Why Men Lie | The Reasons Why Men Lie | Dr. Doug Weiss
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- čas přidán 10. 07. 2024
- To get your copy of “Why Men Lie” go to: www.drdougweiss.com/product/w...
Doug Weiss, licensed psychologist and national author has worked with thousands of couples for over 30 years. In this video, he discusses some reasons as to why men lie and why they even continue to do so.
Why do men lie? Why do they lie to the woman they love the most? They promised to love, to honor, and to cherish always while forsaking all others. Because of this, the woman expects an open and honest relationship, reaping happiness and security. However, when the man starts lying, and continues to do so, it can be frustrating and painful.
Usually, women have a harder time grasping why men would lie to them instead of just telling the truth. It doesn’t make sense to them. A guy that is honest makes them feel safe, trusted, and connected. When lying comes into the relationship, the woman feels that the guy doesn’t trust them, love something more than them, and are trying to cover up something. Many women have dealt with a variety of circumstances in their relationships, but continual lying is often the last straw.
A lot of men, unfortunately, continue because they aren’t fully aware of her thoughts and feelings. Men lie not because of the woman, but moreso because of themselves and other underlying issues. It can range from immaturity, addictions, feeling they aren’t loved, and even psychological disorders.
There is hope though. Someone doesn’t have to stay a liar. It’s a choice to lie and a choice to stay lying. They can choose to outgrow it and apply the necessary tools to break free.
If you have been hurt or traumatized by a significant other’s lies, you deserve to heal. Take care of you whether through counseling, support groups, and other resources.
Take the next step. Once the reason why the man lies is identified, he can begin to heal. The choice is up to him though.
For more information on Partner Betrayal Trauma®, go to partnerbetrayaltrauma.org/
For the book, Partner Betrayal Trauma, visit:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/p...
For the Partners of Sex Addicts Facebook group for women, go to:
/ partnersofsa
For the Partners of Sex Addicts Facebook group for men, go to:
/ supportgroupsaia
For information on marriage counseling and intensives, go to www.drdougweiss.com/counseling/
For a full list of Dr. Doug’s products, go to www.drdougweiss.com/store/
For the book, Beyond Love: www.drdougweiss.com/product/b...
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Partner Betrayal Trauma ™.
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, www.drdougweiss.com/ or on his Facebook / drdougweiss
by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at heart2heart@xc.org
0:00 Start
1:15 Discussion Start
4:56 Immaturity and Addictions
7:02 They Don't Feel Loved
9:37 They lie to protect you
11:04 They lie to maintain the secret
12:50 They can't be bad
14:45 Psychological Disorders
15:17 There is Hope
16:35 Conclusion
It’s not the infidelity that destroys your marriage; it’s the lying. The deceit. The omissions. The secrecy. The lack of transparency. “You cannot be fully loved if you’re not fully known.” Hiding your real self from your partner is lying.
Exactly!
Been married 35 years. My f n l & m n l ran a sodmite of sex traffing of their children and family members over 55 years ago . They even got me and my 2 children. Now I understand why all the issues with my husband. No wait that not true! And never protected us. Now he is back sliding and I'm moving forward to get out 1st born free of his adulthood sex traffing and my grandchildren free. All the while my husband says I should let him live his life ...while the grandchildren that I helped raise is tortured with burns on his arm and hand, who had PTS at 3 years old. She wanted to abort him. This is still the same spiit. They have Stockholm syndrome. How do you deal with this trust issue without out Jesus and the LOVE OF ABBA FATHER lead by Holy Spirit ❣
Amen!!!
It's both
Very true
They don’t want to be held accountable!
Don't let someone tell you you're to blame ladies. You're not. "You don’t create a safe environment for the truth to be told" or "You didn't receive it well" or "you're hard to talk to about this kind of thing. or "Its embarrassing to talk to you about this" Its all shifting blame on the innocent betrayed and lied to spouse. As Dr Weiss says, you protect what you love. Admitting and getting help for your problem, with the 1 person you should trust as much as yourself is the start.
