Midweek with Dr. C- Narcissists Create Perpetual Confusion

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  • čas přidán 29. 05. 2024
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Komentáře • 262

  • @JohnOakes-mw5ls
    @JohnOakes-mw5ls Před 21 dnem +180

    It’s not just the narcissist who hurts you.
    It’s the people who take their side.
    It’s the people who look the other way.
    It’s the people who tell you to move on, or get over it.
    It’s therapists untrained in personality disorders.
    It’s the lack of healing help.
    It’s the victim blaming.
    It’s everyone who doesn’t understand narcissistic abuse.

    • @pitasag123
      @pitasag123 Před 21 dnem +10

      Hi Dr. C & Family... for some reason I can't write a cmmt except for a reply to exactly what John speaks of. On point John! ✌️💜🌟 2:14

    • @user-pu8zz5sc9i
      @user-pu8zz5sc9i Před 21 dnem +9

      John, you are so right.

    • @stevegibbs7811
      @stevegibbs7811 Před 21 dnem +6

      How right you are sir !

    • @michellehill718
      @michellehill718 Před 21 dnem +7

      Well said!

    • @anothergirlinasweater
      @anothergirlinasweater Před 21 dnem +12

      "Nobody put a gun to your head", a social worker told me after crying and telling her I was forced to take drugs like he did (he was a functional drug addict) to keep the relationship going on. And I responded her simply by saying "coercive control." This social worker denied me therapy to build my self esteem in the only place in my town to treat women, even though I told her I needed exactly that and I can't afford therapy privately anymore. I got C-PTSD diagnosed by a private therapist and an inmune disease, both appeared after the last discard.

  • @koma4050
    @koma4050 Před 15 dny +9

    “People don’t abandon the people they love, they abandon the people they’re using.”
    -Anonymous therapist

  • @DianneCahill-jb7qi
    @DianneCahill-jb7qi Před 21 dnem +68

    Because of your wisdom and instruction, I have been learning to recognize the crocodile tears and the fake niceness that just sets me up for the next explosion of venom and disdain. Thank you.

  • @Xaxtarr_Neonraven
    @Xaxtarr_Neonraven Před 20 dny +15

    They say, Sure I can help you, but only when I feel like it, only when my conditions are met, and only if I get to control everything. And if you complain that you have been asking for their help for days, they will tell you what a bad person you are. It becomes conditional help: I will help you, but I always come first and you are either second or don't matter: I will help you "but."
    Also they will always hold their help against you like a trump card to win every argument. Friends don't treat friends that way. Narcissists only pretend to be friends; they are incapable of true self-less friendship.

    • @theresesilvawalker8407
      @theresesilvawalker8407 Před 19 dny +1

      You want help? What's in it for them? Why should they unless you .... because you always snc you never and you think and you expect

  • @laurielaurie8280
    @laurielaurie8280 Před 21 dnem +38

    Narcissists will also talk over you and never let you get a word in edgewise. They don't care what you have to say. To them your opinion is not of value UNLESS you are praising them or playing into their story someway.

    • @Anonymous-gn3ly
      @Anonymous-gn3ly Před 21 dnem

      Yes! They love to ask questions but cut you off many times before you can answer. Each time, they flip what you said on its head so as to blame you for some weird delusion they are making up as you talk.
      Then when you go no-contact, they double down on their efforts to, in their words, “get” you, while at the same time they call you a conspiracy theorist. Then they tell all and sundry how dysfunctional you are. New people will show up at your doorstep pretending to befriend you-and their maelstrom of the bizarre deepens.
      Call it “tri-strangulation.” Call it evil.

    • @theresesilvawalker8407
      @theresesilvawalker8407 Před 19 dny +2

      What I have discovered is that ny responses and participation are superfluous. I can safely not respond more than a word because they make up the narrative anyway - like autocorrect THEY ALWAYS either get the wrong word or fail to change tge most ovious errors

    • @jsf8145
      @jsf8145 Před 15 dny +1

      You will know them by their fruits (arrogance):
      James 1:19
      1 Corinthians 13:3-7
      2 Timothy 3 🤏
      John 16:33 💯

  • @east631947
    @east631947 Před 21 dnem +41

    3 years ago I started watching you. You saved my emotional well being.❤️❣️

  • @BaraSchmidt
    @BaraSchmidt Před 21 dnem +31

    Keeping us off-balance and doubting ourselves/reality (gaslighting, anyone?) is how they get "paid!" There's a quote from the movie: "Guide for the married man" - "Deny, deny, deny!" A narc will certainly use that, but add in their driving agenda - "Supply, supply, supply!" Stay Healthy!!

