FEAR is the basis of RESPECT: people must hear you hiss
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- čas přidán 21. 12. 2023
- A common refrain I hear in my consultations with men is feeling disrespected. These men feel as though other men look down on them, and that women tend to overlook them. And since I've been giving the same feedback in multiple sessions, I thought I would make an episode on the topic to spare guys the trouble. Basically, it's dangerous for a man to appear harmless, as it makes it more likely that he will be the target for aggression that others would like to direct elsewhere -- but are too afraid to do so. Whether we like it or not, fear is the basis of respect.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #respect #men
A common refrain I hear in my consultations with men is feeling disrespected. These men feel as though other men look down on them, and that women tend to overlook them. And since I've been giving the same feedback in multiple sessions, I thought I would make an episode on the topic to spare guys the trouble. Basically, it's dangerous for a man to appear harmless, as it makes it more likely that he will be the target for aggression that others would like to direct elsewhere -- but are too afraid to do so. Whether we like it or not, fear is the basis of respect.
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
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Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #respect #men
Spot on 🎯 is there a way that your advice can apply to women?
@@PR-cv1if Hiss, but with a pepper spray in yo purse
I disagree, fear is only the basis of respect when you are a coward.
When a guy cuts you off because he is in a hurry on the highway and then proceeds to have road rage, I don't respect that guy because he is a douche nozzle. That is called not making someone else's problem yours. See he has no respect for you as he endangers everyone's life by driving crazy and it is not an accident that he is habitually late to where every he is going. That guy is selfish and thinks that his time is more valuable then everyone else. Just because you recognize a pattern where dangerous morons are buckets of 💩 that you don't want to step in, doesn't equate to respect.
Is anyone afraid of Robert Downey Jr.? No not really. But he commands respect because he is a leader and everyone looks to him for direction and context. He is also very funny and gregarious.
Admiration is the basis of respect.
When you hear a brilliant speaker, see a beautiful painting, hear an infectious tune, revel in the machinery of a car or tourbillon watch, enjoy a delicious meal and every time you give a standing ovation..... that is Respect.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Proverbs 9:10
☦️ ✝️
@psychacks There is some truth to what you’re saying regarding the relationship between fear and respect. However I must respectfully disagree with your overall premise.
In my experience the basis of respect isn’t fear, but admiration. When people possess character traits and qualities that engender admiration respect follows naturally. Fear only leads to more fear, resentment, and anger. Someone relying on fear may gain a measure of obedience, for a time. But because of the resulting resentment building within the people they manage through fear they’ll never maintain control forever.
We should cultivate admirable qualities within ourselves, and recognize those qualities in others whom we respect in order to get respect. In the long term relying on fear and threats to gain respect will only lead to disgust, antagonism, and ultimately in the most extreme cases, isolation!
If you’re gonna hiss, eventually you’re gonna have to back it up with a bite. Otherwise it’s an empty threat.
I grew up a skinny pencil. Eventually, I began fighting rather than avoiding.
I never won a fight. It didn’t matter. The bullies started leaving me alone.
My experience exactly with bullies when growing up. Look them straight in the eye and not being intimidated and genuinely willing to fight if necessary.
Win or lose, not being afraid to 'bite' will earn RESPECT.
Indeed. "Violence is not the answer" is one of the most idiotic sayings there are. If it was true then how is the entire civilization built on violence? If you aren't capable of actually defending yourself then others will walk all over you, period. And remember too: eye for eye leaves half the world with at least one working eye.
@varmastiko2908 this is why the tick toc trend of young people constantly saying why they would not join the military is so insane to me. Where do young people like these think thier safety comes from?
@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gtThose tiktokers are ill informed and should not be listened to but you're not exactly seeing the big picture either if you think the military brings safety. First of all, safety is always an illusion. Second, what I speak of here is that entities including militaries will walk all over people if they aren't defending themselves. What you call 'safety' can't be outsourced. Where's your big stick for keeping the powerful in line when they have the control of those armed forces and you don't?
The issue is there whether the military we speak of is foreign or domestic. It's one thing that people have given all their power away to entities like that; it's another thing that people don't even know who their enemies are. We're screwed all right, but I'm always trying to rattle the cage a little, perhaps some good little sheep will bat an eye every once in a while.
