"the trees are smashing the temples" - why we can't let go of the past
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- čas přidán 28. 11. 2013
- Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 "How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath"
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I absolutely love your waffling on. You are impacting my recovery more than I can articulate. Each video opens a new aspect of self analysis that seems personally and excellently crafted just for me. I'm purchasing one of your programs today because I want to support you in this selfless and brilliant ministry toward those of us who who are lost in our emotional state. You even make Vaknin accessible!
Thank you, you prince of awesomology.
Me slso!!!!!!!!!
Personally I couldn't let go of the past because I wanted to return to a 'time of perfection'. Around the age of 19 I was up on my psychology, I was charming, happy, etc.
Then I met some negative people, a negative love interest and I spiraled down from there.
For years I blamed those people, blamed the love interest. Then one day I found some old notes from when I was 19 (in my late 20's now), it was a love note I wrote when I was 19, supposedly in my 'perfect time'. It was ludicrous. Full of abusive stuff, full of naivety.. imperfect.
Suddenly a lightbulb went off.
Anton, you were never perfect, you've always been struggling with this or that. You've idealized a time that you want to return to, but you never can, and it was never the 'perfection' you thought it was. I felt a weight being lifted as I discovered I'd been imperfect all my life, and could look at my past with empathy.
I believe this is why people who struggle socially in school are often happier later in life, and why people who 'peak early' can often end up a mess. It's a human habit to look at our past and say 'wow that was shit, I'm in a much better place now!' and cheer ourselves up. Or to say 'it was so much better then, I wish I could go back!' and make ourselves sad.
Neither is the truth. Stories can hurt, or cheer us up. I don't care who you are, you were never perfect and neither was I.
I finally looked at the people around me and told them softly "I can no longer stay sick for you" I let go and only review my movie now and then to see how far I've come or to research a familiar scene, different actors. Measure and Observe.
That (un)reel now sits quietly, no longer able to tie it's cutting plastic around my neck. For now I walk alone, but I walk in patience, awareness and freedom.
Yes, totally original. I write alot, think alot.
TKS
Brilliantly put. Its just like that.
"The Cure for the Pain, is the Pain"
Rumi
RCA root cause analysis
Roots trees temples good analogy
I think is a survival instinct, you remember the bad things probably because your still in that environment, for example when your with the person that causes you misery your miserable, but the moment your in a completely different certain (depending on how traumatized you are) you often feel more relaxed and hardly ruminate on the misery. When you feel your environment is not safe, you need to pay attention to the bad things, when you know someone is a sadistic, narcissist, and you are not in the position to change or fight back (your the child, or your graduate living at home etc), there is a helplessness in that, but also maybe paying attention to the bad misery, allows you to navigate that environment well, so you aren't visible to the exploiters.
Additionally it could be simply be a primal cry for revenge, your pound of flesh for whatever evil deeds where committed against you. I have listened to a lot of vids on this and they miss the point that, YOU want your pound of flesh, that is why you are apathetic, it does not mean you are just like the narcissist or you are evil or going to become one of the undead. Simply put, when someone who has no justifiable reason to be soo malicious, fucks up your life like this, and they dont even apologise, but seem to revel in the trauma they have caused. Who in their right mind would want to pick up and carry on like nothing happened, are you fucking insane, of course you wont, before that, I imagine you must have been a confident happy person, and I am sorry that you were brought up to be soo naive that you were unaware of the encouraged parasitism of a large marjority of the human species.
Why people cannot let go can be explained through this simple explanation I often think about.
You, a normal, wide eyed, happy, positive, naturally enthusiastic, somewhat naive, but not to the extent that bad experiences ,which you incur whilst going through life, will drag you down.
You are on your yellow brick road of life walking down confidently, adjacent to you is someone else also on their road, it seems odd to you, they are miserable looking and not walking at all, almost as if they have given up and, there is this look of contempt for you almost, which you do not know why, because YOU have never caused this person any pain, you might not even have any idea who they are.
Out of the blue, this other person pushes you into a bush of stinging nettles, you watch as they laugh with PLEASURE, their eyes piercing through your face, searching for the emotions they wish to envoke in you through the act of pushing you into the bush and secondly the laughing, because they deduce that you are soo weak and soo kind that you will possibly never ever fight back, that is why they did what they did.
As you stare them you realise, small little nettles on them aswell, you draw the conclusion that someone also did this to them whilst on their journey. BUT that is not important right now (although it is something to ponder on). The question now is:
Do you pick yourself up and carrying on with these stinging nettles all on you, irritation you, taking up your mind space, frustrating you, carrying on with life with this as your companion. There is also the possibility that by the time you finally do get rid of the nettles as you walk on, you would too old and in-firmed to ever be as spontaneously happy and motivated as you were before.
