Many men are making this mistake when picking a woman and committing to a long term relationship
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- čas přidán 24. 04. 2023
- Welcome to my youtube page and 5th video in which I talk about a mistake men are making in committing to a long term relationship with the wrong person; what is it and how it can be avoided. Stick around till the end, it will be worth it.
If she ever suggests that you don’t quite meet her standards, or that she’s unsure about you, or if she acts like she’s doing you a favor by dating you: believe her, and make the decision for her.
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True dat
Yes that’s a sign she is playing with several men online and possibly meeting in person dating also, she is shopping and man hopping 😅
The biggest mistake a man can make is committing to a woman who doesn’t actually like him. Too many men think that if they have a sexual relationship, she likes him.
yes 100% I made this mistake. The best choice is to just not get married.
When did you realize your ex didn't like you? What early signs did you miss? @@c1w2e3g4n5e6r
Sex is just having the 'hots' for someone. You don't need to like them. It's just chemistry. Nice if its more, but not necessary!
She may like him at first but outside influences like her family, her girlfriends, etc. may influence her against him so that in the long run she doesn't like him.
Men have been conditioned to believe that women equate sex with love. Oops.
I had a girlfriend who wanted to make things more serious, so I tested whether we could be more than just fw benefits. I asked her to come keep me company and help me get out of bed after I had a major surgery. And she was totally icked out by me being in a vulnerable state and not able to get up by myself. It was freaking her out so I said she could leave if she wanted and she did. Her lack of empathy and compassion told me all I needed to know. She was totally unable to care for me while I healed so I called another girl who was and we ended up dating for a while. She took great care of me and it didn't work out because of our career paths but she's making a great wife to the man she's with now.
I don't understand why some women react that way. It's disgusting and I doubt they will ever be able to stay in a relationship.
Then she is defenetly not a keeper.
Valid test.
I got divorced after 21 years. In retirement now and this is so true. When my father died after a year long ordeal with cancer. I admired how my mother helped him in his final year. If this woman couldn't help her boyfriend recover after his surgery...he really did the right thing by ending the relationship.
I had something similar I wasn't faking it. She bugged out. But that was the best part of it.
"the absence of everyday kindness" yeah, that rings true
Expectation is the mother of frustration.
Our marriage really went 'next level' when we both finally learned to enjoy what IS instead of what we thought should be.
Unrealistic expectations:
1. A woman who isn't full of herself
2. A woman who will treat me like a human
3. A woman who will judge me on MY actions, not other people's
4. A woman who won't go back on her word the microsecond it suits her
5. An actually feminine woman
6. A woman who wants me to be *only* hers, and is ready to be only mine
Couldn't said it better
In 2023 it really is unreasonable. Women have ruined their prospects, and future generations, all for a selfish delusion.
Yep, speaking of "unreal" expectations. Sadly, very few women would meet your criteria...
@@richburley5670 I'm inclined to go with none at all. Also could have phrased 6 more clearly
You just described 80% of the women I know. If you can’t find them you are looking in the wrong places.
This makes me think of two quotes, pretty sure both were from novels by David Gemmel. They do contradict each other.
“A woman marries a man assuming that he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman assuming she won’t change from the woman he fell in love with, but she does.”
“A woman falls in love with a man because he is different from all the other guys out there. He’s unique and she loves him for it. Once they are married, she tries to change things about him so he becomes more of what she is comfortable with… invariably she succeeds. He changes because he loves her and wants her to be happy. She spends the rest of their marriage nagging about what a boring conformist he is and whining about how he’s not the man that she married.”
The first quote originates with Albert Einstein, who was a keen observer of human behavior.
What he said is a little different though. It goes pretty much like this:
A woman marries a man hoping he’ll change.
A man marries a woman hoping she won’t.
Ultimately both are disappointed.
@@gregm8522 i never knew it was Einstein. I read it in a novel when I was 14, and I am now 43 and I have seen it proven accurate so many times.
25 years down the road from a divorce and you just walked across every single one that was real. Almost made me cry hearing this and being punished to do so,but its all good being down the road. I saw these things especially in retrospect and its all prohibited me from ever considering doing it again. These truly are words of wisdom from you, Emily, for people to consider on the front end. Thanks, you are doing a great service.
Every time I watch a video like this I grow to appreciate my girlfriend and our relationship more and more.