You're 100% right. Same experience
This is why marriage is so dangerous and why women generally push for marriage. Marriage is essentially the transfer of power, leverage and wealth to the woman. She no longer has to fear her man leaving because she has the power, weight and venom of the divorce courts in her favour. If anything, he has to now fear her.
Nowadays, the only consequence you can impose on your girlfriend/wife if she disrespects you is to leave. Physical abuse is completely out of the question, talking to persuade her can only do so much (women vs. logic in an argument rings a bell?) so you must have options to have any power in a relationship. This is why the majority of men become simps: because they can’t punish their girlfriend bad behavior, but she can punish them by withholding sex.
Not true in religious marriage ** if she's actually religiously convicted ** . Useless if you have a false convert on your hands
@@CalinGilea if you are married with kids, it is almost impossible to leave a venomous wife unless you want to receive her fury in divorce court. So many men have no idea that they have thrown away their biggest trump card by getting married.
You don’t have to leave her physically to leave her. Women who love their men also care about their men’s opinions and admiration and love for them. If you can remove your feelings, or become disappointed with her or not respect what she is doing to you, then that would be tantamount to you physically leaving her. The problem, however, is that men are becoming such Simps that they don’t use their feelings for the woman in the negotiations, therefore, the feelings are taken for granted, literally
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 This can be the case in the US. In other countries things are different.
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Simple. Both. I want them to be afraid of how much they love me.” - Michael Scott
I stay calm in dangerous situations (gun shots, accidents, fist fights). Staying calm in chaotic situations is how you "hiss" that you are a dangerous person & not to be messed with. I happened to be a war veteran. This is what makes me calm in these situations.
You are NOT alone with this overstanding.
Cambodia '75 forged me.
Semper Fi
As a war survivor I have the same demeanor
War makes u raw I guess...
Exactly. The loudest one in the room is most often the weakest / most insecure.
@@enl8ghtenmenttv476
IT BARES YOUR SOUL
Doc, one of the biggest reasons for this is our active cultural suppression of masculinity. Society is teaching men that by being docile and embracing the feminine mode of operating more, they will thrive. Not only are men not thriving in this aspect, but they’re getting weaker overtime.
Fellas, take pride in your masculinity and be unapologetic about it. There’s nothing to be ashamed off, your anger, aggression and drive for power are healthy masculine aspects of that are necessary for you to evolve. Stop weakening yourselves and moving passively in order not to look “harmful” to others. You don’t have to lack power in order to control yourself.💯
Will to power. Nietzsche ❤
Jordan Peterson says the same. Be a monster, but keep it in check.
@@Ace.0.0.0. He sadly failed with that. His "Give them hell" statement regarding the Palestinians and Zionists was very monstrous.
It isn't society, it is your leaders in Washington, social media, & guillible sheeple following them. It is not the whole of society, it is only a minority but they are highly promoted in social media.
@@Ace.0.0.0.Karma is coming to those who harm others. Jews & Christians aren't immune to karms.
"Social media made y'all way to[o] comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it." - Mike Tyson
Not sure if this is truly a direct quote but it rocks regardless 🤘🫶
Speaking of Tyson, even he still gets treated with disrespect. That's because disrespectful people are the actual problem, and not the supposedly "weak" or "low value" person who is the receiver of disrespect. Bas Ruten is another example. People will randomly start fights with him to "prove" something.
“We respect the people who have the power to hurt us but who choose not to.” 👌 I remember this particular convo between Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson where it’s mentioned that “it’s better to be a warrior in a garden than be a gardener in a war.”
BULLSEYE
Samwise Gamgee would prove otherwise...
@@crystalpearson924 - nope. He did draw his sword on at least one occasion, in some tower in Mordor and killed several orcs.
But it’s best to be a gardner in a garden than a warrior in a war.
@@Zummbot And a garden will never intrude on a war, whereas many a war has had its way with many a garden.
I would love to tip you what your worth Doc, but I can't afford it! 😂 Great philosophy lecture today! Thank you! 👨⚕️🏥
That's a generous donation notwithstanding. I appreciate your support, brother.
Always delivering .Never found another channel like yours.
💯
It's so good right!
Agreed, because hes actually the few people on this platform that ACTUALLY know wtf hes talking about!