OR
Do you stop, Do you decide to not take another step further, rather instead you rest your self on the spot and begin, one by one pulling every single nettle out of your skin, it does not matter how long it will take, the mere fact that you decided to do this now means that you will not have to carry it on tomorrow and onward. It doesn't matter that stopping in your tracks will give the guy across from you the pleasure and even the motivation to carry on their journey now (because some sadists can only push on in life, can only refuel knowing that there is someone they can always look down on when things turn sour , a scapegoat,( i.e sexism, racism, etc). Taking the time to do the work now will miniseries the chances of this ever happening again because you would be wiser.
And once you have all those nettles out, you stand tall again on that yellow road, you might not wear that wide eyed look no more, that spontaneous joy might be extinguished a bit as you realize that your environment is not as safe as you thought. You might also be FUCKING PISSED that soo much time was lost over NOTHING but pure MALICIOUS INTENT, and you body which is all primal will be crying for revenge.
I hope like me you will carry on your journey wiser than before, and you might come across the perpetrator and they will look in your face knowing that they never apologized, and thinking that you are as weak as them, in that their maliciousness crippled your life. If they confront you by all means put them in their place, which ever way YOU want. Most likely they will hover around not saying anything at all but smirking and hovering around, hoping to illicit the memories of what they have done to you, they know your body wants to fucking cleave their skull in two, but passive aggressiveness is the tool of the modern idiots in this world, were you to confront they will point blank tell you that they have no idea what you are talking about.
Deal with the memory, go easy on yourself, take your time, feel the rage,find the root cause of your pain and accept the truth of it, regain control and do not allow these weak ass passive aggressive fools, to use your pain as a weapon.
Wow that was long!
I am so happy you put the old videos back, to the channel. This is my favourite video of yours, I even dreamt about it, the trees, the temple, in old style cinematographic colours .. Mindblowing. From time to time I come here and watch it again, it is so soothing for the soul...
Please don't apologize for going on and on...you are helping me (and many others, I'm sure) tremendously! Thank you so much for giving us your time & wisdom!
I greatly appreciate your videos...there is no one in our daily life to relate to about these issues...somehow hearing them articulated and defined in your videos, is comforting. We don't feel so isolated...
Yes I have come across this problem in my life . No one to truly listen and advise me ever in my childhood, adolescence, ..... No important conversations, no wisdom handed down, really effed up stuff that was actually maladaptive is what I have been doing and thinking my whole life. I have never known if being born into a effed up FOO is a perpetual disadvantage. In other words, am I so severely damaged that I cannot get past it? Having an absolute from the very beginning of my life Gulag type of upbringing, make me defective and incapable of the healing process?
perfect!
--- identify with the pain ---- to get past it. "The problem is holding me up"
... "The pain that you carry is a part of you" I needed to hear this.
Thank you
I enjoy watching and listening to you in your videos Richard, and have been periodically since the last part of 2016. I find your videos to be helpful, insightful, validating, as well as intellectually stimulating. I myself have recently been involved with, and had a short term relationship with a narcissistic partner. I never, ever want to go through that again. lol But seriously, it's not even funny. Before that relationship, I never even knew what a narcissist was. I had to educate myself after all the strange and bothersome behavior. Always listen to your gut. It took me a while to process all that was happening. And didn't help that I had no one, and no where to turn to for help. And financially was also a problem. I'm so thankful I was able to break free after only a year and a half of being together. No contact is great strategy. I grew up being abused from an alcoholic father, and a mother who was affraid of my father. Who did whatever my father demanded her to do. At the age of 14, I had enough of the abuse, and ran away from home. I was ultimately taken away from my parents by the court system, (as well as my brother and sister) and put in institutions. At the age of 16, I was emancipated by the courts. And became a legal adult. The state helped me financially to live on my own. I grew up very very quick. Quickly after, I met, and eventually, after many years, married an abusive man. Mentally, emotionally, verbally, as well as physically abusive. And were together for 23 years. What ultimately ended that marriage, was the abuse, and uncompassionate treated I received after I was involved in a bad motor vehicle accident, and sustained neck and back injuries that would leave me in severe and excruciating constant chronic pain. He wasn't supportive, and the abuse escalated to extreme proportions. It continued for quite a few years until I could no longer bare, and we divorced. What I have learned through all of these experiences, is to never lose sight of who you truly are. People will try so hard to break you down, but you must not lose sight to who you are. I have always had a strong sense of who I was. God has blessed me with so much. So many talents, and a good heart. You must come to a point, where you make a conscious decision to let it all go, and forgive, or not forgive, but to not forget, in order to move forward to find joy or happiness again. You must let it go. Each situation was a bit different for me. And I'm sure there is residual trauma deep down that still needs to be brought up and processed, as I've stored, or should I say, stuffed down way inside me. I had to forget so much trauma I experienced as a child. That's how I learned to deal with it. I learned from you through this video of yours, the importance of dealing with the pain when it comes up. Feeling it, instead of suppressing it. This is something very new for me. And I've got to say, even though I'm a bit affraid of experiencing this, I am open to trying it. My mind, and my intuition feels it is needs to be done. No more running away. No more stuffing it down deeply. I just turned 53. Just recently, I have made the decision to give myself permission to cry when I feel an emotion comes up. I'm not always successful at it, but I'm working on it. I understand the value and advantages of expressing my emotions now, after so many many years of trying to be strong for myself. It is a work in progress. I want to thank you Richard, for your videos, your authenticity, and integrity, and all the work you do, to bring your knowledge to those who are willing and ready to hear and learn from you how we can help ourselves to heal. You are greatly appreciated!! I love and enjoy listening and watching your videos. Do please keep them coming !! Your faithful follower, lol ~ Marilyn 😃
I found EMDR helped me to process the pain of the past and to accept it and move on. It doesn’t change the past, it hasn’t been wiped away. But it no longer has the same effect. It was burdensome carrying around all that pain and triggers.
