How women TRAIN men to be ANGRY: don't reward what you don't want
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- čas přidán 21. 01. 2024
- Most women find male anger terrifying -- which is why it is both tragic and ironic that they often play a part in encouraging it in their primary relationships. In effect, women inadvertently train men to be angry when they ignore, disrespect, or invalidate men who first attempt to communicate non-aggressively. If women only take men's complaints seriously when they escalate to aggression, then they reward men for aggressiveness, making it more likely that aggression will be utilized in the future. I discuss this phenomenon using an example from my own dating history.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
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Most women find male anger terrifying -- which is why it is both tragic and ironic that they often play a part in encouraging it in their primary relationships. In effect, women inadvertently train men to be angry when they ignore, disrespect, or invalidate men who first attempt to communicate non-aggressively. If women only take men's complaints seriously when they escalate to aggression, then they reward men for aggressiveness, making it more likely that aggression will be utilized in the future. I discuss this phenomenon using an example from my own dating history.
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oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
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I have to say that
to focus on male aggression is a very overplayed and corny thing when women commit most of the DV.
Women are more aggressive in sexual relationships.
Not men.
This video in isolation isn't bad.
But the fact that there are no videos detailing female relational aggression that becomes violent is a sad and terrible thing.
Did it cross your mind that many women LIKE aggressive men?
Never is a powerful word & attraction is relative and resource dependent.
Your chain of reasoning has some weak links imho.
@@paccawacca4069 The low frequency below the radar, on going mental violence many women use towards men, often far more damaging than physical violence. Why is this never mentioned? Domestic violence always assumes its the men.
Dr. Taraban, where do you get the art or template for your video stills?
The absolute irony of this is that after you get to a point where you had to raise your voice, the issue becomes not what you’re saying, but how you were saying it, so they then ignore the issue and focus on the provoked, outrageous, overshadowing that lets them off the hook.
100% correct. Really the only thing you can do with women is pull back or walk away.
Men need to learn to turn their back and walk away...
there is nothing complicated behind it
she dismisses you when you ask calmly
she dismisses you when you ask not so calmly
she sees you as a puppet
@@Woofreestyle Pull back? Why? If a woman doesn’t listen to you after you tell her to change her behavior once or twice. There is no need to pull back. You should just move on. This applies specifically for a long-term relationship or marriage. If you want to lead your relationship as the man, her listening to your instructions and following your lead is key.
It's why you gotta be in control of your anger and be willing to walk away.
Emotional manipulation is their number one weapon . Just give them silence it drives them crazy
Exactly.
This is so true for women with an anxious attachment style. Silence drives them crazy. But drama, chaos and toxicity makes them feel alive and loved. Sick but true.
How ironic men love silence aka peace lol
I Prefer silence over getting screamed at, unless it’s to the point of days or weeks of silence repeatedly that’s manipulation.
fighting fire with fire, or ice with ice isn't going to fix anything. Either quit the relationship or take the Golden Path and lead her sacrificially and generously
You hit the nail on the head there. 20 yrs of marriage and i should have left yrs ago. I am a shell of my former self. I was a happy go lucky funny comedic guy. Now i find myself blowing up over nothing. Angry at nothing. Just bitter. Now i know why. I have lost myself. No longer. Thank you.
You can do it !!! 👍 , accept what happened and look information about that , here you can find channels which talk about narcissism , by the way you describe it looks like that 👍👍👍
I am on the. Ledge , I know exactly how you feel but don’t give up, you deserve better.
You deserve peace of mind
So do I 🥲
I can relate
❤️
you and me both brother. I used to be a real prankster, the funniest guy around, had a dark and dry sense of humor. Used to enjoy life, enjoy everything...ten years of asking my wife to brush her teeth and wash her face (she had horrible hygeine...not a single therapist would help) made me hate her. She never got it. She still doesn't. Somehow I still love her but I hate my life and literally posses a fraction of the pride and self-respect that I used to.
I was perfectly identifying with your story right up to "and then she changed her behavior".
Lmaaaooo bro
😆
That means it's time to leave, bruthah!
😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Brilliant video. I’d like to add: the message in this video is one reason why many successful, ambitious men choose to NOT live with a woman or get married. If she pushes your buttons, you can (and should) just leave and not look back.
Also, I have seen 100’s of domestic violence cases in my career. In some cases, the woman will trigger the guy, and instead of leaving, he makes a bad decision by continuing to engage her in a heated argument. Guys, if you get a whiff of this kind of behavior from a woman, calmly walk away from the relationship. It almost never ends well.
Great advice.
The problem is that she just does the same to the next and next and next guy on and on. She is a false accuser that is all.
I experienced this, got disrespected, she would create drama constantly. I went from a calm person, to getting really frustrated and a couple of times angry.. this was my cue to get the hell out.
Thanks for the advice.
This is good advice
I'm reminded here of an old "Farm Boy" bit of wisdom: "Never wrestle with a pig - you can't win, and after a while, you figure out that the pig is enjoying it.."
Damn, that farm boy knew something… 👍🏽
Damn, spot on!
There’s a lot of “old wisdom” for example, when the author spoke about how he was a good communicator but couldn’t get her to understand. A fine example of “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”
Are you saying that women are pigs?
Dang. Great metaphor.
I am so happy to see more intelligent criticism of female behavior in these modern days
I went through all three of these phases in order. Anger, internal collapse, and finally gathered the last bit of self respect I had to pull the plug. For the longest time I thought I was the only one going through this and in less than 10 minutes I heard everything I've been going through in the last 2 years explained perfectly. Good luck out there fellas
THis isn't a one sided thing. Men do this too.
@@marysmith4811 cool
What I love is that they get you to the point where you do have to raise your voice and then they act like you are some type of abuser. They try to make you believe you are a bad person because you got upset.
That's call "gaslighting"
That’s called gaslighting
@HandlezX3Yes and with the cake they are succeeding.
People like that should be avoided at all costs. There's nothing wrong with being mad as long as it doesn't go to far.
Thank you guys, I finally understand the word now. I didn't before.
I knew a therapist that jokingly told me that “all battered women have one thing in common, they don’t know when to shut up”
It's messed up that I laughed at that. Truthfully most battered woman are also violent with their partners, they just don't leave a mark. It's usually a mutually abusive relationship.
@@brendanthompson2082 By the way if I may add to what you said, when traced, you'll discover that the abuse actually started with them testing the boundaries through emotional manipulation. This is supported by research on IPVs.
They are women who didn't receive corporal punishment when they were children, so they still need it when they are adults. Except it is illegal to administer it to an adult.
Why do some women leave a relationship where they were hit, only to end up in another relationship where they are hit again?
Because they won't shut up.
