Understanding FRAME: are you living in her world, or is she living in yours?
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- čas přidán 8. 10. 2023
- Frame is a very important concept with respect to relationships. It's a bit hard to define, but I consider frame to be the "world" of the relationship. Without realizing it, most men are in the woman's frame. In this episode, I explain what this looks like using an anonymized example from a recent consultation. The details may change, but the situation is one in which millions of men find themselves today. Fortunately, if you lose frame, it's possible to reclaim it.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Frame is a very important concept with respect to relationships. It's a bit hard to define, but I consider frame to be the "world" of the relationship. Without realizing it, most men are in the woman's frame. In this episode, I explain what this looks like using an anonymized example from a recent consultation. The details may change, but the situation is one in which millions of men find themselves today. Fortunately, if you lose frame, it's possible to reclaim it.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: czcams.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/video.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
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Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Blimey! Good stuff frankly said. Could be entitled "Sort yourself out, Stand tall, Speak out". Thanks.
Could there be an ideal where two frames or two worlds are merged together? - like a compromise midpoint between his family/location and Indiana?
I don’t understand any other way to have a successful relationship than to do it with the frame of religion! Trying to have a secular relationship means inherently you’re in a woman’s frame. Because if God is not the grounding of one’s value system then the biological imperative is. That is reproduction, and women control that! They pick the men and will choose in provision ability of genetics. Within a religious frame women pick based upon their pleasing God. Whether you think religion is bs or not there’s no other way. You want proof? Measure relationship marriage outcomes between avg and orthodox couples. In addition, in a religious frame work all men no matter how poor or ugly are guaranteed a wife. There are no incels or single men in orthodox religions. just stop fighting religion it’s the only viable option!
@@lesterdiamonds27 in complete modesty, you are living in a fantasy land. God goes completely out the window when a woman meets a man she truly, physically desires. A woman will make all the rules for a Beta, and break EVERY rule for an a man she sees as an Alpha, religion be damned. There is no such thing as a good girl, at least not in this day and age. As a man, your best bet is to love God, and date women. Don't ever get married. Love God and love yourself. There is NO other way.
@@bastiano333 good values aren’t a guarantee! They need to tied into a community or beholden to religious parents. There may be some freelance Christian woman out there but everybody claims Christianity. They have to mean it and you need to see the proof: dress, virginity, career, social media presence, etc.
Never get into relationship with a women unless she is entering your frame. And, never let the relationship switch where she starts out in your frame but ultimately you end up in her frame. Being in the woman's frame nearly always leads to breakup/divorce.
So true, happening here right now
Divorce laws favor women and women file 80% of divorces while marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows. "Mah framez!"
I don't think you said frame enough.
@@Yeahhoeeyeah happened to me.
@@dahliafiend problem is the child, otherwise it wouldn't be so bad
It can't be understated how many men don't ask themselves "what do I want for my life?" When this isn't top of mind, it's so easy for women to move into your life and attempt to decide that for you.
vegetable life. so sad
the bigger the freedom, the more imagined/real options people have.
together w/ a neoliberal system that's all about work and technology toasting our brains more and more, the overwhelmedness by many people to sort out their realistic options, decide with conviction and find the courage to follow through on those decisions, seems understandable
Well, I mean...especially if what you're looking for is a mommy to cut your crusts and tie your shoes, rather than a partner who can achieve & thrive *either* in cooperation *or* in mutually admired but not necessarily intersecting parallel passions/drives/causes.
Sympathetic autonomy of life goals is probably the most durable kind of relationship, as it's founded primarily on an abiding respect of the other person's choices BEFORE you met.
if he is vegetable minded and waiting to be taken, i would argue he has a feminine waist and his life purpose is to make easy money for Orion@@hunterspeak4370
One of the most powerful exercises I've done to date is map out my life trajectory. Actually, I owe credit to my dad for that one. He's done it for himself when he was a kid, and I think when I and my siblings were teens, he's actually made us do it. And he asked us again when we got a bit older. Now, it's become a routine for me, every so often I consult the master plan and check if I'm on track / readjust as needed.
I completely agree with this.
#1 Create the life you want
#2 Live according to your values
#3 Build SMV (if a man wants to date/marry)
#4 Gather options
#5 Attract and never chase
#6 Negotiate the best offer FOR YOU and walk away from anything less than what you want and have worked for
As a woman I agree. That’s what I’ve done and it’s working great
Beat me to it, but confirms what I was thinking
What is SMV?
@@LajanaeSmith Sexual Market Value, it's someone appeal score/ranking in the dating market
@@sean_740 like minds
If she is really into you, she will enter your frame. Stay strong.
Only true because money allows her to still get everything she wants. It's not a hard choice between conning him into buy you a Ford instead of him offering you a Lambo.
GBD can be a good indicator.
I think this is the heart of the issue. She doesn't really like the guy himself. She just likes what the guy can provide, e.g. kids, child support, alimony, 50% of the assets, etc.
Yes, but you have to make sure she does. Remember, women do not know what they want.
You have to be a strong enough man to hold the frame for her though. No one wants to get on a sinking ship.
