Your partner stuck in a freeze state
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- čas přidán 6. 04. 2024
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I have been like this for months. I know i need therapy for cptsd. I know i need a support system. I dont trust anyone anymore. Betrayal on such a deep level is devastating. I am sober now 42 days and proud of that. I am moving slowly and carefully back into the world. It has proven to be very dangerous.❤
Hang in there friend ❤️
Keep strengthening yourself and watch a stronger part of you grow. . I’ve read that if you focus on ‘anxiety’-it grows-so instead of allowing anxiety to grow-or grow unchecked-practice strengthening heart and mind. Life is proving to be quite hard lately-the shifting economy is really working peoples emotions. I try to do 🧘♀️ yoga-aligning Mind and body. Solutions will come slowly. Wishing you strength and perseverance !
Don't be like me and let it go for years , I'm now curled up in bed most days and my home is a mess
Wow. Almost exactly the same as me- back at 50 days alcohol-free today after nearly a year without. It’s so hard to seek support when you trust no one.
But we can start to find community here, and any progress is still progress. Wishing you lots of self-compassion on your journey ♥️
@@ldavanzo44me too, it’s an on going process, healing with ptsd-c
When I watched this my first thought was "that's like Mum". I watched my mother be in freeze state most of my life. Then my second thought was "that's like me" as I realized I've spent a lot of my life in freeze state.
Bless your sweet heart. Your comment reached out to me and I hope you are now doing well. ❤
Same here. Like mother like daughter. Im frozen in my 20's era. Honestly, whers it go? Where have I been these past 24 yrs? So strange.
Basic withdrawal from daily life. It takes a big jolt to get over/away/free from this. You are just processing your life and trying to reflect to find a place of reversal or escape.
Please say more.
What can cause this? What can break this?
Please say more. ❤
Absolutely. I keep saying, "I know there is a way out!" I trust God to guide me, but can't see the solution on my own.
@@martharodgers-martin3694 As an atheist, I hope you can find your way through ❤️
@@martharodgers-martin3694
Same here.. it feels so sad.. I want my life back
Okay, now we need tips to help us out this funk. I'm tired of zoning out, not living in the moment, being on high alert, not bring able to relax ect
Read about trauma as much as possible
I ask "You okay in there" meaning how is my partner doing with whatever they are processing. I give them space but at the same time also say "Let me know when you want to talk." Sometimes it's challenging not to take their freezing personally and it pains me to see them in that state. So, little things help like a walk with the dogs, making food together buying them a small gift. Just a reminder that we are all human and have our moments of overwhelm or why the hell should I keep trying.
For me, just having another person noticing it's happening and realising what it is is huge. Personally I think if I can be helped back to a state of mindfulness that can be so helpful. I think many people I've encountered have taken this personally and didn't realise what it was.
@@warriorqueen9792 been there. But I gotta say seeing my husband like that is rough 😕 it feels personal on this side, don't know what to do anymore..how to help him
Wow this made me cry. Cuz Ive been in that freeze state many times cuz of cptsd and there is nothing more beautiful to me than what you are doing with your partner. More power to you. You are a blessing ❤️
@@MellyMooncat in my area DBT is used for people with cptsd not just EUPD. (DBT=dialectical behaviour therapy EUPD=Emotionally unstable personality disorder). Using the skills from DBT and also learning how to calm the nervous system have helped me a lot. And just having others realising what's happening and being understanding is helpful.
You’re really supportive for being able to understand where your partner comes from.
My partner get so angry and doesn’t believe me when I try to say I’m shutting down. It’s hard enough to even express that but to be shamed and accused of stonewalling, broken up with is so painful.
Me too....or when they think youre faking it for attention or to make them feel bad, and call you a narcissist. Ur not alone
I’m really sorry, I understand that pain and I understand how hard that can be. They’re wrong, no matter how they make you feel. No matter what, I’m proud of you for doing your best ❤
@@briarcook8855 I will keep trying to learn how to not shut down so I don’t hurt my next partner hopefully!🙏 thank you for your kind words !
