Buying Weed Used To Be Insane for Tom Segura | Netflix Is A Joke
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- čas přidán 31. 07. 2020
- It was a different time!
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"Where we going??"
"Chill out"
"Iiight."
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 So underrated.
As soon as I saw this it played😂
Lmaooooo
This is how you talk to your gf 😁🤣
I had flashbacks when he said that. Lol. Scary sometimes in illegal states.
Oh the good ol' days of the middle man. A person who would take you to the most random, sketchyist parts of town to meet the most random, sketchyist of people for just a wee bit of bud. You may get a bag of stems, you may have gotten robbed, and of course all of the wonderful tweakers and drunks you'd often have the pleasure of sharing a blunt with. The end of the middle man is near but I'll be sure to share their legacies with my future children.
‘We just need to go get it’ was the worst sentence I could hear as a 17 year old. The 3 hour round trip is so true.
"Just give me all the money and I'll be right back with it" is a close 2nd lol spending 3 hours constantly wondering if you'd actually get it or if you'd get burnt with a story. Repeatedly going back and forth between being overly positive then negative about what was going to happen.
Good times.
Jeff Van Rooy basic human function at such a young age. Search. Anticipation. Relief. Repeat.
Look all these dealer's are smart enough not to keep the dope on the premises. Nothing worse than having a stranger come to your door looking to score. Is he an under cover cop?
Lol you obviously have no experience with this. Most of the time these types actually do have it on them but they are trying to get rides to make more plays or hit the store because alot of dealers have no license lol or have warrants or whatever so they dont drive themselves anywhere lol they make the play with a car drive them to hit the plays without cars and shit.
@@dexikid this was 28 years ago
Every time a dealer says “I don’t have it on me” I know it’s gonna be a long day.
Only if they're trustworthy or you're stupid. But the new generation has the honor system in some places and it even works.
so true
PREACH
Omg they can go fck themselves 😂
Lolcreation Lol most dealers are my friends, but still “wait here, play on my computer or listen to some music. I’ll be right back man”...
"There's no better feeling than killing the enemy."
Love how it came full circle 😂😂😂.
🤣😂🤣
The story doesnt add up though His dad recently told him "theres no better feeling than killing the enemy" but he said he used the line when he was 16 lmao still funny tho
The president is the enemy and you want to feel GREAT ^^
It was a stupid joke, stupid minds
@@suitedup2965 It's not about the timeline it's about the narrative
Inside? Paralysis. But what I said was "That's what's up."
Every. day.
Only Tom can talk about buying weed as a teenager and seamlessly transition into a story about killing a woodpecker.
Yeah, but I want to know what happened looking to get a sack at the solo trailer
@@jonathananderson7990 damn, that's rough
Stand alone trailer guy was actually kinda of a good dude…… He went to get you weed and left you a 357 and shotgun for protection 😂😂
I would've worn gloves though.
always looking out for mom too
Lol, you speak true there friend...well protected! What a good Samaritan😆
Still the most scary housing situation.
That's because he lives in a stand alone trailer. Probably has beef with at least one person willing to murder him, not to mention easy pickings for any robbery.
“I threw grenades into bunkers” 💀💀💀💀💀
I literally got a message from my dealer saying he’s camping in the woods and totally available WHILE WATCHING THIS.
That's some customer service!
I’m very sorry to hear about your arms 😔 are you Italian by any chance?!
@@Protectobot 😮 yes
😂😂😂😂
Sounds f.u.c.k.i.n.g lit 😅
It's nice getting a receipt for cannabis now. Haha
Is it as taxed as everyone says?
No receipts or taxes in my state yet. No medical or rec! Crazy might as well tax it, and legalize it everywhere.
Brenden 1516 YES. Especially recreationally.
Brenden 1516 if indoor 40-65 an 1/8
Jeff ro I gotta disagree my boy grows dosi outdoor will have u staring at the dryer for 30 mins and I get 1/2 for 60 and whole zip for 100 I’ve smoked a snow dream and alien og from a club I can co sign but looks better than it gets u.
Man, I’m still getting in strangers cars. Louisiana is a dump.
Prices are crazy inflated there too, I'm a Texas native and it's literally half the price if not less here.
