Pickup Artistry, Dating, & Building Confidence | Dr. K Interviews
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- čas přidán 10. 07. 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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In this video, Dr. K interviews a viewer who has trouble finding love, even going so far as spending $8000 on dating coaches. Throughout the interview, it becomes clear that the issue isn't his pick-up game.
00:00:00 Coaching availability
00:01:08 Stream start
00:04:27 Why Alex got a dating coach
00:11:16 Feeling inadequate and hating yourself
00:25:37 Solving the wrong problem
00:36:38 Being held back by your past
00:50:23 Pickup artist culture
01:03:14 Oneitis and Red Pill
01:16:18 Dating coach stories
01:37:22 Dating and life advice
01:44:04 Meditation
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
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Man, I went to High School with Alex, we rode the same bus. I never thought he was "retarded" I just thought he had a bad speech impediment. Looking back I never personally bullied him but I do recall kids asking him to do stupid shit and he would always do it because he wanted to fit in. I feel bad now. Anyways I moved senior year so I didn't really see him much. He was a fearless running back though, Terrible coordination but one of the fastest kids in our school and had heart. Crazy how I'm a viewer of Dr. K and I recognized this dude. Small world man. (Alex if you are reading this just to know Im not trolling, I lived on thoraue name is Ayden. )
Also I just felt like saying this, Hope the best for you Alex. Good luck!
Damn dude we really do live in a small world
@@Trappu- Fr.
Damn, kids can be cruel. Reason we develop these thought patterns is because of other people. It is nice of you to share this, especially reading your last sentence.
@@arezpirveceani Thanks! I really hope he saw my comment. I spoke to some of my friends and they all remembered him also. It still blows my mind that he is a fellow viewer.
During this video, you will learn that one of these two men knows how to break dance.
havent finish the video yet but Im hoping its Dr.K
oh my god I actually can't guess which
Good comment
11/10 comment, added to the experience
Now I gotta stop reading comments and watch the whole thing lol
Alex. From a woman, let me give you some specific practical advice:
1. As soon as you started going off about your dating coach that was ripping you off was actually the time you became cool and endearing. Bc u weren't thinking about what you were supposed to say or saying the right thing. We love seeing a man in his natural state which means he's not really basing his next words off what we will think of him. That makes a situation more relaxed. We can kind of read when you've got a pre rehearsed thing to say so it doesn't feel genuine. So spend more time just talking about the stuff that YOU are into.
2. Ask questions. So let's say I mention that I'm going to a concert. "Oh cool, who?" Like you genuinely want to know (only if you really do!) So now when I tell you the band, that is the perfect time for you to do a story with the headline/article but now it will be in context with the topic that we're already on. so it gives a chance for a natural back and forth to take place. So the headline would be "Oh yeah I love live music, I've been to 2 shows. One was amazing, one sucked." A good headline is going to A) make me have to ask you a follow up question if I want to know what you meant and B) probably make me laugh because you were vague but you gave me a little tease about what you might say next.
The trick is, this pretty much always works when you're talking about things you actually know. You won't have to rehearse anything. Find a good balance between being engaged in the conversation but not so much to the point of just waiting for her to spit out her last word so you can use your next line. Hear what she's saying. Don't just let her words be the fillers while your brain is computing how many seconds until you have to speak again. Hear her and nod along if you're relating to what she's saying. Or look surprised if she says something you didn't expect. Think about what kind of facial expression you would make if I've said "Yeah I'm going to see a group called Diaper Babies". You'd probably look confused and kind of amused. Let your face show that, don't just keep the same plain or serious expression during those kinds of things. I know I said something weird and so do you, it's expected that we're going to share that with our facial expressions. We really love when the conversation feels like maybe how we would talk to a buddy in the beginning because it's less intimidating. Usually if we feel like prey to a man who spotted us and is attempting to "make his move" it can feel uncomfortable, pressured, not organic. If you talk to us like you really are just making conversation rather than with the intention that you're just going to small talk and then ask us on a date, it will feel more relaxed for both of us. If we know that the conversation doesn't depend on whether or not we say yes, we're more likely to open up more and speak freely. Otherwise we may have our guard up a bit.
3. A date won't usually happen if you just saw a pretty girl and decided to ask her on a date. Why? Because we know that if all you know about us is that we're pretty, you may only be in it for that and you don't actually care if we have a good personality. Like Dr K said, we feel dehumanized. A date can always come later. I have a feeling that you really grow on people the more they're around you.
4. (The MOST important!!) Smile and laugh! It's nerve-wracking talking to a guy who's so focused on making a good impression that he forgets to let loose and laugh at the things that are funny to him. Think about that when you have some time. What kind of things make you smile? The less intense your facial expressions are, the better. I saw your genuine smile at the end of the video. It was the first time you really smiled all the way. You have a great smile. That is the kind of thing that women warm up to. But not a fake one, it has to really be real. Even if she's the one making you smile, that's fine! Just let it out! But, bonus points if you can be free enough to laugh together. If you're not used to laughing, that's okay just take some time to figure out what it is that can bring that out of you. The more you do it, the more natural it feels. Go through some Netflix comedies, find a genre that makes you bust up laughing. But don't try and hide your smile when you do. Don't keep your mouth closed. Just let it do whatever it does. If you feel yourself smiling and it's your natural instinct to close your mouth then keep practicing letting your teeth show when you smile until it feels natural. Then practice that around your family then your friends until you're out in the world like 😆😆😆. People that smile with their teeth and laugh with their gut are 100% straight up proven to attract more humans to them. Women included.