    • @jsf8145
      @jsf8145 Před 15 dny

      Literally the leadership of every communist country:
      Matthew 19:24 🤏
      1 Corinthians 13:3-7
      2 Timothy 3 💯
      John 16:33

  • @jeankipper6954
    @jeankipper6954 Před 21 dnem +52

    It's a game and a strategy. Intentionally, deliberately, very often sneaky and subtly, induce confusion. They seem to be having fun, to watch the results. Slightly change the subject during the discussion. Or completely change topic during the discussion, especially when they seem like they are losing. Or misquote one person to another. Or "answer" a question, but it's actually an answer to a different question or point, that they want to say. Induce confusion just for their entertainment. This is crazy-making. So frustrating.

  • @stephanieburgess8217
    @stephanieburgess8217 Před 21 dnem +14

    It’s like walking on eggshells and no matter how much you prepare the eggs so they don’t get crushed they’ll come up with a new “problem” out of nowhere and blows you away by the issue.

  • @heatherwhittaker6169
    @heatherwhittaker6169 Před 21 dnem +21

    I am hoping that your throat feels better very soon Dr.C...you have become a valued member of our lives...Bless you ❤

  • @yukio_saito
    @yukio_saito Před 20 dny +15

    17:55 "You can't fix stupid." -- I love this profound quote. 😆😁😅

  • @ChildoftheLIGHT
    @ChildoftheLIGHT Před 21 dnem +21

    “Desolate wasteland and battlefield”….that’s what a selfish person creates.🎯

  • @patg.7192
    @patg.7192 Před 21 dnem +29

    Of course, Gus is the Wonder Dog! ❤

  • @rikki.stardustt
    @rikki.stardustt Před 20 dny +7

    🧿They love creating confusion/chaos/drama and twisting your words to turn people against you.🙂🧿🧿

  • @JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht
    @JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht Před 21 dnem +23

    They love to use word salad to try and throw you off and when you play reverse psychology with them it hits them ugghhh ohh this dude is not one to play with.

  • @jcm5171
    @jcm5171 Před 19 dny +4

    This description is absolutely perfect : it is exactly what I observe on a daily basis.
    My mom is capable of justifying to herself and others any behavior -- outright lies that are very dangerous and destructive or twisting the truth for example -- anything she feels will bring her shame or anxiety and it's all related to her image : she has created a persona for herself when she was very young and has stuck to it come hell or high water.
    I have seen her losing her mind with narcissistic rage when I tried to challenge her beliefs or bring forth the hurt she causes me.
    She would rather have me dead than accept the truth, and I am her best supply, so...
    The difficulty lies in that she has good periods and is capable of exhibiting exceptionally good behavior.
    Everything is so enmeshed that it defies any logic and creates huge confusion, especially since she trains you into questioning yourself constantly, feeling guilty and responsible for everything.
    Narcissists have this "gift" of making you incapable of hating them or abandoning them, through constant, very profound and subtle manipulations of your good heart and creating powerful co-dependance.
    It is terrifying.

  • @triciadreas9835
    @triciadreas9835 Před 21 dnem +23

    I need a Gus

    • @DJH97
      @DJH97 Před 21 dnem +3

      Anyone that has endured these relationships needs a Gus. My GSDs Grace and Gwen were my best friends during the last years of my nightmare of a marriage.

    • @Snezanah
      @Snezanah Před 21 dnem +5

      Yes and you need to be a Gus😅.

    • @jsf8145
      @jsf8145 Před 15 dny +2

      This is Gus (Jesus):
      1 Corinthians 13:3-7
      Everyone needs Jesus (Grace & mercy - Ephesians 2:8-10).

    • @triciadreas9835
      @triciadreas9835 Před 15 dny

      I have Jehovah God in my life 🙏 thanks for sharing the scripture

  • @SuperLastThing
    @SuperLastThing Před 20 dny +6

    @43:11 YESSSSSS. They minimize whatever struggle you are sharing by talking about how their struggle is greater. It's like a competition to them. It's still shocking how well you describe my narcissist and what I thought were their unique quirks.😮

    • @SlobArt
      @SlobArt Před 17 hodinami

      My narc older sister admitted she does utilize the “wear you down tactic”. Charming….