@Fartin Penis only you’re not really dodging anything, just delaying it. The truth comes out eventually. Furthermore you’re simply wasting your own life and time along with her’s.
Exactly!
Yes. And men should have enough courage, boldness, honor and integrity to tell the truth regardless of how they "think" someone else will respond. And also men with courage, boldness, honor and integrity d9nt do things they have to cover up and lie about.
They dont make choices that will harm those closest to him.
They lie because they are selfish and they can get what they want.
My husband's lies broke my heart. I totally lost my trust for him and everyone else.
My marriage of 36 years O know now was one big fat lie.
I know what to do if he does not stop with his lies. Divorce!!!
I can so relate to you I recently discovered my hubby been leading a separate life I never knew about . I feel so stupid for trusting a man . I feel so helpless why did I let my guard down . The pain in my heart is just incrucaiting
@@paulawilkinson6341 one thing I learned there is nothing stupid about trusting our beloved. Trust is Love, we love them. We should be able to trust them. Please don't feel that way. Also, pease don't blame yourself, it is not your fault!!!
That was the most refreshing thing I've heard in a very long time. Narcissist men are such liars. I'm so jaded from this last relationship, and his lies.
What about lying by omission? My husband completely omits telling me where he’s been. When I find out later, he acts like it is no big deal. Now, he’s teaching my son to keep things from me. My son tells me anyway but will preface with “Daddy told me not to tell you.”
that is alienation.
My husband keeps lying, every time we address it I try and give him a clean slate. It is becoming a point where I feel that I am the stupid person for keep trying to trust someone who can't trust me to tell me the truth. I can't trust him anymore, and I dont know what to do....
You could have him watch the "Why Men Lie" DVD to see why he lies and to give yourself a plan. If he chooses not to change, you would be guaranteed more pain.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-men-lie-dvd/
Dr. Weiss you've been saving my life, better saying, my sanity with your videos. I just found out about my husband's addiction to porn and sex and ALL THE LIES I've been told for years. It's devastating. I'm finally getting the courage to go on and try to heal myself away from him before I can decide what happens to us. Thank you.
I’m with ya - I wish I could turn back the clock and be done with him yrs ago.
Please pray for my husband. His name is Tim. I've caught him lying many times about his porn addiction but he keeps lying. We are going to counciling with a man who specializes in marriage counseling, addiction and in betrayal and he is amazing but my husband refuses to change. I feel stuck. I love him but I can't keep dealing with this pain.
God does this hit home. My husband hid a very bad addiction and lied and gas-lite me until I questioned my sanity. I tried to do the godly thing: pray, work on the relationship - year after year after year. If only I could go back and get those years back. I wasted all that time on him. He lost his family, beautiful home, successful business all due to lies and hanging out with scum-ball /loser
friend who he lives with now in a tiny apartment filled with 7 people.
😢 I feel horrible for not telling him how much I loved him ... I can't go back after a year , I tried to be there for him but he admitted being scared of how positive I was ... I knew when he lied and let it slide .. as a woman there is only so much we can do ... going through no contact to heal a broken heart
Dr Weiss, today is Monday January 3rd 2022, I listen to this and had to stop because the first thing you talked about are used for years. I'm still struggling with the fact that God thinks I'm worthy. I've been in counseling individual and group for year. Thank you for posting this. It has been an awkward journey but worth it.
LOL 😂 I'm trained by my Dad who is a Vietnam Veteran. I can tell when someone lies and then they deny it. It just makes me think low of them 😔
They DO NOT LOVE if they lie. LOVE does NOT lie.
Commandment number 9: "Thou shalt not bear false witness...."= You shall NOT lie.
1 Corinthians13 talks about love.
When you TRULY love, you have NO DESIRE to lie.
