has been gaslit by many people in the past is not going to tolerate it when they realize someone is doing it to them AGAIN. Don’t respect the INFJ? Well, the INFJ respects themselves enough at a certain point to say 👋 BYE
I am very big into social justice. As a queer/Nonbinary person of mixed heritage, I do not want people using rude language or deadnaming people Infront of me. If I hear racist jokes or observe a disabled person being picked on, I loose it. Also, if I see someone hit a kid, a pet or an elderly person, I want to flatten them.
Overtime you learn there's no need to. Given enough rope people will hang themselvs/karma/boomerang, get their energy back, you can call it how you want 😅
I was dimming my light for pretty much everyone. I'm done with that. Now I could have minions, but I don't want them. I want friends who are my equals. I have a few real friends now. Thank you, Wentzes 😊
That “monster” is something I’ve experienced several times. It’s the shock on the person’s face and their stunned response that clues me in and I’m shocked too because I don’t know where the voice and words came from. I had this experience in a hostile and contentious legal situation and not only did it shut the lawyers up, but they totally backed off.
I enjoy playing dumb with some people but the best thing I like doing is ignoring them and not giving any reaction and letting them think if they're ignored or getting mocked or I'm scared I just like torturing them with guessing. Door slamming is my forte just ask me about it 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I’m a Master at playing dumb and out-insulting a person who is trying to push my buttons. It drives ppl crazy and I love seeing the confused faces because it’s clear that they think they can play with me.
It wasn't really an anger thing. It was a pain thing: I'm autistic, and I had a major burn out at the time. The people I was closest to, and had always been supportive of, acted like it was no big deal. Autistic burnouts can be life threatening. Mine was. I realized that none of those people really cared about me, and dumped them all. I'm recovering now. Currently, I just have my animals. I'm sure I'll meet friends that are genuine in the future if I just keep following my heart. 💜 Life is good. I'll use my fancy china, and eat ice cream for supper now and then. 😊 Just because I can.
@@TeutaTheQueen Yeah, it's good to have people we can relate to. I'm looking into finding a place to live where I can meet more of my kind. NT's are rather high maintenance. They'll think you hate them if you go a week without calling them up, when the truth is you just didn't have anything to talk about. Stuff like that is a challenge.
Door slam is my favourite, my default. It takes the least energy and I tend not to dwell on the issues, just walk away. Thank you Wenzes, you have a unique insight. 😊
same for me. But recently someone I loved did it to me. This never happened to me before and I'm in shock honestly. It hurts so much. Still I'm glad that I can understand what he did there and the reasons why. Must be even harder if you can't understand what's going on ..
I usually tell people in one way or another "I'm going to close the door on you" forever whatever reason, cos it's not working, cos you're caught up in yourself, cos this is draining me, cos I'm not getting enough in return for what I give to you, cos you're an idiot, and they don't understand when it happens cos they weren't listening. Which is usually the number one reason I door slam.
The door slam and dimming my light is something I’ve been doing without realizing it. I left behind a group of friends I had for yrs. They looked as me as the quiet one that didn’t stand out and assumed I would be lost without them since they were more outgoing. After I had enough I completely ghosted them. They would tell ppl I’m weird and that they didn’t know why I cut them off. It’s been a few yrs now and they still follow me on social media and see how I’m always traveling and going places with a variety of friends. Sometimes they ask me if I want to hang with them and I always reply with “my month is full because I have plans with 2 other friends”. Thankfully they’ve matured and view me differently now but even tho I’ve somewhat opened that door back, they’ll never get the same me and I only hang with them on rare occasions
I can take all kinds of personal attacks and sit silently. But if people messed with my loved ones, I go all out... I don't care. They got it coming. One of the most useful tactics is silently staring at someone RIGHT in the eyes. They can feel they are being judged and torn into... it shuts most people down real fast.
I defend my loved ones with a fury but, I'll also defend a stranger if they're being wronged in front of me. I can't comprehend how people can just walk past a crime without getting involved.
Eww...I have people that don't 'get it' when I tell them to stop [firmly but kindly]. It comes to the point where I square off face to face and say, 'Look. I've told you nicely several times to stop this crap. You don't want to me to tell you again.' If there IS a next time, they complain that I'm scary and need therapy. I don't up my game 'a notch' - I up it times 10. [I'll give an example...] In high school I wore a dress one day [I never wore dresses back in the day], and a guy and his friend [a girl] that I knew fairly well [our families knew each other] were sitting across from me in the next row of desks. They decided it was funny to take their ink pens and reach over and quickly scribble on my leg while the biology teacher was lecturing. I told them to stop it. The room was full with no desk to move to, and the teacher was oblivious [in the throws of dispensing knowledge, I guess]. It happened about six times, and the seventh time they nailed my dress [which was a vintage shirtwaist dress from my grandmother]... The next instant, he was flying backwards out of his chair to the back of the room, crashing into a bank of cabinets. His friend [the girl] looked totally shocked. I looked as cool as a cucumber. The teacher came back down to earth. The whole class wondered what they just missed. I had swung around in my seat and backhanded him in the face with my full force. [It was 1981 - we were all Juniors]. The girl hissed, 'You're in trouble now!' and I said, 'Good. So are you.' The teacher said, 'I don't know what just happened, but it better not ever happen again in here.' and I said, 'I don't think it will be necessary after today.' The teacher said, 'I want to talk to you, you and you after class.' and I said, 'That will be just fine.' Turns out, nobody bothered me ever again, and the teacher and I remained on good terms.
I had to do this in grade school. I didn’t plan to do it…just came out of nowhere. It never happened again. I was the quiet one… and it sent shockwaves.
I never lose an intellectual debate. People are assuming and underestimate me because I'm not a braggart. But, I welcome the arrogant, I'm better than you, jab!! Inside I'm smiling as I realize I get to outsmart this person😁😁😁
Setting boundaries with sociopaths and narcissists is important but always best to record all interactions if you are not able to immediately walk away.
As you get older you won’t be getting aggravated by people playing games, they’ll be gone. But I tell you this the people that are incompetent are the worst, I have someone to buffer me thank God for her.
Infj's don't hate, hold gruge or revenge people, we simply nothing them. If youre watching/hearing someone say something and it triggers you; Stop and try to understand why it does, is that an issue within you or the other person is simply toxic. People will project their problems on an infj. Once you heal yourself from self doubts, outside sources will be powerless over you. What we don't do: We don't insult on purpose. (It needs to be a very rare occasion). We don't invade peoples privacy. (We can recognize certain patterns). Only 15% of communication is verbal (oral) people tend to put most weight on that. 99% percent of people don't know their body is always saying the trueth, even if their mouth is saying otherwise. Any infj that will develop the other languages can increase their observing/reading skill 10x. Speaking about myself for a moment, as a kid I was intrigued by this and, 8 year old reading astrology books (no one told me back then it's mostly fairy tales). That didn't stop me tho.
