How to RESIST becoming EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED: get a poker face
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- čas přidán 28. 12. 2023
- It is extremely important that men resist becoming emotionally attached to any given woman until she has been appropriately vetted for a relationship. If they allow their attraction to dictate their emotional involvement, then they might eventually have to choose between what is right and good for them, and what they have already decided to love. This is a painful choice that can be avoided with a little restraint and discernment. In this episode, I'll talk about how to do this.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
It is extremely important that men resist becoming emotionally attached to any given woman until she has been appropriately vetted for a relationship. If they allow their attraction to dictate their emotional involvement, then they might eventually have to choose between what is right and good for them, and what they have already decided to love. This is a painful choice that can be avoided with a little restraint and discernment. In this episode, I'll talk about how to do this.
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
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Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
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Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
TBH, theoretically you was right but the practical advices were bullshit pretty much.
I thought you were spot on, also practical. "Don't be stupid" is excellent advice too many (young) men do not take to heart anymore. They let themself get played and "hooked" by the first hooker who gives them the eye. My only remark would be about the "minimal 6 months" time frame. Personally i would move that into the direction of 1 year.
You recently posted a video on the men's double blind and how to flip the script into the "recruiter - candidate" dynamic - when will you be posting the videos on how to effectively sell the candidate and pull back, as you described? Excellent videos, all of these. So clear and so accurately distilled, truly useful.
The Achiles joke was legendary.
Broken people play manipulative games like this. Secure people are transparent, upfront from the start. Sure, take time in getting to know someone before investing 100%. It’s called being WISE!! Something most men have difficulty with because their sex drive clouds their judgement and leads the way. Whose fault is that? The woman or yours? Take some responsibility. Learn discernment and stop blaming women for your poor choices. There are shitty women and there are good women. Learn the difference and choose wisely.
"If you spend more and more time with the mental construct of a woman in the privacy of your own consciousness, you are basically training yourself to fall in love with the idea of who she is"- Dr. Orion T. I'm never leaving this quote behind.
Up!
2❤1😊
I did this when I was 21 and believed in love. It's a young man's mistake. Now I have the opposite problem; I haven't had so much as a crush in 15 years.
@@taylorc2542which do you prefer?
A woman will show you who she really is after 3 months or so. And when she does, believe her.
If she's not around, don't think about her. Best piece of wisdom I have received in probably 5 years. I'm a mature man and still fall into this trap. It can really F up your day, or week if you start doing it.
great wise tip
If you do not think about her all the time you will get bored of her soon and this is the end. A man can not stand his own lukewarm feelings. Thats the reality. A man wants the true hardcore feelings. If the feelings are lukewarm from start then there is no future. Fact.
@@bradbettis9210 nope. Its a stupid tip.
@@marguskiis7711 I disagree. I don’t think it is stupid at all. Just because it may not work for you …
@@marguskiis7711 Not necessarily true. Balance is important, but hey, do whatever works for you.
"If you're looking up to her, she's looking down on you" well said 👍
as a woman I FULLY disagree
@@nfvjgrofgjvoldlkgvloand thats why no one should take anything you say seriously. women just say stuff to make them look good and caring. we know your true nature.
100% agree women are righteous and don't even realize most of the time they talking gibberish
Chill out guys, I'm not here to bash women, just understand them better. Take your hatred somewhere else.
@@chrisolson84 Bro what?🤣🤣since when is speaking facts hatred? Get your soft ahh outta here🤣
A wise grandfather said: "Love her but do not be in love with her". That applies for the entire length of the relationship. If she can't do any wrong, then you fell in love. Big mistake.
How you can love if you never fall in love? Theoretically it is possible BUT if you never was in love then the relatiinship will not last in todays world. Just because a man can not stand his own lukewarm feelings. It was possible in the ruram society where it was impossible to divorce.
@@marguskiis7711 -- Men need women for passing on his genes to the next generations. That's the only real need men have for women (to do procreational s3x with). Everything else (recreational s3x, companionship) are nice to have. But falling in love is always disastrous for men. So men must get r-pilled. That will protect them from falling in love.
@@marguskiis7711 What i imagine the sentence means is: if you had a father or a mother that you love. Thats love, not falling in love. You care for them, you are capable of see they can do wrong.