What the heck? What do you mean by "corporal punishment"?@@ericjames7819
I had internal thoughts of leaving my previous relationship fairly early on. My parents who were married for 31 years divorced just before I got into the relationship in question. I didn’t want to be like my father and abandon the woman I had committed to. I had thought of leaving within the first year but I stuck it out for four and half years. She was very dismissive and invalidated my feelings every time I expressed them. I became an alcoholic and husk of my former self. I fell down some stairs and injured myself. I tried to quit drinking but weakness got the best of me. She left went she caught me drinking again. She blamed everything on me and told me to go to rehab. She said we can reassess the relationship once I had done that but she needed no contact for the time being. She completely blocked me and it destroyed me for a while. I realize now I am a victim of emotional abuse. I am over a year sober and doing very well.
This video was very helpful thank you!
I wish I have seen this 5 years ago.
I collapsed, then rebuild and left. 13 years down the drain, most of it spent frustrated and hurt. At least I learned what a narcis is.
"Fighting a woman isn't worth it for a man because there's no way he can win" hit the nail right in the head.
What do you say to other women with 2 black eyes? Nothing she’s s already been told twice
As a man you can never be right in a dispute with a woman. Even if you are in the right, your in the wrong. Most women don't respect a man who won't stand up for himself. They see you as weak and that turns them off. They tend to be turned on by aggressive men but then they cry abuse if they end up on the receiving end of the aggression. Its impossible to find a middle ground where your just as passive as necessary while being just as aggressive as necessary because women pick up on every little thing. Any passivity at all is taken as weakness and any aggression at all is taken as abuse. You can not come out of a situation like that without being labeled either weak and not worthy of respect or abusive and therefore only worthy of jail. You can not win.
@@sergesavard636😂😂😂
That applies to narcissistic women.
@@ryaneiler1422 It's unfortunate but true. We live in a culture of victim mentality.
If Doc as a Therapist can't get through, we normal guys have no chance haha
LMAO. Facts
Best to keep away from the doom and gloom mindset, he did have to yell but did get through.
😂😂😂
There's some people beyond saving
That just only proves that he made a mistake on that woman, as the onus is on HER to have the capacity to understand what is being told to her, whether it's smart or not. Psychotherapists and psychologists are not responsible for the mental capacity of others.
My marriage got ruined in the exactly same manner as you described. She wouldn't listen anything I said. With time I got angrier and angrier and finally snapped. Then she started victimising herself and finally left me. Now I'm at peace again and not thinking of giving it up any time soon. Frankly, I think I've become a little misogynist... and think I just don't care about having a relationship any more. I'm also almost 54 now and tired. Tired of fighting and female drama. Doing what I enjoy the most - music, and trying to put my mental and physical health in order.
Jesus can give your rest. (Not religion). Feel for you brother it’s all too common. Take care friend ☺️
15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;
16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand.
17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:15-17
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
👍😊🙏📖❤️💪💥
Sounds like a sane and sober plan
Misogynist checking... i kepty trying to teach them but theyre brains have been ruined by their fathers or lack thereof
My mother is just like that, but I never even realized it. I was so calm before but unbeknownst to me I became much more irritable and constantly have a deep desire for violence. Now that I look back this is exactly what happened😢
A lot of women are like that, because if you are calm and collected, they think you're not being serious.
Cuz most are stupid and immature; they never had to be anything more!
That’s how you act when everything get handed to you cuz you got a 🐱
It's a lot of women? Women with weaker personality men.. Men that aren't men but boys.. Men that are grown boys.. they never were validated as kids. Mommy did Everting for them or they were soft with sisters.. or soft and coddled. U don't have to be a soft weak man to be assertive . Men can be kind and assertive from get go.. not.. let me repeat myself 1000 times and pick dominating women or women out of my league.. it goes both ways. This guy is doing a great disservice to humanity with the story of men get the way they do because of women... women get loud as well if they aren't heard. Except women in general absorb most ppls emotion. Estrogen isn't pleasing hormone. But your dragon testosterone or your outbursts of tiny testosterone aren't better
No, if you are calm and collected they assume you are weak
@@IvoKevin Potato potatoe, either way they are wrong.
I divorced my first wife precisely because of this. She would always argue with me after I arrived home from work, she couldn't wait even 5 minutes, as soon as I came in the door she's at me screaming and making accusations, demanding things, telling me how I failed at this or that, everyone else's husband was better than me. Unrelenting. I told her one day after having a verbal fight if she didn't stop this I would leave, of course she had to test that boundary too, and just amped it up. I divorced her soon after. Cost a bomb and I lost everything, including contact with my kids, but that was 10 years ago now, since then I've had 10 years of peace, quiet and happiness with my new wife.
SEE 😂 GOOD STUFF
She was cheating and wanted out and got all your kids and money you got bamboozled 😂
VERY ENCOURAGING !
The fact that you got married again after losing the things you worked hard for after the wrong doings of your first wife is beyond me, but glad that gamble worked out for you man.
@@scratchingwithantlove840Well I'd say he got the better end of the deal. Not living with such a woman is anytime better.
In ancient China there was a fierce and skilled general called Lu Bu, he was an expert of the halberd,swift and terrible,he called the Flying General. It was said " among the men,Lu Bu (is the greatest),among the horses,Red Hare (his). Still,his opponents,knowning they couldn't defeat him in combat,decided to use tactics. They offered him the hand of the beautiful Diaochan,and leveraged that to turn him against his master and allies. Once alone again,Lu Bu was beheaded,and his prized horse taken. So it is said "even great heroes lose against Diaochan"
To win against women,you cannot be Lu Bu,you gotta be Vainamoinen
Tell us about this V guy
@@TheDoctornaut oh,the last phrase is more of figure of speech on my part.
Vainamoinen was the legendary leader of finnish people, born already old,and with a powerful enchanting voice, he was a bard and a poet. He could sing his rival into a bog,and sing a boat out of nothing for himself, he was able to charm beasts and men alike,bring them to tears or laughter,and to have reason even against the mounstrous witch Louhi,who reneged their accord.
What i meant was, women are not something to be defeated. The skills a man is proud of are useless against a woman,hardness loses to softness, a warrior is helpless against something he cannot cut.
Even if you were to succeed,it would bring you no benefits.
Women are meant to be sung on your side ,to be whispered into being yours, to make them see you as what they always wanted. They want to be sung a beautiful lie,so that they can be as beautiful themselves.
They want to be fooled,by someone skilled enough to make them think it was their own idea all along.
Abeles Kobeles,truly.
@@junichiroyamashita fascinating, thank you
@@junichiroyamashita this is deep
@@junichiroyamashitaif it so happens you need to defeat a woman you can win against women by yielding and bending more than the woman. The woman's weapon is male pride.
"Use it (the Tao) it will never fail."
Chapter 6
"Opening and closing the gates of heaven,
Can you play the role of woman?"
"Yield and overcome
Bend and be straight
Empty and be full
(...)
They do not quarrel
So no one quarrels with them."