Well done sir
That’s wonderful! OR, the feeling that you are in a relationship to the wrong person.
Congratulations
How long together? How long exclusively together?
Only women who have unattractive faces tend to not have unrealistic expectations.
Possibly because they were not treated like a queen by everybody when growing up.
So whenever an ugly faced woman has unrealistic expectations, I’ll know one or both her parents treated her like a queen without merit when growing up.
My major point here is:
men tend to treat their daughters like queens, then their daughters create unrealistic expectations like that their adult life should continue to be a Disney princess character.
Because that’s all they were taught in how to interact with the world. Where every person has to serve her and she serves nobody or minimally in return.
Ironic, how men want someone’s adult daughter to not have unrealistic expectations. Yet the same men will raise their adult daughters to have unrealistic expectations. Feeding the cycle of producing unrealistic women into the population.
Doesn’t mean men should treat their daughters horribly. It just means to focus on raising a grateful or gratitude giving daughter.
That way a good man will want to marry and stay married to your daughter.
Otherwise, she’ll get played and ran through for having unrealistic expectations by men who can’t stand her, so they decide to play her.
Been married almost 46 years. First 20 was a rollercoaster. When she decided to be my friend and not my boss it got better and better. I married a very capable person. I couldn’t marry a person that needed to be micromanaged. But she had to learn that sometimes she had to be held accountable if our partnership was going to work. Marriage is a 200% commitment from each partner each day. The fact is, there is no such thing as pulling your fare share. Sometimes it’s up to you to make things work and get through the day or night. Rocked my infants at night after working all day so my exhausted wife could get some rest. Led by example when getting my kids to do chores. We are just human. Some days we struggle. We are times sad, frustrated, tired, disappointed, or sick. Worse thing you can do is to see the other person as a machine, expecting them to keep cranking out your desired results. We learned that every disagreement is not a life or death issue, nor does it have to be solved right away. Instead of complaining why don’t you … we eventually realized that was the only way each of us could manage to do it, so we started helping with each other’s deficits by coming along side each other to help make the task and life easier. We also started thanking each other a lot more and flirting each day. We also learned that expectations, of either yourself or your partner is poison. As well as your thinking that your partner was expecting something of you, when that was not the case at all. And learned to say what we need and to say what we would like, with the understanding that our spouse may not be able to meet that at that particular time. We found that assuming what our partner needed or would like was off more times than not. And we started making each other a priority. We would carve out time even if minutes a day to ask each other what’s been going on, or about the next day, and what’s been on each other’s minds. Which was not always easy with juggling jobs, kids, and now grandchildren. And tried to go on lunch dates whenever we could and take more overnight trips rather than just looking forward to one long vacation.. I met her when she was 18. We started dating when she was 19. I was 23 and she was 21 when we married. She is the best part of my life and I make sure she knows it. My heart goes out to folks who couldn’t make their relationship or marriage work. Those first 20 years were really good and really bad. I’m glad things are looking up for you and about your being pregnant. I wish you the very best.
Great piece - very genuine and sage
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thank you sharing this with us Chief :D
Well said.
the mistake We are making is....NOT HAVING ANY CHOICE or even prospects
how do you get choice
@@JJ-vp3bd have matches. Lots of them
huh? My single friend goes on a new date, usually ending in sex, every single week. He isn't any great catch. I mean what do you know about a person on a dating app - their face. Maybe because he's not fat that is his advantage compared to other men his age, but other than that, really not much there. So consequently it is my opinion that it is trivially easy to gain choice after choice after choice. Now whether that is frustrating for various reasons - maybe his dating pool is all bitter, burnt out serial daters as well, but you specifically called out no choice or prospect, that just doesn't jive. Maybe get on an app?
I find Emily to be a wonderful breath of fresh air. She is seeking to help men and women to form positive correctly functioning relationships.
In particular I love how she is breaking down negative male stereotypes,
It's getting to the point where a long term relationship is an unrealistic expectation.
The older she is, in general, post prime, the more eager she wants a LTR.
@@eQuariuz I wasn't referring to availability. I was referring to worth being with in a long term relationship.
I'm getting to the point where NOT having a long term relationship is unrealistic. Two together is a powerful and beautiful life.
@@kerryfoster1 You are older though.
@@kerryfoster1 Yes, if you find a unicorn.