You can love someone the same way, without putting anyone at God's altar. Like a saint or something.
Then what is the point? Might as well not waste time and resources on love with that in mind.
@@MitsurugiR -- love is a modern artificially imposed requirement in modern marriages. It has no ground in reality. It is created by novels and movies. Throughout history, people got married without considering love as pre- requisite. Those marriages lasted forever. Love is real but it is neither required nor sufficient in a successful marriage.
This became VERY easy for me just recently, when I woke up to an epiphany that no one and nothing belongs to me, or owes me anything - that the only things I ‘own’ are things that are WITHIN my control, and everything outside of my control is temporary.
True, but difficult to accept.
Yup! And ironically, the releasing of expectations makes things more harmonious
Reminds me of Stoic Philosophy 😁
And with that realization, it becomes obvious… that you owe no one anything either 💡
@@divinedestiny22 Can you explain why, please?
Life gave me this lesson the hard way. Dont put anyone on a pedestal, and know that life can change in any moment.
Very wise words.. "don't fall in love with the idea of the person but the person themselves"
men are blinded by a woman's sexuality & physical beauty... they both make us 'stupid' and we make bad decisions based on how good she looks.
women are blinded by a man's potential... who she THINKS he will become or the man she can MAKE him, ie. a project for her ego.
That really is good, been doing this all my life 😞
Yep. I used to get high off the very thought of my crush.
Which is okay i guess as long as u don’t plan to be with the person.
I never had a Father, who would teach me all these things... so it's very important for me to hear this! Thanks, Doc!
I think its rare for Dad’s to teach sons about this or in many cases for the son to listen to Dad.
@@kimmorrison9169 True! We gonna have to become those kinds of Dads!
So true for so many of us. I didn't have it either and it's tough to learn later on, but I'm happy I'm at least on the path
@@NilsMacQ Aaayy, good luck to ya, m8! ^_^ And good luck to all of us who needs it!
Our fathers did not know anything too.
I think that people that are emotional and start trauma bonding at the beginning probably have avoidant/anxious attachment styles. Its a bit like the shooting star analogy. The stars that burn the brightest, fizzle out the quickest. Ideally, both you and your date should be emotionally stable and have secure attachment styles.
But realistically, you won't. The world's full of broken people, not perfect people
Agree. It takes time to get to know a person.
A good argument on the importance of being "friends" first. It's the PUA lifestyle that pushes that whole "Don't wait too long to make a move, etc"I challenge guys reading this to poll their female friends on annoys them the most about guys in the romantic context (or the pursuit of it) it will likely be something “he always wants to rush things”@@thepragmatist
This right here!
Truer words have never been spoken. I’m an anxious style married to an avoidant
Experienced divorce lawyer here. “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk away from in 30 seconds flat….” - Neil McCauley (played by Robert De Niro) in the diner scene in the 1995 movie Heat. I see too many guys get tripped up by abandoning their purpose and passions when they think they met “the one”. Stay focused. Protect yourself to the greatest extent possible under the laws of your jurisdiction. Most women are controlled by their emotions. Emotions constantly change. Divorce and family laws do NOT favor ambitious, successful men. Even if you have done nothing wrong. Stay safe out there! Keep the family courts OUT of your life and finances.
Best advice on détachement, dont need me (says the lawyer). Thank you for the logic sir and put into practice of the words.
Relationships are dead, and people are having a hard time to figure this out. When the State get the saying in relationships, you know it's done. Navigate this minefield at your own risk.
Oh man. I’m from the old school of thought… you just stay married. Speak kindly to each other.
'until you trust someone else with your money, don't trust them with your heart' WOW THAT REALLY PUTS IT INTO PERSPECTIVE. Your secrets truly are more precious than your money, so why this way isn't thought often.
Men commonly ask first, but she chooses from all the men that have asked her. You can't invest emotions until she chooses you back and falls for the man first. If she doesn't chose you, then it won't work.