And fellas remember, being in a solid socio-economic position for yourself, makes staying within masculine frame much easier. You want to be able to have as much leverage as possible to reduce the number of compromises you have to make. The less leverage you have, the more tempting it’s going to be to operate within her frame.💯
yeah that's true. I made a few mistakes & ended up in a somewhat compromised position that I am not able to escape at the moment because I use my girls car everyday (mine is parked with bad plates) & because of that I havent even had the conversation that I need to have about moving forward. time to get my money up lol.
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows and women file 80% of divorces. What percentage didn't keep frame? Orion is just like traditional women benefiting from feminist laws and not lobbying for change making them defacto feminists: namely, controlled opposition.
@@forgottenfuryan You don’t have to be married to be dealing with women bro. Women are always gonna be part of our lives whether we like it or not.
@@forgottenfuryanCan you explain that in a more understandable way?
@@Khan-rz8qi
60% of mothers are single mothers and they raise 80% of inmates and 85% of children with behavioral disorders. Traditional women benefit from feminist laws and don't lobby for change making them defacto feminists, undoing natural masculine authority inherent to most sexually dysmorphic species.
It’s Orion’s world, we’re just livin it it
*PLANET HULK*
Speak for yourself
Living in Orion's frame it seems
Without having spoken to the women, we will only know the mans perspectives based on his limited life experience..
Emotional awareness tells us all, that there’s more to this story than what’s being portrayed.
I lost a great girl because I didn't understand this concept. It wasn't her fault. She probably didn't even understand why she was losing attraction for me. I'm only comforted by the fact that I know better now. You must have an iron frame. If you don't you're in for a bad time.
Same here bro. Live n learn hey
Great truth brother and all men (especially when young) have been in this situation without realising it 👊 as the other fella says, live and learn 🤙
Ah yes, it was your fault for being unshakable like a terminator
It was not your fault for women being anything but decent human beings and their self-destructive nature. Stop gaslighting yourself because women lack in empathy and interest towards men.
This is golden advice.
Ignore it at your peril.
I agree as well.
There is just so much details in life he skipped.
Try finding a doctor that will stop you in your tracks, to tell you exactly how it is. Thanks Dr T. ❤
He’s 30 dating a 36 yr old and admitted to needing to get his life together. I pray all of our men get into their masculine frame. We desperately need it
She’s 36 and he’s 30 that say a lot about her…..seem like men her age she don’t want her so she try to control a younger guy
Good luck. Society has neutered most men. The ones who do figure it out are married or playing the field
@@user-pp9bl5gr1n is it not odd that this man wants to date someone older than him? He has a say so on this too you know
He can still have newborns at 50, he has plenty of time to get his frame together, can't say the same for her tho. Those hurry up manipulative tactics are the foundation of an upcoming divorce.
@@danielroman6473 I pray more men lean I to their masculine frame. I believe in them
"Men thrive when they're in their frame" so well put
So do women... 😉
@@user-vr6mn2pf3i No, not necessarily. Woman can join a man's frame and thrive within it (it's very natural). A man can do this too, but in a long run, that's a woman who will be unhapppy about it, because her man is not manly enough to have his own frame. Women divorce and separate much more than men, when they got leverage.
@@troobix_s you misunderstood, rightfully so. I meant women thrive in a man's frame just like men thrive in their own frame.
in short, both men and women thrive in a man's frame.
@@user-vr6mn2pf3i Oh, yes, I misunderstood. Sorry, thanks for explanation.
I was in a relationship a year ago, she was the most femenine and most beautiful woman I ever dated.
I remember when we wanted to move together, I would move in with her. In her apartment. At that time I left my family business (not because of her), and I had difficulties finding a job or a carrer path. It frustrated her and confronted me with this, but now when I look back, I realized that in that confortation I was trying to please her, and align myself with her, her frame.
I had this "plan" for a carrer, for moving in with her and live her life, not mine. And then she broke up with me, and this "plan" I had? Went to sh*t.
Looking back I get why she broke up with me, she didn't felt safe with me, that I was unstable. I didn't know what to do with myself at that time. But I knew one thing after a few days..
A few days after she broke up with me, I swore to myself that I would NEVER live my life by the rules of another woman.
I would build my own lifestyle, I would become a uniqe masculine and independent man, the kind of man whos life is a beautiful journey, full of lessons and overcoming hardships.
I live in my own world, my own rules, by my own values. And that by itself would bring the next woman into my life. And that woman would be different for the better.
After a few months, I learned that it's called: Frame.
And then I learned how truly important it is to develop my frame.
Thank you.
Way to learn !
So now you're an Incel?
Man, this is an eye opening exercise. Ignoring the demands on you for a second and ask yourself what you want.
The same can be said about accepting the friend zone. You approach a woman for a relationship, and she offers friendship. You go thinking, " Maybe I can be her friend," as if it was your original thought. Ask yourself if friendship was why you approached the woman in the first place.
Excellent point.
You got that right
Friendship IS why I approach most women in the first place. Is it not for you guys?