Leave
There are people out there who will understand and accept you. You’re not alone and those who can’t love you for you do not belong in your life. I’ve been in your shoes I’ve walked the miles and I’m here to tell you, there is a brilliant beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll find it by following and feeding the light within you. I highly recommend you do the shadow work, change what YOU don’t like about you, only accept those who accept you. Be exclusive as to who has access to you. You are worthy you have every right to live the life you need and want to live. Find balance in compromise not self destruction 💚 Dust off when you’re ready the world is waiting for you to shine.
I don't date but this feel like me most of the time, alone or with friends or family 🙁
I used to be a very passionate person and now I barely feel anything and I have no urge to do anything.
I just have no money to do anything 😢
To Airezhee...its OK to go through this. Try your hardest to ride the wave & not get swolled up by it. You have a wonderful purpose in this life. Love & light ❤
Im kinda like this now
I'm coming out of this. Off n on pretty much my whole adult life. But severely 5 years since loss of my father. He was my last parent to leave and my siblings aren't in my life (their choice) but I'm only telling you because I know you too will find your way. @karinaf9456 said: you have a purpose you are a light!!!! Keep searching you can find your way. You're here watching that means you are seeking! Continue on your journey. We are all connected and here for connections. ❤ ☮️☯️
I think it's also that you get so tired of hoping just to be disappointed every time. Going numb has become your safe space.
On days like this I find working out, walks in the morning as exercise really helps me. Just that I m not consistent . Procrastination sets in. Routine is more safe and comfy.
This is hard when it’s your parent.
I'm sorry on behalf of your parent. If they could help it, they would. The guilt they experience for not being enough for you must be overwhelming. I don't know if your parents separated and are still finding themselves, but I hope it gets better soon ❤
I am a parent of 3 young adult children son 21, twin girls 20.How can I tell them this is what happens to me a lot? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I didn't realise as a child that this is what my mother was going through. I ended up hating her for some time before I realised she was just struggling 😢❤
I am this parent. I grew up in an extremely violent home where there was nonstop fighting every day and all night long.
I now have 4 boys and my system shuts down as soon as they become chaotic (which is 80% of the time).
I feel deep shame about it and I try my best to explain what’s going on with me, but they will never really understand.. and I don’t expect them to.
Well and a freeze response seems more sustainable than losing your temper or overreacting
I’ve been stuck in it for a while now
🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀💕
me too
I know you are not alone in that. 😢
I’m like this most of the time..reacting never got me anywhere so now I’m like a zombie.
Same
I can feel like this and also dissociating....
I still can't get my husband of 24 years to understand why this happens to me. It so hard when he gets angry because he wants a certain response and sometimes I just can't. I've explained my long term childhood SA to him and he still doesn't " get" it.
I relate to this!
Me too
Im sorry to hear that. The ones closest should care and yes get it
My husband of 24 yrs struggles too. He has trauma of his own and when im shut down in freeze response, it triggers his trauma issues. We struggle to get through it, but at least now we both understand what's happening. We do our best to keep talking and share how we both feel, it helps. I think it must be so difficult for partners to deal with, particularly if they had similar experiences with a parent or have any kind of trauma issues.
@@tammymorton2411 this sounds like the dynamic between my partner and me
This is my husband. It is so hard on the other side of this situation. I feel bad for him and dont know how to help him but its hell for me too being iced out of a reciprocal relationship 💔.
My husband too. Unfair to the kids and I feel so lame telling them it's not personal. He just lashes out eventually, but I can't get him to understand this isn't a normal state to be in, but he won't get help.
Yes I'd say it's more painful being the iced-out partner. They are hurting sharply feeling your absence; meanwhile, you're in a realm beyond pain or joy- you're numb
I am genuinely sorry you're going through this as someone who does ice over. (Perhaps some vitamins will help him? I find taking b vitamins with magnesium helps anxiety and depression. Gives me the energy I need to even begin to deal with freeze state.)