⭐️For sure. Can so much relate. Over and over again I consciously make amends. Humans will come out with all kinds of stupid things about who they think I am and attempt to classify me as a bad person. I just clarify counsel through their mundane thought and behaviours. I just love them and it’s so disheartening when u form an relationship or you think you have cultivated a peaceful environment. When in fate they were never on board. Betrayal. Is this why they don’t trust you because I can see who they are? I dislike when they attack out of the blue. Unnecessarily. With a twisted perception accusations that are the opposite of the truth. The emotional backlash is intense and I’m working on this. I have to find a way to neutralize the emotions. Thanks for your Post. 😉 💜⭐️💜
Agree I don’t hate hold grudges or revenge…. Not for long anyway 😆lol. These emotions do pass through quickly once I reflect calmed myself. And come to the realization I have been hoodwinked once again. To get along with the Human that are necessary like in a duplex living situation. Seems to be a lost cause. At times I feel every turning moment I’m out on notice …. Don’t shine so bright. It’s the brightness that brings out human’s shadows. … egos. I want to slice it to pieces. I’ve done a lot of work on myself still stepping for that epic balance of life. Much gratitude and grace. ⭐️💜⭐️
@MetaTron3693 knowledge is power, and you have the ability to think deeply. Not all people are willing or able to do so. If you encounter people who are generally toxic take a step back. Infj still can't fix stupid and trust me iv learned this the hard way like the rest 😉. Stay strong my friend 🤟👍💫
@@MetaTron3693the biggest secret in life that you wont learn in school is people are evil, and this world is evil. watch your back. a world full of deceivers
Lol. I use number 1 all the time! Also, Disdain is on point. I recently (2022) had so much disdain for a supervisor, who was a horrible human being, that I had to quit that job. I couldn't understand why so many people were ok with being treated badly by her. When this supervisor approached me and tried to engage, I wouldn't let her. I kept our conversations strictly superficial and work related. She didn't know what to do with that, so she left me alone for the most part. It was her behavior towards everyone else that was appalling. I once consoled a co-worker after a meeting who was left in tears after this supervisor insulted her in the meeting and she didn't even have the self awareness to know. After everyone on my team quit, I knew I had to get out. I knew that if I didn't quit, the monster would come out and I would be fired anyway.
When I reach the point of door slam I'm so fed up and think that I'm convinced now about the other person and it's easy to cut ties and move forward with my life.
I've always found ways to build people up. Born that way and raised that way. An INFJ brought up by an INFJ. Every now and then, someone will take my little efforts to bring them out as me thinking they are superior somehow. And these folks will run with it. I'm learning to watch the pattern. "She thinks I'm great. I can boss her around because she wants to be like me." (Not true. I can admire a quality without wanting it myself.) These same folks are alarmed if they notice that I treat others that way. "Hey, wait! I'm special!" They start to tear down other people in an effort to be my number 1. I realize what they're doing and ghost them. They then go nuts for a while, chasing me around, trying to figure me out. Just happened again. Hope I see it sooner next time.
Thanks! Really opened my eyes up to the INFJ Narcissist dependency thing. Wowsers! BTW, I stopped a customer/narcissist in her tracks. She was harrassing me about my business practices and "Making sarcastic suggestions" on how to do my job better. Finally...I said: "Maybe you should bring that up in Group?" Since then she snapped out of it and was polite and courteous and spent over $350 on our computer services. A rare but worthwhile victory. In Summary: Your presentations are without Peer. And don't take crap from self-absorbed, self-rightious and abusive customers/friends/significant others!
Haha! We just have to, don’t we?! Enough is enough. I have learned at my great age, that most “friends” are users. Narcissist partners, yes I know all about it, are complete and utter users. I simply switch it all off to them
How do you know me so well?! 😂 My favorite thing to say when someone isn’t playing nice is simple saying “interesting” as if I’m Spock looking at a new life form. Drives. People. Nuts! Takes them aback. Mwahaha.
I once was an extremely tolerant INFJ. I've used the "doorslam" method only after years of tolerating bad "friends", probably because it's so hard to make friends in the first place. Walked away after 24 years of "friendship" with a couple that I and my partner grew up with when it became too obvious they didn't care about us at all. Walked away from a 20 year relationship because of a "friend's" chronic lying. And walked away from my toxic cousin and her friends at the age of 14. Three big, quiet doorslams. Since those times I don't let anyone get even close to hurting me, there's no door to slam because it's already shut. And I'm happier for it.
I admit that I give too many people passes because I know that I can destroy them by messing around in their heads when they deserve it. I do this because I know that after I give them what they deserve. I will end up feeling sorry for them even after they’ve done me wrong and got EXACTLY What they deserve…
When I don't want to door slam, I reply to the other person’s dumbfoolery with a seemingly innocent joke that hits the other person's ego in a way that, if they were to show anger, they would also show both me and themselves that there is some truth to it (as mentioned in the video ). And I will also laugh a little too loudly, just enough to make the other person internally question if it was only a joke. This way I have both opened for the conflict and the “showdown”, but also given them a way out. Usually, they just laugh with me. But the point is taken. This is only done in situations where I know I will be met in a manipulative way if I were to openly confront them. I prefer open and honest communication when possible.
I learned your first tactic not only because I am infj but because I had a lot of family members who would make unfair comparisons between me and my cousins etc, pick apart my growing body, my biggest bully was my grandparents in that regard and once I wisened up I did exactly play dumb and insult them too and they couldn't handle it! I normally hate to do that and would hate to make people uncomfortable in their own skin but they've done it to me so much I just couldn't stand there and smile anymore, I would say my grandmas varicose veins looked like certain things (she didn't wear shorts around me after a while), I knew she hated being reminded of her age so I made sure to include that often, say she looked like the scary green lady from wizard of oz 😂 and I was so nice and respectful beforehand. That curbed their bullying and in response I stopped the whole playing dumb game
I drive bullies crazy with my flat affect. I don’t flinch. But this tends to make the bully go even further and become more and more hurtful. My top bullies were a 7th grade teacher, my husband’s grandfather, and my last supervisor. They ALL got the door slam after the confrontation finally went down. I left them in the dust and in shock. I give many chances for people to make better choices about how they treat me. Bullies and INFJs often go hand in hand, until the kid gloves come off. Our strength is in our outward appearance of calm indifference and our ability to sit back and absorb information coming at us with patience, knowing within that we have the bully’s number already. It is a skill of self-preservation.
I'm so sorry.. I can relate. I had many bullies but the two that really stand out were my chemistry teacher and a girl in 7th grade that would hunt me down just to push me. One day in gym class, she pushed me out the back door and I was outside alone with her and three of her friends. She started taunting and pushing me and that must have been the final straw because I ended up on top of her punching her in the face. Needless to say, I was the one who got in trouble. Now that i think about it, I was in a lot of fights as a teenager... all were after I was pushed past me limit. Is this a normal experience?
These Five Points perfectly sum up why people get so freaked out when I get upset, mad, or have simply "had it" with foolish treatment. (#2 and #3 especially stood out, although it was easy to relate to all five) These "comebacks" can be emotionally draining, and as you said, we don't really enjoy using them. But I believe that most of the time when we do, it's because the other person had it coming! Actually, I haven't used this much any more - being older, I've found that things don't bother me as much as before. But once in a while we still have to put our foot down.
As a (much) older INFJ, I've been through the ringer until I stopped trying to fit in & follow my real self. I actually find it amusing when people go nasty. I've had to stifle chuckles when I've been attacked verbally. It really stumped my ex.
Boy, yes, we can befuddle, bamboozle and blow away snarky ppl. lol, I’d love to be a mouse in the room to witness Wenzes give a jerk a taste of the infj feral lashing. I’m grateful that I have no guilt about door slamming anymore. The synchronicity of this message cannot be denied, for me. Yes, I was overreacting, projecting and began acting just stupid with the younger guy I’ve been “dating”. Man, I was limerence-ing out. I snapped out of it and slammed the door gently, then I slapped myself up side the head and said, “Snap out of it! No limerance!!” So, your guidance is helping me “correct my course” and stop going into a stupid projection of something I don’t even want anyway. TY❣️
The way I've worded that monster part to people is that while I'm nice 99% of the time, the 1% where the monster comes out is rare in time...but if there was a way to weigh my nice/monster ... I'm balanced. Meaning that 1% monster time is half of who I am, and so its really a departure from my normal.
