BIKES | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Mostly Stories" on Netflix
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- čas přidán 3. 06. 2021
- Tom Segura describes one of his favorite exchanges between an inmate and a troubled teen from one of the wildest episodes of “Scared Straight.” Watch the full stand up comedy special “Mostly Stories” streaming on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/ - Komedie
His “holl mah pocket” voice is dead on. He sounds just like the dude.
Wait, you watched that episode?
I NEED to watch this episode.
@@valhalla1240 it's on CZcams
Facts. I watched this live when I was 13 and knew exactly what he was talking about from the very beginning.
I told people to do this at school
I saw Tom at OHare airport and yelled BIKES. He waved at me from like 50ft away as I scared the passengers waiting for our flight. Edit: Holy crap 4K likes, it was worth it!
That's brilliant.
That's awesome!
You know he wanted to yell it back so bad, but had to keep his composure!
I cannot for the life of me find the video but I remember Tom talk about your incident in a podcast/interview.
@@kvps27 it MUST be found! You can achieve the status of Hero, please!
I work at a bike shop and yell that often.
*BAIKSSS!!!*
You must
“BIKES?”
“Yeah, could you show me around your stock?”
“HOLD MA POCKET”
@@Casablumpkin01 baaahahahahaha
THE FUCK U TOOK?
The funny thing is that since I have tourrettes
BIKES actually turned into a tic for a brief period of time
Dunno if I have tourettes but I've yelled that shit for abt 2 months lmao
Isnt it crazy how the power of suggestion works though. That's how TS is, once it's stuck in your brain, it's gonna come out.
I feel like Tom Segura would be incredibly happy about that if he ever found out, haha
One time I was seeing Man Of Steel in theatres and a dude had a tic where he would yell "STFU" every 10 or so minutes. He apologised to everyone beforehand so it was chill. And even provided comedic commentary at a particularly stinky part of the movie so, A+ would relive that day
@@viscountrainbows6452 i love that lmao, Golden moment in time
Best, most underrated line....."Ehhhhh I hate breakfast"
I love that part
😆😆😆 idk why I find that super hilarious
It's great, but can we stop calling it underrated? It's not like I rated his other lines. Let's go with understated.
@@DudeWatchesThings Take it ease
@@DudeWatchesThings Tom rates his own lines on his website. This one really is underrated. Go check for yourself.
My wife has our almost four year old son randomly yelling, “bikes!” 🤣 He has no idea why, but he’s happy to play along.
You got a keeper lmaoo congrats brother
Your wife sounds awesome
😂😂😂 brilliant
Better than quoting Scared Straight guys
lol 😂
"Bikes!" pops into my head every so often and I can't stop laughing.
Same
Same 😂😂😂 this makes me laugh everytime I see it
I listen to Tom Segura stories to get through my boring ass day doing Accounting work. Headphones on, trying not to laugh out loud in the office.
what if your boss likes to read comments on Toms videos?
Who still use govt name for a youtube username KEKW
Why you look 12 in your pic bro?
It’s tax season, there’s no way u have enough time to be bored
Well done picking a boring career. Enjoy the next 50 boring years.
This never gets old
Yuuuup!
Agreed
@K1ngdöm About to watch right now
"He's doing a double life sentence so when he dies and is reincarnated that man's gonna be doing life in prison" is one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard 😂
Richard Pryor rip-off, but still funny.
HOL MY PAHKETT
In the early 00's my roommate and I were watching 'Cops', and in one episode they were arresting a psychotic looking black dude for some thing or another. He had receding-hairline dreads, and his exposed forehead was tattooed into a solid black widow's-peak, like a vampire, and he said his name was 'Drak'. At the end of the segment when they were driving him off to jail, he stared at the camera, stuck his head out the back window of the cruiser, and yelled *"DRRRAKK!!"* at the top of his lungs.
My roommate and I both died laughing for minutes. And after that, for the next few YEARS, whenever we saw each other we'd both yell *"DRRRAKK!!".*
And since we were roommates,
.....we saw each other *a lot.*
Also at parties, in bars, and whenever trying to locate each other in stores.
That’s a fantastic story. I think you may have outdone Tom.
Ya'll we're smoking weed weren't Ya'll
I’ve never laughed this hard at anything, especially not a damn CZcams comment! I couldn’t get up for like 5 minutes straight, that was fuckin hilarious man, great story!