  • @TattedChristian
    @TattedChristian Před 21 dnem +17

    You r so amazing, so comforting, so knowledgeable, and sooooo KIND 🙏🕊💗! Thank u and bless u Dr. C 💗💗🤗💗🕊🙏

  • @maisiepierce2350
    @maisiepierce2350 Před 21 dnem +18

    Thankyou Doctor C for being there

  • @wildhorses6817
    @wildhorses6817 Před 21 dnem +18

    Thank you Dr Carter, this is so helpful.
    I am glad you are seeking additional mecical care for your hoarse voice symptom. We want you healthy and strong. I am praying for an easy resolution. Yes, Gus has good energy.
    Enjoy your Day.

  • @sharonsalyer4912
    @sharonsalyer4912 Před 20 dny +6

    Impossible at times? Impossible almost always 😳 😁 to have a reasonable conversation.

  • @ute3349
    @ute3349 Před 21 dnem +11

    In this toxic relationship, I often felt like I was with a flaw, like I was some kind of defect explar. What I couldn't see clearly was that I was living in a war zone and was constantly being ambushed. Most of the time I shot back. I'm still learning
    Thank you Dr. Carter ♥ 🤗

  • @venuspsychicmasseuse
    @venuspsychicmasseuse Před 20 dny +5

    They lord it over you when you get their help. When you feel like you'd do so much and you do for them happily help them. Then they see you as weak for helping them or they will even over look or cover up how much you do help

  • @simplysindisiwe
    @simplysindisiwe Před 14 dny +3

    33:23 The hitting someone in the head part, thats how a narcissist can make you feel with their word salad and acrobatic behaviours. They make you feel like you were run over by a car on your head.

  • @barbarahanks-ut6zn
    @barbarahanks-ut6zn Před 19 dny +2

    You kinda want the narcissist to realize that what you're doing, is what they do. "See? It doesn't feel so good, does it!" Never works.

  • @carietanner1022
    @carietanner1022 Před 21 dnem +7

    I'm fairly new to Team Healthy and I have to tell you how much I enjoy watching/listening to your videos. For years I have been working to understand some family dynamics and your explanations and advice have really helped me understand so much of what has been happening in my family for probably most of my life. I'm especially greatful to be learning from you how to work/deal/engage with narcissists. It has helped me immensely when needing to communicate with some family members. I have been feeling more and more empowered to be me without being mean or nasty, which is such a food feeling! Thank you so much! Take care of your throat and I hope your doctor can give you some answers tomorrow!

  • @andrewtexley448
    @andrewtexley448 Před 21 dnem +7

    I’m really feeling heavy right now. I’ve decided to break up with my girlfriend. I don’t want to assume she’s a narcissist and I really do not know if I’m the problem. I’ve been trying to put my best foot forward and be positive but this week my muscles are tense and sore and my hands shake from the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been through with her this week. I just feel like I receive the consequences of other aspects of her life that cause her stress or anger, and I try to listen, but she tells me I don’t hear her and I’m selfish. She blew up at me for going out with my friends Sunday afternoon and accused me of having a crush on my friends wife. The next day she told me how grateful she was for me and that I’m a good man, and last night she’s back at telling me I don’t care about her and I’m self centered. I’m mentally exhausted and feel physically week. I’m trying to set up a time to break up in person out of respect, but also just wanna text and get it over with. I don’t hate her, and I’m not mad, I just don’t want that in my life anymore

    • @b8akaratn
      @b8akaratn Před 21 dnem +4

      I feel for u. If you've never knowingly done anything to set off her suspicions, then it sounds like you deserve better & are on a good path for yourself. Maybe a written letter? It's more than a text, she'll have to sit with it & think about what you're feeling, it might be therapeutic for u as u compose it... In the end she'll either try talking or tear up the paper. And it's your prerogative to include a boundary of, "No response needed or wanted," if that's where you're at. Good luck 💙

    • @jeankipper6954
      @jeankipper6954 Před 21 dnem +1

      Let go. Yes it will hard for a bit. It will be MUCH WORSE for the whole time you are with her.
      The next steps will be working out why we (note I said WE) attract to that kind of person. The only thing I've found harder, is to NOT do that very real work.
      It will be ok. Hang in there for your well-being.

  • @SlobArt
    @SlobArt Před 16 hodinami

    My narc sister literally said “I didn’t get enough of you, I feel gypped”. This was when I started drawing lines in the sand. 😊

  • @simplysindisiwe
    @simplysindisiwe Před 14 dny +2

    How did you know they'd react to our assertiveness as "you are selfish"? 😅
    Of course you'd know😂 Dr Carter
    Narcissists are draining.

  • @koma4050
    @koma4050 Před 20 dny +2

    I just thought of a new word for narcissists, emptythetic as opposed to empathetic. They're empty inside so they must act out by assuming they're more important, intelligent and powerful than others. They disguise their weakness by acting kind or caring when in reality they don't care about anything but being in control.

