How To Get Child To Listen The First Time
Vložit
- čas přidán 11. 07. 2018
- Sometimes it takes us parents to repeat ourselves for kids to listen, requiring us much patience. Dr. Paul is to the rescue, giving us 5 tips to make it possible:
1. Learn to think like a child
2. Manage your Affect
3. Tie consequences to communication
4. Turning our words from garbage into gold
5. Work on the relationship
Ready for more positive parenting? Bring Dr. Paul and his wife, Vicki, onto your parenting team with The Parenting Power-up Audio Course. Learn the moral development model of control and maturity which will help you to get your kids to listen without yelling, create an environment of respect and cooperation at home, and power up your effectiveness as a parent.
CLICK HERE:
drpauljenkins.com/parenting-po...
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
HELP & RESOURCES:
========================
Website: www.drpauljenkins.com/
Books & CD’s: drpauljenkins.com/products/
MUSIC
========================
Track: Kisma - We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Watch: • Kisma - We Are | House...
Licensed under Creative Commons - Attribution 3.0
========================
Video by Nate Woodbury
BeTheHeroStudios.com
/ natewoodbury
I am a single mom of a 4 and 6 year old. Dad is not in the picture at all (emotionally, physically, financially). I don’t really have any family around except my mom who sadly has terminal cancer (I am taking care of her as well). I still feel the “it takes a village” but I don’t have and can’t find my village. I feel like a terrible mom and person because sometimes I feel I’m just being mean 😕. Likeim a bully to my young children. I don’t want to hurt them ever... I’m just so scared they won’t learn and they don’t listen till they see mom get upset. I don’t want to do this anger thing anymore. This is good advice ... I wish I had you in my ear lol telling me what to do in every situation.
Emily Everett, you have a lot on your plate! It is tough, but find small things you can do to bring joy to yourself daily, calm music, gratitude journal, etc. This will help you to think more positively each day. I am on your team and here for you with these videos.
U are not alone....atleast u recognize that u have an issue! From a man's point of view I would like to tell u that your words as a mom a VERY important especially if their dad is not around...my mom told me things and I still remember her words till this day!! You can build a champion with your words or you can create a Jeffery Dahmer with what you say to them....
I wonder how you're getting on just listened to thus video today I'm a grandmother now. Reared 6 children. Divorced. Husband never cared or helped me. Dont loose your tempe. You only hurt yourself. Practice smiling alot around your kids. Even if you're best up inside. Praise every good thing they do. Happy music to lift the atmosphere. I ask my guardian angel for help . It calmes me down in life to thus day you can raise your family . You are strong. You love them and it will filter through to them. Say as many positive affirmations as you can all the time. I can raise my family. I am happy healthy and wealthy. Dont care if its true or no say it and jero saying it. I'm blessed with my children. So many people can't have kids you have. Anyway I wish the very best for you and your family. Hang in there.
I relate to this so much! My situation is slightly different in that my Dad helped what he could, but was disabled and he passed away a year ago. My Mother is now my only resource and she is a Covert Narcisissist who only uses her position for sabotage so I end up essentially with just another bigger child I have to fight while at the same time everyone else assumes I have all this help from her and she is "raising my. child for me!" SMH.
I can feel u sis…i end up being so mean sometimes Even though i dont want to. But yes watching these videos can really work as Reminders so we can remember that our kids Are actually the most important human beings in our lives!!! Good luck 💖
1. Learn to think like a child
Compelling reason to listen
2. Manage your own emotions
3. Communication - consequence
4. Turning words from garbage into gold
You got it!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV 😍😍🤗
5. Work on relationships. Love unconditionally (even if).
Just the other day I was literally crying to my husband in asking for help to be intentional in our parenting. Our 3yo is so strong willed that even the simplest thing we ask her to do she just won’t do it. I always watch videos like these and read articles but some days i lose it and i feel so bad about myself and get very discouraged. I am grateful for people who put these kind of precious information out there so we know we are not alone in this HUGE responsibility we are in as parents.
Laila Salinas, it is the most important work you will do. Glad we can be part of your journey.
I have a 3 year old girl the same way, and a completely overwhelming wife, and im here trying to help
Because she does run all over me!!!
