How I learned to make more friends
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- čas přidán 15. 05. 2024
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Algorithm Babble: This is a video about how I learned to make more friends. It helps you get better at making friends, and improving social skills, and it's a self improvement video. Hey it's Better Ideas welcome to Joey. Ok bye.
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They should teach social skills in school, it's so important in every part of your life...
oh hell nah 😂
School doesn't even prepare you for the real world what makes you think they'll teach you that?
Think about it. Most social skills are taught at school.
@@ludvig4752 you mean social conditioning?
@@maltsday If you count conversation and playground games as social conditioning then I agree.
Alternative title: how not being honest to people is ruining your life
I spent 2 years in depression and holding shit in because i took longer to graduate university. couldnt tell my parents. ended up developing a drinking problem and lost sight of my priorities from 23 to 25. 26 now and mostly sober but still sucks
Alternative title: Check out my sponsor video of skillshare!
Careful, don't be too honest either.
Truth, but not as effective
@@tibetan.music.universe You're ahead of a lot of people my man, never look at your time lost and instead focus on how much you still have to utilize
I’m 23, introverted with severe social anxiety and autism. When I meet new people there’s no way for me to be myself. It takes a while for me to be comfortable and once I’m starting to get there finally it’s too late :/ I’m trying hard to change. Thanks for making these videos.
** Came back to make an edit almost 2 years later to tell you I've made a couple of friends, and that it gets better. It really gets better.
same situation here. good luck!
Same here
We can do it!
Me too! I’m 17, though.
omg we share similar characters 😅I started pursuing medicine in one of the Asian country with few of batchmates from my own country. but it's never easy to communicate with them. My social anxiety increase drastically to the point I wish I don't want to go outside and have dinner at all. I find difficult to meet thier face and talk. I don't want to show my fake smile too. so I end up frowning which is creating misunderstanding and hurting me more. I pray to god to bring my old self where I can talk ,act silly and forgot the past💜💜💜💜💜
Being introverted with social anxiety is a nightmare especially when it comes to meeting new people. Add autism and damn
This is how I was when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I recently read my journal of those days and I was so mad at my younger self for writing about being so depressed because I was stuck home with hardly any friends. It's such a waste of good energy. What they say is so true. Don't worry about it and focus on the things you love and your friends will arrive in your life without you even looking for them. It DOES get better.
Yes I was exactly the same!!
I too also believe you should never try to make friends with people, it should just happen naturally
@@DTaze I'm torn because I do believe the interaction should happen naturally but just like any relationship it takes work.
@@amy_writes_love I totally get it, I kinda made it my mantra this summer to just focus on myself and what makes me happy, but I also really want to make close friends.. Maybe it’s supposed to be a balance?? we should do what makes us happy and not make our happiness depend on other people, but we also need to take initiative when we want to be close with people! I think the most important thing is to not 100% rely on other people to make you happy
@@datmangotho9618 That's so true. I believe it supposed to be balance. We definitely shouldn't depend on other people for happiness. I always struggle finding friends. So I hope it works good for you to finding friends :)
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
- Dale Carnegie (author of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People")
@@saulgoodman980 yeah Exactly.
So true! People love talking about themselves and they’ll love it if you pepper them with questions and really listen to what they have to say. Pretty soon they’ll be peppering you with questions too. I practice this a lot in the workplace to enhance teamwork and build a positive environment. It works 90% of the time.
but sometimes it just feels too draining to hear someone ONLY talk about themseleves especially if they are boasting., i wouldnt say you can make friends that way, maybe acquaintances. if the other person isnt putting any effort to ask about you even if youve been trying so hard to be interested in them then i think its time to walk away
Farihah Khalid Shaikhh yeah certainly, that sort of person is not the right kind of person to become friends with.
"Your like by everyone but love by no one" it hits sooo hard.
it was a home run for me.
and known by no one which leads to extreme loneliness.
“One day you’re going to look around and realize everybody loves you, but nobody likes you, and that is the loneliest feeling in the world”
@@Pravduh how can you love someone you don't like?
@@user-ok4nr5rc9h I love my narcissistic grandmother, but I only love her from a distance. Do I like her? Hell no.
it sucks when you're not the best friend to any of your best friends
5:37 You missed the most important third option, which in my opinion is vital for deep friendships:
Someone doesn't fully agree or may totally disagree but sees how you think and appreciates it and respects it.
I don't think a deep friendship can be one where this happens on every point but I think there has to be some times where you have interesting disagreement. Indeed, in my own life I have noticed many occasions where disagreement and conflict has resulted in a deepening of friendship.
Exactly.
If aliens come to earth. I want this guy to represent the human race.
Amen 🙏
alien dont exist
Hej hej the pentagon revealed footage of an unknown space ship that was hovering and it disobeyed the laws of physics, company like nasa revealed that it was unidentifiable and other company said that it was not their ship plus it was rotating and hovering and disobeyed the laws of physic and no ship during out time can do that so the truth is out there
@@Hhej927 idk if I’m right or not, but I’m pretty sure that “Aliens” are any species of organism that don’t live in Earth. So technically they could be very real, considering the size of the universe. And we don’t know wether there is ppl with big eyes and laser guns...
luigi vergara i think this is totally true
"Once you feel you are ignored by someone, never disturb them again".
I find this useful
Just be careful not to make assumptions about what they’re thinking. They may be going through something we don’t understand and the fact that we’re reaching out means the world to them, even if they’re not in a good place to respond.
@@danielbutcher5836 Yes it make sense what you say.
But where do you draw a line, you can't reach out to all of them, some maybe be genuinely going through personal crisis and some just aren't that close to you so that's why they are drifting away.