Yes totally true But in the years passing I have learned to mirror them back in a more decent manner but still with the firmness to get the point across. Why do I do this? Several reasons. First I refuse to go down to their level unless it is a vital necessity. I have let go of the expectation that they may learn from it, and I have chosen my own style, which is fitting my level of integrity and values. And some other reasons. I send you a lot of protection within our shared set of high values and integrity and the strength to be yourself no matter how you potentially may be pushed into a form of false submission. And remember that Karma will strike back at them, so overdoing things unnecessary is not necessary. Because Divine Justice and Karma are perfectly arranged. Thank You for your Contribution to the Collective. 🙏
Theres something ive noticed is that we are phenomenal actors, we can initiate it in an instant whenever someone is silly enough to treat us badly. An INFJ never wants to hurt anyone, ever... in an ideal world. We *KNOW* that if everyone were to treat everyone else the way we treat other people, then the world would run smoothly, so when someone is randomly disrespecting us then we let out what we have inside.
i moved from NYC to Kansas City Mo. I spent 42 years of my life playing small and being abused. I door slammed my entire family. I started a great job where my co-workers hated on me because im nice and pretty. One went to so far as to threaten me physically when she couldnt get a rise out of me. I went to my manager and was moved to a better position that pays double. Im happy but i really give it to her by showing up dressed up (im always feminine but I really blow it out of the water when i show up at work). I know it makes her seethe and im living for it. Im not being inauthentic, im just being myself, the woman i was always afraid to be. Now i relish in it and rub it in her face. She messed with the wrong one and i make sure she knows that every single time she sees me. I was also nominated for employee of the month after being there for 2 months. It made my other co-workers mad but i dont care. The more people hate me, the more i continue to shine even brighter. You want to hate and talk about me, ill give you something to talk about while leaving you in the dust.
@@NightMystique13 right.....I love people that come and judge without knowing the situation. I did absolutely nothing narcissistic. Loving myself and being my best self when people have tried to dim my light without provocation is calling being unapologetically me. I don't put others down, I don't abuse people or elevate myself by belittling or sabotaging them. I shine bright and it makes many uncomfortable. I shine bright by being kind, being empathetic, working hard, giving to others, being the best at everything I set out to do while having humility. You are free to think what you think and I am free to not care about your Ill informed opinion. Be well, I won't waste my time arguing with strangers on the internet. Argue with your liver. 😘😘😘
@@NightMystique13 You might want to retake Meyer's Briggs test. A true INFJ would know why she did that. Bbn soooo not Narcissistic. Underestimate us...that'll be fun.
@@healthychick9450this guy that responded to you could also be a prime example of a troll energy vampire, he very clearly knows whats going on in your story and the context of your situation but chooses to gaslight you and act like he doesnt understand what your saying to get you to waste time ans energy explaining yourself when he knows whats going on
Wenzes , I think this is my favorite video of yours thus far . I’ve been readjusting the dynamics in pretty much all of my relationships here recently, and this really resonated with me . Thank you.
The first time I clearly remember bluntly calling out someone and created a big silence I was about 16. Never felt bad, but letting things go so far to a door slam is something I want to prevent
I had a moment for a long period of time that I think really NOONE understands me, till I watched this video. I …get to understand myself, I am not weird , I am just different 😅😊for those may feel the same, BE yourself ❤❤❤🎉
I've had to learn how dangerous my intuition and empathy is. I end up knowing so much about loved ones that if I get betrayed I know exactly what to say to rip their souls apart. As much as it's tempting in the moment, I've learned it's more important to preserve my integrity than waste emotional energy on someone who has no regard for my emotional energy. Sometimes the door slam is as much to protect the other person from my resentment.
Thank you Wenzes for you're great message, once I found out about you're channel it litterly changed my life. before, I didn't like my personality because it caused me alot of trouble and pain but the moment i started watching you're youtube channel I learned how to benefit from my rare personality.
The first example of the monster coming that I thought about was when the Director of Operations of a very large company I worked for was having a meeting with all of us lowly blue-collar workers about moving our operation to another state. She was asking for questions and I clearly had my hand up, front and center, and I could see her scanning the room and avoiding eye contact with me. I knew she was purposely ignoring me because I had a reputation for asking difficult questions. But the funny thing is, this time, the question was very mundane. And after no one else's hand was up, I jumped into the air and loudly said, "I have a question!" It was hilarious because the reaction of the people surrounding me was like I was an active shooter. I always wondered why I never got in trouble for this but I suppose it was because I was around for so many years and my bosses expected this kind of thing occasionally and that they were going to lay all of us off soon anyway.
I feel like my power play is whenever a coworker tries to bait me with gossip I just say, "oh..." and nod my head up and down then change the subject. I just take in the info and continue to watch. 😂
I am an INFJ that decided when I was 10-11, after reading about Nazi Germany, I made it a point to never put my fear of rejection and fear of confrontation over doing the right thing. I’m getting pretty exhausted by it, and I’m about to go hermit a good while. Except I have three kids and a husband, sooo… idk what that is going to look like necessarily, but I am absolutely done with society. They are for the streets… yes, even most church leaders.
I'm fundamentally lazy and dont want to waste my energy on idiots basically . I try and conserve my energy for more impt things. Once in a while I will shoot but generally I don't bother. But it will be recorded It's more impt to conserve myself than bother about the idiocies around me.
This is one of your best videos for me. This is so relatable these days and the "tactics" you mention here is exactly what i do with these people these days😅 You're amazing!
Thing is, when it comes to letting the monster out for a quick cigarette break to introduce them to it. Is, as you know, monster comes out for 1 cigarette and monster decides to smoke a carton. When the smoke clears we have trouble comprehending how unable we were to stop it. I make a point to show mine. I recall calling out my ex's group (3) of friends for not giving a shh bout her. It ate at her good and well. I'm sure it didn't help that when she complained about not having any friends. I reminded her that if they cared they wouldn't have walked away so easily. I don't think they see it like that. I think in a sick way it was empowering to her. She thought she had this monster on her side and if she only subtly broke me down, it wouldn't go at her. It's like when you speak of our light being dimmed. She actually told me at a point that she saw me as inferior to her. I happily explained in explicit detail how that wasn't even close to the truth. I think that was the moment that broke her. That or when I completely f'd her up at bowling. 😮😂😂 I got a point average to keep up! It's worth thinking about that if we're dating people that can see us as low as they do, because we are naturally dimming our light. They're seriously not good people. It really showcases how absolutely weak they are. And the cherry on top is that they let you sit there, in the dark, and never try to share their light (that you literally gave them) with you.
Does anyone else feel like their external feeling function needs a ‘stone thrown in the water’ just to read the ripples in everyone’s reaction? I’m often finding myself doing or saying something not because it’s necessarily true or how I feel but to get a better read on the people around me… am I alone here?
I don’t ghost when I door slam as I tell the people am done with them😮 and they never believe me until I actually do it. I have done this my entire adult life without knowing I could and how I was able to shut people off like a switch. I just found out that I have done it to someone I am very attached, care very much about and love very much but they didn’t treat me right so I told them am done. They didn’t believe I could just slam the door permanently and move on. I even warned them a few times to not do what they were doing and they didn’t listen so I had no choice to close the door. Unlike a lot of people my words mean what they say with people I care about as I know how it feels when people just throw around their words and actions say something else.
The door slam was part of me until after college, I’ve kind of left it behind because in retrospect it always feels immature of me to let them upset me to that point… though that has resulted in some wall punches which really aren’t better at all.
I love our ability to spot the game, then make an obvious response of non-engagement. Snide remarks are only last resort for those who are not getting the message.