Try very hard to find a place to discard your guilt. Firstly, it doesn’t benefit anyone. Secondly, you’ll have horrific reasons to feel guilt later
I hope youre making progress. Im burnt out
When I get in my daughters face that is when she listens... when I praise my other daughter for doing what i ask, I my daughter that doesn't listen well now try to win Mr over by doing what I ask
Great videos! Would be even better if you try and always give a practical example of how the theory can be applied to real life. There are certain situations that are common for many people, so picking an example from them would illustrate your words even better.
Thanks Anonymity Important - feedback accepted and noted. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
True
Please give examples!
Agreed! Can you please give an example for this one? What is a compelling reason to leave fun if a consequence cannot be applied right then or if giving a consequence does not work? I give time outs but in a store I cannot reinforce this consequence. Or when I am out in public, I end up giving in to the child as to not cause a scene.
Agreed! Can you please give an example for this one? What is a compelling reason to leave fun if a consequence cannot be applied right then or if giving a consequence does not work? I give time outs but in a store I cannot reinforce this consequence. Or when I am out in public, I end up giving in to the child as to not cause a scene.
Pavlov? That name rings a bell.
Haha, Unremarkable. Very similar.
D TV
@@LiveOnPurposeTV =6
Hahaha nice one!
I wish I would have listened to this video before my first year of teaching! My School Principal expected (requested) me to yell all the time to the students; she was raised by parents she had trained to yell and now she is a yeller herself but worst of all the students were trained to listen only when the teachers yelled. NOW I see her words were never gold and I am glad to be out of that place.
Glad you are in a better place, Lyllies and being there for your students in a positive way.
I am going through this with my 5 year old. I feel as though I should have mastered this, but I feel like a failure. I tend to get frustrated with my son, and I know that he sees that, and in turn mirrors it.
Stand Tall, keep trying every day. You are the parent your child needs. You can master the frustration, it just takes some time and effort.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you for the encouragement. I will definitely keep trying.
Thank you for this free resource! I am a single parent who hasnt been a great parent because I didnt know how to be one, but now I have hope. I really appreciate your content.
You are so welcome! You are the mother your child needs.
I'm here cooling off after arguing with the 5 yo over why I'm tired of literally tripping over shoes.
I am so tired of bringing shoes to their spot or confirming that baby put them in the right spot then walking through a previously clear hallway and tripping. You'd think I were being beaten at home for how many bruises I get off of the hallway closet. There is no reason to carry around the shoes and leave them in that spot.
Your words are gold! Thanks for your amazing wisdom :) and for sharing it with us all
You are welcome, Ggg.
Thanks a lot... touching line "No matter what your job is to love them".I always want to raise responsible citizen .This line helped me where I went wrong.I am so lucky to have great parents who used golden words and loving parents ❤...I want to be like them.
Greetings from Indonesia!
This reminds me of Jesus Christ... The Father's love, "Kids need to know that they have someone in their lives who is more powerful than they are ... who loves them."
Thank you for the video, Sir! God bless you with His love. May you know Him fully as you are fully known by Him!
Thank you, Anna. Honored to be on your team.
I really enjoyed the points you went over. Thank you for your service!
You are welcome.
Man, you are pure gold!👏
Honored to be on your team.
Sir, ur making mom's understand their role in different way... its really awesome
Brinda Karthick, honored to be on your team.
Thank you for the wisdom shared here and in your other videos. God bless.
You are welcome.
Thank you so much for your videos/content!
Glad you like them! Watch for more, just scheduled another production day.
EXCELLENT KNOWLEDGE!!
Thank you, Michael Hairston jr. Honored to be on your team.
This is such a helpful video. Thank you for sharing and teaching us.
Glad it was helpful!
You just helped me as a teacher. I will definitely use those strategies! Thank you!
Alicia McBride, thank you for the service you give to our children.
I am glad I found your channel. Great job indeed. I am a single parent and this is very very helpful
Sibonisile Mdluli, I am glad you found this channel, too! I hope you feel supported here.
Thanks sooooo much dr , for sharing all these tips , sooo helpful greatly appreciated
You are welcome, zeina Shreif. I love making these videos and getting to connect with people all over the world.
God bless you 🙏🏻 such a wonderful human helping us raise our children. I am almost in tears just listening
Thank you, Noor Moussawi. It is truly an honor to be on your positive parenting team.
Thank you for the video. I also want to thank you for the custody battle video. It helped me to get my case heard and for that I have 80% parenting time. Thank you again
So pleased to hear that Melissa - honored to be on your team! DrPaul
Thank you!
Heather Susen, honored to be on your team.
