How to make a CONNECTION with ANYONE: the master skill of human relationships
Vložit
- čas přidán 16. 01. 2023
- The world is full of people. If you can forge a genuine emotional connection with others, then that world will an exciting place full of potential friends, partners, and lovers. The key to making a connection with anyone is empathy. However, most people don't really understand what this means. In this episode, I will discuss what empathy really is using a concrete example, and how this principle might be applied in real world situations.
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#relationship #connection #communication
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
The world is full of people. If you can forge a genuine emotional connection with others, then that world will an exciting place full of potential friends, partners, and lovers. The key to making a connection with anyone is empathy. However, most people don't really understand what this means. In this episode, I will discuss what empathy really is using a concrete example, and how this principle might be applied in real world situations.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#relationship #connection #communication
i like being a schizoid
empathy to me looks like a suckers game
To sum it up, people don’t remember things you say only how you make them feel.
Thank you
Right
-Maya Angelou
not really sum up, I understand that, but what emotion should we make to connect with people
@@guitar300k the ones you feel?
Connecting with people should be an authentic process I believe.
"Ideas divide people, emotions unite them" wow 😮
True
I'm 84 years old and your video has made me realize all the opportunities I've missed to connect. It's touched me deeply. Now I'm going to endeavor to put this into practice. I thank you!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR DAY
That beautiful connection we form with someone when they feel seen, heard, and valued. You've put it so succinctly here.
Despite the undenying graceousness of having empathy, it is not said that you are really understanding and helping, schon gar nicht salvating, the other person.
Actually, I do use this a lot in my life. When someone is telling me about something they’re going through, I can relate to a difficulty or situation that made me feel the same way. However, I realize that when I bring up these situations or issues, I may be taking away from what they’re saying and that I technically don’t know how they feel because my situation is not the same as theirs and I’m just trying to relate instead of just listening
Yes, if we're not careful we're just looking for a way to turn everything into being about us.
Coming to understand the underlying feeling internally and engaging a person through that feeling without being compelled to disclose how we got there would be sufficient, I think 😊
most of the time the words "i understand what youre going through" are really not what other people want to hear. sometimes its better to say nothing of the sorts or "i believe you"
Maybe think about what you wanted to hear when you felt the same way and say it to the person.
Sometimes I can't even relate to the situation someone is telling me about in thier life, but instead of being critical and passing judgement, I just listen to what they have to say and nothing more
This is excellent way of framing this theory. So whenever my girlfriend is talking about drama stuff. It's a door for me to go into her emotion realm. Instead of just listening as an outsider and offering suggestions on what to do to fix her problems.
Take it from a woman, we aren’t looking for you to fix a problem that we are being emotional about. We just want you to listen and be understanding. Just getting it off our chest and having someone listen with understanding is all that is needed. If you want to speak, the best thing is to say something like, “that is terrible or I agree, that is so unfair; is there is anything I can do to help, I am here for you?” Don’t offer any resolution unless asked to. You may not agree with the drama or overreaction you think is happening but don’t ever state that, or you will be toast! Lol
Yes. This is excellent way of framing this theory, but you lose frame when you do that.
@jonathanwelke2968 - The word "drama stuff" signalled a caution in my mind.
I don't know you or your girlfriend, and Just to be safe, make sure you're not nurturing an evil spirit that's trying to set in, and for any people in general, learn about and keep yourself aware of tactics of narcissism. Don't get sucked down into an "emotional realm". Be a man, wise man.
@@mtlicq It's crazy how 34 people, most of whom may happen to be men, have liked his comment so far !
I practice forbearance when women do their interpersonal drama meltdown thing. Which is to say I daydream about pleasant or interesting things (remember that summer when Mark McGuire hit all those home runs, and then later it turned out to be fake because he was very obviously jacked on steroids the entire time, but everyone pretended they didn't notice and it was amazing while it was happening, and there wasn't even global warming yet, or 9/11, and we hadn't had a war in a while, so it was a beautiful innocent summer the likes of which we may never see again) and once in a while I say, "I'm really sorry that happened." And I mean it. I am sorry it happened. I'm just not sure what it is.
Putting yourself in someone else's shoes goes deeper then the provided definition. "In their shoes" is meant to refer to being in their life and context. In other words, if you were them. The issue is that most people are unable to fathom let alone perform that kind of projection.