Drak Yula tales from the hood
I have to find this episode
The video of this bit cut into the actual scenes of that episode is amazing too.
Link?
@@liferlanceadventures1465 czcams.com/video/oXtjfSUuuzg/video.html
@@liferlanceadventures1465 czcams.com/video/oXtjfSUuuzg/video.html
czcams.com/video/UtDPardI2UE/video.html
Bert looks skinny with his shirt on in this
And much funnier than usual
Brent Cruncher really brought his A game to this bit
Bart Krishna
Ha, Bert aint any funnier than "that funny chill ass uncle" that every family has. It irritates me how much he rides all his friends coattails. Life is literally all about who you know!!
Man Brent Kampshire really stepped his game up
ive never seen bret krysler live, this was funny. and not a dog in site.
This never gets old. I can come back to it every 3 months or so and its still hilarious. On top of that I've found the "Scared straight episode" and its excctly as he described it. :)
Reminds me of Shane Gillis describing that hoarders episode line for line 😂
I really enjoy Toms comedy but this is just an incredible composition for a joke. I mean maybe top 20 jokes of all time. To ride that all the way through to a mellow deadpan," And thats why I yell bikes all the time." So smart. Its like progressive rock.
It's 'Kay.
You should check Norm MacDonald
OOHM G U R LYK SOOOOO000000 QUIRKAY OMG SO RANDOM WOW KOOOL
@@CliveWarren69 ease off the caffeine girl
@@chrismarzarella2106 ease off the simping beta male
I love how, after he tells a joke, he's got this proud "I did this" look on his face.
He's like an overgrown fat kid. 🤣🤣
glad this clip is available as video now, this is the bit I show people that haven't heard Tommy Bunz yet.
This clip is how I discovered him!
What was it before? Transcript?
I usually go with cowboy hats or Steven segall
@Muyinza look up the scared straight Tom Segura mix, someone put the actual recorded vhs episode dubbed over the stand up routine and I cried laughing
@Muyinza here's a link below if it sticks
if you’ve ever seen this episode, tom was NOT lying when he says that kid had a bowl cut 😂 bowlest cut i’ve ever seen
I came here cause I saw the clip and had to come to this vid 🤣 the bowlest of all bowl cuts 🤣
i cut my hair in Bowl format, just to make sure it's even all around. But then i usually part it to one side or slick it back after that :P
I just watched the whole episode for the first time yesterday it was fucking wild 😂
@@strikingmachine2975 sounds like the "I'm offended by everything" haircut 😂
And the kid's skinny making him look like a mushroom.
Tom Segura is super underrated.
One of the funniest stand up'ers EVER!!!!!!!!!!
BIKES!!!!!!!!!
Hes easily in the top 5 most famous comdians currently performing. He isnt "underrated" at all.
@@trippersigs2248 i hadn't heard of tom until he went on joe rogan, he is really not 'mainstream' yet
@@WilliamBonneyPodcast Mainstream doesnt always mean good,Kevin Hart gathers millions on his live shows but his comedy is trash,common, uncreative,basic jokes for the masses.Tom is an amazing stand up comedian,he is even better a storyteller,his material doesnt recycle like many "manstream" ones
@@WilliamBonneyPodcast so because *you* haven't heard of him he isn't a common name?
What kind of barometer is that? He is regularly in the lists of top active comedians.
@@WilliamBonneyPodcast are you high?
5 years ago when Jeans looked 10 years older.
He really did.
So true
@@gustavosanabio473 of. I bboôtcj
I hope 5 years from now, in mansion #3, Tina finally chows down.
I forgot how heavy he was. He's killing it nowadays. I love Tommy Bunz
the maddest thing is toms conviction of saying it is better then the actual video
For some fucking reason this set runs in my head atleast once a week...n it usually ends with my yelling BIKES for no good reason... Tom Segure is the fucking best!!!
Yuuuup...btw...BIKES!
Same🙃
I no longer feel bad for yelling “cows”, every single time I see them whilst driving, even when I’m alone.
You're not alone in this, my friend
Mr friend always says "Tesla!" whenever we see one on the road
XD
Gotta make yourself laugh y'know
Your so cool.... seriously!
“What the fuck you took?!” Loooool sounds just like the dude.
2:32 “We’re all reformed now.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Man! Thank you for the memories. My old Science teacher used to show us scared straight, I always looked forward to it. He also used to say he was thinking of organising a field trip to the local jail for the class but apparently him and the principal agreed that we'd probably all be there soon anyway so why ruin the surprise.