Thank you for this video
You're welcome as always Ana! DrPaul
I am so happy I've discovered your channel. Really really needed this. It is tough being a parent. Very nerve wrecking at times.
I am happy you've joined our community as well, Kay Nikkolle Uson! It is tough to raise humans - the toughest job in the world. Honored to have you here.
I appreciate your wisdom and insight, your videos have helped me tremendously.
The good Lord bless you and family.
Rosie g., thank you for being a part of our Live On Purpose Community.
Great advice thanks 🙏
My pleasure!
I must say that this is a great channel with amazing content.
Sir, you facial expressions is so amazing. Passes more message than your words 😂 " should I listen to this or not?"
Chizy Nweze, thank you. I am glad you enjoy the videos.
Bro. You crushed it the whole vid but that powerful person who loves you part…that really hit me!! Thank you so much for making this video to help so many people. Countless the lives you’ve positively impacted by this. 💪💪
Beaf Supreme, thank you! Honored to be on your team.
Thanks for sharing it with us.
My pleasure.
You are so wonderful Dr.Paul. I became a better parent because of your teaching, I'm so grateful for your words of wisdom ♥️🙏 thank you!
Thank you, Chicgirlflowers - so honored to be on your team!
You made a light bulb go off in my brain. Great advice and information!
That is my favorite moment of working with people, seeing the lightbulb go off.
Such a good human been . Thank you
You are welcome.
Thank you I really need to practice this.
Come back for a refresher anytime.
Thanks for the video!
Ditronus, you are welcome.
These are golden words. Thank you Dr. Paul. obtw, there is Someone more powerful who loves you. Wise men still seek Him.
You are welcome, and I know.
Thank you
Enatalie k, you are welcome.
You are simply amazing
A sincere thank you, Gaurav Sharma. I think my audience is amazing. I appreciate you being here.
Thanks for what you do!! best practical and realistic guide for positive parenting I've come across 😊
You are so welcome!
Thank you sir, love you
tafari, honored to be on your team.
Great video. Thanx Dr.
Thank you!
Thank you so much love your content as always
You are so welcome
Many thanks from greece
dimi siatos, welcome to Live On Purpose TV. Glad to have you here.
Very informative😀
Glad you found the video helpful, Melanie Robinson. Thank you.
Thanks so much for this great lesson ... ❤❤❤
You are very welcome. Thanks for tuning in.
thank you for your videos, you helped me so much, change your perspective, change your life! ☉
Perspective is everything! Thanks for watching Ayesha Live13 - honored to be on your team! DrPaul
This guys message is on point.
Thank you, teriw56.
Thank you. You make a difference in my parenting and i am sure you help everyone who see your video
Mana Lani, honored to be on your team.
Helpful video..!
Thanks for watching ruby k. DrPaul
thank you so much
You are most welcome
I can't begin to thank you enough!
But Thank You
You're very welcome!
You are the best communicator... Awesome tips🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Glad you think so!
I am addicted to your videos ☺
Yay!
I’ve recently started working at a preschool. I work with 3 yr olds and my gosh 🙄 it’s reckless in that classroom they have been conditioned to only listen when you yell at them..and I don’t want to yell I want to be cool, calm and collected , but they don’t listen to me whenever I try these techniques or techniques I knew of my own they only listen when I yell..the previous teachers have been yelling at them since most of them started going to that preschool so now that I’m there they look at me as the “nice” teacher that they don’t have to listen to...and I’m just exhausted 😩
That is exhausting, Love Lost. Explain to the kids that there is going to be a no yelling policy and then put in consequences for the kids who are misbehaving, because that is what they are doing. Treat the class when you don't have to yell. It could be extra play time, etc.
Keep not yelling at them and they will eventually be glad to have a teacher that's the nice one I wouldn't want to be yelled at daily I bet if you keep up being the nice one they will flock to you and want to be in your class room plus they go home and tell there parents about the teachers belive me I know my lord you want to be the nice one eventually your the only teacher they will listin to its getting down to that point in the daily life of these children that are trusted in your care the parents cost of day care is outrageous and you guys working your butts off and the parents are trusting you to be kind and keep there children safe best of luck to you and try to get the kids to cooperate lol it takes a few buy it works
Thanks alot man.for future videos please make scenario videos of what you are saying.
Noted, power plus. You are welcome, and I thank you for watching.
Most useful video so far on your channel
Thank you, Andrew Taran.
