Having no charisma is ruining your life
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- čas přidán 4. 06. 2024
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It's been 8 months since I used a "ruining your life" title and I couldn't hold it in any longer. It is my destiny.
😂
Understandable.
The "killing your gains" of Better Ideas
Idk man I think it might be *ruining your life*
Ruining your life is killing your gains.
Killing your gains is ruining your life.
The most charismatic person I’ve ever met was recently - a retired member of the board for a government agency. He stood confidently, spoke clearly, and looked everyone in the eyes when they spoke and smiled a lot. We asked him a lot of advice in the one day we spent with him and he said that his most important lesson is to “care about the people” and you can tell he truly meant it. This dude was making 250k+ a year and people truly liked him. Now we have a terrible and political board rep and our agency’s productivity has been going downhill since everyone knows he doesn’t really care about the employees.
If you care about people, listen, look them in the eyes, smile, and try to put yourselves in their shoes for even just a minute - people will like you! It’s really that simple (no really!)
everyone I've known to do that came off as comically robotic-almost annoying.
Columbo foils this point.
This is cap. You found him attractive and he made money so you was like “yeah he’s a very charismatic person”. Lmao a paragraph full of nonsense.
@@MoriohAnime haha he was very very very old and not my type at all. I think the steps to be more charismatic are fairly simple yet people have a hard time trying to grasp the concept. That’s what makes charismatic people, like the retired guy, very likeable people. It’s pretty clear when you see someone that exudes charisma naturally. It’ll stand out just like how Joey is describing it
And I’ll even add - that’s probably what made him so successful, in his career and with people
😊 lío Im I’ll I’lll
Here are my favorite 'tricks' to show warmth:
1. Have a neutral face (not smiling, not angry) and when you see that person, wait a split second to look them in the eye and then give the warmest smile you have, as if someone just offered you ice cream. This little pause would make them feel that the smile was for them because in that split second, you noticed them, and that made you smile. The same thing works in phone calls - even if you see who is calling, answer with a neutral semi-dry 'hello' and then when you hear 'Hi, it's Suzie,' have genuine joy and smile, 'Oh! Suzie! Hi! So good to hear you!' Again, they would feel that warmth as directed to them and more genuine.
2. MICRO-touching. Really, really small because you don't want to invade someone's boundaries. But I like to do a super gentle tap on the shoulder to emphasize a point "Yeah, that story was great BUT (gentle touch, more like a tap, lasts maybe half a second) did you know the author blah blah..." When you do this intentionally, it comes off as genuine and bonding than creepy. Learn to read their body language and don't do it too often.
3. Specific compliments. What's better - "You look so beautiful!" or "I love that Rick and Morty T-shirt, you got some style!" One is generic and meh, the other is more specific and makes the other person feel like you are paying attention to the small details. I love to compliment people on things I notice about them and especially their actions, the things they have control over, that resonated with me. It's more original and makes the other person feel seen.
4. Finally - treat people as treasure islands. They are people with life stories filled with gems. Maybe someone has a hilarious story that I wouldn't know if I didn't start asking about who they are. This is the hardest for me because, like Joey in the video says, most people are not charismatic, and they don't know how to tell a story or talk engagingly. But try to be interested anyway. I usually start really small like "What brought you to work here? Oh really! What is your favorite thing so far?" From this question alone I found out there is a closet our work building full of merch that we could take for free. You never know!
あっぷ
those are insanely good tips! thanks for sharing.
I tried this with a guy outside of the gas station and now he wants to play hemorrhoid hunters can someone help?
underrated comment. this chic gave game haha. I appreciate it!
what a great comment! thx
When I reached the part of the video regarding compliments, I had to pause to share an epiphany I had a few years ago. Compliments can be really easy actually. How often do we see something, that we find remarkable, about a person but we keep that internalized? I took the approach of verbalizing those moments as often as I can remember to. It makes giving compliments really easy. People pick up on the honest enthusiasm and I prefer discussing something I was genuinely interested about. Just don’t be a weirdo. 😄
I totally agree this is a great point! One thing I find tricky sometimes is people interpreting my compliments as hitting on them which I genuinely don’t mean to do, like you said I would just notice something wonderful and want to share it because I know I’d feel amazing if the roles were reversed
Very true. Whenever I'm out and about and in a bad or depressed mood, I challenge myself to find someone to compliment. It lifts their mood, it lifts your mood and self-confidnece, and it shifts your perspective so that you're looking for the positives about people rather than the negatives
Have u heard that men joke about how rare they get a compliment? Sometimes we say, 'we'll, I got my 1 compliment for the year.' Haha
Some of the most charismatic people I know are the most comfortable with being vulnerable to others. They admit their faults without shaming themselves, they lower their guard for you so that you feel comfortable near them, and they share their genuine thoughts and emotions.
Yeah. There is a fine line b/w being vulnerable and emotional, and being self deprecating
HAHAHA.
You're not wrong, but boy did I get unlucky in this department. I did this 3 times and got burned so hard I'll take the omni present numbness feeling nothing 10/10 times these days over risking getting burned that hard again. 3 times is a trend. Skill issue on my end I guess.
It took a while, but now I'm pretty comfortable being completely alone. When you truly accept it, like really truly accept yourself, some part of you gives up and it no longer hurts.
Just my personal experience.
@@LiveType Damn bro thats fucked up. Willing to share one of those times? I would definitely understand if you don't want too.
@@LiveTypetrust me man I used to think the same as you but you have to realize that being emotionless and alone is not better. A good quote that I think is from a movie says “whatever you do do it 100%”
@@LiveType they say practice makes you skilled... if you "fail" a lot, maybe try to practice with people you don't know and you don't care about :) that way your failure will not have any real consequence for you. However being content in your own company is something rare and something very good imo. I just hope you trully are.