Sad really that my marriage didn’t work out. You are spot on with your points. Number 3 is spot on and very sad and important for you guys to pay attention to. I was the sole bread winner for many years and helped with all the household chores and did everything outdoors . I tried so hard and it didn’t work. She didn’t appreciate my effort. I settled no doubt, we have two great kids but after that our relationship was not there. I was just a donor. Please pay attention to Her advice…
When I see what the dating world has become, I am so grateful for my wife. If I had to do it all over again, I'd probably stay single and alone. If I break that, then I figure that as a man, you give back what she gives out. I match what she puts out, so she decides how I'm going to treat her. Next, ladies, if all you're bringing to the table is a pretty face and a hot body, go sit at another table. Especially if you want Platinum-Plus treatment out of me but you're only putting out "trial membership" energy.
No you don't. Because if you really was then you'll not going to follow videos about dating advices.
I'm single now but when I was in relationship I was not spending my time to learn how is the date today. I was focus to my relationship even it didn't goes like I wanted.
So or you want to cheat and you regret who means that you don't respect your wife, or you are just liar, you probably you're single and you try to boost your ego with a fake comment in CZcams
@@lamastu2156 your life sounds amazing
I broke a girl's heart a few months ago. And you just described exactly what happened. She was having a great time with me because she had expectations, and then I inevitably disappointed those expectations.
It's very difficult as a man to maintain that level of putting it all out there day after day through the life of a relationship. If you leave a woman to get used to that treatment, as soon as you CAN'T keep it up every day, she is going to be seeing that as you no longer loving her.
Lack of gratitude and lack of empathy are two major issues that I keep running into. Can't seem to find anyone who is goal oriented and desires to go farther or make more of themselves. Finding someone who actually wants to be a team has proven difficult as well seems to all go one-sided. I find myself being used for what a woman can get me to do for her and the moment I stop doing for them they turn cold. Myself I think I am giving up on dating, all I have seemed to find is misery, heartache, and a lot of resentment
Have you ever found out the star sign compatibility test.Not all signs work together,some others may work until something cracks then it goes downhill.I'm an Aries so a Leo would be compatible with me.
@@lesjones471 No one fucking cares about astrology... It's freaking idiotic to think that the time of the year you were born has any influence on a person's character lmfao
You are welcome to have your own views I'm not forcing them on you,I found the hard way later on when she got settled down things were changing but I did not know why but I do now.Your comment seems you have not done any research at all and think of your own opinion is right.If you were to did deeper and start asking couples how they get along then ask them their birth sign. you say " No one fucking cares about astrology " so how many people did you ask???? NONE,be truthful.I'm an Aries ex was a Virgo worst match going,I'm nearly 75yrs old and been around the world to places of unrest because I joned the UK forces to defend my country and help to keep the peace for 18+ yrs,I did not fear the joining up on my own terms this is how strong Aries are.@@Xarosai
My ex is an Aries and I'm a Virgo.... Why didn't someone warn me?
Thats exactly why I stopped. Stay single for a while til ya awaken the self respect; then ya can try again and ya wont deal with those prissy potatoes
Being prepared to be disappointed is a good method to overcome most of the hassles.
Unexpressed expectations are dangerous. Expressing expectations is a risk, but can be dealt with when expressed. If they are unrealistic, they will be exposed for what they are. High expectations are not a bad thing, but require increased grace when people don't always reach ilthem.
Now I understand when I opened up at age 50 to a woman of the same age she seem to shame me every time we didn’t agree. Needless to say, I left her after 10 years and at age 63 I don’t think I’m ever going to take on another woman. It’s hard work. I’ve always made all the money. I put my kids through college they never had to work and at he end of the day The ladies say they’re not happy because they’re not keeping up with their friends. Today’s women couldn’t hold a candle to my mother or my grandmother. Today’s women are very weak and just expecting that everyone will take care of them because they were born.
It lasted 7 years for me. And I lived with her 7 years before that.
Lack of gratitude was definitely a factor.
Mind reader, check.
Did not try to control. She was good about that. Or maybe she did at some point and I cut it off instantly and forgot all about it.
Can't notice any flags with a pathological liar. If you don't know they are that. Some women can hide that very well.