I'm glad, as you say, waffled on a bit!! Thank you this was just what I needed today!! The Holidays trigger me and pull me back into the past, we fight these things daily sometimes.
Mr Grannon, thank you for sharing your wisdom and being the sugar to the medicine
vids from yourself and Sam have cleared up everything have given me the reason which has given me the answer to let go of the physical and mental abuse of the first 20 years of my life. Nice one fella. I can now look at the past and realise that it was down to having two narcissistic parents and being an empath! Cheers for the release and much appreciated
One of my favorites. You are a wonderful story teller, Richard.
Such a kind soul.
Thank you
My God you've been everywhere Sir Richie! Thank you, and cheers.
Hello Richie- you spoke in this video about something that happened to me when I wanted to 'fix' my life at age 25. I was introduced to the book the Primal Scream, by Arthur Janov and instantly was fascinated by it and sought out Primal Therapy...across the country in Los Angeles, CA. I figured THIS would solve all my drunk daddy and enabling mommy issues. I was one of the unfortunates that experienced a psychotic break at the end of the 3 week intensive one- to -one therapy sessions, of essentially 'peeling' off the layers of coping skills I had developed over 25 years of life. Well, they 'peeled' back everything to the point where when the counselor said, 'ok, it's time to find a job and join the outside world,' I was totally overwhelmed, suddenly experienced what a panic attack was, and freaked out. They (unintentionally) pretty much rubbed my nose in my abandonment issues all over again (although I didn't have words for what I was experiencing until I stumbled upon you and Sam Vaknin). Never in my life has I lost touch with reality until that moment. The hospital treated me for bi-polar disorder and sent me on my merry way with depakote and olanzapine as my new friends. Happy to say I was successfully weaned off the drugs in less than a year and am still on my healing journey. I'm 43 now and only experienced those psychotic breaks 4 times over that year period. Frightening time!!! The rest of my crazy family is STILL disappointed that I am not on meds and wish they could find some disorder in me...
The connection you made about awareness and pain is quite profound and very liberating. Pain is generally considered 'bad' in current Western society, as something to be avoided at all costs (hence the addictions, huge egos and detachment form our inner wisdom that we all see around us/experience in this age of 'modernity'). I read recently about a Buddhist monk whose husband did not speak to her for ten days when they were on a pilgrimage because he became angry with her manner. Initially she was also angry and self-righteous, then deeply sad, but by the last day she thanked him for making her aware of something she was doing that hurt others and for the entire experience that rendered her more mumble and more at peace. This is an example of a culture that does not fear pain. I'm sure you know, the ancient Greeks - especially the Spartans - were like that as well, believing that pain was very useful in getting stronger, physically, mentally and spiritually. Maybe 'letting go' of the past and past pain, as you said, is not the answer .. I certainly would not want to be without a past! Maybe if we accept our pain and welcome the places the awareness can take us the resistance to it will be lifted and there can be more harmony..
Having been a single mother for many years, confused a lot of the time.I had a fractured skull & memory loss from a motor accident and that brain damage achieved what many years of therapy & /or antidepressants..I wasn't troubled by old news, the past, old wounds, all I can say is I was released from pain, habits and self torture....Strangely ...15 years later as a sage old lady...the memories have become re revealed....I now have the ability to view them with hindsight and some essence of forgiveness.
What a beautiful talk, rich with imagery, visceral, and poetic. A great springboard for thinking, but even more for feeling where our roots are holding or letting go. The temple and trees are in a constant dance between balance and collapse, so trees grow slowly but reach the light.