How do you handle this, because if you start reaching out to each and everyone, you might just end up reaching nowhere
sanjeev yadav I have been through this recently, inviting a friend to do something for which we have a common interest but he has not seemed interested. I chose to stop inviting him and stop messaging for a while, and at some point I will reach back out just to let him know there’s no hard feelings.
Sameee
Update: My parents are very mad
"In order to have friends, you have to be one."
The second point about voicing your true opinion really opened my eyes. I’ve always been the type to blindly agree with whatever people say to me, at the fear of them leaving, or judging me, but now I totally get how that causes me to struggle a lot with forming relationships. Thank you for this video
I don’t know if its the same or no, i tend to have a different personality with different people, ill try to be like by everyone and never been able to make a deep friendship.
Bro even after all that effort they will still betray you its better to say fuck people im not afraid to stand up for myself btw i do it at work all the time its just why try with people i seen my brother get stabbed in the back so many times even after all that bro for nothing why?
Im always that person who always feels like im annoying the person/people I want to initiate contact with.
It’s not worth your time to be friends with them if they don’t reciprocate
Trust me youre not , it’s all in your head . Just speak what’s on your mind . It’s easy to feel people energy once they reply to you
@@Airgirl881 agreed
@@atypicalmatias well that’s just if you say it all the time. If you just bring it up then it’s whatever
Same dude
I think people still think social anxiety is being shy, no its deep rooted fear of people and social interaction. And yes you can still make friends that way but that doesnt make it go away tf.
Exactly
You are right. I’m late but anxiety will always be there I think the purpose is to lower it so it doesn’t hinder growth as a human being
@@ate810 well in my case the only thing that made my anxiety go away was when I was in a relationship if you can make it go away once I guess you can do it multiple times (sorry for my bad english 😥)
@@elpibelol5005 wow really? My relationship made me more socially anxious and I think that’s why she left me lol.
@@Luke-pd7xj I hope you find a better girl
I loved this. I’ve always been an extremely bubbly outgoing person and had a tight group of friends growing up. But since college, those have all drifted and I find it hard to get close to anyone now, as I feel like I’m a bother or overbearing. And it’s not even a confidence thing, but I’m such a people pleaser that I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable and I don’t share the jokes in my head or certain opinions because I want to make everyone comfortable or I’m afraid I’ll say something that will create discomfort. This has something that’s been on my mind heavily lately, as I’m getting married next year, and I’m realizing I no longer really have a set group of die hard friends to stand next to me, but just close friends as invites. And that’s no one else’s fault but my own.
I feel this 10000%. Getting married was a really huge reality check that I really didn’t have very many people in my life, like at all.
@@erinnn5790 There’s so much pressure to have 5,6,7 close friends and it’s weird because I’m high school I would’ve needed 8 bridesmaids but as an adult, majority of those friendships have gone separate ways. It does make me feel better though because my fiancé is super bubbly and makes friends wherever we go and even he is finding it hard to choose 5 guys he thinks are close enough.
@@rachaelannewalker Yup, my sister had 8 bridesmaids plus two backups just in case... and she claimed once to 'not to have any friends'. And then there's me, with one close friend and nobody else, certainly never had a gf before. Y'all want me to have 8? I can't even get to 2!!
Do you think an extroverted personality can develop later rather than congenitally?
@@user-ir7wf3ef3l So it’s funny you ask this because I feel like a completely different person when I wrote this a year ago. My now husband and I have completely switched roles and I’m the one with the plans and friend group and he’s the one to want to stay home. (I still love being at home too.) To answer your question, I would consider myself a bit of an extrovert but I didn’t just wake up like that one day. I purposely put myself out there (which was crazy scary) but honestly I got to the point where there was nothing to lose and it all paid off. I know there are different levels of introvertism but I think it’s totally possible to change and adapt to for those that want to.
If I had to give one bit of advice on this to someone in their teens or early 20s, it would be to keep up your friendships with extended family that you are close too, cousins etc.
I drifted away from my extended family and placed much more emphasis on my school/college/work friends. As you get older, you'll find that many of those people drift away, simply because the thing that brought you together isn't there anymore. Most people also place platonic friends very low down the pecking order of priorities.
Family on the other hand have a blood bond. They will give a shit about you when it counts. Don't ditch them.
Thanks for the advice sir
This is what I thought too. But I have an insecure and complicated relationship with my extended family. Mind having a conversation on this?
@@xeixi3789 What he says doesn't happen all the time, blood bonds are not a safe thing for everyone, sometimes the people that can hold us back the most are those of our own family.
Jokes on you I don't have any extended family
This highly depends on the family, by the way
Making friends is not hard
Keeping them over the years is
Don't worry if you only have one true friend. Most people don't even have that.
keep the few people that truly know you close AMEN
pls don't say it's "not hard" it really pisses me off to read that because it's always been really hard for me...everyone had their own friendgroups and i've never been part of any friend group
@@mateoslab Me too. Never. I have 2 true friends tho. Twins who are 3 years older than me. They don't have friends either.
@@mateoslab to be honest i've never had a true friend group. always been the outcast even though I got along with everyone. I feel this but also it being hard or easy is all perspective. What Gabriel is saying is that those very few people you come across in life that you connect with deeply, keep them close.
Love this Gabriel!
Honesty won’t get you all the friends, but it will get you the right ones.
~John Lennon or something
@caprice.t 😂
That dead wife beater had the best lines. "Imagine" video filmed in his mansion on his 74 acres.
