How Amy went from an intense fear of insomnia to averaging seven hours of sleep each night (#34)
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- čas přidán 8. 02. 2022
- Night after night of wakefulness led Amy to a dark place where she saw no way out. She felt helpless and doomed to a life of insomnia.
Ironically, Amy became friends with someone else who was struggling with insomnia. This friend ended up enrolling as a client of mine and started to experience improvements in their sleep. Amy learned more about the behavioral changes he was making, and - even though she assumed these wouldn’t work for her - she figured she was already suffering so much, nothing she could do could make her situation worse.
So, Amy started to spend less time in bed, she abandoned her sleep rituals, and she shifted away from trying to control sleep and all the thoughts and worries her mind would generate. After weeks of ups and downs, Amy started to get more sleep, more consistently. Now, she averages around seven or more hours of sleep each night and considers her transformation nothing short of a miracle.
Amy’s story shows that no matter how desperate things feel, no matter how severe your insomnia may be, there is always hope. If you are willing and able to make some changes to your current sleep habits and your current relationship with the difficult thoughts and emotions that like to accompany insomnia, you can get to a place where you will realize that you CAN sleep!
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My name is Martin Reed and I am the founder of Insomnia Coach®. I offer sleep coaching services that give people with insomnia all the skills and support they need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of their lives. I also offer a free two-week sleep training course for people with insomnia at insomniacoach.com/sleep-train...
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All content found on the Insomnia Coach CZcams channel is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
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All content found on the Insomnia Coach CZcams channel is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I understand what she’s saying about dark thoughts. When I first got sleep issues night after night I started having suicidal thoughts because I just wanted to escape the torture. I’m not great with self compassion either, I get annoyed and angry with myself. I’m working on having more understanding and compassion. Love to all dealing with this 🙏
You know, I think most of us could do with being kinder to ourselves - and I truly believe it's a skill that requires commitment and practice!
Your videos have helped me with my insomnia more than anything else I've seen. So I just want to say thank you!
I really appreciate that, Lori! I am really grateful to all the guests who come on to share their experiences - they truly make the podcast!
This segment along with your very understanding and open handed demeanor has helped me tremendously. The all or nothing remedial aspect of "curing" insomnia needs to be absolutely debunked. It is exactly the opposite of what someone suffering fom insomnia needs. I no longer take any medication I no longer take exhausting sleep hygiene measures. I started initially practicing sleep restriction by the numbers instead I am slowly adjusting to small victories. Getting to sleep a little later and getting up an hour earlier. And making friends with my wakefulness. Knowing not only that I am not alone and that it is OK to have occasional defeats and unexpected progress has made all the difference. I now can sleep at times for three hours straight and like this woman gain some later REM sleep as well. All is slowly working itself out Thank you so much for your invaluable input and all the others who have participated with their own stories.
Thank you so much for sharing! As you pointed out, so much of the insomnia messaging out there is not helpful - and unhelpful messaging risks making insomnia worse. It sounds as though you are making real progress by moving away from external sleep aids and rituals and implementing some new behaviors that promote your natural ability to sleep instead!
These interviews are great Martin.
Thank you so much - they wouldn't exist without all the great guests that are willing to come on and share their stories!
Thank you so much Martin and Amy!
I have the exactly same fear as Amy had. I felt so hopeless and desperate before I bumped into Martin’s website and get to know CBT-I.
I asked my therapist about CBT-I and are working with her now. My sleep in the first week is between 2 hours to 4.5. I am in the 2nd week and I am doing 4-5 hours.
Martin, I learned so much from your videos. The most important thing is that you constantly remind me of hope. I hope you keep on posting. You are changing people’s life!
That fear is so common - and completely understandable AND normal! Thanks for your kind words - and congratulations on getting started with CBT-I!
I am so, so glad to hear that you are getting 4-5 a night! I am so grateful I could participate in something that could help someone!
@@amymarx2174 It was such a pleasure to have you on the podcast, Amy! I am so grateful to you - this episode has helped so many people!