Or is having no life ruining your charisma?
Deep bro deep
No literally 😭
+1 bro
I agréé it is when you truly discover yourself, your values who you are and what you like and don’t like that is what makes you unique but if you don’t know do don’t live those things and that makes you look boring
100% yes
Depression stole my charisma but I'm slowly recovering and getting it back!
Hoping the best!
how is it going then
My dude I've been exactly there like you, and you can absolutely regain your charisma. I believe in you and I am sending fistbumps your way 👊
Dude keep pushing we all have those struggles ur not alone ✊hope ur doing better now!
I used to watch your content a couple years ago back when I was still in college and needed help with studying and time management. It helped a lot. I graduated, got a job, became more successful than I could ever imagine. Eventually I stopped watching your videos as I was doing pretty great in life and felt like I didn't need anymore help. I've grown a lot in the past 5 years but I'm now realizing that so have you. You're more articulate with your speaking and definitely a lot more charismatic compared to 5 years ago. It's really great to see that even after all these years, you're still out there making all this self-improvement content for the world and clearly you don't just give out all this advice, you actually apply it to yourself too and that's pretty evident imo. Keep going my dude! Really good stuff.
Can we discuss how exhausting it is trying to be charismatic as an introvert in a space full of extroverts. It feels like a chore to come off as likable all the time, and if you’re naturally a “boring” person, or someone who hasn’t experienced a lot of the things the people your age have, it’s even harder.
It is hard but it is not impossible. An extrovert will get the group’s attention and hold it naturally as an introvert/being a more quiet person you may get overheard an that’s okay. Find out your social strength for example very genuine, authentic and passionate about topics you like and things you want to know about people in one on one conversations and people will connect with you on a different way but still will like you even though you may not be always the elephant in the room. It’s cost’s some work but the more you put your self out there and reflect on certain situations you will get the idea and eventually will get better and comfortable with being introverted. By the way you wrote this comment I guess you’re a deep thinker so try to put this out, stop thinking that you’re boring and you will notice how much people actually appreciate talking to an introvert. It takes time but it is very much achievable. I hope this helps these are my observations over the years being an introvert myself.
It will only be a chore if you're in a conversation you don't care to engage. Worrying about being likeable is a problem. If you have something to say, or bring up, you'll have space to speak. You don't have to match an extroverts outward energy. Your subtle energy can be interesting too, your introspection can help you find interesting things to say. Many extroverts confer with introverts due to this quality. They often have insight as being people that are better observers since their concentration is more about gauging the room rather than themselves.
As an extrovert introvert, I think it’s easier to put the focus on the person I’m talking to. I’m not a dancing monkey, but I’m naturally curious about people and people love to talk about themselves. So ask open questions and follow up what they are talking about. People love the attention
It is, but at the same time human beings are very adaptable. I’m autistic, I used to have horrible posture before I started yoga, and I was painfully shy from a childhood of bullying. I thought my physically glow-up would be enough but it backfired hugely, I could no longer get away with being shy, people would just assume I thought I was better than them. People don’t WAN’T to like a shy pretty girl. My new bf introduced me to two other couples and recently one of the other women admitted to me that she wanted to hate me because I’m skinny and she thinks I’m pretty but I was so charming and sweet that she can’t help but love me. I NEED charisma to survive and I still struggle with things like eye-contact due to my autism but I figured if this is a skill I need to move through the world successfully… I may as well try to sit with the fear and have some fun with it where I can. I focus on being excited to learn new things about socializing. People love it when you use their name, people love it when you are an active listener, if you ignore a person’s jealousy and pretend you don’t notice it and are just interested in getting to know them it will dissipate! I guess it’s turned into an autistic special interest of mine but it’s a skill worth learning and getting comfortable with. Just be gentle with yourself and push yourself to do the scary things in bite-sized pieces. I also let my loved ones know that sometimes I need my long walks down by the river with just my dog to recharge and they understand!
go outside dont be a bot
I think another part of having charisma is being genuine. It’s one thing to come off as charismatic but another to ACTUALLY be it. I find it’s really rare nowadays for people to wholeheartedly give a shit about how you’re feeling, what you have going on etc. You can tell almost immediately when someone is being fake and talking to you out of boosting their own ego.
The world needs more people that actually care and want the best for one another.
Charisma comes from being yourself and having confidence in yourself, I find that when I look after myself properly that's when I have more charisma
That’s empathy, not necessarily charisma. I can authentically not care about you or what you’re doing and still be charismatic. What you’re describing is more so charm. A charming person, gives a shit about you. A charismatic person will just be themselves whether they care about you or not.
@@jc3productions362 Good point. Two totally different things and what you said makes a lot sense, especially that last sentence.
Bravo. Great comment ❤️
This world needs this kind of people way too much. Thank you!
I think that's part of warmth
I find the key to being more charismatic is to quiet your thoughts, especially negative ones in public. Thoughts are real. They produce an energy others can feel, not just through your body language and actions, but human beings are deeply connected on a higher level and can sense when your energy is out of sorts. You can't think your way into making people like you. Get some sleep. Handle your life and tell your mind to be quiet.
Enlighten me more brother where do I gain this knowledge?
@@ivy8483 within yourself ultimately. Spend enough time thinking on life as I do and at some point, if you're truly seeking to live positively, all the information and experience you've accumulated throughout your life comes together it just makes sense. It's very useful to think, however if you're thoughts are negatively bent as mine tends to be, it poisons how you experience life. You can't think negatively and act positively and you can't fix problems by worrying about them. You tend to create the outcomes your afraid of that way. If you find you can't change your thoughts to positive ones, focus on keeping your mind quiet and interact with the world around you instead of drowning in your thoughts. You will always have bad days regardless of how you think but you won't be defeated by them. And seriously, get consistently good sleep. That's like 90% of it, honestly.