I learned to make friends by being chill, talking calm, using common sense and having a high sense of humor so others don't identify me as "boring". When it comes to making friends, find people who are trustworthy, chill, and incredible nice. These type of people will help you in the long run and last for decades. They will show loyalty, honesty, and most importantly true friendship. Always make sure you lead a good first impression, it's like finding a really solid ground to build a skyscraper.
You have honestly made life so much easier. Its like all the hidden rules to becoming a better version of yourself are found in your videos. Thank you so much 🙏
I decided to not reach out to my friends anymore because it felt like I was always the one who had to initiate talking and inviting them to things. It wasn’t until I did that that I realized they don’t really care about me :(
samee :')
It's true same here, and it's pretty sad
I'm sorry for you, I wishes you to find a true friend one day :)
@RUTURAJ BENDKHALE Nah we used to all play video games together and we all loved sports. They just only reached out to me when they were bored.
Same. I tried so hard to talk to my friends in a group chat but they just didn’t seem to be invested in anything I wanted to talk about, and it wasn’t until I stopped messaging, that I realized they never cared that much
when he said, “Liked by everyone but loved by no one”
i felt that
this is an edit (2 years later) i got through it pretty well, i have a lot of friends and i am very happy with the version of myself
just let time pass, dont take bad decisions, everything will arrange itself eventually
hope i helped some people ❤️
I'm not even liked by everyone, let alone loved by everyone.
@@watchinvideos Nah brah, that's just you telling yourself that, don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and I also kinda disagree with the last point of this video about how we should try to find people with our same exact mentality when honestly we learn much more from people who are the opposite of us
@@siroshcelotYeah, I know about this getting-out-of-your-comfort-zone stuff, mind you, I've been applying it for the past three years. I also know about mindfulness, being in the present, different types of mindsets, and yada yada yada, but the thing is, those people literally can say some nasty things about me. I don't think that's just my messed up brain telling me lies or misinterpreting the information. I'm actually in no need of these "humans", who can't see farther their own ego.
I also agree because I am afraid to go outside the comfort zone and voice my opinions💜
Me too that's me
I have autism and it’s hard to make friends, but I have loads of support at my job. It’s a blessing really and my therapist is my biggest support.
Something I love about your video editing is that even though you're teaching important things to people and voicing your thoughts, there's little mistakes still prevalent in the video. A jumbled phrase, a word said wrong, things like that. It makes you feel more down-to-earth and human--you make mistakes too and there's nothing wrong with that.
People saying “oh I only have 2 close friends”, and I’m like “bro, that’s more than enough, most of the people have just 1 close friend”. Close friends are never more than 3.
And other people have no friends at all, like me
I’m lucky I have 6 men I can hold close to my heart and I’ve had them since I was 12. They’ve even gone as far as to say I’ve been the heartbeat of the group but now we’re all going out separate ways to go be real adults and live life and I’ve been faced with the challenges of making new friends in a post-covid, college environment. It’s tough.
@@BoxOfCurryos sameeeeee, college envir sucks tbh, i'm now entering second year of pharma school and i think I will do better this time
Edit: I'm not doing better X)
@@nataliaponte1292 i feel you fella, i feel you
Useful points from the video:
1)Be the one who initiates social interaction or events , don't wait for other people to invite you
2)Show your geniune, true and authentic self to others, never just agree with whatever. Voice your opinion
3)Be comfortable with rejection that way you can meet more people and increase your chances of forming deeper bonds.
4)Go to the places where you think you can find people who have the same interests as you.
All the best for anyone who is reading this :)
Well done.
thanks
Thanks for this!
for point 3, i usually initiate activities with that one friend, but they never do. I think its the other way round for me, should i stop initiating?
@@arthur5771 i am really not an expert in this subject but since you asked, If that one person takes you for granted , I think you should stop initiating with him / her.
Wow.. I wish I could’ve seen this 4-5+ years ago, it would’ve saved me so many nights of crying lol over being so frustrated from not having any close friends. I’ve gone basically my whole life without making ANY friends that I’m comfortable talking to, and recently I’ve begun to understand why but this video really put it into words. Literally everything he said called me out 💀
it’s so hard though, to take initiative and to be able to say and do things without fearing rejection. I’m so anxious in front of people that I analyze every single thing I do and say that I can’t even think of what I WANT to do or say. For a while I was scared I had no personality at all, because I just literally became no one in front of other people.
I’ve been so afraid that I don’t have any time left to make close friends.. But videos like this give me hope and I’m so grateful. And the tips are actually useful!! It’s gonna be really hard to implement them but I’m hoping I don’t fail this time. Thank you so much, I’m really glad I stumbled across this video and an entire community of people who are also struggling, don’t worry guys we still have time
Also that sponsorship transition was smooth af lol
I can relate to your comment, this has been a major issue in my life for a very long time, and hearing what he said hit the nail on the head. I'm guilty of all the above
@@SlobZombie What do you struggle the most with? I hope you'll be able to build close relationships and make more friends now
@@datmangotho9618 how is it goin now?:D
@@daryavinocur6836 it’s alright!! I can’t say I’ve made many friends but my confidence in myself as a person has gotten a lot better, or at least my tendency to care what other people think has gone away lol. I think all I need to do now is meet the right people to build connections with :,) how are you doing?
This video was so heartwarming. I actually got a bit emotional watching this because of the happiness you radiate while hanging out with your friends. I've been watching your videos recently while drinking my morning coffee and it just nudges my day in the right direction. Keep on doing these videos my friend, so many people find these super helpful and inspirational! Thanks man!
“Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.”
― Oscar Wilde
Calm down
This
if you genuinely care, it's really not that hard.