I only discovered Tom Segura a couple days ago but I've been watching several ~5min videos of him a day and he's already one of my favorite comics.
Me too!
Trust me, Tom doesn't miss, he has a handful of specials and they never get old.
Wow!
Cool story
@@danpalu2308 Thank you! I felt pretty good about it but it's always nice to get that positive reinforcement!
But forreal, posting comments helps the youtube channel get recommended so I try to post comments on channels and videos I like. It doesn't have to be earth shattering.
“This dude is so bad, that when he dies and he’s reincarnated, that guys doing life in prison also.” Underrated joke lol.
Stolen joke: czcams.com/video/oa7WdlIJZYY/video.html
@@shom11 Or as Amy Schumer calls it, "parallel thinking." 🙄
@@Scrufflelump my buddy told me this too. I can appreciate that. Especially since Segura is so prominent. No way comedians didnt see this and call him on it. Rogan went to the ends to expose Mencia. Segura is his boy. Will he protect or denounce? Either way...their rich and Im not. They got the last laugh!
"Scared Straight" should be a curriculum requirement
I get recommended this clip every so often so I watch it because it's hilarious. Then spend the next week or 2 randomly shouting "BIKES".
Im so grateful i found T Segura. His delivery is amazing !!!!
I got really wasted at my cousins wedding last month. I was told that I was yelling "Hold My Pocket!" repeatedly at 2am in the hotel lobby. Cops got called.
Haha I would have loved to see that! 😂
Dude ur a freaking legend 🤣
The hero we all needed but didn’t deserve
You a bad mamma jamma!!!
I work for hotels. Guests like you are the reason why we hate wedding parties.
Tom is one of the greatest right now.
I went to MMI (motorcycle mechanics institute) about the time this skit came out and all you could hear on campus all day long was people screaming BIKES 😂
The best scared straight episode ever
I feel the OG one from ‘78 has this one beat. I dig listening to how they spoke back then. Specifically white dude with the hat.
Other than the Boondocks episode with Tom, Riley, Huey, and Fleece Johnson….
@@Rick_Sanchez_C137_ that’s the scared stiff program
which episode is that
@@idealist4910 czcams.com/video/cbixajtXpRY/video.html
its all about the delivery, and Tom's is gold.
"My wife is kind of over it." I bet she is, but that shit is funny! "Don't sell drugs."
It would take a lot of patients to be his wife 🤣🤣🤣
Her: is everything a fucking joke to you
Him: it will be when I get on stage
@@pws3rd170 well they don’t live in a hospital so they don’t have to worry about “patients” lol
Best story ever! Tom’s the Goat
04:13 - 04:17 has me gasping for air over here
Watched it for the 10th time now, never occured to me to just look up the episode. It really was tremendous, thanks Tom ♥
I've watched this 100x but it's still funny 😂😂 BIKES!
Rewound that shit like 10 times to hear him yell bikes. Sounds like a beat 😂
Ever since seeing this my dad now screams BIKES every time we see someone on a bike while driving. Every now and then it almost gives me a heart attack but I still laugh every time.
At some point we need to acknowledge that Tom put this bit together just so fans would yell 'BIKES!' at him for the rest of his life.
Alright we're all reformed now. 😂 I love it!
The super cut of this bit with the original footage belongs in the YT Hall of Fame
I saw that episode the one time it aired and I still remember it. I remember Crazy Chris the Nightmare Man. One hell of a show.
If you’ve ever seen the mashup of this and the real documentary, it takes it to a whole new level
link?
@@ct7800 czcams.com/video/oXtjfSUuuzg/video.html
Omg I saw it. Insane.
@@AlwaysHereAndNow HOLD MY POCKET!
I need to see this so bad do you still have the link or what did you search lol
Watched it yesterday night, loved it. Took a bus today and drove by a bike shop. I was hard not to yell BIKES but I made it.
This is one of my favorite bits ever!!!
When I was in high school I was in a psychology class and as a field trip we went to the local prison. Afterwords the teacher apologized to everybody in our class because the prison guard who led us around treated our class like we were on a “scared straight tour”… We were brought into solitary confinement where the men shouted sexual obscenities at the girls in the group. Also, it was freezing in jail! The guard said they keep the temperature so cold bc inmates are “Less likely to fight with each other when they are worried about trying to stay warm.” TBH though, since that experience, I don’t ever wanna go to jail, not even for one night! I kinda think every teen should see the potential consequences of crime, via a prison tour
Dear DC .... where was this?