@@Wolfman7870 thank you
yeah that explains a lot why drunk people appear charismatic. Their thoughts are usually empty XD. But thank you for this knowledge.
@@lethinhphongthx ima go to a bar and get hammered this weekend see how charismatic ill be then
Charisma is like a superpower in life! It's not about changing who you are, but enhancing your connection with others. This video is a great reminder that charisma can be cultivated.
Having charisma is not second guessing yourself- acting with certainty, being genuine to other people and sticking by your principles. It’s also about self respect.
It's about making up half the things you say to seem like you know something you don't.
It's about pushing the people's right buttons to manipulate them.
It's about over gesturing and inquisitive body posture to seem bigger than you are.
It's all a trick of the mind that fails in truly reasonable beings.
This is all so wrong that its funny.
Not second guessing yourself - Doesnt benefit anyone but you
Acting with certainty - Doesnt benefit anyone but you
Being genuine to other people - A lot of people dont give a F for you being genuine to them or being nice to them.
Sticking by your principles - Doesnt benefit anyone but you
True charisma is how you make people FEEL. Thats it.
@@Pawpawmissionbeing nice is the opposite of being genuine, being genuine is saying something nice only when you naturally feel like doing so, or on the other hand criticising when you naturally feel it
Charisma is nearly identical to NARCISSISM. When you truly care about others you put others first. And guess what people like that tend to be pushovers and not charismatic at all. But they truly care about the people.
@@TheIsraelProphetessfacts. People like charismatic people and all charismatic people are toxic and bullies behind other peoples back that they like and are charismatic around. Charismatic also being fake. So called nice boring people are who are not charismatic but are genuine and brutally honest. With them you get no bullshit. You make a choice who to be around got nothing but yourself to blame. Choosing childish fun over maturity.
I've experienced a sort of ego death over the past few years. I used to be charismatic but life cuts you down and sometimes you just don't know where your past self went.
This is real and true. Stay up brotha.
You’ll be reborn as a different version of yourself! Take care of yourself and momentum will build once again.
Same
I think it’s more of a rebirth
@@Onthegrindmedia1 not a rebirth when it's a gradual deterioration of your identity until there's nothing left but a husk
In short:
1. Be present at the moment 2:04
2. Be powerful 6:18
3. Have warmth 11:42
4. watch the full video
honestly i don't want to watch the whole video. Imma just get the core points and bugger off. It gets annoying seeing something I'm not doing on purpose ruining my life. I'm fucking trying, man. I'll take this shit with a grain of salt or whatever and keep moving.
He's slowly becoming like everybody else, not a single interesting point in this video. And the whole exhaling power thing sounds like some Andrew Tate shit
5. Realise you'll never be charismatic because you hate talking to people
5. Care about your Hobbits
@@patricknelson86256. Let go of your fellow hobbits and become Sméagol
Charisma is essentially the ability to make other people feel at ease. In order to do this you must first have the desire to make people feel at ease without expecting any benefit in return for yourself. If you have the ability to do this, you will always win in the interaction.
Here's the TRUTH:
One of the best ways to have and develop charisma is to be doing things in your life that you'd be excited if the people you're speaking to found out about.
If you're concerned that people might find out who the loser is underneath the facade of social skills, then true charisma will not shine through. The way out is to have a grind we are on each and every day so that we can create the kinds of things in life we both want to share externally and are intrinsically passionate about internally.
It might be a hard pill to swallow, but there it is.
Thanks BetterIdeas!!
Right! The only "self-help(ish)" I listen/read to anymore is Mark Manson. I'm definitely a fan. I have heard him say, "why act attractive when you can just BE attractive"?
Fake it till you make it is bullshit and counter productive. Take the energy you're using to fake shit and use it to truly make yourself whatever the hell it is you're trying to fake.
You are awesome
@@themacocko6311 Yes exactly. Mark Mason actually inspires a lot of my own content so I totally see where you're coming from dude. Amazing comment.
Would love to have you over in my community tbh. Keep contributing, your comments are dope!
@@amdonut8091 Thank you donut! Appreciate it. You're awesome too. Keep making moves and pushing forward!!
Facts! If you’re not building towards anything that you’re excited about, you’re not going to have much to talk about or contribute and you’ll KNOW IT. Hence, a lack of confidence and charisma
In other words, self improvement is the only real advice. There are no shortcuts, tips or tricks. There is only progress or stagnation. One breeds charisma, the other decay
You can't have charisma if you don't like other people, and you can't genuinely like other people if you don't like yourself. Those who are at home in themselves (body, mind, spirit) have a clarity and stillness that makes them strongly likeable. Mental turbidity and emotional stress make us feel trapped in our own bodies and separates us from reality. Taking a minute or two to try and feel content -- a feeling of not wanting or lacking anything in the present moment -- can make a huge difference in our behavior moving forward.
The amount of bullshit and myths in your comment . 😂
Beautifully said!! Thank you!!
Being likeable is not equal to being charismatic. I tend to be liked by people but I'm not charasmatic at all
I have severe mental illness. Bipolar delusions and some episodes of psychosis. And most people around me consider me really charismatic. I am a musician and singer. I am 95% of the time completely lost in my thoughts and detached from everyone. Usually anxious and scared. But growing up being mentally ill, I got used to pretending to be someone cool while dying inside.
Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. I learned how to perform the role of a charismatic person. It is all about acting.
So im fucked forever thanks
""Just be charismatic bro"
It's great how you get so accurate with things like people noticing you or darting around.