I hope you see this Alex. Good luck out there 👑
Due to the nature of my job, I've developed a skill that I wish I had when I was in my youth. The ability to talk to strangers about nothing in particular, doesn't matter if it's a girl you think is pretty or some scraggly old man. You'll eventually come to enjoy it and because of that you'll show it through a smiling. A true smile can sway hearts and minds.
I have a high school friend into this nonsense, he strikes out left and right. What you say is true, y'all see it from a mile away and it was over before it began. I also have a buddy who calls women "bitches," irritates me to no end, at our age you should know and do better. Maybe I'm bias...got a mom, two sisters, two nieces, wife and a daughter...
WOW! Genuinely good advice on woman, coming from a woman no less.
Today must be the opposite day.
My bitterness aside, it really is a very good advice. Thank you.
I always say:
As rude as it sounds, guys should really just treat women as men that they kinda wanna fuck.
It’s vulgar and I understand as much, but really, that’s what it is.
Women are people. Normal ass people who you should recognise as such.
Which means you can pretty much just treat them as everyone else (men), except there’s a minute possibility that things will get frisky if you get along really well.
Like, sure, women are more sensitive than men (objectively) so it’s safe to stay clear of heavily political and/or sexual topics.
But other than that, it REALLY isn’t any different from men.
You just gotta remind yourself that, at the other end of the spectrum, there’s a person who is living just like you.
And I’m writing all of this shit because that’s what I need to remind myself of quite often lmao.
the fact that he tackles his problems in such a straight forward manner and with no shame is very admirable. He seemed a bit stiff in this conversation, i wonder if he learned to repress his emotions at some point, either way he appears to be a great guy with good intentions.
he did learn to suppress yes
I have a feeling he has Aspergers and it’s just not expressed in a visible manner
It's not that he was able to suppress his emotions, rather, he never learned how to fully express his emotions healthily.
@@horusjones5213 I'm on the spectrum and he appears to be almost textbook....though Drs no longer use that term.. they say high functioning ASD idk why
Maybe cause it sounds like the word ass
Watching this two years later, the thing that strikes me is Alex could've posted his initial problem in any internet forum and been roasted and laughed out the room for spending 8k in PUA, Maybe insulted and belittled for a practice and community generally disliked. But here, he finds the help he actually needs, here we see a therapist perform at their peak - unravelling the issue to something much deeper down. Watched it all, couldn't stop - became too invested after 10mins. Really hope Alex is doing well now.
I cant believe these pickup artists want you to ask out 1000 GIRLS. Thats fucking insane!! If you practice something the wrong way, your never gonna learn how to succeed. I never had luck with women in my teens and early 20s. But I improved myself, just like how Dr. K is telling Alex. I went to the gym, started focusing on getting stronger (not just looks), started asking friends to hang out more often, went to events by myself. Now I joke with my girlfriend that she wouldn't date the me from 5 years ago. Don't give up guys, it just takes a bit longer for some of us to get there.
it's just a first step to learn to be ok with being rejected. Let's say you approaced 500 girls and 90% of them rejected you. You just start getting used to being rejected and next time you approach a girl you're so used to it that you stop caring if she rejects you or not and instead you start to focus on approaching her in creative ways and experiment and learn. It's about creating a safe environment for you to experiment and learn, but you can't create that environment if you care so much about the outcome
Well by law of statistics you should get one at least
That’s what I’m working on now, I’m not really looking for a relationship anymore because I’ve realized that my relationship with myself and my own self-image isn’t actually healthy, be that mentally and physically. I know what qualities I can offer a partner, but as cliche as it sounds, I first need to accept and love myself, and that’s gonna take hard work and time.
In many ways, knowing this is liberating. Gotta nurture that relationship with oneself first and foremost.
@@sergei9912 I don't think putting already vulnerable people through hundreds of rejections will be helpful for them. If they're not in a place where they can look inside and truly see what went wrong or why it didn't work out, then it's a self-fulfilling punch in the gut. If they don't care about the outcome, then they won't care about the good results either and still feel unsatisfied if they end up in a relationship. Because they were conditioned to not be emotionally open to themselves or the partner during any part of the process.
Girls don't fall in your lap out of nowhere or out of a friend/club/group/lifestyle with no effort even if you have your shit together
I also hated myself as a freshman (in college). Stay strong, you're worth it.
Especially when you (meaning I) start college at 25 and everyone is 6 or 7 years younger because you had to work for lack of financial support during and after high school. But what is 5 years of mocking for laziness when you don't have to do hard physical labor after... EZ Clap
Yeah man I had the same thing happen with me. When you are surrounded by tons of beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and socially/academically educated people, it is hard not to hate yourself. But a little "self hate" isn't terrible. It can get you to try new things or inspire you to work on your flaws. For those Freshman now, it gets significantly better. Being around people who want improvement and are good at what they do automatically sets a new higher bar for yourself. Especially for those in their mid 20s going to school. I'm 25 and just starting my second year. It gets way better.
As a self hating freshman this hits close to the heart. Thank you. Much needed
honestly everyone knows about 'awkward teenage years' but tbh college young adult is rough too. the transition period out of systematic schooling and being on your own. this is really normal and hope others don't feel like they need to have it all together at this age, it's so very young still.
I feel like that's a common sentiment lol
He's acting almost like a war veteran with shellshock, like he's gone through some seriously damaging trauma that left him with ptsd. He's so tense and twitchy, like he is about to have a mental breakdown or snap if he hears a loud noise.
Besides that I see a decent looking young man that is trying his best to fit in. I really feel for him. 🙏
Isolation can lead to severe trauma.
well being rejected 300 times at age 20 sounds pretty bad, not like vietnam but almost
Flying Monet isolation is torture I guess. What can we do about this?
@@enmemoriamedia4957 I'd say it was how he was treated earlier that did it. Scars like that, left unhealed, can fuck a person over hard for life.