  • @noellesimpson4142
    @noellesimpson4142 Před 20 dny +5

    Best of luck with the doctor appointment Dr. Carter.

  • @snowbear1877
    @snowbear1877 Před 21 dnem +4

    Dear Gus! We all love Gus. My Lucky is having a procedure today. I love him so much.
    One of my slightly toxic friends who has come to stay with me for 40 years has told Lucky twice to 'shut up' when he barks. It cuts through me like a knife, because my mother used to tell me to shut up.
    She has taken many liberties with me and I have allowed her. Only now, towards the end of my life do I realise what an impact my toxic upbringing has had on me. I've put up with all sorts of maltreatment from people.

    • @shirleyhunt8769
      @shirleyhunt8769 Před 20 dny +2

      God bless hope you can tell her not to tell your dog to shut up or hit the highway😅❤❤❤❤❤

    • @snowbear1877
      @snowbear1877 Před 20 dny +1

      @@shirleyhunt8769 I don't think she'll be coming back. After 40 years I started dropping a few hints about guests and fish smelling after 3 days.
      She lashes out at me in anger when I am trying to do my best as a host. It's just one small example of how my family of origin's scapegoating of me has led me to tolerate poor behaviour from others. And this woman is only a mild case of maltreatment.

  • @aaronkwolfe
    @aaronkwolfe Před 21 dnem +17

    Chat was extremely satisfying today. And there I sat in jeans and t-shirt. I didn’t get all Gussied up.

  • @awakening80
    @awakening80 Před 21 dnem +5

    Thank you. It's been a long slow process of removing myself from narcissistic relationships. You have been most helpful.

  • @user-uy8hc8bx7h
    @user-uy8hc8bx7h Před 21 dnem +5

    Dr Carter,
    Thank you so much for your podcasts. I’m just now learning about Covert narcissism and it explains 43 years of a very dysfunctional marriage. It’s so helpful to finally be able to understand so many things that were going on, the narcissistic rage, silent treatment that sometimes lasted days, dishonesty and making up stories, lack of intimacy, truly I could go on for hours and just glad I’m no longer in this marriage, have been divorced now for about a year. I felt more single when I was married and that is the sad truth. 💛

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Před 21 dnem +4

      Keep learning!

    • @user-uy8hc8bx7h
      @user-uy8hc8bx7h Před 20 dny +2

      I also could really relate when you talked about how when someone has a medical problem and the narcissist suddenly has that problem. This used to happen to me all the time and finally I just kept quiet if I had a problem because I didn’t want to hear him mimic my symptoms, it was so weird!

    • @patriciakauffman8941
      @patriciakauffman8941 Před 15 dny

      You described my life and marriage. 40 years in, 10 out, still trying to rebuild my self esteem. No contact helps a lot. Mostly happy now. May you thrive.

  • @theresesilvawalker8407
    @theresesilvawalker8407 Před 19 dny +2

    What i like about Dr. Carter is that he points out the dangerous possibilities of slipping into nasty ways like the narcissist's Habitual patterns and says not to.

  • @andreacook6000
    @andreacook6000 Před 19 dny +3

    I think I’m just going to say it like that from now on, I have been dealing with someone who’s elevator doesn’t go to the top! You definitely don’t want to be dealing with people who’s elevators don’t go to the top! I love it🤣😂🤣we have to laugh because it’s so good to laugh when you have been through trauma like this!

  • @winter-qd4yw
    @winter-qd4yw Před 21 dnem +7

    I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow with your appointment and that you get some answers! Thank you for all you do!

  • @user-qv9nw1dq2f
    @user-qv9nw1dq2f Před 20 dny +4

    Thank you for your invaluable help and support dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤😊

  • @laurielaurie8280
    @laurielaurie8280 Před 21 dnem +7

    Thankyou Dr. C for another very informative chat. You really know your stuff💯💢😊

  • @ChildoftheLIGHT
    @ChildoftheLIGHT Před 21 dnem +6

    Completely agree with you about sports that hurt others physically as well as relational “sport” that harms the soul.

