My daughter believes her lies, she’s accused people of horrible things and ruined people’s lives. I always called her out on her lies so she cut me out of her life completely 8 years ago and has done nothing but smeared my name. It hurts, but to to be honest my mental health is so much better since she’s not been in my life.
I came from a wonderful childhood my mother and father were very supportive always there and taught me kindness love moral character. Of course during my teenage years I tried my parents every child goes I was grounded sat down and spoke to and at the time I didn’t understand thought they were over protective didn’t know what they were taking about but when that stage was over I understood in my maturity. Is any family perfect no they were arguments but we always, I can’t ever think of anything my parents did that scared me. I saw two married couple who loved each other supported each other and loved me. We always showed loved, told each other we loved each other. I as a parent did the same thing with my child and the relationship is totally different. So where in this concept and ever environment is different did I create such a different type of person. I think sometimes no matter how loving no matter what support you give what ever values and morals you teach it’s the individual person and how they this is the key word CHOOSE to be in life it’s nobody’s fault in some individuals. Nothing scared them nothing in there background would ever predict they turn out the way they did. Where you a perfect person no no one is, but there’s nothing in there childhood but Love and they are cold manipulative, hurtful! I Believe a lot Of times people just again CHOOSE to Be who they are and will never change. When you see this the only thing you can do as hard is it is for your own sanity and some type of productive life is let them go. It’s hard you go through guilt what did I do was this my fault and then in your healing process you just realize they are who they are and leave them to God and pray for them. I’ve learned not everyone is good some people are evil and it’s no one’s fault somewhere something Went wrong in there mind like a sickness that no amount of therapy will ever change that person.
Thank you for your insight, Tammy! No one knows for sure how narcissists become who they are. It's the desire to produce the answer that ultimately created and promotes the THEORY that the narcissist was mistreated in childhood. They were too spoiled (abuse); they were neglected (abuse), etc. Why can't "experts" honesty say that some young human beings are difficult and manipulative because they are. The same way no one teaches a two year old to have a tantrum. For some adults, the tantrums never end, and it's nobody's fault.
Yes it is the blame game, always. EVERYONE. EVERYONE has pain and hurts in their lives, and will have. It is sooooo easy to blame someone else for everything in our lives and especially our behavior and choices so it is then "excused"/"justified" in our/their eyes (and others), and then the behavior doesn't have to change. I have 3 adult narcissist daughters. I am an abuse survivor from my childhood. I had issues until I took responsibility for my actions and thoughts and patterns from that abuse. I never abused them but now they say that I am the narc. I took the tests several times just to make sure and I will admit that I have had a couple of the traits but I did not "pass" the test of being one. I can look at myself and see the failures and where I need to change/improve and take responsibility, apologize sincerely... Yet my kids cannot. Tried to make amends and go forward correctly. Works for a short time then they are back to the same tactics.
I, also, came from a loving, caring family. There were no harsh words, no yelling and any disagreements my parents had they had in private. I brought that environment into my parenting. My daughters, now 28 and 29 years old, have little regard for me or my feelings. I am an emotional "punching bag". I have, at times, pulled back from them to let my heart heal a little. I never yelled or called names when raising the girls. I was always loving and gentle with them as I adopted them as infants when I was 50 years. I had so much love to give and my girls liked the love and attention. They just never could return it.
The mental profession is still in infancy, look at what they have done in the past to people. They take people who are struggling in life, tell them they had a terrible childhood, turn them against their family and cause years of despair for everyone. No one is perfect, we are just human trying to learn everyday, we were parents loving our children in the best way we could.
I've accepted reponsibility that made mistakes and contributed to my son becoming the abusive narcissist that he is. I have apologized profusely over and over again. There was a divorce, he was three years old ... no significant interaction with his father until his twenties.He also was raised by his narcissistic grandmother (my mother) so "who knows" . I'm to blame for everything and he punishes me over and over again. I've been at this now for over twenty years, it is time to let it go and that means no contact. It's a horrible place to be in. For my own sanity in my sixty's I have to let go.
Why place it on the parent and not the “mortal experience” we ALL share. Parents are not the ONLY people that influence children. Depending on the child’s birth situation there are multiple human influencers in their lives even before they reach puberty.