Usually women who choose a man are plain desperate and very problematic.
that... actually is a perfect explanation as to why mwn should wait and hold back their feelings at the beginning
RIGHT !! YOU have to wait untill SHE... has fallin' in love with YOU 😊
@@reiniermuntjewerff874 and both will stay alone forever as it it is now commonly 🤪
Approach and invite never pursue or chase. Once you have an early relationship going, sit back and let her come to you. Never talk about your ex's. Never talk about your fails and screw ups in life. Never talk about your weaknesses, insecurities, or fears. Not even if you've been together for many years. Vet, vet, and vet some more. Pay attention to her actions not her words. See if she is entering your frame. See if she earns her way into your life. Just because she's attractive and the sex is good doesn't make her a good LTR. Your also looking for those other qualities which are more important. Fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, loyal, easy to get along with, genuine desire, shared values and goals, etc.
Excellent post.
I agree 100%. Your errors are none of her business. If you are talking about these sorts of things why not just eat a big fat booger in front of her too? If she is probing for these sorts of things just say that you prefer to focus on the future you want and what you are doing now to get there.
Great advice .
Usually women who want some man themselves are plain desperate.
@@RupertMcGruber more like some idealistic bullshit
To resist becoming emotinally attached, you have to control three things -
1. Mentally Obsessing about someone
2. Communicating Constantly
3. Being to emotionally Vulnerable
These three things how people fall love each other.
What is wrong with falling in love
@@ninajohnson8389 there's nothing wrong. I have just summarized 3 points from videos and this video is about how to resist.
I waited for 1.5 years before emotionally attaching. We made it 11 years then she ditched me basically for being too attached. Which was exactly the opposite of why my previous relationship ended and something I though I was doing good work to improve. Moral: Recreational use only because anything beyond that will only improve your life 1% in exchange for the 70%+ probability she'll make up a reason to exit with more than 50% of your shit.
When we compensate for past mistakes, we tend to swing the pendulum too far. Don't do it again the other way 🙂
The problem is that you were never authentic. The one you were with for 11 years wanted the unattached man that you portrayed to be. She was probably an avoidant, and thought you were perfect for her…but you were not because you were repressing.
Now, you make the same illogical (and emotionally driven conclusion) that all women are the same, and to be used “recreationally”. You think you are protecting yourself from pain, but in reality attracting the same women who will hurt you. Do the work and get to know yourself, and you will learn to trust your judgement.
Or you got learn something from your mistakes?
50% of the assets plus spousal support, plus her attorney fees plus child support -- basically 75% of your shit.
Wrong again. Therapy will help you immeasurably.
This relationship instruction is a something 95% of men know nothing about.
I wish I knew this 30 years ago.
Thank you for sharing this Orion🙏
Once again you nailed it Orion. I just got out of another 6 month relationship where the "lovely lady" was much younger and love bombed me into falling in love with her just to really find out who she really was after I let her move in with me. The break up was messy to say the least lol. You really don't know someone until 6 to 9 months at least.
So what did you learn, if anything? Women don't lovebomb, men get lovebombed. It's on you.
@@wreagfe I've learned a lot from my suffering because I asked myself the hard questions. I've found out the truths about my emotional weaknesses I've carried since my childhood and how I've looked towards a woman to attempt to "fix or heal" my deep wounds I experienced as a young child. Yes I'm aware nothing can happen to me that I don't allow. I was drawn to someone who was deeply flawed as I was and vice versa.
@@wreagfe women do lovebomb like crazy, in my experience. Sometimes they are genuine (at least it seemed so), and sometimes they are manipulative. Most men succumb to women's lovebombing.
You never know 20 years later too btw.
@@greendroid77 Man, once you become conscious of how your unmet childhood needs control your romantic behavior it all becomes so much simpler.
I was with my wife for over 38 year before she passed away from cancer. You've got to get emotionally attached because that is what a committed relationship is all about. What's the point otherwise? A relationship without emotional attachment is not a relationship, it's friends with benefits.
It sounds like you didn't watch the whole video
Very sorry for your loss. You are correct. If there's no emotion, what's the point? Either you've got a relationship or you don't. And you can only protect yourself so much. What if a guy waits 6 months before attaching and she dumps him in the 7th month? Love is risk. Take the risk of getting hurt early so you can either love hard at the start or move on to the next opportunity quick. Otherwise, you could waste 6 months of your life and possibly miss out on someone else you could have met.