I think our divorce is because of unrealistic expectations on my part. Although in my defense I was upfront in the beginning that I wanted to start a family. It was only after 18 months (after marriage) that she decided she didn’t want children and just wanted to focus on her career (mindful, she had No college degree and no job for the first 3 years)
If you were upfront how's that unrealistic? Also starting a family is not a big ask unless she's already old enough 35+ that's there significant risk I'm doing so
Yep, finding women who want to have children, not abort them, is an increasingly unrealistic expectation today.
I tell me friends those are the "Otter rules". "Face it Flounder, you f---ed up. You trusted us!"
As long as you and your partner are fully dedicated to ensuring the happiness of one another, then the biggest common issue I've seen is communication. If you can't communicate your needs to your partner and have them understand what exactly you need, then that will cause all sorts of problems. It causes a mismatch of expectations. It can make a partner feel like they're alone in their struggles, which can cause them to do things which result in bitterness from their partner. Communication is key when you run into issues that can affect the happiness of a partner like sex disorders, addiction, depression, or other mental or emotional issues that develop over the course of the relationship. These are things that can easily happen despite you having a very loving partner and they can't take it personally but both sides need to work with each other to continue functioning.
I've been married 21 years now and our marriage could have easily ended on many different occasions during the course of that time. I had a partner who cared about my happiness and stuck with me as we learned (the hard way in many cases) the value of communication. Now I feel like barring a breakdown of those two attributes, there isn't any problem we can't endure.
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FOUR!
A big part of why my last relationship didn’t work. Strike 1 was her getting mad at me for being frustrated over something at work. Strike two was exoressing a concern in the relationship, and having her get so mad in response she was literally shaking.
There was no strike three.
Actually, if the divorce comes at 8 years, the petition for divorce likely came at around 7 years. And the decision to file did not come out of the blue. It was where one person decided to give up. But this point was not reached quickly. The problems began years earlier. So if you're putting your focus on addressing the problems in year 8, you likely already missed your best chance to fix things, by at least 3 to 5 years.
Facts!
I'd say by Year 3, someone is in serious regret mode, but too unsure what to do about it.
There will always be a problem that comes up no matter how many years in
Married 20 years... I don't know if my expectations are unreasonable, but I will admit that they have definitely changed over the last 10 years. Struggling to figure out how I'm supposed to "work on it" if I don't really want to anymore. Resentment, expectations changing and not met, and just in general feeling like I'm an alien in my own home...
Thank you very much, though... you always give me something to think about, and that means the world to me. :)
Sorry to hear chum. From a 59 year old man , my advice …. Get the **** out …asap. Life’s short and precious and there is NOTHING worse than regrets at life’s late stages- believe me !!
Emily is cute, love that she doesn’t come off as arrogant and pretentious, but wise and self confident. I loved your video where you tell women if you tell a man to fix something, they want to fix it-spot on.
Oh cut the crap you just want to bang her. Yeah she is cute I can see why you want to.
LOL. She's a grifter
I thank you for this!!! I grew up with my parents as marriage counselors (for Catholics termed Marriage Preparation), and this echoed everything I've heard (from parents) and learned (in my one and only "common-law" marriage) to my late wife. You REALLY have to be real with each other to see AND learn if you are a good fit for each other.
Thank you Emily for a new series of videos. They are so helpful.
There were two women who were really extra serious about me.
I found out quickly they were presuming that I would heart and soul convert to their ways of thinking and living.
No lets decide on what.
The first one i would have had to emigrate away to places i would have had no standing to start over from scratch.
The second one we really could have worked out but she had a super long list and wouldn't back down on any of the demands.
Sadly she passed away from her condition never having had her dream of becoming a wife arrive (no other guy wanted to deal with the excess requirements either & she eventually ran out of time).
If she would have let me guide her she would have died a happy wife instead of alone in her room.
My way or the highway I guess is how it goes.
How old was she when she died?
@@MrKrushgutz Just passed her 40th birthday basically. Heart attack due to her condition. She was alone at home when it happened on a weekend.
She didn't want to be open about her condition but told me her heart wasn't good (yet going on about we'd have to try for kids if we married and it wasn't a debate it was one of her rules basically).
She was in her last stage of free mobility while we were seeing each other then after she ended it I heard that she started downhill).
@@KaiserSoze357 No, not at all!
She was the perfect weight!
I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Any red blooded man who is regular average would have said she's fine.
4'9" long hair & DDs and nice booty Italian.
She had a rare bone disease.
She kept trying to bluff me (it was a car accident no it was a broken bone it was.. and she couldn't remember what she told me the last time.