My way or the highway
@hansomekim1219 if friendship is why you approach most women, it's not a problem at all. You can't be friendzoned if friendship is what you also want.
In my experience women tend to respect men who have frame and do not put women on a pedestal
I feel really feminine when the guy leads. The leadership introduces me to things I would never do on my own because I am either too scared, risk averse, insecure or all of the things. Life becomes more expansive.
Can you give an example of the things it leads you to?
"Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are." ― Iron Rule of Tomassi #1
Great saying. Thanks for posting
Pretty sure Robert Green talks about this and his 48 laws of power as well
"resist giving the impression that you are" This part is crucial.
Not the #1 rule for nothing.
Ohh yeah bro she should totally date a guy that has dark triad personality traits because I really think they will enjoy your 48 laws of power manipulation tactics. You guys are 🐱 just be honest. Women like men that are dominant and if shes not down she will go. Like bro, how is she supposed to not know im “controlling the frame” wen she has a fuckin dog collar on?
As a woman myself, this woman enraged me 😂 Also love how personal you got 😂😂😂 'single fu*k' 😂
Humans are a sexually dysmorphic species but divorce and workplace laws favor women so men cannot maintain frame in relationships thus women filing for 80% of divorces and marriage, sex and childbirth rates being at all time lows. This guy is a century late.
I love this so much! Thank you for bringing clarity to why many women find themselves turned off.
Dating a man who has his own life is so crucial. When he’s trying to follow me and my hobbies or friends.. and asking me to guide his life I get so turned off.
Establish yourself and the women can accept or reject it. Don’t puppy dog your way into her life trying to be what she wants
Lol, it's so funny how you women tell on yourself. If a man has his own life, he then accepts or rejects you, it's not the other way around. You modern women really think you're the center of a man's universe.
These are the talks most men needed but never had with their fathers
Here's a piece of advice. Its much, much easier for women in their early 20s to fit into your frame. When women get to 30 and are still single they either come with a ton of emotional baggage from relationships that didn't work out and/or their standards are so high that they're too rigid. Either way there will be too much friction trying to get a woman 30+ into your frame, so much so that its just not worth it. Also, and this is something very few women will admit, but women are happier when they fit into a man's frame. They don't like to lead in a relationship, it causes them too much anxiety and stress...
Not to mention that if this man was such a pushover, she'd lose respect for him, and most likely sex would be affected (after the kids). A story as old as time.
@@rob21100%. Female psychology can be distilled down into one single concept - a woman must constantly believe that you're the best man that she can get. As long as she believes that then she will feel happy and secure in the relationship. But if she believes, consciously or subconsciously, that she can do better then she'll become restless and you'll never get peace (she also won't orgasm or have a very difficult time climaxing). Even worse, unless she's self actualized which most women aren't, she won't understand why she's feeling the way she does which will make her even more anxious and neurotic and her behavior will reflect that...
Very true!
True. I had a friends gf tell me single women beyond 30 are too complex to handle... generally.
Good words, all meaningful.
I had to make this decision with a combative wife. While I wanted my family, I knew I didn't want to live my life miserably with a terrible Wife who was never happy and would eventually cheat/leave anyway. I initiated the divorce and while I had to go through a lot of post-divorce drama including multiple legal battles to maintain and defend my parenting time, I don't regret my decision at all.
My ex wife, divorced... New girlfriend, my boat my journey she's welcome to come along for it until I or her no longer want to share the journey. Men, never let a woman drag you onto her boat and take you her way, she will never respect or treat you properly and likely they will cheat. You are the captain of the boat, lead the way
As society becomes more and more polygynous due to unleashed hypergamy this will only become more common unfortunately. Guys (and clued up girls) try to save your male friends and family. Most men go into a relationship on the back foot and need to know how vulnerable they are.
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows because divorce and employment laws favor women so men cannot maintain frame except by self deception explaining why women file 80% of divorces.
I agree with these comments!!! I spent 20 years with a woman that told me I had to marry her, or we were broken up. I married her after 2 years of dating. We had kids, bought houses.. etc..
All I could ever do was never enough. I broke down one day and told her that I was sad- I was answered very quickly with “if you are not happy with me, we should get a divorce!” It took 3 years to get her to accept my offer of divorce… which was very bleak for her.
My credit score is going UP! I have bought 2 cars that I couldn’t afford before now! I also have moments of a positive self esteem.
A good strong woman will build her man, and enter his frame!
My last relationship ended because I became aware of this. Man that was never going to work
Yeah, i found my self dating a crazy BPD / Narc gf 5 years on then 5 off. She then came back, i thought maybe she'd shanged. Lasted 1 year, kept my frame and was watching her words vs actions. Kept the frame and told my needs. Results, just stress. Only solution: Bye Felicia!
I was dating this girl. I got pressured by her to make it "official." I thought I was seeing the world from a new perspective, but in reality, I was letting her change who I was. I was living in her frame. She was always telling me stories about work and what not trying to invite me in her world of drama. I felt stuck. Eventually, she dumped me because I wasn't allotting us enough time together. Honestly, I'm grateful for the experience because now I know that as a man, I need to be the leader. That was my first real relationship, so now I know exactly how to approach my next one. Thanks for the video!!