Tao Te Ching chapter 22
"He has not experienced the union of man and woman but is whole
His manhood is strong"
Or else I do believe in the Holy Mother's aid, the perfect sinless woman, Saint Mary.
"Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death." Amen.
I'm a woman, and I used to have this same mindset of using so many words and tactics to "get my point across" to get people to change their minds and behaviors. And when it didn't work, I would resort to anger and aggression. And then I would feel like a monster, and be racked with guilt. Like you, I would just end the relationship because I didn't want to live like that. As I have gotten older, I realized that I was too much in my head. I held an unrealistic expectation, although at those times, I really believed them to be reasonable. Over the past few years, I realized that the more I let things slide and just try to understand the behavior of the other person, I don't get so angry.
So true...
I can relate except I don’t feel guilty for my reaction. There’s too many people that would just walk all over me if I didn’t get my point across. It’s society that is sick, not me.
I relate to this perfectly
The difference is that men are supposed to lead and women are supposed to follow.
Hi all!
Thank you Dr Orion.
My partner brought this video to my attention, as he has been trying to convey this message countless times. He has become angry and shut down, and often I’m unsure why he is so reactive to things I perceive as minor, or that i believed had already to be worked through. My dads the same.
And that, all of this makes me feel dreadfully sad.
I don’t want my partner to leave, and I don’t want this anger to be my young children’s norm. I feel unloved and a lot of the time my character is assasinated.
I am robbed of energy and vitality. I was once confident and happy every day.
I have read the comments and listened 3x over to your talk.
Thank you for sharing your raw experiences everyone.
But… I’m starting to come to the realization that I’m that woman that has driven my lovely man to what he is experiencing.
And he is ready and willing to exit.
I try to quieten him or divert his attention, or quickly add where he might be harsh or outright verbally abusive to bring his attention to the matter with the assumption he’ll see it’s off or damaging and stop to his outburst. He will then feel ignored and disrespected even though he’s swearing and speaking poorly to us. It then escalates, and becomes emotional irrational and he drags the past into it. And threatens to leave on an emotional outburst. All in earshot of our daughters.
It’s terrible.
His biggest complaint is that he’s not heard.
I need your help to understand more. What can I do to turn this around and have my man feel like he has the space to be himself. A place where he can build himself back up, and trust that things can improve, and it’s not too late.
I want to teach my young impressionable daughter and toddler how to respect men. But how do you respect when this upset is present.
When words don't work, use the silence of your absence.
There it is, Silence and Absence!
Guess what: They'd still call it abuse and label you an abuser, an emotional manipulator, etc...Either way: "You can't win"! Lol!
Turn off the utilities before you leave and give 'em another reason.@@beebee_0136
@@beebee_0136Of course you can.. leave to do any kind of charity and make sure people notice.
After that whatever she says is worthless for the consensus and she has to take the L as their personality get defined by public perception.
@@absolutium Hmmm I like this, reminds me of Will Smith's approach to Jada Pinketts drama and need for public attention. Lol!
“Express anger, collapse internally, leave.” I went through all this and the ‘collapse internally’ phase literally almost killed me. After I separated it became clear she consciously knew all along what she was doing with her behavior. It wasn’t subconscious at all. It was how she had learned to manipulate people including the intentional emotional abuse. Her repeatedly pretending she didn’t understand was just gaslighting, compounding my sense of wtf is going on. Men, brothers, if you are experiencing this from a woman, leave, get out, walk away, the sooner the better. Set a firm boundary on what is acceptable and if that boundary is not respected, leave. Seek help from other men and professionals to make the tough transition. Despite the amazing experiences I’ve had on my road to recovery, which will last a lifetime, I will always wonder about the life I would have had if I had had this much-needed advice then,.
You've just explained my girlfriend
Same here brother. Luckily i am well last that part of my life but I am endlessly fascinated with videos like these which really break down what was happening in simple clear terms that I just didn’t understand at the time. If I have a son and maybe even if I have a daughter (wife just got preggo), he/she will be watching much of this channel and several others
I did too.
I wish I knew this when I was younger. Would’ve saved a whole lot of heart break and just time wasted with the wrong person.
@@BthereorBsquared same here
perfect info. i was married twice. when it got abusive, ijust moved on. single and dating at 76 and happy.
Holy shit man,it's late at night and I'm just listening to your playlist and this episode has provoked an absolute breakthrough in my own psychology! I've literally done the wrong things with the right gals. When I spot easy prey,my game turns on and all discouragement dissipates,however with girls whom I actually care about getting with ,I tend to stutter and mumble... excellent work doctor! I literally can't believe how much of my daily doubts and sadness is directly linked to a form of cowardice that I had never been able to identify as being cowardice. I've been to prison and will fight with the toughest of characters and it doesn't bother me, but when confronted with certain circumstances, I am a complete and total coward and I can't express how happy I am to finally acknowledge this, because now I can take action and I know this will change my whole life, absolutely incredible man!
This is a perfect video for people dealing with narcissists. You either comply with the BS becoming a shell of your former self or you run as fast as possible!
Narcissistic females love bomb and are seemingly agreeable. Till they have you hooked with kids and can drop the act. Sadly, I now realize that twenty years were wasted for the kids. It was hell for everyone. Don't stay for the kids with a crazy woman, it just gets sicker.
All women
The third option is becoming a bigger monster than them, which I am not recommending. If you become a shell, they point to that and leave. If you become a monster, they point to that and leave. So yeah, just exit at that point.
Wife moved out literally yesterday, and at times really pushed me to the brink of a mental breakdown. So fucking happy she's out
Ball is now in your court @@HumbleHonkingEnthusiast . We are counting on you to take good care of your health and mind...lead a calm and productive 2024.
Men:
Women DO NOT care.
End of message.
Exactly.
Pretty much. Women know they're full of shii. They absolutely do. They simply do not care. The very women in my own family tell me so.
Thats what i am doing walking away
Yes. Hundred percent self-serving
*results will vary from guy to guy on this.
I have never heard a pleasant guy that actually offers dating value say outrageous blanket statements like this.
I have however, heard 100 undesirable guys hammer this kind of talk down
I’m not sharing your experience. My buddies aren’t sharing your experience. What if it’s you? Honestly?
If you don’t like what she does, find another one. It’s pretty easy.
I experienced exactly what is described in the video in my first marriage (I haven't tied the knot again just yet, though am on my way to). For 13yrs, I communicated my feelings and concerns and was steamrolled and ignored the entire time. It eventually made me withdraw and become exceptionally resentful, until I finally felt like I had no other option and raised my voice and drew a final line. Her solution? Divorce. I learned from that experience and will never allow any partner to do that to me again. Thank you for the video! I'm sure it'll help many people.
I’ve seen fellas ask nicely for years, even decades, for small simple respects.
This one was scary accurate.
Say nothing and lose yourself.
Argue and lose argument because you cannot win.
Leave.