@@SemiglossOyster in South Louisiana, prices are good, and the product comes from Colorado
Now you understand why the wall needs to be built..
Around that State! :P
@@OMGtheykilledKenny42 I completely agree, I'd much rather have mine come in from Cali... that's where the great shit is!
@@jacobmaxey6588 Just something I've heard from older relatives, they may be just getting taken advantage of.
If you can just go to 7-11 to get some primo ganja by the time I die, than I left this world a little better than I found it.
Wait until Amazon starts selling cannabis it's going to be huge! Once it's federally legal of course. Buy amazon stocks now especially since amazon pharmacy just opened, will be the largest pharmacy in the world.
He burnt my shake yea but if they do that wouldn’t there be like a whole bunch of laws preventing kids from getting access
@@Heburntmyshake amazon is $3,200
@@dmoney6966 get rich first then invest.
@@DISTR4CK because thats so simple
Ah the good ol days when a 20 sack would last me a week lol
Shit I don't miss them days most of that weed was garbage
You are either very very old or you got s*** weed dude hahaha! J/k
A 20 sack? What kind of stoner vocabulary is a fckin 20 sack?
hell nah that was some corn in foil. get yo old ass outta herw
Yea Its Me Matt you’re trippin if you don’t know, that’s like nowadays NOBODY calls good weed “dro” it’s all “exotics” now shit sounds gay lmao
It is so crazy how buying weed used to be unreliable and sketchy but that was also part of the fun
If you miss the adventures then just start buying meth. You dont have to actually smoke it, but i guarantee those crazies will take you on some crazy journeys...lol
Yeah some of my best stories from high school and college centered around trips to buy weed. Weird shit would always happen.
@@evananderson1455 no no no flaka is where the real trip is at
@@Max-he2vx I don't even know what that is. You kids w your hip lingo are too much.
@@evananderson1455 flaka is not hip! its called the zombie drug. It was all over the US
He nailed it with all his Dad stories.
Do you know what special this is?
Disgraceful
My weed man in high school use to open the door almost every time I came. He would be wearing Corona flip flops, body armor and some boxers holding a shotgun.
I have owned like three pairs of Corona flip flops, and I'm crazy too
@@corvairkid17 are you my old weed man ? Lol
Sounds like the guy who wears an armadillo hat in the Dukes of Hazard movie
I'm Gen-Z and my weed boy lets me in the passenger seat, talk and then I leave. His dad is in government. They have the same last name so I asked if that was his dad and he said "yes" not givin a fuck. These times are so much easier I'm blessed
Dude was def fucking around with you
Ever spend hours hanging out with people you don't know while one of their buds is out "getting it"? Remember hoping this was not the day the house got raided?
I said no to drugs
I've been there and they got me drunk while I was waiting. Not the safest of life choices.
and you just sit there anxiously in a room of people you barely know PRAYING that every car that drove past was them so you could just smoke and go home lmaooo. worst is when they put on a movie and everyones just awkwardly sitting there
Yeah I hated going into bunkers and basements where these guys dwelled. Then sit there with total strangers and count seconds.
I remember walking into my dealers, already plastered (was getting on for some mates) and the first thing i see is 3 fire fighters, in full fire fighting gear that looked like they had just put out a huge fire, my immediate reaction was to turn and run only to have my dealer yell at me, "GET THE FUCK BACK HERE" to which i quickly complied. Turns out, they had in fact just finished fighting a fire, they're shift was done and was time to get high... That was the point which i realised that it's not only dead beats who smoke, in fact, dead beats make up only a small % of people who do smoke and thus ended my judgement... I still don't want anything to do with dead beats though, they want nothing more than to bring you down to their level...
“Did you ever kill anybody?”
🤷♂️ “I threw grenades into bunkers”
"Do you have any stories _i n b e t w e e n_ those two stories?"
“I threw grenades into bunkers” with his dad voice has to be one of my favorite Tom lines.
Theo von "he said killing someone was the most relaxing thing he ever did.
Tom Segura "I bet" "I bet it feels good"
Used to risk my life for it and now I have a rewards card for weed 😂
My local dispensary too 😂 ten eighths get one free
How much is it over there?