I think the danger is in misplacing the emotional attachment via falling for fantasies; perhaps, in people who don't actually want committed relationship with you; perhaps, in someone who doesn't see or accept you for who you are. Once you find the right person, after you yourself can love an accept yourself - maybe it's 6 months or 6 years, hope it's not 60 years, it would be worth-while.
Falling too early was the point of the video. Sorry for your loss by the way.
Sounds like you got very very lucky and got one that can operate outside of their base programming
I will be listening to this video for the next 10 years until it is ingrained in my memory.
🤣🤣🤣
do keep out of relationships until then!!
The video summed up my experience of dating. How foolish I have been to fall in love with the idea of a person, rather than the actual person. So painful especially when I have been love bombed! So very difficult then to get recover from failed relationships. So true when I have prematurely invested in a woman, the rational mind is overridden.
“If you don’t trust someone with your money, don’t trust them with your heart. DAMN!!!!.
I appreciate the fact that you have the balls to drop some profanities here and there without censorship. It makes you seem more relatable, not just another nebulous intelect with a vapid personality. Great channel.
I think this is one of the worst problems in modern dating. Guys will borderline worship women purely for their looks and get overly invested way too soon. This also blows women's perceptions of their own attractiveness out of proportion so you get 6s thinking they're 8's. So they end up thinking they're too good for their equals, which breeds more scarcity for men, which makes men overvalue womwn for their looks even more. It's a cycle that has ruined modern dating.
Guys have to try to remember what type of person she is if you take away her looks.
Women respect men whom they fail to seduce.
Or even what she may look like in 10 years.
The sixteen commandments of poon (Roissy) (About dealing with women) 😉:
1. Never say 'I Love You' first.
2. Make her jealous.
3. You shall make your mission [i.e.job], not your woman, your priority.
4. Don't play by her rules.
5. Adhere to the golden ratio: 2/3. ( Ex: For every third text from her send two in return)
6. Keep her guessing.
7. Always keep two in the kitty.
8. Say you're sorry only when absolutely necessary.
9. Connect with her emotions.
10. Ignore her beauty.
11. Be irrationally self-confident. 12. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses.
13. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little.
14. Make love to her boldly.
15. Maintain your state control.
16. Never be afraid to lose her
This is my all-out favorite of your videos. Every young man needs to hear this as early as possible in life.
A girl told me she loved me after 3 months together, and it immediately went to my head. I wasnt ready to say I loved her back yet, but once I decided I probably did love her, I lost my shit. Guess what, a month later she left.
For men, being "in love" is detrimental even after 30 years of marriage. She may leave for any number of ridiculous reasons and devastate you. The root cause is always: women get bored after a few years.
@@rayrwyrIf she is nervous that she may lose you, she is not feeling bored. Just a thought.
Please clarify your terms. "I lost my shit" could mean, "I married her then, after a month of marriage, she left with my shit." It could also mean, "We never married but I contracted psychosomatic diarrhea when she traumatized me by leaving."
@@ericgrosch8073 I basically started acting very mushy and saying way to many versions of, "I love you so much" and "You're the best girlfriend ever". I stopped being like the guy she fell in love with the month prior: Someone who appeared confident, non-reactive, and displayed attractive behavior. I got lost in the sauce. Took it for granted almost. This was my first real relationship so its very fair to say I had no clue what I was doing. Nor had I ever watched a single self help video like Psychacks. But after it went belly up I decided to try and learn something.
Women are there for the spark, the excitement.
Staying unemotional is also a good way to buy a car.
What's the point of buying a car if you can't love it?
Haha
a to b women@@lizzi437
@@lizzi437
Well atleast it won't leave you stranded in middle of nowhere.
Not the best case, but also not the worst case.
I definitely could’ve used this advice about 8 months ago but better late than never.
This is outstanding advice. This channel has changed my life for the better. Thank you so much Dr. Taraban. 🙏
You are still single I suppose...
This advice neglects the ”men are more rational” argument.
Who was the more emotional again?
I'm glad to hear it. Help spread the word!