I get what you mean by "official" as making it public so everyone knows, I think that's pretty common? How are you letting that change your identity? Unless you mean you didn't want to date her seriously but she is forcing you to and then you compromised. I think it's a process of getting to know yourself, what kind of person you want to be with, how much time you have for dating, etc. don't put too much pressure on yourself to lead, as long as you know what you want and communicate to others,(they need to respect that) you can try to understand others perspective, but in the end intelligent people will respect your decision and not try to pressure you to change you, 'cause your true wants and needs will resurface again.
@jjbuzz9230 Sorry I didn't convey that well. What I meant by changing my identity is that our values and beliefs were a little too different, but I just overlooked that. But yeah, I didn't wanna take her seriously, and I compromised. You're 100% right.
I was a Catholic priest for thirteen years and a diocesan spiritual director. This channel is solid advice for all walks of life.
Thank you for giving à spiritual feedback, as it is difficult for us believers to have the kind of advice he provides in the church
My aunt is a catholic nun. I heard it is common for nuns that are already 20 to 25 years in the covenant to have a change of her. That is just life people change and mature.
Oh really, interesting. I would really like to know why you gave up a religious life, to start a family...
@@anthonyanyanwu6303 priests don’t usually lead a celibate life, you’re thinking of monks.
@@MitsurugiR They do or at least they are supposed to. I am cradle Catholic, and I know that Catholic priests take a vow of chastity, obedience and poverty.
This channel is a breath of fresh air. I’ve been going through video after video, for 2 hours already. It’s nice to hear some common sense for a change!!! All the love man!
My good friend asked me that question when I confided issues to him.. "What do YOU want?” was the question my friend posed and signaled a turning point in my perception that cannot be undone. He was like my Morpheus.
I need to listen to this every day for the next six months. Figuring out what you want is not just a relationship thing, it's a life thing. What I actually want from a woman is a decision I still need to make, but more to the point, I think men can easily fall into a lifestyle, because bills need to be paid and a man does what needs done and now we are what we are, all without ever realizing there was a choice. Is this all I am, all I'm ever going to be? Am I better than this? Am I something else entirely? What would I do and who would I be if I could decide for myself?
Humans are a sexually dysmorphic species and women file 80% of divorces because divorce laws favor them. Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows because women have power over men and thus men cannot fully maintain frame except by self deception.
I also recommend the videos from Rollo Tomossi (Rational Male) and Rich Cooper (Entrepreneurs in Cars). There's a lot of content out there to get "nice guy" men (like I used to be) to become solid men (going about their purpose in life, and allowing women to enter their frame).
@@Raymond7779you still are a nice guy
Those are the important questions. Hopefully we'll we have the courage to take the actions necessary to arrive at the answers. We are definitely more and may we live accordingly.
It's true. I've been living in my wife's FRAME. I'm the provider, I do everything. Paid the bills, cooking, cleaning.
When I got sick - which I still am - I asked for help. It's been 4 years, I'm getting no help, life is the same and I do everything. Sometimes, I pray for death, but I know my boys, who are in elementary, still need me. That's how men are, we build and provide. We don't want to start over, we don't want to deal with emotional issues. Sometimes, it seems, in my life, nothing I do is enough. I think the most important decision a man can make, is who they choose as their mate.
You are trapped by the love you have for your children which is understandable. However, at some point the worm must turn not just for your sake but for theirs. You are their blueprint so you have to dig deep and find the courage to lead the relationship/family unit. If your partner doesn't follow, then not only are you condemning yourself to a future of servitude to your wife you're also setting the blueprint for your children too. The change doesn't have to be confrontational or explosive just clearly thought out and firm. Avoid ultimatums but make it clear things have to change otherwise the end of the line is in sight. She may call your bluff and you'll have to follow through for any respect left to come your way. This course of action will mentally free you regardless of outcome. Stay together and she starts pulling her weight with new found respect or she fucks off and know deep down your better off without her. Btw it's amazing how many times women fuck off out of foolish pride then come crawling back after you've shown backbone by showing them the door! Good luck 🤞
I think communication is very important. Maybe you can let her know how you feel, be honest and courageous, some people don't have the ability to think in other people shoes then you have to hammer it to them, maybe try to take a third person's view and explain to her your current situation. I find communicating in our own perspective is very difficult for a stubborn, uncaring person to understand
I pray it get better brother but let’s be honest you created this monster and allowed this……
1. How can a man paying all the bills, have to clean (all the time) and do everything?
2. Us men need to be more stern and learn to say no and be in our frame…..sound like your relationship was about pleasing her
3. Us me do build and provide and we must either find a women who is grateful or TRAIN our women to be grateful
Praying for you, brother.
I guarantee that if this guy moved to Indiana and did exactly what this woman wanted, she would NOT respect him for it. Also, you are so right in that she probably thinks SHE is doing this guy a favor by giving him an opportunity to enter HER frame. I'm SO done with relationships.
Moving is not the problem.