  • @KaleCasanova
    @KaleCasanova Před 21 dnem +12

    💕💕💕gus

  • @tanteglitter2196
    @tanteglitter2196 Před 20 dny +4

    You are my favourite wise uncle in the whole wide world❤

  • @bereal6590
    @bereal6590 Před 20 dny +3

    Yes Dr C, I can relate to the example of the man in the hospital. The taking over of my emotions, situations and pain has been frequent and I can track it all the way back to childhood. It's like that now and what finally woke me up. I'm really struggling and they've been a hinderence with their dysregulation, demands, criticisms, contempt, disdain, should and ought, name calling and personal attacks. Then they turn it round as them trying to get close! I don't consider laughter when im saying some thing emotive as 'close'. It's as if they think you're sick deliberately! They complain about those around them, but love to be the rescuer/hero(this is their strength, to be the 'fixer'). I'd love to move away, I cannot. Love to you and your family and I hope your throat gets better soon, it's gone on a long time. Hugs to gus ✌

  • @vickiegroome3220
    @vickiegroome3220 Před 21 dnem +5

    The thermostat has a direct corrollation to the MEN-o-pause😂

  • @houstonmom5048
    @houstonmom5048 Před 13 dny +2

    We need some Gus
    merchandise!!!!
    We all need to get in touch with our inner Gus!!! ❤❤❤

  • @rossanderson5243
    @rossanderson5243 Před 20 dny +3

    Their projections run deep. I remember sitting cross legged like all my class right in front of our teacher who asked a question for us . No one put up their hand for the answer except me. I waved my arm and looked around to see if anyone could see me waving. The teacher just wouldn't look at me and said no one's got the answer and gave it. I had the answer. Painful still.

    • @An-mei
      @An-mei Před 20 dny

      🫂

    • @rossanderson5243
      @rossanderson5243 Před 19 dny

      @@An-mei what is the emoji please?

    • @An-mei
      @An-mei Před 19 dny

      @@rossanderson5243 A Hug, I'm sorry that happened to you.

    • @rossanderson5243
      @rossanderson5243 Před 19 dny +1

      @@An-mei Thank you. I appreciate you caring as well.

  • @An-mei
    @An-mei Před 21 dnem +5

    Does the bulk of narcissistic behavior a result of shame?..instead of learning healthy coping skills and communication!
    This can't be overstated!
    I am just amazed at the lack of thorough follow through on communication! Then it brings on blame but they didn't follow through in the first place. If your own ask you for help and you don't follow through HOW can you blame or be upset when they go to someone else? Sadly, that communication issue gets carried on. I don't know what to do to get to effective communication.

  • @ricalina4371
    @ricalina4371 Před 20 dny +2

    Thank you Dr. C. about your words about „healthy“ narcissism. Those attempts to trivialize and normalize narcissism, that is by definition harmful and destructive, bother me deeply.

  • @CherrysJubileeJoyfully
    @CherrysJubileeJoyfully Před 21 dnem +6

    All praise, Gus

  • @evanphillips6834
    @evanphillips6834 Před 19 dny +2

    Dr. C my covert malignant FIL raged on me in the past with my wife and 1 year old daughter right next to me. During this entire altercation I hardly had a chance to say anything on my behalf, so I kept my mouth shut. The whole time my wife was in disbelief sitting there crying. Not once did she stand up for me or say anything to defend me. I kept my mouth shut out of respect for her and her fathers relationship, however I felt overly disrespected by my wife because she didn't say anything to defend me in any way or even try and stop what was happening. I'm unable mentally to let it go, I continue to ruminate on it and it's been months. Is it wrong of me to hold onto that?

  • @leandrahackwith3168
    @leandrahackwith3168 Před 12 dny +3

    Your comments on pain management are timely and a new perspective for me 👍👌💪💪💪

  • @MrMfaust5
    @MrMfaust5 Před 21 dnem +6

    Thank you Dr. Carter, and greetings from 6700 mi. away! We were somewhat neighbors over a decade ago; I used to live in Dallas 😊

    • @Hatbox948
      @Hatbox948 Před 21 dnem +3

      Me too!

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Před 21 dnem +3

      I lived near Preston Rd and Forest. Been in Waco a little over 3 years.

    • @MrMfaust5
      @MrMfaust5 Před 21 dnem +1

      @@SurvivingNarcissism My God, what a small world! You were in Plano, I lived near Alcott and Fitzhugh; just south of SMU!

  • @koma4050
    @koma4050 Před 20 dny +2

    Some days it feels as if I’ll never fully recover from the abuse and I expect it to continue once I leave for good. As others have said, not enough people truly understand what narcissistic abuse is or the NPD condition. It’s a very serious issue and should be addressed as often as possible.

  • @anacardinale5769
    @anacardinale5769 Před 11 dny +2

    Thank you! Praying all goes well with your health🙏

  • @user-yg5hq9zv2t
    @user-yg5hq9zv2t Před 17 dny +1

    Had to cut off both of my adult kids because they constantly take the narcissist ex husband's side and tell me they are worried about me.