Loneliness will fuck you up. The low self-esteem you get is… hard to explain. Even harder to get away from. Like, it’s not impossible but it takes a lot of work.
A lot of these PUA type "coaches" can end up spreading a lot of really bad information to young kids who are just starting to explore their sexuality. I fell into that group for a few years and I got out of it, and I'm really glad that I did. Not everything they teach or say is wrong or even bad, but a lot of times for people who are sexually inexperienced or awkward, the only thing that will really help is experience in the real world. Cramming all of these thoughts and "strategies" about dating into the head of some teenager who already "doesn't quite get it" often makes their awkwardness much worse because of the strange ways they're taught to interact and "get over their feelings".
Someone who is not really learning anything of value/something he can actually use is going to be someone who keeps coming back. Feeling like you're learning, but frustrated from not actually making anything happen where it counts. Don't know though, so not going to say too much, haven't really looked into it too much.
there are a lot of scammers out there in the dating coach industry, but any of the good ones will tell you that just going out and talking to women is the first and sometimes the only step you need to take. but the issue is that a lot of these guys are so inexperienced that they have no idea what's good or bad advice.
@@elpresadorjr.6620 I linked two studies from two different parts of the world that cover multiple countries and cultures.
Experience does mean more than one random study and so if you actually had any personal experience with meeting, dating, sleeping with and having relationships with women, you would wholeheartedly agree with the results of the studies that I linked.
But instead you choose to be a victim of your circumstances and kneel down to social conditioning while asserting that you know how a woman thinks - "women are never going to admit that they do this". Sounds like a bitter, little, unloved, self-hating, insecure goblin to me.
@@elpresadorjr.6620 How many studies would be "enough"? No amount, I'm guessing, when it doesn't fit your narrative. Funny how you can't actually respond logically to anything I've said. Instead, you want a red carpet into an internet stranger's life. This is THE BEST kind of deflection there is, well done.
@@elpresadorjr.6620 I deleted the ad-hom sentence because I didn't want the conversation to become about whether ad-homs are fine or not. I think they're fine in this context. But we can have a deflective discussion about that too, if you really wanted it. Actually, no. I recognize that studies can be biased which is why I said experience + scientific backing is more solid but you ignored that because you felt attacked or whatever. You can link all the studies you want, I'll be happy to rebut those and have an open discussion. My picture on my YT account is me, lol. The fact that you think I'm mad, shows you have little intellectual conversations in your life, if ever.
Still waiting for a single, logical rebuttal from you that's backed by experience or science, btw.
Good to know that it takes you an hour after looking at a comment to come up with some semblance of a coherent response.
I wanted to cry when he said he cringes at himself in the mirror. Horrible!
I'd, like, cringe, like, at him, like, to be, like, honest.
@@mandokir nice one
And when he said people used to call him a retard
Yea i struggled with similar feelings for a long time, just stems from a huge lack of confidence and a deep care for what others think. As long as he recognizes this like i did it eventually gets better, give him a couple years im sure he will be okay 👌 he just seems misguided is all
@@mandokir I'm cringing at this comment.
Is it me or did this go from zero to HOLY SHIT real quick. This guy was so honest and man did a lot of what he said and felt hit.
Bro, you're my hero. Same story and I'm just now at 38, 3 years clean from heroin. Thank you for having the balls to talk about your past. Thank you ALSO Dr K for phenomenal sessions. Have a blessed day.
Wow well done man for the staying clean. That's a huge achievement, so inspiring. Good job! Stay strong. 🙌🙌🙌💐🌞💐✨
Spoiler alert dammit. The juice was squeezed
I want so badly for this guy to find love and overall do well in life. He has his own challenges as we all do in some way but he has persistence and is intelligent. I think he could do well in adapting/overcoming those challenges. He seems like a likable person despite his social skills. I think he may be on the spectrum but that doesn't make him less than anyone, he just has a different set of challenges than perhaps most other people. Man, I wish him the best in his journey.
RandomName Yeah, I don’t think this guy is on the spectrum. He could be, and nothing wrong with that, but what I see is someone who was bullied for not fitting in with his peers, grew up suppressing their emotions, and didn’t fully develop their social skills as a result of poor self-esteem and being ostracized.
Yeah, I work with people on spectrum and it doesn't seem like he is on it although you made a very interesting point and I especially agree with facing challenges catered to you because whether you're on spectrum or missing a kidney, really figuring out where you need to invest energy into in terms of improving as a human can build a stronger foundation as you go through life.
@@jaetrnn6000 Absolutely! Success looks different for everyone, all you can do is work with what you have.
If he likes animals, I think a loyal, loving dog could help him open up, and eventually help plug him into a dog-friendly community where he could meet people.
Finding love is not that much of a realistic expectation.
Underrated channel. Young men in this country are in need of help, and they are being left behind.
100%
It literally has 1.4M subscribers
@@koenv.i.9188still underrated
Underrated in the sense that it deserves 4mil!!!
This is literally making me tear up, the amount of empathy dr K expresses is awe inspiring.
what about his parents?? why no questions on how the parents helped him or not
@@AA13494 He said in the beginning that he wasn’t open to talking to Dr. K about his family. Dr. k said okay.
thats the most crucial information.
that is the pressing issue that needs to be addressed. why are his parents not paying attention.
why wud any parent let his kid spend 8000$.
All other talk is just fluff.
its so easy to fool u white ppl.
@@suzanneemerson2625
43:47 Sitting with them despite of being bullied is trying in the face of hopelessness.
I don't know why that moment felt so heavy, it makes it feel like it doesn't matter if its hopeless as long as we try. Like..There's actually hope in just trying
What if you are in a situation where you think you have friends even though they rib you constantly.