What he did after that is a problem.
Why are you "SO done with relationships"? Just because a woman wants something, doesn't mean you have to say yes. You can say NO. That will actually increase her respect for you. Men just don't know how to hold frame, and say NO. Say NO.
Because I'm not enough for anybody. @@max_rove
I am a massive romantic, I wanted to get married since i was like four haha but i always sensed that part of loving was being masculine and bad ass and finding a girl that looks upto you. Not finding the nearest women and blindly attempting to make her "happy".
Men are romantic, women are opportunistic.
Basically, think of a picture frame with a painting in it.
Is the painting how YOU want it or is the painting how SHE wants it?
Always be in YOUR frame, always!
Humans are a sexually dysmorphic species and women file 80% of divorces. Make it make sense. Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows and half of women in every generation after boomers are childless, rightfully.
The funny thing about this is that this woman is desperate, she's approaching the end of her reproductive cycle and this is the only man with whom she can realistically get what she wants. He has much more negotiation power than she does. And even with all the cards favouring him, he was still being dragged into her demands.
I bet she's doing this simultaneously with other men. He's probably just one of her best options.
It's not funny IT IS THE NORM...woman are so GOOD at manipulation that they bring NOTHING to the table but still manage to be IN CHARGE...most dudes are just CLUELESS
You always hear simp husband's say...HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE, MY WIFE IS IN CHARGE, LET ME ASK MY WIFE...you never hear it the other way around
Thanks man your value is incredible I hope you write a book cause I need this wisdom on pages
Thanks for the love, Chris. I'm working on it
Until Dr Taraban writes a book, read Rollo Tomassi's book The Rational Male.
The content provided on this channel is top notch, but this video is by far the best I have seen yet. Thank you. Can confirm this from my own experience. She'll walk all over you if you let her and lose all respect for you in the process.
Completely agree. It would be great if Dr Orion does more of these case study type videos. This case study was great.
Bro you need to read old PUA blogs. This concept of FRAME is cornerstone from when you approach a woman, when you get in relationship with a woman and when you married with a woman.
@@geovani_marketing Any recommendations?
Every man should watch this before he watches dating. Solid advice.
“Ignore what the FUCK she wants!”
😀🤣😂
So this video covers: Developing boundaries, Expectations/Standards, developing an image of life direction. I believe whoever provides more deserves more control over decisions in the relationship but there should always be a sense of genuine mutual agreement with at most a little compromise from both parties. The people in the relationship should have a 'north star' of the life they want and quickly find out if they align with each other. it saves the 'frame' struggle if both parties find themselves to be in agreement more often.
In the event the person you're with has a strong sense of life direction, either make sure they align with yours or end the relationship
If they don’t have the above, just provide to the level that they trust your leadership and show your partner where you want to go.
If only I listened to this 10 years ago, general rule, If she’s making her problem your problem, that’s a huge red flag 🚩
Also, she can move in with you, but I’d advise from ever moving in with her, nothing good can come, and she’ll feel like she’s taking you in and resent you for it.
Dude, I can't tell you how helpful listening to your channel has been the last 4 days. Again, the perspective has been great. Listening to you made me realize I need to fire and replace my own therapist, she has literally not been helpful at all. Anyways, cheers mate.
Excellent!! It is important to ask ourselves what we want in life. No only bcs of women or what people may be wanting fom us, but that's a way to avoid that days pass and we do nothing with real value for ourselves.
Had to learn this the hard way, just got out of my first longterm relationship. We met at 23 years old and I didn’t have any path/goal I was working towards in life I was just taking it day by days and going with whatever she wanted the majority of the time. She convinced me to let her move in after 9 months of dating and needless to say the relationship became very toxic and she ended up leaving. I don’t fully blame her even though she had a lot of trauma she wasn’t willing to work on. I have to take responsibility for having no “FRAME” as a man and I was essentially playing the woman’s role in the relationship. You live and you learn. Luckily still fairly young at 25 and will make sure I develop a solid frame for my life and what I truly want from a partner before the next relationship. Great video!
True, you can't live in someone else's frame and maintain a healthy sense of self. It takes time and commitment to yourself and your significant other to make a new frame together that enriches who each of you are.
This video may have just saved my life
My mentor, Graham used to say, "A man is like a train, it doesn't stop and go like a car. You don't stop for a woman, she has to jump on or get left".
Psy.D.
You nailed this one.
Her frame is stronger then his.
Simple as that.
If he wants to keep his frame he must let her go.
Loving is unconditionaly giving... right?
🖖
No. I don't think so. Romantic love is transactional.
Back in the day, a woman I started dating kept telling me to go out with her to fancy restaurants, and I was young and dumb, and so I went along with it. After several dates outside in expensive restaurants which she chose, I finally told her “Let’s meet up in my place”, and she said “let’s go out again”. I told her “goodbye” and met up with another girl at my place that same night. And from that day on I have never gone out on a fancy date with any woman prior to sex. Later on, if they get on my program, I gladly take them out to fancy places, they earned it.
What you described happens all the time. In my experience, if she is really into you, she will not care about going out to fancy restaurants.