Kept changing the story so I knew it was something serious then by mistake she admitted getting pregnant might stop her heart.
She was divided in her mind what to do.
It's too bad she couldn't just been totally open with me and let me offer guidance.
She desperately wanted to be married and held by a man, & she was attracted to me, and believe me she was built to "be held" (knockout). She was losing the battle to the ravages of her disease and at the same time trying to convince me to risk everything (like having a baby with a woman who dies giving birth), and on top of it convert to her religion which I was to a point willing to be respectful but not completely go under her thumb.
She never found another man after sending me packing. Her disease advanced and she died waiting for (doctors to figure out how to cure it).
She should have let me take care of her and do the decision making.
She could have at least been relaxed that she has a husband she is attracted to and cares about her and focus on fighting her condition rather than trying to control literally everything and everyone and burn up her small energy resources.
People don't realize how short life really is!!
A once hot smoke show woman I was friends with for years was kinda the same way.
Everything had to be her way or the highway.
She couldn't let life show her what she needs.
She could have been fully been taken care of by me or her other long term guy friend
(She said he pushed for a relationship and she gave him a shot, then said "he was boring" and ended it, and wasn't interested in giving me a shot (I'm thinking she presumed I would be boring also). She married Tyrone after like 3 dates, not knowing anything about him past his measurements then discovered he became a permanent part of her chesterfield after getting married. After they divorced she sheepishly admitted she knew I could have been her rock after all (too late)!!
Then her once level 9 looks went all to pot, and she began experiencing health and emotional problems that have been ongoing.
She is alive and reasonably healthy but not 100% and no men she truly appreciate surrounding her anymore. She sent all the guys who truly appreciated her packing.
Going into her declining years essentially alone.
I *know for a fact* a bunch of women I have tried getting involved with are all going down this path;
30, 35, 40, 45, 50, etc each year alone and getting wrinkles and saggy and rejected all the men who would have been overjoyed at watching them grow into an old ladies.
That's life I guess.
That whole part of the beginning where you were talking about how the guys are putting in all of the effort and the women's just kind of sit there until they finally feel like reciprocation? That's why 50% of available men in a span of only 3 years have given up dating entirely.
Also women rate 80% of men as unattractive, who wants to be with someone who doesn't find them attractive (little to no bedroom action etc). I know a lot of guys who do just put up with it anyway though....
Finally we have a woman who support men. You show thus through your insights. God bless
There are a number of them out there if you open your eyes.
One of the best videos of this kind I've come across.
You absolutely hit the mark on this video, Emily. This is one perspective I had not considered but definitely will in the future. One more thing, the unrealistic expectations I experienced that might interest you is your last issue of emotional reaction such that my mate complained I did not show enough emotional "vulnerability" which is completely the opposite of the example you gave.
Get a dog instead. Save your money and your heart.
If you can ever find a woman who loves you as much as your dog does, then you might have a keeper.
Until then, enjoy the peace and tranquility of living a life alone. 😊
Wow a sensible logical woman. So refreshing. There is hope for the women out there in our wide world.
Regards Mitch from Australia 🇦🇺
I followed for a while, then left because the content was moving a direction that I did not think was healthy. This longer form content on your own is awesome!
These insights are incredibly helpful. It is giving perspective (the why) and means to improve things (the how). I see a course laid out and because of the why, a means to adapt on the fly.
Thank you for putting the effort into this content and exposing yourself to the negative sides of the Internet.
Yeah, it's usually a good idea to cherry pick ideas (in a good way) from different creators. No one creator has all the answers and sometimes they're wrong, but there's some good stuff on here :)
I'm glad you are slowly blowing up as a CZcamsr right now, I m not really a fan influencers, that is why I think you have always brought in good content to the platform... Keep it up 👍🌹💜
I just love this young woman. Always try to catch her posts. Totally interesting. I sincerely hope she’s happy in her own personal life. I’m sure she’s helped many people.
Emily, this is brilliant !
Thank you !
I made this mistake. I knew she had super high expectations of man because of her losses in her mind. I did everything I could to care and love her but I had to wait for my car and she left. Even though I wrote to her and helped out
2 years of my time wasted thank u for sharing this. I've learned from your channel.