Oh my goodness. I never knew that over loving your kids, having zero boudaries, always buy them things even though I can't really afford it. I always wanted to protect them frim any and all pain and hurt. I overpraised them when praise wasn't due, coz I wanted them to see how precious they are to me etc. I am the cause of my 2 adult Narcissistic adult children. I can never undo what I did 😢. We are estranged now and i felt guilty for feeling so free and at peace with them gone. Oh and the fynny part was, when they said they just want 1 child to spoil rotten coz they couldn't get what they wanted in life . So the very best we gave, is seen as useless to them.
It really cuts deep to know all you get are ‘scraps’ of their heart..next to the fact that as a mom I played a part toward this behavior😔.. A mom tries so hard to protect and love her children yet the damages of my childhood life and their trauma did of course seep its way into their hearts.. When I remarried 18 years ago, I apologized to my children for whatever wrongdoing happened in my parenting as a single mom.. I did it for me, so they know I’m just as imperfect, a sinner saved by God’s grace.. My life with my husband, 3 grown kids and grandkids has been a good one even though my oldest exemplifies narcissistic ways.. you are right about the scraps but I’ve had to learn how to approach without disappointment, and it’s good on my end💪🏽! This video affirms things I’ve learned and need to learn, thank you!
So you gave your kids scraps as a single mother, and now whine that they give you scraps back as adults. Kids need to be loved at a young age in order to be able to love
It is wisdom like this that gives us power to break generational curses and change the course of our family lineage. Knowledge and accepting our own work to be done is so very freeing. Looking forward to improving relationships that aren’t healthy. Thank you.
This video is 1000% legit. So glad you had the balls to call out parents, not in a hurtful or demeaning way, but in a way that raises our understanding about the crap we did to our kids that helped get them to this point.
Your video has helped, because the more knowledgeable we are in life, the more we're equiped to handle difficult people! God always equips us before confrontations with such people.
Awesome info Kenny. It has only been several months that I realized my Daughter had become her Mother. It's not as easy to walk away from this relationship. I found your insight very useful, but all I could hear in my head was the serenity prayer. We have much in common. Please, keep on keeping on.
Ezekiel 11:19: Then l will give them one heart, and l will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh*
i was having problems telling people that my son does not respect boundaries. He was in his early 20s and my son convinced someone that he would change if we have a contract this person only knew my son for a couple of days. Number 1 he is too old to write a behavior contract 2) it is a waste of time. I learned a lot threw heartache and abuse.
We went through this with our son.... it was a nightmare but he was becoming domineering and controlling of our home and property like he owned the place and us so it was time for him to go.... and my husband wasn't fully on board with pushing him out.... even though the son was causing much drama and problems in my marriage....... so it was on me to find him an apartment and tell him he had to be out by a certain day.... he ignored me at first..... I threatened going to the sheriff and having him removed from our home if he didn't go..... he believed..... and he had enough pride he didn't want a scene in our yard for the neighbors to gawk at....... then after he was out, no letting him sleep at our home anymore...... and I had to stand firm with my husband and my son that this was the right thing..... I was backed up on this by our local sheriff and chief of police..... This son was 25 when he got out ..... he should have got out a few years earlier....... it has taken a long time but he is a bit better and a bit more mature now...... narcissistic with me and his dad but not quite as much as he had been before moving out...... it's scary....
Thank you so much. There is so much hurt and narcissism in my childhood. My mother was narciststic, my brother, my mothers brother and a cousin. I became a HSP = high sensetive person. Its bin hard. Im geting help from a therapist now.
I believe step-parents and misfortunes with others who interacted wrongly with our children like those who are mean, selfish, and contolling can cause most narcissistic issues in our children than we parents who are always positively reassuring and uplifting and trying to mending the broken hearts and souls! It's not necessarily the parent to blame.
Iv got wounds parents always arguing one narcissistic parent my dad one good parent my mum ,my dad always drinking gambling my mum always trying to stop him and put the money into the home,all caused by my dad,very good information thanks👍
Amazing. Best video so far on the matter. Thank you 🙏 The end of the vidéo reminds me of a movie a saw recently : Olfa’s daughters. The core of the movie is responsibility instead of blame, becoming conscious of the roots and the consequences of our actions as parents, and the educational curse throughout generations. This movie is a master piece that illustrates very well this citation at the end.