He’s openly doing all of this with out a care for me
I had a partner who was a compulsive liar and it made me think I was going crazy. I got to the point where I was literally confused about everything. For this and other reasons I ended up with an eating disorder. Even though went to massive lengths and I hid all of that from everyone, I was convinced there was nothing wrong with me and everything I was doing was perfectly fine. Just goes to show how mental illness messes with your ability to understand whats actually real and true.
That’s called a narcissist
@@christielee1840 I can see why you would think that, but my theory is BPD. I think there may be a slight crossover for some people with this.
@@karenKristal True.
thank you dr . Weiss for your honesty and skill God bless your research.
I have never heard anyone speak that i actually believe may really understand all of this. I must say though, this is so overwhelming. Your insight is so amazing but also makes me feel overwhelmed. It just seems like so much to understand and navigate.I still want to try but wow>
I'm glad that you found the insight from this video helpful. We have a full-length DVD on this if you're interested in getting more information and a better understanding of this subject.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-men-lie-video-download/
You can also make an appointment with one of our therapists at our center by calling 7149-278-3708 and they can help you walk through the process and find healing.
Really good video, thank you
Glad you liked it!
My husband won’t watch anything I send him cuz he says that’s all they do is call him a peice of shit. Refuses to take responsibility for his affair and porn and strip clubs.
You might want to watch the DVDs "He Needs to Change" and "Unstuck" to help you better address your situation.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/he-needs-to-change-dr-weiss-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/unstuck-dvd/
If you haven't already, you can join our Partners of Sex Addicts phone support group and Facebook support group.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
Recently found out my hubby of 27 years has been living a double life . Addiction to porn all the time we been together, I find it hard to trust men , as I was sexually abused as a child an in a toxic abusive relationship for 7 years . My hubby was the only person in my life I trusted . I struggled depression and anxiety for many years an he has been a caring hubby . We have always had a good relationship an amazing sex life . Right now my heart is so broken that he has deceived me an lyed to me all these years . I just don’t get why ? I am finding it very difficult to understand but I won’t give up on him I want to help him heal because I have never loved a man the way I love him .
He was protecting his addiction. He can heal and should start counseling or join a support group. You can also heal from this Partner Betrayal Trauma.
We have a Partners phone group and Facebook group you can join for support. You are not alone in this.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
He is RIGHT to believe I would not love him ….I HATE LYIES IN GENERAL …..ITS NOT PERSONAL AT ALL …..🔥🔥🤷🏻♀️
This guy has my number for sure
My ex told me that he lied bcz I wouldn’t have accepted what he was doing. Serious gaslighting going on. He would turn everything on me…
He made me think I was marrying someone very different from my stepfather. As a teen, my stepfather broke everyone's trust and crushed me. My husband witnessed this. He's the one I called in tears when it happened. He made me think he would be there for me. He's now one of the worst liars/manipulators I know. I think my breaking point was two years ago when he lied to me to prevent me and our other kids from visiting our baby son's grave on our son's birthday. He maintained this lie for two months. I found out he was lying by accident and I verified it two different ways. What kind of man prevents a bereaved mother, his *own wife* from her one annual visit to their child's grave? A man who can't be trusted and never could. Despicable.
I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. I would advise for you to seek counseling with either a counselor or coach to help you heal.
I can totally relate to this. He talked about husbands lying all the time. The difference is that I’m the one lying. It’s not always been this way. When my husband and I try to discuss things, I feel like I’m being interrogating. He never lets me finish anything that I’m saying. He cuts me off and just starts in with what he thinks is right. He pushes and pushes until he gets his points across. Idk what to do. This marriage feels so broken that I don’t see any way of fixing it
You might want to seek counseling for yourself to gain the clarity you need.
@@DrDougWeiss I finally got to set something up with a counselor. I’m just waiting on the okay from my insurance. My husband isn’t good with it tho. He wants to be the one to “fix me.” He doesn’t understand that I’m going to a Christian counselor. He’s not a believer. It’s a big ole mess
L.p.