Ridicule of basic human dignity.. It really gets at me.. It's a kind of bullying even coming from a place of intellectual superiority Bullying behaviour is injustice. Some bully by undermining the value of your human existence. Some bully out of advantages in unfair situations. Some bully simply because they're malevolent and aim to cause harm to your psychological or physical health simply because they can. That really pisses me.. Now why do bullies bully..😅
human beings are inherently evil selfish beings. enough of the walking around on egg shells, these people want you exactly THEIR WAY COMPLETELY AND WHOLEY or you can go and die in a van down by the river for all they care. i cant wait for ww3 next de pop event for most of these narcissistic self righteous clowns
Thank you very much for talking about the demon, it scares a lot because you understand the power you have. In my person opinion I have work on my self a lot in order to rich a balance between between demons and angels, between positive and negative. Sometimes you choose silence or distance yourself from people or situations because you are afraid of the power you have. In every Negative situation I’m going to choose my self, I’m not going to use my power. Reason why I’m not using my power is because it destroy me, even if the person it’s the most evil person, it hurts me, it destroy me. I’m not going to destroy them, for me means I’m creating my destruction, I’m destroying myself with tools, skills or gift that God or the universe gave me to help people. Its scary, and it has a huge responsibility, and balance to know how to handle it.
Very much this. I never tear people down even they treat me horribly. Lol. I get angry with myself bc of this bc my body literally would stop me. But now im proud of my self control
@@redefinedliving5974 Always be proud of yourself. Working in your balance , working in yourself requires a lot of efforts and to respect your essence, who you are, your truth , your nature, and who you wanted to be as a person requires a lot of strength. Be proud of yourself and be proud of who you are.🌟
I'm curious if this has happened to other INFJs with their monster. I had a final "f*** around and find out" with a former friend and the "monster" came out but I never really put it back in. I've stayed a bit in villain mode and made friends with it.
I posted this for Wenzes but I thought I'd also open the forum here - has anyone had similar issues with stalking after door slams? I very rarely use these tactics but it generally comes into play from a point of protection. Unwanted male attention is often a problem for me. Most recent incident: a man (an old family friend, no less) locked me in his car because I refused to go on a 'date' with him. I was extremely polite, made legitimate excuses, but when he realised he wasn't going to get his way, he looked very angry, went into the cafe himself and locked me in the car (presumably as a 'punishment' power play type thing). I guess my reflection on that is: NEVER try to frighten an INFJ, that is THE most dangerous thing to do. I now have the police involved and have done my door slam. It is unfortunate that he is a family friend as we will likely cross paths again, but I think I will be doing a cold polite disdain or making excuses to not be present when he visits is my best option. Managing vengeful, lustful people is very difficult without being able to do a clean door slam. I have found this often leads to stalker type behaviour - not sure if some of your crew have had similar issues? I've had stalker activity after door slams several times in my life from unwanted male suitors.
I did not have situation like this but I wonder why your family will still back him up after he locked you in his car??? Imprisonment is a crime and if it happened to a fellow female I wouldn't talk to the perpetruator. What's the dynamics of why isn't the guy doorslamed by your relatives?? He put you in danger situation.
@scDM Thank you. My family sadly has some very unhealthy dynamics and we have lots of mutual friends and contacts with this man so it is very difficult to door slam completely. It would be almost impossible not to see him ever again, although I am going to do my best. My Mum reflected on what happened and has not contacted him actively, but she said if he calls several times she will answer at some point. I do sort of understand her position, because of our mutual friends. I think he is very lonely and grieving so he became very controlling and angry when he couldn't force me to fill the hole in his heart left by his loss. I know that doesn't justify it at all but I understand why it happened, I think. He is just a small, immature, lost little boy right now who made a bad choice. I think door slam is safest for me, but with compassion, and possibly still being forced to see him in public and at gatherings. Just never going to be alone again with him and I will warn my female friends.
This is me for sure! I'm really good at being mean. I don't like to be tho because I have a super loud conscience, too much empathy, and don't want to embarrass them, even tho they had no trouble embarrassing me. I also never know if I'm over-reacting because I learned growing up that I'm wrong for feeling, thinking, or doing things. Ex: me: "it's cold in here". Adult: "it's not cold in here. Ur crazy!" Or, me: "I like xyz." Fam member: "You would." Like, of course you'd like something so f**ked up and stupid because you're f**ked up and stupid.
My childhood friend thought they knew me so well but they were not in a lot of my life once we got older found that and realized they don't know me at all and is now avoiding me or should i say keeping a distance. But i had made myself so small for so long something came out so I guess my mom was right i knew of the other side of me
What situations have forced you finally stay: this is it...you messed with the wrong one?!
You're right. I am discreet, tactful, and charming, but sometimes, in fact it's very rare, the flame thrower comes out! It's burn, leave no prisoner behind, and move on.
@@Subliminalsapper Yup!!
When you’ve given someone so many chances and then when you finally confront them telling them how you feel hoping and expecting them to take responsibility for their actions and instead they gaslight you in a major way. Someone who has been gaslit by many people in the past is not going to tolerate it when they realize someone is doing it to them AGAIN. Don’t respect the INFJ? Well, the INFJ respects themselves enough at a certain point to say 👋 BYE
I am very big into social justice. As a queer/Nonbinary person of mixed heritage, I do not want people using rude language or deadnaming people Infront of me. If I hear racist jokes or observe a disabled person being picked on, I loose it. Also, if I see someone hit a kid, a pet or an elderly person, I want to flatten them.
Overtime you learn there's no need to. Given enough rope people will hang themselvs/karma/boomerang, get their energy back, you can call it how you want 😅
The younger infjs suffer a lot
Absolutely!
Im 37 yrs old and the suffering doesnt seem to go away
Be patient and it is easier than before now , do carefully what wenzes is saying
Keep a good time table and avoid bad habits
@@raft115 its not that easy... there are always something in the way
Sarcasm and Dark Humor are a defence mechanism for me. Those comebacks come very naturally to me
Caan do that too!😀
I have a catalog of neat little stories and jokes for all occasions 😂
Are you an infj
@@raft115 If I weren't an INFJ, I wouldn't waste my time here.
@Swatisingh-vu4vv healthy infjs do not use sarcasm and dark humor
Door-slam on a narcissist is AMAZING! Absolutely no guilt or bad/sad feelings!😊
I recently stopped going above and beyond for the people who don't deserve it.
Why does it feel like I'm fighting dirty when I act this way, but when other people do I have empathy. It makes no sense.
Same 😅
100%
Guilt.. it sucks sometimes!!
I was dimming my light for pretty much everyone. I'm done with that. Now I could have minions, but I don't want them. I want friends who are my equals. I have a few real friends now. Thank you, Wentzes 😊
Haha minions
That “monster” is something I’ve experienced several times. It’s the shock on the person’s face and their stunned response that clues me in and I’m shocked too because I don’t know where the voice and words came from. I had this experience in a hostile and contentious legal situation and not only did it shut the lawyers up, but they totally backed off.
I enjoy playing dumb with some people but the best thing I like doing is ignoring them and not giving any reaction and letting them think if they're ignored or getting mocked or I'm scared I just like torturing them with guessing. Door slamming is my forte just ask me about it 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
INFJ motto is “F around if you want! “ Then we unleash the wrath. 😂
I’m a Master at playing dumb and out-insulting a person who is trying to push my buttons. It drives ppl crazy and I love seeing the confused faces because it’s clear that they think they can play with me.
It wasn't really an anger thing. It was a pain thing: I'm autistic, and I had a major burn out at the time. The people I was closest to, and had always been supportive of, acted like it was no big deal.
Autistic burnouts can be life threatening. Mine was. I realized that none of those people really cared about me, and dumped them all.