Agreed. I've subscribed to this channel for about a month, and I am continuously blown away be the sheer mass of wisdom that is packed in each episode. This can't be a coincidence. Dr. Taraban is putting tons of work for the preparation of his material.
@@JohnSmithEx 2 year subscriber here -- back to the very beginning. I second your opinion. Also, the trajectory over this period has been pretty awe-inspiring. Powerful insights and presentation from day one. But, growing more confident and impactful with every single lesson Dr. Taraban publishes here on YT.
One of your best topics yet! I just recently made this mistake and now I'm paying for it. Luckily, I'm moving on fairly well (I'm ruled more by my head than my heart). But, you're right... it sucks. 6 months is a really good rule of thumb.
A woman can easily put on act for years to make you fall in love. Once she gets her ring or once she get married, then you see her true self. The thumb rule is: majority of the women are unable to put on an act for more than 2 years. But some can.
Even 6 yeara does not show anything.
6 months is the least, you should probably aim in something like a year or more …
I wish I had the courage to experience more in my teens to learn these tough lessons. Navigating this space in my 30s has not been easy. Good luck fellas
It'll become easier again in your forties mate! You'll be more at ease and happy in your own space and won't let drama into that space
@@simon-fk2ye thanks Simon
The philosophy of Stoicism assumes that humans feel emotions, such as fear or anger. However, the philosophy preaches not to turn off those emotions, but only not to let those emotions take control. So to suggest that one should not indulge in a relationship for the first six months simply because it might hurt is a sign of weakness and fear of a man who cannot regulate and control his own emotions.
You are also overlooking the very important fact that any advice of this type is like a double-edged sword - just as someone can suffer when they choose the wrong woman and become emotionally attached too quickly, it is also possible to overdo it in the other direction - learning to function in a relationship with a person to whom we feel no great emotion. What if, in such a situation, a man rejects a woman not because she was a bad partner, but because he never ultimately loved her, because from the beginning he learned to block out all emotions out of fear of falling into the "adorer" frame? In such an emotionless relationship, it is also easier to become a tyrant. This is because it is easier to hurt someone to whom we are not emotionally attached. This approach leaves the door open to taking such actions as infidelity, disrespect or contempt.
You also suggest that six months is a good time "because it usually takes at least that long to reach a crisis of disillusionment, where the projected fantasy you were attracted to is destroyed by reality." I understand that we have such a thing as a "period of fascination," where certain flaws in our partners are unnoticeable to us or we are able to ignore them. But if it takes you six months to know if the other person is someone you can trust, then the problem here lies at the very foundation. We are able to assess VERY quickly whether a woman is at least a decent person. All you have to do is ask the right questions and listen. What kind of relationship does she have with her father? How does she treat people who are lower down the hierarchy than her? What were her previous relationships like? How many were there and how did they end? How many sexual partners has she had? Can she admit her guilt and apologize? Do her words match her actions? Is she lying? How does she communicate her needs and address problems? Does she justify and rationalize her negative behavior? Does she believe in god? And so on and so forth.
The practical advice you give from the middle of the video is absolutely correct, but none of them encourage lack of any emotional attachment for six months. Therefore episode should not encourage blocking your possitive emotions towards woman, but a prudent dosage of those emotions. Less than her, so you do not fall into the frame of adorer or start acting different because of those emotion, while during this whole process you should skillfully and constantly "scan" her, checking whether she is someone worth trusting.
@Interpersonalny Excellent comment.
If you ask how many sexual partners she has had and expect an honest answer you are just being naive. You will never know, partly because they only count the ones they don't regret, or can even remember, and literally forget the others. Unless you are a porn star, it will always be a bigger number than yours, because women simply get far more offers than men do.
And, to be fair, it also would be an impertinent question, and none of your business anyway UNLESS you were directly employing her for paid sexual services. Otherwise, you have no choice but to accept that her life did not begin the day she met you. It didn't.
@@MrMatthewhg assuming that people are dishonest about that is probably due of that you are very disagreeable person (which gives tendency to seeing people as untrustworthy) or you had some bad experiences. In my reality I do not hangout with people who lies. It is easy to me to read people so I do not have problem with dishonesty
The first three minutes felt like an arrow straight to my heart.