It's a lie when someone else says "We're all friends here." Because people just act like assholes with impunity and they would rather maintain this social hierarchy. Sometimes people like Alex maybe feel so beat down that they'd rather be with people who treat them badly than being alone. That is Abuse, not friendship.
Alex keeps trying but he'll come to a moment when he realizes they are NOT his friends...he'll be in a situation where he needs a friend and they'll be nowhere to be found. And I hope that he would come out of that stronger, but I would spare him that, because it can be a heartbreaking situation.
This stream is one of the most profound things I’ve ever witnessed. I actually didn’t believe I’d need anything from this because I’m a fairly confident and socially aware person, but the little nuggets of wisdom are incredible.
Had a pick up artist ad before this lol
My view of "oneitis" is unrequited love or obsession. When you have feelings for someone that doesn't feel the same, and it's causing you emotional pain and you can't move on and find someone else.
Nice try, I think it's more of a harmful idea promoted by the pickup artists/incel community. Meaning it's a monogamous relationship, these pick-up artist promote to treat women like objects and collect them by sleeping to many rather than having a real meaningful relationship.
@@reynal_omnicide9217 no Zachary has the correct definition.
@@davidfosford if you say so
@@reynal_omnicide9217 allot of guys AND girls develop an unhealthy infatuation with another person up to the point where they can't function normally.
Nothing wrong with healthy monogamy, but if you're in a relationship and your partner is your whole world, where you are obsessive and controlling and can't be by yourself without them that is a sign of codependency issues that need to be addressed. So the term for that is developing oneitis.
@@reynal_omnicide9217 yeah, David is right on this one bro. Ive known the word "oneitis" for years now. The original comment defines it perfectly.
I was so close to going down the hole this guy went down. Nearly bought myself a $2700 course just before going to university. Now one year later I can understand that its effectively programming. Reality don't need to have all "techniques" to get with girls. Comes down to being comfortable with yourself even if its uncomfortable. Its okay to be nervous, as long as its some how communicated.
Alot of it is preying on insecurity. I use to hate the term nice guy but now its all i try to be. Being nice shouldn't be belittled. Be nice to be nice and not for something tho.
Anyway good luck peeps
Id like to also mention. A girl can be a 10 in looks but have a terrible personality. Go and have conversations with people, no pressure. Girls are people too haha
@@sausageanimations4301 My suggestion is to work on yourself so that girls aren't a concern. Then when you do go out whether that be with friends or on your own. Go out to have fun and strike up conversations
Preach brother. I know all this PUA stuff but honestly decided to not use it. People are a lot more complicated than that. Most 10s or 9s that I met had a LOT of huge problems that you can't see on the surface. A lot of them suffer from depression, insecurity and overral toxic behavior demaning validation and attention all the time and lacking self acceptance and self resposability. My advice nowadays is to always connect with people way beyond the regular PUA stuff, so you can avoid a lot of problems going only by looks.
@@Nortindevtech well said! Lifes to short to be concerned with girls all the time. Have fun and it'll be effortless to talk to girls when one comes around
@@sausageanimations4301 Sounds frustrating, obviously don't know the details and i'm certainly not qualified to exactly help you. Have you thought about speaking to someone close to you?
Again i don't know your situation but do you have career options?
"Attachment leading to suffering isn't new" Lmao I almost choked.
yeah such a lmao moment
Sad thing is a lot of these PUA groups relabel things in such a way that making the connections is harder. They intentionally relabel things to cause any research to reach dead ends. So younger guys really believe they're being sold something new that will help them. Typical snake oil shit all over again.
I like Alex. He seems like a genuinely intelligent and thoughtful guy, and it's really a shame that so many people were able to take advantage of him in his vulnerability. I hope he find's a girl who's gonna see him for the admirable and determined guy he is.
Or Even some real FRIENDS who are in his corner!
I ran a 5K and saw an overweight, awkward young man running/walking it and he was surrounded by other young guys who were encouraging him. He finished it! It was a Faith in Humanity restored moment.
He has sus genetics. He is fucked.
This is probably one of the more wholesome Dr. K sessions I've watched. This guy is a very humble dude, who's still growing and learning. I really wish the best for him going forward, not only in dating, but anything he puts effort into. Stay positive and healthy, bro!
Dr K nails the problem. Props to this guy as well for putting himself out there and working on himself, much respect. I hope he will learn to love himself first and foremost and keeps working on himself, the right woman will come.
I've known people similar to this, and their problems get better once they get some female friends who they eventually start seeing as people and not as investment projects or eventual girlfriends. There is a lot more to it though, this is a super interesting watch. Really hope this dude keeps going in this direction ie away from the redpill stuff.
@Unironik I think you should take the time to reflect on why you feel that and why would want to date any women who you find interesting instead of forming a friendship
seeing women as people is really the key to healthy relationships and developing as a person
@Unironik Can I suggest something dude? Read "Models" by Mark Manson.
I feel like the other guy wants to change your mind on female friends even though that's a perfectly valid outlook to have. Just read the book. It'll explain more than enough and also very likely help you in other areas as well.
The redpill is great. It's when it becomes an unhealthy obsession that it can be problematic. But learning about female nature is a requirement in the 21st century for men.
@Unironik It sounds to me like you just haven't developed many interests where you have enough in common with women who share those interests to be friends. And you also say the same thing about men, so that makes sense.
I'd say the important thing is probably both learning to connect and also finding reasons to connect.
And if you're interested I'll share my dating strategy and also the biggest failure of redpill/PUA. Redpill folks like to talk about sexual marketplaces, but what they don't realize is that so many women have been burned by PUA/redpill men that, while those strategies/philosophies can work, the number of people they work on is pretty small. Also they aren't designed for fulfilling relationships, just being in control and getting sex. Most human beings desire genuine connection, not controlling people or fucking them as a status symbol, which are the basic goals of PUA/redpill.