This might be my fav CZcams video ever. Yep I was searching for help with my amazing toddler :)
Glad to have you join in the Live On Purpose Community, stillnangelful. See some of the other videos on the parenting list. They are growing weekly.
You deserve many more subscribers, doc. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone on my parenting journey.
Lucid Horizon, I am honored to be on your team. Spend a little time in our Positive Parenting playlist here on the channel - you also might be interested in our almost-to-be-released Parenting Power-up Audio Course - DrPaul
parentingpowerup.com
@@LiveOnPurposeTV andczcams.com/video/1TO48Cnl66w/video.html
🎥 Dido - Thank You (Official Video) - CZcams
czcams.com/video/irzOMH7GcnQ/video.html
🎥 Dido - Thank You (Acoustic guitar go back) - CZcams
Love them no matter what and even if
Gold.
Back again. If i could like this a million times i would. Thanks for the much needed reminders. I'm trying so hard. Hope I can build the relationship because i think thats sadly where i needd the most work. Love you dr paul
Yessica Peters, thank you! We all need the reminders.
Very very very valuable video!!!!!
Glad to hear that!
Can you make role play videos
of the theories you teach us. Thanks for all your great advice🙏🏼😊
I can consider that.
Thanks dr for being there,,, while parenting goes on 💃💃love u tonssssss from Ludhiana Punjab India
Thanks,
Thanks! I'm a first time mom and it helps me a lot on how to raise my 3 yrs old son.
You are so welcome!
One is easy , my first got treated like a king, by the third, you become a whole another person. All mine were back to back.
Thank you so much for your video, Dr. Paul Jenkins. It is wonderful.
I would like to know. In what's situation we should and shouldn't give awards to kids and why? Thank you.
Great suggestion! I will have to think on that one. The problem is, everyone's circumstances are so different on the channel.
Great Video
Thanks!
Great advice for trachers too.
Three cheers for our teachers! Thanks for your comment William. DrPaul
This was very useful. Easy to understand and now I'm going to research Pavlov 😁
Best of luck!
Love all your videos and your personality. Thanks for all the content and for helping people be better parents
Well thank you, rednailsNJ. And I love the Live On Purpose family! Honored to be on your team.
thank you for this ideas. ist there any Tipp HOW TO bei positive and consequent & turning our words into gold? some example would be so much helpful for me...thank you. all the best from Bremen, germany
Lois Lane, I have added some more videos, one recently on 3 things you should say to your child everyday.
I love to listing to you im not a num yet but im around kids always. You are great
I appreciate that, these are principles that can be applied by anyone.
My son is strict with his daughter and when she was small he started counting to three if she didn't do what he told her. He would speak loudly and firmly saying ONE..... TWO...... and he never got to three so she never found out what would happen after three. 😁Now she's 11 and the politest child I've ever known. She not a cowed, scared child. She is full of self confidence and does very well at school and is popular with her school friends. . I don't know what psychologists would say about this way of discipline but it worked with my granddaughter.
Lynn Cw, it sounds like his words are gold and you didn't say it, but since she is full of self confidence, I am sure he showers her with love also (and a bit from grandma). : )
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yes, thanks you're right. She's a real daddy's girl (but of course loves her mom to bits too!) and he's so proud of her. And gran and grandad are too😌😉
I have this issue with kids and the dad. It anything i can teach my 4 year old easier than hubby. My husband will push things procrastination until you are packing your bags. He's taken 6 weeks to fold a basket of laundry. Ive threatened to throw out his laundry, ive thrown it on the lawn , I have 3 baskets and he uses them all .
Wow! His behavior is saying a lot about how he feels.
This is an amazing video. Thanks! As I watched it though I was wondering to what extent the principles are applicable to my baby since she is only 11 months old. I would appreciate if you roughly indicate in your videos which councils are appropriate to which age.
Your child has a way to go to understand language, Loid Gebrehiwot. It isn't too young to begin practicing the skills so when your child acquires the language, you are already communicating as a listener. Kids develop at different rates so keep using the ideas and they will slowly begin to respond.
Loid Gebrehiwot
Nevi s baby Called Carrie like a child only 11 months old
Carrie hating baby Ashley is not are safe Carrie
I would love it if you can give more real-life examples of this, like what consequences can use etc.