Same. Except the women was telling me men are toxic while she ate the lobster i bought her. Insane.
So they prostituted themselves for lobster? Got it - no wonder I look down on my own kind.
But none of these women "that earned it" you respected and will build an actual relationship with to have a family. You treat them like props in your life.
@@cevanille1104Respect? You do know that women are the ones who Really need to respect their men so that a good marriage can happen, and men are the ones who Really need to love their women so that a good marriage can happen. Having said that, if a woman I’m with behaves like a woman - submissive, respectful and generous with her sex, I respect her as a woman, because she is behaving like a woman should. Just like she respects me when I show characteristics of a man worthy of her respect. Women respect, men love. I’m not saying men can’t respect women or that women can’t love men, I’m saying that it’s Way more important for a man to love his woman, and it’s Way more important for a woman to respect her man.
Remember: ask what YOU WANT. Fucking priceless 🤜🏼
Thanks for this. I have finally recognized what happened in my most recent relationship. I am a 60 yo Asian man who finally dated an Asian woman. Everything was amazing. I told her my goals and dreams of how I was going to retire and live on a very good pension. As time passed I didn’t move into her frame but she essentially stole my frame. Instead of me giving an inheritance to my daughter she was wrangling an inheritance for her kids. Wanting me to pay 2/3s of everything but she and her kids getting 2/3s of the wealth I had built up. The disrespect and brinkmanship was brought to the table every time there a need to discuss and work out a comprise. It never happened. Finally there was one piece of frame that she could not violate… the well being of my daughter. That ended the relationship.
The way your articulate concepts is second to none. Very impressive!
Indeed. A woman may use SIGN language on you when you make your frame known. Know that you are not being selfish but communicating your expectations while leaving some room for compromise. Protecting and providing is a huge responsibility so you deserve getting what you want in exchange 🤓
My boyfriend phoned me up - I answered - he said that I would have to choose between him and my sport, polo. I said I'll have to give it some thought but right now, "I'm late for my game." Great guy and very dedicated doctor. I still like to remember him the way he was. No regrets.
So thing is why it is so much easier for a man to focus on his mission and not on the relationship .
I was struggling in similar situation for a year, and didn't even realise that I never wanted a relationship until I came across your video.
I need not Sacrifice my comfort and my time just to prove that I care. Such a relief.
Thank you for uploading.
Every female wants a relationship...the guy is just low value. The problem is not relationship the problem is YOU DONT RESPECT HIM.
That's why men should NEVER ASK A WOMAN FOR A RELATIONSHIP...THE WOMAN MUST ALWAYS ALWAYS ASK.
@@zuibeckpulezon4626 Priorities changes with time. Love never dies . I chose good memories over suffocation as I don't seem to fit in his frame .
@aryabarve9066 u call it suffocation? He loves u. But u will learn ur lesson. Don't complain when u meet a man that is emotionally unavailable and doesn't care. Then u start asking "where have all the good men gone"?
@@aryabarve9066if your principles, beliefs, and core values didn't align. Then i agree with you leaving. Being in a man's frame is not a bad thing. But it is terrible for a man to be in the womans frame
Frame also applies to parents-children relationships. I put it in different terms, that in a family either the parents are the alphas or the child/children are. My observation is that when the child/children are the alphas, own the frame, everyone is miserable and anxious all the time. It's unnatural. Same with men and women. I have never met a woman who dominated her husband and was happy.
Men must treat women like children that is the only happy and natural relationship
@@Mastermind111111 They do have a lot in common, yes.
I love how you don't care about cursing
Anyone feels like relationship is too much work nowadays? Constant "frame", "boundaries", "asset guarding", "game", "look-maxing"... All that work, in return for... what exactly?
Building and maintaining a relationship is hard work sometimes( everything in life worth having is ) but not because of the things you mentioned most of which are non words that don't actually mean anything to people who don't spend inordinate amounts of time on the Internet.
Divorce and family law as well as Affirmative Action, favor women so men maintain frame only within feminine power on a societal level. This is why women file 80% of divorces and marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows. This guy can only help the lowest common denominator.
Isn’t it fun how the cycle of life and evolution accidentally disproves its own supposed value? 😁
@@forgottenfuryanFeminine power is also in the police force and pretty much any authority structure will favor women. Best to leave the West and get some balance.
@@dr.winstonsmith
It's super obvious why no one with z platform talks about this. Follow the money. This guy and those like him can only help the lowest common denominator, the rest he leaves in the dark intentionally.
Lessons learned too late. Entered her life and frame and now 2 kids later forever linked with her. Going to go for better in my life and for my kids future. Stay up men💪🏾
This is your BEST VIDEO, hands down, Doctor O!! Salute!
Where were you when I needed you 15 years ago? Lol. I was extremely codependent, naïve, and literally allowing women to control me. I thought I was being loving. Huge mistake. Now I have learned otherwise. But I have the scars to show. But that’s OK, I also have the wisdom of that experience, and I have a great life. Onward!