My dating strategy is also what I think is the key to genuine connection, honesty and vulnerability with people who reciprocate it. And having conversations with lots of people with no expectations. I'm a pretty weird person myself, so if I'm not communicating clearly and honestly people often get the wrong impression about my thoughts or intentions. But being honest and vulnerable doesn't just get me dates and sex (it does), it also gets me interesting conversations, opportunities to challenge myself and to share what I'm learning about myself and life, and most of all, lots of people of different genders that I relate to and have real connections and friendships with.
And honesty doesn't mean negativity. Try to be open with yourself without judgment and also don't judge others for what they share either. Instead of judging, try understanding. Treat everyone with compassion, and no one as better or worse than you are. And I'm starting to realize my philosophy is way too long for a CZcams comment, oh well.
The more you listen to and understand people, the more you can relate to people. The more you can relate to people, the more people you can talk to and get along with. The more people you talk to and get along with, the more likely you are to find people you enjoy and want to build friendships and relationships with.
I am now ultimately sad or jealous Dr. K didn't break this down for me in my younger PUA years. This is exactly what I needed.
Well you’re a chad now anyway
@@levmade LoL ;-)
Just became PSL god Bro. 🤣😎
Yes…and no. I want to say yes because I spent roughly $4000 over the course of 4 years with RSD (not sure if that was the company he invested in too) and I found very little improvement after all was said and done. Over the course of four years and ~$4000, I managed to have sex with one girl who I then dated for a couple months until she got bored of me and left. Basically just a summer of having sex with her but not truly bonding because I was still “in the game.”
Kept going with RSD and met another girl maybe 6 months after the last girl broke up with me, I met another girl who agreed to meet up with me and just used her for sex a couple times and then ghosted her because I didn’t think she was attractive enough to “show off.” Eventually met another girl some months later who didn’t actually have sex with me on the first night, thought I “failed” and decided I would just ghost her. She basically hunted me down to see me again…so then I knew I didn’t screw it all up like the PUAs would say I did. That turned into a two year long relationship. I say two years but really the relationship was cracking within the first 6 months and we just kept sticking together for another year and a half…
Not even 6 months later, I gave up on PUA crap and decided I was done with playing a character. Met the woman who would very soon after became my wife, and we are still going strong 5 years later and just had our second child this week!
So did RSD help me? Idk, maybe a little. But it certainly wasn’t worth $4000.
@@stevenl1706 I went from the Neil Strauss PÚA community, RSD, TRP in 2017-2018, and eventually gave up in 2019. It’s a mess because it doesn’t really do anything other give you tools to manipulate people.
One of Alex's former classmates commented that he had a speech impediment.
A classmate who stutters is a bully's dream come true.
'Like'' is a common filler word.
People very commonly say "retarded" when being cruel to people who stutter.
My own experience was remarkably similar. It went from active bullying to kind ostracization. My 'friend group' told me they were "letting" me room with them on the DC field trip. When you get older, nobody wants to tell you that you're a drag to converse with because they know you can't control it, but that doesn't help you when you have no idea why nobody wants to talk to you. It's worse in high school because nobody wants to be seen with the weird kid, but it doesn't go away afterward.
There's a lot at play from my end. Ridicule and isolation beget no confidence. Stuttering increases when confidence decreases. Fewer people want to talk to you when you stutter all the time. (Not everyone, but enough.) Confidence decreases when you don't practice socializing as much. The stuttering itself limits practice opportunities. It feels like being a crab in a bucket sometimes.
Something about this conversation was absolutely heart wrenching and pulled on all of my empathy strings. I keep pausing the interview to take a breather. These interviews are making me better as a human being and I feel so appreciative of everyone who is willing to come on, share their story, and allow us to witness true humanity and healing.
This guy is heavily on the spectrum and will likely never succeed in dating. How you managed to glean anything positive from this interaction eludes me. This is nothing short of a tragedy.
Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone like him can change and be "successful" with women
Straight up balls of steel this dude. Thank you Alex for coming on and sharing your story! Valuable stuff, we all struggle.
Not of you are a king
I hope he comes back to this video two years later and sees a familiar stranger. As a robot that learned to be human, I can say it’s possible to be different than you are and actually enjoy human interaction for the sake of interaction. No goals. It just takes years of looking inward and making small changes.
please bring Paul back (dude who was labeled an incel but isnt rlly an incel)
That interview was what got me interested in this channel. I am really curious if anything has changed since then. I relate a lot with Paul even though I am only 20
@@gregt194 as frustrating as it is to watch paul continuously try to shut dr. k down in those interviews, u can't help but root for him!! dr.k should turn paul's segments into a series
also idk if its just me, but streams with ordinary ppl are much more interesting than streams with huge internet celebrities ??
bubbletea14 yeah, the common people usually have more relatable things to talk about
yesss
Listening to this saved my from doing something really stupid, thanks for helping me to keep my head above water dr.k
That's awesome man. Keep up the fight. You're worth it.
He's not "cringy". He's just shy and kinda awkward but that's tolerable. I'd befriend this guy & eat lunch with him in school. He seems chill.
He’s almost surely autistic.
That would explain everything and much more.
"I meditate for an hour everyday"
"Wow! Look at this Chad Thundercock right here" hahahahaha
odaZoggy
I thought u we’re making this up until I legit heard it come out of Dr. K’s mouth 😭😭
hey alex, i support you and i hope youre able to get through these tough times
Just discovered your content a few days ago! I love what you guys are doing here. The moment he agrees to talk with you about his past, his posture changed, he no longer was getting nervous, his speech pattern completely shifted, and his facial expressions tripled. That is incredible. Dr. K, please keep helping the community. And Alex, I don't know if you will ever read this. But man, you are the bravest soul I have ever seen and I wish you the best man. Keep being you!