Truly helpful man, thank you!
Thanks for the fresh content Joey. You're such a nice break from all the "alpha sigma ultra male" advice. You're just a dude, giving good life advice that I and many others can relate to. And you always put it simple and easy to understand. We need more of this
He is talking about charisma, power and being present...how is this different than "alpha" advice videos?
real
@@f_society9151 the warmth part goes a huge way, a lot of those vids try to push this super cold and self-focused advice that isn't going to help you much
@@f_society9151its not
@@f_society9151To me, the “alpha” male is obsessed with superiority and not wanting to be a “beta,” and I don’t get that feeling of a power hierarchy with this channel.
So basically having no rizz is ruining my life 😂
Precisely 😂
No Rizz ? No problem, eat rice !!
Are you telling us that guys with girls are have charisma?
@kishanchali8752 no, it's because rizz is short for charisma (cha rizz ma)
@@Ghost____Rider There are guys with 0 charisma who get girls.
It's not so important as you people claim it to be.
Don't project your beliefs on others.
So to summarize, a charismatic person is one who is listening and responding (Present), pinpoints the things that matter most (Warmth), and is ready to take action on those things (Power). So to become charismatic, one should engage with people more (Present), compliment them (Present/ Warmth), identify what matters most to them and what problems they have (Present/ Warmth), and give help even if it is just a word of advice or a shoulder to cry on (Present/ Caring/ Power).
I'm autistic so even though I do genuinely care about others and genuinely want to treat them well and be charismatic, it's been a lifelong struggle for me to be able to learn how to do that and not come across as bossy, or rude or mean. It's still something I'm working on and probably always will be, but now that I'm in my late 20s I genuinely think I've got the process down pat of how to make my genuine intentions known. I've built it up through my years in the workforce and I've come away from each job more confident and more able to tackle any sort of person and create a positive interaction with them. It's done wonders for my confidence and for my career and has led me to getting better and better jobs and leaving each job with lifelong friends that I'm so grateful for.
I was so happy when you mentioned Aragorn! He's honestly the definition of a good leader in that he cares, he's present and he commands attention. Someone else I think who has those abilities is Faramir. He's such a kind, genuine person and you like him from the first scene. He doesn't let his childhood trauma get in the way of how he interacts with people and he cares for those around him. Inspirational!
Well, for me, the most charismatic character that I've ever seen in a movie was Frank Abagnale Jr., interpreted by Leonardo DiCaprio, from the movie "Catch me if you can".
I guess this movie really shows how confidence and charisma can become such a source of power.
Anyway, I love your content my dude. Keep up with the good work.
Great example of charisma. His entire M.O. was built on it.
I also feel that Leonardo DiCarpio portrayed Gatsby from The Great Gatsby movie as very charismatic as well
The most charismatic guys I've seen are Craig Ferguson, Jeff Goldblum, Riff Raff (Jody Highroller), Russell Brand, Noel Fielding
Leo in Titanic for sure!
The inner voice in my head has so much charisma but whatever comes out of my mouth is less interesting than watching paint dry.
As I was set on fixing some of my life issues in the past years, I've been thinking a lot about all these points you express in the video as the next natural step to be a better version of myself and have a better influence on the world and those around me. Thanks for putting a name on it !
I absolutely love how real you are. When you say something or promote something then instantly realize you contradict yourself and so on, that’s my whole life
I like when I realize I do most of these things, but I’m still able to draw something from the video. I’ve learned that “treat people the way you’d like to be treated” really does ring true, and simply treating people well and caring enough to ask them about themselves has done wonders for my relationship building. This is awesome thank you
I think it also depends on the society. I was kind enough to people and putting them first just to be taken as a fool while their admiration was for those who let them down, who ghosted them. There's evey a saying in my culture, "I better be taken as hell of a man than a fool".
Absolutely! Whenever I start my day in the office I go in with the mentality of "treat others how I'd like to be treated" and it does wonders to create such a warm, fun environment with the people you work with. I've made lifelong friends through work by having this mentality and just being genuine and caring, not just for the sake of appearing that way, but because I do actually genuinely care about them and want them to be happy.
@@sims2lovealot I think you also have to know the social game because I’ve tried to talk to people at work but they rarely reciprocate positively. One person in particular keeps making negative assumptions of me yet I see this person enjoy the company of people who make fun of them. People like fun, not “boring” people.
Definitely I have noticed how detrimental is to be addicted to social media.. we just have to become more present. I hope you guys are having a great summer. Positive vibes to everybody here 💕✨🌴
Big + for the presence. I noticed when i really forget about everything else and try to be really "present" with the person infront of me, it suddenly becomes much much easier for me to act in a way that makes the other person feel comfortable with me and for some reason it also helps me with any kind of anxiety i might have.
Thank you. I was having a vague feeling like something going wrong with my social relationships, not bad but also not good.. people don’t unlike me but don’t seem to give me respects that I thought they would. I was feeling like I was missing something that I was doing wrong, and was kind of trying to find something in common from people I thought were being respected and that I personally thought as capable of themselves, somewhat cool.. I think I am now having a grasp of how to change myself. I am extremely thankful I ran into your video(channel) in this particular time of my life. This helped me a lot. Definitely subscribed your channel, have a nice day. Love from Korea❤️
The last point about warmth is so incredibly true, and it immediately made me think of a song I really like, "How's the Heart?" by Nightwish. It's a song that speaks about human empathy, and how little it takes sometimes to make someone feel better and genuinely cared for. I hope more people will realize that just asking someone "How's your day going?" can make a big impact on that person's wellbeing. Honest compliments are also essential.