What does that even mean? Not being jealous of their success?
POV: you aren't very good at making friends so now you're scrolling through comments.
Accurate.
I laughed pretty hard, this is accurate
Nope I do make friends but still have social anxiety
I've never been so offended by something I'm 100% agreed with
well I believe I'm okay at making friends, however my two problems are:
1) I'm not finding my group of people since I left high school (where I had lots of friends and acquaintances)
2) I tend to avoid conflict at all cost. Once upon a time I'd be scared of getting into a fight with a friend because people always drop friendships so easily, but now I realize that it's an inevitable part of life, and it's important to have fights/disagreements. That's when you really realize who people are.
I was taught to always be nice to everyone brcause you never know what their growing through.
I think I took it to the extreme because when you said "liked by everyone loved by no one" I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL.
LIKE DANG
You have very thoughtful deep dives on subjects, and I really enjoy the whole vibe you go for. It's relaxed but communicates very effectively.
I'm that *Nice* type of guy everyone likes but....
when he said, “Liked by everyone but loved by no one”
He murdered me.
Yep, same...
ooooooff, that's me...
hits home..
Literally. That actually hurt to hear. It got me thinking. The three closest friends that I have, I've had for the last 10 years and back when when I was making friends I was super outspoken about my views and so the people that stuck with me became like my brothers. I realized that when I moved to a different country I became really quite mild and inoffensive. Perhaps because I didn't want to offend anyone in a foreign country but I didn't realize that it's probably why...Fuck.
Jack of all trades master of none
To be honest....I don't know how to throw a party. I never hosted one.
I could say: "Because in my childhood and youth I was bullied and had no friends." But now I do - and I never planned one, never even googled it.
Because I'm anxcious it would be a bad party, or sit-in or whatever and my friends would think bad of me.
I just recognized that when watching this video. So thanks man...I'm gonna host a social event now and look where it takes me.
Always remember that even your party failed, It Will be experience for the next one good luck
You should update this !!!
good luck with your party man
If you make or buy tacos, the people will come. Hosting is a skill I have been slowly getting better at over the years. Honestly, people just want to chill and if you can provide a decent chill space they'll be happy to hang.
@Tf Oh Yes, that is precisely what this form of anxiety is lol it sucks
"Opt for honest communication and quick rejection" loved that
Thank you so much for talking about rejection being a tool. I helped me turn it into something i’m grateful for, which is an idea i already explored but you saying it really drove it home for me.
People always say it’s harder to make friends when you get older. This is because you HAVE to get out of your comfort zone, outside of your normal regular, working routine. When growing up, we’re forced out of our comfort zones with a new school year, new semester, school camps, etc. But most people when they get older stop all of that and just go to work and go home, rinse/repeat. If you want to meet people and make friends, you have to get out of your comfort zone and get out there 👍🏻
That makes sense... but! Where excactly would you really go? In my case I do learn everything by my own at my home, I have easier time having exhausting strength and hypertrophy training at my home gym. I just don't have anywhere to go since I do everything locally. That also doesn't mean I am really that searching for someone else since I know that people are not that needed in life but sometimes it would be fun to have ONLY one person to share some ideas with. I've had some of these in the past but they were a mistake.
Yeah, where would you go for creating interactions? I'm not in college anymore. Even then when I spoke to people and invited them, I never kept any friends. If you go to my state, if you say hi to a random person in any form of being in public, you will always get a weird look. I've been told its the complete reversal down south. To the point when someone in the grocery store is trying to know every aspect of your life and very creepy for how friendly they are.
At work, everyone is at least twice my age. But I do try to have conversations. Its the best way for them to feel more comfortable around you and they would be more willing to reach out to you. But its not the situation where they invite you or you invite them. to anything except work holiday parties.
I don't go to bars. I don't go to gyms. I would rather save money and go on a walk/run down the road rather than spending $20+/month. There really isn't much else from there. For the most part it is who you know. Friends of Friends.
There isn't any club stuff, learning locations for say cooking classes, or whatever. Especially for adults. I've asked libraries, shelters, etc for volunteering. But it looks like they only take kids. No adult programs. Took over a month to hear back from the animal shelter. But at that point I was back in the middle of my college classes, working a night time job, and studying after that for exams. There was absolutely no time. Now that I am a bit older, I don't see the reason to help out since it seems to be a very secretive society lol....
My two friends don't really have friends themselves after we finished high school. We hang out at both of their houses. But not my mobile home. I've invited them for drinks and sitting by a fire pit. They know I don't have extra controllers. I've told them they could bring theirs. But majority dictated to hang out their places.
And no, it isn't my fault. Whether it was the way I acted or looked. I had a twin sister growing up who would say that I was a awful person that ruined her life... Abusive, always hitting her.... No that was my father and she put the blame on me for whatever reason. She never went to school with any bruises... I took 90% of the beatings. Being hit with metal or wood. I didn't bruise easy. She had it off easy compared to me. Hell she tried to stab me with a knife back in high school cause she thought I was annoying.. She's Crazy... In middle school she had an eating disorder, anorexia... That totally messed up her mind. There is ton more to the story for how crazy she is now... But that is for another time.
People who I never met knew me (my name and what I looked like) and didn't want to speak with me.... No one every gave me a chance to know who I really was. People are very gullible. Didn't matter if we moved. She would start up the whole process. Even though I kept to myself in school. I tried to be social. But in high school I tried to socialize...Joined a sport, tried joining clubs. But no one socialized with me. I ended up leaving the clubs after a few meetings. But I kept to myself because everyone knew each other from birth and they chose that they had enough "friends." Even if they didn't say it.
