How narcissistic abuse breaks you
Vložit
- čas přidán 22. 01. 2024
- Narcissistic abuse is an undeniable crisis. Discover Healing, Empowerment, and Authentic Living...
Schedule your 1 on 1 appointment - theroyalwe.kartra.com/page/HWH7
Start The Coaching Program - theroyalwe.kartra.com/page/ynE48
Take this FREE Healing assessment -quiz.tryinteract.com/#/6633d2...
Connect With Me:
Instagram - / jointheroya. .
TikTok - / theroyalweoff. .
Facebook - / theroyalwehost
Donate to help:
Donations - paypal.me/JoinTheRoyalWe?loca...
The Royal We has helped Millions to escape the grip of narcissistic abuse. Here’s a deeper look into what narcissistic abuse looks like and steps to heal from it:
Narcissistic abuse looks like:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often show little to no empathy for others, making it easy for them to manipulate and exploit. Narcissists use various tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, and devaluation to control and dominate their victims.
Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse:
Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their own reality and sanity.
Love Bombing: Showering the victim with excessive attention and affection to gain control.
Devaluation: Undermining the victim’s self-worth through criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Isolation: Cutting the victim off from their support systems to increase dependency on the abuser.
Triangulation: Using others to create jealousy or competition, keeping the victim feeling insecure.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
How to begin healing from narcissistic abuse:
Understand that you have been enduring narcissistic abuse. This awareness is the first step toward healing.
Get Help:
Work with The Royal We to get the tools to understand and process your experiences. Visit - www.jointheroyalwe.com
Establish No Contact or Low Contact:
Limit or completely cut off communication with the narcissistic abuser. This helps you gain emotional distance and begin your healing journey.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:
Engage in activities that boost your confidence and self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who value and respect you.
Educate Yourself:
Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge is empowering and can help you recognize patterns and avoid future toxic relationships.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices can all contribute to your recovery.
Set Boundaries:
Develop and maintain healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Connect with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Join The Royal We Support Group - theroyalwe.kartra.com/page/ynE48
#relationships #abuse #toxicrelationships #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #healthyrelationships #narcissistic #toxicpeople #narcissisticabusesurvivor #relationshipstatus #toxicfree #narcissisticabuserecovery #abusesurvivor #relationships101 #domesticabuse #toxicrelationship #relationshipsgoals #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #toxicfreeliving #abuseawareness #toxicfamily #abuserecovery #toxicfriends #narcissisticmother #relationshipstruggles #psychologicalabuse #relationshipscoach #toxicparents #narcissisticparent #relationshipstuff #toxicpositivity #relationshipskills #mentalabuse #consciousrelationships #verbalabuse #stopabuse #domesticabuseawareness #loveandrelationships #narcissistabuse #narcabuse #healingfromabuse #hashtagabuse #physicalabuse #abusesurvivors #notoxicpeople #religiousabuse #toxicbehavior #narcissisticinjury #relationshipschool #badrelationships #parentalalienationischildabuse #emotionalabuseawareness #relationshipsgoal #narcissisticabuselifecoach #betterrelationships #relationshipsarehard #lifeafterabuse #toxicgirl #npdabuse #narcissisticsupply #hiddenabuse #relationshipsadvice #toxictraits #cheatingisabuse #narcissisticfather #brokenrelationships #relationshipsuccess #healingafternarcissisticabuse #toxicfemininity #abusiverelationships #narcissisticabuserecoverycoach #toxicfriendships #covertnarcissisticabuse #abusers #narcissisticbehavior #toxicattraction #relationshipsupport #childabusesurvivor #narcissticabuse #covertabuse #masculinityisnottoxic #alcoholabuse #gaslightingisabuse #narcissisticfamily #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #childhoodabuse #christianrelationships #narcissisticparents #healingfromnarcissisticabuse #toxicparents #abuser #narcissisticparent #narcissisticandemotionalabuse #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #abuseisnotlove #abuseofpower #narcissisticrelationship #abuseisabuse #emotionalabusesurvivor #financialabuse #toxicworkplace #buildrelationships #realrelationships #spiritualabuse #abusedwomen #endabuse #unhealthyrelationships #narcissisticrecovery #fakerelationships #brokenrelationships #relationshipsuccess - Jak na to + styl
Their goal is to have us dependent on them emotionally
Yes exactly all just so that then they can turn around and shame and humiliate us for not being more self sufficient and for unfairly "taking advantage of them and for being so ungrateful for all that they do and have done for us out of supposedly love and care".