It is tough to give consequences that fit everyone. Make a list of what you control and then talk to someone who knows your situation or child and brainstorm some ideas.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ok thanks, yes it's often the greatest gap is how to put these theories into practice. Do you have any videos of actual implementation techniques in real life be very helpful thanks?
1. Learn to think like a child. - they don't think like you do.
2. Manage your affect. - emotions or feelings. Don't yell and scream. Use calm voice, face and body, which means you are controlling yourself and remain in the position of power with your child(ren).
3. Tie consequences to communications. - conditioned response.
4. Turning our words from garbage to gold. - increase the value of the words that we use. - a reason they should pay attention. -#2
5. Work on the relationship. -Our job is to love them no matter what, even if.
Thank you!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV , you're welcome.
Calm face, calm body, calm scream....LOL I swear this was meant for me, again.....I have switches that 'ahem' seems to enjoy flipping...
Got you dialed in eh Georgeanne? DrPaul
If I was a fish, you’d have me baited, hooked, line and sinker!
You should the faces I make when I ‘feel’ certain things hit home and are proooobably meant for me, in part. 😞
Me too like seriously. My 4 years old Son can really push someone to the wall.
@GeorgeannePanos meditation can help. It helped me.
I get mad wen I think about how bad something or someone is in my opinion.
I cry or get sad when I think about how something affects me or someone else
I recommend mindfulness meditation
The first advice worked
Thank you, I am happyt
We've trained our one year old to come running to us when we clap a little tune. We held her on walks, set her down, ran ahead of her and clapped the tune. When she came running we'd pick her up and flip her and make her laugh. Did this over and over and she always came because it was so much fun. Now we don't have to flip her, just clap and she comes running and smiling.
Natalie Super, consistency and routines, children love them.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV oh yes. A walk every morning and every night. Plus one major activity each day (beach, pool, playground, and bath afterwards). Two activities on days she has gym class (a baby gymnastics gym)! Thank you so much for your channel. So helpful.
You really just can't be as nice as you seem, almost creeps me out, like if you went to jail , you would definitely give up your paperwork, not trying to be mean but , for real are there really people like you out there that are wholesome? You are very smart, and I thank you for your time with these videos, I wish I could smile like you do.
Jimmy S, you can do this. With the Positivity Power-up or Parenting Power-up you can develop the skills you need to be happy and confident.
It help me a lot my kid drives me nuts !!! God bless doctors
Juan carlos Beltran, honored to be on your team.
So you only have one and it's tuff for ya? Bring him or her on over and it wouldn't e even be anykind of trouble , it would just mix in with the group , learn where to sit to eat, and know what blanket to lay on for a diaper change.When I had just one I was tired a lot but he was the greatest baby ever, if number two had came first , my ball would be gone! But number 3 is my hope, my smart little girl, as long as the boys spread the name, and my girl is happy , yeah I'm good.
I am so so so lucky , that i found this video
life with maryam, we are lucky to have you in the LOP family.
You mentioned something that I was hoping you’d expand on: a child doesn’t want to do something less fun, of course! How do you entice him/her to do what you want him to do without struggle/fight? For example, transition from a fun game to a sit down lesson to trace letters without a power match. Think like a child.... okay... please help me think 🙃. My child self agrees with the kid: I don’t wanna either. 😂 and... no matter what the adult does.. it ain’t gonna be fun... so, nope, I’m happy with my play dough, thank you. 🥴. Thanks for your help and advice!!!!
Give them an incentive. If you finish your letters, then we can play a matching game. Something along those lines, Amanda S.
@@LiveOnPurposeTVwhat if they continue to say no?
Agreed! Can you please give an example for this one? What is a compelling reason to leave fun if a consequence cannot be applied right then or if giving a consequence does not work? I give time outs but in a store I cannot reinforce this consequence. Or when I am out in public, I end up giving in to the child as to not cause a scene.
Give the consequence later and be clear why they are getting the consequence. This should work with a child who is a little older than 2 or 3.
How long does it take for the garbage to turn to gold. Should I see improvment in days? Weeks? Longer?
Great question - it depends a lot on what your kids are used to. Here's another video where we address the garbage to gold idea - DrPaul
czcams.com/video/ImysaeJXjCw/video.html
diamond worth !
Κωνσταντίνος Γουμενάκης, thank you!
Doc will you mind giving real life examples as a second part to this video?? Im sure many parents are on the same boat and need real life examples, specially with different ages and understandings.. also, thanks so so so much for all your helpful vids, parenting is really hard as it is and you taking the time to help us out is very very much appreciated, i wish they had human beings here in Madrid like you, so altruist and nice!
