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The gift and power of emotional courage | Susan David
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- čas přidán 19. 02. 2018
- Psychologist Susan David shares how the way we deal with our emotions shapes everything that matters: our actions, careers, relationships, health and happiness. In this deeply moving, humorous and potentially life-changing talk, she challenges a culture that prizes positivity over emotional truth and discusses the powerful strategies of emotional agility. A talk to share.
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this one struck me. "But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity,we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be"
Thank you for sharing! XO
This will be my forever mantra Doc ^^
hi
When we push aside normal emotions we are ruled by shame and guilt. We give away our life energy and feed those who profit from our weaknesses
♥
“Courage is not the absence of fear，courage is fear walking”
reminds me of a pretty much same sentece ''courage is not the absence of fear , but rather the fact we value that something is greater than fear''
Batman...💪
Love is the absence of fear.
Like.... Fear the walking dead 😊
Wei Keat Yew write it everyday I think I might get a tattoo
I cried when watching this video. Currently dealing with hard time, but thanks to this great talk, I know that it's ok to feel down.
Big hugs to you. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.
I hope things will get better or has.
It is ok to feel down. It took me 4 yrs to finally accept that!! I hope you are Ok now!
It is okay indeed :)
same! I cried, too. This is an eye-opener!
A psychologist who is also a poet is a rare thing (though it shouldn't be). Excellent, moving, inspiring, profound, and well articulated with not a superfluous word.
True
She studied English with Psychology ….same as I did …..I love literature and the meaning of our emotions ….at 60 I still work with literature teaching children how to express their feelings as they show up. I truly love what I do. Children are our future
And the space in the presentation. So well done.
When emotions are denied or ignored, they get strongeŕ. Wow, this is wisdom 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🇿🇦
"The radical acceptance of all our emotions - is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true authentic happiness." 👌
Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life 🙏🏽
I loved that too!!
9:45 The advice at the end is basically, "Fake it 'til you make it but when you make it don't forget you faked it"
"Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." This is what I've learned from my best friend and the most important catalyst of my emotional health/strength journey: don't avoid discomfort, cultivate a resilience to it. Like on a popular Netflix show about royals (I don't want to spoil anything so I'll be vague) the avoidant part of a couple, who is shutting-down and avoiding dealing with the issue keeping them at odds, says "I don't want to fight!", the non-avoidant part responds with "I WANT to fight! Fight WITH me! Fight FOR me." This is, for me, a prime example of how only by embracing discomfort can we have resilient and sustainable relationships.
10:17, "Tough emotions are part of our contract with life." Strong!
“The view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative is rigid - and rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic” - Susan David
I love this! So good!
Right? Wholly agree.
Discomfort is your price of admission to life!
This is HANDS DOWN the best TED talk or any self empowerment speech /video /audio I have EVER experienced!
100% agree
Tyranny of positivity. That's the phrase I was looking for. It amazes me how we are prepared to lie to ourselves to look good in front of others...
"Diversity isn't just people, it's what's inside people. Including diversity of emotion."
I watch this whenever my own feelings are a little to hard to handle, to remind myself that it's okay to feel this way, that I'm not alone and that my feelings should not be part of my identity and neither should my illness.
"When we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is." Best sentence i heard all day.
Some of the most valuable content ever created on CZcams. We should memorize this. People have forgotten how to live!
We need leaders who speak like this. Her message is crucial.
“The opposite of courage in our society isn’t cowardice- it’s compliance.”
- Rollo May
Which much of the world turned out to be over these past 3 years.
I did not comply and have suffered devastation and trauma, with waves of emotions beyond anything I have encountered in 55 years
@@noremac4807 Same. I don't think we'll ever here an apology for the wrongs done in the name "safety" and lies pushed during the pandemic, not to mention the political tribalism and dehumanization of opposition, all by the people that were show to have hid the source of the outbreak, obfuscated the issues with mRNA vaccine, and otherwise just imposed their will on millions. They really should be brought to justice, but chances of that happening are slim.