And in other possible way. So they can guarantee their continue supply
Ythe goal is power and control of the person.
And financially
A burning hatred
A healthy mind wants to believe in fairness, justice, goodness and that all people are inherently good. If you believe this it is a pretty nice way to go through life. And a profound shock when you are forced (by a close encounter with a true narcissist) to accept that not everyone is inherently good. Some people are inherently evil and they exist to destroy that which is good. If you were a person who believed in inherent goodness, you have to completely reprogram your mind to adjust to what you have been forced to see - which is that evil is real and it exists. This is a huge shock to the system that some people can eventually come to accept but others just can’t. This shatters their mind past the point of no return. Everything was a lie and for some, it is just too much to process .. 😢
Of course evil exists, and it has been ruling this planet for eons. This is a dark planet. Was. One must live under a rock to think everyone is inherently good.
Yes, it's a huge shock to learn about a narcissist & realize your spouse is one. Especially not understanding all the abuse for 20 years & how he changed after drinking & blaming it on alcohol. It's so hard to get out of that situation after your mind is messed up.. & even harder to stay after you see the truth 💔 wasted my whole life with him!
Try getting "nominated" as a "chosen one" (manipulative nomenclature easily found in echo chambers) (aka targeted individual, subjected to Lord of the Flies indefinite "community" abuses, vandalism, collective, covertly hidden hate crimes and zersetzung, DECADES of it, with ZERO help from the "service" providers YOUR OWN TAX MONEY goes towards paying the salaries of, where they COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY BETRAY YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE "selected" for the caste system FROM HELL.
You beautifully summed up Kevin's teaching. Spot on 100%!
So so true,
The goal of a narcissistic abusive person is to dominate control and to eventually destroy the other person
I just wanted a mom 😢instead I got a covert narcissist.
❤❤
I thought my mom telling me her boobs were better than mine was normal. 😂
And... just everything else.
@@ginadellgrottaglia6897yeah, my mum told me she met this really lovely guy, a true gentleman, around my age (I’m single) and she said “If only I was your age he would be perfect for me”, talking about herself (my parents divorced when I was 8 years old). She continued by saying “It’s a shame your so rough he’s not suitable for you”, like she’s the epitome of class, etiquette and refinement and I’m just trash. Just another knife (insult) in the gut and enjoys twisting the knife back and forth. Fortunately I had her figured out at a very young age way before my parents divorced but unfortunately I had no where to go but now I’ve gone no contact and she will NEVER see me again, a horrible, vile, nasty person full of hate and venom.
@@anonymousbyname1121 Oh good Lord. The stories we have. Sorry I lol'd when you said "twisting it back and forth". I felt that.
Yuppp. No contact here as well. For 20+ years now (I'm in my 60s). Every now and then... she tries to get a monkey to fly... 🐒🎉
@@ginadellgrottaglia6897that’s really messed up! And your boobs are perfectly healthy and normal and just right for you! They were made and designed to nurture babies. How can one woman’s milk factories be better than another’s? They all make milk for feeding babies. ❤
They get a kick out of the damage they've done... Exactly inferiority complex drag you down to nothing if you let them in a nutshell
But they never win in the end. Healthy people distance themselves from these creeps.
No they don't....
Im currently working on a proposal for a new law to criminalize narcissist abuse.
Im including a subsection in the law related to marriage/civil union requirements. If either person has been diagnosed with BPD or narcissist, the bride and groom needs to receive professional counseling regarding the symptoms of the conditions to be granted the marriage license.