Or to do the exact opposite of the mans point of view even if he was warning her not to back up into the street a truck is coming
I've fallen into this trap. It's awful. I'll never do it again. I'm also a very good communicator. My message was twisted and turned and thrown back at me. Eventually she recorded my emotional breakdown and used it against me. It's tragic.
wtf!
That's fucked up. 😭
she's a psycho
Sounds like a narcissist
Oh yes. They love the recording. Let the girlfriends listen in. Love the drama. Can't get enough.
I am a Turkish guy and I'm amazed how well Google subtitle translation works in this video. it does not only translate entire sentences, it also gives the translation of each word at the best place. the language structure of Turkish and English languages are different, so when you translate the sentence the order of verb, subject and object changes entirely. but automated translation still gives words in perfect coherence with video, so the viewer can keep focus.
Ok good. And what did you think of the video as a Turkish man?
Inadvertently, this video helped me digest the idea that: if it is painfully difficult to be heard (let alone begin problem solving), then I can simply leave and shortcut all the anguish. I've spent too much time on self development to entertain this form of toxicity. Someone better deserves me, or I deserve the peace of being alone.
In my own experience women either like to see you angry and aggressive because they find that version of you attractive or they are sh*t testing you and want to find out just how much patience you have. Regardless of their reasons for being difficult it is extremely unattractive and physically taxing to be in a relationship with someone aggravating…
It also demonstrates that she matters to you. Twisted.
Some women do that so they can then take the argument to bed. They often do this when they know they are being unreasonable and have no chance of winning so they offer edgy s*x as a way of deescalating and appeasing without being seen as losing or retreating. I've always hated this tactic and never let it happen.
Some people seek anger and excitement more than peace & happiness.
@@macc1370 It could be reflective of their early life and thus has a measure of comfort to it.
that is a damaged woman, she should go to therapy, and that is why you should abandon her, and before you do so, hire a lawyer and do the break up in their office with cameras recording the whole deal. So she can’t say shit that went violent or something.
Imagine paying and investing resources in women that are training you to be angry and to leave you after 3 years of marriage with half of your stuff.
And to then use your anger as the reason to leave you.
MGTOW is the only rational position
Dang.
And start calling you a manipulator just like the other men they dealt with in the past.
I don’t have to imagine, I did it for twenty years 🫤
And then one day, you finally reach the point where you realize you not only cannot fix them, but you genuinely do not care anymore, and you move on with your life of cultivating self-knowledge and wisdom with the goal of supreme peace. And that is the first day of your transcendent freedom.
Amazingly correct and true in every sense! Thank you! 8 years is more than enough, and all because children were in the equation... But at some point you have to draw the line and save yourself and whatever is left of yourself.
I think this video just gave me closure to a 40 year relationship that ended last year. She would not stop reckless spending no mater how many times I asked her to. I shut down inside. Lost my self esteem. Became resentful and she left me for someone else. Now I know that I'm not the one to blame for everything. Thank you.
I wish you a fast recovery sir.
40 years , wow !
Thank you. @@istanbulmuskisi5705
We all have the same story... I just can't believe that society was able to run this hustle for so long before we found out...
I wish you all the best brother.
This is why it is of paramount importance to develop the ability to walk away at any time.
no marriage until the courts change how they treat men
Some women won't let you walk away. Or have figured out how to intercept, especially after you've done it before. This is another issue. I call it "leaving it alone." Women will scream if a man, a stranger, or their own child, pulls their hair over and over. They will shout "leave it." However when women are told to leave it. It's worse than "relax." And as other people echoed here, the fact that this isn't even 100% conscious behavior is more concerning.
@@Direwarlord213 you STILL CAN walk away
The ability to walk away comes from never emotionally investing. So relationships come down to being a pointless endeavor.
No emotions means the other person can't manipulate you. No emotions means you have no relationship with that person. So why bother? I'm done with relationships because I'm done becoming what another person desires and I have no desire to force someone else to become someone they don't want to be.
Sometimes it's not as easy as just "walk away" when kids are involved. You might risk leaving leaving your kids at her mercy, without you present at all for half or more of their life until adulthood. That said, I agree with you 100%.
The only problem I have with this video is that it speaks to WOMEN on how to improve, and women by default cannot understand or be reasoned with.
The focus on the video should therefore help MEN to take the correct steps when faced with it. Which you indeed pointed out, but more like a side note than the main focus.
Now i undertand why i don't talk to my sister and my mother. Insaid me I thought i was the problem.
The only thing some women understand is silence. Take your attention away is the only way to get your point across. You do this early not later in a relationship.
Do that enough and she will seek attention elsewhere, you can't win that battle.
@@longsword1969Correct. The moment she feels she's being ignored or not getting enough attention or free energy from you, she's off to pick one of her orbiters to give her attention instead.
@@kimilsungthefirst6840maybe you are better PFF without her, but you will PROBABLY (but not necessarily) come across that in every single woman you meet. People have their needs and for women it is attention. You have to make a call as to whether you are willing to deal with that problem and come up with some strategies to deal with it so you can have a relationship with a woman, or whether you limit yourself to only casual relationships with women (but they will want commitment at some point, so you will still have to deal with it 😂)
indeed. Thats her free pass to cheating and will be supported or even encouraged by her unmarried girlfriends!@@longsword1969
@@longsword1969 That's the idea I want her to keep being thick headed it let's me know it's time to fire and look for a new hire. Remember Ryan said fire fast hire slow. If she can't respond to the way you do things hurts your ROI find a better employee.
This is the main reason why I'm 42, no kids, never been married and currently single. I dealt with this exact same thing in almost EVERY SINGLE relationship. They will push you until you break. Once you break Your aggressive tone that SHE has pushed you too becomes the core problem now. There is no way around it but to walk away and move on.
Well done you.
I'm is a very similar situation - but I'm 67 ! Stay your course, steady as she goes..
@@gary6449It gets worse as you age, noted lol. Good luck out there! Lone Wolf life💪
Same here. Better alone than living with a lunatic.
You mean women will try to push you till you break unless they had already figured out that they will gain something from you and only then they will respect?
Unpopular opinion: men NEED anger. We need to feel it, we need to understand it, we need to HARNESS anger. Most of male motivation originates in anger, not wild, reckless, undisciplined anger, but cold, calculated, white-hot burning slow-rage that drives you to the gym when that's the LAST place you want to go. That cold, white-hot rage that pushes you to finish that project you've been putting off for 2 weeks. Let it burn icy hot BUT contain it, harness it, and channel it. You must know what your anger is as a man, how to focus it, how to harness it, how to call on it, how to stoke it up when you need it, how to slow it down when you need that. Otherwise you become a pushover and your shadow is out of your control, and WILL take over at the worst possible time. sometimes this guy is spot on, sometimes he's far too new-age "anger is always bad"... which in my estimation is a fatal flaw. Anger is human, period. Learn to harness it to have it at your command or it will command you.