I could be wrong, but I feel like I see my younger self in this guy, he's been so hurt in the past by something that he's almost completely walled himself, and especially his emotions off from the world to the point where he just shuts down. It's horrible to see people take advantage of someone like this.
Nicest dude ever. I would really want to be friends with a genuine person like him
Im 30, and still have insecurities about how I come across to women - having not kissed a girl until i was 26. I still respect his ability to have spoken to 300 women, that's about 295 more than i've ever approached - but its somewhat relieving it hasn't helped him. I managed to get some more attention in my later 20's but thought i needed more until im confident.
I'm jealous af of Alex's dope room. I wish I had that much space and natural light.
yeah it seems like he has a pretty good life outside of social i feel bad for him though a lot of the time if you dont socialize early in your life its hard to get used to talking to people
This is such an important interview and I can't respect and love the both of you enough. I literally just started crying typing this comment. You are a star and our generation needs the knowledge you bring more than you know. Thank you doctor.
this is the best youtube channel of al time. showing some GOOD ASS CBT. really digging deep but with respect, politely, empathetically, compassionate. getting the patient to think and speak by having an open dialogue. I love my therapist very much but i’ve realized in recent years that The psychology field has really moved a lot and she still operating under things that worked 10 years ago. I may have to break up with her and find something more like this. I think it would be more helpful. Also the mutual respect here makes my heart jump for joy. the openness and honestly from alex is just *chefs kiss*. I fucking love this therapy
It takes a lot of balls not only to admit this, but to admit this for everyone on the internet to see. Alex, I know you're not the only guy out there who is feeling like this, and I'm so happy that you did this with Dr.K.
Dr.K if you happen to read this I'd like to let you know that you and a friend both inspired me to look at some of the problems that stemmed from my psychologically abusive mother and other life circumstances and understand them. Doing this has allowed me to put an effort towards improving starting first with the problems that hurt me or other people. This video was not the one that did it for me but it was the most recent so I figured I'd comment it here. The Michael Reaves video helped me because I am like Michael in a sense I'm of above average intelligence and once I understood what my problems were scientifically within the brain and emotionally to me I was able to come to touch with them more. Before I had pushed down emotion because it hurt but now that I was older and had been given a process by which to look back through them it helped to change me for the better and I wish you the best and will actively support your content as much as I can. This just felt really good to put out there and I hope it brings you a smile Dr.K
Dr. K. I watched your video with Steph yesterday and then am half way through this one today and I just want to tell you how humble and thoughtful and integral I think this work is. thank you for what you are doing.
So much respect to to him for sharing this on a public platform. Takes a lot of courage to do that.
Great upload. This is brilliant.
Alex and Dr K- Thank you for bravely sharing this conversation with the public. Open dialog with honesty and sympathy is exactly what we need as a society.
Thank you, Dr K, for demoing a path to understanding.
Both of you, thanks for your meditation practices and love of truth.
This is my first day watching Healthy Gamer series. I found this channel from your Kitboga interview session. Which was... interesting.
Amazing session! The sessions with "random" people rather than popular streamers are usually way better
Dr. K, I'm very moved by the way you work and the empathy you express. Thank you for taking the time to help Alex and for showing us how compassion can go a long way. Alex, I wish you everything good in this world man, seriously.
Hugs from Mexico to you both.
Props to this man. He put himself out there and got help, while also helping the countless chatters who relate to him. Wish the best for him. Dr. K did an amazing job too.
Damn. This guy has balls to get up on stream and talk so openly about stuff like this.
He is cute tho 🥺❤️ respectable that he’s asking for help
Everyone like this comment so he can see it hopefully
Yeah he’s truly not a bad looking guy
@@sausageanimations4301 relax man they can do that if they want to, saying he's cute doesn't mean they should give him anything
I know confidence doesn't come from the outside and all that, but around the 1h30 mark he starts smiling more and I genuinely felt a little bit of attraction just from that. Very cute smile.
@Horizon_Killa you really started something my friend haha
I hope he realize that you dont fit in it not you its the group. You find your group. With same interest and inspirations. Never become someone else just to fit it
Came here to look for that comment. High schoolers are shitty with eachother because all of them are pretending to be something they are not. With a bit of chance when you grow up you start knowing yourself and look for your own crowd. You meet people through your studies or hobby's or internet or whatever. Hopefully he will find his crowd. For me high school was basically hell, I never thought I would get to meet like-minded people but it did eventually happen. I'm sad this guy let a bunch of stupid highschoolers define who he is. I hope he lets go of the bullying he went through.
I think Alex is a gem. Hope he's doing well.
Just the way that Dr K speaks to some people, when they are clearly uncomfortable with a subject, is quite moving and beautiful. 20:50 Among so many other things, it's just a very good lesson in empathy, how to respect boundaries and help someone feel comfortable.
the sad part, even if your don't feel shy or awkward or cringy. it's still hard asf to get women, but maybe it's just me. I wish all the best to this brother
u can get all the teraphy you want or can but there is always a huge wall outside called reality that it doesnt really fit with all those concept you get throught teraphy, for example being confident is hugely hindered if you are ugly or doesnt have money and stuff like that
The thing is you can be super confident and think that you’re not cringy or anything but that may not be the way you come off to other people. Not saying that is case, just trying to point out that our self-evaluations don’t always match the way we are perceived by others.