In general, I'm a very kind/shy person. Willing to help out. Managed to keep a couple of friends from high school but never met any new people. But they act more like associates.The college I went to was filled with pricks with money. More females to male ratio. The older people who had kids themselves were the ones I ended up speaking with the most. But were are at different points of our lives.
Sure as hell doesn't help with COVID ongoing too....
I'm doing my best
Good friends that are better than you at something are such a great help and something you should truly be thankful for!
totally agreed!
and the best is when you can both teach one another 😄👑
@@EvzTheVlogger That's the absolute best case ;D
And why would those people want to be friend with me, when they are better than me?
@@peacebuddha96 Often out of compassion. People are very helpful quite often. Also, you might be good at something they want to become good at so you can "trade"
Your video shed light on the shortages of my social lives and ofc on the whys!
I made many thoughts and makes me behaving more openly with others, trying to be perceived real me instead of just a person trying to comfort every each person!
Thank you so much, much much!
Hey man I wanna say thank u, I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m not happy in life and why I feel unappreciated, and watching this has made me realise that I need to try and put myself out and reach out to more people. Thank u so much
1. Always take the initiative.
2. Honesty is the antidote: be willing to break out the small talk. If you want to say something just say it.
3. Rejection is a very useful tool. Quick rejection.
4. Demographics: Go to places where people similar to you are.
Gracias!
@@chris-mh9ul yeah that is racist if ur implying that people like you (ethnically,racially idk which one) cant be of better stature. Why is that? because of social status? I do agree that hanging around those you see better than yourself is beneficial but not when you put it like that.
So you're saying that I should go to a brothel?
That’s what I’m saying I have made some of the deepest friendships by being the one to cut the small talk and ask a real question
love this!
As a 17-year-old, you make me realize the value of my experiences. Not everything lasts forever. But, if can learn a thing or two there's no doubt it was valuable to who you are today.
time is on your side pal!
you have the right mindset for a 17 yo. wish you the best brother.
especially enjoy the time you are in right now... it's the most open and free time you will have in your entire life... just everything opens up to be explored and there is just enough time before too many responsibilities start to chase you around... just making experiences is so valuable in that time... doesnt even need to be positive ones... just experiences... it will make you grow. enjoy it bro!
You are wise beyond your years my friend
@@YuriNoirProductions What are you talking about. After graduating I have easier in my life than ever before. I don't have to go to fucking death camp called school that tells you what you can and what you can't do. I can buy myself things and do actually whatever I want. I dunno why some of you people are saying that it is harder in adulthood. The only thing that is hard for me in adulthood is getting friends, but that's my experience.
That's one of the best, and most important videos, I've ever watched on-line.
Thanks a lot!
This video is exactly what I was looking for. Been struggling with a lot of this stuff recently, and this video has revolutionized my understanding of these problems. Thank you.
Whenever I'm out with friends anything I might say or do, always goes through a damn filter in my mind as to not make myself look odd or get controversial. I never voice my opinion or express myself like I would normally do, I'm essentially just playing this "role" of an ordinary, simple (and now I realize a very boring) guy with the aim to get liked by everyone because I don't want to get rejected. I realize now this is why I never have any meaningful relationships with anyone and why the few relationships I've had just faded away. So all I need to do is to turn that filter off and just be myself. Thanks for the informative video...really puts things in perspective!
Go for it
Meaningful relationships will turn toxic, the drama cycle is not worth it. It bothers the mind
exactly, How r u now bud?
I have been going through the exact same thing and I relate to you a lot. I’ve been trying more to be myself in multiple situations when I’d normally become super agreeable and a people pleaser. I’d never form real relationships either, and I’d feel really bad for being so disconnected or if I did something that may have been viewed in a bad light- things that would “make people dislike me.” I’ve just recently started the journey of showing my most authentic self to others, and hopefully I can become more comfortable with me. Thank you for sharing your story!
@@emedits4607 bro, the first sentence gave it away. You dont have to explain yourself, or excyse it especially when thats exactly what ur gona do. If u do something stand for it LOL we need to learn that
3:55 Damn, that hurts. For most of my life, I have been the type of nice person that doesn't express opinions or my position and view of the world. I even remember a phrase that a very close friend of mine told me: "Yeah you're nice, but I don't know you. "
This video came as something else to change my point of view of the world. Especially considering how much of an introvert I am.
well he must have said that for a reason. Learn from it and adapt.