Finally, someone says what I've been feeling.
I married in 1989. Once the kids arrived my wife was toxic and abusive. This got to the point i lost my temper in april 2002. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. Calmed down. Had a shower. And when i came out i announced to my wife i would divorce her. I was not going to do 20 years in jail because of her. They are all the same fellas.
4 Billion.
That's how many women are in the world.
No single one with worth ruining your life over.
@@bolt9110 oh, my life was ruined divorcing her. I have been the worlds highest profile man defensible the rights of men and boys for 15 years now.
@@PeterNolan-009 Sounds like your doing great things as a result of the divorce.
@@bolt9110 I have been the worlds highest profile man defending the rights of men and boys and saving mens lives for 15 years. This is very dangerous and expensive work.
You run an NGO or something?
My last ex would be a total juggernaut whenever we disagreed on anything. She would raise her voice short of screaming immediately, resort to a bunch of logical fallacies and would never listen to or accept my side. She was after total dominance. After several bouts of this kind I finally gave up trying to reason with her or compromise. I did not resort to anger as it is not my style and started stonewalling her instead. At that point the relationship was dead.
During one of her rants she told me something that echoes to this day: "Whenever you disagree with me on something I feel wronged and mistreated". I wonder how many women feel like that when they don't get their way.
Was she raised without a father?
@@Vision-dd8fl No, she had a father, a likeable fellow who sadly died of diabetes. She also has a sister who I believe is subtly taking advantage of her.
I've been told that before too. That my dissagreement was disrespectful to her and that I was just wanting to display patriarchal dominence over the relationship. Then she drove the argument at this idea of hers that it's a mans (my) insecurity that was driving me and I needed to stop trying to exert control over her which made her feel threatened and scared. Typing this out now highlights how obvious it probably was I needed to end things. I stuck around and eventually she kicked me out of our place during an argument.
I think that she lost respect for me for not "maning up" even though if I did the relationship would've still ended.
@@chaoscultus Mine wasn't into feminism, I know better than getting involved with such a woman. However she had some rather masculine traits like the extremely aggressive way she argued. Other women argued in more passive aggressive ways but the same tenacity. I have come to the conclusion that when women argue they have this mentality that they are somehow personally attacked and they *have* to win the argument or else they will show weakness and be overwhelmed.
@@ky7299 I think you are correct, and would further argue that is just another specific manifestation of the general principle that most women cannot admit that they are ever wrong ---- or even fractionally to blame ---- when something heads south. They either blame other factors or deflect like a politician.
This is actually why in times past, women could not speak to a man in any old way. Men were able to use their strengths (physical strength) to respond. Some of the things that women say to men are equal in harm to a man using his physical strength against a woman. We have now removed the ability for men to reply with their innate weapons, and women have noticed this and are abusing this fact. Men's hands are tied. Thus young men today often tolerate abuse from women far longer than what they should.
I've heard many times of women goading their men that she knows he can't retaliate against her, so uses his inability to hold her in check as another tool to undermine him. Women absolutely HATE boundaries in men and expect to get their own way all the time. The moment they hear No in a calm yet firm manner, they're off.
Thanks for sharing. Had a similar example and when I found myself near a nervous breakdown and angry all the time, I left. Then I was the bad guy for ‘leaving’ 🙄🤷🏼♂️ There is no accountability for the way women ignore men and i hated feeling like I have to scream to be heard. Terrible feeling.
A perfect description of male versus female relationships. In my experience many females completely dismiss anything which a man says about anything.
Unless they think the male is a guru.
Because society protects them from everything. Only when they feel like that protection isn't enough will they listen. It's a sad behavioral spiral.
The more you protect them, the more power you give them, the more authority you give them, the WORSE they will behave. Men are born with the knowledge we are totally subject to the harsh realities of the universe, women are born with the knowledge that we will use our bodies as shields if need be to protect them. It used to be we raised them to understand that it was not a free service they were entitled to, but rather one paid for with respect and a certain level of mutually returned services like loyalty and raising our kids.
Now they want to give nothing and reap all the rewards of society. No return of investment, no division of labor.
This is the case when she has no respect for him. And this isn’t her fault since getting respect from anyone isn’t a right.
@@thecommenter9678That's exactly what's happened. Feminism is largely to blame. The ironic thing is that nobody is happy with the end result. Neither men or women are truly happy. Men need to know where they stand. Men need to know they can trust the people closest to them. Likewise women need security and protection. To spite what feminism has taught them, they need a man for these things. They can't provide them for themselves. Ultimately feminism has prevented both men and women from having their needs met and made both very unhappy.
@@tomfournier4941 Hence RECORD levels of unhappiness amongst women, and record suicides amongst men. Total shit show.
So, if a wife doesn't listen, the husband can either a) become a shell of his former self, b) get divorced with abuse charges and lose most of his stuff, c) divorce her and only lose half of his stuff. I can see why so many men choose A.
they should choose d) not getting married
E) Stop blaming the world for not being able to provide for women. We won't listen when you aren't listening to us in a conversation and the conversation is one-sided. It's a 2 way Street.
@@DiamondsRexpensiveprovide your self, as grown ups should.
@@DiamondsRexpensiveare you an adult or child?
@@DiamondsRexpensivefeminist don’t need a man to provide anymore
Very interesting, as a woman I have been in the exact position. It is confusing when you calmly speak to guy and he says he agrees, he is on board but never follows through. Some men and women are great responders, some suck at it. This is not just a female issue, it a lousy partner issue and it can fall on both sexes.
Frank wasn't joking when he crooned the backhanded lyrics "I've got you... under my skin." Rise above it brothers, don't get sucked into yelling.
What you're describing is my relationship with my mom. Only difference is that she just gets defensive and acts like I'm in the wrong rather than just rationalizing whatever I get loud. That's exactly why I never see her more than twice a year, and now we usually fight constantly whenever I see her. She acts like I'm coming out of nowhere when it happens too, but I refuse to be disrespected anymore.
Avoid, and stay away from these types of women. If they're family, keep them at a distance.
I'm in a similar position. I'm with you.
A lot of women are FAR more interested in "being right" than getting along. Sadly, this is why so many women end up old and alone. Even their own children don't call anymore. But, hey, at least you were "right" ladies! 😐
Bud I'm 38. Vet. Father of 3. Been on my own since 16. And manage oil rigs. My mother's the same. ... The memes going round saying "I get why my father was how he was" are factual the older and more experienced you get. Likewise I couldn't even get her a new car without her arguing and trying to start a fight trying to tell me how good the new CVT transmissions were in comparison to other brands. Which they're all junk. I'm like. Mother dad ran a auto buisness'. I've got multiple restorations and drag cars I've built. You can't even change your battery. Fine. Stay right here on the lot. I'm going home. And you can buy / believe what ever you want. But note one thing. Never ever ask me auto advice..mechanical or to fix a damn thing. Just note... That's been a week ago. Almost 2 Saturday. The dealer already gave her an AWD model cause she didn't believe me on that one being a 2wd. And had the car back 6 times for them to fix their screw ups. They didn't nt change bud. They just get more stubborn and detrimental with age. Few actually mellow.