  • @OldDManThere-ew4xl
    @OldDManThere-ew4xl Před 13 dny +2

    Hi Dr. Carter. Ive drawn so much strength and understanding from your videos. Im going through a challenging divorce with my wife of 21 yrs and Ive found your words so helpful in finding the strength and resolve to move forward despite the hurdles and anti-upping that has characterized our separation.
    I would like to make a request- Id love to hear you talk with Lindsay Gibson, author of “Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People” among other books. Her work is excellent and Id love so much to hear a conversation between the two of you. Please consider reaching out to her.
    thanks

  • @bereal6590
    @bereal6590 Před 19 dny +3

    Question dr c. Why do they feel it's okay to take out their anger and frustration at others on us. Then expect us to be close to them and want to be around and do things with them after all the disdain and contempt and downright nastyness

  • @michellehill718
    @michellehill718 Před 21 dnem +6

    I can show respect even when I don't feel respected. I really love that Dr. C! So true. Thank you for reminding us!

  • @patriciakauffman8941
    @patriciakauffman8941 Před 15 dny +1

    So much confusion I went to a psychiatrist to see if I was out of contact with reality. He assured me I as not but it was long ago and narcissism was not mentioned.

  • @anothergirlinasweater
    @anothergirlinasweater Před 21 dnem +3

    I don't think there is such a thing as "normal".

  • @peggyerickson2549
    @peggyerickson2549 Před 20 dny +1

    Someone mentioned Gabepentin ( sp?). Diff things work for diff ppl. Plus, if narcissists are suggested they ought to take something, they "claim" they're normal, we're not.

  • @rwdchannel2901
    @rwdchannel2901 Před 21 dnem +2

    Once I detect someone is a narcissist I start using the Grey Rock Method. If the person I detect is a narcissist responds to the Grey Rock Method by doubling down on their abuse or notices that I'm not giving narcissistic supply anymore then it's evidence I'm dealing with a narcissist. The next step I take is look for the exit(Limited contact or no contact).

  • @stephanieburgess8217
    @stephanieburgess8217 Před 21 dnem +2

    I often tried to compromise or gave grace and often times the Narcissist refused to meet me halfway. The second they think you messed up, said the wrong thing, put the salt in the wrong place etc (every day was a new thing I could never prepare or forsee) he was done with me and I couldn’t be forgiven and he couldn’t extend grace. He always went back to growing up my Dad was in the military and I had a friend refuse to be my friend because he said I wasn’t worth it because I wouldn’t be there long enough and he’d say so I’ve learned not to trust anyone or rely on anyone or treat them good because they’ll always not be nice or refuse to be my friend or nice to me. He said and did a lot of things out of self preservation. He always told me he broke up with me and moved out to “protect me” from him even though my solution to how badly he treated me was you can acknowledge and see how bad you treat me then just change and do better. Why can’t we stay together and you correct your behavior? I never understood that.

  • @R.E.STAR24
    @R.E.STAR24 Před 14 dny +2

    I absolutely love you Dr. Carter. You and Dr. Ramani have helped me grow and understand narcissism so much and i can't thank you enough for all that you do.❤

  • @shirleyhunt8769
    @shirleyhunt8769 Před 20 dny +2

    They love to control

  • @nobingharami8588
    @nobingharami8588 Před 20 dny +2

    Dr. C, i appreciate your work so much❤ and beside that thankful🙏 as well. After narcissistic abuse, there are lots of bad days and especially when someone like me cannot even efforts a therapists and have no others support(because i belong from a narcissist family)and get into despair that i have nowhere/nobody to turn into, when you and others narcissistic coaches videos and information are the only source of healing and hope in life. Hope, that somedays get better and lead a healthy and happy life.
    Thank you so much!!

  • @user-uy8hc8bx7h
    @user-uy8hc8bx7h Před 20 dny +2

    I commented earlier and you told me to keep learning, thank you! Honestly I just want you to know that this information has been life changing for me. It’s like a lightbulb turned on in my brain and i can’t quit reading and listening. I’ve also been listening to Dr Ramani. Just again, thanks- I’ve been so blessed to have the support of my children, family and friends, all who have worried about my safety because my ex husband was also very addicted to pain medication for years and spent most of his time in the garage or shed doing who knows what-😩

  • @rhondamerritt5193
    @rhondamerritt5193 Před 21 dnem +3

    Totally agree about entertainment I stopped years ago watching movies that had violence. That's not entertainment entertainment. So I don't watch TV either. I read only things that put good in my mind. I know what's going on in the world just don't bathe my mind in the junk. So much happier.