Empathy has been a thorn in my life
In the past few years I decided not to talk about myself much when someone was going through a rough time, because I'd feel I'm being narcissitic. But since I stopped doing that, and now after I watched this video, I'm starting to figure out why it used to be so much easier for me to connect with people.
I will dwell on this. I love your content. Subscribed.
This is so true. Thanks! Empathy is the fuel of human connection. Coping with crisis is often considered from the individual's perspective. We have a need to be in contact with each other. We easily sense togetherness with like minded people. We can also feel connected to people with whom we have shared a significant experience.
I connect well with people and the key is to listen and adapt to them if necessary. Giving a little once in a while isn't going to kill people. Many people are so wrapped up in their own world they don't care about what others want. I'm also good at identifying this quality in others when they interact with me. These people are keepers and worth holding on to in life.
*Identify the emotion*
Sad, anger, frustration from that situation.
And intensify that emotion in you and imagine what is the best way that others can cope that with you.
*Emotional Intelligence*
This is the best way to understand woman as well as their behaviour is linked to their mood.
thats the problem !!
@@roadwarrior7401 No. It is your problem or challenge that you do not like women. Perhaps you are gay?
This is the most profound information I've learned in a long time.
I appreciate the contribution you're making to the world, and I gotta say you're good at offering life changing perspectives.
Truly!
Bro.. that sweatshirt: 🔥🔥🔥
Loved this!! For someone who has struggled his entire childhood and young adulthood with "connecting" with people I would always joke how understanding math was way easier than understanding people. But after this video, humans make alot more sense to me. Thanks a mil for all you do
This is so spot on. I do this automatically, but several people close to me are even worse at it than you described.
That's real good. I do the other thing automatically, i.e. analyze every word scientifically. I'll have to try very hard to change.
@@jackm.1628 Can you make an example what you mean with analyzing every word scientifically? I'm just curious :)
@@PiaRxxxx I have a tendency to answer questions way too precisely.
For example: I live in the U.S., and when people here ask "where are you from?", they are usually referring to your state of origin. Now, I have an accent, so when strangers ask me this question, they could conceivably be referring to my country of origin instead. So usually I respond with "do you mean what country I'm from originally, or do you mean which state I am from?". This is not a good answer, as it breaks the flow of conversation, and they other person probably doesn't really care.
Yes Im a professor of clinical psychology and this is an apt description of empathy. I had it before my training....I could always hear the emotional content of what someone was saying....I think my early childhood depended on me navigating my parents and grandparents feelings....I learned to pay more attention to their moods and emotions than to content...most of this was positive but they were human so I knew when to ask for something and when to wait....
kids NEVER manipulate their parents ;-)
This is the best explanation of being empathic that I have ever heard. Thank you so much. And now I understand what emotional connection is as well.
Damn!! That’s one hell of a shift in thinking. You have some fantastic insights. Thank you 🙏
I’m not a fan of the name of your channel-becasse I am skeptical about how anything “hacked” could be of lasting value, but your concrete example clearly illustrates how to have better empathy-thanks for this very valuable “hack.” I will be able to use this forever! Wow.
So it's about listening carefully to what they say but not the superficial idea, rather the emotion
Your content is extremely helpful thank you!!
Some people who have experienced a lot of pain in their life are more likely to empathise with others in pain, because it's something they dealt with or still dealing with, and they understand it's effect on a person. They see another's pain and are more immediate in giving their support.
Hi! Yes, but…not. That depends on how they have processed the pain. If they have understood what happened, arrived to get over and go further, and that implies a conscient process, maybe yes. But if they remain in the same painful emotions in an unconscious or pour conscious level ( only with theirs thoughts and their level of understanding without support), they will tend to discharge all that tension and frustration on the others, in my humble opinion. It’s not black or white, but depend of each other’s intellectual and emotional maturity. ☺️🌞
@@gabrielamarton7168 Like I said, 'Some people', of course there are variables in all situations.
Or make them numb
Making connections is easy wanting to be friends or spend time with those people is a whole different story
For me, I can see clearly how another person will associate emotionally with a situation. Even if I know I could never feel the same. It's like there's sample personalities in my head and I can pick and choose which one is more appropriately aligned with the situation and person I'm dealing with.