@@Amanita._.Verosa._. Thank u. He started therapy and it was helping but then his therapist left the company and now he won't look for another. Trying to encourage him to move and be proactive is like trying to move a mountain... its not going to happen. I can accept that only he can decide to help himself but in the meantime I'm stuck waiting for him to "thaw out" and unfreeze. Its incredibly challenging.
@@user-vs1tc3kj3z Agreed. Im sorry u r experiencing this too. Its so painful. We have children too... its very hard to explain his issues while maintaining his image as a parent. Yet also explaining this is not the behavior we want from them (the kids). Very often I wonder why I'm still trying to make this work. I need a partner who is available. Idk if he's ever going to heal from this. It wasn't always this way. It's hard not having my own emotional needs met by my husband. Its hard not having a reciprocal relationship. I wish u all the success with ur marriage and family ❤
This happens to me a lot actually. I have Complex PTSD. I get stuck in spots. It basically turned into Agoraphobia. I'm doing well now, but that just means that I've found better ways to manage. The anxiety doesn't really go away, but I've learned new ways to redirect it. Right now, I am trying to go for a walk. Leaving the house is the most difficult part of my day. I intentionally buy very few groceries and necessities at a time so that I need something every day. Today, I need milk and will put on my boots, and walk that four mile round trip with my Rottweiler. It always helps. Exercise in general helps a lot, but it's so hard to start. I ALWAYS feel better when I walk, without exception. It's like that extra energy is exerted or something.
i perk up around nature and some good books but this is me in my room alone most days ...try my best to be out under the sun (rain or shine) it is truly the best. may break down and get a cutie pie pet. just sick of being around sick people who zap my energy to zero.
Pets are the best and give us someone to look forward to ❤
Why did watching this make me instantly cry?
Me too
Me too
same. I feel seen
Same. And I'm not ever emotional. 🫂Hugs for everyone.
Because you feel seen/heard. I felt it too
EVERYONE! IT STARTS WITH A HUG! IT ALWAYS STARTS WITH A HUG!!!
After years with a narcissistic man 😶
Please take good care.
That's me I feel like I've been stuck in freeze mode for so long.
❤
I left the military 7 years ago after 23 years service. At the time, my ex-wife and I had gone through several miscarriages and I had lost several family members. During child birth, my ex-wife come close to losing her life as she bled out, a few days later my son was rushed into hospital, he was so ill, we were not sure if he would survive. Thankfully, he did.
After all these events, I just shut down. I could get a job, and the pressure on me was immense.
My ex-wife delt with it by divorcing me. She herself now have her own issues.
What sad about all this is I could not get any support at all. To this day, when I have spoken to a professional on this, they just ask 'Why didn't I try and kill myself'. That was a sobering question!
Everything in this short video was me 6 years ago. It was me for about 3 years. In the last 4 years I've learnt so much. This came from a male support group, what was then a new group. Am I fully recovered? No. Am I better than I was? Yes.
I wish you all well in your self recovery.
Stay safe. X
My last partner, to his credit, recognised I was zoning out. I didn't fully understand it back then. I think he took advantage of me though. A friend has told me I'm not allowed any more boyfriends.
Thank you so much. Your videos help me to understand what's going on. ❤
Hi, what are the possible approaches to come out from the frezze state?
There are emotions underneath the freeze and you've got to choose feeling the grief over feeling the numbness. Once upon a time you trained yourself to become immune to grief and loss. That's how this started
Hi out in nature, walks, mercy and compassion- talk to yourself as you would a best friend … replacing negative with positive… this is what I’m trying to do little by little… struggling with grief/depression… Faith, family and friends also the Universe sent me a short by a lifter who mentioned Psalm 23 when overthinking … fold your arms around yourself for a BIG HUG … visualize happiness … XOXO to all of you… with love in the struggle❣️🙏🕊️🌎✨
Gotta get the body involved. Move in some way. I start with gentle yoga, then I go do a small cleaning task when I feel up to it. As long as I'm curled up and static I am stuck, but once I can get the body moving I am better able to process the emotions and situations that are causing it. It sucks, it sucks hardcore to be stuck in freeze, I'm so sorry, but I hope these tips help you next time!!