  • @christiner-en4km
    @christiner-en4km Před 20 dny +1

    Oh my gosh. Ive been through all this. It sucks!!! So hard to deal with.😭😭😭

  • @christinaackerman7734
    @christinaackerman7734 Před 14 dny +2

    Hi Dr Carter thank you so much

  • @Bianca-sw5id
    @Bianca-sw5id Před 21 dnem +2

    Why are narcissistists rubbing their supply so bad that it's literally difficult to tell narcissistists from those who are reacting or surviving what they do in a really unhealthy way to their supply ? The ugliest thing a narcissist said to me when I called out his behaviour on me : "get over it". The other worst thing to survive and not be able to get away from their brain injury they inflict on you with their abuse is they tell me I am a child and it's very inaccurate and to convince my brain not to give to it what attention they want me to , it's very difficult. . . I don't give up fighting for my freedom from the abuse , it's been twenty-five years , it's been a long time to tolerate them but obviously I am going to win hands down.

  • @AffectionateSeaOtter
    @AffectionateSeaOtter Před 19 dny +2

    That is a lovely color for a shirt Dr C. 💜

  • @01968
    @01968 Před 20 dny +2

    We ❤ Gus!

  • @coffee100ful
    @coffee100ful Před 21 dnem +2

    you have such a beautiful way of placing me in the moment, thank you

  • @andreacook6000
    @andreacook6000 Před 19 dny +1

    I love you Les!! I love what you say about what makes you feel good. Kindness, service, being with the most special little people in your life. I’m uncomfortable and baffled by how people can watch violence and enjoy it too. I’m grateful that I’m not the only person in the world that thinks all of this is heartbreaking and weird. In New Zealand it is almost a crime around some people to not watch rugby. I said to someone yesterday when they told me about a game on, oh I don’t watch rugby and they said, what! Jokingly I said, yeah I know, I commit a lot of crimes like that in this world.

  • @lisacoleman9398
    @lisacoleman9398 Před 20 dny +4

    Hello Dr C, thank you so much for these videos. Very helpful!! And hello to Gus. I had a cat named gus once. Have a great week!

  • @Snezanah
    @Snezanah Před 21 dnem +3

    Scientology 'church'people... narcissists.... I've seen videos where a famous actor is typically a narcissist. And the people who talks about him ...and we can hear and see how he do and talks. Exactly what you say of how they do..talk.

  • @jcm5171
    @jcm5171 Před 19 dny +2

    I just turn your voice on to feel better, Doctor.

  • @MM-gk5of
    @MM-gk5of Před 21 dnem +3

    Love Gus ❤

  • @yvelainearmstrong9752
    @yvelainearmstrong9752 Před 20 dny +2

    Gus is the chillest dog

  • @lindalarson5468
    @lindalarson5468 Před 21 dnem +2

    Dr C- your comments about your dedication to on-going service projects/volunteerism really struck a chord with me. I have some similar causes that I devote time to on a regular basis (and have for many years) and my narcissistic MIL mocks me in front of others for this. It puts me in a double bind because to defend myself sounds like I'm bragging or asking for affirmation/recognition. I could also ask her why she doesn't do anything for anyone else, but that would embarrass her and I don't want to go there. Any suggestions on how to respond when she begins with a question like "how's your dog rescue going?" then immediately begins belittling me for spending my time and resources on saving a bunch of stupid mutts.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Před 21 dnem +2

      Let her know…those mutts appreciate being loved, so it makes it worth my efforts. I like being loving. If she still complains let her know…we think differently.

  • @dosso9958
    @dosso9958 Před 20 dny +1

    Thank you! These questions/stories make me feel less alone. To your last question…. On the day that the doctors in the ICU told us that there was nothing else that they could do for our mom, who had a misdiagnosed critical illness, my sister caused a scene … crying for herself and how much weight she been losing due to her arthritis. “Hey! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!” She hated that Mom was getting the attention and sympathy that she felt entitled to.

  • @mireadossantos4610
    @mireadossantos4610 Před 13 dny +1

    Is it worth living when you have to oppress your feelings to be able to leave with someone? When you have to cover your hears not hear the shouting and the insults? When you can't have a normal conversation? That's my life. If I was younger I would move out. Too late for me now.

  • @Snezanah
    @Snezanah Před 21 dnem +3

    Aha...so it's power of rationalization and justification.

  • @IamStreber
    @IamStreber Před 20 dny +1

    I see right through the confusion mine tries to put on me and it does hurt, but it hurts even more being confused.