This is probably the most helpful video on relationships I’ve ever seen.
Oh wow! Thank you for bringing this perspective to what and how to show empathy ❤. Enjoy the rest of your day 😊
This is a really good observation.... ideas and words divide, emotions unite.
So Happy I discovered this Channel. Thank God for bringing this Channel my way.
Awesome help again thank you!
WoW. That's really clear and helpful.
I'll remember to do this. Thankyou
This is a real G. Will be supporting your work you go beyond the cliche and provide in-depth value. It is evident that you do do your homework.
Yes, I use this underlying ability to connect with anyone daily and teach it to other people. Very rewarding to learn and integrate into our everyday behavior
Thanks for your fine advice!
I'm enjoying the content. Another good one. I listened to this because as a social person who enjoys making real connections with people I want to continue to sharpen my interpersonal skills. And so with this I learned something new. A new perspective on the true way to be empathetic. Great video!
I've found myself using something close to this in discussion. I now understand it better and plan to utilize it in future relationships. Thank you, Doctor.
This channel is 24k gold.
awesome content! you're creating some high quality stuff, thank you sir!
I think this could be a great key. I thought that I understood empathy but I definitely learned something from this video. Thank you Dr. Tarragon.
The best explanation of empathy I have heard. Made so much sense. Much gratitude Dr. Orion
I’ve been emotionally neglected my whole childhood and as I’m approaching 40 I feel lost in the woods a lot because this realization only came to me a couple of years ago. I’m making progress but it’s sloow.
Beautifully explained!
Sir, I have to say that this is easily one of the best pieces of information that I've ever been given. I can be a very matter-of-fact type of individual, and the insight that you have provided has allowed me to see how I may sometimes come across to people that I care about. I feel like you have greatly improved my emotional intelligence. Thank you.
That is master-class stuff at the highest level. Seriously. And I really want that sweater.
Good words. I'd like to add that, while empathizing (relating) to the other person, you also want to avoid then telling that person that you know how they feel. You don't. You know how YOU MIGHT feel, if you were them. Instead, ask them how they feel, and listen from your empathetic perspective. Your expression will communicate your understanding of their situation. And their expression, and sense of being heard will bond the other person to you. Of course you, having already related to the other person, are already invested emotionally.
Great vid. I think empathy is a very vast topic and needs to be presented in different ways for the masses to get it.
I've shared similar events with people who have opened up to me and it has formed strong connections. I don't understand why some people open up to others about their deeply painful past only to mistreat that person down the line or betray them disregarding what that person knows about them.
Truly empathetic people struggle to repay evil with evil.
I find your insights captivating. I could easily binge on your content for hours. However, I try to take each one in, digest it and see can if I can apply it.
This video on how to properly apply empathy in a responsible way has been an eye opener for me. Thank you for this.
Now I finally understand why I'm far more liked as a sailing instructor/beach guard then as a regular person on the mainland.
I train/advice people from my personal experience instead of from their experience, so that I would not alienate them. I say for example that it also took me more than 2 years to properly learn sailing, so just take it easy. Most people react massively more positive to this approach. And it's not manipulation, I don't know their story. I don't even know the full story of my best friends. So trying to change their story is actually more manipulative than just relating from my own perspective.
Thank you. I will try to remember this and go through that door of empathy in a new way.
This channel really be dropping bangers consistently
Use this all the time as I reach out and counsel. Well explained sir.
This is actually very useful information. Love your videos.
I don't know what's going on, but there are at least 10 of your vids in my recommended list near the top and middle. Never seen that before. Whatever you're doing, it's working.
Great advice. Thanks ✅️
Thank you for this!
Damn dude, this is so well put together and well explained. True g for letting it be free 🎩
Amazing video. Thanks!
What a wonderful technique. So insightful and so clearly presented.
This is a very good explanation, I will use it, thanks
Awesome advice and a really cool sweater as well !
I enjoyed the content. Thanks for sharing!
I also connect well with some people: my family, childhood friends, etc. I also enjoy finding new circle of people from around the world. I think it's good for sharing life stories and ideas with others and not just in the same circle and someday you will think it's worth it because you'll learn something new. I've seen many people who are so wrapped up in their own world they dont care about others' lives.