Mental and physical scars are there to remind us to be more careful next time . We need them!
Richard ; My biggest question is why I do not get angry. Pain is the first more constant emotion for me. At 62, my life the past few years is recovering , and healing as an empathetic from narcissism. Could you speak on this " no anger " issue. You are an incredible gift, I am extremely grateful for your sharing. Keep on , for you help so many move forward in huge ways. There's certainly only one you.
Super relevant for me right now. Awesome tools for my new thinkies. Thank you.
one more reason to just keep on watching your posts
truly brilliant once more
thank you, keep cool
Love how you explain the message you are giving.thanks.x
I love this! Thank you!
Thank YOU for your time.
I spent 2 months in SE Asia and spent a day traveling through Angor Wat. I was also impressed with how the jungle was overtaking the temples as well. Great analogy and perspective. Also enjoyed your colorful description of the condition of your accommodations. I too have some interesting stories :) really related to you!
I love watching your videos. It's very honest; makes just hearing you very therapeutic.
I love watching your videos. It's very honest; makes just hearing you, very therapeutic.
We can't let go of the past because we have not fully accepted/experienced it. Instead we try to rewrite it, creating scenarios over and over again hoping for a different outcome. There are emotions attached to the past that haven't been felt. They will stay with us until we feel them. Perhaps we recreate scenarios for the opportunity to feel the unfelt feelings. The nature of the obstacle to jungle growth is an unwillingness to accept pain. I think that in the case of CPTSD there was just too much pain to be felt. It overwhelmed us. As a defense we shut off our ability to process pain. Maybe the best we can do now is chip away the huge ball of pain a little at a time.
I am learning to accept my pain & engage with it, instead of try to escape it ..
you are my new best friend lol
Many thanks for this work you do.
Thank you for your insights. I recently found your channel and find your approach very refreshing, grounded and heartfelt.... I look forward to the next video. I wish you much success my friend.
Pain is precious,
Pain is dear....
Although unsought,
It's brought me here....
My mind it seeks,
A safety net...
But wisdom comes,
Through lifes regret....
i have been watching all all your videos which inspire me to get a grip I have started leaving comments and and my picture here is on my beautiful daughter who got married in May 2015 in case you think she is the one messed up I was paraletic drunk on this amazing occassion however my cross to bear this beautiful girl just wants her mom back not the depressed sad person I have become 4 years ago i read eat pray love and thought going to an ashram in India would cure me instead i went back into the comfort on my narc ex, but I am now understanding i am a codepedant which daughter here told me also an aloholic attending aa meetings. just wanted you to know that your videos are helping me slowly not the magic wand i wanted but its going to be a long process and for the record was born in liverpool until we emmigrated to south africa when i was 6
i feel like im in that push pull cycle. I have been suffering from PTSD for about 2 years and have recently started to make lifestyle changes and step out of my cave but I am still struggling with letting go of tension. I came to understand that I am tense because of real life events and this helps me to let go somewhat of social anxiety, but I am still in constant battle with trying to let go of the tension. I can feel it in my body...its as if I'm addicted to the tension and I have to constantly remind myself to let go of it. it definitely doesn't help to wake up and interact with a narcisstic parent but luckily your videos have helped me cope with my current situation. Besides the fact that my environment is not supportive I feel it is within my power to completely let go of this pent up tension. I have been discouraged these past couple days and my ability to let go and become one with moment or as I like to say "go with the flow" has regressed. I am now wondering if I should do away with my practice of trying to let go of the tension and just commit to going with the flow no matter what, even if I feel tension in my body and just see where it takes me. Any advice would be much appreciated.
This has been so helpful and informative.I feel like a robot.That has been shut down and filled with sadness and tears.But I force myself to eat,raw salads and fresh fruits.plenty of water
Very interesting my pain body is activated.Due to years of repressed emotions.released in sadness and don't resist accept and bring it into the now.regain my power.. Thanks again my healing alone my journey... peace
Perfect topic for me today - 26 years of the meat of my life - have to let go anyway - bad or good all we have is now but if NOW is not cutting it hard to let go of what was - even if it was painful and not good - it was alive. Need to be engaged in the present to let go of past
I love the analogy of the tree and the temple as to the struggles we have gone through in our lives. The temple destroyed a portion of the jungle, pushing it deep into the earth, but now the jungle is growing and reclaiming itself. These trees don't look the same as the rest in the jungle, but they have their own unique beauty. The trees are using the temple as part of its own foundation and support, but it continues to grow.
That temple will always be apart of that trees, no matter what. The important lesson is that the trees learned how to use that structure to grow.
Thank you for this awesome lesson.
Thank you, am really enjoying these videos, am learning alot...