I'm recovering now. Currently, I just have my animals. I'm sure I'll meet friends that are genuine in the future if I just keep following my heart. 💜 Life is good. I'll use my fancy china, and eat ice cream for supper now and then. 😊 Just because I can.
Yes! Just because we can!
🖖🥲👊
We all need other neurodivergent people as friends. My friendships never lasted because I mostly knew neurotypicals...
God bless you, my friend. kisses for you
@@merin5230 😊👊🏻✌🏻
@@TeutaTheQueen Yeah, it's good to have people we can relate to. I'm looking into finding a place to live where I can meet more of my kind. NT's are rather high maintenance. They'll think you hate them if you go a week without calling them up, when the truth is you just didn't have anything to talk about. Stuff like that is a challenge.
Door slam is my favourite, my default. It takes the least energy and I tend not to dwell on the issues, just walk away. Thank you Wenzes, you have a unique insight. 😊
same for me. But recently someone I loved did it to me. This never happened to me before and I'm in shock honestly. It hurts so much. Still I'm glad that I can understand what he did there and the reasons why. Must be even harder if you can't understand what's going on ..
I agrée.
I usually tell people in one way or another "I'm going to close the door on you" forever whatever reason, cos it's not working, cos you're caught up in yourself, cos this is draining me, cos I'm not getting enough in return for what I give to you, cos you're an idiot, and they don't understand when it happens cos they weren't listening. Which is usually the number one reason I door slam.
The door slam and dimming my light is something I’ve been doing without realizing it. I left behind a group of friends I had for yrs. They looked as me as the quiet one that didn’t stand out and assumed I would be lost without them since they were more outgoing. After I had enough I completely ghosted them. They would tell ppl I’m weird and that they didn’t know why I cut them off. It’s been a few yrs now and they still follow me on social media and see how I’m always traveling and going places with a variety of friends. Sometimes they ask me if I want to hang with them and I always reply with “my month is full because I have plans with 2 other friends”. Thankfully they’ve matured and view me differently now but even tho I’ve somewhat opened that door back, they’ll never get the same me and I only hang with them on rare occasions
I can take all kinds of personal attacks and sit silently. But if people messed with my loved ones, I go all out... I don't care. They got it coming. One of the most useful tactics is silently staring at someone RIGHT in the eyes. They can feel they are being judged and torn into... it shuts most people down real fast.
They look so afraid! They shake deep in their bones. It’s chilling for them and then they know what they are up against. 😂
That's exactly what I do.
I defend my loved ones with a fury but, I'll also defend a stranger if they're being wronged in front of me.
I can't comprehend how people can just walk past a crime without getting involved.
Eww...I have people that don't 'get it' when I tell them to stop [firmly but kindly]. It comes to the point where I square off face to face and say, 'Look. I've told you nicely several times to stop this crap. You don't want to me to tell you again.' If there IS a next time, they complain that I'm scary and need therapy. I don't up my game 'a notch' - I up it times 10. [I'll give an example...]
In high school I wore a dress one day [I never wore dresses back in the day], and a guy and his friend [a girl] that I knew fairly well [our families knew each other] were sitting across from me in the next row of desks. They decided it was funny to take their ink pens and reach over and quickly scribble on my leg while the biology teacher was lecturing. I told them to stop it. The room was full with no desk to move to, and the teacher was oblivious [in the throws of dispensing knowledge, I guess]. It happened about six times, and the seventh time they nailed my dress [which was a vintage shirtwaist dress from my grandmother]...
The next instant, he was flying backwards out of his chair to the back of the room, crashing into a bank of cabinets. His friend [the girl] looked totally shocked. I looked as cool as a cucumber. The teacher came back down to earth. The whole class wondered what they just missed. I had swung around in my seat and backhanded him in the face with my full force. [It was 1981 - we were all Juniors].
The girl hissed, 'You're in trouble now!' and I said, 'Good. So are you.' The teacher said, 'I don't know what just happened, but it better not ever happen again in here.' and I said, 'I don't think it will be necessary after today.' The teacher said, 'I want to talk to you, you and you after class.' and I said, 'That will be just fine.'
Turns out, nobody bothered me ever again, and the teacher and I remained on good terms.
I saw An INTJ doing this
I know this one.
I had to do this in grade school. I didn’t plan to do it…just came out of nowhere. It never happened again. I was the quiet one… and it sent shockwaves.
Narcissist will literally start a fucked up war with an Inj knowing they will lose.
True, they can't resist it. Walk away, you don't need it.
I never lose an intellectual debate. People are assuming and underestimate me because I'm not a braggart.
But, I welcome the arrogant, I'm better than you, jab!! Inside I'm smiling as I realize I get to outsmart this person😁😁😁
Setting boundaries with sociopaths and narcissists is important but always best to record all interactions if you are not able to immediately walk away.
Play that card with an INFJ, and they'll bestow upon you the light of 1000 suns.
Make that a million suns
As you get older you won’t be getting aggravated by people playing games, they’ll be gone. But I tell you this the people that are incompetent are the worst, I have someone to buffer me thank God for her.
Wenzes insights are so laser targeted and on point, she is one of a kind. Literally speaking ,there is no one in her category of coaching .Thank you!
She’s definitely is a self actualized INFJ.
You are good wenzel smile Love 2:11
I appreciate her also ! smile 3:43
Infj's don't hate, hold gruge or revenge people, we simply nothing them. If youre watching/hearing someone say something and it triggers you; Stop and try to understand why it does, is that an issue within you or the other person is simply toxic. People will project their problems on an infj. Once you heal yourself from self doubts, outside sources will be powerless over you.
What we don't do:
We don't insult on purpose. (It needs to be a very rare occasion).
We don't invade peoples privacy. (We can recognize certain patterns).
Only 15% of communication is verbal (oral) people tend to put most weight on that. 99% percent of people don't know their body is always saying the trueth, even if their mouth is saying otherwise. Any infj that will develop the other languages can increase their observing/reading skill 10x. Speaking about myself for a moment, as a kid I was intrigued by this and, 8 year old reading astrology books (no one told me back then it's mostly fairy tales). That didn't stop me tho.
⭐️For sure. Can so much relate. Over and over again I consciously make amends.
Humans will come out with all kinds of stupid things about who they think I am and attempt to classify me as a bad person.
I just clarify counsel through their mundane thought and behaviours. I just love them and it’s so disheartening when u form an relationship or you think you have cultivated a peaceful environment. When in fate they were never on board.
Betrayal. Is this why they don’t trust you because I can see who they are?
I dislike when they attack out of the blue. Unnecessarily. With a twisted perception accusations that are the opposite of the truth.
The emotional backlash is intense and I’m working on this. I have to find a way to neutralize the emotions.
Thanks for your Post. 😉
💜⭐️💜
Agree I don’t hate hold grudges or revenge…. Not for long anyway 😆lol.
These emotions do pass through quickly once I reflect calmed myself.
And come to the realization I have been hoodwinked once again. To get along with the Human that are necessary like in a duplex living situation. Seems to be a lost cause. At times I feel every turning moment I’m out on notice …. Don’t shine so bright. It’s the brightness that brings out human’s shadows. … egos. I want to slice it to pieces.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself still stepping for that epic balance of life.
Much gratitude and grace.