Someone once quoted that demons like cold feet. Movement helps. Yoga. Water plants. Something simple. It does help (and especially when we allow it to). ❤
Yay you did freeze 👏 can’t wait for fawn
I'm nervous for fawn 😅
That is me in arguments sometimes and I don't know how to stop it from happening.
Your channel makes me cry so often xx
I have been in hybernation for protection for ages...
Great, that's me atm 😢
Can you please make videos like this about the other trauma reactions? Fawn, fight, flight?
I live a lot of my life in this state.
Oh that's what it is!!!!😯 I've spent sooo much of my life in this state & actually hibernation... Thank you so much for sharing & teaching us. My psychiatrist labelled it "major depression" & pumped me full of antidepressants that did not work...
These videos i tripped upon..... and its so genius
I feel for the persons here so in touch with this phenomena
I identify with the partner stuck in freeze state. It sucks and even more for anyone wanting a relationship, aint happenin lol .
Thank you for putting these videos together. They are concise, to the point, and simply explained. Which makes it easy to comprehend and digest for those new to navigating emotional distress.
this is so insightful, thank you ❤
Thank you for all the work you do. You are appreciated.
Been stuck like this for 2 years now since my divorce 😢
Hey.... is there two of you? No way you split screened that one. Love your stuff wish you much success and wish all associated with your therapy much growth and healing.
This is exactly how i have felt for years. Not being able to explain it properly to partners has made it a milluon times harder. ❤
Thankyou so much for the video i understand it completely 🎉🎉
Spiritual quest seems on the horizon ✨️
I had never heard of dorsal vagal shutdown and yet I've been living with it on and off for so long! THANK YOU for giving freeze a name for me - and hopefully helping me reach a better place through learning more!
Within the past month or so, I began to realize that I have been stuck in this freeze state for many years after coming across CZcams videos that explain and show examples. I always blamed it on a form of OCD and procrastination, and wasn’t aware that it’s deeper than that. I also think I have issues with something called executive functioning, and I wonder if all of it is connected. I’m still growing and healing, and I started praying about this to God and thanking Him for healing me. I also hope to connect with and have consistency with a good therapist once I’m able to afford. You are appreciated for creating awareness and educating through your content 🙏🏾
This is me. I didn’t realize what it was. I know I’m depressed but recently I’ve been frozen where I don’t move a lot. It’s been happening the past few months since I’ve been betrayed by family I thought was close to me. It came as a complete shock what they were capable of. Pure evil
I realize and feel this fully. Freeze state. Being with a partner who lacks empathy, understanding and care takes me from one hour to the next with pain and regret. I am the person who isn’t good enough, isn’t on the same level of life and who is happy and grateful for the here and now. I don’t get excited with him about anything bc the bottom will fall out and the ooze will be all over myself. Wanting to put one foot in front of the other isn’t enough anymore. It doesn’t work. I fall down every time.
It’s an enormous amount of energy to do the smallest task.
Ugh that^^^ its exhausting.. In seeing everyone else around you so motivated and getting productive things done many times a day & I wouldn't about enjoying life experiences traveling etc.
Makes you feel like you're missing out and like something is so wrong. Wondering when it's going to change and HOW? 💔 that's my life for yrs now..
👁️🧙👻These two know each other, like foxes married by blood on the black mountain. ❤️🔥👻👻🙏
cool this means I've been in freeze all my life, now I have an excuse for my never-ending procrastination 💃🏻
😢 that's how I feel...
Hair tissue mineral analysis, see how mineral imbalances can contribute to this, fight, flight, freeze
Looks like cpstd, you've been abused so much, that you live in a unresponsive state. Unfortunately, this is me.
It's terrible when you are shamed for being in freeze mode. People don't know the harm they inflict upon others sometimes.
I was frozen all my life, but I only realised it a year ago. I ve managed to get out of but there are times when I slip back and it is brutal. It feels stronger now that I actually allow it and observe myself while it is happening. It happened a few days ago at the therapist. She made me angry and I froze, I couldn't either talk, I just stared at the distance and try to get rid off the feeling of being extremely numb.