Thank you for these helpful videos. Do you know if there are group support for parents of estranged, narcissistic children? This is the most painful situation I am experiencing as a mother. I know there are all these group support for divorce…alcohol… in person or online.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS, I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS MY KIDS DAD IS HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC TOXIC HE HAS NO EMPATHY..I BECAME SICK LAST WEEK NO CONCERN FROM MY PARTNER AT ALL..HE DIDNT GO TO. EMERGENCY ROOM WITH ME HE DIDNT EVEN ASK ME HOW I WAS DOING... I HAVE A 18 YEAR OLD SON HE IS ALSO NARCISSISTIC HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DISRUPTIVE. MOOD DYSREGULATION. DISORDER.. MY SON IS ALSO ANT SOCIAL ..... HE IS INCREDIBLY CRUEL AND RUDE....SPOILED BRAT. MY QUESTION TO YOU IS CAN MY SON CHANGE..???
Yes most teenagers can be diagnosed with countless conditions because of all the changes they are experiencing as they mature. As I say in all of my videos, if we want our children to adjust and change we need to adjust and change ourselves. We also need to become an expert in parenting. In other words instead of putting the focus on demanding our children change we need to put the focus on changing ourselves.
What do you do if questioning them only causing them to rage/hold a grudge or seek revenge for the perceived slight to their all powerful ego? I can't ask anything since he thinks he's all knowing (how dare I question him) and on the same playing field as I am. He's been diagnosed ODD since he was 11 but other people in his life noticed the behaviors since he was 5. He is 15 now.
@@kennyweiss thank you! Have you done a video on tips on how to deal w a child (15 and under) who's very clearly on the path to becoming a narcissist, and/or already one?
Will my childhood had two parents both validated loved supported me I only remember two arguments between them I was with my daughter's father only until she was 3 months old after 9 years with him having a baby made me realize that he wasn't going to grow up at that point in time I have been with him for 15 till 20 through the mountain when the baby was 2 months old. Met her stepfather when she was 5 months old. I mean unless she and her father biological father's sporadically damaged her I just don't know I was a stay-at-home mother I was very involved with the school I was the Kool-Aid house. She had elaborate birthday parties she was in every sport she was in Ski Club gymnastics cheerleading you name it Ski Club. I personally thought she was such a brat later in life she didn't get ugly mean until about 15 she's always wanted to be the center of attention but that is because she just was people stopped us and she was 1 years old to tell me how pretty she was teacher didn't want to hold her back with failing grades told me her personality and charm would give her through what was my only answer was what. I made them hold her back. She's 35 now. Doesn't have custody of my grandson doesn't seem to care makes no effort run to the roads guy to guy she's cruel she's mean and I'll never understand it. She was not abused in any way she's my only child the planned child and I devoted every single day of my life to her happiness so I don't understand I can't think of any trauma this kid had
My mother believes I'm a narcissist because I won't play the part she wrote for me in the charade that is our family. I tried to have a conversation with her, to ask her to hear my perspective. But she refused. Classic DARVO and accusations of my being a narcissist. Over the last four years I've realised that it's like this. Her perspective is reality. Mine is ''detached from reality''. In the wider family, only her perception of me is real. My perception of them is ''insanity''. The classic ''you're mad''. There will be a lot of parents listening to this video who are incapable of switching to adult to adult reciprocal equal communication with an adult child.
My daughter believes her lies, she’s accused people of horrible things and ruined people’s lives. I always called her out on her lies so she cut me out of her life completely 8 years ago and has done nothing but smeared my name. It hurts, but to to be honest my mental health is so much better since she’s not been in my life.
"The inability to accept truth" so true
Sadly, yes
thank you so much for this. It really rang true
I came from a wonderful childhood my mother and father were very supportive always there and taught me kindness love moral character. Of course during my teenage years I tried my parents every child goes I was grounded sat down and spoke to and at the time I didn’t understand thought they were over protective didn’t know what they were taking about but when that stage was over I understood in my maturity. Is any family perfect no they were arguments but we always, I can’t ever think of anything my parents did that scared me. I saw two married couple who loved each other supported each other and loved me. We always showed loved, told each other we loved each other.