Agree. This and hoe math has helped me a lot recently
Cuz he's RPA, unlike JP.
The most effective hiss is the ability to take a step back and show your absence. Whether it’s in relationships, work, negotiations, family or whatever. If you can communicate a hiss by simply taking a step back into the shadow, you have become a seriously respectable dude.
In the meantime, you have to improve yourself in all areas. Especially study human nature because when you come back they will think you are still the same. People perception of you don't change.
Very good comment. It applies to everybody.
No my friend. You will not gain RESPECT by creating absence
You know why? Because now u have demonstrated to that person that YOU ARE NOT RELIABLE. That you can just DISSAPPEAR. In time, you will loose VALUE in that person's mind because after ABSENCE they can no longer count on you KNOWING u got it in you to DISSAPPEAR then REAPPEAR like pick a boo-boo
@@j.f.almeida9081 That's a very valuable lesson, thank you for that information. I agree that people's perception of you do not change even after not seeing you for some time and it is up to you to show them how much you have changed during that time of your absence.
@@hemiltongrace6699 This is a rather interesting perspective. I guess like everything in this world, there is always an opposite side/argument. What is your suggestion, then in this situation?
Sad, but true. As a long time manager, I learned that if I was too chummy with my subordinates, I would lose control of them. Respect was far more valuable than like, but I always tried for both, sacrificing like if necessary.
I was a miserably unhappy man in a very unhappy marriage to an emasculating, disrespectful woman. I made the mistake of pledging to never leave her, even though she treated me like shit. And, not too surprising, I kept getting shit on. Until one day when I told it was over... And just like that she started to play nice
Hah. And what happened? You stayed? Or left?
Reminds me of my ex-husband.
She'll be back at it before long because you haven't left. Your words are hollow because they are not followed by deed.
@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt - are you confessing that you treated him like crap?
@@28pbtkh23, no. That he was the same as the woman who was horrible. He was an abusive asshole. He waited until I was vulnerable and pregnant to get really nasty. Never again will I allow someone to do that to me.
Unbelievable .
I NEEDED this as a teenager - I’m 63 .
Not a “ pushover “ ; but got married at 18 , and became a father of two children by 22 years old .
In short ; NEVER wanted to get fired at work , as my role first and foremost was to be a provider .
BUT - I became a pushover de facto because I never learned the lesson taught HERE !
THEN - even became a
“ simp “ in my marriage after the children grew up and moved out of the house - but that’s another story on the next OPRA Show …
Long story- short version , I ended up divorced at 51 . And after I realized it was just ME ; I found my testicles and did more than hiss in my sometimes toxic job of 33 years . Everyone was
“ taken aback “ as I ended up in H/R with close encounters that almost resulted in physical altercations . BAM ! Problem solved !
Thanks 🙏 for educating the
“ good men “ out here where our MEEKNESS is wrongfully mistaken for WEAKNESS ! Two totally DIFFERENT THINGS !
Peace ☮️
Give more detail about what happened at the job of 33 years. What problem was solved? Was it "solved" by them simply firing you?
@@exnihilonihilfit6316
Nobody fired me ; my bad if that’s what my testimony implied .
What the takeaway was that I failed to get across ; AFTER I no longer had small children and a wife to have to possibly face and explain that I lost my job ( if ) I stood up for myself at work and had gotten fired …
But I stood up for myself , got into altercations NOW because the chumps all expected me to take the crap that I
“ used to put up with “ and now I no longer do - now , to the point of this host , my HISS 🐍 is loud and bold and I put up with NOBODY’S crap . Not men on the job ( truck drivers and loading dock workers ) OR A- hole supervisors as well .
It’s just I need to be smart and have documentation showing that it was self - defense ,and that THEY started the crap , not me .
All good . Two to three of those episodes - word got out .
I feel like an ass that I didn’t carry myself like this YEARS AGO .
But better late than never , right ?
So true. This goes for women tenfold. They won’t respect you unless they know you can always leave. Sadly, you have to make women feel dread. I wish it could be different, but these women are my name.
You can't leave in Christian marriage. The source for fear there is the displeasure of God and threat of hell - because unrepentant disobedience is proof of false faith
Good one. Rec use only
Proverbs 1:7 states “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” hmmm......