I agree with the healthy mind concept in the fact the healthy one wants love and has empathy etc etc, while the unhealthy wants power and control. I think it's not ideal to say that the one with love and empathy is unhealthy because they have to reprogram and adjust to a world where they have to be distrusting of people in order to stay safe.
Their gold is to stand on top of you and say, ‘I did it.”
Their goal is to stand on top of you and declare, “ I win! “
@linda
Yes. their goal is to dominate.
Ultimately, their goal is to ensure that you are as broken as they are-- so you will never leave them. Misery loves, and desperately needs, company. Enmeshment is their hope of salvation.
That's a great question. I suppose we want peace, and abuse is provoking a fight, against our peaceful mindset.
My mother has a severe case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She brainwashed me during the ages 3-8 when we're most open and dependent on our parents for guidance in how to do everything. Brainwashing, by definition means you don't know it happened to you or that you're under the influence. It was only decades later after my making dozens of major decisions that didn't serve me >>> "circumstantial evidence" that something is wrong in a major way.
So sad parents do this to their innocent children!
Same. 'Grooming' is also a good word for this.
I dont really agree that the empath had an unhealthy mind - annoys me that a lot of coaches have this mindset, it almost enables the abuser - they are pure evil, end of story. The empath has a heart, this gets broken and sometimes destroyed, that's why it works - lambs to the slaughter!
"An open mind can't be broken" I love that!
I was brought up by narcissistic people, so I was already broken before I went into any personal relationships. Then I kept thinking it was me.
Agree Kevin…they say you are only as healthy as the person you are with.
Great question! In this world I think a healthy mind does not mean an impervious mind. I think a healthy mind can discern that things are not 'feeling right' and eventually do the best to process the abuse, and move on...
Narsissts goal is to get validation by having another person comply with there every thought and action. Non compliance is an insult and seen as disrespect.
That was an excellent talk! Thank you!
The goal is control and domination.😢
These kinds of people are absolutely wicked. They love to see you sick, weak and will do anything to feel superior to you. It comes down to you having something they want and they will not let you live in peace until they have it. No contact and discarding THEM is the only way.
Mine had the flu. She threw a fit because I wanted to sleep at the office. I didn’t want to deal with the rage that’s how programmed she has me so I stupidly and thoughtlessly went to bed with somebody who hates me 99% of the time. I woke up sick. I believe this is what she wanted
I love this.... I disagree that our mind is empty at birth though, too many kids are born remembering their past lives (when raised in healthy safe families they remember)... but the traumas our parents and society put us thru does the damage.
All the rest, you are brilliant sir!! Keep spreading truth, Much gratitude 🙏.
I was going to say the goal was control...then you beat me to it....
Yes, I agree with you! Pandemic showed us all the break of people...
Thank you to the person that shared that question.
It’s been a really hard past five years, trying to figure out if I am broken.
God can restore you. Your certainly not alone. That narc was demonized. Satan used him to destroy you. Forgive this person but steer clear. Jesus has better for you. Carry on.
😢they only with you for narcissistic supply what they can get from you, money, support, comfort, emotional regulation, being their parent, the list is endless.They are in your life to get everything they want and need until you are blead dry.And when you finally walk away.they just find another
Or when you are weak or sick. They leave you for the wolves.
Psychologists describe an heathly mind by the acronyme "OCEAN" :
Openness
Conscientiousness
Extraversion
Agreeableness
(absence of) Neuroticism
Not in a caricatural way, indeed, but a high level for the first 4 and a low level of the last one.
The answer is...if one was "healthy," they wouldn't be broken. The reason why people suffer narcissist abuse is because the "empath" is completely unaware that their altruistic nature is unhealthy.
I told my ex after I left that, "a healthy Juana wouldn't ever entertain the abuse to begin with."