I as a parent did the same thing with my child and the relationship is totally different. So where in this concept and ever environment is different did I create such a different type of person. I think sometimes no matter how loving no matter what support you give what ever values and morals you teach it’s the individual person and how they this is the key word CHOOSE to be in life it’s nobody’s fault in some individuals. Nothing scared them nothing in there background would ever predict they turn out the way they did. Where you a perfect person no no one is,
but there’s nothing in there childhood but
Love and they are cold manipulative, hurtful! I
Believe a lot
Of times people just again CHOOSE to
Be who they are and will never change. When you see this the only thing you can do as hard is it is for your own sanity and some type of productive life is let them go. It’s hard you go through guilt what did I do was this my fault and then in your healing process you just realize they are who they are and leave them to God and pray for them. I’ve learned not everyone is good some people are evil and it’s no one’s fault somewhere something
Went wrong in there mind like a sickness that no amount of therapy will ever change that person.
Thank you for your insight, Tammy! No one knows for sure how narcissists become who they are. It's the desire to produce the answer that ultimately created and promotes the THEORY that the narcissist was mistreated in childhood. They were too spoiled (abuse); they were neglected (abuse), etc. Why can't "experts" honesty say that some young human beings are difficult and manipulative because they are. The same way no one teaches a two year old to have a tantrum. For some adults, the tantrums never end, and it's nobody's fault.
Yes it is the blame game, always. EVERYONE. EVERYONE has pain and hurts in their lives, and will have. It is sooooo easy to blame someone else for everything in our lives and especially our behavior and choices so it is then "excused"/"justified" in our/their eyes (and others), and then the behavior doesn't have to change.
I have 3 adult narcissist daughters. I am an abuse survivor from my childhood. I had issues until I took responsibility for my actions and thoughts and patterns from that abuse. I never abused them but now they say that I am the narc. I took the tests several times just to make sure and I will admit that I have had a couple of the traits but I did not "pass" the test of being one. I can look at myself and see the failures and where I need to change/improve and take responsibility, apologize sincerely... Yet my kids cannot. Tried to make amends and go forward correctly. Works for a short time then they are back to the same tactics.
I, also, came from a loving, caring family. There were no harsh words, no yelling and any disagreements my parents had they had in private.
I brought that environment into my parenting. My daughters, now 28 and 29 years old, have little regard for me or my feelings. I am an emotional "punching bag". I have, at times, pulled back from them to let my heart heal a little. I never yelled or called names when raising the girls. I was always loving and gentle with them as I adopted them as infants when I was 50 years. I had so much love to give and my girls liked the love and attention. They just never could return it.
The mental profession is still in infancy, look at what they have done in the past to people. They take people who are struggling in life, tell them they had a terrible childhood, turn them against their family and cause years of despair for everyone. No one is perfect, we are just human trying to learn everyday, we were parents loving our children in the best way we could.
@@sandramorton5510true
I've accepted reponsibility that made mistakes and contributed to my son becoming the abusive narcissist that he is. I have apologized profusely over and over again. There was a divorce, he was three years old ... no significant interaction with his father until his twenties.He also was raised by his narcissistic grandmother (my mother) so "who knows" . I'm to blame for everything and he punishes me over and over again. I've been at this now for over twenty years, it is time to let it go and that means no contact. It's a horrible place to be in. For my own sanity in my sixty's I have to let go.
You did no contact
My adult child treats me in a narcissistic manner, but I'm not aware that she treats others this way at all. Will you please talk about this dynamic?
Why place it on the parent and not the “mortal experience” we ALL share. Parents are not the ONLY people that influence children. Depending on the child’s birth situation there are multiple human influencers in their lives even before they reach puberty.
Oh my goodness. I never knew that over loving your kids, having zero boudaries, always buy them things even though I can't really afford it. I always wanted to protect them frim any and all pain and hurt. I overpraised them when praise wasn't due, coz I wanted them to see how precious they are to me etc. I am the cause of my 2 adult Narcissistic adult children. I can never undo what I did 😢. We are estranged now and i felt guilty for feeling so free and at peace with them gone.
Oh and the fynny part was, when they said they just want 1 child to spoil rotten coz they couldn't get what they wanted in life . So the very best we gave, is seen as useless to them.