I couldn't agree more with the statement that says if we ignore what we are feeling, we are not going to be able to develop the skills to overcome that emotion.
This is SO on point. I was raised in a narcissistic and alcohol famiily that generated a lot of emotional pain in me and my siblings. Yet we were not given the skills to deal with emotions. Talk about a setup for addiction and mental illness. Thanks to good therapists and the love and forgiveness of Jesus in my life I’m learning to deal with and overcome this legacy of hurt.
In the olden days grieving people wore Black so everyone knew to be Kind, Caring, Empathetic and Helpful. It actually Brought Communities TOGETHER. Perhaps we can Bring This Back. We Need Support.
There’s so much knowledge exhibited from this woman and she speaks so truthful to the human heart and soul. I’m sure we can all relate in some way to certain points she makes in this presentation.
Excellent Ted Talk! I get a bit annoyed with all the "Good Vibes Only" signs people have. LIFE IS NOT GOOD VIBES ONLY. "Good vibes only" suggests that if I'm rightfully feeling angry or sad or stressed out, then I'll be rejected for my "bad" vibes. What a disservice that is to everyone.
I cannot agree more. It literally gives out the message please stay away if you are feeling anything but happy... And ppl who do this think they are being so right. They are so wrong
shush
That's exactly the ppl I swipe left on on Tinder 😅😂
If you are rightfully feeling angry or stressed about would probably find compassion. If you're being miserable for the sake of being miserable then you deserve to be rejected. That is not the topic of this Talk. The video is about staying grounded; it's about how not to live in delusion to avoid pain.
@@aparajita1in thats not what this is about. There is nothing good about being a crybaby.
It is not '1 am sad' but 'i notice that am feeling sad.' Emotional distancing---while remaining connected. So that the compassionate Self can feel the weight of the pains of life while remaining authentic and true to the real nature of life. The speaker kept it real for her presentation to be believable!!
*"We own our emotions. They don't own us."*
*Diversity isn't just people, it's also what's inside people.* Great talk! Thank you so much!
Kerwin C Of course! That's right! Singularity can come with choice, it will just require a lot of time and patience!
Truly a moving TedTalk that sheds light on the true nature of our emotions. Susan shows vulnerabililty and shares what is deep in her heart and soul. Her beautiful stories touch you deep in your soul. This is a must for all to watch.
Thank you Susan for this talk. This is one of the best ted talks that I have seen in my life. I know this will turn out to be a life-changer for me. Thank you for making me realize that rigidity is not a solution to live a happy life. The line which struck me hards is, "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life".
Thank you once again
"Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility" - wow... this is overwhelming!
This lady know what she's talking about .. intelligent and I think she is spot on. Thank you .
Listening to this lecture, I realized how important my expression of emotion was to me. I also realized that negative emotions such as sad or angry play a big role in my growth.I also think that I want to be a leader and a person who can give everyone confidence by controlling myself better through expressing emotions while going forward.
"Tyranny of positivity. " My family does not allow sadness or anger. We must always be cheerful and have a joke at the ready. I just realized that I have withdrawn from them because subconsciously I feel - if you cannot accept my sadness, you cannot have my full pleasure either.
💯
It was a wonderful video. Majority of us are so apprehensive to even think of our emotions, rather have been shamed and put down since our childhood for displaying any kind of emotions. Even at times being "too happy" is also not appreciated. A very good thought being presented by Ms.Susan. great work. Really liked it a lot
What an amazing speech! Brought tears to my eyes :3 Such a powerful truth she spoke, and what in need is our world in hearing it. Bless you all, have a good life
Sawubona!!😊Thank you for your lecture.
I've been depressed for quite a while, and I've denied my feelings.
I always said when I was depressed that I should hide my feelings deeper.
But at some point, I felt that I should understand my feelings.
I tried to take time to understand my feelings.
I've been trying to understand myself.
After that effort, I was able to understand other people's feelings more than before, not just my feelings.