Super nanny...
Check out some of my newer videos that have some examples. Thanks and I am trying to give more.
Could u give more exact examples of communication and consequences with the kids? Thx q ❤
We have a PDF that can help with consequences, www.drpauljenkins.com/consequences.
With #4, what are examples of the "words"? This is a great video, but that half of #4 is (to me) missing. Please? We need help with the practical application of this idea.
Why? Because most of us grew up with wrong/harsh/ demeaning/threatening words. Our reservoir of the good words you suggest is empty.
Thank you.
I see what you mean, Gerri Stratton. Any positive words that uplift another could be used. Talk about this with your child, get their input. It can lead to a really great conversation with your child.
Hi, I have a 3-year-old boy who is pretty much well worsed with 'Tantrums'. I always ask him in a very polite tone with what is right and wrong for him (behaviour-wise) , he starts getting aggressive..really aggressive. I do not lose my cool, still, give him options (both which are right ) he simply ignores and starts yelling and hitting me or my wife. At times, we try to deflect (change the topic) it works, that is where the good part ends. For most of the things (i.e. too much screen time, eating popsicle directly our of the refrigerator, taking toys and weaponizing against us, etc. ), even after a lot of easy talks, his actions start to get on my nerve.. and then I yell or punish him with a slap (don't get me wrong, I know it is incorrect and unacceptable) but it is only after this, he listens to us.
I know this is not the right approach, but deflecting, talking to him politely, giving options, or saying the right things dnt wrk out. Its like I feel that I am running out of options... what is the best way to control such aggressive behavior?
Also I feel that showing him some non action videos of Iron man, spiderman, hulk which are his favourite characters might have had impact on him.. he is like in love with spiderman and stuff...I am not showing him everytime these videos.. like occasionally once / twice a week. so is that a wrong thing at my end?
Will this superhero thing impact/ scar him for life....
These questions goes to @paul and anyone who can help me out with this issue...
P.S: Sorry for the long text
Arpan Mahajan, thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV, I'm honored to have you here. I don't think the parts of the superhero movies you are showing your son is going to scar him, so don't worry about that. As for his behavior, I have several videos that have information on how to deal with that:
"What To Do When Your Child Hits You" - czcams.com/video/mgyWqd1U_kQ/video.html
"Use This Method To Get Your Child To Listen And Behave" - czcams.com/video/fnr970AuCO0/video.html
"Dealing With Aggressive Behavior In Children" - czcams.com/video/WwWyT0CnzAk/video.html
"How Do You Handle Aggressive Child Behavior Toward A Parent?" - czcams.com/video/Dmmbfuqlin8/video.html
"What To Do With A Child With Anger Management Issues" - czcams.com/video/Mzau33PphtM/video.html
"How To Calm An Angry Child" - czcams.com/video/ehxqACWkxcg/video.html
If you want more specific help, you are welcome to take advantage of our free 25 minute call with a Live On Purpose coach. You can schedule that call here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Please remember that your son's behavior is not that abnormal, and the tools we give you don't work overnight. Remember to be patient with yourself and your son.
Little Bruce, The Independent Thinker:
This one really hits an important part.
at age 74, I am too old for this to matter directly to me any more. However for the sake if humanity (given my own strong and independent moral code), I can use my own difficult history as a good example, although society has changed so much since I was a child.
Age 5:
One day my mother said "You should do what your mother tells you. She has lived longer and knows better!"
Typical parent of the time, and maybe as much today?
Then "Little Bruce" (as I would heve been known at the time) thought: (The words used are brought into current adult parlance but the intent is the same.)
"As a child I do need a guide (or guidance) however it is circumstantially possible she could also use that in self-serving ways and that would not be fair!"
(Note that since I was born at the end of 1944, this is truly set in about 1949, very different from today!)
Without a further owrd said, I then started to deliberate: I imaginatively polled every authority figure I knew of, and saw that all of them failed my "integrity test".
The last one was a scenario involving a police officer. In Ontario at the time a police officer was absolutely well respected. I thought: "What if a police ifficer were called to ajudicate bewtween my mother and myself when she was actuially wrong?"
I then realised that even that police officer failed my test because he would be obliged to side with my mother just because she was my mother. Hence everything would have to be justified detail for detail -no more trust!