⭐️💜⭐️
@MetaTron3693 knowledge is power, and you have the ability to think deeply. Not all people are willing or able to do so. If you encounter people who are generally toxic take a step back. Infj still can't fix stupid and trust me iv learned this the hard way like the rest 😉. Stay strong my friend 🤟👍💫
✨true
@@MetaTron3693the biggest secret in life that you wont learn in school is people are evil, and this world is evil. watch your back. a world full of deceivers
Lol. I use number 1 all the time! Also, Disdain is on point. I recently (2022) had so much disdain for a supervisor, who was a horrible human being, that I had to quit that job. I couldn't understand why so many people were ok with being treated badly by her. When this supervisor approached me and tried to engage, I wouldn't let her. I kept our conversations strictly superficial and work related. She didn't know what to do with that, so she left me alone for the most part. It was her behavior towards everyone else that was appalling. I once consoled a co-worker after a meeting who was left in tears after this supervisor insulted her in the meeting and she didn't even have the self awareness to know. After everyone on my team quit, I knew I had to get out. I knew that if I didn't quit, the monster would come out and I would be fired anyway.
Damn I have had that exact experience too. May they rest in piss ;)
@@theinfjgoyim5508 😅
When I reach the point of door slam I'm so fed up and think that I'm convinced now about the other person and it's easy to cut ties and move forward with my life.
I've always found ways to build people up. Born that way and raised that way. An INFJ brought up by an INFJ. Every now and then, someone will take my little efforts to bring them out as me thinking they are superior somehow. And these folks will run with it. I'm learning to watch the pattern. "She thinks I'm great. I can boss her around because she wants to be like me." (Not true. I can admire a quality without wanting it myself.) These same folks are alarmed if they notice that I treat others that way. "Hey, wait! I'm special!" They start to tear down other people in an effort to be my number 1. I realize what they're doing and ghost them. They then go nuts for a while, chasing me around, trying to figure me out. Just happened again. Hope I see it sooner next time.
So true.
Thanks! Really opened my eyes up to the INFJ Narcissist dependency thing. Wowsers! BTW, I stopped a customer/narcissist in her tracks. She was harrassing me about my business practices and "Making sarcastic suggestions" on how to do my job better. Finally...I said: "Maybe you should bring that up in Group?" Since then she snapped out of it and was polite and courteous and spent over $350 on our computer services. A rare but worthwhile victory.
In Summary: Your presentations are without Peer. And don't take crap from self-absorbed, self-rightious and abusive customers/friends/significant others!
Not every rude person is a narcissist.
What are you jabbering about? ;) not understanding the point.
@orangetulip1261,
*Who* said they are?
I don’t have many friends. I’ve managed to shock my oldest friendships into oblivion. Door slammed!
Haha! We just have to, don’t we?! Enough is enough. I have learned at my great age, that most “friends” are users. Narcissist partners, yes I know all about it, are complete and utter users. I simply switch it all off to them
It's a sign you've developed and others haven't.
How do you know me so well?! 😂 My favorite thing to say when someone isn’t playing nice is simple saying “interesting” as if I’m Spock looking at a new life form. Drives. People. Nuts! Takes them aback. Mwahaha.
That is brilliant 😂
I once was an extremely tolerant INFJ. I've used the "doorslam" method only after years of tolerating bad "friends", probably because it's so hard to make friends in the first place. Walked away after 24 years of "friendship" with a couple that I and my partner grew up with when it became too obvious they didn't care about us at all. Walked away from a 20 year relationship because of a "friend's" chronic lying. And walked away from my toxic cousin and her friends at the age of 14. Three big, quiet doorslams. Since those times I don't let anyone get even close to hurting me, there's no door to slam because it's already shut. And I'm happier for it.
I admit that I give too many people passes because I know that I can destroy them by messing around in their heads when they deserve it. I do this because I know that after I give them what they deserve. I will end up feeling sorry for them even after they’ve done me wrong and got EXACTLY What they deserve…
When I don't want to door slam, I reply to the other person’s dumbfoolery with a seemingly innocent joke that hits the other person's ego in a way that, if they were to show anger, they would also show both me and themselves that there is some truth to it (as mentioned in the video ). And I will also laugh a little too loudly, just enough to make the other person internally question if it was only a joke. This way I have both opened for the conflict and the “showdown”, but also given them a way out. Usually, they just laugh with me. But the point is taken. This is only done in situations where I know I will be met in a manipulative way if I were to openly confront them. I prefer open and honest communication when possible.
Sounds like you are a super infj 👏✨
All shining has taught me is i wont be liked and deep down i really want to be liked/loved.
I learned your first tactic not only because I am infj but because I had a lot of family members who would make unfair comparisons between me and my cousins etc, pick apart my growing body, my biggest bully was my grandparents in that regard and once I wisened up I did exactly play dumb and insult them too and they couldn't handle it!
I normally hate to do that and would hate to make people uncomfortable in their own skin but they've done it to me so much I just couldn't stand there and smile anymore, I would say my grandmas varicose veins looked like certain things (she didn't wear shorts around me after a while), I knew she hated being reminded of her age so I made sure to include that often, say she looked like the scary green lady from wizard of oz 😂 and I was so nice and respectful beforehand. That curbed their bullying and in response I stopped the whole playing dumb game
When we are fed up! we show our rage with door slam. When we find out who u really are WE ARE DONE and never look back.
I drive bullies crazy with my flat affect. I don’t flinch. But this tends to make the bully go even further and become more and more hurtful. My top bullies were a 7th grade teacher, my husband’s grandfather, and my last supervisor. They ALL got the door slam after the confrontation finally went down. I left them in the dust and in shock. I give many chances for people to make better choices about how they treat me. Bullies and INFJs often go hand in hand, until the kid gloves come off. Our strength is in our outward appearance of calm indifference and our ability to sit back and absorb information coming at us with patience, knowing within that we have the bully’s number already. It is a skill of self-preservation.
I'm so sorry.. I can relate.
I had many bullies but the two that really stand out were my chemistry teacher and a girl in 7th grade that would hunt me down just to push me.
One day in gym class, she pushed me out the back door and I was outside alone with her and three of her friends.
She started taunting and pushing me and that must have been the final straw because I ended up on top of her punching her in the face.
Needless to say, I was the one who got in trouble.
Now that i think about it, I was in a lot of fights as a teenager... all were after I was pushed past me limit.
Is this a normal experience?
I forgot to say, she never bothered me again....😁😁💪
Thank you...for the 1st time in my life I understand and feel like someone "gets" me!✌
People have always been a little afraid of me and i never know why- I'm pretty chill most of the time :D
These Five Points perfectly sum up why people get so freaked out when I get upset, mad, or have simply "had it" with foolish treatment. (#2 and #3 especially stood out, although it was easy to relate to all five)
These "comebacks" can be emotionally draining, and as you said, we don't really enjoy using them. But I believe that most of the time when we do, it's because the other person had it coming!
Actually, I haven't used this much any more - being older, I've found that things don't bother me as much as before. But once in a while we still have to put our foot down.
As a (much) older INFJ, I've been through the ringer until I stopped trying to fit in & follow my real self.
I actually find it amusing when people go nasty. I've had to stifle chuckles when I've been attacked verbally. It really stumped my ex.
Boy, yes, we can befuddle, bamboozle and blow away snarky ppl. lol, I’d love to be a mouse in the room to witness Wenzes give a jerk a taste of the infj feral lashing. I’m grateful that I have no guilt about door slamming anymore. The synchronicity of this message cannot be denied, for me. Yes, I was overreacting, projecting and began acting just stupid with the younger guy I’ve been “dating”. Man, I was limerence-ing out. I snapped out of it and slammed the door gently, then I slapped myself up side the head and said, “Snap out of it! No limerance!!” So, your guidance is helping me “correct my course” and stop going into a stupid projection of something I don’t even want anyway. TY❣️
The way I've worded that monster part to people is that while I'm nice 99% of the time, the 1% where the monster comes out is rare in time...but if there was a way to weigh my nice/monster ... I'm balanced. Meaning that 1% monster time is half of who I am, and so its really a departure from my normal.