Smart move!
Your comment reminds me of one of my ex live-in girlfriends. She hated it when her mother disrespected her by contradicting her at every opportunity. When my girlfriend tried the same did-respectful tactics on me, I pointed out the hypocracy of her behaviour. Her disrespectful behaviour got worse over the years, u tip my boss asked why she was being so disrespectful. I eventually left her without an explanation. My only regret was not leaving sooner. I ended up paying alimony for 7 years!
I had the opposite problem. She would get very angry over boundaries, didn't like being told what to do, in any way shape or form. Would resort to agressive outbursts. I tolerated it for a while, till I realised I was getting frustrated and angry myself.. This was my cue to get the hell out of the relationship.
oh! you were in a relationship with an "alpha-female boss-babe bad-bitch" who was more masculine and had more Testosterone than the top 5 selling K-POP bands put together.
Good you exited. Never tolerate disrespect from anyone, including women.
Same thing happened to me brother and what I can say is that certain types of women will always have their selfishness, childish and stubborn ways and aren’t worthy of a relationship. Stay away from those types and find a more feminine and peaceful woman that you deserve! Also, good on you putting on boundaries, never submit frame for a woman, she’s either on your program or she’s gone. She was getting mad and aggressive because she couldn’t exercise her hypergamy so good on you brother!
@@dimsworld6877 thanks man. I tried to be patient. One time she got angry over a little disagreement & she told me to "Shut The Fvck Up" She didn't even apologise or acknowledge any wrong doing. I walked away & she sent me a text message & ended the relationship. Two days later she starts pleading for another chance & promising she will behave better in the future. Foolishly I gave her a chance, then 5 weeks down the line she aggressively starts raging at me, because I didn't want social media usage at the dinner table. She was a social media addict & her phone usage all the time was a problem. She began raging at me.. I told her to leave my house & I never talked to her again. I'm not going to tolerate such childish, selfish aggressive behaviour.
@@EriPages thanks man
Making you angry is a form of control. Little children do it too, it is one of the very few ways they have to assert some semblance over control of people who are otherwise hierarchically above them. It is a button to push.
Mind officially blown. Beautifully articulated.
I can count on my right hand how many times I would yell at my ex wife in a week! At first, I told her what I wanted/needed, and she wouldn’t comply. Eventually, I had enough. After four marriage counselors, I filed and went through with the divorce.
I can tell you one thing I learned. I will not waste negative emotions on a woman again. Also, I won’t yell. I’ll tell her what I want/need, and if she doesn’t comply, the next thing I will tell her is, “I don’t control you. You are a big girl. What I need you to do is leave. Bye.”
This video is exactly what happened in my marriage. Great video. And yes, my ex is now alone. Good luck.
And once they achieve the angry outburst - it provides the "justification" to withdraw, withhold and complain about her "safe space", etc.. When they do this after so many years and saddled with children and responsibilities, it traps you in a spiral of unhappiness and frustration.
that's called 'stonewalling'....aka 'silent treatment'
Oof that's called cheating. If it helps I don't know a single cheater that suddenly started after marriage. Cheaters always cheat just a matter of time
My ex's favorite tactic with me was anytime that I brought anything up that was critical or even analytical of her behavior towards me, however I delivered it, it was always stopped dead in its tracks and accompanied with her accusation of me yelling and then the discussion would stick to that topic instead of the topics that I wanted to bring up... This almost happened every single time...
You know what this little anecdote reminds me about? Little children. That’s exactly how the relationship with kids go.
The child is misbehaving, the parent will at first try to fix that by communicating in a gentle way what the child should stop doing, more often than not, the won’t listen.
So, either two can things happens, 1) the parent snaps with anger at the kid or 2)the parents stop asking it for it nicely, and changes into a more commanding tone.
Now of course, this is a natural process. But having to deal with such inmaturity from an adult? Thing is, a lot of grown ups are still little children inside, they weren’t taught correctly, or never learned how to respond properly to things.
Second of all, in this days, even being commanding to a women won’t work, because in this age that will be called toxic masculine behaviour. So either asking nicely don’t work, asking commandingly won’t work, only anger works. Incredibly toxic.
Being commanding to a woman.. are you a boss? A master?
She doesnt listen (??).. an adult is not a child, a household is not an office environment..
There us something very wrong here..
in my experience, women also do this in the talking phase as well. Most talking phases are just women playing games and doing emotional manipulation to test boundaries. I am personally confused on how so many women are able to win over men. It is hard walking away but this behavior is evident in the modern woman. So women are even nice and polite but the undertones are there.
Women don't win over Men, they have vaginas. If they didn't, men would want nothing to do with them.
You can’t love and understand women at the same time
The reason women are manipulative is because they get away with it.
That's been pretty much every woman I've met over the past 20+ years, with one exception who very clearly didn't do it. It's now so bad that the tests at boundaries and frame crop up within the first 10 minutes of talking with a woman. In the 1990s it pretty much never happened. End result is that I walk away from every woman I meet.
This has mostly been my experience since the 90s and seems to have become the mode most women are now in, where even hitting a man is ok to prove a point, however any aggression from a male is seen as oppressive.
Another excellent episode.
A man’s true power in a relationship is really just his ability to leave. When he surrenders that power, he loses himself, and the woman.
I wish I had figured that out thirty years ago.
@segurosincero4057 Sorry brother
Yep. I learned that the hard way.
Bingo and not been a simp..
That’s the sad and horrifying thing. There’s virtually no other way a man can “not let a woman do that to him.” If she knows he cares and doesn’t want to lose her, she used that power. He has to be willing to leave at a moment’s notice in order to maintain respect. Which is truly heartbreaking to men who genuinely want companionship
So true. Real talk. Thanks for clearing up lots of questions.
So True . Right on the point. Nailed it.
God Bless You and Your Family
Wow, that hit close to home.
One of those videos where it almost felt like every single word was written specifically for me, and my relationship with my ex wife. And it’s vindicating and reassuring to have somebody describe our situation in uncanny detail, and suggest that it’s more of a universal situation than I had thought, and articulate the frustration I felt, and the reasons for this frustration.
There was no way I was going to explode in anger, as that’s not my style, so I did have that very decision - become a shell of a man, feeling undermined, undervalued and disrespected , through and through, or leave. And it broke me to leave, because I loved this woman and our life deeply, and it still hurts now, but I’m not sure where I’d be now if I’d stayed - nowhere healthy, I know that much.
Your story is my story. 6 years on now, I’m still devastated. But I knew what my future with her would look like, and I couldn’t deal with that.