It took me quite a long time to understand my feelings.If I had seen your lecture, I would have realized sooner. I could sympathize with your lecture more deeply.I counsel my friends a lot.But before I saw your lecture, I put solutions first rather than understanding negative feelings when I was consulting my friends.I felt that my behavior was wrong after your lecture.It's my feelings, thoughts and you that made me grow up.
I really enjoyed your lecture.
I was lead to this presentation by Dr. Susan David when checking for a quote about ... Many people die with their music still inside of them. What a find - seeing ourselves, diversity, denial, emotional agility, human freedom, resiliency, rediscovering & focusing on my values, telling my truth ... without judging, rigidity, false positivity ... discomfort & stress is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
Thank you.
"courage is not absence of fear courage is fear walking" damn
The wisdom in these few minutes is astounding. Many people talk about emotional intelligence and few go on to the ability part. I think we must get to this part to be able to gain mastery. Mastery is accepting and making the best out of it.
Susan David speaks very clear. I like it. And I will remember: Courage is fear by foot....When we use our inner emotional guide we will live in a better world. Why? When we live it, we are authentic. And to be authentic, it will strengthens the connectedness of over all.
I agree with her. Emotions are normal but we are too hard on ourselves. We can listen to it but it doesn’t have to define us.
Awesome. I try so hard to articulate this to the stressed, the sick snd the dying. You have given me a whole new vocabulary. Thank you so much. Incredible insight beautifully explained. Wow!
Such a courageous talk to deal with "Fake Positivity". Thank you!
Thank you, Benia!
“You have dead people’s goals”. Oh my goodness what a golden line!!!
This is a valuable lesson to learn here. How to be with and express your “negative” emotions, not try to fix or push them away.
"No one knew (about my grief and pain), and in a culture that values relentless positivity, I thought that no one wnted to know."
I am reading her book Emotional Agility and loving it. Loved this so much to think and reflect and learn from.
“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility” awesome quote :)
“We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our knees”.
“Tough emotions are the part of our contract for life” You want what dead people want if you want to get rid of your emotions
“I am noticing I am feeling , instead of I am.. (insert emotions). “You are not your emotion.
Genius talk - lots of quality to it. Shows the strength behind emotions!
The book “The Happiness Trap” also covers this really well in great detail
I love your heart. This talk is overflowing with reason and compassion. Thank you!!!
this is why we need to break the stigma on mental health. internal pain comes out, and we should let it, while not judging each other. A listening ear can help. Reach out.
I learned from this Ted talk to use the word “ I notice “ do not use the words “ I am “ I noticed I’m sad not i am sad. thank you for this great reminder!!! ❤️🙏🏼❤️
This was also a great reminder for me. "I notice I'm -feeling- sad." 💓
When everything seems to fall apart and I don't know how to handle my emotions, I just come here and watch it again and again. It makes me feel powerful for the emotions I feel and accept myself as I am. I have to thank this woman for explaining this in such a beautiful way
Ditto & that is not a capricious response. I am attempting to gain the courage to say "Goodbye" & feel as if I will fall into pieces. I pray, that after the fall, I can put these pieces back together & be useful for something greater than the grief I shall certainly feel.
There is a bit of overlap between this and what i learnt in DBT. About radical acceptance, values and facing things that scare us, head on. I am an emotionally sensitive person. I don't deal well with change, but through therapy, I'm getting better in many ways. This talk made me want to know more about having emotional agility and minimising my fragility. Thank you Susan.
For first time in this year,I felt heard and understood as a human without facing judgement neither from my self nor from others. Thank you❤️. Sawubona
Wonderful talk. The psychologist is the light house when you sail in the sea of your life. No matter what situations you encounter, the light house is always there. Thanks.
I agree with what she says and like how she puts it across, and you have to be absolutely honest with yourself first of all. But there is something that follows which is so very tough... it's what you have to face in life if you are true to yourself. If you are genuine, true, and for real, you will probably suffer. Susan touches upon this, without going into depth. In many aspects of society these qualities are treated as some kind of threat and are not valued. This is why it takes courage. Because of the way society is, very often you may feel like you've been kicked in the face for being this way, and it seems your only reward is your own integrity.
"it is a tyranny of positivity" - I've been waiting years for someone to say this, thank you.
This was an amazing speech! The point made about positivity becoming the new form of moral correctedness, so much so I ran into a pole whilst trying to make a note of this and run at the same time. I believe we do have a culture where we don’t accept negative emotions which could lead to people brooding or using a form of addiction to deal with this pain.
I came here from the short 2 min video on Facebook... I wondered if she was from South Africa... Im from So. Africa too. I now live in the 🇺🇸 USA. I so needed to hear these words today. ❤❤❤ South Africa will always be in my heart, mind and soul that is who I am. So grateful to be a Safa.
Thank you! Thank you so much, Susan! I was listening to you with my heart beating and an inspiration growing in my soul. Inspiration and the strength to do what I want to do and to feel what I want to feel. Life is full of disappointments and unjustice but that is life, that is the only thing we have in this world for sure. And we have to live it. We can make mistakes but always to climb up and go on living. Only he who does nothing makes a mistake.
Thank you again!
This message is great, let's begin to feel without fear of what they will say. Thanks for sharing.
Lady you are the most inspiring person i have ever seen in my entire life
I'm curious about the thumbs down? This might be the BEST ted talk I've ever heard. As an HR leader with 20 years experience, it's long past due for a different type of leader. One that among other things requires emotional resilience so that they and those they lead can not merely survive but thrive! Thank you for sharing your voice with such wisdom.
Acceptance of all emotions, including tough one, is the key.
We can't run away from strong emotions. Running will only bring more of that emotion. Acceptance is the solution.
Understand what that emotions is trying to say. Decode the data, and take value based steps. This can be done by analysing and talking with yur emotion.
Dealing with strong emition will make you strong.
One of the best talks I’ve ever heard, and I’ve listened to hundreds of these now. As someone who struggles with their own emotional intellect, the fact that I have too much of it. This really helped me. Thank you.
"Pain and discomfort, are the price of admission, to a meaningful life."
I just read the introduction the the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. He mentions falling down 7 times, only to stand up again on the 8th attempt. It may take 20 for me. If it does, then may that 20th attempt be for the benefit of all concerned & honest. Splendid presentation. I shall revisit it many times.
One of the most amazing messages that the world could receive. I wish everybody watch this to have a better life. Amazing, each word, each message, I was fascinated all the time watching like a child 😊💜😊💜
Great speech. The one you want to share. Not just for the "sharing" via FB. But for people to hear it. Thank you. Biggest thank you ever.
I think this talk is hugely underestimated. Such a powerful idea that can actually help millions of people to live in harmony with themselves. Oh wait, its free unlike antidepressants. Why not to make people believe that the elusive happiness is the only desirable constanta in our lives...
Amazing and inspirational Talk. loved the concept: Emotions are Data.. If you feel rage when you read the news, that rage is a signpost, perhaps, that you value equity and fairness -- and an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction... Thank you
I lost my emotional connection to my father when I was four. He beat me to a pulp for snacking on baby aspirins with my little sister. He was not watching us, he was sleeping late with a hangover. I so often wish he'd left our family. By the time I was fifteen I thoroughly despised him. I can't even imagine the ocean of love she received from her father. The South African greeting is beautiful, and really captures what human beings yearn to receive from each other. It's tragic that so few human beings have the caring and awareness to give their fellow humans that recognition and acceptance. I strive to give it through my work. I've only ever received it from my dearest friends.
In Islam, the obligatory greeting is "May Peace Be Upon You!". Here Peace means Peace in all matters of Life and the Hereafter, including mind, body, property, children, aspirations, etc.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank You so much Susan for this excellent reminder of how we are not our emotions ... that we feel our emotions and that there is a reason we feel what we do and it is not good to ignore them (in ourselves or in others). I lost my father when I was 11 (a sudden accident). I had no one in my life who knew how to help me with all my pain (no one even tried). I'm Nearing 60 now and have only in the past few years been able to sort through how his death effected me then and how the ignoring (or attempting to ignore) my emotions had an adverse effect on my whole life. Children especially need (wise loving folks) to help them accept what they cannot change and to change what they can. Love & Peace to All
LoveAndPeaceOccurs you wrote: 'Children especially need (wise loving folks) to help them accept what they cannot change and to change what they can' = I totally agree: my mum died when I was 7 and my dad died when I was 12 and I was so lucky to have many good people around me who loved me and helped me grow so my adult years (until my accident) were (mostly!) full of happiness and fun. Lots of kids aren't so lucky.
As Father of a six-year-old girl right now, her depictions of her father teaching her about emotions of death were really touching. It was sad to hear that she lost her dad at such a young age but I’m sure he would’ve been proud of the woman she turned out to become.
Such an important message for each of us to hear! Emotions are completely normal and a inseparable part of life. 💛
Powerful, inspiring, straight talking & beautifully delivered with compassion. Wow! Thank you for your work I admire & respect your passion 🙏
I’m a South African woman and I heavily relate to your story, you’re inspiring thank you so much 🌸💗
Beautiful story, beautiful person, beautiful message...great for us who have been suffering for so long. Acknowledgement so we can move forward...
This brought me to tears... I lost my brother and my father when I was a teenager. I too thought I had conquered grief and was both praised and shamed for my feels or lack of. Very reliable for me. As a thirty year old women and mother I am only now starting to realize and except what she is preaching. Very important and power stuff.
Thank you Azalea. I'm so grateful that this talk spoke to your heart. Such big earth hugs to you on this journey.
read from the bottom up starting at the indented spots:
Honesty is built upon truth, and is the process of building and or maintaining your home (expressing your truth to move people to where they belong around you based on your relationship with them (teamwork is needed for this in the many situations))
truth is built upon love, and (I was told to equate love with truth at one point) truth is meant to be an agreement on the boundaries set for people based on their relationships
love is built upon trust, and is meant to teach you how your ideas are impacting others, treat them better, while also being your best defense against evil, as well as being your soulmate (not meant to change ever!)
trust is built upon sharing, true friends are built upon trust and trust is an agreement to help each other’s causes while also holding your own cause back to better this partnership you made in situations where it comes down to you or them being held back
sharing is built upon forgiveness, and is the process of trading ideas and feelings (working/ playing together)
forgiveness is built upon inspiration, and is the process of expressing your true self even when people can take advantage of you(this process involves giving benefit of the doubt)
inspiration is built upon talent, and is the energy you need to express yourself.
tallent is built upon intelligence, The way your thoughts and who you are influence the world in a physical way(this makes up your appearance, voice, the different ways that you can sense the world etc.)(this is a little different from talent which is why i spelled it differently)
intelligence is built upon wisdom, and is the ability to share knowledge without giving the pain that you went through (in-tell-I-gent :to tell in gently)
wisdom is built upon memory, and is the ability to predict where your purpose is and will be
memory is built upon feelings, and is the storage of where your purpose has been
feelings are built upon purpose, and are the senses that guide you to find your purpose
purpose is built upon free will and is the path toward the place you will feel best and be filled with life(this involves your relationships with people, things, and ideas).
I cannot think of a single person in my life who could not benefit from this beautiful wisdom.
Thank you! you inspired me. Your TED talk came to me out of nowhere a day before a Facebook Live about Emotional Intelligence and even though I resisted to listen to it because I thought I have enough material, my inner voice persisted and I have learned not to resist anymore
Fantastic talk and relevant to everyone at some point in their life.
Also, the South African accent has to be one of the most beautiful in the world. It makes what is a truly weighty topic sound soothing.
Jenn Eiland I never thought anyone would think that of my accent, haha
This will remain my favorite TED talk ❤️❤️
It's my favorite now as well
Can't agree more with what she said. I fully listened to this shocking and true talk. I hope to get better at not hiding my feelings and embracing them with the people in my communities! ❤
Sawubona is such a beatiful word and this is a relevant TEDtalk, Susan David. You speak well and poetically, Your voice sounds soothing too.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
Tell that to people trapped in abusive relationships, oppressive governments, or imprisoned. Tell slaves, including women in patriarchal societies, that courage will expand their life. Positivism is a luxury of people with privilege.
Tim Newton Have you talked to any of them? Sulking in a pit of negative emotions is no benefit. Resigning yourself to bad circumstances is of no benefit. The point of what the speaker is saying is that you need to express what you're really feeling, and others need to be empathetic to it. Otherwise there is no progress.
Do you disagree?
Love that! I’ve personally found that to be true too.
It is inherent in any relationship with a largely unequal distribution of power that one may be in danger when they express what they are feeling. This can be especially true if they are expecting empathy or anything else from their oppressor. Empathy is not an easy thing to accomplish, try as hard as you might. It is especially difficult when it would endanger your privilege. I realize that you can only understand this in the context of YOUR personal experience of oppression. Think of a time when you were powerless because someone else had the upper hand. Now imagine that combined with no option to escape. Are you getting defensive about your viewpoint? Try to eradicate that defensiveness and you may get closer to empathy.
So, I agree that there is no progress (for the oppressed) in a relationship where the person/group with the power is unable/unwilling to understand the person/group which is being oppressed. I am skeptical, though, of your assertion that any extra blame or responsibility lies on the oppressed to change.
@2much 2think Couldn't agree more, however as an individual who has lived in Egypt all of my life, i can tell you that courage is the only solution viable to overcome the oppression, racism and atrocities committed by the Egyptian governmental system and others.
Yes it costs lives , people get detained, threatened and in some cases killed! for just speaking their minds..
we are ruled by fear in these parts of the world, worst nightmare for a dictatorial system is people having the courage to speak up. we are fed bullshit everyday so we can stay numb, ignorant, unaware and helpless.
only by collective courage and persistence can underprivileged socities have a chance to be free.
its like small streams of water flowing in the desert , eventually they dry out because they dont connect.
its the same with people, in order to create real change you need a powerful force and a war of ideas has to take place in order to create that change; other wise we become herds of sheep that obeys their tyrant who leads them right into the slaughter house.
Brilliant video on emotions. Beautiful person inside n out. Really mind opening i can understand my emotions better and can deal with them better watching this video certainly helps
I keep coming back to this so many times, in times of utter sadness
This actually made me cry! Really really good!
One the the greatest talks i have listened to. Bless the speaker Susan David thank you for sharing your ideas & thoughts on such a crucial topic called Emotional Agility !
This is so true, like I watch vintage bollywood movies and characters are always going for something which will eventually hurt them and I'm like why someone would do that? But they show you shouldn't run away instead you accept them and when you find happiness it will be the moment when your soul is in peace.
This is the best TED talk I’ve listened to on CZcams. Absolutely brilliant.
Wow thats an amazing, beautiful speech that is so hard to describe the feelings it gave me and inspiration...the best way to explain it is with magnetic dialogue, and that it felt like I am now finally dancing with life to the symphony of my heartbeats sound.. Thank you Susan and what a contribute you are to this world.
Best TED Talk I’ve heard so far.
You cannot ignore or bottle up emotions.
You need to deal with them, but not to be overwhelmed by them.
How to do that?
@@julies570 Understand that what happens today, does not have to, and should not change who you are and what you do in the future.
I really connect with Sarah's message. I first saw her interviewed by Tom Bilyeu and now if I'm feeling comfortable I'm self aware enough to say "oh there goes that old script again" for example when I feel I've let someone down or I'm taking responsibility for their emotions and pleasing them.
*Susan - sorry
Probably the best introduction into Susan David's work and likely to stimulate you to investigate more. Powerful, personal and universal.
Thankyou Susan for your beautiful and super important message... totally spot on!
I hear you and by hearing you I bring you into being.
amazing!!! Eu te vejo, e ao te ver, eu te trago a existência!!!