========================================================================
Looking at to days lack of morality, I did what I had to, even though that alone is not an answer to posterity itself.
Humanity must protect itself, but without expecting any one individual to do it all.
In Quebec there is an old expression, very rustic, that makes a point likely some 350 years after the time It likely would have originated in.
>
Translation: "push, but push equally".
Explanatory transalation: Imagine a group if man in a time what everything was done with little infrastructure or machinery, trying to move a large and heavy object. the environment is also remindful of that described in the classic "Maria Chapdelaine"
If the men pushed equally, that is in balance they would likely move the heavy object. However if they were discoordinated they could easil; upset it and potentially end up with it falling on one of them possible killing that victim.
========================================================================
Also I realized that nature itself does nto give up its secrets easily, and the information that comes to uis today may seem trivial or irrelevant at the time, however the day it proves important, it may come at a very high prove, so remember it anyway.
Further reinforcement: One spring day my father and I were out on a walk un a forested area between Colbourne St. and the shore of Lake Ontario. then we came on a small stream and my father said "Watch the stream, don't get your feet wet!"
I was over that stream in half a second, and, as I went over I said: "Look dad! There's a tadpole!"
(In case anyone comes from a place where there are no tadpoles this creature is the pre-metamorphosed start of a frog,. It is about 1 cm. long, black and has a tail somewhat like a fish which allows it to swim.)
"That's Observant!" replied my father. He was clearly enthusiastic about my being observant! I never forgot!
Combine that with my understanding the need to remember what nature brings us whether or not it seems important at the time, and you have one die-hard information scavenger or independent self learner!
While the information scavenger is a powerful attribute (ref also "Working with Emotional Intelligence" and the reference to Nathan Myrvhold as the person who was managing all Microsoft's new ideas at the time), it was not about to reveal what I really insisted in knowing until all to late in life.
Later I would encounter situations where, simultaneously:
- I knew i was facing a serious problem.
- I also know there was person there who knew better than I wehat the answer was.
-- I also realized that that person was trying to tell me an answer that was less than absolutely forthright.
Consequently, I listened to what they said,m but quarantined it until later I coiuld find from alternate sources, the added information to make absolute and logical sense or (a Canadain expressdion) "Separate the wheat from the chaff".
At first this quarantining period would take years, today I usually have all the answers to my many"self questions" without forther need to wait for alternative sources, however I still watch for alternative views as they may shed added light on either the original question or many oithers that lie in life's juxtaposed web very close to the same and more.
While there were many children in the baby boomer era who grew up with "damaged emotions", however when, added to that a child has intelligence of a "Mensa category", and also has an unrecognised color enhancement in his vision which accelerated the visual experience ongoing, and the loit is self-copmpounding (reminder: Dale Carnegie: "We learn by association" and the exponential "vires aquirit eundo" that infers in may ways We couldn't expect adults of that time to have had adequate knowledge to deal with what nature has done its own way albeit perhaps bizarre.
Now I need to stop as other needs are calling, and also I still havce not found exactly whet I was looking for.
Thanks for watching. Hope you take a look at some other videos.
Can you please give more parenting examples about "Tie the consequence with the communication"？Really appreciate all the videos you post.They are very helpful and encouraging for me！Many thanks
Will do - thanks for watching Jing Chen! DrPaul
Live On Purpose TV Yes please, more examples of tie the consequence with the communication. Thanks so much!
Hi. I know this video was a long time ago but I’d love some examples. I don’t understand what you mean by this.
Thanks for the advice. Do you have any example of tying the consequence to the request for a 3 year old?
Natural consequences are the best so think it through.
Honestly my son when he grew up a bit started rethinking why should I listen to her.. And lol I finally get it... Think ay their level. Funny though that us as kids never had issues in listening..
Sima, we might think we didn't, who knows? Thanks for watching.
So that's why when I stayed calm and just kept re-directing him to clean his room it worked! When he was done he got to play outside. :D
Yay! So glad you found success, Darkocean S.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV What video helps when kids are lying? I'm having trouble with this lately. Thank you.
Hi Dr Paul. I'm from Brazil and I have 3 kids. It is the first time I come across your videos! I'm really enjoying the content and anxious to try somethings differently. Do you thing the cultural context can make it hard or adaptable some of your tips?
I am not sure what all the cultural differences are. Adapt as you need to and good luck!
I'm watching...........
Yay!
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.
Steve Zanadon, so true!
Hah!
That doesn’t work