I also add that you need to get some muscles and look like you can fight. I was scrawny but once i started to workout i noticed women told me i was intimidating and i noticed that they would act much different around me.
No longer i would get teased for being too skinny but on the other hand, they kept looking at my bicepts.
Even having a workout session with them and them seeing how much stronger than you are in comparisson to them will leave them in awe.
Legendary user name. Conclusion, do not get married. Marriage is just the transfer of leverage, power and wealth from the man to the woman.
I love this story. I'm a small man, and people tended to mess with me, until I started giving them death glares that meant that they'd catch these hands if need be. It went down a lot. Some people who used to mess with me don't anymore...
What went down? Like you had fights? Or you mean them messing w you decreased?
@@johnanon658 Less people mess with me, and when they notice my stare, some who still mess with me give up on it.
Small people with big voice and big attitude can command much respect.
Just look like a psycho and they leave you alone…works every time!🙂
@@johnanon658 Let me be more precise. It's an understatement to say that I'm not an handsome man. Some man publicly called me "Hey handsome!", to my face, and in front of other women. He was probably trying to impress them.
At first, I had decided to ignore him...but I decided F*** it!
Next time he saw me, he wanted to say something, but I looked at him like I was ready to fight him -and I was- . A few decades ago, a man who disrespected a man was challenged to a duel. No one should be able to disrespect you and get away with you. You know it happened to me when I was a kid too.
Anyway...I gave him a mean look, and like the good coward he is, he caught my energy, shut up . He ignores me now.
Had he tried to humiliate me again publicly... I would have publicly humiliated him too...
If people think they can get away from messing with you, they will do it. I make them afraid to cross me now.
_”Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion." "Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"..."Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”_
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
"Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be" Leo Tolstoy
Strength, as in having some muscle, having a strong backbone by holding your ground in disagreements, exercising authority, and holding Frame. Orion has it right in his video here.
Or just the fortitude to leave if you don’t get the care/respect you need. No muscles needed, just that backbone.
You are absolutely correct@@justanothernick3984!
And 'familiarity breeds contempt.'
Literally has 'family' in it.
The problem with this is that sooner or later, people will choose to leave/avoid altogether the person that makes them fearful.
I grew up with a very strict dad - he loved us for sure - he worked 7 days a week to provide for the family, and he really built a very successful business because of this - but whenever we are around him, our anxiety levels just went thru the roof.
In our culture - it was EXPECTED that you took over the family business when you are of age - but because of his "fear me so you resepct me" approach, our relationship with him was very unhealthy - we respected him, feared him, but we also hated him (or at least hated the way he made us feel about ourselves) - eventually, NONE of his kids ended up working for him. And it was only when we stopped working for him - did our relationship really improve (now we want to see him for dinners, coffee, overseas travel, etc).
maybe fear is a really strong word for what should be presented. Maybe "Authority" is a better word and is different from fear. Authority does show competence and can lead to respect. I respect my boss and my professors who have authority when they are teaching me some material. I do not fear them but I do respect them. I agree if disrespect is rampant something has to change but the idea of fear is a bit too extreme, especially if you are trying to apply it to loved ones. Glad to see your relationship improved, god bless.
@@pcap8810 the title itself is clear. FEAR is the basis of respect. And we were afraid.
@@salvatoresanjuan8140yea you definitely got it wrong and pcap got it right. Your dad terrorized you and this is not what the video is about.
Orion is simply saying do not allow mistreatment from others and retaliate if necessary.
@@mynametrong5508 I guess there are just different interpretations for the video. When I saw the clip, that was how I interpreted it. Fear was what was used on us to gain respect.
@salvatoresanjuan8140 That is also the interpretation I got from the title of the video. Although watching it it seems less about fear itself and more about establishing some dominance, some "backbone" as other people call it which sounds reasonable. although what good is backbone from hissing if you cannot bite?
If I see a lion I am not scared that it roars at me if roaring or hissing is all it does, I am terrified when it chooses to charge me and inevitably eats me. Now in that scenario if I were to take my dad and he used violence to discipline me would I fear him? Yeah I would. Would I respect him? To be honest on a technical level yeah in the sense I would listen to him when he tells me what to do as many other people would.