You are not alone
We are in this together
My son’s father was like this before he decided to walk away from us when our little one was just 7months old. He is getting help these days.
This is my dad at 82, my poor Mum
Thank you for the education. This helps heal. ❤🕊️
my nickname in highschool and home was zombie.
😢❤
I struggle. I'm alone in this struggle, even my children have disowned me
Do you have any tips for getting out of the freeze state for both sides of the situation?
I'm feeling that these days..
2 really big good things happened that I was praying for ,for soooo long and my prayers were answered and I was experiencing so much pain emotionally that I shut down so I pushed out the emotions .. I came around a little but it was nothing compared to how one would act normally 😢
This explains so much 🥺😔
Been there myself, but now I see my husband there and it is so though 😕 don't know what to do or how to help. Feels hopeless.
Lots of hugs and kisses. Find out his love language and love him. His favourite food, shows, outfit on you. Music playlists
It's worse when you have someone who really loves you, who you want to give the world to, who deserves more than you feel you can give but you can't even understand you're present.
Omg this is me!
And people are sick of it, so no family or friends for over a decade.😢
🥺 dis me I can’t move and I have to pretend. I could be at funeral, work or party and feel nothing on the inside
i call it being in my own world. i hear my family but is like they are far away when they could be next to me talking
Yup
Try it
It sucks
Wish my brain would ask me permission before allowing my body to do this. But I guess I am my brain so that gets a little bit existential to think about, doesn’t it?
I get stuck but while i got on music and forget what all i was doing....freak out and over stimulate myself with all the tasks. 😂 a hot mess and as i grow older at age 30 now its worse and not medicated which im getting to the point of needing to do so.
The music is so melancholy, fits the video perfectly. What's track is it.
Big problem for me. Since basically childhood it’s been this way
Been really working with this the past 1.5 years and it sucks!! I've become so much more aware of it and just started somatic therapy (plus normal therapy), but it gets really hard to stay optimistic that life can get better.
It’s true
I’ve felt like this as since my father passed. I’m trying to shake it
How to "defrost" ourselves and those we love in this state?
Try Jesus....HE IS THE WAY...😊❤
That used to be me for yeeeeears. I’m free now.
Freeze sucks. I keep walking the walk. Yesterday I was in a fender bender. I hadn’t been out in a week. Was going to a yoga class. For perspective, he got the citation. But I spent the rest of the day frozen, brushing the dog.
Keep trying. You may not succeed. But keep trying.
I’m like this 24/7. However I show affection very much though. But from the other two, Can’t get out of it, I have adhd and anxiety disorder, and maybe also undisgnosed cptsd..Regardless.. I want to heal, but it’s a struggle. ❤
Are they related?? I need this answered lol! Thanks for the videos they are super helpful!
I just had this feeling of death wash over me, I think it's abandonment pain.
I’m struggling with that right now! I’m just so stuck
Well if it's been like that the entire time you've known them I'd say they never checked in
Yeah, the vague stare. CD ant even move eyes.
I know it’s a complicated answer, but how do you get out of this?
I'm like this for 3 months now
Been in that state for 20 years or more.
HOW DO U GET OUT OF THIS STATE? I can’t stand it anymore. As I get older it is getting worse and I am only 53yrs old.
I'm the frozen partner. The partner is me 😭
Been here most my life. I don't even know who I am.
🙌
❤❤❤
My husband healed me by fully believing my stories of childhood abuse by my mother and making sure I knew he loved me and was on my side, different from others (family members and my mother’s friends) who thought I was making it up. She was deceased and they wouldn’t allow my truth out of “loyalty” to her.
That's wonderful! Best to you both ❤❤
How can we get out of dorsal state when we have been in it for years ? Please give tips thank you
❤
Yup me too 😮😮😮
Ive had this state off/on for 20yrs, I have no response to any vagal nerve stim
Help me, Lord. 😢
Ive been stuck in this state for 6 years