By the way-thanks for your videos, Joey! Your "Inaction is a slow death" masterpiece is one of my favourite videos on this platform. Hope you're doing great, man.
You just made my day by mentioning Nightwish ❤
Having no charisma also contributes to failing more spell saves.
And not getting to f*uck a dragon
I dumped charisma cause they said wisdom saves were more common but now I don't know how to talk to people :(
The fuck are you going on about?
spell saves
@@sethgleason7611 talking is overrated
This has to be one of the most personal, deep talks I've heard ever from CZcams. It almost feel like you're talking to me 'personally'. You communicate so well, you don't please anyone, and you state your opinion and being outspoken. Thank you mate. I'll definitely watch this video when I need it.
As a young nerd, I came to know charisma as one of the three non-physical D&D attributes, alongside intelligence and wisdom. I always avoided charisma-based characters because irl I'm not conventionally bold and extroverted like a charming bard or an inspiring paladin. Then one day another player said to me, "of course you're charismatic. When you say something, everyone listens". I hadn't really thought about it that way until then.
Wow thats actually awesome asf
whoever said that definitely had high charisma
@@yomer355 lmao so true
@@jennifermarie3158 in game terms, whether you’re able to use your social skills to change outcomes is only one aspect of charisma, and depends on what the DM will allow. It also determines the power of your spells for a lot of classes, so people who want to play warlock or paladin are still going to need it. In the abstract, charisma represents both a kind of charm/magnetism, but also a certain metaphysical force of will.
Its just charisma/confidence and I’m totally agree.
Its like there is so many people on instagram and youtube who’s doing really awkward content or stuff that genuinely isn’t important but for the right audience they are popular and they are making shit ton of money from it, while the “normal” person who laugh at them, doesn’t have the charisma or confidence to do something for themselves.
At the end of the day you just need to be charismatic for the right audience and ignore what people from the other “audience” think about you.
As someone with ADHD I've battled with this my entire life. It's actually only after going into university 2 years ago that I realised I have ZERO charisma. This is why my relationships ended, this is why I made no friends in university and self destructed 2 years of my life through inattentiveness. Now I find myself having to transfer universities, but this time... I'll be going in with 100% in mind. I've worked on my impulses for the last 3 months now, and I'm the happiest I've been in 5 years.
I wish I knew about this channel a lot sooner, I couldn't respect your content more!
Same. Exept I am not diagnosed with ADHD and I probably wasted about 3 years. Dropped out of college twice so far.. Just ghosted everyone I knew there. I'm feeling pretty lost right now and I feel bad for how much time I have wasted.
you guys are in a good place on this channel
@@sally.g. Unfortunately It really is just all about starting a new, and trying again. Pushing yourself to do things you’d never do. It is easier said than done, but If you think you might have adhd, definitely talk to your doctor. The medication they can provide is life changing and helps steer you in the right direction to build the future you want.
It’s also incredibly helpful to understand how your brain operates, because it allows you to make more informed decisions in the moment.
And of course. Keep watching Better Ideas, because he really does know what he’s talking about. Guess this is a note to myself as well. Lol
Proud of you bro
Keep going 💪
Day by day, one step at a time my friend. Commit to working on yourself and remember to appreciate the little things in life everyday. Keep fighting soldier!
Such an amazing video, literally nailed how I lost all my social skills over the pandemic lockdowns, still struggling with trying to gain them back in university. One thing I don't quite understand is becoming charismatic is a key goal of what I'm trying to become and my feeling of inadequacy is the main driving force behind this want to change. If I must be comfortable with myself before I can be charismatic, I find it hard to believe I would still want to be charismatic.
Its quite refreshing to see your videos, always well put, narrated and often relatable. So, thank you for them.
You're one of the CZcamsrs who post videos that I have to rewatch and rewatch and learn from and I love it. They're always super beneficial. August 17th is my 27th birthday so I think I'm gonna have to join that Livestream and read that book.
The best advice about charisma I’ve every heard was live a life that others want to be a part of . If you are doing thing that make you happy it shows and the charisma comes out.
How do you live a life that others want to be a part of?
@@ryanstarlight8018 doing thinks you enjoy, for me it’s playing sports, participating in my classes, and just overall doing things that make me happy. It’s gonna be different for everyone but as long as your passionate about it it will attract others.
Someone who I admire a lot in fictional character roam is Ted Lasso. The calm charisma in the sense of kindness. That's what I aspire to be like. I know he struggles but he usually never takes it out on other people. You could argue there's spirituality in it as well.
I've never seen that show but that actor Jason Sudekis is someone who I think is very convincing in the charismatic role.
Just a few days ago I realized that one of the biggest problems I had was a lack of charisma. This video came out at the perfect time.
bot
so now you are very charismatic?
@@timmenhoff no lol I still haven’t watched the full video
bro what@@juliusblind3365
@@danteghazizadeh1656 and this is why you’ll always be a loser
Totally agree with you and Warren Buffett, public speaking is a key life skill. Best classes I've ever taken. Being an engineer I never thought I'd need this, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Getting your points across are key, and negotiation is a major life skill to get what you want even if you don't think about it. "You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate."
A couple of days ago when I was into a pool, I asked some guy that I had seen there and after talking a little bit, I discovered that he went to my high school. He had graduated a year ahead of me. I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't asked how he was doing.
Some of the most charismatic people that I know present themselves as warm, kind and confident and the latter is something I struggle with a lot but it's thanks to them that I have been improving on.
Great video, always appreciate your perspective, Joey. I think another framing that I have found deeply useful thanks to its simplicity, is that love is attention. Giving someone your time is an act of love. By love I am not referring any specific type like romantic/brotherhood/whatever, but simply that truly paying attention, and being open to current experience is an act of love - and love is a verb, it is something to be done, not a static state. Pay attention, it is the basis of all love.