If I feared my dad in that scenario I would respect him and be obedient, but would I love him? Would I care about his well being when he is no longer in a position to instill that fear? Would I be willing to risk death for him in any way? Possibly but the probability is really low and it shouldn't be a surprise if avoidance is the outcome of trying to force love from fear. Maybe the fear should be saved for those who deserve it (because whether we like it or not lions and other scary stuff exists so we as a people should learn to bite and not just hiss) and love for those who need it.
TLDR: Fear will get you respect, but probably not love from those you care about, don't be surprised people leave for good. Adjust fear and love accordingly and maybe thats the key.
A strong, decent man with the capacity to harm when unnecessarily provoked.
There is so much to unpack in this short presentation. I am so grateful to have heard this, because it reinforces how much I have allowed people to disrespect me over the course of my life. However, it has been the result of not respecting myself enough. As I work to improve self-respect, I find myself tolerating less disrespect from others. In other words, super omnia dignitate.
Having learned this concept some time ago I can tell you it makes life sooo much easier.
Once you've fully integrated this into you life/energy people will automatically intuit you're not to be messed with.
For me it's one of life's essential life hacks.
"Better to be feared than to be loved if one cannot be both" Niccolo Machiavelli
I have long held that we "respect" the people we would have cause to fear, were they not on our side.
I've caught a lot of flack for that position.
Mostly from people I could never fear.
it's probably worth mentioning that this principle mostly applies to relationships of apparent equality... where competition is a factor. Most people don't have a competitive relationship with grandma, because she isn't a threat to anything you are trying to claim for yourself. So, being treated kindly doesn't imply the kind of respect we're talking about here. Granny respect is offered because you value what she's done and who she is. Respect for your contemporaries is actually respect for boundaries.... which only happens when your declared boundaries are accompanied by a clearly visible defense system.
Not really. Grandams often look down and disrespect, openly or not, children/nieces they perceive as weak, dumb, or pushovers.
This guy drops truth bombs left right and center.
I think while fear is a good motivator, used to make sure people will think twice about hurting or disrespecting you, love is the better half. If we all loved, we would all have respect for each other. However, those that don't love you, will only answer to the other motivator.
Fantastic comment. Exactly.
Love is the path in an ideal world.😢 however, we do not live in an ideal world and sometimes strength and violence are the only language some people understand and respect.
Think this is too much make believe here...idk what kinda pink pill or whatever that is,its simply not working...unity is achieved in duality, duality is achieved in unity...the stride u make makes an imaginary straight line, but the actual footsteps are always slightly off center of the line= sin wave...u must have 2 sides 2 be it 1 coin
No Doc. People respect their Elders, Children Disabled etc ... despite having nothing to Fear from these people. Thats because People actually respect certain Qualities, Customs and Values.
I may Fear someone's temporary ability to hurt me in the ways you suggest ... that DOESNT mean I respect THEM ... indeed they have no respect for themselves or anyone if their power is exercised arbitrarily (not supported by good reasons, values etc.). If it was genuine respect for the person we wouldnt walk away calling them an assh*le...or sometimes looking forward to turning the tables onto them as soon as the opportunity presents. True respect would mean we're actually willing to cut people some slack because of their qualities or values that we also agreed with or understood. Fear is not Respect...its just Fear. Why has Fear got to become something else? Lots of people with low self-esteem confuse the two already ... it's a vicious reinforcing cycle.... the mistake that Egos make in trying to earn Self-Respect by attempting to control the environment and people around them....instead of controlling themselves. Ask any despot in history.
@@johntim3491 I think he means another kind of respect. He means the attitude of not doing something bad against someone. Of course real respect is based on love, not fear. He just meant something else.
Some examples:
Bigger stronger
Smarter and cunning
Professionally superior
Shaping group opinions
Controlling finding sources
Possessing somebody’s heart
Looking back on my life, my biggest regret is letting others disrespect me. Great way to discuss having appropriate boundaries.
This is interesting i personally feel that if i have fear towards a man i dont respect him i just avoid him. If i feel safe around a man and feel as if he could protect me if need be then i respect him
I think I've experienced this!!! I was once playing poker with a few friends. I folded on the River (last card of the round), and a friend asked me to show my hand. I refused, after which he turned my cards anyway without my permission. My adrenaline was racing and I felt my cheeks turn pale. I said in a low, soft voice that had that slight anger shake in it: "{friend's name}, if you ever do that again, I will never play with you again." I can still remember the tension in the room shooting up, and it being quiet for a moment. We carried on and after a few moments diffused the tension, but I can definitely remember that sensation of power in that moment. It was more effective than any shouting or fighting would've been. Nobody messed with my cards after that, and everyone was respectful! It felt great tbh. I've had it a few other times as well, but this was the first example that came to mind.