It really cuts deep to know all you get are ‘scraps’ of their heart..next to the fact that as a mom I played a part toward this behavior😔.. A mom tries so hard to protect and love her children yet the damages of my childhood life and their trauma did of course seep its way into their hearts.. When I remarried 18 years ago, I apologized to my children for whatever wrongdoing happened in my parenting as a single mom.. I did it for me, so they know I’m just as imperfect, a sinner saved by God’s grace.. My life with my husband, 3 grown kids and grandkids has been a good one even though my oldest exemplifies narcissistic ways.. you are right about the scraps but I’ve had to learn how to approach without disappointment, and it’s good on my end💪🏽! This video affirms things I’ve learned and need to learn, thank you!
So you gave your kids scraps as a single mother, and now whine that they give you scraps back as adults. Kids need to be loved at a young age in order to be able to love
It is wisdom like this that gives us power to break generational curses and change the course of our family lineage. Knowledge and accepting our own work to be done is so very freeing. Looking forward to improving relationships that aren’t healthy. Thank you.
You’re welcome 😀
It could be one parent that was a narc
Omg this is SO TRUE! Wow never thought to do that. And Yes mine would say im stupid...thats the same thing her Father does. Ty for this!
You’re welcome 😁
Truthful, helping,wise information takes 20+ years to learn, thank you for saving someone 20 years of their life! 💪🔥❤️💙✝️🥰💯
You’re welcome 😁
This video is 1000% legit. So glad you had the balls to call out parents, not in a hurtful or demeaning way, but in a way that raises our understanding about the crap we did to our kids that helped get them to this point.
How about bunch of crap adult toxic children did to the parents? It's time to stand up to elder abuses!
Your video has helped, because the more knowledgeable we are in life, the more we're equiped to handle difficult people!
God always equips us before confrontations with such people.
Awesome info Kenny. It has only been several months that I realized my Daughter had become her Mother. It's not as easy to walk away from this relationship. I found your insight very useful, but all I could hear in my head was the serenity prayer. We have much in common. Please, keep on keeping on.
You’re welcome Barry
Ezekiel 11:19:
Then l will give them one heart, and l will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh*
Lovely lovely background and setup
i was having problems telling people that my son does not respect boundaries. He was in his early 20s and my son convinced someone that he would change if we have a contract this person only knew my son for a couple of days. Number 1 he is too old to write a behavior contract 2) it is a waste of time. I learned a lot threw heartache and abuse.
This video was brilliant!! Thank you so much. It will help me with my 30 year old son.
You’re so welcome 😁
How to get a 23 year old victim narcissist to move out of their tired parents home?
We went through this with our son.... it was a nightmare but he was becoming domineering and controlling of our home and property like he owned the place and us so it was time for him to go.... and my husband wasn't fully on board with pushing him out.... even though the son was causing much drama and problems in my marriage....... so it was on me to find him an apartment and tell him he had to be out by a certain day.... he ignored me at first..... I threatened going to the sheriff and having him removed from our home if he didn't go..... he believed..... and he had enough pride he didn't want a scene in our yard for the neighbors to gawk at....... then after he was out, no letting him sleep at our home anymore...... and I had to stand firm with my husband and my son that this was the right thing..... I was backed up on this by our local sheriff and chief of police..... This son was 25 when he got out ..... he should have got out a few years earlier....... it has taken a long time but he is a bit better and a bit more mature now...... narcissistic with me and his dad but not quite as much as he had been before moving out...... it's scary....
30-day notice is what it took for me
Thank you so much. There is so much hurt and narcissism in my childhood. My mother was narciststic, my brother, my mothers brother and a cousin. I became a HSP = high sensetive person. Its bin hard. Im geting help from a therapist now.
You’re very welcome and I’m happy to hear that you’re getting help😁
I forgot to tell that my daughter is 100% narcisistic
I believe step-parents and misfortunes with others who interacted wrongly with our children like those who are mean, selfish, and contolling can cause most narcissistic issues in our children than we parents who are always positively reassuring and uplifting and trying to mending the broken hearts and souls! It's not necessarily the parent to blame.