If she is into my house, my car, my wedding, my kids, my, my, my, you need to put on your running shoes. Selfish women that spend a lot of time on themselves usually bring unhappiness. Unselfish women, who have a warm heart for the welfare of other people, wanting to brighten the world's of other people, unselfishly serving and caring for the needs of other people in some form, are a very good place to start on your road to happiness. The man in the picture should also have similar qualities. One very important thing above all the others, is they both have similar spiritual values in common.
It's seriously like you know exactly what I've been through the last month.
The foundation of anger is unmet expectations.
I love that you bring the receipts Emily ❣️Prayers for continued health, and a happy healthy baby 🙏👶
Emily-How did you get to be so insightful? You nailed it.
My first marriage had all those red flags. Controlling, the expectation of knowing what she was thinking, never happy with anything I did, could only be happy when she got what she wanted and still wasn't happy. Low self esteem issues. Poor with money, always seeking the fun thing and not being responsible with money. Just wanted more and more and more continually trying to spend her way to happiness. Where does one find a good woman cuz I've been looking for 10 years.
I'm really enjoying these videos Emily, thank you.
Boom, nailed it! Thank you for this video!
I just wanted someone who appreciated me but ended up wasting years of my life on someone who thought their career was more important and they were not at fault ever.
Thank you, I heard things that I have seen before.
You bring out a lot of good points. I like listening to the topics and solutions you bring about.
I married my highschool gf. I walked out on her two years ago (I'm 30 now) for these reasons and others. She had insanely unrealistic expectations of me as a man, expected me to read her mind and know what's wrong without her having to communicate, withheld intimacy as a way to control me, she was verbally/emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative, she lied to me regularly, and worst of all, she cheated on me. After I left her she lied to anyone who would listen that I abused her so she could appear as the victim and make me out to be the bad guy. I did the best I could. I did everything for her, but nothing was ever enough for her. Honestly, idk if I'll ever be able to let my guard down enough to let someone get close to me like that ever again.
I'm sorry for your situation....
Even though why your not married is no one's business. I'm glad you shared this. I learned alot about you. You're much older than you look. And being divorced myself I totally understand how you feel about marriage. I feel the same way that's why I may never get married again.
Thank you so much for what you do. This is information I think I really need to know. It feels therapeutic to even be learning it.
You have just explained my late wife to a tee. I hade to give up almost everything I enjoyed just to make her happy. She would always control everything. My ideas where always stupid But she never really was I guess. I never claimed to be perfect. And I tried so hard. Never could understand why she turned to alcohol and drugs . I love my wife and miss her so much.
As someone who has been in recovery for 34 years I can definitely say that she would have turned to drugs and alcohol with any man, or no man at all. Addiction is what we do and we either face that and take steps to counter-act or we succumb.
@@worksbydandeprez i tried all I could. And worked so hard to help her with her addiction. But I couldn’t help her at all. People have said you can’t help someone without their willingness. But I still think that I should of tried harder.
I have a hard time believing you are for real. You are coming off as someone with no respect for himself. Sorry ..dude I don''t believe you.
@@lesallen1557 @worksbydandeprez is right. Her turning to addiction shows unresolved issues in her life. Your inability to make her happy was due to that, not anything you did or could do.
It is lovely that you remember her as she was and do keep that in your keepsakes. However, it is clearly not her now and an alcoholic drug abuser will pull you and any children you might have down - even worse when she will almost certainly get prime care of the kids just because she is female. If you are still prepared to take the extreme risk, go and find a girl with high standards - someone who loved once can find love again but make sure she is worth it and really meets your standards before getting into the relationship.
Miss Emily, why are you Soooo wise for a young woman ? You are so right on what men feel. I have experienced all of these issues. I Soooo wish I would have met a woman like you when I was younger. How did you arrive at all these revelations ? Wow, just Wow 👍🙃
Every girlfriend I've had wanted me to read their mind. I always thought I was the problem, but I see now that I used to be attracted to toxic women.
Very true and very nicely articulated
This was very helpful. Thank you.
Dating gurus foment unrealistic expectations with their claims, such as, "if you buy my course, you will learn how to generate a woman's excitement about you."
Concur.
Not only appealing to a manipulative mindset but also Totally self-serving.
I think that we can only think in life as 3 yr arcs. That includes relationships. The timelines of our lives are always at play.
It's even more frustrating when a woman doesn't know what they're looking for but will still match you with some criteria that they think they should have. You may tick all of these relationship boxes but she'll reject you anyway if you didn't manage to make her absolutely infatuated like some school girl chasing the spark.