@@Lou-C sometimes its your face thats cringey
man I feel like I learned a LOT from this
thank you for doing this interview and putting yourself out there Alex, hope you're well bro
Besides working on any internal/self-esteem issues, I think it would be more productive for Alex to put pickup on hold and focus on improving his ability to express himself, including but not limited to working with a speech pathologist.
There is loads of thing the guy know he has to work on
Probably speech thing idk
But one big positive i realise he has
Is all the time and effort he spent on PUA
Is gonna be usefull for him when he gets to be in the mindset of moving forward and building yourself block by block
But once he is at the stage he is proud of himself and is still looking for whats next to do
He will find that when talking to someone and he is trying to get the one he likes to be into him and is having great chemistry
Subconsciously he is using a lot of the techniques mentioned by the PUA
Minus the phoniness and empty front he had to put before
You are right, im strongly behind the fact that gameing as escape affected his ability to speak, lack of reading, writing, TALKING etc. That is a very good point, solvable problem if someone is reading this after all this years, start reading something minor and learn to speak build up vocabulary as much as you can.
,,Only man who knows over 1000 words can write a latters,,
Not put it on hold, put it in a bin. Pick up has never worked for anyone.
When Dr. K said, "one would be for twitch and one would be for you" and when he chose himself I was so happy for him. Dr. K. you are really good at what you do. You are special. Please continue to help these young men see their true potential.
It's so interesting hearing Alex open up about his past even though he was very reluctant. When he finally does open up about the bullying he has a lot to say. I imagine it's like a part of him wanted to get it off his chest for a long time and have his struggles and pain acknowledged while the other part of him prevented him from opening up perhaps fearing that no one would care about or minimize the seriousness of his trauma. If that's true, that's very relatable and human, and he's not alone.
I was exactly like him when I was 19-20 years old. Too bad I didn't have the chance to talk with someone like dr. K, - at the age of 20 I developped pre-psychosis with severe somatizations.
I'm 24 now and barely managing to get myself out of it, and I think being listened by someone like him when i was younger could have prevent me from falling so deep.
I know that it was a year, but I genuinely want to know how are doing. Don't give up hope.
@@yakishbakich Hello, thank you for asking that ; I am slowly getting out of it, it is very difficult but I think the hardest part is behind me. I still have very painful somatizations but things are better ; I received help from a psychoanalysist and it has been very useful for me
@@Hulgore I'm glad to hear that!
I'm so proud to see Alex working so hard on improving himself. I would love to see a 2nd interview with Alex and any updates he might have on his situation.
This was *like* really interesting to watch. Would like to see more of this guy again.
Im glad someone else picked up on this. People, please check how many times you say "like" in a sentence, and try to reduce it as much as you can. It is SUPER annoying.
@@thisandthat3889 what is like the point in like changing to like appease what like society thinks of me. Like.
@Shotgun47 he watched it live
ThisandThat time to learn how to be less annoyed bub
I actually really liked this guy and just wanted to make a joke of him saying like a lot. Seems to be a speech confidence issue or something? Not sure why people do it. I sometimes get in to periods of repeating like, but not that often.
I'm late to this one, but Dr. K, I love how forward and real you were during this. I mean you always are, but it really hit me here with how well you leveled with this young man and communicated and discussed this.
You’re brave man thanks for sharing your story. Don’t let anyone doubt you, it takes balls to open up like this
Very brave man, to come out here and talk so openly. I'm sure it's helped a lot of people.
Thank you so much Dr K and Alex for this video. Im in the same boat and it took me years to realize its not "my game" that ruined the endless chances I had with women, but my self-hatred. I realized this a few months ago, now Im trying to find out how to remove that cringe feeling
Holy hell did this speak to me and my life, thank you for going through this Alex 🙏🏻
Cudos to Alex for being this brave and honest about his life up until now. Hearing him talk about being bullied gave me second hand anxiety and throwbacks to my own school years. I certainly couldn't talk about it on a stream. You're a brave guy.
Also some real good questions were asked here. Hopefully this can help him for the future!
“Maybe you’ve heard of him, his name is BoOduH”
wooodah
Timestamp?
@@tarkus9820 1:08:56
stop. LMAO
I love it when he comes up with these Indian/Hindu worlds :D
I really feel for Alex. He has a lot of guts talking about his challenges live on stream, I hope this talk helps a lot of people. I think I really gained from listening.
Thanks Alex for being vulnerable and sharing as an older brother i like having these povs so i can help my younger brothers and other family 💙
Thank you Alex! This was amazing and helped me a lot. I relate with a lot of this and the PUA stuff too. Love the confidence and trust me... you are going to find the holy grail you are after with this bravery!
backstory:
I too "didn't know" how to meet girls in high school but after doing a lot of trauma work. I realized that I had a lot of issues and beliefs surrounding that area of my life. In fact, there were several girls in High school that made it completely clear that they were into me but I didn't feel good enough to "date" them. I was 300lbs, no car, poor family, and really alienated from society, etc.
Anybody else get an "autistic vibe" from Alex?
@@Dimitris_Half he might actually have Asperger's or something
100%. He needs to talk about this and just be open about it.
Mad respect for opening up like this. Way to go, man.
Great video, lots of stuff I can take away and apply for myself. Keep up the good work doc!
You’re the best Dr. K, keep up the amazing work.
The best thing about Dr. K for me is he takes all of the emotional stuff that I get confused about and make it logical enough to understand.
Only Dr. K. could have linked Buddha and the Red Pill community
Ironically he is right, seeing that swallowing the red pill is suppose to be a metaphor for seeing reality as it is (becoming awoken e.g, a Buddha) over remaining in maya (blue pill i.e. illusion). Although I'm certainly not saying the codified manosphere's philosophy of red pill is the *actual* real metaphysical red pill, I think the real one is much closer to what Siddartha taught.