Easily my favourite CZcams channel. You've been consistently uploading bangers for many years, and I thank you for that. You've genuinely taught me a lot about being my best self. I deleted social media completely about 2 years back, bought and read Atomic Habits using your affiliate link, and done many other things that have completely reshaped my life. You are appreciated greatly Joey, not just by me, but by countless other people who you have inspired to change for the better. Best of luck!
recently read atomic habits and it helped me reshape my life too, what other things have you done since?
I've pretty much completely reframed my mindset and proven to myself that I am capable of much more than I previously thought I was. For example, I always had the belief that I was a terrible runner, and that there was no way that I would ever implement it as a habit in my life. After reframing my whole mind and lifestyle, I gave it a good shot. I ended up running 13 kilometres, then a half marathon (21km) 2 days later, only about 2 weeks after I decided to start running. This is just one of many huge leaps that I have made since then. I could write a whole book about how my life has been completely transformed physically, spiritually, and mentally.@@samadmerchant7649
The most charismatic person I ever met was this random guy I helped while working at a thester concession stand. He was just a dude, my age, and he had a cane which I thought was odd
He said: "hey man, how's it going?"
I said: "its alright."
Him :"is there anything I can do to change that?"
Then I said something along the lines of "make everyone leave" or something like that.
Thats all I remember, but what stuck with me was the charisma of this seemingly normal dude with a cane. I hope he is doing well and the cane isnt for some illness
"Theater" connection stand?
@@themacocko6311 concession stand, where you buy food
seems like a little much imo, guess it would depend on how it was said tho
Idk how, but your videos seem to find me right at the point when I need them the most every time, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks for making this content in the first place
My first thought of the most charismatic character in media instantly was Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke. And I didn't even realize why I like him so much until you explained why.
He constantly proves time and time again throughout the film that he is capable with his physical strength & skill, he is confident and sure of himself- displaying this unwavering resolve to maintain balance in the forest -he carries himself well, and despite all of this power he strives to genuinely listen to and understand both sides of the conflict in the people of Iron Town AND the spirits. His warmth is unmistakable.
Ashitaka has always been my favorite character maybe because he stands as this tantamount example of what it means to be a good person. Without knowing it, I looked up to him as a role model. Maybe we all should.
Yeah, not all of us are capable of being some knight in shining armor like him. All of this stuff is true but I just think "im not capable", sorry.
Oh hell yeah a “fake compliment” does wonders. I’m a good looking gay dude but Im like a regular dude. Older and old lady’s come into my work and I smack them with a “you’re hair looks pretty today” or “that’s a cute dress” you can tell it just makes them feel so good. I like that.
I never believe those people 😂
Sadly due to several life cirscustances i gave up on making friends, having a gf, and i dont want to live anymore, im pretty antisocial and lone wolf because quite honestly i tried and failed so now idc anymore, lifes been kicking me again and again even tho i tried so hard so fuck it.
Another thing people dont understand is that maybe if i did try for another 10 years ill have a better life but spending 10 years being miserable just to have a small chance of having what i want isnt really worth it, you normal people cant understand none of this.
Rub some dirt on it
Bro come on. Watch spongebob season 1, 2 and 3. It will maybe change your view on life and give you the child wonder again. Its never too late as long as you are breathing
@@flowersent9614 not to be rude but its easy for people who havent gone trough half of what we people went trough to say just keep going or just keep trying, i have no family, no friends and all the friends i ever had abandoned me cuz i was too jaded and playing catch up on how to interact with others cuz i never had any friends growing up, i am tired of working shitty jobs and being a wage slave, what do i have going on for me? Nothing, nothing ill do will change how my life was wasted, some people are privelaged and will allways have an advantage in you you will never have, because u spent so much time suffering over things that arent your fault.
Again if you are fr we can be friends also charisma isn’t give you any of those things, stop believing people selling you the “dream” also you can be happy and a “lone wolf” at the same time, first create a routine, second try and change your environment, third start writing what you want to do and start doing it no matter what people say or do for fun because you want to do basically whatever reasons.
Yeah I feel ya apathy is bitch but it’s also the best.
High self-esteem and charisma go hand in hand. So be proud of yourself and shine your light.
This feels like a perfect video for me. Just jam packed with helpful content, instead of excessive waffling. Thank You! Thank you so much!
Absolutely loving these frequent uploads!!!!
Thanks broooo
There’s a danger here too: I’ve often been called charismatic by the people around me, but it was a coping strategy for a bad childhood where I had to put myself in the shoes of others to avoid traumatic abuse. It’s best to strike a balance between respecting your own energy/values and others’ energy/values.
thanks man i actually learned from this commemt that balance is necessary
so fucking true
This video has actually all the answers that I needed ❤ Thank You!
Thank you! For real thanks 🌟
Something tells me you’re probably a brilliant writer. I’m glad I found your channel! ❤
Thanks for being here!
so much warmth in the comment section
@@chalupapoopa1562 Your entire view of the world can shift depending on what corners of the internet you frequent.
@@betterideasSir i have a question.
I found many tiny hairs on my pillow every morning.
Those hairs are very tiny.
Is it bad?