....so great to demystify our minds/personalities! especially like it when you bring in Buddhist references, as a Buddhist myself I've found his teachings enormously helpful, though not always easy to live by! Ps the reclining Buddha statues you mentioned can also depict his death 'parinirvana'. Pps when you mentioned the sad empty corners it made me think of Wabi sabi, Japanese art form.
Interesting as always
Valerie DC
SPARTANLIFECOACH, you said some rather interesting things in your video. Of course, generally letting go of the past also means forgetting all those happy, wonderful memories too, which we really need to focus more and more on.
I've always wondered why it is that we almost always place emphasis on the painful memories, the toxic elements of our past, when remembering happy times seems to take a back seat? (On a personal note, you may wish to consider arming yourself with some insect repellent, it makes life SO much easier in such circumstances.)
when you mention wiping suffering away, I get ett therapy, it removes all the trauma, its painful but it makes what would have taken 20 years take months. I have cptsd and I never thought id detach from my family but I have. you give great strategies for moving forward which are of value as well, even by removing the traumas you still have work to do, its just not really hard. your brain is amazing at creating homeostasis after it has lost the trauma. I recommend everyone here get it
This is so so so nice Richard. My thoughts about the temples and the trees are: could it be that the temples are our authentic selves, and the trees our needs that are not being met? Or is that exactly what you're explaining here? Thanks for this very useful, warm way of looking at ourselves, I love every minute of this video!
You are brilliant,thanks
You seem to travel pretty often. Would you say that you live somewhat of a minimalist lifestyle? Although I don't travel much, I've adopted this lifestyle and it has improved my life tremendously. I only mention it bc I've found that I have become more content with myself by not acquiring so many possessions. It really has altered my state of self and consciousness, learning to be happy with what I have instead of always looking for more crap to make myself feel better. Not trying to force this onto anyone. Just curious as to how you view possessions and the ego/ self, and how they are so intertwined.
TheCandyoung Very minimalist. Right now Im moving countries again. I have one sports bag, a hand luggage bag and a laptop. Done. I highly recommend it ;)
Thats awesome! I didn't think you'd actually respond lol. I think I've watched all your videos a few times. They have really helped me deal with my own family. I have a narcissist father, empath mother, and a narcissist stepfather (notice the pattern..). I just wanted to say thank you. Also, I was wondering where the self hypnosis audio is? I'd like to give it a shot. Thanks!!
Thats an interesting perspective.. You are right about the glorification of travelling. I always wished i had traveled more, but I see the running away aspect of it too. I don't think i could stay away for too long. I have a large family and friends i would miss.. I'll stick with vacations :)
Oh dear, you know i made the same choice ( although even before i've never been that much attached to material things and possessions,but as a conscious choice is even more helpful).I feel so relieved, i think it's also a kind of reaction, because my family is very much attached to stuff and money and possession and i always dreamt just to run away from that and live on a far island.Simple things are the best.
..thats a funny image!
Richard, are you familiar with “Timeline therapy” by Tad James? I have a sample if you’d like to hear..... profound for me. I’m looking for more along those lines
There is a lot of biblical theology on suffering, yes to keep you humble, to teach you about your strength through adversity, to find faith through pain, to learn compassion to others, to live more in the spirit. And to overcome the world.
The trees are smashing the temple - so poetic. What comes to mind is that maybe the trees come back to temple when people abandon if. As if you stop paying attention or being present and the element of anxious symptom is back in the game. For sure it's not that simple :) but being present helps. It helps me a lot.
One of your best
Poetic- I love it.
I love this very much. I like the understanding/acceptance of responsibility with pain. Not as a story, but the view one can take of what an experience has contributed to their life. To not adapt it personally to a narrative, but to own all "disfigurements" as any other part of observable reality.
James Hillman is my favorite author of psychology, he speaks on this topic as well. He gives the analogy of a small growth nodule on a tree with all the growing power within, not knowing it has the capabilities of becoming a huge branch one day. That is the same pain and confusion you (Richard) talk about, of all life's inherent evolution as it grows. "You wouldn't know white unless you knew black." -Alan Watts
Richard Grannon - it's fascinating what you re saying. I want to tell you something that happened to me after watching one of your videos (different subject) but it correlates to this. You speak of 'removing malware" sometimes, so i finished the video (you mention your core values being removed from you unwillingly) I had an outpouring of tears that felt healing, and then a vision, or imagination journey ...of Literally This: roots and vines, being pulled from me, they represented the abuse, the "twisted" torture (like almost Hellraiser imagery) being pulled from me. I went with it. It felt wonderful after. Just wanted to share this with you, and the watchers. it was like the malware was these creepy things put into me by the narcissist over many years and they were dissolving and being extracted. (i am an artist i have very vivid imagery) .