No its the parents, really ...observable fact ...peace
@@user-cn7fc2se5kno
Iv got wounds parents always arguing one narcissistic parent my dad one good parent my mum ,my dad always drinking gambling my mum always trying to stop him and put the money into the home,all caused by my dad,very good information thanks👍
Amazing. Best video so far on the matter. Thank you 🙏 The end of the vidéo reminds me of a movie a saw recently : Olfa’s daughters. The core of the movie is responsibility instead of blame, becoming conscious of the roots and the consequences of our actions as parents, and the educational curse throughout generations. This movie is a master piece that illustrates very well this citation at the end.
Thank you for these helpful videos. Do you know if there are group support for parents of estranged, narcissistic children? This is the most painful situation I am experiencing as a mother. I know there are all these group support for divorce…alcohol… in person or online.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS,
I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS MY KIDS DAD
IS HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC TOXIC HE HAS NO EMPATHY..I BECAME SICK
LAST WEEK NO CONCERN FROM MY PARTNER AT ALL..HE DIDNT GO TO. EMERGENCY ROOM WITH ME HE DIDNT EVEN ASK ME HOW I WAS DOING...
I HAVE A 18 YEAR OLD SON HE IS ALSO NARCISSISTIC
HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DISRUPTIVE. MOOD DYSREGULATION. DISORDER..
MY SON IS ALSO ANT SOCIAL .....
HE IS INCREDIBLY CRUEL AND RUDE....SPOILED BRAT.
MY QUESTION TO YOU IS CAN MY SON
CHANGE..???
Yes most teenagers can be diagnosed with countless conditions because of all the changes they are experiencing as they mature. As I say in all of my videos, if we want our children to adjust and change we need to adjust and change ourselves. We also need to become an expert in parenting. In other words instead of putting the focus on demanding our children change we need to put the focus on changing ourselves.
@@kennyweiss
Thank You For EXPLAINING THIS🙏
But you stayed? Why?
I don't have any hurts from my parents
Thank you so much.
You're welcome!
Generational trauma
Yep 👍
Wow. Thank you!
You're welcome!
What do you do if questioning them only causing them to rage/hold a grudge or seek revenge for the perceived slight to their all powerful ego? I can't ask anything since he thinks he's all knowing (how dare I question him) and on the same playing field as I am. He's been diagnosed ODD since he was 11 but other people in his life noticed the behaviors since he was 5. He is 15 now.
Well I hope he isn't on any meds and it's not too late
Incredible video! You've gained a sunsciber
Thank you and welcome
@@kennyweiss thank you!
Have you done a video on tips on how to deal w a child (15 and under) who's very clearly on the path to becoming a narcissist, and/or already one?
Will my childhood had two parents both validated loved supported me I only remember two arguments between them I was with my daughter's father only until she was 3 months old after 9 years with him having a baby made me realize that he wasn't going to grow up at that point in time I have been with him for 15 till 20 through the mountain when the baby was 2 months old. Met her stepfather when she was 5 months old. I mean unless she and her father biological father's sporadically damaged her I just don't know I was a stay-at-home mother I was very involved with the school I was the Kool-Aid house. She had elaborate birthday parties she was in every sport she was in Ski Club gymnastics cheerleading you name it Ski Club. I personally thought she was such a brat later in life she didn't get ugly mean until about 15 she's always wanted to be the center of attention but that is because she just was people stopped us and she was 1 years old to tell me how pretty she was teacher didn't want to hold her back with failing grades told me her personality and charm would give her through what was my only answer was what. I made them hold her back. She's 35 now. Doesn't have custody of my grandson doesn't seem to care makes no effort run to the roads guy to guy she's cruel she's mean and I'll never understand it. She was not abused in any way she's my only child the planned child and I devoted every single day of my life to her happiness so I don't understand I can't think of any trauma this kid had
My mother believes I'm a narcissist because I won't play the part she wrote for me in the charade that is our family. I tried to have a conversation with her, to ask her to hear my perspective. But she refused. Classic DARVO and accusations of my being a narcissist. Over the last four years I've realised that it's like this. Her perspective is reality. Mine is ''detached from reality''. In the wider family, only her perception of me is real. My perception of them is ''insanity''. The classic ''you're mad''. There will be a lot of parents listening to this video who are incapable of switching to adult to adult reciprocal equal communication with an adult child.