I agree. As an introvert myself I remember when I was in high school I believed this Hollywood fantasy that introverts will be more successful later in life than the extroverts, but as an adult I realized that couldn't be farther from the truth. From high school I learned that people usually remain the same as they were in high school (of course there are exceptions but this is the general rule). Most of my ex classmates are as successful now 10 years later as they were as teens; those who had high grades and were extroverts with charisma are the most successful and many of them have successful businesses, those who were introverts with high grades got good degrees and specializations and are usually working 9-5 jobs either in the tech industry, medical industry or as engineers and making a decent pay but nothing crazy. The bullies remained bullies and work as construction workers, factory workers, policemen, etc, others joined gangs or do some kind of job where they can yell at people without any consequence. The guys like me who were introverts, suffered from mental disturbances and had not particularly good grades are usually working a normal job, only 50% got degrees and the others are working lame jobs (in my case I'm trying to improve my skills in all aspects so I can change that). The other introverts with average grades that got degrees usually have the lowest paid jobs in their fields because they lack charisma and connections; they remained average.
Also it's important to mention that those whose family had more money had a much higher rate of success compared to those whose families were poor, confirming that parents with money make your life much easier (even though most of them deny this reality and claim "they worked hard for what they have").
Now, keep in mind I'm from probably the worst country in South America, where poverty plays a major role. I don't know if it's the same in first world countries, but I read a study that concluded extroverts in the US have the highest paid jobs, so that might be a universal truth.
Moral of the story: Charisma, matters! Mental health matters! And you usually remain the same as you were in high school unless you do something radically different to change. This is the truth, like it or not, we can't escape society.
🎉100%
Teens of Today are missing out. They are distracted in confusions, when they have the mighty internet.
It is not only a source of learning, but also a source of earning!🔥
You can make thousands of dollars online, within months.
Atleast spend 4+ hours a day for 1 year learning a general skill online, while performing cold outreach.
You'll surely get your hands on some cash.
This was a great read and very insightful too. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Gran punto... vivo en latino América (Republica domincana para ser más específicos) y para salir adelante, en un ambiente de pobreza, escasez y subdesarrollo, tienes que ser muy carismático, tener buenas calificaciones, esforzarte por hacer conexiones con la mayor gente posible. Ese es el punto. Aunque sea cuesta arriba ser carismático y optimista, es la única opción que tienes para sobresalir.
Love your comment, thank you for sharing!
I am from switzerland and can confirm, it's the same here...
Thanks for sharing. Interesting.
I think that for me at least, it's important to realize that even if we aren't charismatic, it is actually something we can develop over time. I always thought of it as kind of like a trait, either you have it or you don't. This video also made it clear to me that there are different kinds of charisma. I recently met someone who I would consider to be pretty charismatic, but my charisma doesn't need to be the exact same as his. I don't need to change or force it or act a way different than I want to. I'll let my charisma take whatever form it will.
Super precise man
Thanks for the knowledge
I've been doom-scrolling and feeling unmotivated for the past two days...thankfully this video came out so I can get on top of my game for a day and then go back to doom-scrolling and feeling unmotivated until you make another video👍👍
I agree. After covid I had a hard time talking to a starbucks cashier. I would be anxious and fearful to asking for a flat white. I realised covid was effectively the reason (mainly it was because I was working on my business) but yeah my social skills took a big hit. Now I’m starting to come out of my shell a little bit as I’ve realised social skills are the holy grail to exercising things to come fruition in life (relationships, networking, friendships, business, etc). We’re social animals and if you are introvert (like me) you can he an extrovert for 30 minutes. You can do it.
I love how direct and honest you were in this video, felt like a little different than most of the videos that do very well on your channel.. And just because of that, I also think this video was actually lot more effective, at least to me, because I do understand where you're coming from (those little things were so funny too like the end as well) and I'm not gonna lie I can totally vouch for whatever you said because ever since I got in college and started practicing being more social, all it takes is actually just going out there, stopping being on our own, and just paying a little more respect to the real life that we are given with..
The way people have started to slowly realize how important it is to "de-screen" and live a little in the reality too, I'm probably foreseeing a trend that might be arriving soon where we all go a little anti-technology, or just this practice of "de-screening" is gonna get more popular ig..
bro i literally watch your videos and somehow brainstorm ideas at the same time and i suddenly realized that all my happiness comes from presence while also listening to you so i barely understood anything you said but i farmed you a view and i also found my source of happiness that's some good business
I loved all 17 minutes of this video!! Great Job as usual!!
Two weeks ago, I stopped wearing headphones whenever Im outside. I feel a lil more positive, I feel a lil more confident. I feel present. I feel more talkative to people. Im not trapped in my own head. The habit of wearing headphones whenever Im outside since 2019, added with the effects of lockdown, really affected my social skills. Before that, I can talk to ppl for hours. I can make small talk and strike up some convos.
Still struggling a bit, but well, Im getting back at it.
Also, I went back to using IG and FB only on my ipad and laptop, meaning i can only access them when Im home. Them being not in my phone is also making a difference.
I tried that for a while.
I was the same as you, I realized one day that I haven't had a conversation with a stranger since 2017. That's when I got my very first Bluetooth earphones.
So I stopped wearing them for about a week or so. And I constantly overheard other people's conversations and wanted to add to them. And people were more open to come and talk to me because they weren't afraid of disturbing me.
It was...
horrible actually.
I then realized that I like music more than I like people, and the whole charisma thing is not for me.
@@ChefofWar33same, honestly there's no going back from it humans are awful heavy breakdowns and cool choruses however, that shi hits
I picked up headphones since 2015 and now even without it my brain just plays some random tune I heard and it’s fun, talking to people yeah no thx.
Personally I think starting a conversation is disturbing someone as all of us have things going in our heads and those are more important than whatever meaningless small talk I(I will never but I can only talk about myself)would ever make so yeah, I don’t wanna be disturbed and I will never disturb others.
Joey you are seriously my favorite self-improvement channel, please never stop!
probably my fav video you've ever made so far, love your sense of humor!