So relate to people on an emotional level
Very useful. Thanks.
That's a great tip, thanks. I only recently realized I was not nearly as empathetic as I imagined myself to be and I'm trying to improve in that regard, but "how to be more empathetic" can be very ... fuzzy, unclear. This is very tangible advice which you can apply consciously/rationally and might help on the way to become more empathetic.
That shirt is somehow appropriately memento mori for this topic. Awareness of death and it’s universality… the ultimate emotional connection.
you know this video actually is genius this really helped me! the idea of 'Go in with the approach I to have lost someone I love so I understand your pain - instead of oh you broke your toy I’m so sorry how can I fix it' is so amazing thank you for sharing I will take this with me and make this a habit!
I also use this skill in my life and surely it works! When you understand them emotionally, the relationships become more positive. I agree that people will remember what they ‘feel’ towards you more than sticking to any conversation they have had with you.
quite insightful
I’m really enjoying your videos thank you for service 😊
Thank you 🙏🏻 your video finally explained how to be sincerely empathetic 🙌🙌
Amazing way of speaking, thank you very much indeed it's clear you are very empathic! Best regards!
Good job! I try to separate basic projection (I know how I would feel in that moment) from true empathy, and I do teach as a skill or practice... not a magical personality type.
Understanding is the key.
Walking a mile in another man's shoes, not just stepping into them in that moment!
The root of our emotions guide each of us - and those moments are given meaning by each of us, individually... seeking empathy means seeking understanding.
This sounds great and is great information intellectually once you give one to three examples to solidify the principles of my mind
THis makes a lot of sense thank you!!!!
Nice Video !! as you expained this topic via a example... Please make more videos on negogiation, communication etc..
I mean, its not like i havent tried this, its just that fully grown adults can seem like the child crying over a broken toy. At the same time, the times i see people grieving, i just cant relate as ive never lost anyone i cared about and i dont really care about anyone anyways.
This whole empathy thing is hard
I see. The key to forming a connection is not to put yourself in their shoes. You need to put yourself in a situation where you felt similar to what they felt.
Great video, sick sweater.
Got that! Now will start work to way
Let's make some connections here folks! I'm Ivan, good to meet you! I live in Seattle and Orlando. What's your name and where do you live?
I'm actually from Serbia, lol
You live in Seattle and Orlando?
I'm Sam. I live in Thika, Kenya
@@YouilAushana Yes, I go back and forth every couple of weeks. I have homes in both states.
@@ivanchelo ¿How can you afford this?
That was surprisingly good advice
This a good one ☝️ thank you 🙏
Thanks!
Well.....I DID lose....like that little child a treasured "possession".... my husband of 55 1/2 yrs. passed away. It has been difficult and painful because suddenly I entered a world of "mastering human relationships"...... I had little modern social skills, and royally messed up a friendship w/ a man, whom I greatly admired, but barely knew....if that makes any sense!!! It's ok, God is in control, I know that, but I just want to say thank you for your counseling through your various talks. Thank you with all my ❤
This is an interesting topic, I think this needs some fleshing out, a whole playlist could even be developed based on this topic. Thank you Doctor.
Excellent approach, Doctor. You’ll recall Citizen Kane’s beloved Rosebud sled.
This definitely requires a shift in mindset. I have not found anything that teaches this better than Marshall Rosenberg’s non-violent communication
Your jumper is inside out!
This is brilliant
Congratulations, More progress, successes, achievements and meetings, innovations, inventions and creativity, recent discoveries.
I love your pullover
You were great on Westworld bro
Thanks! Obvious but life changing
Quite an interesting and insightful concept, and it very much makes sense. The talk about connecting on the level of emotions is something I have encountered.
However, this also means that the key is to see through the facade and read another person's emotions anyway, and I feel like this is more decisive. You don't necessarily have to empathize after you focus on and understand another person's emotions, after all. I suppose that's how conmen and psychopaths operate... Coldly reading people.
I like seeing your acting skills when you acted out the emotions
Regarding empathizing. Great advice. I will have to work on my memory speed because listening to the person, searching my memory bank for a similar situation and then framing the response properly might take too much time to be effective.
I, too, have put my sweater on inside out before. ;)