@@endcgm9277 It’s reassuring to know somebody else still feels that way, after such a long time. I sometimes think it’s just me, and everyone else would have moved on completely ages ago.
I am still fragile ten full years on, and I know I will never close the wound. And we have kids together, so I still see her often, and will continue to do so till one of us dies.
What a crap situation 😂
You are describing my situation too. Had to leave for pretty much all of the reasons in the video - I was allowed no agency in disagreement, it was always her terms, which resulted in gaslighting if I continued to tolerate. I had to leave but still love her, it is difficult and painful at times, but very instructive. We get along very well and have a unique bond, but that is not worth suffering for and losing dignity and self respect. I’m now in a process of trying to find balance and peace with this reality. I honestly think that the best and most natural thing will happen - over time the emotions will finally evaporate. As I do more for myself, I find that she means less in comparison to my personal interests and the things in my life that really matter to me as a person.
100% true. Problem is, 80% of women behave this way. If you don’t see it during the dating phase, you will during marriage. If you don’t see it in marriage without kids, you’ll see it in marriage with kids. For some bizarre reason, deep down, they want to make you angry. You’ll try communicating with them like a mature adult and they just can’t handle it. Eventually, they may even get violent with you and bait you into being violent with them. Way, way, way too many women behave this way.
So true. Lack of proper education, undeveloped intelligence and issues causes them to act childish. Who says that women are more mature than men are either women or never had a long relationship. Both men and women can behave childish and based on feelings instead of logic.
Makes me really happy with my girlfriend seeing these comments. Ironically, she's literally just like a dude in a lot of ways.... which significantly helps with our communication.
Yes, most are like that at least in my personal experience. I've found that the benefits of dealing with a woman never exceed the trouble that comes with one. I waisted a lot of time and energy on women when I was young and stupid. That's over now though. If it weren't for the fact that most men are strongly motivated by sex, I doubt there would be many relationships. As we get older and the sex drive becomes less an issue we see how we waisted so much time and energy on lost causes. At least that's what's happening in my case.
@@voraxumbra1 the communication is NOT like a dude, it is just respectful, w your ‘partner’ engaging in rules of conduct and communication that are effective.
Does she have a sister? Haha
@@alineharam you seem fun
Thank you for helping me realize what happened to my sense of self during my last relationship. I refused to get loud and aggressive and refused to leave the relationship so I failed to be the person I once respected. Resulting in severe episodes of depression with seemingly no explanation until now.
You are right. If you use that calm voice, they won't hear you. But if you raise your voice, they will hear it but they will also get afraid and then angry because you raised your voice. The better option is to walk away. Silence is a man's best friend.
Had an ex who ONLY paid attention when I got angry. After a while I found that I was angry all the time. Had to end things because I didn't like who I became with her.
Did she have a father growing up?
I’ve dealt with borderlines like this. I ask them a simple question and they say something off topic then say “Why are you giving me a hard time?”… then proceed to gaslight more. Stay away from girls like this men, they are my name.
I DEALT WITH A BPD, I LIKE YOUR NAME
I think even using such gals recreationally is probably ill-advised. After all, they can make any accusation, whether true or entirely fabricated, about you any time they wish. These gals ain't even worth the cheap dopamine hits.
Nice name 😂
Lol even recreational use leads to trouble that just isn't worth the crazy....... Those chicks will ruin you or live to try to when you ignore their BS or are done with their BS even it's casual they think they have the right to do whatever they want, the moment you make contact with them, they think that you are theirs....... DANGER DANGER DANGER AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
Hahahah your name. But facta
I appreciate your level headed analysis of relationship issues between men and women. What you have said is spot on. Thank you. I forwarded this.
This one hits home man. Keep up the great work.
I’ve always felt very guilty leaving her. But this video makes me confident that I did the right thing.
Your mental health is the most valuable asset you have. Don’t regret leaving, you did what your mind decided was best for you.
10 years doing meditation and being a meditation teacher for high achievers.
My ex was a normal woman but she always had this thing were she wanted to make me mad or angry.
I told her that that was hard because it is a thing of stimulus vs reaction and we as meditators learn how to separate the two of them.
She tried one time driving back home drunk: It didn't work.
She tried hosting a party with his girl friends were two of our furniture were set on fire (I'm not lying): It didn't work.
She tried hitting me once really hard and I (being also a BJJ purple belt) just control her in the ground until she calmed down.
Shit escalated to the point that she cheated and for the first time I was mad and I left.
She told me that she did it because I never showed her that I cared and that being with me was too "peaceful" but now that she saw she could make me mad she wanted to be with me.
I left immediately.
I still think that somewhere inside of her she's more happy that she "broke" the meditator rather than regretting that she lost a 2 year relationship over some BS.
Yep, that's women for sure!
She'd rather subject herself to the humiliation of being called a cheater than live at peace with a man who could not easily be provoked. Weird girl-logic!
Meditation is a simp creating strategy. As your explanation is a perfect example of this.
Tolerating BS is not strength, its weakness mascaraded as strength, but it isn't.
@@fanaticfloyd Nope. Simps are needy and remain too long in an abusive relationship. Meditators are not. Meditation makes you adult in the room watching the temper tantrums of a child. The gap between stimulus and response provided by meditation gives you the clarity to make wiser decisions (like leaving for instance).
"My ex was a normal woman but she always had this thing were she wanted to make me mad or angry. "
Narrator: She was not in fact a mormal person
@@janushomer9111 No that's pretty normal behavior for women.
And thus the importance of pre qualification before gratification. Speaking from painful experience. Good channel and topics !
Wow! Eyes started to roll and leave but, the core message landed! And not just with one woman, but could be a committee of women with one male. Thank you for the insight!
Haha, Does this fit with your own experience? Absolutely! It's now 6 years since I split with my 30 year long partner, what you are talking about in this episode is exactly the point we got to. This channel feels like a documentary on the last 5 years of that relationship, its quality observations and advice came along too late for me, but it has really helped with my understanding of 'what the hell went on'
5 star channel
I did 26 years of this and couldn't be happier now once I ended it.
Its why men get sheds.
I divorced my first wife because of her temper and always pushing me to anger. I confronted her about it and she finally admitted that all she wanted was to fight. I told that's not what I wanted and I found someone else and she's just as bad.
did she have a father growing up?
replacing / substituting any such with just another one doesn't seem to lead very far. as for that, I'd prefer to appreciate j.o.m.o. on 1st one already. I won't expect else than gyn.fasc mental infestations or other redflags anyway. (and what maight be found positebly appealing for now is rather likely to be prone to impermanence).
@@Vision-dd8flyes both parents were there till she left home but they were emotionally immature. Constant fighting and physical as well but she had the chance to live in a better environment and refused to change so there's nothing a guy can do but to leave. It's painful but had to be done.
A substantial number of women actually thrive in extreme drama. Your choices? Accept it, or leave.