I learn long ago that I can't trust any woman. There are things that I will allow The woman in my life to know about and things that she'll never know. Now I realize love is in the same category. I can allow parts of my love but not give up all regardless of the time of the relationship. Thanks Orion for helping me compartmentalize, it's been unhealthy for me all my life.
As a woman trying to figure it all out as well, your videos are so well put together and also help us ladies in many ways, towards ourselves and men.
When you've found the proper guidance on relationships, that isn't driven by romantic delusion, the advice always turns out to be genderless. Relationships are more about our own psychology that the other's.
It's amazing actually
This is great advice bc I didn't think NEVER being emotionally invested in a woman was right (like some dating coaches say) but I also have been burned by emotionally investing too soon. 6 months will be my new minimum.
Go for 2 yrs. Never trust her until the 2 yr mark. Takes about that long for their mask to come off… or for the honeymoon phase to wane.
@@neomacchio4692honeymoon faze ends after around a year biologically
6 months does not show anything. Neither 6 years.
chasing shadows I see. It can happen at any time. There is NO time limit
As a man who is in the situation of suffering because of the conflict of heart and mind (getting emotionally attached to a broken woman) I could not agree more, Sir! Thanks for your work!
This video and the three tipps are probably the best and most important I have ever seen on this channel. Simply amazing!
I've been recently writing down my thoughts about this particular woman I'm interested in. We've had several interactions with each other, and we get along very well, but I've only recently (in the last month and a half or so) been ready emotionally to ask her out the next time I see her. I don't mind playing the long game; I'd rather be patient than launch myself into something I don't want or something that'll hurt me emotionally. Gentlemen, take care of yourselves and practice self-restraint.
For me, the 3rd point is the most important: if you don't trust sb with your money don't trust them with your heart. People can lead you on easily because we don't learn to respect our heart or our ability to love as much as we learn to respect our bank accounts/jobs/careers.
It's a strength that should not be allowed to be turned into a weakness by a con artist.
I've come to realize that I've been emotionally invested too soon in my current relationship for it to keep going in a healthy way. Great advice, it was needed.
This is pure gold for the younger man, to have this information say in your early twenties would save a great deal of emotional pain and more. As the old saying goes...if I knew then what I know now how differently things would have turned out. Great video 👌
The sixteen commandments of poon (Roissy) (About dealing with women) 😉:
1. Never say 'I Love You' first.
2. Make her jealous.
3. You shall make your mission [i.e.job], not your woman, your priority.
4. Don't play by her rules.
5. Adhere to the golden ratio: 2/3. ( Ex: For every third text from her send two in return)
6. Keep her guessing.
7. Always keep two in the kitty.
8. Say you're sorry only when absolutely necessary.
9. Connect with her emotions.
10. Ignore her beauty.
11. Be irrationally self-confident. 12. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses.
13. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little.
14. Make love to her boldly.
15. Maintain your state control.
16. Never be afraid to lose her
Learned this the hard way this year. Thanks for putting the experience into words!
Another awesome talk!
These videos just keep getting better.
I cannot express how important this video is!!!
I needed to hear this today. You’re a godsend Orion
THIS out of all his videos that I have watch is some of the best. This is almost some of the best father to son advice.
The timing of this couldn't be better! Thank you
I love you man. The timing of this video was a blessing.
We could save boys a lot of trouble by telling them that getting into a relationship is at least a hundred times more complicated than they expect. At this point, studying all the necessary female insanity and spending years building your ship just to get into a relationship is TWO full-time jobs. Relationships were the ultimate bait and switch
Speaking for me, I'm not interested in any relationship in which I have to perpetually suppress authenticity. That drains far more energy than it could ever give. We want relationships not just because of who the other person is, but who that other person makes us in relation to them. Who the relationship makes us. And I just can't find anything appealing about being the kind of man that women want to date. It seems a man is only supposed to be about 1% happier in a relationship than he would be single. Women insist on taking the entire pie
Correct in all that. All I keep hearing regarding 'advice' is for the man to be someone he isn't, be fake, but then Women are fake when they come on to me. I see they expect me to put on an act for them as well. I refuse to, so they lose interest.