"Cool story, NERD" omfg I'm dead
😂😂a marijuana cigarette
Lieutenant
1970’s background check: Who’s he? He’s with me, don’t worry, he’s cool.
YUP.
I laughed so hard on the moment where he goes: "Jesus. It's Christmas, bro. Goddamn"
Do y'all know weed isn't legal in every state?.....most stoners are still living like this lol
He’s talking as if he’s talking to his kids in the future
Yeah. But not too far away from full legalization.
Happy to be in california lol
@NotJo hell ya brother
Indeed sir
*"YOU TRYNA GETTA SACK?"*
i don’t understand?
@@egemensuzgun4208 I'm quoting him.
Oh shit
"BIKES..!!" ; )
this is the funniest bit ive ever heard from Tom. I used to not be impressed by him but dang he just keeps getting better and better. I laughed out loud like 10 times during this clip. Tom, if you are readying this, thanks for the laughs man
Watch Tom Segura Disgraceful on Netflix, this clip is from that special
Tom does a bit at how awful backhanded compliments are worse than saying nothing... watch that one.
Jason Smith 🤣🤣🤣🤣👌🏻
That whole special is fire
Herbivore 710 ball hog is better
I bought weed from a girl, at the projects, who sold me a gram of weed in a napkin at the playground
😭
She probably gave some of her own stuff. Dealers always have baggies 😆
Validated
@@iare19 not true
LOL. That is a good woman.
Until he mentioned it I never really thought about how close I came to dying in the early 1980's in my constant search for weed. Very funny.
I love how causal his dad is about killing the enemy.
"Conan, what is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women."
I used to always hang out at my buddies house after school, and we noticed that one of his neighbours had what we thought were weed plants growing over his fence. So one day we finally worked up the courage to go around to his house and knock on the door. We asked him if he sold weed. He immediately got aggressive af and said “Who are you?! Who told you about me?” whilst stepping towards us. We told him that we saw the weed from over the fence and my friend lived next door. He then immediately switched tones and said “oh come in then”. We all smoked a joint and he became our weed dealer for the rest of highschool after that lmao
He had visible weed plants you could see while walking by? And he was your dealer the rest of high school? Hmmm
@@markl5998 In some towns or places, nobody gave a fokk about plants. Back in 94 i was in Albion, Orleans County New York and everybody including the police knew who the grower and seller of MJ was. He went away to jail when he started selling Cocaine in 98, wich lasted like two weeks and they busted him and went away for like 10 years.
@@markl5998 fr
@@markl5998 his friend lived next door. He didn’t say you could see them “walking by”. Probly saw them from a second story window.
"The most terrifying housing situations that exist."
Sheltered souls.
Being homeless insnt a housing situation. Its a lack thereof lol
I think he means to buy weed from
@@kingsford6540 No it means you're that crazy that no one wants to be around you. Homeless usually are together, this guy is alone.
Weed is still illegal here in Wisconsin... :( But back in the late 1970's, seeing that this was the straight lace suburbs, you could get it just about anywhere IF you were in high school.
One of the wildest buys I had was with a bunch of friends. We all had some cash on us and it was Saturday evening. One of the guys made a call and found out that one of the kids had just scored a bunch of sensimella that he'd sell in tinfoil packs for $5 a pop. You opened one of those packs at a party and everybody knew you had some sensi because it smelled so awesome. Anyway, we try calling this kid but no go so five of us just decided to go to his house and see if he was home.
We knock on Fat Boys back door - weird name but that was what everybody called him and no, he was not fat - and what we believed to be Fat Boys dad opens the door. We looked in and saw like six people sitting at the dinner table eating. We were like shit, we interrupted their dinner and thought we'd better leave. His dad looks at us and then hollers, "Hey Fat Boy, I think you have some customers here." We are like WHHAAATTT? Even his DAD calls him Fat Boy AND he knows he deals weed ALONG WITH the rest of his family???!!! So Fat Boy comes to the door and goes, "Hey, come on in, I'll run up stairs and get it, how many do you want?" So there we are, standing in Fat Boys kitchen, his family eating dinner, little kids and all, waiting for Fat Boy to bring down his weed so we can make a drug deal RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS WHOLE FAMILY! He comes down with a big clear baggy and doles out $60 worth of weed IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY, we thank him and he said he'd try to meet up with us later on that night. We leave and walk back out to the street and we all stop at once and look at each other like did this REALLY happen? Crazy shit man, crazy shit!