Ditto love your "waffling" Richie. Diamonds
When I was 17 I passed out at the wheel of a vehicle and smashed into a telephone pole.
I walked away from it without a scratch. Minus the legal issues that later got resolved, I walked out of that without a single scratch.
One problem remains, that later in life I would reflect on it and imagine a different outcome. The potential of those outcomes horrifies me. Sometimes wakes me up in the middle of the night. Sometimes it devoids me of the ability to live happily in the present.
Sometimes it makes me incredibly grateful. Yet regardless, that which makes me feel sometimes lingers all the time.
It's hard to let go of that. I can't dismiss it as causal of a troubled childhood. I can't levity it as some sort of random anomaly. No, what I did was the direct result of my own actions.
Isn't it ironic that the things we wish to let go of are exactly the things we want to let go of?
From a dark pass it took me a long time to work it out always angry with the world drugs did not help but highlight the problems. But now I am at peace with my pass I wouldn't change my past because I wouldn't be the person I am today.
People generally forget the negatives in the past because the present is hard enough without having to carry around the negative memories
You look particularly handsome on this vid Rich
Seeing that helps us to let go, thats why its so sadly beautiful... I
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
The reality of life is that life is a test. The biggest enemy to a person is oneself. it's about conquering oneself, to overpower internal and external desire. Happiness is tough road, it's rent is pain but the pain cannot interfere with inner tranquility. The focus of the mind and the body is an area you try to cover, not to ignore these as is important. However, indeed it is the soul that brings tranquility that does not abide by wealth, power or affirmation of any kind. Man is overwhelmed with doubt and ambiguity for search of peace. However, peace has source and it's source is in understanding the true purpose of life. Life is not but one, but death is the new door to an eternal life. The creation and love so strong is not a creation of chance but in agreement with a test from the creator. See people with power, fame, wealth yet they can never access the fountain of happiness. I would strongly advise you to read the Quran. Allah say in the remembrance of God do hearts find peace.
I had to learn how to see my childhood abuse from a different angle or "re-frame" my thoughts around those horrific events. The worst part was the PTSD because I had terrible night terrors off & on for decades. Being attacked in your sleep is not fun one bit. But as I worked on the conscious thoughts, it all eventually got better.
I love such places like you describe.
I come from a post-communist country. I was born right when it fell. All my childhood I was terrified of a place on the edge of town. I had nightmares about it. Former housing area for Russian soldiers who used to be here. It was crude, ugly and falling apart. Ruins, nothing more. You can still find places like that further east. But as I grew, that area slowly transformed. In place of many of the old buildings grew new and nice appartment houses. But what got to me the most were parts where nature took over, slowly scattering and swallowing the buildings, tearing down the walls and living plants finding their place there. Later people planted trees. Now it's a small forest. The pond that I remember as a smelly dump when I was young is now a beautiful park-like area. Sometimes all you can see from what used to be a building is a square of plain grass where nothing else grows yet.
I used to go there a lot when I was in a bad place, trying to get past my abusive childhood. I saw it as a parallel of myself and that gave me hope seeing the place heal. Realizing how the scars of the past were visible less and less with every passing year, how gently the natural currents took care of what was theirs, how the people started caring and actually worked with them for a change... It was magical. It helped me a lot.
What helps the temples is that someone actively works against the jungle - the temple is important and so they hold on to it. But the ruins of my childhood weren't really serving any purpose in their state except to stick out like a sore thumb.
Brilliamt.
I guess partially thanks to my cptsd im talented at drawing and matrial arts. Because of my cptsd i tend to dissosiate alot sometimes, i have done this since i was a child. But thanks to that i have really good imagination and i have drawn since i was a child and i love drawing. I guess thats a way of dissosiation to me, but it makes me talented in arts. Also im fight type and i have trained matrial arts since i was nine years old. I guess i love it so much and im so motivated partially because its my way to expres my anger. Also thanks to my cptsd im very fearles and i have good pain tolerance wich helps me alot being good in matrial arts.
How do I become a client? I am in Los Angeles.
I am s o grateful for you mentioning civilization.
I have learned recently from listening to Abraham-hicks that the more I focus on unwanted things from the past the more I get unwanted things from the past that there’s no bottom to it so the trick is when I have a flashback unwanted memory is to work it in to a different place and leave it there different vibration.
I think you have to love your pain to a point because it's part of you, you have to find a lesson or an energy from it to move to the positive place, passion is an energy, use it for good.
the difference between reducing and managing internal pain levels with awareness, moving through pain, healing pain vs the desire to completely eradicate pain and eradicate the past and eradicate all emotions = severe brain damage, being in a drunken coma (temporary chemical lobotomy), a bunch of not-good stuff.