@@steveburke7675 accepting it can leave a man mentaly exhausted and eating away at his masculine core
This man speaks the truth. I wished someone would have told me this 20 years ago because my life would have been so much better these days. That said maybe there's still a little of the man left inside of me that I use to be and if there is then I still can make a better tomorrow for my daughter.
Wow, so true. You explain everything and anything. Thank you.
I went to a lecture by a female dating coach once, she said women often try to provoke men's anger because they want to see our strength. I've been applying this as a strategy for years,- doing something to show strength instead of getting angry, and it's worked really well most of the time.
what are some examples of what you do?
Give us an example of demonstrating strength? Do you take her to the gym to see you sparring with other men? Engage in street fights?
But the problem is that, like other tests, this is inherently disrespectful. No woman is fit to be my tester.
@@Kuk0san One simple way to show strength is during simple acts of affection. If you are able to easily lift the woman while kissing or hugging then this demonstrates strength. I don't think it has to be thought of as a test though. High physical strength is a masculine trait that many women think is attractive. So, similar to how many men like seeing a woman with a nice body shape, many women like to see demonstrations of strength. Mastery over physical objects is just one form of strength.
This is not just a test of one's strength only; Let's call it what it actually is: *Abuse!* Lol!
I had never yelled at a partner until my ex. Then suddenly I was yelling constantly. Nothing was ever good enough and no amount of me trying to figure it out got anywhere. Her needs were never met but she couldn't ever tell me what her needs were. She sure could tell me about how much I upset her though. I left when she made it clear it wouldn't get better.
New relationship and I still haven't yelled. Never even got close. But this one actually talks about her problems and seeks resolution rather than constantly telling me I'm screwing up.
next time you are faced with stuff like that keep asking questions asking to elaborate on the most confusing parts of what she says, until it makes sense or it falls apart, then tell her you don't have those issues and give examples how you don't care about things like that when they happen to you and how you deal with them easily, and maybe she should do the same cause it's better that way, and if she insists it has to be done that way, ask her where she thinks something different happened in her upbringing or past experiences that created this issue and what she thinks would be the best way to deal fix them cause surely she doesn't seriously think that inflicting them on you long term is going to be a thing
@@iufbriufbwhenever I tried that, asking for clarity or details, she wouldn't tell me or say I ask too many questions, I "should know". The frustration just built up over time, again and again, and I yelled in a way I haven't ever done in my life.
Your ex sounds very similar to my own situation, brother
Leaving gets difficult in a joint family arrangement. Thanks for the video! You make a lot of sense.
It's unbelievable how much this explains.
This happend to me recently, the worst was being pulled out of me, I began to collapse and feel like a shell. Ultimately I had to survive so my option was to leave.
And that shows, if the worst can be pulled out of you, then the best can be pulled out of you. Gotta find those people (friends and family) who pull the best out of you.
People don't realise how much we are accountable for how we are treated, including people taking advantage of you. Understanding human nature is the key to being respected.
People who avoid accountability make horrible partners.
@@hugh261 Very true. You lose respect for them. It's an ugly trait.
Thank you, I have been making this point for twenty years, you validated me! Not in terms of rising my voice, but how an unsustainable relationship is manufactured from day one!
My favorite psychologist in the business.
Every single word doc utters in this video is pure gold. ✨️👌🏼 I'll add the following: Men who are unaware of the mind games being played, and rather than choosing the paths doc mentioned, they instead choose a destructive path that escalates to violence, puts the man who was initially a victim, in the role of the aggressor. Fellas: Unawareness and weakness are our worst enemy when dealing with these types of women. Beware! 💯
In my relationships over the years, I have had to point out numerous times that the anger she just saw me express was not where the conversation started, but was rather the result of a series of increasingly desperate attempts for me to be understood and/or respected. Unfortunately women often latch onto anger like it was the *first* place I went in a long conversation, and it simply never is.
Spot on.
Is this me? Are you a mirror in front of my eyes?
Very well said sir! So articulate and thoughtful. Carry on good fellow 🔥🤙🏽
Thank you so much for this video. You've literally told the story of every serious relationship I've ever had. After watching this video, I feel like I understand what happened. You have helped me so very much today! I can't say thank you enough.
True, some women only listen when shouted at.
My mother is like that, she does it to my dads and me.
I’m a grown men and there is simply no way to get to that woman.
This is true. Most men should have learned this with their mothers when they would nag needlessly to your fathers to cause an argument or when you were growing up how your mother and sisters used to provoke fights with your father or other siblings or relatives. The women in the world are no different than your mothers and sisters.
@@jacqueslee2592
My mother doesn’t nag, but she is terrible communicator and she doesn’t take feedback.
Nothing is ever her fault and she cannot figure out some things they doesn’t matter to her matter to others.
I’m 40 yo and she treats me like a child and doesn’t respect my opinion.
@@valdius85Sounds like the model narcissist
Clear logic, raw data and articulate rational explanations seldom get through to women as much as emotions do. One is dry and boring and the other is stimulating self-feeding drama .
That's why it's so important to get through to men, these women won't listen. They only way this changes is if men stop rewarding this behaviour and even then they might never change but at least we won't have to deal with it.
Excellent video mate. Only facts were covered here. I immediately liked and subscribed. Thankyou.
You have just the most logical answer to the most perplexing issue I have ever encountered in my life. Thank you and god bless your gifted t mind.
They „make“ men to perpetrators in order to be victims.
And they meanwhile love the highly emotional path.
Women are in good, safe times hard to handle.
If she doesn’t get it, she doesn’t love you.
So, leave early, without ending up as a perpetrator
Bingo 💯
Other things that are deal breaker:
1) breaking the peace, as in being someone who would rather have a fight and argument over being calm and in silence. If they love drama more than peace then they will put the relationship and the family at risk just to get their emotional fix going.
2) Not beign humble and being unable to understand and admit when being wrong. If they're not adult enough to understand the difference between feeling that they are right and actually being right then they don't deserve to be in a mature relationship with an adult, specially since that would mean that they'll be willing to trow the relationship out the window before even considering that the spouse is actually right.
3) choosing emotions over logic. This shouldn't even be an issue for people over twenty years old. People are supposed to think things through, not allowe themselves to be possessed by their feelings to the point that they either willfully ignore reality or are legitimately unable to percive reality as it actually is in favor of their own delusional and emotion based worldview.
4) Being unable to understand another person's point of view. If they cant see things in a different way or understand what someone else is trying to say then they will not be able to be a good partner or even a good friend to someone else.
5) Being able to empathize and with their spouse and partner, or anyone else in their close social circle.
6) Not showing understanding and appreciation for the struggles and hardship their partner goes through for them, the relationship and the family which is definitely why so many relationships and families are breaking up. And that goes double for refusing to help or ease said spouses fellings of stress and frustration brought out by said hardship.
good advice, very true
Absolutely fantastic breakdown - thank you for this.