Pretty much every group who thinks they’ve “cracked the code” call themselves the “red pill”.
Just human ego blended with a pop culture reference
Great ep doc
I fell in love with this guy just listening to him. I wish him the best!
I am only commenting so more people see this. This is really powerful and important stuff.
Alex is going to be a powerful person one day. Actually he was at the time of the session. Its hard to face yourself and constantly feel inadequate.
Bless this soul right here, props to him coming on stream
I feel like this sort of material is really useful, because a lot of young people (me included) really struggle with socializing, especially since technology is becoming more widespread.
Thats a lame excuse son. Approach 1000 girls and one will want to sleep with you.
Dr. 8K
Dr 85 k
the balls on this guy to be so honest and straightfoward, RESPECT!
This one had me crying
Big props to this guy for having the balls to come on and talk about this. However, I think he should take a step back and just work on general social skills before trying to go for woman, just practice talking to people in general. I get anxious just listening to him talk and I know girls feel this
Agreed! I was way worse when I was a teenager, only thing I needed was to become aware of what I was doing wrong. Gotta learn how to walk before you can run
That's an oversimplification. The issue here is that he's not gregarious or altruistic enough. He has a fear of being jilted by the women he interacts with, and thus feel uncomfortable and scared. Women and people in general don't want to associate with people who operate on a lower energy level because they don't want to be brought down. When I say lower energy level I mean people who are overly angry, nervous, or sad due to a deeply ingrained inferiority complex. In order for him to escape this inferiority complex prison he needs to form social connections. But no one wants to give it to him because they'll put their interest ahead of his. They want to be happy and confident, and not be brought down to his lower vibrational frequency.
@@ghevisartor6005 they do , dont bs xd
@@ghevisartor6005 VERY good point! Don't wanna fall into a trap!
Like for an example, I travelled to a girl I'd known for many years, and the 2nd evening there I just asked her "Want to kiss?" while watching a movie - instead of initiating it. Didn't want to make move without knowing she thought the same. She was down, and said she'd given plenty signals, but I hadn't catched any. But later told me that's not at all how she'd expect it to be (not very romantic). Then later while making out she told me I was so tightened up in my body, like opposite of relaxed and that made her less relaxed aswell. I was just too focused on other things to know how my body reacted to the stress/nerves. But after an hour of becoming aware of it, it was all good.
This isn't the very cringy stuff im talking about, but it was the best example to illustrate that just awareness of my bad signals fixed them :D
@@ghevisartor6005 ?? this dudes pretty attractive in the video and he struggles w/ social skills.
The feeling of you being ok being you but seeing how other people react to you in a negative way is so weeeird, it straight up confuses you and makes an enemy out of yourself. This guy have a lot going for himself
He is the definition of a man, keeps trying, and I like that ! Never give up Alex ! Some people in my surroundings dont even point their fingers at themselves, they think these women are the issue, change within first and the outside will change, trust me !
The end of the interview was amazing! thank you Dr k and the guy here.
I've been lurking and reading redpill for almost 2 years so I definitely resonated with Alex and his struggles. Overall great talk and I really appreciate Dr K because thanks to him I've really opened up my mind to woman perspective and got rid of some toxic beliefs theredpill teaches. I believe some of the advice from redpill is pretty solid so it isnt all bad but still youre better of listening to dr k advice
May I know what advice from redpill do you find solid? Ive never looked into it so would not know.
The small amount of toxic beliefs and advices are from ppl who are still in the red pill Rage phase. Its different how guys swallow the red pill the first time because for the most, its not easy to accept the brutal truth of Female biology. The advice from Dr. K is pretty much the same from coaches from the Red pill scene.
theres really great self improvement advice, but the problem is that you have to find it in the middle of a straight on women hating text.
Used to read the red pill a lot 2 years ago. There are many toxic beliefs about women being thrown around there for sure. But, they do tell you to work on yourself - to lift, to meditate, to read, to invest in your future - which is good.
A lot of the attraction strategies do actually work on low self esteem women and will get you laid. Pickup is effective if you put in the time.
But eventually you realize that you're not satisfied with those shallow experiences and that self love, self acceptance and genuine connection with a high self esteem woman with whom you can be vulnerable and yourself is what you really want. You learn to emphasize with women and to understand where they're coming from, instead of blaming their biology.
TheRedPill can be a useful tool, depending on where you're at. If you're stuck in apathy and depression, it can get you moving and doing shit to improve your situation. But you have to outgrow it eventually.
If you can sift through the toxic misogyny of the men in the anger phase, TRP helps you find your confidence and get into relationships you wouldn't normally get into without it
It is amazing to realise that at the core of his red pill upbringing...was a case of oneitis. Because he fell for one girl, he felt bad about himself.
That's usually how it goes tho. A lot of dudes (myself included) get DESTROYED by one-itis that didn't work out then they attempt to go the complete other way while ignoring their shitty mental health that was usually brought on by something else. That's how it was with me anyways.
@@SirJoelsuf1 yes, but hating yourself for loving someone who does not love you back does not seem to be the answer.
@@SirJoelsuf1 wow bro you just explained everything
It brings tears because sometimes we are mean to others over the internet without knowing what others are groing through.
This hit close to home for me ❤️
great session, good job to both of you
Love, this guy has big balls! Hope you are doing better now buddy!
Holy shit man. This shit breaks my heart. I'm so sorry for all the people struggling like this.
Alex man, you are so courageous sharing your story here! You are awesome and seem like such a great kind gentle guy. Hope you find some genuine supportive friends to hang out with soon & a very nice girlfriend. You deserve it.
Great vid Dr. K! I love you, and this guy! I feel so sorry for Alex, and I believe he is an awesome dude!