Only in Wisconsin 😂
What's crazy is that it is crazy.
hahahahaha well that's definitely some crazy shit
I love that his dad also calls him Fat Boy
Wisconsin in the 70s hmmm sounds alot like that 70s show lol good story!
3:46 imagine being an enemy soldier and hearing a “hey buddy!” behind you just as everything goes black
"Heya buddy. How's it going?"
Hey buddy. It's Top Dog.
"My dad's like, 'What do you wanna know?' " His dad's a storyteller like him. :)
Tom's delivery is seriously always on point
So, I just looked it up and sure enough the "Long Billed Woodpecker" is DEFINITELY listed as critically endangered lol I know that I shouldn't be laughing about this but I just find it hilarious the way that Tom told the story.
im so glad im not the only one that did that 😂
I was more disturbed by the victory hollers when he said "there's no better feeling than killing the enemy" at the end. There's finding it funny, and then there's "f*ck y'all I do what I want"
@daniel ramirez
...neither is having priorities.
Well I doubt it's actually true that he did. The last sighting of an American long billed woodpecker, also known as an ivory-billed woodpecker, was in 1944 and the last sighting of a Cuban long billed woodpecker was 1987. Most likely this was actually a pileated woodpecker which is commonly misidentified for a ivory-billed woodpecker so if you're just hearing a retelling of how it looks it'll be easy to think that it might be a ivory-billed woodpecker while it's actually a pileated woodpecker, who are much more common and listed as least concerned.
@@fredit123456789 what the fuck. I feel like I just went to the museum of nature and science.
Dude is a master story teller.
“You have to come get it”
Me at 16, walking 2 hours in a snow storm for the most garbage bud i had ever smoked, got me ridiculous high at the time though 😂
At that age, even shit weed will get you high as fuck when it was an adventure, good or bad, to get it. The dopamine of finally getting it, and finally getting to smoke, and all that. Lol. Miss those days just a little bit, honestly.
Top Dog said "Killing the enemy is like an almost sexual experience" on one episode.
“It’s better”
Top dog is the shiznit!
Night Ripper Charters are you so OCD that, grammar mistakes annoy you?
@@grizzy77 He wasnt correcting him was stating that no it's not like a sexual experience it's better than a sexual experience, but I see where you thought that.
The irony in God damn it's Christmas bro is hilarious
It's crazy seeing what a lot of these comedians look like. I work in my car and listen to NFIJ radio constantly. Heard hundreds of different bits...the comedians I was unfamiliar with before hand never appear like what I pictured in my head lol
Bruh, nobody looks like you'd think. You could probably write a good comedy bit on comedians and how you thought they'd look.
It takes one hell of a comedian to make you laugh at someone throwing a grenade into a bunker
Got my jeans high and tight, and a gallon of koolaid. Lets do this
This is the most underrated comment
5 calories
Zelda Shifflett drink it for the vitamin c . Gotta stay healthy
Devon Rai just following proto
Love to see the mommies in these comments filled with normies. Piss on me and beat me
Being high listening to this is scary and hilarious at the same time
Inside: "Paralysis"
Outside: "That's whats up"
Seems like my life motto
How you know his dad is a real Marine by one phrase “Figure it out”
Yes 100% true.
Worked for a former navy guy, his favorite phrase to a T.
Wouldn't a real marine shoot the bird himself though?
"Its Christmas bro! God damn.." 😂😂😂
“This will all make sense” lol
Hilarious!!! Was 7-11 on fire?? 🤣🤣🤣
His dads the most honest man alive its the best feeling ever haha
*YOU TRYIN TO GET A SACK?!*
The other weird thing about buying weed from a friend of a friend back in the day (especially in a college setting) is that there was this social etiquette / expectation that you were supposed to smoke a bowl with the guy you just bought weed from and hang out with him for like 20-30 minutes before you left his house. It was considered rude if you just bought the weed and then left (at least where I came from). I guess it was supposed to be a trust thing to help screen out narcs or something.
No it was in case his house was being watched, dinkus
@Rehd66 LOL no, it wasn't.