Well said. Either split the pie into pieces or bring another pie to the table women! 😉🤣😂
@EE12CSVT the real advice isn't to be fake but to become a man who acts like that naturally. Not only does this make you happier and stronger but also everyone around you stronger and happier too
@@FOURTEEFIVE Well, the advice I'm referring to is for the man to fake that he is and always has been a player who picks up women and treats them badly. That's the act or real person that women expect of me. It was to become that, it wouldn't make anyone around me happier.
Fantastic video. I have done this with every woman I have ever been with. (Probably an anxious/attachment style I have that I saw on a post here) My last one was very painful because it burned bright in the beginning and then fizzled out like a dying star and I still have strong feelings for this woman. Thank you for this video Dr. Taraban, this content is really helping me. I will contribute financially as soon as I can.
Spoken so well! This should be a must watch/listen to for anybody that’s considering a relationship.
I cannot tell how valuable this information is. I really needed to hear this long time ago. Thank you so much!
I don't always agree with Dr. O about certain topics but this one is ON POINT!
I was like this 10 years ago and the problem is, once you genuinely hold back, it becomes very difficult to turn on the switch to feel anything and end up miserable.
The other way is opening up and getting burned in the process. I’ve experienced both and it’s miserable either way.
Moral of the story: You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
What I've come to understand. These practical advices around relationships are merely bandaids and ultimately useless as like you say pain will strike either way. The real work is somewhere else entirely
Always thought-provoking and eloquent
You hit that nail on the head doc. I could have used this video two years ago, but I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Again.
Thank you so much for this video, I met this girl couple weeks ago and we’ve been texting since then.
Yesterday I caught myself thinking about her way too much and didn’t really know what to do.
I m glad you posted this, thank you
Orion, you are the most informative and level headed person in the men’s improvement space. Every single video is absolutely riddled with wisdom. Thank you, sir.
Well, this is just about the best video you've done out of many great ones.
I really like the titles you're using! They fit what you're talking about and give an air of poetry to the content.
Perfect advice Orion. Just what I needed at this moment. 🙏🏻
If this isn’t what I’m going through to a tee. I can’t believe this content is free, thank you for the insight
Dam, thanks Doc, i just recovered from a toxic relationship due to not following this exact advice, keep the channel up, i will keep coming back, happy new year!!
This is one of the best videos of yours especially the last scenarios.
Thanks man
Thank you ! ❤❤❤ I think it’s very important to highly selective who is in your inner circle if you want to have a peaceful life.
If I had seen this video about 16 months ago I would have made some very different choices. You're fantastic and this is perfect advice. Thank you.
Of all the very good paychecks clips this is an even better one. Great advice, thank you.
There are a lot of folks on YT giving advice - this gentleman stands out. Really substantive.
1. Mentally obsessed - stop overthinking about her.
2. Overly communicating - don’t be texting/calling too much.
3. Emotionally vulnerable - Shield your heart don’t revile everything too fast.
I think that in order for us to remain with an unbreakable frame the rules above should be always on check, good luck for us and much thanks for your wisdom again Dr Orion.
"revile"
is not the right word.
I think you meant "reveal"
*how will anyone have a successful longterm relationship if nobody is emotionally attached? It seems like preparing for divorce from the very beginning instead of preparing for marriage. I hate modern society*
Great point.
Thanks for always being so honest and direct with your language and message!
Wish I had heard this advice a year ago, but very glad I've heard it now. Thank you for sharing good Doctor! Watched a dozen+ vids from you the last few days & likely going to be binging your other vids for the foreseeable future
Awesome advice it's time most men understand true nature of women.
Love this about emotional attachment. I find this applies to me as well being a woman, and it allows me to understand both sides, and of understanding the polarity and needs that are different for both men and women.
this is very good advice, i wish i knew these things earlier, unfortunately had to learn the hard way. Protect yourselves and your future, gentlemen.
absolutely golden advice for all young men out there like me, keep them coming
I recently found your channel and thank you! I'm having a very difficult time, right after a breakup and this is exactly, what I needed to hear to better understand my situation. I really appreciate your advices Orion!
best of luck sir.