Yes totally true
But in the years passing I have learned to mirror them back in a more decent manner but still with the firmness to get the point across. Why do I do this?
Several reasons.
First I refuse to go down to their level unless it is a vital necessity. I have let go of the expectation that they may learn from it, and I have chosen my own style, which is fitting my level of integrity and values.
And some other reasons.
I send you a lot of protection within our shared set of high values and integrity and the strength to be yourself no matter how you potentially may be pushed into a form of false submission.
And remember that Karma will strike back at them, so overdoing things unnecessary is not necessary.
Because Divine Justice and Karma are perfectly arranged.
Thank You for your Contribution to the Collective.
🙏
Theres something ive noticed is that we are phenomenal actors, we can initiate it in an instant whenever someone is silly enough to treat us badly. An INFJ never wants to hurt anyone, ever... in an ideal world. We *KNOW* that if everyone were to treat everyone else the way we treat other people, then the world would run smoothly, so when someone is randomly disrespecting us then we let out what we have inside.
I honestly don't like how Wenzes know us so so well. I'm so good with mind games that it scares me sometimes, and sometimes I enjoy it
Wenzes, even when you want to look mean you don't look mean. (Thumbnail) 😆
I am with the force. And the force is with me. Stay safe and be well. ❤
i moved from NYC to Kansas City Mo. I spent 42 years of my life playing small and being abused. I door slammed my entire family. I started a great job where my co-workers hated on me because im nice and pretty. One went to so far as to threaten me physically when she couldnt get a rise out of me. I went to my manager and was moved to a better position that pays double. Im happy but i really give it to her by showing up dressed up (im always feminine but I really blow it out of the water when i show up at work). I know it makes her seethe and im living for it. Im not being inauthentic, im just being myself, the woman i was always afraid to be. Now i relish in it and rub it in her face. She messed with the wrong one and i make sure she knows that every single time she sees me. I was also nominated for employee of the month after being there for 2 months. It made my other co-workers mad but i dont care. The more people hate me, the more i continue to shine even brighter. You want to hate and talk about me, ill give you something to talk about while leaving you in the dust.
Sounds kinda narcissistic to me🤔
@@NightMystique13 right.....I love people that come and judge without knowing the situation. I did absolutely nothing narcissistic. Loving myself and being my best self when people have tried to dim my light without provocation is calling being unapologetically me. I don't put others down, I don't abuse people or elevate myself by belittling or sabotaging them. I shine bright and it makes many uncomfortable. I shine bright by being kind, being empathetic, working hard, giving to others, being the best at everything I set out to do while having humility. You are free to think what you think and I am free to not care about your Ill informed opinion. Be well, I won't waste my time arguing with strangers on the internet. Argue with your liver. 😘😘😘
@@NightMystique13 You might want to retake Meyer's Briggs test. A true INFJ would know why she did that. Bbn soooo not Narcissistic. Underestimate us...that'll be fun.
@@healthychick9450this guy that responded to you could also be a prime example of a troll energy vampire, he very clearly knows whats going on in your story and the context of your situation but chooses to gaslight you and act like he doesnt understand what your saying to get you to waste time ans energy explaining yourself when he knows whats going on
You got the right attitude. I’m getting there.
Wenzes ,
I think this is my favorite video of yours thus far . I’ve been readjusting the dynamics in pretty much all of my relationships here recently, and this really resonated with me . Thank you.
Nailed it. Good to see my behavior from an external viewpoint.
The first time I clearly remember bluntly calling out someone and created a big silence I was about 16. Never felt bad, but letting things go so far to a door slam is something I want to prevent
ok... i only clicked on this bc of the thumbnail. that look in your eyes 🔥
I had a moment for a long period of time that I think really NOONE understands me, till I watched this video. I …get to understand myself, I am not weird , I am just different 😅😊for those may feel the same, BE yourself ❤❤❤🎉
I thank you for the support
I've had to learn how dangerous my intuition and empathy is. I end up knowing so much about loved ones that if I get betrayed I know exactly what to say to rip their souls apart. As much as it's tempting in the moment, I've learned it's more important to preserve my integrity than waste emotional energy on someone who has no regard for my emotional energy. Sometimes the door slam is as much to protect the other person from my resentment.
Thank you Wenzes for you're great message, once I found out about you're channel it litterly changed my life. before, I didn't like my personality because it caused me alot of trouble and pain but the moment i started watching you're youtube channel I learned how to benefit from my rare personality.
Your***
HUMAN BEINGS ARE ANNOYING AND I REGRET EVER TRYING FOR THE LOT OF THEM
The first example of the monster coming that I thought about was when the Director of Operations of a very large company I worked for was having a meeting with all of us lowly blue-collar workers about moving our operation to another state. She was asking for questions and I clearly had my hand up, front and center, and I could see her scanning the room and avoiding eye contact with me. I knew she was purposely ignoring me because I had a reputation for asking difficult questions. But the funny thing is, this time, the question was very mundane. And after no one else's hand was up, I jumped into the air and loudly said, "I have a question!" It was hilarious because the reaction of the people surrounding me was like I was an active shooter. I always wondered why I never got in trouble for this but I suppose it was because I was around for so many years and my bosses expected this kind of thing occasionally and that they were going to lay all of us off soon anyway.
I love this video.
It’s great.
Basically we are very good at keeping the house/ our reality clean bringing out the trash.
Its good to know that after the door slam, they felt worse.
been following you videos for about a year, lately the level of clarity and actionable advice has jumped! inspiring :)
Once I roared. She had been yelling at me all day. No contact.
The force is nothing they want to encounter...
They will never let that happen again!!!
The door slam especially hurts, because we take it with heavy heart, like you said with people we've invested in.
I feel like my power play is whenever a coworker tries to bait me with gossip I just say, "oh..." and nod my head up and down then change the subject. I just take in the info and continue to watch. 😂
I am an INFJ that decided when I was 10-11, after reading about Nazi Germany, I made it a point to never put my fear of rejection and fear of confrontation over doing the right thing.
I’m getting pretty exhausted by it, and I’m about to go hermit a good while. Except I have three kids and a husband, sooo… idk what that is going to look like necessarily, but I am absolutely done with society. They are for the streets… yes, even most church leaders.
I lean towards 2,3,4 mostly. My monster always just beneath the surface, only unleashed when necessary 😊
There is such a thing as MALIGNANT EMPATHY. This can cause one vicarious trauma. No more.
I'm fundamentally lazy and dont want to waste my energy on idiots basically . I try and conserve my energy for more impt things. Once in a while I will shoot but generally I don't bother. But it will be recorded It's more impt to conserve myself than bother about the idiocies around me.
This is one of your best videos for me. This is so relatable these days and the "tactics" you mention here is exactly what i do with these people these days😅
You're amazing!
Thing is, when it comes to letting the monster out for a quick cigarette break to introduce them to it. Is, as you know, monster comes out for 1 cigarette and monster decides to smoke a carton. When the smoke clears we have trouble comprehending how unable we were to stop it. I make a point to show mine. I recall calling out my ex's group (3) of friends for not giving a shh bout her. It ate at her good and well. I'm sure it didn't help that when she complained about not having any friends. I reminded her that if they cared they wouldn't have walked away so easily. I don't think they see it like that. I think in a sick way it was empowering to her. She thought she had this monster on her side and if she only subtly broke me down, it wouldn't go at her. It's like when you speak of our light being dimmed. She actually told me at a point that she saw me as inferior to her. I happily explained in explicit detail how that wasn't even close to the truth. I think that was the moment that broke her. That or when I completely f'd her up at bowling. 😮😂😂 I got a point average to keep up! It's worth thinking about that if we're dating people that can see us as low as they do, because we are naturally dimming our light. They're seriously not good people. It really showcases how absolutely weak they are. And the cherry on top is that they let you sit there, in the dark, and never try to share their light (that you literally gave them) with you.