Clive Rosfield from Final Fantasy XVI absolutely radiates charisma. He's caring, confident, willing to put his life on the line to save everyone around him. But he cares so much about everyone, he hasn't put any effort into saving himself. (don't forget, character flaws are also charismatic because nobody is perfect, but they're flaws as a result of selflessness)
Hell yeah!! Can’t wait to get into that game. I need to make some space on my ps5 😩
You could have the most brilliant mind but if nobody likes you nobody will listen to you.
1) Presence: Be fully genuinely present, Actually listen. Be aware. Stop living in a passive state, do things with intentionality. Have a mindset of providing value and gaining value.
2) Power: Build self-esteem, be aware of your posture and the way you present yourself physically and emotionally. Be useful and capable physically and mentally, take up space, and be proud of yourself. Like your life, be content. Carry yourself with intention.
3) Warmth: Actually care, be empathetic. Spend less time in your own head, and have an awareness of others' struggles. Actively listen to problems, and be encouraging. Compliment.
Tying it all together:
Be present with intention, cultivate power with intention, and have warmth with intention.
Love your new video, Joe.
It hits right up on the things i wanted to improve of myself
I really like that part about looking around in the grocery store, and you are like „i don’t know guys”. This was very true from yourself and I’ve felt that energy and feeling as you do. 😀
Using social media as a platform to bring people more into a full experience of life is the future of social media. At least I really hope that is the case. All we can do is try! ❤🙏
I agree
I used to think having people skills was unnecessary until I started to actually get out there, I had to fake it until I made it.
Man been working hard on this myself! Being a person 80% deaf with hearing aids i’ve avoided conversations just cause listening takes effort. Realized now this isn’t good for me. Great video man!
I worked with an officer on a ship who was so present and kind and hilarious. He always came to the bridge (wheelhouse) feeling alive and lit the room up. An absolute joy to work with and competent at his job.
Being authentic is also a big part of charisma, wich is mostly also a byproduct of the three mainpoints in this video and I think you at least showed this form of charisma in the last seconds of your video while somehow ignoring every aspect you have talked about in the video.
Thanks for your content Joey! I find it interesting and new in someway (even if it’s « common sense » for some people maybe, i feel like you always make a new point or add a new perspectives or anecdotes) keep up the good work 👍👍👍
Your videos are actually so helpful Joey
15:11 Something i've found to always help with compliments is to compliment CHOICES and especially not things the person cant control. It seems like a good way of know if what you're about to say could be taken as creepy
It's the difference between "you're pretty" and "I like how you did your make up"
Yes, being ugly is ruining my life
I feel like being quick witted is also incredibly important with charisma.
The final cut was chef's kiss
Thx for another good one, dude
This is a great video! I am so glad that you called out that as humans we are not saying the most simple part of a basic conversation like "how are you?" It truely amazes me how many peoole dont!
Ugh, I knew not having rizz was ruining my life.
i have to say this video definitely applies to the workplace. i’m struggling as a new veterinary technician who is NOT confident in my skills and knowledge, just coming from being an assistant. even though I know I know things. low self esteem doesn’t help me in this career path, and it shows with certain interactions with coworkers- i want to change that! its super hard though with mental illness, but every day is a new challenge.
I feel you
maybe this job is the training ground and in your next job you'll step up and have self- confidence and charisma.
Your channel works wonders for my mental state. Thank you.
Yes I have no charisma. Yes I've tried and tried and tried to become more confident/charismatic/warm/likeable over many years - trying too hard, not trying hard enough, trying not to care what other people think, trying to be positive, trying to put on a brave face, but after all that effort with very little to show for it, I'm depressed, lost in life and completely exhausted. Thanks for rubbing it in.
I appreciate that you said all of this without devolving into something about masculinity and how feminine men have become. A lot of guys will say a lot of what you said with the addiction of "no more real men", when its NOT about masculinity, and its about passive lifestyle
Uhtred from the Last Kingdom is one of the best examples of charisma I can imagine. Aragorn is a fantastic example as well Joey.
Maybe Ragnar from Vikings as well.
Thank you for your content! You‘ve been really helping me living my life to the fullest.
Very sensible advice, makes a lot of sense to me! I am going to try implementaceting this into the new school year, see how it goes. Thank you!
Richard Feynman was an incredibly charismatic person. Even though he wasn't perceived as "serious" or "grave" when talking.
He was authoritative and present in any conversation while deeply caring about the other person.
I really recommend watching any interview with him.
I have tried to falsify this hypothesis and failed.
A real good book in the same wave length is how to win friends and influence people by Carnegie. Its actually really good and interesting. Lots of cool stories and anecdotes.
I just found your channel & I just wanted to say thank you for making these videos much love
this is something I needed to hear as something as something I struggle to be consistent with
If someone seems super interesting, they are usually full of themselves. If someone seems super boring, they are either private or hiding something. This is a truth. Eye of the beholder, everyone. I hear "charisma" and I instantly think "self advertisement". I come off as boring, but that's because I'm not full of s#&!.
What you did this weekend
Extrovert;Did you know I did go to the beach this weekend and stayed in a 5star hotel with indoor swimming pool and eat crab at dinner
Introvert: went to the beach
😂😂😂😂Lol 😂
Wrong. Charisma is not about advertising yourself but making other people feel good and comfortable around you. You have to show empathy and interest to make them feel wanted and heard. Charisma is not advertising yourself.
Charisma is essentially giving off warmth and kindness.
@@Jamal-mq6xn Just remember, that's the number 1 thing everyone said about Hitler when he was alive. "He was extremely charismatic", and that's how he was able to reach the ranks he did. I see charisma, I immediately become suspicious. It's usually a sociopath that wants something from you. Don't trust.
@@weird-guyI was day dreaming, im addicted to it.