There's the way things ought to be, and there's the way things are. We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. I keep these two mottos in my back pocket always, and I adjust my life expectations accordingly. Make decisions accordingly, because sin is in the world and I have no choice but to deal with it. I don't believe for a minute that a newborn's mind is a blank slate. It's a fact they can hear and experience vibrational highs & lows going on outside the womb. I don't see narcissistic abuse as being able to "break" a healthy mind as much as I see it as just another manifestation of sin and a fallen world. A healthy mind will listen to gut instincts when something doesn't feel right. A healthy mind is curious. A healthy mind is always asking why. A healthy mind introspects. Thanks for this channel. The education & wisdom has been invaluable.
I agree that a healthy mind asks why. I spent 30 years asking why before I was shown the light. His reaction was: "you've changed". My reaction: "No, you changed me , I just found myself again.". He was shown the door.
To get their own needs met
Their goal is to serve themselves. They don't care what happens to us in the meantime.
The hardest pain is waking up out of the life and fantasy living
Open mindedness ❤️
Thank you Kevin for the great video 😊
Watching a movie called “Fixed “! Wow is this a painful movie to watch. A lot of my life is just being painfully honestly exposed. Ugh!!!! Narcissistic women and their obsession with control and I have lived through so much of this trauma!
supply
CONTROL YOU
Such a great question!
Degrade, destroy, crush the spirit.
A person has to understand that some people are irredeemable... because they are in fact evil...no matter how nice they portray themselves to be...
i think a narc's goal is to get their own way and control others so that they can continue to get their own way meanwhile protecting their ego/self concept from awareness of damage they do to others
I was a people pleaser..ignoring the promptings I was getting from within. God Saved me..Freed me and Healed me from the whole mess! 😊❤
Control and dominance
Makes so much sense now why my narcissist mother acts superior to me and my two young adult kids….because she feels inferior to all three of us! When they both were little kids, she only did her bs to me. Now that we are all adults, she tries it w all of us. They know how to handle her, probably because they weren’t raised by her. I’m still her main target tho and it actually makes me sick. It’s psychological warfare that I can’t imagine ever doing to one of my kids. I protect my kids at all costs even from this evil woman. So it’s truly hard to believe what she has done to me my entire life but flips the script and makes it seem like I am the one who has a problem. My problem is her! I’m just gonna continue to save and then go! I won’t live the second half of my life the same as the beginning!!!!!
Thank you Kevin.
I'm so glad I've found your channel. Do you have any tips for you how you can get out of survival mode/flight-response? I feel like I'm on edge 24/7 and nearly going crazy. It's so extremely exhausting.
You need to go " no contact" with everyone who is abusive. That's the first step.
Then continue dismantling the " lies" you have been told about yourself and this world. Watching Kevin's videos and others on Narc abuse will help immensely. It will validate the " Truth" while dismantling the " lies" you have been carrying around for your entire life.
In time, your anxiety, or what ever problems you have been suffering from will dissipate on their own.
It's a process. A painful one, but needs to be done.
Hope this helps.
P.S. I was continuously trying to " fix" my C-PTSD, my anxiety, depression, etc. It never worked.
By facing the TRUTH, that I'm not the problem, never have been, and digging deep within myself to confront how I have been lied to, the depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, etc.,is slowly dissipating from my system.
P.p.s. using relaxation techniques can help you navigate through your healing process. Meditation, yoga, gym, etc. I tried using these tools as a way out of my pain, never worked. Now I understand, they are simply tools to help you through the dismantling process and help you relax somewhat along the way.
I hear you! I’m working with an acupuncturist who is helping me reset my nervous system. The chronic stress is real. I also tried something called Life Vessel. It helped a lot.
Reverse the curse with prayer & courage 🤜🙏🕊️ 💔❤️🩹💗
One of the goals is to turn you into them....
This is Healing
This was so good ! Such a good video. It really helps me understand the abuser and abusee
Excellent video, Kevin, as always. Thank you!
Amazing question!
Bullies are real
n weak y they do it
Very well explained!
Thank You
Cool robe, Kevin
Thanks for sharing 🙏❤
My personal notes..