What state and what year,to be precise.... sorry for the grilling... I'm incredibly interested as I ended up in sherrif joe arpios jail .....what an eye opener....never thought I'd experience that!
Joke on you, crime is a corporate business in US, at least ever since Reagan privatized the jails. Statistically you will be put in jail for silliest things. That's how the corporation makes a profit.
@@criztu She's white she'll be fine
inmates don't give a fuck about the temp
Ok but that was the most roller coaster psychological experience for a high school psych class 💀
I can never get enough of the Bikes bit😂😂❤
This is my all time favorite bit. Me and my best friend yell bikes at random people when we're out driving.
This is the most genuine and creative setup i saw in years
Love his bobcat impressions
I swear it gets better every time i watch it😂😂
He tells good stories and is ridiculously funny.
@@l0-r3z43 said no one of any consequence
Tom is a great story teller I could listen to him all day.
Fuckin classic! I've got the BIKES shirt and I've listened to this bit about 100 times lol
This has me cracking up every time I watch it. And I know what's coming and it's still hilarious every freaking time. BIKES! :)
5 years later and I still yell “HOLD MY POCKET!!”
Automatically saving this for an always replay! Thanks Tom!
What I love is that his impression of the guy on the show is perfect.
I just found Tom’s videos, love the guy!
Very few comedians have what it takes to be funny.
For some it comes naturally. Tom’s a natural.
This dude is hilarious 😂
This guy.... 😂
Simple stories but his charisma is through the roof
Well I Just Cried Tears of Joy. Tom Is a amazing Comedian Thank you Tom.
So glad to see video for this one...Ho my pocket...
Once you rematch it after you watch the episode he’s talking about it becomes way better😂😂
I do this, too! Not the yelling at people part but the random little bit from something that enters your actual vocabulary.
I forgot how much I love this guy!
I finally know what he looks like in person when doing this bit.
I need to watch this episode 😂
please do, it's fucking hilarious
How do you find it??
I've watched this like 8 times over 2 days and I can't get enough......
I'm going out to buy a new bike today and couldn't stop thinking of this skit. Thanks Tom, you're a riot.
Tom's new special should be called "Laugh at Your Pain". This dude loves watching other people suffer.
Holy shit, that long for one of the best jokes I’ve ever heard. Hell yeah 👍😂
Such a great story teller
I dont know what happened but I finally woke up and realized Tom Segura is like a top 5 comic.
The original scared straight was 1978, the one in 1999 was scared straight, 20 years later. In 78 they showed it on TV uncensored with all the swear words. This was before our town had cable.
Saw both, still remember the inmate who took out his glass eye to the kids.
I love this skit!! I remember I saw this on tv and I remember the scared straight ep. I know BIKES!
Love 🤭😅😆😆❤️❤️
The only line that I love more than him shouting "BIKES!!" is the way he delivers WTF?! in "Completely Normal". Tom is a master in his craft!
Look. I love comedy. I love comedians and I love to laugh. This sketch came up on my feed and I was driving listening to it. I’ve known of Tom Segura for awhile but never watched a special. This story right here, has made him my new comedian I listen to all day!!! I think I’ve seen everything Bill Burr has done and thankfully I’ve found TS. I’ve watched a lot of his shorts, but I’ve seen this 1000 times and shared it with EVERYONE. I can’t stop laughing and screaming Bikes! He reminds me of a blue collar family guy I would work with. And his black guys voices are classic.
"you get one"
"all right i'm gonna make this shit count"
what a marriage, you see the communication, the understanding
I've just watched the episode off the back of this and it's every bit as good as he says
Phenomenal bit.
This is the exact fucking video I’ve been waiting for for a MIIIINNUTE
Lol, I think of this bit occasionally. BIKES!
Tom is just the cutest little patootie
Since I’ve seen this, I do this now. Thanks Tom.
The bowl cut 😂
This is the first seguraism that hooked me
Can you imagine going bike shopping and Tom Segura yelling bikes at you and tell u not to do drugs?
There's a bike shop near my house and my wife is also very over this bit when we drive by.
Instant Classic!
Hold my pocket! Lol. Classic.
This dude is too funny to be true LOL!
BIKES!! is what made me Segura fan.
I love this part of the comedy special