  • @b8akaratn
    @b8akaratn Před 21 dnem +2

    37:36 one can be evil without being crazy (cf Rex Huermann), and one can be crazy without being evil (like Van Gogh). It's the Deliberately unremorseful who're the ones to watch, imo. 😢

  • @Snezanah
    @Snezanah Před 21 dnem +3

    This video comes at the right time and I am thankful I see and hear this video...I was thinking and asking these questions in my thoughts, yesterday most recent for what I am much aware of. Thank you thank you❤.

  • @MeCynthiaAnn
    @MeCynthiaAnn Před 21 dnem +3

    Loooooove Gus

  • @judysangregorio2787
    @judysangregorio2787 Před 18 dny +1

    Hi to Gus!, the best guy in town!

  • @monikamikolajczak1902
    @monikamikolajczak1902 Před 19 dny +2

    Thank you!❤

  • @sylviaamodeo7090
    @sylviaamodeo7090 Před 21 dnem +2

    Be careful to not stereotype on Gender alone.!
    Everyone has their own character, this should be how we base our decision to have them in our presence, or NOT.

  • @Snezanah
    @Snezanah Před 21 dnem +2

    I see in My mind the movies Rocky, now in a different way. 😊

  • @jeank8131
    @jeank8131 Před 20 dny +1

    I have the complex narc that also when ubtell them u have a problem or situation, they 1 either talk about their problem first and how theirs is HUGE, or depending on thw mood they say the opposite, I just made a million dollars, im going on a yacht tomro, everyone said how hot I look today and how smart inwas at the meeting. It's never ending, never knownwhich one ubwill get the one who outdoes ur misery or the one who pushes ubdown when ur struggling w thier pretend amazing day or life or bonuses. Terrorized.

  • @julienatoli8561
    @julienatoli8561 Před 20 dny +1

    Hi Dr C 🥰 and my love to the amazing Gus! Soo ... here's a funny, yet totally true statement of how these toxic individuals think. In a conversation with them they will say, "Enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think about me?!!" 🙄🤦 They just canNOT refuse the temptation to make the conversation all about themselves!! Here's my best advice everyone ... FLEE!! 🙌😁😁

  • @rg-mi5hh
    @rg-mi5hh Před 21 dnem +2

    When two men, at different times, walk passed a no trespassing sign and into a space they know they shouldn't be, they aren't too logical. A woman who stands and cries because she isn't to trespass, she's supposed to be the dumb one. Most women have enough sense to turn a loud mower down or mow quickly where a man goes on and on and on without consideration for others listening to their noise. A woman with good sense does not buy their husband loud yard tools either. Just saying.

  • @artistmaureensharkey5321
    @artistmaureensharkey5321 Před 20 dny +1

    Could it be, one reason a person could become a narcissist, is that the rage of getting unjustly thwarted while living intensionally noble. Perhaps it may incline a person to project threatening future encounters? Seems that may have happened to my Mom. She was living nobly, then her Mother shamed her, so that made my Mother crazy. After all, my Mother knows decency well, but boy, does she get angry if she suspects disloyalty to her and her opinions.

  • @BonnieClyde-cp4td
    @BonnieClyde-cp4td Před 20 dny +1

    Hi Team Healthy!

  • @darinsmith2458
    @darinsmith2458 Před 21 dnem +3

    For whatever reason I had to search out this video today.. I had a dog that would get along with pretty much everyone but the people that he did not get along with I did not get along with.. I trusted his instincts over people.. I miss that dog..
    I also want to mention that after watching your video about the lady that was married to the Wolf of Wallstreet yesterday I went down the CZcams rabbit hole and I watched a few clips of the movie and I watched some of the interviews of him.. I did my research..

    • @darinsmith2458
      @darinsmith2458 Před 21 dnem +1

      1. Happy.. I would say there is a difference between happy and joy or peace..

    • @darinsmith2458
      @darinsmith2458 Před 21 dnem +1

      2. Pain.. Pain is a good motivator to do something else..

    • @darinsmith2458
      @darinsmith2458 Před 21 dnem +1

      3. Thermostat.. Interesting that you brought this up because I live in a condo complex and the HOA turned off our heat.. I just started using a space heater..

    • @darinsmith2458
      @darinsmith2458 Před 21 dnem +1

      4. Desolate wasteland and battlefield.. I first need to ask myself if I want to be part of that..

    • @darinsmith2458
      @darinsmith2458 Před 21 dnem +1

      5. Shield from shame.. I would ask if shame is a good thing..