1:00
2:15
4:15
6:55
8:50
11:48
14:24
15:44
17:15
I am sorry to hear Thad you have suffered I know what it is to be lied too your all life ‼️ 18:22
This is exactly what happened to me in the church system. When I first got saved, I knew nothing, my newborn mind was totally unaware of how to live this Christian life -- it was open and ripe to be filled.
I didn't know there was such a thing as Christian music, I knew no Christian authors, I didn't know about church, or bible studies, or even that there were these people called "pastors".
A woman had given me the gospel and a bible, and that was the extent of it.
I was alone with my Bible and reading it for hours a day, and I was knowing it! And, I was falling in love with Christ through this Bible.
Then, my 2 siblings (whom I hadn't seen in years) came to see me. They brought Christian books, and Christian music, and told me I needed to go to church. And, not knowing any better (as babies don't) I did what they said.
And my life was messed-up for the next 30+ years!! Bad theology; morality-based preaching; secular worship; favortism; cliques; Narcissistic leaders; etc, etc, etc. I was constantly looking for the Christian church and Christian people I read about in the Bible. And, I would give them excuse after excuse and chance upon chance while I would doubt myself. And I got brutally hurt in the process.
So, as it is when you are a baby in the flesh -- so it is when you are a baby in the spirit: whatever is put in there shapes who you become.
Thankfully, we don't have to stay that way!
I left the church with some scars, but I am healing.
You're so right Kevin with everything.
Love the concept-haven’t heard it discussed before. Thankyou!
This makes sense! A very interesting video with a deep dive to answer a good question. Thank you!!
🙏💛
Thank you Kevin, you're so right about everything. You have helped me out with alot with watching your videos.
The goal of a narcissistic person is to create supply
Thats the very Truth when you have a open mind you wont be broken. Its always good to have a open mind.
Interesting, enjoy listening to you
The video to recommend is the 1944 movie Gaslight. It's where we get the terminology for how a Narcissists abuse skews your "healthy" reality thus making you feel crazy i.e. "Crazy making."
A mind that's open doesn't have any problem with letting go of beliefs
Exactly what you said!
Love you.
Question everything!
Another great video
That’s why I love it, when a narcissist “thinks” they’ve come across another opposing, unhea mind. Then become greatly disappointed and even hurt, by finding out they came across a healthy one. They are so reliant upon the idea that nothing will ever be done about them. That, instead, you’ll only perpetually help them, to continuously affect damage. But, sometimes, they’ll be greatly mistaken and that warm, smiling weak person, who they think is even fawning - will smash them like a bug.
I admit that I’ve also been lucky though. For the major narcissists in my life, although I’ve always looked for ways to mitigate their presence or get rid of them entirely, I basically went no contact and they later died. Although it may be too soon to tell, the most recent one is a relative, that I was about to live closer to, due to what I inherited and they’re younger so, with little help from the authorities and even suggestion from them to reconciliate, I wasn’t getting much traction. I did, however, get lucky and have information land in my lap, that may send them to jail, so I don’t even have to apply for a likely useless restraining order.
"Have an open mind" yes, but not so open that your brains fall out! I would say, rather, learn how to think for yourself.
Great video thanks ❤❤❤
It's because what you take in has an effect in you. Most abusive people know it takes a long time, sometimes years, to break people down. That whole time they were feeding them poison.
Because you didn't know your worth as a child. As an adult, that sometimes doesn't change.
Yes, it's all about their control over the person.
Love the cigar, Kevin. 😂
If I am too calm when she is angry, she will threaten to yell so loud the neighbors call the cops. And then presumably she would use the cops to throw me out. But since I don’t react she can’t work with that tactic. But she’s tried it many times. I think it worked with her exes. If you don’t kneel before her emotions she will have you thrown in jail.
Bingo 🎯
That's how both of my parents are. They are both Narcissists.