@@calvin9187 Yeah you're right
same
@@calvin9187 that sounds like the Bear grills slogan
Wow that would crushed me
This is gunna be a really long story so if you take the time to read it thanks in advance! :)
My family and I moved from Mayaguez, Puerto Rico to El Paso, Texas in January 2012. It was easily the hardest thing to have happened to me not only because it was an unwanted change of location due to many factors, but because I was leaving truly the greatest friends I have had in my entire life. Veronica, Juan Diego, Fernando, Miguel. With them, life was literally perfect, school was amazing (I had Veronica in every single class from day care all the way to 3rd grade, when I moved in between semesters. Unironically, she was the last person I ever saw in Puerto Rico as her and her family drove us to the airport to ease the transitions and say their goodbyes) there were many fun activities that we could do, and if we ever got in an argument we would be running back to each others company after a week at most. That's when I knew our friendship was real, nothing could split us apart until I had to leave. We moved from a sunny, humid city to a brittle cold winter from one day to the next, and when we got to our hotel, I got in the shower and cried. I never wanted to leave Mayaguez, and once I arrived in El Paso the first thing I wanted to do was leave. School heightened that desire. My first day I was settling in, I was assigned 2 people to tour around the school, they were uninterested and just showed me the basics and moved on. Once it was lunch time, I tried talking with people but relationships were already established and it seemed like everyone was in a group already and they didnt have room for one more. I tried to talk to them but I had an accent and they just looked at me and said "you talk weird leave us alone", and if people disnt care about how I talked they would just bully me (just the basic children mocking like four eyes or slender man) and the first day I was alone. Come the second day and I was sitting in the corner of the table alone during lunch, when the most popular guy and his friend came to sit next to me, and all I could think to say to him was "why are you here", and he responded with "why not, do you want to be alone?" I was in awe, all of these people rejecting me because of the way I looked or sounded, and here came this awesome athletic and smart guy wanting to talk to me and I thought to myself that this has to be a real friend. And he was until he moved a couple of months later. Fortunately I grew closer to his friends and created a relationship with them too. They turned to be my "best friends" here in El Paso, and we were close for a couple years until a birthday party came and everyone avoided me except for the host and another friend. The next day that person told me that no one wanted me to be there except him, after 2 years of being friends this hurt and I confronted them, and just like that they stopped talking to me. Then in middle school that last friend went to the popular kids table and left me alone, just like when I got here. In middle school I met a bunch of new people from different schools who had many similar interests to me and we had many happy memories, some just in school but others outside of it too. 7th grade i met an incredible person called Aileen. She was reserved at first but for some reason I approached her often since we sat in the same group in class and she turned into one of the closest people I had in El Paso ever. I found many feelings for her that I hadn't felt before, but I was too scared to make a move or ask her how she felt, and a couple of months later she died of an incredibly rare disease called HLH. This was the hardest thing to have ever happened to me in EP, and the more I thought about past events, the more I realized she had those same feelings back for me, and that turned into a depression (i didnt know it was a depression until our highschool had a presentation on the signs of it) for about 3 years, and it was one of the first of a long list of regrets due to overthinking. Then in 8th grade who I considered one of my "best friends" got into the football team and it was deja vu, another friend lost to popularity, but I still had one other friend who stuck by me past middle school. Come highschool and my social anxiety and nerve to start conversation kicked up to its highest ever, and since I went to a different highschool than I was supposed to I barely knew anyone. I joined a group of kids who just dragged me along so I wouldnt be alone and be thought a loser by everyone. Then in 10th I met the two people who are to this day my only friends, Steven and Martin. Over the covid pandemic and lockdown, transitioning to online, my friend from middle school, has just left about a month ago, we just drifted apart I guess, he met other people and left me out of it. During lockdown I found my old yearbook for pre k and all that happiness that k felt whenever I thought of Puerto rico and my friends came back to me in a knuckle ball, and I just sobbed because I realized that ever since I arrived to El Paso, every single friend I have made has left me, everyone, the only two left are martin and steven, no one else. And I think of the happiness I felt in those polaroids, my happy faces with my friends, with veronica, juan diego, Fernando and miguel, that happiness was genuine and it was caused by real friendship. And I just barely accepted how much I miss them. I miss them so so much, it's an incredibly painful feeling to miss them as much as I do. The only fear I have at this moment is that they dont remember me that the bestest friends I've had ever have forgotten about the moments we had together. I cant find their social media, and I wish I could just give them a hug, all 4 of them, I wish we could go back to the beaches and have fun.
Now in just a couple weeks I start my first day of university, with only 2 friends and the intention to put myself out there as uninteresting as I am, to find genuine people to make relationships with. I hope I succeed in that and hope they dont shut down the school so I can at least attempt it haha but I will give it my best shot. Again if you read this, truly thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
I remember this song while reading your story. czcams.com/video/rWNgZEJ_cso/video.html it was friends who broke your break by James Blake
read this entire thing, and it hurts man, just how relatable this is, especially after you realised how good you had it and that may never happen again. hang in there, you and i are on the same boat. it gives me some comfort and solace that i’m not the only one, albeit it’s not much, but it’s still something. praying you and i both get our tribe of friends who will stick by us no matter what 🤲🏽💕💕💕
Hola! Una puertorriqueña aquí :) Leí tu comentario y solamente con irte de la isla debe de ser sumamente difícil. Me da mucha pena todo lo que ha pasado con eso de las amistades, y más que esas amistades que se quedaron atrás y nos has vuelto a ver. Los boricuas somos distintos y es entendible que te hagan falta. Tu comentario original es de hace un año pero espero que te vaya bien en la universidad y aquí una amiga :))
one of the people, who actually read this all. Damn, you have a big history being with people
Hope you are okay now and finally have found good people to be friend!!! I'm also starting university, in a few days, and making friends is one of my main concerns 🥲
The first one already got me! So much realness in this video. Thank you damn much 🏆👏
3 steps on my Making Friends video:
1. Have fun stuff planned in your week that you are going to do with or without anyone else (gives you something to invite people to)
2. Be the initiator. Practice approaching. Initiate conversation with stranger (That's how you find people to invite to the fun stuff you have planned, suddenly you're that cool guy inviting someone into the fun)
3. Get outside more.
fr
💯
Love you lots hamza💥💥💥💥❤😅
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Comment maxing huh😂
Adonis❤️
*Personal reminder:*
*1) **1:18* _Always assume iniciative._ Don't just sit around waiting to be called to a party or make plans. Take control. The worst that could happen is that the people you invite reject your proposal, but even then you have to have a clear conscience because you did what you had to do.