Martin does a great job and I'd like to recommend all the techniques he offers. At first I was skeptical but thanks to them I finally cured my six years insomnia which seemed impossible to me. I had ups and downs but after about eight weeks my bedroom became a pleasent place and started to fall asleep without any problems. Interestingly, all the nagging thoughts associated with sleep have disappeared. I currently sleep around 6.30 hours. To all those who are in the process of therapy, I can give one, in my opinion, key advice - Treat getting out of bed when you can't fall asleep or having to keep your hours of sleep as a single task to do. Don't think about whether they make sense, even if they seem meaningless and difficult. Be glad that they have been accomplished and continue the work. After some time, there will be a breakthrough and you will understand why you did it.
That skepticism is completely understandable - good on you for acknowledging that you felt that way and then making some changes anyway! It sounds as though your advice to others is to "set it and forget it" when it comes to implementing new techniques - and that can be so helpful since it can help reduce or even eliminate all the ongoing monitoring and evaluation. Quite often, there is a breakthrough moment - waiting for that to arrive can definitely be challenging, though! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Mat!
I so agree! Just try it and don’t think about it.
Hello @Mat Lukas how is your sleep now?
@@gabrielamailow8526 Since my last comment some things have changed. I started working in shifts, sometimes at night. When Martin's program ended I had periods of bad sleep. However after a while I understood that a few rules will not cure insomnia forever. The most important thing in the whole process is the acceptance of feelings, fear instead of fighting them. Insomnia is a consequence of fighting and denial. If you accept everything that happens to you, sleep will improve. But there's a trap that when sleep is better, you want to maintain that state and stop accepting the bad nights and the stress that comes with it. I think that insomnia sufferers often fall into this vicious circle and only when they let go of the fight sleep improves. I learned this after several years of difficult nights. But to notice that, I had to go through cbti therapy.
Going through this right now. Had to go on mirtazapine my anxiety got too.much from sleep deprivation im a massive worrier aswell. Im fighting back with exercise just need to control the mind and the fear of sleepless nights. Worst experience of my life rather have broken legs than this.
Thank you so much for this podcast. I find myself experiencing the same bumpy road with broken sleep of 2-4 hours total or so in my second week (I use fitness watch to track it, but only check it in the morning).
The hardest thing I find is to overcome a frustration of a bad night after a good night, to accept that improvement will be but not linear, to stay confident that this thing is working and will work.
I was constantly looking for any signs to convince myself that I'm improving. My biggest issue is that I never feel sleepy, I know that I am arousal most of the times so I didn't see those cues, until recently when I suddenly started nodding my head in the evening which I hadn't experienced before neither during insomnia, nor before it when I was living a happy life. It doesn't happen often, but at least I know that even though I'm arousal and don't feel any sleepiness, it is there, hiding.
Martin, do you believe that sleep related anxiety, that kicks every evening and hyper arousal should be addressed in any way other than acknowledging, accepting and doing nothing about it. Do you believe that both arousal and sleep related anxiety dissappear on their own once the sleep gradually mproves? This question keeps bugging my head, because I fear there must be something done in parallel with these two issues that I am not doing and relying on them to resolve by themselves. What do you think?
Thank you for all your answers, they are very helpful!
Thanks for sharing evidence that your sleep drive system is still present, working away "behind the scenes" and generating sleepiness once you've been awake for long enough!
There are different schools of thought when it comes to the role of anxiety and hyperarousal. Traditional CBT-I often encourages challenging the thoughts that create anxiety (since many aren't entirely accurate) and replacing them with more accurate thoughts. Sometimes this is referred to as replacing "negative" sleep thoughts with "positive" sleep thoughts.
As my experience working with clients has developed, I am shifting more to the acceptance of thoughts as a strategy. That's because the brain is always going to generate thoughts, feelings, and emotions - we cannot change or control that. Some will feel good, some will not feel good. Some will be accurate, some will not be accurate.
However, all the "stuff" that the brain chooses to generate does not need to control our actions. We always have control over our actions (whereas we don't have control over what our brain generates).
Since it's our actions that determine whether we do things that create/maintain good conditions for sleep and since it's our actions that determine whether we do things during the day that move us toward the kind of life or away from the kind of life we want to live, I think that our focus should move away from getting caught up in what our brain might be doing and toward what we have control over (our actions).