Switzerland did not stay safe because they control the money. Switzerland has an army of over 100K people on active duty at any given time plus over a million in reserve. That's a very strong army for a country of this size.
I've heard the snake story before. Love it.
One can never be too careful in the choice of ones enemies. Oscar Wilde
That is a pretty darned good parable
Depends on how evolved the other person is, if the other is evolved then the only requirement for respect is love and fear is just an element, but if the other is not evoled then fear is definitely the foundation required for respect.
True
I totally agree with your statement. Although, if I may, I think the more accurate word is reasonable. When you are engaged in any form of conflict with another person, a solution can only be achieved if both parties are being respectful and reasonable. Similarly, in an argument, you will never be able to come to an agreement with a completely uncompromising and unreasonable person.
exactly
Fear and respect are two different things. Sometimes it takes fear to be respected, sometimes it doesn't.
I've often pondered the relationship between fear and respect, especially as a business owner managing numerous staff.
In my view, pure fear is detrimental, stemming primarily from unpredictability. This creates a situation where people are unsure how to prevent negative outcomes, much like avoiding a bite in a metaphorical sense.
Respect, on the other hand, emerges from an understanding that while there's potential for a 'bite', there's also clear knowledge on how to avoid it. This could be described as 'predictable aggression'.
If staff or loved ones are uncertain about how to steer clear of your anger, it veers towards tyranny. However, if you're known to be strict yet equitable, that's where respect is cultivated.
The maxim “An armed society is a polite society” comes to mind.
Robert A. Heinlein
Fear- not of harm but of causing displeasure to the object. If she isn't afraid of you being unhappy with her, she doesn't respect you and doesn't love you
In the atomic world and even in biology...Fear is not the basis of respect. It's our direct energetic connection. I love all of your material sir. But as a theoretical physicist and an evolutionary socioligist, there's one more layer to go here.❤😊
"If you keep the commandments, there will be blessings, if you don't, there will be curses" and look at our world today.
This is especially valuable advice for new teachers like myself when it comes to behaviour management in classrooms
This is so right on, and the root cause of most of my problems in life. It's why I was susceptible to joining a cult and spending years of my life in it. Cults most definitely work on the principle of fear, and learned helplessness, just as much as in any toxic marriage.
I agree with this and have seen it first hand with a group of men going through divorce. They forgot to fear the power women have been granted through the legal system and have ended up essentially totally stripped of their assets,some have lost their jobs because they were in so much emotional distress and almost all have lost access to their children. It’s really sad, but some guys severely underestimate women.
I have a separate opinion.
Respect can stem from fear as well as admiration.
I respect my father with a bit of fear towards him. But my respect for my sister is due to my admiration for her.
And I feel if you admire someone, respect automatically follows.
By the way, I got to introspection only after watching your video. I really want to thank you Orion.
"It is better to be feared than to be loved, if one cannot be both."
- Niccolò Machiavelli
Shid, this explains so much. I try to explain to people this concept that when I learned to hiss ( I didnt have the terminology) that people stopped disrespecting me. However some people are scared of themselves because they are like the Snake they bite to kill and they only save that for people who push them past their threshold. Which is correct but like you said if people are angry in life they pick a "safe" target a needy doormat that will do anything to be "liked" even take emotional, self worth, self esteem attacks that are vicious and uncalled for. Just to stay around... Very good content.. Tip Jar time.
Women would normally not have much power over their husband until the marriage contract puts the lion’s paw of the state in the woman’s favor. Men need to be very careful about marriage.
Which is why your chance of reversing those changes is very small. One we are accustomed to having any power we won’t give it up easily.
Hello Orion
I am 63, A retired veteran and you are correct that people need to hear you hiss - in order for them to not only fear you but I always do it in a way that guarantees me that they always go the other direction and I do this with my stare, the look on my face, my voice, my attitude, my body language and my authenticity - which all say the same thing, - screw with me and I will kill you and not think twice about what you have brought upon yourself.