Think of the pain as experienced by a frightened hurt *innocent inner child* -- a part of ourself -- and then love and embrace THAT, by facing the pain and sadness *with* the hurt child. Love the child. Embracing the wound and bravely sharing the pain is a slightly different concept from embracing and loving the pain itself (gray area, hard to define precisely).
What if the only reason you can't let go of your past is because you have severe physical symptoms from it, that effect your daily life and your ability to take care of yourself? I don't trigger or have any problems with the mental aspects of the past, even though I've been abused all my life; it's the physical pain that is what's holding me back. I can't run anymore which used to be my go to coping mechanic. I can't sit still most of the time either. I go through those nasty temper tantrums like you described in another video because of this. I would like to be able to go running again w/out thinking about my past because of the pain. Do you think there is a way to do this?
I know the why and wherefores of my past well big part of it..but why does it still trigger rage sorrow pain illness and the dreaded abandonment/indifference of my "tribe" ...I pulled on one root 15yrs. ago and landed in no-where zone and stuck in the past...wtf...jeez
Once we learn the lesson from the problem, it is the past (in the particular issue) that has to let go of us.
Sounds like fun and dehydration too. I have been read/reading "The Power of Soul", by Dr. Zhi Gang Sha.
Your mythological [Jungarian] approach to explanations intrigues my bent towards symbology. How was the race?
Love this "I don't know" - smiles - best wishes!!!
really like the analogy and the advice/perspective. thanks, lifecoach! okay, now back to the hobbit obsession 8) (what does that mean, I wonder?)
Richard, being alive can not only be rooted in suffering, don't ya think? It's rooted in love, empathy, anger, all emotions! Love and suffering first. What say you, sir?
I also have not let go of my past, but I just thought of an "Out of the box" way of looking at it. - How do I let go of the past? The "letting go" isn't something you "do". It is something that happens, it is an "effect", a discharge of negativity from the blocked energy, a "release of blocked energy" a "product".
We have to have a "cause" which "produces" the "effect", the "effect" being a "product".
If we don't know the answer to this question, how we could produce this effect, we could widen the question by saying, What "do we know", that would produce this "effect"?
We know, for instance, that an apology from the person(S) concerned, who carried out an act(S) that has caused us to have a negative view of the past, came and gave us a sincere, heart felt apology, then the pain would be released automatically, as a by product, or an effect of the apology, which would be a "cause" that would bring about this release ("effect").
Of course, we know that whoever caused you pain in your past, is highly unlikely to apologise, as their own self worth has been damaged so much, that they are not strong enough to have the honesty to admit fault.
Also, we know that we alone are responsible for our experiences, and in the absence of an apology from the perpetrator from our past, we have to bring about the "cause" ourselves.
This then changes the question again, to 'What can I do to bring about the "cause", which will have the "effect" of discharging the negative energy from my perception of my past experiences, and releasing the pain from my past?'
It's the quality of the question which determines wisdom. The idea of this post is to think outside the box, and to direct the flow of questioning towards the answer. Every answer brings a new question so, maybe, it's not the "answer" we are searching for, to the question of "How do I let go of the past". Maybe, we are searching for the right questions regarding letting go of the past, and the questions can be changed by elevating ourselves to a higher standpoint, each time we ask, so that we can see a bigger picture, to ask a more accurate question in relation to letting go of our past.
Once, in bed, I had a toothache, which was keeping me awake, and this was before I ever even knew what meditation was. For some reason, I decided to focus my awareness on it, and it dissolved. I relaxed into it. Maybe my awareness was focused gently, in a relaxed way, but strongly, enough to relax, as it was the tension that was making the feeling feel bad enough to call it 'pain', and this release of tension brought about the release discharge of energy, which was the "cause" that produced the "effect" of "releasing the pain" and, hence, let go of it, and if we apply thish metaphor to releasing the pain of our past, we can then, direct our questionings, to get us to a satisfactory enough state, that our pain from the past is relased, we have "Let go of our past".
James T. Kirk: Damn it Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. [to Sybok] I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!
Can you sit with pain if you have a problem ruminating?
Timing yourself re stopping the "waffling" - said to myself "it won't work" (I'm a waffler too, and it doesn't with me! :P). Quite like your waffling anyway. Thanks for the vids.
I have surrounded myself with people I perceive as a little (to a lot) more intelligent than me, feeling that it kept me on my intellectual toes. But taking pride in being clever(er) than most. But you are right. Being clever has NOT resolved my pain issues. It just helps me avoid them longer :-( I am selfish enough (and enough of a coward) than if I could "forget" the bad stuff I might. But I do not think that that is this life's lesson. I DO NOT KNOW.
