Unlikely things to hear at a wedding or funeral | Mock The Week - BBC
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 5. 01. 2020
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Watch the BBC first on iPlayer đ bbc.in/iPlayer-Home Dara O Briain and Hugh Dennis look back at what has been going on around the world in the last seven days in the company of guests Angela Barnes, Ed Byrne, Kerry Godliman, Milton Jones and Chris Washington.
Mock The Week | Series 18 Episode 10 | BBC
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We gathering together to witness the joining of Bob and Mary... and the passing of Mary's Dad... Who said, "you can marry her over my dead body..."
One wedding and a funeral!
đđđ
đđđđđ
Brilliant
"In three! Two! One! CATCH THE BOUQUET!"
'Sarah, that was grandma's urn.'
I always wanted to feel like a princess on my wedding day...which is why Iâm marrying my cousin.
Ms Molly I am from Tasmania đđđđ
đ€Łđ€Ł
"Well, my daughter said that she wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day. So I'm marrying her off to a prince to improve political relations with Spain."
Hahahahahaaa good one
Sweet Home Alabama
âGary, get the forklift!â gets me every time.
I recall being at a "viewing" at a funeral home. The brother of the deceased spent the entire time handing out business cards for his construction business.
Be ironic if he died in a workplace accident.
My crane will NEVER fall on you
The grind never stops đŻ
He really dug a hole for himself there.
"Sadly, today we all know exactly where Wally is."
đ
I don't get it
@@platinumfalcon798 wally is from a popular book where he is hidden somewhere and you have to find him. He is also known as waldo.
âAlright! Whose idea was it to make Gollum the ring bearer!?â
Geek Week đ€Ł
Boyfriend: will you marry me?
Girlfriend: And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will have a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!
Geek Week. Class đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
lol
@@lisahenry20 Yes, Cate Blanchett has one hell of a wedding video...
no one was going to beat Miltons first joke here! absolute genius!
Milton freaking sucks. He is so boring. He's just a crappy imitation of Mitch Hedberg. Worst pun comedian since Carrot Top..
@@gothix5868 so , resigning from the Milton Jones Fan Club, are you ?
His act is crap.
Except his other ones.
âTraditionally, at a Jewish wedding, a glass is broken at the altar but, due to the nature of the marriage, the brideâs water broke insteadâ
"There has been some protests about this couple being married, the groom has been challenge to a duel, which will take place immediately. May the best man win."
No matter the calls to make this a day of celebration, it cannot overcome our grief at the tragedy which has brought us here. We must persevere nonetheless.
That being said: Do you take this man...
PokerJoker811 đ I was wondering why none of them went with this theme for their joke ... Such an obvious one given the subject ..
r/murderedbywords
@@SabeerAbdulla Maybe a couple of them have done it before?
This is the first one where Iâve seen Milton do half normal jokesđ
*Looks down at the coffin*
"Well, he won't do that again."
"The irony of it all is, that he choked to death on a lifesaver."
Some may think it is a bit early for a widow to remarry but hey we're all in church with flowers and a priest.
In the name of the father, the son, in the hole he goes.
OK this is one of my favourites
Dave Allen classic
Spectacles Testicles Wallet Watch
Amen
"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Peter. On a positive note, I'm here to present Peter with his posthumous Darwin Award."
"At this difficult time, I would like to thank everyone here for the plethora of kind words. It means a lot."
I was thinking how this was a really unique one as the prompt is two very different scenarios. Glad Ed called them out on it!
Mt sister is getting married this year and I'm giving her away. I might steal the auction part for my speech :P
Yeah, that sounds good. Treating your sister like chattel
Update us on how it goes pls
@@CrisSelene funny tho
@@CrisSelene Treating your sister like chattel .......... r/whoosh
Milton's "Vera by name..." joke is genius.
âEven though he died by auto erotic mishap, we should always remember him as a skilled multitasker.â
Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust. Donât walk using WhatsApp, or get hit by a bus.
That one made me laugh
James Potter you have a great name
Asses to ashes, tits to dust...
As it is a tradition you all know in our family... The lucky woman who catches the bouquet...
Gets to leave the funeral early
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, sweep grandma under the rug, I knew I'd knock that urn off the shelf.
Milton and Ed saved this segment.
Hugh was good too, but Milton đ
I've actually enjoyed almost all of their jokes, good bit.
They should have just stopped it after Milton's first joke. Nothing was better.
Kerry Godliman!
The heroin joke was funny tho
Milton and Ed owned this round
the last one was the best XD
Milton Jones --genius and reality visitor ! Loved the Vera joke ! I lost control at that point ! MTW , now an institution ! Whereâs Wally ? Now we know where he is !!!đ€Łđ€Ł
I didn't get that vera joke
Vera is a play on words . To veer means to move about changing direction, hence a veerer is someone who ............
I once had a teacher who moonlighted as some kind of clergyman, doing weddings and funerals. He was a really cynical person. He once told the class that having seen marriages at either end, every time he was marring a couple he was tempted to laugh at them and say "You do know this is going to end badly!"
That first joke cracks me up everytime đđ€Ł
I cannot watch any part of this show without a) thinking of my late father, who adored it, or b) snorting with laughter in a rather embarrassing fashion.
''Just before we start i'm just going to take a selfie with the coffin''
Milton definitely won this one
0:12 I was drinking a hot cup of coffee when Milton delivered that first punchline - wrong move on my part! đâ
When Milton walks up, put the coffee, tea, or other hot beverage down. He normally pauses long enough for you to do so.
I hear granny used to enjoy relaxing with some ice tea.
Yes. She particularly enjoyed _'O.G. Original Gangster'._
"My mind is a hand grenade... Catch."
As the judge said to the bigamist - you canât have your Kate and Edith, too!