Also I noticed in this video that you happened to leave out a specific group of us men who have never followed societies norms but have always walked the life of our journey alone and with the red pill philosophy and we are the lone wolves and I do not disagree with you on what you said.
I was married once for 15 year, but 18 years ago Cancer and Death finished that. Since then I have again lived life as a lone wolf - just as I did from the age of 10 to the age of 30 in my life, I watched observed and went my own way.
I am not anti women but I am anti-feminist but looking at todays society, I refuse to engage with the number of delusional, irrational, misguided ideologies of narcissisms that I see in many people and they show it easily when in a first contact with people - men or women.
One thing I will never do is allow anyone to interfere with my independence, solitude, unpredictability, standards, morals, ethics or values. By the way I am just an average sigma infj empath and a Gemini man who has built a comfortable life for myself that i will not endanger what I have built.
You are right - enlightenment if you start don't stop; I have been in hermit mode for the last 18 years but I am now looking again at re-involving myself on the edges of society and observing and watching.
My point is - the red pill is what we wolves have always been in society.
Thank You
Dennis Demars
From one retired veteran to another, thankyou for your service.
I Thank You for your service@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt
True to resoect God is to love him.
This is much needed in modern day era. Explorinng masculinity is a goldmine. I had no father figure so I explore this now through interactions and videos like this. Feminine ways of operating have taken too much attention. I love your work.
So true. This is why fathers are so needed. To put the fear of god in kids.
I remember as a kid I stayed with my uncles family.
Me and my cousins would cause a ruckus at bedtime. Our grandmother would try to get us to quiet down and go to bed. My aunt would too. Sometimes even hitting us (deservedly. We could be monsters). But we never listened. It would take my uncle saying something for us to quiet down. We would. Immediately. He never raised his hand at us. Not even his voice. We just knew better. And our response was immediate. Respect.
Awesome. Nothing but the truth. But would rather state that the one thing people fear and thereby show respect is power.
Very well said. Throughout my career, I presented myself as harmless until I couldn’t anymore.
For me my “hiss” was in my relentless negotiating skills and willingness to walk away.
My leverage was my track record of providing high quality performances that are nearly impossible to replicate.
Actual hissing or growling tends to turn the crowd against me.
But if ever certain boundaries of respect are crossed, whether on me or someone innocent and less powerful, I have a death stare that has stopped people in their tracks. I can & have backed it up. I never flex, and I never back down.
My body has some minor scars, but my backbone is still solid near retirement.
My Last throw down with more than one person was in my 50s against two punks at a rest stop gas station. Maybe half my age. Blocked and restrained them, cops picked them as the perps.
I couldn’t afford getting my jeep tossed, so I had to use restraint. But I would rather die fighting than live afraid. No regrets (outside of relationships - I missed the true value a couple of times.). But I am glad that I became a bit of a bad boy.
I learn who my true friends & acquaintances are easily Ditto my adverseraries and the NPCs. easily.
Often just my focused intense stare will alter tbings for the better. But I have and will continue to deal with any problems I meet.
Once morewith feeling: F ALL chomos.
NOTHING that gets done is anywhere near as bad as what they have done to children for life.
But I am proud of my father RIP after he found out, he told me that he & his hunting buddy. the sherriff,fixed it so he would never be able to hurt me again. Not the only time I saw him be the standup guy in a situation.
I know that I am rambling but it is all true.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks I say you are on the side of the angels on this one.
Thanks!
Thanks for the episode. I needed this.
Amazingly put
I've spent a great deal of time on a LOT of psychology channels. There is are some quality channels out there, and this one is easily among the very best. Great channel. Awesome info
I was a skinny, wiry kid growing up...numerous neighborhood/school bullies 'tried' to bully me...but only once.
Reason? I never backed down or acted intimidated and always fought back...I was hard rocks, and was then left alone.
No parental involvement. No teacher involvement.
" We are ALWAYS treated EXACTLY the way we allow others to treat us ", was what my dear Father taught us as children from a very tender age. RESPECT.
Seriously needed to hear this
Wonderful ❤️ Thank You ❤️
Thank you Dr. 🙏
This advice is gold, thanks Orion
Thanks for all the advice, it has been much needed in my life
Powerful analogy!