*2) **3:08* _Honesty is the antidote._ If you don't express your identity, if you are not being yourself cause you're afraid of not liking others and you just pretend to be someone you are not, then it will be difficult for you to make friends. Try to be you. If you don't say what you actually think, you're basically concealing your identity from others. And people don't tend to bond with people that they don't know at all, especially people who they don't trust. If you say what you think or show your true self, people can do one of two things: agree with you or reject you. First thing is great in itself. And being rejected, paradoxically, it is too.
*3) **5:52* _Rejection is a very useful tool._ When you communicate honestly, when you're not afraid to be controversial and be who you are in front of other people, then you're inevitably gonna make a lot of people stay away from you because they completely disagree with you. And that's a good thing cause you can figure it out very quickly who the people who are actually staying are. And those people are probably the ones that you can bond with. Rejection is an inevitable vicissitude of life that always happens if people are incompatible or have different points of view or life projects. Rejection can be difficult to process mentally, especially if it is sudden or if the person rejecting you is doing it in an unpleasant or offensive way. But, trying to see the good in things, maybe that is better, because that way you avoid the painful breakdown of a long friendship or love relationship.
*4) **8:50* _Demographics advice._ If you complain that you can't find people like you, who likes the exactly or similar things like you, or with your same hobbies or controversial opinions about religion or politics or whatever, just try to frequent social spaces in which it is statistically and demographically more likely to find people similar to you. Places like churchs, extracurricular events, optional meet ups and stuff like that. If you wanna increases your chances of finding people that you connect with, get out of your comfort zone and stop looking in the same generic places as always.
Lies again? Make Friends Die Faster
@@NazriB what?
I needed this video right now. Specially your theme about rejection, small-talk and being social active.
"You'll be liked by everyone, but loved by no one." is the sentence that hit me the most.
The only thing I would say about this video is sometimes it's very valuable to have friends that fundamentally disagree with you, if mutual respect can be maintained. I think only having friends that agree with your perspective can leave you blind to the humanity of the "other."
Nice video though, thank you.
You know, I agree with this as well. It can definitely place you in a bubble if you only have and keep friends that agree with everything about you.
There is a quote that says:
“You are who you surround yourself with”.
That’s why we should always surround ourselves with people that have healthy habits, and people that we admire and respect.
Yeah. Especially in academic settings
If you are who you surround yourself with then I guess I’m nobody 🙃
i dont have any friends with healthy habits. almost all have problems with drugs or alco.. well and thats who iam :D
@Rob Vel 😂 good one
Also our environment plays a huge role as well.
I have gone through many videos on this topic. But yours one is the best honestly.
You never know who you’re going to meet in life. Just be open-minded and let people into your life. It’s not always about romance, it’s about people and the energy they have and how you just never know!
*Due to corona and isolating urself, u realize how important it actually is to socialize and be with friends* 🙏
The real question is: is that emoji one person praying, or two twins high-fiving?
@@joshuak4553 Well... The name of the emoji is "Praying hands"... So I don't know
Joshua K well great, thanks, now I look at that emoji differently
True..
@@joshuak4553 why do you think they're twins?
I feel like youre my friend
I feel the same way :)
@@betterideas Feel for me too
This is quite helpful.
One thing that really struck me was: you view yourself through how others view you.
I got bullied and ignored for 5 years in high school. So I thought of myself as a worthless person that no one wants to associate with, and I don’t talk to people that much because I don’t think they want to talk to me. I even got a speech impediment from how insecure and unconfident I am.
I’m now trying to take initiative and voice my opinions during group conversations but I find that the lack of social skills and the fear of stuttering is really getting in the way. I am now so out of the loop that it’s hard for me to make friends anymore. Very hard.
Anyways I will apply some of the techniques of this video and I hope it will give me a social life.
This is really the best no bullshit self-help channel I've ever watch. Loved it
“You may forget with whom you laughed, but you will never forget with whom you wept.”
--Kahlil Gibran
First I read 'slept' 😆
When i read this comment.... I try to remember with whom i wept... And.....Oh i never wept in front of people...
I have dementia
@@Christian-mn8dh sorry
I really love when people with experience try to teach others what they've lernt it's like when u sit when ur grandma and start talking about life 🥺
Do u wanna be my friend?
@@TheLegend-rx8yu we all want to be your friend :)
@@ali_el_baba3665 Thanks a lot man!
@@ali_el_baba3665 fax
@@TheLegend-rx8yu I'll be your friend dude
THANK YOU!! All these tips are SO easy and practical!
I just started a new school year and have a little problem with communication in new circle.
Thank you million times and have the best day💕
“Liked by everyone but loved by no one” that one really hit me
4:35 That was the most Canadian convo ever lmao
"Liked by everyone but loved by no one"
Perfect description of my life
Well i think everyone hates me
Wow, this is exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve been too pleasant for too long. This was very helpful, thank you!
This is such genuinely good and solid advice. Starting tomorrow I wanna try being the most genuine and best version of myself that I can be. I don’t want to run away from socializing, I don’t want to dwell on my fears and anxieties and loneliness. I’m going to work my way through my own strangeness, and embrace my true self even though I’m sort of weird
“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
- Walter Winchell
This is so incredibly accurate. I am a religious guy and I really struggled to find frienship early on in college. I would go to a party looking for a new buddy or the love of my life and always comeback disappointed feeling like an outsider. Finally, I began to go to events held by the campus church and now I am involved with a community where I have real friendships and share deep values with people. It has literally been life changing. Take this guy's advice, go to where you are most likely to find people who share similar values and interests as you
I am so much like you. I tried to fit in at different places but you can't force it. I've been attending a small group and I feel like I fit in there so much more, and most of my friends are from church. It's so worth it to just be yourself
I am litteraly crying. Thanks so much for this video because you just brought answers to my question that im trying so found since 2-3 years. Thank you 🙏🏼
I just want to say thank you, your videos really help me see the most simple things more clearly. Just please keep it up as I think so many people need your wisdom in their life 🙏🏻
“The best mirror is an old friend.”