Uh..Yes it was@@drrockkso8882
@@drrockkso8882 If you were a narc/cop, he'd already have been busted for not only possession, but for having sold it to you to begin with - this is especially true, if going by the steps of your story, you had already paid for it. Unlike you see on TV or hear from people that don't know - a cop doesn't have to tell you that they are indeed a cop if you ask - they can absolutely lie.
On the other hand, if people were going into a dealer's house and coming back out a minute or two later - well, that looks suspicious.
Tom segura is a master of the punchline lmao
Remember when weed used to have seeds?! 🤣
“ I need you to shoot a bird”
"Theres no better feeling than killing the enemy." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It’s like telling kids that Netflix use to send you videos in the mail..
"Were there people in there??"
"There were, yeah.."
My favorite part! So good!
Lmao I'm waiting for some weed rn
You still waiting?
@@quadeappenheimer8135 probably
Aware you still waiting? Still?
His facial impressions are everything.
Damn, livin' in The Netherlands is some good shit
This is so true my guy made me drive him around picking up other shit all the time
4:53 “This will all make sense.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“He said he’s 10 minutes away.” 😂😂😂 the dreaded wait
I've done the stand alone trailer thing a few times. But I had known the guy since elementary school and he never asked me to shoot anyone.
Why am I only now being introduced to this dude?! Hilarious. 😂
Daddy used to get in cars with strangers." 😂😂
Tom Segura's delivery is top shelf. Laughed my ass off.
"Jesus, it's Christmas, bro, God damn!" LMAO
This dude is funny and can tell a good story 👏🏿👏🏿
he killed this
The "I'm around the corner" is always the worst too. They dont say which corner just they are around one lol.
That Ahh I’m crazy at the end was courtesy of Dave Chapelle
Brings me back to the days of being 16 with zero responsibility, only worries on our mind was sitting around waiting for the weed man to text back all day, not only that, but hoping he’d be available or had some. Worst was the days waiting around only to find out they were dry. Those were the days, good thing weed is legal in Michigan now!
And you're probably a nobody now lmao
Remember when the suburbs got dispos and you didn't have to drive to 8 mile anymore?
@@TreewwwyYzzerdd ahhh haha or in my case, Pontiac for the ridiculously prices reggos lol
This is my FAVORITE Tom Segura bit!! 🙌🏻👏🏻🤣
“YOU TRYNA GET A SACK!!”
He shot the bird but then said HE was blown away: the unwitting irony there! 😝 😆
This guy had me dead AF!😂😂😂👏🏾👏🏾. How does he keep from laughing at his own jokes .
That would've been considered one of the more heartwarming Christmas stories to tell in my family growing up...I don't hang out with that side of the family anymore.
In Fresno they use pigeons to deliver dope across the city. It’s amazing really
He's funny 100% of the time
I remember those days...i was the driver.
But it still is like that many places in the u.s.
Weed aint completly legal yet
Ha, I've been the muscle for the driver. My instructions from the driver, who was also the dealer, were to fuck off if it got violent. I was literally just there to look bigger and angrier than the other guy.
I love this guy 😭😭😭
I went to jail for a seed and sticks found in my car 20 years ago. Literally less than a pinch
Happens to millions worldwide because of americas draconian drug laws and the influence we have over the UN and other nations domestic policies.
"Land of the Free" my asshole
I love this guy! He has a singer's voice too
This set was sooooo amazing!!
One of the funniest comics of all time
I rarely laugh out loud watching stand up. Like once in a blue moon. This was one of those times. Thanks man.
Hey Netflix. Thanks for blasting BASS into my ears at the end of the video.
I love how in like 7 minutes it goes from how different getting weed used to be to "So, I made a whole specie go extinct, WHAT'S UP? IT WAS GREAT"
The situations I put myself into for weed is absolutely ridiculous to think about now. So glad its legal now.
This is literally comedic genius! Great job! Very funny and relatable
"AHHH, I'M CRAZY!"
I'm so early, my parents would be proud
2:09 up to the that’s what’s up 😂
The “AHHH I’m crazy” gets me everytime😂😂
This was so damn funny, I actually want to watch it again. That's rare!
My kids will think brick shwag is a myth.