I think sometimes it takes even longer to let something go if you fight it harder. If you accept that you still suffer from something because you have not figured it out yet, it will be processed easier. Just keep on learning about yourself and trust the process, at least that is what I am trying to do. Be kind to yourself and understanding. The more you fight it, the more you abuse yourself. Fighting your pain from your past is self-abuse or masochistic. Or both.
I think the problem is that our mind tends to drift towards the negative things we did in the past and pursue the blame game on ourselves rather than taking responsibility (read: response able) in the here and now, as Louis L Hay so wonderfully taught me.
At least I do, having emotional flashbacks on when I had a muscle spasm from stressing myself out too much (now being in a similar situation that ''caused'' the stress), even though I now know that I am not broken but that it was just too much at the time. Simply scared to go there again on an unconscious (and maybe even conscious level, since I'm writing about it here). I will try a few methods to ''overcome'' this ''problem'' and see what works best, and stick with that.
A perspective that coincides with the above, and that I wanted to share is:
''You don't need to be proud or ashamed of your life. It just is. Nor do you need to be in control. If you are in pride, shame, or control, you are not the master of your life; pride, shame, or control is master. You can't be right, make others wrong, be proud and controlling and consider your condition important, and be enlightened. The answer to ''why?'' things turned out never provide mastery of how things are turning out now.''
(Excerpt from Winning Through Enlightenment (Mastery of Life), written by Ron Smotherman*)
*They say Ron Smotherman his ideas are similar to that of Alan Watts, and that if you like Alan Watts his ideas you'll probably like Ron his ideas as well.
I'm 54...the last time I was truly content and happy was at age nine or ten. The only thing I want, think about is to go back there and then.
So sorry to hear. I hope you find some healing and peace from somewhere. The only thing that's worked for me is *long* term psychodynamic therapy (coming up to 2 years now). Starting to lift the depression so I can see the pain more clearly - and live around it better.
Your visit to the temple was a reminder that everything is impermanent and returns to source in the end. So don't sweat the small stuff. Embrace the important stuff, like valueing goodness in others, and your own goodness or God-head.
An interesting angle on the reclining Buddha. The more northern interpretation seems to be that he reclines because all is OK just as it is. Which, in a roundabout way, is almost exactly what you're saying. The pain is OK in that perspective because it means you're alive but you don't have to always interpret it as "suffering". I love hearing new angles. They make Dharma pretty much limitless
Acceptance
We have to figure out why that certain "past" is still holding on to us. Take away it's legality and it has to let go.
It helps so much to hear someone else talk about it. Thanks for swearing too. It fucking helps me:)
Nicotine calms one down by temporarily alleviating the nervous craving
for nicotine - some mental health pros noticed that smoking is one of the most effective drug therapies for schizophrenia, it acts like a mental stimulus filter, *but it kills the patients* .
The acts of smoking then become associated with the calming effects of alleviating the nervous craving for nicotine and stimulus filtering.
Great to hear that less clever = intelligence of the heart (intuition) is more valuable than the intellect that runs the show in this society. I cannot stand the cleverness any more as I believe that LIFE as a process is simple as well as unexplainable! Thanks a lot.
the answer is 'Awareness' by Anthony de Mello.
brilliat!
I agree moving on from the past is very difficult and nor would it be desirable to. However the relationship with the past is important.
Honour compels one to take responsibility for the past but compassion allows one to be kind and absolve oneself of guilt. One must take responsibility for one's actions, nothing will change that but one was under great pain and suffering and was unaware. Therefore one did not have complete agency over one's actions.
Responsibility, not guilt.
Guilt is a temporary emotion like happiness, sadness or anger. It is not a permanent state of being. In most ordinary people, there is at first guilt. They feel it, then it passes and it makes them do something about it. In victims of narcissistic abuse, guilt is a permanent state of being.
They are permanently stuck in guilt mode because of the abuse they went through. It has been drilled into them. Abusers made them feel guilty about everything, both real and imagined. Crucially, abusers trapped them there. There was no way out, redemption was made impossible (not that any of it was their fault in the first place).
Imho, permanent guilt is a symptom of narcissistic abuse like complex PTSD or people pleaser syndrome. It is NOT normal and it is NOT healthy.
"The TAO of Fully Feeling", by Pete Walker
Because it shows the impermanent nature of all reality.
What is the hypnosis that can erase the painful feelings associated with an ex? I need this!
I've always said that I wish "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" was a real thing we could do.
*_STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS FTW!_*
fairly certain that after finding dr bradley nelson & his work in the Emotion Code he's put together to release stuck / trapped emotions are key to letting go of ones past....those old unprocessed emotions can go back dr bradley says the oldest stuck emotion he helped one to release went back 87 generations....emotions are evidently Inherited ....check out his work...emotions = energy....if one has locked /stuck emotions of negative energy = Dis-ease of every type imho