When your mind is racing and you have that pain, my advice is to meditate on the words "let go", and bring your centre back to yourself. None of us need anybody but ourselves, finding a sane/kind partner is an absolute bonus if possible.
If only I knew about this channel this time last year.
I fully agree with you...for both sides. Love your channel and never get tired of watching this. So much wisdom and common sense in your advice. Thank you.
Thanks! This is your all-time best video. Just what I was thinking about.
Yeah, I agree. Those are the three steps that lead to emotional attachment. He’s right fellas.
I will be forever grateful to you, you changed my whole life and I will continue to preach on your behalf for the whole world to hear you saved me from huge financial debt with just a small investment, thank you Mr Fergus Waylen
YES!!! That's exactly his name (Fergus Waylen) so many people have recommended highly about him and am just starting with him from Brisbane Australia
Wow. I'm a bit perplexed seeing him been mentioned here also Didn't know he has been good to so many people too this is wonderful, i'm in my fifth trade with him and it has been super.
Same my friend, No doubt many people from around the world also trade with him!!!
Life is easier when the cash keeps popping in, thanks to Mr Waylen. Glad he's getting the recognition he deserves.
My brother and I also joined his strategy and we made massive gains at the moment while under training. I am forever grateful to Mr Fergus Waylen
Pure gold! Thank you, Dr. Taraban.
What great and basic advice, Orion. Thank you very much
I always learn something from you. Thank you!
This has come at the right time.
Fantastic video and topic, Orion! 👍
Choosing between your head and your mind is a hard thing. I have been there. But it is hard to resist sometimes.
True. Been there also. However one should objectively look at the situation and objectively regconize what's going on
I dated a nurse for nearly 4 years and around the 3 year and 3 month mark, I told her I loved her. Thought I'd waited out that 6 month period by quite a bit, but she broke up with me because of this. I asked if my saying I loved her really ruined the relationship and she replied "it certainly didn't help"
I think don’t take it personal, I think she is a little broken .
you did yourself a favor man, take care of that heart of yours
According to Mark Mansons:
Rejection is good, quickest way to find the person who will enhance your life
Not surprised. This is why men have to be cold. Never reveal to them how you feel.
Wow the most eye opening episode I've listened to so far, I've made these mistakes so many times in the past and in fact recently 😆 will definitely be putting this advice Into practice many thanks!
Emotional attachment is always risky business!!! We usually risk it any way 😆
This video describes exactly what happened to me with my ex this year and this is totally true
I learned this from dealing with a diagnosed BPD woman. She taught me the most valuable lesson
Noted, this fits with my experience too, as a woman. Practicing emotional detachment is very important. Thanks for the content!
Best wishes to you this new year Dr. Orion!
I make a point of setting my expectations for women very low. And looking over the phenomenon that is "hoeflation," that's turning out to be a very reliable approach. Having set low expectations, I treat them as the children that 99% of them are. And I try to be a good parent for only as long as it takes me to say to somebody else, "This isn't my kid... Do you want her back?" When I meet somebody from the other 1%, the rules of the game change rapidly. But rarely, if ever, do I meet one of the other 1%-er's in post-feminist America. Usually I'm on the road in some other country when it happens. (See "hoeflation" above...)
It's no different in the UK. I meet someone and yet again she turns out to be another child in an adult body. I rub my eyes and the bridge of my nose and think 'not you as well' and turn round. I don't want a child even if she's 5ft 5in, got curves, and a few wrinkles. I met a very nice adult in 2007, but as she lived 5 hours away, it was a non starter.
How are these 1%?
@@elainer8288 In two words, courageous and authentic. Everything the generation of Instagram women isn’t.
Love your work. I'm 40 now and I really wish someone would of told me all this when i was 18 would of made things so much easier, i had to learnt it the hard way. lol
The most helpful video so far! Thank you Dr.Orion!
This man saving lives 🙏🙏
I learned the hard way. Despite my brain telling me she was never the right one, heart still wanted her.
We’re all a victim to this as men. Just listen to your intuition. Thats your God conscious telling you to let go of what no longer serves you. But the sliver lining is that you learned from that experience and grew from it, so it really not a loss, just wasnt for you.
@@finnessejets4231 Correct. Always thankful for the experience.