10:39 _and then when you meet a woman that you like you can say, "this is me."_
Wow! That was my attitude a little over 18 years ago when I met my wife. I actually didn't care if my now wife liked me at the time because I had just left a compromising relationship where I had completely lost my frame. So when I met my wife I had an attitude of this is me, take it or leave it.
Now after 17 years of marriage I realize I lost my frame again but I also realize I never really understood the concept to begin with. I'm the pathetic "nice guy" trying to avoid conflicts and bending over backwards to please my wife... and not getting _"any"_ for it.
Every guy needs to hear this. Will share
That’s why is crucial to make sure the both of of you are are in alignment on your values and personal ethos. So neither have to abandon significant underpinnings of their own ideals to make it work. Requires some deep thought and awareness, sometimes clarity occurs a little later in life.
I completely agree with these areas being the priority for establishing a long-term relationship that can grow positively for both.
I have had the hardest time explaining this concept. FRAME. I can use it now. I recognized as a teenager that everything my mom said she wanted out of a relationship with my father was never in him to do. She had basically acquiesced to his decisions, yet he constantly belittled her. There was a lot more going on, of course, but what I noticed as a daughter was that my mom felt that what she wanted didn't matter and she grew resentful about it. I realized too that everything she said she wanted she never tried to put into practice. And because he is much better at manifesting what he wants in reality, he gets his way. It's funny. I totally identify with that mantra "a man is not a plan" and I tell people that my dad taught me how to be a feminist, haha. Because I followed his example, I know better how to get my way. I just think I'm learning now in my late 30's that there's a way to get what I want without making others resent me... if it CAN be helped.
holy moly shit you have just dropped the veil from my eyes- after kids - this is exactly what happened - dammit i am going to go on my wilderness nature trips and invite people to MY house i am the one who bleeping paid for it - holy moly you just opened my eyes and its so simple - i guess i just needed someone who feels credible to say it- somehow i feel like i have always gotten the opposite message from the world about being a good man
Dude ya spitting straight gospel on this one and you've honestly reinvigorated my outlook on life. You're hands down one of the best shrinks on here (that I've found).. keep up the good work and much love from Australia 🤙
This makes so much sense! I'm currently going through a divorce after 16 years of marriage and this is at the heart of why we are divorcing: she always wanted things her way. And as this was my first and only serious relationship, I had no clue about frame or anything.
Also, when I met her we were both very religious and as I was already in the ministry full time, I truly believed that my life was not my own and that my goal was to be a servant to Christ and others, starting with my family. I was taught that leaders are servants first, and that making my own decisions without praying for God's will was living "in the flesh". So just the idea that I can think about what I want to do and do it, I would have considered it sinful. It was such a mind fuck.
I really enjoy your videos because it's teaching many things which I simply never new. Thanks so much!
Women have also a fallen, beastly nature like we do. They are not gods. So you can't be too idealistic with them.. they have animalistic needs like hypergamy, hybristophilia, need for male leadership, challenging your authority from time to time etc
Very similar story, brother. Divorced after 12 years and 2 children. The “Church,” is currently the biggest purveyor of blue pills out there. They only ever emphasize “Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the Church,” I.e. sacrificially. Totally ignore and disparage “Wives, submit to your husband because he is your head, as Christ is Head of the Church.” The Whole Truth was there in PLAIN SIGHT in Ephesians ch. 5. all along. “Let God be true and every man a liar.” 🤦🏻♂️
Be encouraged: yes, we were misled, but “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Now you are entering a new season of discovery. Godspeed.
So what is your mindset now, I'm a Christian too and wanna know how you take this in that context
@@luk1010 issue is most women irrespective of the doctrine they claim to belong to, still have female nature. And appreciate masculinity, leadership, putting her in her place etc. But all most flow very naturally and happen lovingly not opressing. If it's a facade or an insecurity women will see through it like a castle with glass walls. So you gotta learn how to be a man in a few words.
I'm not christian so I can't really understand, serving god = marry any woman that wants you to? Are you sure this is what the script tells you to? I have a different belief but generally consider christians, buddhist, taoists to be reasonable, however I do think the ancients scripts are hard to understand
i watched this just after blocking my ex on all platforms. thank you.
What an excellent video. Thank you! My ex has been pestering me to move to where she moved. Not once has she considered what I might want. We went through this before and it split us apart. I have been struggling with this for months. I have decided to live within my own frame where I thrive and grow. I cannot cave again and live within her frame and be the 4th wheel after her dog. I hope that other men can see how important it is to live in your own frame and not be sucked into someone elses. It is critical. Peace
Interesting in that I'd never thought of "frame" before. Been with the same woman many years and I have always done the things I've wanted to and she has come along for the ride or let me do what I have to....and yet I can see that I am fully domesticated as the majority provider, the husband[ry] in the other meaning of this word. Anyway it works as she performs the role of wife very well. Mutual respect for what we have with and have given/give each other. She does her thing, I do mine and we both do some things together. Mutual framing?
No wonder...this explains my relationship and everything that was happening. I just couldn't place a finger on why I was felt I was being "handled". My mind is blown right now. Maybe I need a consultation. I just didn't want to exist in her frame...