Good info! Thanks, Emily...
Watched a few of your videos.After this one : subscribed.
No expectations = no disappointments
many red flags show in first few weeks, others in in first few months, just need to have cold head, and not simping -> i made that mistake
Wow - you hit ALL of the salient points here - and all of these happened to me/us in our marriage over 28 years… the problem I had was that I didn’t see the red flags before we were married, and we dated for 18 months…
Really great video. So important to be thinking about and talking about theses things as a new couple.
I can't make mistake. Because I have no one to pick from!
I’m still watching with mixed emotions. I guess most of my gf’s showed their true colors after about a year and I still haven’t been married. I understand that you can talk about expectations but that mind-reader stuff usually comes out of nowhere and I’ve never met any girl who wanted to talk about it. Seems to me that when her unrealistic expectations are not being met, she starts playing the other cards: expecting mind-reading, becoming resentful or disrespectful, never wanting sex anymore. Since at that point she becomes impossible, the relationship ends. Maybe I’m lucky I never got married. My #1 expectation: sex once per week. Otherwise I could be happier with a dog!
A woman always WANT what she does not have already.. It will never change. ;)
You are lucky. No marriage, no cohabitation. Always be ready to walk.
@@SKBottom I have a friend who’s doing very well financially but struggles because he’s 5’6”. Still he does better than I do and he refuses to cohabitate. With all his bad experiences he believes that it ruins the relationship. He says, “Living apart keeps you both forever in a dating frame of mind. Both of you continue to be on your best GAME and it’s less likely that it gets stale and someone develops unrealistic expectations.” I’ve never been there so I can’t comment. My relationships usually turn to shit well before there’s any thoughts of living together.
You're definitely lucky you never got married. It's a mistake for any man to get married in the west these days in my opinion. I was foolish enough to marry my high school gf, and well.. that didn't go so well for me. Your friend has the right idea. Stay free.
They literally have nothing to offer.
Well, the main thing about Expectations (not only in relationships) is, that: if they are not met, it is a mistake on the side of the person who made that Expectation, and not on the side of the person who was supposed to have met that Expectation.
So I have to ask a very real question, and that is:
Why is it nowadays that so many women who when you try to talk to them that the instant you say something that they don't like, instead of being courteous and hearing you out to try to understand where you're coming from, they get loud, mouthy, interrupt, and won't let you finish?
Yet, if you as a man don't listen to what she has to say, she will immediately condemn you for it. Why is this?
Bad parenting and a society that allows it.
You’re a very sharp person 🙏🌹
Recently Allexander, Grace did a video about people getting together, and not knowing what they want where the one person completely falls into the other persons frame. If you don’t know what you want that one, it might develop or change in the short term or medium term or long term, and then the person you are with is no longer the person you want to be with,
He proposes that men and women, knowing what they want, actually, knowing what they want, allows them to commit long-term. Everything else is sort of doomed to the coin, toss of fates fancy.
Agreed, I was married for 28 years to a woman who told me she wanted to be one person, then never acted like that person. She came from a bad family, so I definitely wanted to help her get there. Unfortunately, holding her accountable to those wishes just frustrated both of us.
The only problem here, is that for Every Man who decides to self evaluate, realize his worth, values, goals, weaknesses and strengths, there must also be a woman of his SMV doing same.
For every obese man that decides to eat right and lose weight, there must also be a fatlady doing same, or did same. Just like every employee needs an employer.
This isn't happening. Women, Emily excluded, are largely not reevaluating, adjusting to the new paradigm. They are binge-eating "Spot The Narcissist" videos,
Things I said early on that came to fruition. In junior high school I said I would retire from the Navy. I didn’t make the rank that I thought I would.
Second, in high school I decided that I would get a degree in secondary education in science. I did that when I was 47 years old 6 months after my oldest child graduated from high school.
Everytime I watch your videos I wish that I could find female friends like you. I often have conversations about the things you talk about and I have met very few people who agree with me, especially women. Apparently I am morally incorrect for thinking like you. I don't understand why toxic femininity and hostility towards consideration and love is so common now.
Don't embrace the potential, be present. I also am avoiding naturally competitive and emotionally unavailable people as well.
I wish I knew this or was more perceptive to this before the manipulation. Thank you.
True I used to be guilty of this, not anymore
“Mind reader,” the stuff of craven mystics…agreed, TOXIC!