Unless Kate and Edith are Angela Barnes and Kerry Godliman!
a wedding or funeral eh?
"You may now kiss the deceased."
Ed, Ed! What were you thinking mate! (Ok yeah I laughed)? đ
The Wally joke slayed me: a Carmen Sandiego joke would be resurrection.
Who knew funerals could be so funny :) I've been going to the wrong ones.
You should go to an Irish one.
mandy c , they tell me it's a grave business, & do feel boxed in sometimes, make no bones about. Apparently, they died coffin, we all thought that was a bit stiff
@@eoinh1 one of my Irish family's mottos is "we put the fun in funeral" and they go down from there
I remembered my innocence days at the pasts three funeral i went. I was trying hard not to laugh at the people who cried like a dying whale and snot coming out their nose.. It was pretty disgusting though.. I admit i over come those feeling of wanting to wrecking havoc on them all.. The feeling that wanting to kill small cute animals kind of thing. It was so sad and pathetic looking that you want to end their misery to make them stop making you feel that way.. Ya know..
- not a serial killer.
I only go for the food which is always a dead cert
''I feel like Hugh Grant today doing 4 weddings and a funeral''
"At the request of Mark he wanted this to he a Star Trek themed funeral, and to that he wanted me to say to his brother... He's dead Jim."
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness in the joining of two people, and to mourn the dearly departed. I'm sorry we had to combine the two, but it was the only way either family could afford their wedding and funeral."
Now today is an incredibly sad day for us all... but for some reason, the wife calls it âthe happiest day of our livesâ
She couldâve at least pretended to be upset at my grandadâs funeral.
And now let's toast the Bride and Groom,
GUYS!!!! NO, Raise your glasses not your flamethrowers.
"I think it's very arrogant of the John to proclaim himself to be the" best man" here today when I raised 10 grand for charity last year. Best man, my arse!"
Wasn't Milton's first joke incredibly dark for him? Wow!
Could someone explain the "oncoming traffic" joke?
I think he said "Veera by name", as in "veerer into traffic".
That Vera joke is truly underrated
Love this show
May I suggest:
'She died doing what she loved - MY HUSBAND.'
''But we haven't found his body yet''
''George died what he doing Best. Drinking until his liver packed in''
"Tom saw the combine harvester."
"Dick heard the combine harvester."
"And Harry didn't have the faintest idea what hit him."
Ed had a good Christmas.!!!
Milton's first one was hilarious.
Always wondered what Dara Ă Briain writes? đ§
It's Dara Claus's book of naughty and nice comedians.
Working on his French rap lyrics.
he's still working on the screenplay of, Monsoon Poultry Hospital.
He's writing the Bible don't mind him
An encyclopaedia on Megabus! đ
Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless!
''I feel sorry for grave diggers and crem workers. It's such a dead end job''
Thanks everybody for coming, Dad said he didn't care what we did with his ashes, so anyone want some free cat litter?
"Raymond was a man of many parts. We know that because we found them everywhere"
The heroine got me lol
That first joke destroyed my lungs
The last one is going to be my epitaph!
Might wanna change your name to Raymond first
âSweetheart, Iâve something to tell you hereâ
âYou love someone else?â
âNo, Iâm Barry Scott, and this is Cillit Bangâ
âAnd weâre very excited to congratulate the happy... widowâ
What a fantastic reception and before everyone leaves what does everyone think they had for dinner?
"Wow, 80 million dollars buys a pretty fancy wedding in Iran."
Were here today to say goobye to a great man, a free man, a man who wowed all the ladies, we will all miss that side of terry... I now pronounce you husband and wife..
Nice hair Ed Balls!đ
1:22 is my favourite
Lol cant stop laughing
0:16 ancient egyptian b like
''I wonder if Ronseal really does exactly what it says on the tin''
At least Milton and Ed were trying...
"..apart from swimming obviously..."
Welcome back everybody
Unlikely things to đđœ at a funeral... âPlease would the kind widowed lady and her 2 luscious friends join me for a quick mĂ©nage-a-trios in private?â đ
Seems Iâm at the wrong wedding
Waaaayyyy! Sorry Iâm late, bit of a heavy sesh earlier and Iâm twatted! Anyway...we are gathered here today...
You may now kiss the bride, but im sure youll be doing more than that once you get back to the hotel
Your official for todayâs wedding, Mick Jagger
The first shot when you see all of the guests, for a second I thought it was me on the far left.
When I asked for the rings to be brought forward, I didn't mean the choirboys
I always wanted to feel like a princess on my wedding day, that is why im marrying a nigerian.
Apart from swimming obviously
Hugh kept going back and forwards
I've been to weddings where I'm equally friends with both the bride & the groom, & I wasn't sure where to sit.
Does it really matter?
@@jjaus But I must do things properly!... No, it doesn't really matter.
In their laps. đ€ Iâm sure they wonât bite! đ
@@Sameer-Mustafah-Raza1-2-1 Depends on the friend.
Ed Byrne played a blinder here
Lol
I was hoping for a "Sorry, I also do funerals" joke, but... I guess 3:40 works.
whoa....the quality.......so sharp!
Thank you for coming to my new son in lawâs wedding, now if he can just say his last words before he marries my daughter.
"John, you know the way they said on the invite that the wedding was inspired by the song, "White Wedding", I don't think they actually meant it to be literal and for everyone to come dressed as the Klu Klux Klan"
My grandma's name was Vera.
So, uh, are you ready to date yet or shall we wait until the funeral is over?
"My wife was an amazing. Her greatest gift to me in life was... a passport and citizenship"
''I feel it in my fingers i feel it in my arse''
I now pronounce this couple, employee and job.
âGroom vs best man 15 round death-matchâ