― George Herbert
wow I was just about to go to bed then this video came out of nowhere lol
Me too lol
Same 😂
Same, we livin the same lives
Same here
Same
Relatable, inspiring and a perfect solution for my SAD. This is wut ive been searching for years .
Great advice. Also I’ve seen skillshare talked about on other channels and always skip, but you brought it up so smoothly I genuinely listened and am interested haha, thanks!
"I don't need friends, they disappoint me."
"Hi my name is Carla Shaw"
? LOL your joking right?
💃
Cringe
@@user-np8yf8fj2w Ur cringe
I'm an interesting case. For the past few years now, It's been very easy for me to make friends. I used to be more of an introvert but expanded on myself and a lot of what was said in this video were just things that came to me naturally.
However, I've also learned that being that outgoing person takes a toll on you if you aren't careful. Last year, it greatly affected my mental state and because I was trying to keep up with everyone, a lot of the time, I'd forget to handle a lot of my own priorities.
This video definitely has a point about how rejection is a good thing. Having a small circle is nice, especially when you know these are people you can trust.
While I still do have a large number of good friends, I now just take casual mental breaks from everyone to sort myself out. I learned that you can make time for others, but dont forget to make time for yourself.
absolute gold tier content, something refreshing to see on this platform for a change
Very happy to have discovered your channel today, Joey. Love your vids!
I literally started laughing at this because it’s so true. I went from 15-20 friends in high school-college to zero 😢😢😂😂😂
After you turn 25, or around that age, everyone you used to hang out with goes their separate ways. You’re lucky if you tomato a couple of your old friends when you get older. It’s not you, it’s everyone.
I have 0 friend when I started high school and I still have 0 friend when I'm about to graduate high school lol
@@iliveinsideyourhouse3943 ill be your friend
@@zijingwang7196 talk to someonee
@@iliveinsideyourhouse3943 it’s because you’re in my house, get out and ask permission…I’m just kidding. But learn to accept rejection and just go out, it’s very minimal that we don’t know where to go make friends, 95% of being lonely is fear of rejection.
Ok that "you don't invite me" hit me hard. It's so true for me, even with my best friend, he invites me but I don't even though I love him. I'll work on that. Thank you!
youre actually really good at giving social advice i really needed advice on making friends because its my long time desire to make more friends around my neighborhood i do have friends already but tbh the only actual friends i have are the three people i like the most and i want more of those 'actual' friends
i am so impressed you are so honest and humble about this issue.
He sacrificed his hair for the power of making friends......
What a madlad. . .
I think he purposely ignored this comment 😂
@@pooja350 lol
Just like Johnny Sins.
@@Garrus1995 lol
I laughed out loud 😂
"Rejection is a very useful tool" That's so very true.
Yup, it helps solve a lot of problems.
And not really getting rejected can be problematic, you start to mistake friendship for something more and get your hopes up and in the end you're really hurt when you realize it won't work
Yep because being rejected later hurts even more than it does now tbh
That ad placement was so naturally well done i watched it instead of skipping it when I wasn’t interested in it.
Thanks for the video. You pointed out most of the point that I'm having and showed a great solution to those. Big thanks for changing my mindset
The whole waiting for the invitation thing is definitely me and I didn't even realize it until now. In my childhood I was really good at making friends and inviting people over. Guess I have some more improvement to do.
I was just thinking about this, then I looked on my phone and I was like: What the hell, am I controlling this universe.
The power of thought!
Or is Google controlling your thoughts at this point? Hm...
RX Lan hmmmm 😂
You do
Maybe life is more mystical than you thought...
I felt some of the things you said, currently in high school and I am liked by everyone, but not loved by everyone. I never get invited to things, and I'm always jealous of people posting themselves having a blast at parties. I'll take this advice, hopefully I'll self-improve. Thank you for this.
This video hit so hard, like so many things spot on that I've been ignoring. Been working on being healthier, can't forget the brain, and heart, too.
My problem is, that when people agree with me, I question them and their likeability...
I’d recommended researching how to build up self worth.
"You're like liked by everyone but loved by no one", thats me you are talking about
I am 25. Throughout my entire life, I had difficulty approaching people. I can connect with people easily. But approaching a stranger in order to make friends is very hard for me. I am constantly scared to approach new people.
You'll be liked by everyone, but loved by no one.
I don't know why, but i really liked that quote.
"The algorithm blesses my bald head"
*Posts vid at 12:30AM EST*
Joey what a madlad
I just rewatched this video and this is honestly gold material. Every point u covered in friendships is harshly but truly revealing. I will start thinking about being a friend before i go asking for one.
In the past I've made friends that initially didn't like me, they just didn't know how to take me because I was so open and honest. It was a shock to them and seemed like an act/fake.
This happened with a couple of friends who admitted this later on. They realised after hanging out a few more times that actually, that was me and I really was that open and honest and trustworthy. We're still friends decades later.
All the other advice in this video is fantastic. I can see in my own friendships or relationships in the past where resentment builds up over time when there are changes due to differences in opinions, values and beliefs. People do change over time and so then friendships can grow apart and make space for new ones with people who bring out the better in you and who you can share your true self with.
My strategy is quite simple: looks friendly enough so that some extroverts could pick me up and adopt me