Same here
To find a supply for themselves
I watched my whole family be mentally destroyed by my narc father and all the while he has managed to convince us that hes some great guy yet hes not even kind. Im gonna be 34 this year and if i hadnt started searching for answers 9 years ago my sense of reality would be way worse. Its like gaslighting layered on gaslighting, wound upon wound until youre either completely enraged and unstable or shut down and insecure.
The goal is to take your soul change your perspective. Yep power and controll dominate
They do this to pets too. They are vile and they are not worthy to have pets if they do this to such innocent creatures.
These are a lot of feelings that I've had a lot in my life so I dont feel like myself as much.
100% control
Your blank slate philosophy is atheistic. None of my children came out of the womb blank. They are a soul and that soul comes out in their actions early. At birth they had awareness. The Lord's fingerprints were all over their minds, and He continues to lead them towards truth.
This is why my narcissistic mother in law hates me. She thinks I programmed them to reject her programming, but it is the Holy Spirit within them guarding their hearts.
The biggest mistake i made was moving in with my grandparents at the age of 5. My grandma groomed me to believe she was a safe person. And my grandad did it to feel a sense of superiority over my dad (who fought to not allow me to move in with them). My mom unfortunately, just wanted to get rid of me bc she had 2 other babies
It’s the smoking cigar for me! Lol
I think my problem was that my mind was too open and too trusting. I was gullible and believed the fake persona that they portrayed themselves as. When i started seeing through their bs I was already hooked in by the trauma bond. The trauma bond for me is the hardest part to break free from.
I also agree that my mind was not healthy when I got involved with these abusive people. The abuse perpetuated that making my mind even more unhealthy.
I'm healing now. The more I heal and grow a more healthy mind the less likely I am to tolerate abuse. That's what I'm discovering.
Very controlling..very mean..bullies
I'm hearing what you say and did not yet finished, meanwhile when typing I hear tou further what you say. And yes even this what you explain is why people ABUSE animals... people as in ALSO children base of mostly the parents pull the very young children away from starting JOY to meet a puppie!than after the kid pulled away from he kid FEEL the afraid(of the mother)but makes the connection with the innocent dog. And there is made the root of hatered towards animals/pets. 😭.
Have an open mind...💖
Smoking cigars is not very healthy for your body 🤭
At least he's not blowing the smoke in our faces...
Oh wait.
EDIT: Second time. Yeah, I'm out.
I agree and also I think it is disgusting. I don't actual watch the video, I will not accept the reason he has behind blowing cigar smoke at the camera. It just doesn't make sense.
@@maryfisher6569 It's show biz. The same for the chair, the smoking jacket, the scarf, etc. It's just about the optics to promote himself as all-wise and all-knowing to impressionable people, especially newcomers to the channel. I find his schtick entertaining. I don't take it seriously because he offsets it by delivering seriously valuable education, wisdom, and insight.
Reminds me of Rush Limbaugh -- I'm outta here. A thoughtful person might consider a viewer has quit smoking etc.
I've unsubbed but the comments brought me back, so I might as well say it:
I think some of these trauma grifters are narcissists themselves. Not all, of course, but... yeah. I struggled with it myself for years; my sibs are infected with it. It's likely a very common thing.
Blessings and discernment to all. 🌺
To dominate.
Control
So... maybe I can infer that doing the exact opposite of what a narcissist would do (such as having an open/non-broken mind as opposed to having a closed(rigid)/broken mind) is a method of self-care and self-preservation, not getting tangled up in the narcissist's attempt to override your mind in order to break it.
I have been no contact from the narc for 2 years . I am with a new partner now , and she is great!! I still struggle badly . I'm very open with my new partner about the abuse I suffered through the 21 year marriage with the narrcissist, but I catch myself in these weird self pity moods , and I give my new partner the silent treatment, and really don't want to communicate with anyone. All I want to do is isolate and feel sorry for myself. I recognize the problem, but how in the world do I get out of this? Does anyone else feel this way?
Wow! This was hard to watch! Smoking and talking.....not very Royal
Goal of Son in law is to convince me to stay away from his home, my Gchild & Daughter. Control.
🙌
Thank you for explaining this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon