181. Watch for narcissistic traps!
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- čas přidán 26. 07. 2023
- Discussion of the importance in watching for narcissistic traps in their search for narcissistic supply and control!
Show Notes
High conflict narcissistic people unfortunately. This is recurring issue that you will probably experience from personal relationships, ex spouses, family members, children, and work situations. In this video we talk about the importance of being vigilant in watching for traps. How you have to be extremely careful with how you react to their provocation and traps. The importance of slowing yourself down BEFORE you respond and the reality of how they will ultimately change tactics to try and get you to respond in a certain way.
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#DSD #DSDLIVE - Zábava
Good advice: Let them think they are winning (they don’t live in reality anyways).
Man that is so true…. It took me a couple years to learn that lesson the hard way. My life got better when I just let her think she was winning…
You’re such a sweet guy! Unfortunately narcissistic women trigger that kind of men like you . I can tell what a good man you’re ❤
great strategies thanks DSD
Thanks Travis, hope these ideas help. I’m not sure what phase of this you’re in but I’m always grateful when I can (or when some can) find me EARLY in the process because that can make a HUGE difference in the outcome. It’s still not easy but it’s always better to not have to undo the damage of traps!
Crazy times! Thanks again for saving us🙏🏼🌮
I know the circumstances where under the best conditions but it was great meeting you and your wife and helping you guys out of that mess.
@@DSD yes sir!
Right at this moment, I am sitting in the same place where I stayed during the narcissist's period in my life- suffering and hurting like hell- and wondering why didn't I knew on those days about this channel to find about the matrix hell I was into... Thank God I know now, but It would have save years of my life knowing back then! Anyways, I think that was just the timing thing.
Thank you, Duane, for making this videos!
Glad you find us when you did Emily! Although I always wish I could get to people as early as possible. Most of the time that isn't the case. Thanks for the support and glad this one was helpful for you!
I only see your videos from about 6 years ago and then this video popped up. I clicked on your channel to figure out what’s going on and realized I wasn’t subscribed.
Your experience is oddly similar to mine. I can’t believe I didn’t see all this in my 12+ years with her. This 2-3 divorce experience has been eye opening. It’s almost like seeing for the first time… maybe that’s a little dramatic, but that’s how I feel.
I've had that happen to me before as well - I'll think I'm subscribed to a channel and they are showing up in my feed all the time and then they just disappear and I find out I wasn't subscribed or my notification bell was not set to all.
Honestly what you said about seeing for the first time I can absolutely relate to that and I went through the same thing. It is not a fun experience and it makes you feel like you losing your mind, or at least that is the way it felt for me...
It’s exactly how it is…..npd sister has been same all these yrs, now that I’ve healed a lot she seems like a very disordered toddler
I wasn't able to watch it live but I'm enjoying watching it on replay! Thanks for broadcasting a show Duane, take care!!!
Thanks so much for the support Markus! Sorry we missed you! Hope the topic is helpful - and then the discussion is just flows around!
Get this every week as you’d say ex ‘pokes you in the eye’. Just as you relax ect in fact as you make progress the poking increases lol. Starts to get funny.
Last week she accused me of breaking into the house to take a random suitcase. Here I have been for the last 5 months pleading for her to drop my passport off and she accuses me of breaking into the house I still fully pay for. 😂
Then I ask for copies of my daughter’s reports and she censors them so I can’t see the sick days or the actual content of the report.
All funny business to provoke and irritate
Yeah just stupid stuff to cause more drama and incite "interactions".
@@DSD 100% … dealing with crazy is no fun.
So good , to hear from you ...thank you for your great videos..sending best wishes...
Thanks so much Jennifer I really appreciate that! Hope you have an outstanding weekend!
subscribed, notification is on (All) but i do not receive any notification from your channel!!
Well that’s a bummer. If everything is on they should’ve recommended it. In the description I have the text notification - I did do that so an sms with the link was sent out. Thanks for the feedback.
Hi man thank you for what you do your content is awesome... im dealing with a ex wife and her brainwashed boyfriend trying to trap me into physical violence and reactions.... she n him are constantly trying to coach my kids into thinking being with me is unsafe and constant mental warfare... ive been actively participating in my kids sporting football and gymnastics and they are constantly trying to start stuff at these events in which the last football game i asked a simple question as to whose car my kids were getting out of and was met with aggression from my exes bf.... and he tried not only to disrespect my rights and wishes as a father but tried to start a actual fight then when i did get upset they trued to grt me thrown out of the game.... i walked away with out altercations but its stuff like this constantly and even as far as DCS being constantly called on me by her bunch and threats what should i do man? Also now shes constantly trying to get more support money from me as well... oh n now thats sges pregnant with a baby from him the threats and war traps have ramped up
4 years later she still does this. It's pathetic but that's what they do
Yeah they just don’t stop. 12 year and it’s the same thing…. It’s really weird…
9 years in here!
I better start watching DSD on a regular basis again. I don't want to be spending any more time at all in my thoughts wasting time and energy anymore while in effect wringing my hands about things I have no say over anyway. I'd rather be having real adventures too like with my own jeep or whatever. Because I don't want the norm to become for the rest of my life be 'normative' for me for the rest of my life while I am stuck in the rut of not healing from a narcissistic relationship that was based only on my infatuation with a person who was wearing a selection of masks for him to choose from that didn't exist. Not only that I don't want to fall into the trap of trying to impress others while thinking I am a nobody only because I am single. That is too exausting for me.
you arent talking in code, you are just being discreet. at times it is necessary.
Yeah, unfortunately. I am looking forward to a day when I can be more open about details.
Have you done any videos about toxic grandparents suing for visitation?
Actually I haven't, could you drop me an email with more detail? Maybe one I could read online and provide thoughts on?
@@DSD I will send you an email
I'm heading out this weekend for a trip so I'll be able to dive into it when I get back.
You can't show wealth or happiness with these people. Even your kids bragging about your accomplishments will be a problem.
After being around his family for 20 years, i figured out how my spouse became a narcissist (short story - he was raised as the golden child since he was born...and his natural personality fitting enneagram 8 made him susceptible). Narcissists have such similar traits...I wonder if they have similar childhoods. I'm curious if you ever figured out how your wife became the way she is....and if you made a video on it. Was she the golden child? I would really like to know if you have time to talk about this.
I typically don't go into a lot of detail about the ex - or at least I think I don't. My experience has been that people have some type of trauma in their childhood that sets all of this in motion - and that ends up locking them at that emotional age. There were stories of her youth that could have absolutely been trigger points to set all of this off...
@@DSD that makes sense not to talk about others details. After I got over being mad about things I started to feel bad for him - his family doesn’t function that well, they never have honest conversations, and everything is a joke. All his family get-togethers follow the same theme: talk about the good old days when they were children and make fun of each other and brag about how good they are all doing, but they aren’t doing good, and now that we are all coming up in our late forties and early fifties, and they can never discuss anything serious or be honest. it is getting pathetic. My husband is seeing now that me and his daughters are all that he really has -he’s now putting us first (instead of his dad and siblings- his mom who doted on him died about 15 years ago). (His family was always his set of flying monkeys….and I was never good enough for him.)He still has all his tendencies but you can see him actively trying to do better. I was just curious how common this backstory is. Since you can’t share, and I’m anonymous, I thought I would tell you my circumstances in case it sounded familiar.
Honestly the fact that he is actually trying to do better is a really good sign. People with NPD (if he has that) RARELY (if ever) seek to heal because they can't see (or don't want to see) that they have an issue. I'm assuming from your comment that you guys are still together?
@@DSDI have three girls. If we split up, it would have hurt the girls. If he had crossed hard lines like physical abuse, open cheating, or gambling away all our money, then I would have left. Instead, I just smoothed everything out and took the verbal abuse and the unrealistic demands set on me. After I finally figured out what was going on with him, I got good at being a grey rock and slowly setting new boundaries. The youngest is now14 and he can’t turn them against me anymore…..they love their dad, but the girls will call him out when he is being over the top. His thoughtless rage events have gone away - at least he catches himself when he’s headed that way and just gets a little stompy grumpy and shouty. We all, including him, work through whatever is going on regardless of his demeanor.
I’ve said daily rosaries for years because I didn’t see a path forward. We are getting better, but at this point I think it is nothing short of a miracle. I slowly set up more bounds, I don’t go to ANY of his families events except for Christmas. It’s hard to be condescending to me when I have shut down all communication unless absolutely necessary. In a few years when the youngest Is in college I won’t even bother seeing them again at all.
Honestly I'm really glad to hear that. If there is ANY way to salvage a marriage and long term relationship I think that is the best answer. I mean if you hadn't or weren't seeing any improvements or awareness then fine there would come a time where you have to decide which course of action is the best. I'm really happy for you! I hope he appreciates it as well!
"promosm"