Excellent video. Message well stated!
so much truth here . thank you
this is very true. well said.
Outstanding episode. Very informative. Thank you, Orion.
this is a gem
Good point!
Thank you so much ❤
As a man, this is a lesson I learned too late... This advice is gold to young men.
This is powerful!!!!
Sixty y.o. now and I wish I had had a mentor and been taught this lesson as a kid, it would have saved me a life time of disrespect as I woke up late to that knowledge.
Fear it's only the basis of respect towards evil, but real respect comes out of love!!!! I repeat, respect comes out of love!!!! Respect is a byproduct of LOVE!
Fully agree..
Love doesnt work with evil people. Only fear keeps them in line. Criminals on the street who look dangerous are the least to be attacked by criminals
This was a beautiful episode. I really enjoyed this lesson.
Great stuff. Very wise and eloquently put. Happy to subscribe.
I so needed this. ❤
Amazing reflection
As always....one of the best channels on this platform. Thank you Dr.
Happy holidays Dr Orion, keep up the awesome content
Thanks. I love the content
Thank you.
As a Hindu, we have saying - क्षमा शोभते उस भुजंग को, जिसके पास गरल हो!
The Forgiveness only adorns the Serpent which have Venom!
Gandhi misunderstood concept of Ahimsa i.e Non-Violence and became completely Pacifist, costing us a lot!
True indeed!
Very true
Always interesting perspectives
Wow! Profound reasoning. I really appreciate this.
Great video! Excellent advice and nice parable.
Great one Orion! *hisssss!!!* 🐍
As an MMA fighter, I can share with you that 90% of people would rather not engage in conflict with me. They know Im not someone that would hit people left and right, but they know I am capable of.
another great video, i learn so much thanks a bunch
Thanks! This is great material- and well delivered. What a great way to start the New Year!
I’m taking notes..
Thank you.
Brilliant stuff. Will share with a friend who needs it.
This is the way we all learn respect, especially from parents who enforce obedience through fear. But I would mainly call it "fear of consequence".
True respect is born of understanding, when you have full power to inflict harm on someone but don't because you simply understand what kind of pain you might be inflicting.
And polite society has a huge lack of real respect, people just behave nice because of fear.
The moment that fear is lifted we quickly get the most vicious/conniving outbursts from people you would never expect, this is probably the whole underbelly of cancel culture.
This advice, right here, is the root of many evils. If you are a young person, please understand that this is a childish interpretation of what respect (in all it's many forms) is. Fear is NOT a long term viable method for earning respect. Long term respect stems from humility, understanding, and personal growth.
Humility is being humble. It is an act of contrition. You must accept that you don't know everything, and are open and willing to learn from other people - from their triumphs, and most importantly, their mistakes. You listen to their stories and share your own. This communication is a way to bond, but you must be willing to LISTEN. You need patience to do this, as many other people don't know how to do this well, and may 'run over' your opinions - leaving you FEELING disrespected. But this is just a feeling, and probably not the reality.
This brings us to understanding. As you get older you will more effectively understand why some people are incapable of being humble and communicating w you in a 'respectful' manner. Maybe they're afraid. Maybe no one's listened to them before. Maybe they're overcompensating for some pain in their past. But you won't know unless you humble yourself and listen. In the process of listening, you may learn some things about yourself and your past. This learning curve is also the basis for the next key to a mature 'earning' of respect: personal growth.
As you learn about others and yourself in the course of humbly listening, sharing, and reflecting - you will come to some logical conclusions about what you want in your life. About what types of people and circumstances you can accept, and things you won't accept. HONOR your well earned conclusions, and don't accept people in your life who won't respect those conclusions or boundaries. Set those boundaries and stick w them. People will respect them, and you, because you are firm in your opinion. They know you will slowly remove them from your circle if they violate your boundaries. This isn't fear on their part (you aren't attacking), this is genuine respect and admiration of the confidence you will exude as a byproduct of your humility, understanding, and personal growth. It's a journey, but worth the effort. This long-term form of repect evolves from genuine affection, and definitely NOT fear.
There's no need for 'hissing' when you live your hard-learned truths. Your actions will speak for themselves, and you will have the respect you've earned.
Spot-on!