I would like to hear your perspective about fetishes
Greatest insight I ever had is realizing why my kids lie to me.
And it's not because they're liars. It's because I didn't make it safe for them to tell the truth. I know several people who can handle few of them are women.
Me too! For me, a lie always comes in handy, when the truth would cause hurt to my wife. With other people it has got better over the last ten years. And right now, I again have the discussion to make. Should I find an excuse or tell the truth. Both is bad but one is worse, but which?
Only you can decide this.
Well dr. Weiss
like most of what heard from you,
added to it,
how can having a military for a town be a good thing?
Weapons is used what for?
He has lied many times , had many secrets , is tired of hurting our family and has moved out but moved out to be with his secret . Claims he is lost . Do I continue to help him as he continues to call as I’m his comfort zone ? Married 33 years .
Like the Prodigal Son, you can't help him. He needs to reach out to a good man that he can be accountable and honest to (since men make men). If you need help for the trauma, feel free to reach out for that.
Is the polygraph effective if your husband has suppressed memories?
That’s not the purpose of a polygraph. However if he has cheated, viewed porn, etc that would not be suppressed.
Thank you. He’s confessed things and forgot many he’s done
I live in Indiana I want phone counseling what is the cost? 6pm 6/22
You can contact our office at 719-278-3708 and my staff can answer your questions about phone/virtual counseling and help get you started.
How much does the 3 and 5 day cost
You can contact my office at 719-278-3708 and my team can answer your questions regarding counseling and pricing.
@@DrDougWeiss I have and Thank you Sir. I was seeing a phycolotrist , and didn’t understand why he would say we need to treat your symptoms of HPTSD. It’s been 4 years And I’m still work on myself
يكذبون لانهم ضعفاء المرأه اقوى منهم شخصيه
Mine lied over and over about porn. Today I said that’s it. It’s over. All I got was it’s your fault. You made me feel like this. I made him watch porn. What a loser.
You are not at fault for him watching porn. He chose to watch porn and chose to lie about it.
I'm sorry you have had to deal with this and the pain you endured. You can call us at 719-278-3708 to get with a coach/counselor who can help walk you through what's happened and help you heal.
If you need support, we also have a Former Partners Facebook support group. You are not alone in this.
facebook.com/groups/divorcedpartnersofsa
Mem lie because it's the devil who uses their hearts to lie, to hurt to cheat. But! God has the power to set them free. 🙌🏻 John 8:36. Joyce Meyer has many good sermons on when people lie. Check it out!
What's up opinion seeker's , I was married for eighteen years and my ex-wife pulled away and expected me to except her behavior and I submit.I told her that it's not being unfaithful and my spouse was ungrateful and she figured because we were married that I was undatable.I didn't what was best for me because the ex-wife was unstable when I divorced her my counselor to me I wasn't able to get her help because she has to do it for herself.
I would genuinely like to see you and others make videos about why women lie in relationships because my wife is a pathological liar. I could substitute by watching your videos about men lying but there are subtle gender differences. More importantly, having videos made with a title such as "what to do if your wife is a compulsive liar" makes it a real issue for us men such as myself, struggling with a lying, untrustworthy wife. Plus, many men such as myself do NOT come forward for help when treated poorly by their wives because of the societal stigma that we men should "suck it up like a real man". Yeah...I did this for 24 years and will not get these years back bc of my ego and bc society today doesn't want to hear about men in abusive relationships bc we men today are shamed for inherent qualities that were valued not too long ago. Yes...lying pathologically to your spouse is abuse regardless of your sex. If enough information thru social media is put out there that this isnt a one sided gender issue, but rather it's much worse. Its a recent decrease in societal values and norms, a widespread breakdown of peoples moral compasses, and an attack on everything that's good including our savior, lord Jesus Christ. Be well...
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