Door slam is NO CONTACT
It sucks when you are simply trying to help them recover their self esteem, and it is assumed you worship them, or something of the sort.
Does anyone else feel like their external feeling function needs a ‘stone thrown in the water’ just to read the ripples in everyone’s reaction? I’m often finding myself doing or saying something not because it’s necessarily true or how I feel but to get a better read on the people around me… am I alone here?
It's a military tactic "reconnaissance by fire"
I love your blog,cause it makes me thinking about my life. Keep on .Your such a great INFJ.
I feel bad after. but sometimes it just pops out of my mouth before my brain can stop me
I don’t ghost when I door slam as I tell the people am done with them😮 and they never believe me until I actually do it. I have done this my entire adult life without knowing I could and how I was able to shut people off like a switch. I just found out that I have done it to someone I am very attached, care very much about and love very much but they didn’t treat me right so I told them am done. They didn’t believe I could just slam the door permanently and move on. I even warned them a few times to not do what they were doing and they didn’t listen so I had no choice to close the door. Unlike a lot of people my words mean what they say with people I care about as I know how it feels when people just throw around their words and actions say something else.
wonderful video. Thanks again, Wenzes!
The door slam was part of me until after college, I’ve kind of left it behind because in retrospect it always feels immature of me to let them upset me to that point… though that has resulted in some wall punches which really aren’t better at all.
You are just amazing, Wenzes!!!! Your life coaching heals me so much and inspires me to always be myself and not let abusers hurt my feelings.
Every video you post on infj's is soooo bang on! Its incredible, thank you
I love our ability to spot the game, then make an obvious response of non-engagement. Snide remarks are only last resort for those who are not getting the message.
Ridicule of basic human dignity.. It really gets at me.. It's a kind of bullying even coming from a place of intellectual superiority
Bullying behaviour is injustice. Some bully by undermining the value of your human existence. Some bully out of advantages in unfair situations. Some bully simply because they're malevolent and aim to cause harm to your psychological or physical health simply because they can. That really pisses me..
Now why do bullies bully..😅
human beings are inherently evil selfish beings. enough of the walking around on egg shells, these people want you exactly THEIR WAY COMPLETELY AND WHOLEY or you can go and die in a van down by the river for all they care. i cant wait for ww3 next de pop event for most of these narcissistic self righteous clowns
Thank you very much for talking about the demon, it scares a lot because you understand the power you have. In my person opinion I have work on my self a lot in order to rich a balance between between demons and angels, between positive and negative. Sometimes you choose silence or distance yourself from people or situations because you are afraid of the power you have. In every Negative situation I’m going to choose my self, I’m not going to use my power. Reason why I’m not using my power is because it destroy me, even if the person it’s the most evil person, it hurts me, it destroy me. I’m not going to destroy them, for me means I’m creating my destruction, I’m destroying myself with tools, skills or gift that God or the universe gave me to help people.
Its scary, and it has a huge responsibility, and balance to know how to handle it.
Very much this. I never tear people down even they treat me horribly. Lol. I get angry with myself bc of this bc my body literally would stop me. But now im proud of my self control
@@redefinedliving5974 Always be proud of yourself. Working in your balance , working in yourself requires a lot of efforts and to respect your essence, who you are, your truth , your nature, and who you wanted to be as a person requires a lot of strength. Be proud of yourself and be proud of who you are.🌟
Respect people
Way more situations than I care to count… 🤣😂🤣
I hope you’re having an amazing week my friend! 🙂🌹❤️😘👍🏼
You’re always on point! Thank you for being awesome!
I just started this video and I am doing this tactic with ignoring insults RIGHT NOW!! I refuse to be baited.
I'm in a loop. Been in it for four years. Provided living, I don't work, I remain at my desk, till I solve this
Not worth it. Useful when it happens, but reaching that point means we did something wrong before (like no boundaries).
And keeping the harmony around and in me, is most impt to me even if I sublimate myself to whatever.
I have warned a person or two that at some point… yuppp
Brilliant insight, thank you 👏🏻👏🏻
I'm curious if this has happened to other INFJs with their monster. I had a final "f*** around and find out" with a former friend and the "monster" came out but I never really put it back in. I've stayed a bit in villain mode and made friends with it.
I learned today. I know i am different. I didn't know what INFJ was much less that there are thousands that had these traits.
More videos on our arsenal of monstrosities please.
I posted this for Wenzes but I thought I'd also open the forum here - has anyone had similar issues with stalking after door slams?
I very rarely use these tactics but it generally comes into play from a point of protection. Unwanted male attention is often a problem for me. Most recent incident: a man (an old family friend, no less) locked me in his car because I refused to go on a 'date' with him. I was extremely polite, made legitimate excuses, but when he realised he wasn't going to get his way, he looked very angry, went into the cafe himself and locked me in the car (presumably as a 'punishment' power play type thing). I guess my reflection on that is: NEVER try to frighten an INFJ, that is THE most dangerous thing to do. I now have the police involved and have done my door slam. It is unfortunate that he is a family friend as we will likely cross paths again, but I think I will be doing a cold polite disdain or making excuses to not be present when he visits is my best option. Managing vengeful, lustful people is very difficult without being able to do a clean door slam. I have found this often leads to stalker type behaviour - not sure if some of your crew have had similar issues? I've had stalker activity after door slams several times in my life from unwanted male suitors.
I did not have situation like this but I wonder why your family will still back him up after he locked you in his car??? Imprisonment is a crime and if it happened to a fellow female I wouldn't talk to the perpetruator. What's the dynamics of why isn't the guy doorslamed by your relatives?? He put you in danger situation.
@scDM Thank you. My family sadly has some very unhealthy dynamics and we have lots of mutual friends and contacts with this man so it is very difficult to door slam completely. It would be almost impossible not to see him ever again, although I am going to do my best. My Mum reflected on what happened and has not contacted him actively, but she said if he calls several times she will answer at some point.
I do sort of understand her position, because of our mutual friends.
I think he is very lonely and grieving so he became very controlling and angry when he couldn't force me to fill the hole in his heart left by his loss. I know that doesn't justify it at all but I understand why it happened, I think. He is just a small, immature, lost little boy right now who made a bad choice. I think door slam is safest for me, but with compassion, and possibly still being forced to see him in public and at gatherings. Just never going to be alone again with him and I will warn my female friends.
Your videos help me to understand myself INFJ can be a super power but also a weight
Ya need to learn to disconnect from your emotions if ya gonna try a psychopath stare… INFJs are so adorable when they act tough
This is me for sure! I'm really good at being mean. I don't like to be tho because I have a super loud conscience, too much empathy, and don't want to embarrass them, even tho they had no trouble embarrassing me. I also never know if I'm over-reacting because I learned growing up that I'm wrong for feeling, thinking, or doing things. Ex: me: "it's cold in here". Adult: "it's not cold in here. Ur crazy!" Or, me: "I like xyz." Fam member: "You would." Like, of course you'd like something so f**ked up and stupid because you're f**ked up and stupid.
The first example you gave is gaslighting; the second is subtle slander; the thing to learn is to calmly rebuke both right when they happen.
That last one hit home, shine bright!
My childhood friend thought they knew me so well but they were not in a lot of my life once we got older found that and realized they don't know me at all and is now avoiding me or should i say keeping a distance. But i had made myself so small for so long something came out so I guess my mom was right i knew of the other side of me
The occurance that is helping me most live a more peace filled life - epic infj 😊- is deconstructing and deconverting from all religion.