Thank you Doctor.🙏 I've got some new work to be doing.
I read a quote recently that applies here perfectly:
"Men are told to do the right thing.
Women are told to do the right thing for them."
Wow, I just found your channel today, and I'm glad I did. I will be sharing your channel link with my family and friends.
Your frame also has to do with how you handle women at their best, AND how to handle them at their worst. Your game, ability to pass fitness tests, ability to understand female nature, and to “be the oak” aka work with her yet be immovable. Is crucial to a healthy relationship and life for a man. Frame is more than just socioeconomic state, it’s huge with how you handle living the inevitable pains-in-the-ass moments only a woman can provide. If you don’t have frame, you will be in your wife’s until she cheats on you and leaves you. Every time
Men are too easily sold the line 'happy wife, happy life' And it's not true - at least not in the context that most men think about that cliche. You need to know what you want and need as a man. Once you show you're a passive participant, it's often all down hill from there.
Sounds like learn how to take abuse from women because they are women. SMH I learn how to understand their are other women which do not oppose such abuse tactics into my life and deal with those women accordingly.
Learn your ATTACHMENT STYLE!!
Learn what the “unmet needs” are of that attachment style!!
When you get into a relationship, figure out what her ATTACHMENT STYLE is. THEN figure out what her attachment styles “unmet needs” are.
They are based around each attachment styles “core wounds.”
Recap:
Attachment Style
Unmet Needs
Core Wounds
I promise you will hear this amazing Vid at a different level!
First time I see him Cursing 😂😂😂 he is so proper and educated that he surprised me. I love your videos and content. Thank you fir saving Manhood
The guy im interested in is inviting me into his frame. I feel so special now!
This man has done it again. Great topic
I wish I had access to such an important episode 10 years ago. Everything that Dr Orion explained here I learned by my own mistakes.
Finally, there is somebody advising men. All the advice has previously been directed to women that men got into relationships and marriages and didn't know what they wanted leading to no investment (emotional, materially etc) in the relationship leading to so much pain for women and families. Men need more of this. Keep it up!!
This all happened to me in my marriage. Living in her frame, following her to other cities for her job. I'm single but happier. Fortunately (for me) no children. Thank you!
I am thriving in my frame now and happy not giving a fuck what a female wants. ❤ your channel.
Brilliant as usual and so on point 👏
3:56 yeeees! This is so sad, but all my male acquaintances (coworkers, relatives etc) often don’t know what they want at all! Men are supposed to be providers and leaders in the family, yet they cannot even listen to themselves and only cater to their girlfriends needs. Maybe they think this is great and their girlfriends would appreciate it, but in fact all the adequate and feminine women I know want a man who is sure what HE wants and needs. Being with such a man never causes anxiety or excessive drama.
Men think because he is 'providing' that he is the one in control and that he is the 'boss' because he makes the most but if you read 'The Manipulated Man' you understand the man is simply going to work every day for the WOMAN and that she is the boss of the situation and that he is STUCK in that role when a mans true identity is FREEDOM and CHOICE which he no longer has due to her.
They have been taught lies by society and emphasized by feminists that being very agreeable and agreeing to what women ask often or all the time will make them very appreciative of them and also that is what a chivalrous or gentlemanly person should do. The reality is that those are actually most subconscious shit tests or even at times deliberate ones to test the frame and willingness to stand up for oneself, and when one fails repeatedly, very often, and or/spectacularly, attraction diminishes. Just because attraction diminishes does not mean that the woman will not be willing to continue to use you as a resource provider to the fullest. Why not?
Happen to me as a naive 25 year old. This video confirmed my situation
Oof I didn't expect this to be so inspirational, I just walked in for a regular lecture. This guy is effective.
Doc literally saving lives. A real life angel.
I remember an episode from Alex Grace talking about frame as well.. makes perfect sense.
In order for her to live in your world, you gotta build it first. Stay on your purpose, do not fixate on outcomes, just build what you want how you want. Then, be VERY cautious about who you let into your world. Invite, never push, and keep moving. You cannot negotiate attraction.
I think frame is much more comprehensive than just this example. Not a bad example it’s just the most meta version imo.
Great video. Maintaining frame is incredibly important with anyone in your life
Best admonition yet...!!!! spot on. this is how it needs to be delivered . men need to wake up.
Great content - thank you! You're actually the best coach out there for men! I have done this misframing mistake so many times.. Now I'll have it my way!!
Loved it when I saw the topic of this short talk. Most conflicts for control that women wage in some way shape or form is really a battle between whence frame will bear true and be the perspective in which the relationship is transacted. Well done Orion.
Dating relationships are best when when each person can share in the frame of the other and if they decide to marry then they can both decide a healthy balance between the two frames.
Stay tuned.
I use the analogy of a railway track, two separate rails going in the same direction but independent. Simple but works for me. Giving and taking a little delivers that healthy balance. Totally agree with your single-sentence reply.
This frame concept is incredible and has opened my eyes to the world of relationships. This is awesome
Thanks a lot for the great advice and supporting men everywhere.