I agree on all the points
I can tell you that I'm single as the result of "unrealistic expectations", unfortunately I was the one NOT meeting the expectations. C'est la Vie.
I made two big mistakes on marriage: 1. Following through when she showed me ridiculous antagonisms that I did, as you say, pass off as ... in my case, 'just getting jittery, will clear up when she's really secure; 2. I held onto that THING that ate me from the stomach out, for 20 years.
Be ready to not only let go, but jettison a cretin, not at the first indication, perhaps, but when it shows as a 'reliable' pattern. If I had done that, there would not have been a wedding... or 20 years of hell, or all the post divorce crap.
And that advice works for both women and men: understand that 'they' are on best behavior early on: it gets worse from here, if it's bad. On the other hand, if the relationship really buds, 'best behavior' isn't even really a factor--the passion and partnership will simply drive beautiful things. And if you get that, take loving care of it.
You're smart. Thank you.
Really great advice on those 4 things!!! I used to be a victim of all of them but now I can see them very clearly and when I see them I will try to talk about it with them but most women of my generation (Boomer here) don’t want to talk about it or think I’m imagining it so that’s when I just walk away… I don’t get this much with the younger girls some Gen X and most Millennials. This is why I want to take it slow. Their true colors usually will show up in about 2 to 3 months. I don’t chase them either. This is probably why I have been alone now for almost 10 years and now I’m thinking my time is running out and I will probably be alone for the rest of my life…? The girls that do show an interest in me are usually my daughter’s ages (they are in their 40’s) and they always think I’m their older brother, that’s a compliment to me too. A lot of them tell me “age is just a number” lol… I was 21 years older than my 2nd wife but she has MS and had a mental breakdown 10 years ago and left me 😢 she treated me the best out of all the women I have been with.
Very insightful
I'll say this, how you start is how you'll finish. Really easy to see, the first time that happened, a naive younger me went in with the "superman" complex, and I learnt the lesson above painfully. Any time a woman starts off with that mentality, I'm running, running for the hills.
Yes, my divorce was caused, in part, by her unrealistic expectations. I could never make her happy, and in ignorance I tried everything, until I changed and matured enough to realize that I am not responsible for her happiness. She wanted to shape and change me into something I am not, and the delusions became very unhealthy. We are each responsible for our own emotions, thoughts, attitudes and happiness. A partner should support that and we should not try to make people change.
There's an old saying that goes something like "A woman marries a man hoping he'll change and a man marries a woman hoping she won't".
Just excellent advice!!
Expect more from yourself, than from others, and you will avoid all that 'expectations' drama.
This is good 👍 Thanks!
I got to say the wait until we're married thing was a huge red flag that I didn't see until very recently. I've been married 13 years and even though she said wait till marriage it didn't change. So the person that you're presented with when you're dating is the person you're going to marry!
I'm not happy being single and alone either!!!!!
All the red flags you gave explained my ex wife Persian woman I was married to for 23 years. We are better friends now than husband and wife. I saw many of these traits on women I started to talk to online and it was a big turn off for me, I’d rather not go through hell a second time. 😅 for me I’ll travel the world and slow travel several countries first in Southeast Asia and get to know the culture and lay of the land, and not be in a hurry to meet my life partner, just wait till the timing and person are a match for my goals in life and for my future to share with her.
I stayed with a covert narcissist for 37 years and I agree with everything you said
I still can't get rid of my covert narcissist after 20 years. Its like living with the devil.
I am bad at picking a partner, but I found the BEST by accident. whew
What is your education? (what field?) You are so in tune to men. I wish more women had this knowledge. I've been divorced for 25 years because I could not find someone who was realistic like this video discusses.
7:39 tl;dr Beware a woman with unrealistic expectations.
Signs:
1. Lack of gratitude/appreciation. (Focusing on the problems and not on the good that's happening.)
2. Lack of clear communication. (Expecting you to be a mind reader.)
3. Someone who tries to control and change you. (Expecting you to act and think like her.) If she has strong negative opinions on things you value (especially how you spend your money), you need to take a serious look at this.
4. A bad reaction to when you are vulnerable, express feelings, etc.
Takeaways: Date long enough to see if your potential partner has unrealistic expectations. If they are showing green flags, then try to plan how you would accomplish your goals together (e.g. how would you raise children?)