Setting ourselves the goal of eliminating difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions is similar to setting ourselves the goal of falling in love with the next person we see on the street. There are things in life we just can't control. Yet, we can commit to doing things that help make life worth living - even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I hope there's something helpful here, Julia.
I’m so stressed about being not able to sleep that it keeps me from sleep. Sometimes all I can do is cry I can’t seem to get back on track
Insomnia is difficult - it's understandable that it makes you want to cry, and that's OK. Please be kind to yourself and recognize that what you are going through is hard.
I have hyperarousal at night because I start shaking of anxiety and fear of insomnia hours before bed and I would not be able to fall asleep until I calm down my anxiety and trembling. I don’t think cbti can help in my case, if you think that your program can help me please let me know … I think the more successful I become at sleeping the more the fear and anxiety would disappear.
I had been a viewer since 2020. I went through insomnia...or maybe not call it insomnia, but a phase of sleepless nights due to stress factors. I know this fear. When I reduced my stress factors, I started sleeping but I still go through this "thought" of losing my sleep. Then I tell myself, there is God there, and HE has helped me through every time. And then I sleep :D I sleep for 8 hours straight :D Now I dont care, what time I "should" go to bed or what time I "should" wake up. I am thinking to push my fear even further than that..and I SHOULD drink tea before bed time. Sounds scary :))
Thanks for sharing, Sarwat! Sometimes we can tackle the cause of stress and this can create better conditions for sleep - but sometimes, we can't eliminate the cause of stress (just as we can't control the thoughts, feelings, and emotions our brain chooses to generate). As you have experienced, abandoning all attempts to control sleep is often the biggest contributor to creating better conditions for sleep to occur! Look at you, feeling confident enough to try drinking some tea before bed time! It sounds as though you are doing great!
@@InsomniaCoach yes! Everyone should know that, dont be scared of bad nights, as the next night is always a good night. Life never stops. Things go on.
@@sarwatsheikh8278 What a great attitude to have!
Martin, please help. I have insomnia, but it usually affects the start of the night. For the past week or so, though, I have been waking up an hour or so too early every single night, and I can't go back to sleep afterwards because I'm 0% sleepy. This is freaking me out, because I only get like 5.5-6h of sleep that way, and because it NEVER used to be like that. Usually I have to force myself to get up in the morning because everything in my brain screams "Keep sleeping!". So what's going on, and how do I fix it? I really don't think my sleep needs are already decreasing, because I'm only 19 and that stuff tends to happen to older people
What things are you unable to do, that you would otherwise be able to do, when you wake an hour or so earlier than you'd like?
@@InsomniaCoach nothing, really. I'm just concerned about it for some reason
@@greatdanelegend7001 Concern is normal and natural! If you're giving yourself the opportunity to sleep, the body will always generate enough sleep. We don't need to try to control it - that just makes sleep more difficult! Regardless of how much sleep we get, we can always do things during the day that help us live a life that is aligned with our values - and that's probably all that truly matters.
Really struggling for the last year on only 2 to 4 hours a night, OBSESSED with sleep. I think going to bed so very late would only exacerbate the fear of not sleeping making it totally non existent.
We're all different, Erika! If you're finding your current approach helpful and workable, there's no need to consider making any changes!
To be honest the later I tried to go to bed the less I slept. For some works for some don’t.
Martin...am I reading this right, your one on one coaching, there is no talking , all through email ?
The online course comes with two options - self-coaching (no coaching access) and one-on-one email coaching access.
No phone or video calls are included with the online course but clients can book one-off 30-minute calls, subject to availability, for an additional cost - as of writing this comment, the cost is $199 per call.
If you are looking for phone/video coaching, I offer a two-week phone coaching package: insomniacoach.com/phone/
Its a bit scary for me to watch this since I've experience what she has and it's not fun to re-experience it by watching this.
Fear is a powerful emotion - and, even in its presence, you can still control your actions and do things that matter (or you can try to fight or avoid fear and that could make it harder for you to do things that matter).