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How to break narcissistic family systems with Jerry Wise
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- čas přidán 14. 08. 2024
- Narcissistic abuse is an undeniable crisis. Discover Healing, Empowerment, and Authentic Living...
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The Royal We has helped Millions to escape the grip of narcissistic abuse. Here’s a deeper look into what narcissistic abuse looks like and steps to heal from it:
Narcissistic abuse looks like:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often show little to no empathy for others, making it easy for them to manipulate and exploit. Narcissists use various tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, and devaluation to control and dominate their victims.
Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse:
Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their own reality and sanity.
Love Bombing: Showering the victim with excessive attention and affection to gain control.
Devaluation: Undermining the victim’s self-worth through criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Isolation: Cutting the victim off from their support systems to increase dependency on the abuser.
Triangulation: Using others to create jealousy or competition, keeping the victim feeling insecure.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
How to begin healing from narcissistic abuse:
Understand that you have been enduring narcissistic abuse. This awareness is the first step toward healing.
Get Help:
Work with The Royal We to get the tools to understand and process your experiences. Visit - www.jointheroyalwe.com
Establish No Contact or Low Contact:
Limit or completely cut off communication with the narcissistic abuser. This helps you gain emotional distance and begin your healing journey.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:
Engage in activities that boost your confidence and self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who value and respect you.
Educate Yourself:
Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge is empowering and can help you recognize patterns and avoid future toxic relationships.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices can all contribute to your recovery.
Set Boundaries:
Develop and maintain healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Connect with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Join The Royal We Support Group - theroyalwe.kar...
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Two of the earth’s best teachers on toxic dynamics. Thank you both!❤❤❤
Thank you for having me on The Royal We, I really enjoyed our dynamic conversation. I’m reading everyone’s comments here as well, thank you all for watching! I would absolutely love to do this again!
Thank you for the great advice Mr. Wise God bless you and your family 🙏🏻✝️❤️🇺🇸🌎
Thank you for being awesome Jerry! ❤
the cliche "let go" doesn't mean anything. It needs a qualifier. It's too broad, it could mean anything to anybody. "Hoping in justice" makes one miserable... ?? No way! I don't know if you agree with God but take a look at Micah 6:8
anger, resentment or bitterness is not pursuit (narcs are the ones who pursue and then when you share your experiences they flip the script and now you must be the one pursuing since you are sharing your story... aaaa.. not so! How they would love to control your speech, your voice, your talk, your words, your life. We were put on this earth to talk. ... these emotions are a state that says there is no harmony, and that is ok. We don't have to be in harmony with everyone. If two parties want harmony, then they would have to process and get rid of these emotions with good enough reasons for some sort of togetherness. There would have to be a good basis and good reasoning for this. But it is wise to choose where you want your harmony.
I just love watching every one of your programs and I just watched you on awesome awesome Dr. C. Please, dear Jerry, go on many peoples videos, because you are so so wise and every video I see your face pop up on Igo and watch it. You have such wisdom, and we thank you and you just have a way of explaining it. Please get together a lot a lot with Dr. C because we love love love him bunches and bunches and his doggy Gus.
From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
As a scapegoat child youre not supposed to succeed. When u succeed theres always a fight
And they will do everything to prevent you from succeeding.
yes, always hatred. They have a lot of hate and bitterness at the good of others. Stand strong. Do good anyway. And be successful. I am happy for you! God bless.
We can succeed , don't listen to what they say. Keep up the great work and do what's best for you.
No way, you “must be” subservient and lowly at all times to bring glory to the narcissists! Break free friend, you are not alone in the insanity! ❤
two of the wiser men who honestly speak the truth about narcs.
I finally got the place of NOT CARING and NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM ....its a good place
I’m just about there 🩷….it does feel so much cleaner, free and exciting…..finally let go of toxic npd sister 👺
They want to ‘take’ our joy and happiness, not to share in it . They don’t seem to know it is ‘given’ without strings. Nope they have to rob and steal it, squash it because it isn’t really theirs., and they don’t understand what healthy sharing is.
Love this collaboration! Jerry Wise has been a longstanding valuable resource for me. Love to see him here on the Royal We channel. You both have so much wisdom and wealth of information. Thank you!
Church is a "system" too that has become a business in some places. Don't forget about the "medical" system! Yes.... Please do a part two.... Much appreciated.
"Neutrality and detachment " Yes! Most of us need help breaking our chains after we go no contact. Thank you.
It's been years since the worst of my entanglement ended and I'm still struggling with trusting people when I'm able to block everything out like it never happened im at least able to be social and friendly with people!
You two have been a blessing for me. 5 years ago I didn't even know about narcissism and I grew up with the whole mess. At this point I am very happy with my life🙂. No contact was the best thing to do.
It really is
They hated, simply hated, us being happy or content. Instant enragement, guaranteed. Starting when a baby. Awful people.
Horrible people as my friend so aptly stated
Narcissism is everywhere. I wish I had this knowledge many years ago. I divorced a narc and then many years after I got into a relationship with a covert. I then realized several people around me including my mother is a Narc. Still can’t believe my eyes just opened to this. My circle is now shrinking and I just have to be ok with this. And yes they are still in my system.
A dynamic duo! These two are not playing when it comes to recovery from Narc Abuse! Round of applause to you both.
Very well said! 👏🏻
Both of you are the very best at unraveling the damage narcissistic "torture" can do to people. If possible, could you guys arrange to do these interactive interviews between you both at least once a month?? The chemistry you have is fantastic!!
That would be awesome 🎉
Woah - Kevin and Jerry Wise! Great stuff!
Reclaiming our authenticity, personal agency , and sovereignty is unacceptable to the narcissist
yeah. Let it be that way. The only difference is that they don't get to have a say in other people's lives anymore
Nice to see the both of you together! 🙏
Greetings from Sweden 🇸🇪
Two of my favs! 💖
But.. Just because you get away from them.. doesn’t mean you won’t walk straight into another narcissistic system, community, peer group.. that’s been my experience
In fact surely that’s the norm? Because narcissistic systems are everywhere.
Also if it’s been bad narcissistic abuse - you are probably majorly physically and financially depleted.
And that depletion is what makes you vulnerable to those new narcissistic systems, unless you manage to find some sort of protection.
Love the analogy ‘the moment they see you trying to build a castle..they’ll storm it’ wow.. ‘ghosts’ another excellent analogy
I agree. I have been caught up, over and over by the same type of systems and people. I'm beginning to think there are no people that aren't affected by this hideous way of being 😮
The Royal We × Jerry Wise = DREAM TEAM. Love this! Been following you both for some time and Kevin, got to give it to you for keeping the content fresh and sharing your personal style along the way .
Jerry, you didn't say: "Have a great day and be wise" 😂 I always wait for your warm smile while you are saying that. Love you both, Kevin and Jerry, please continue your talks ❤ Greetings from Poland!
Hahaha. It was Kevin's show so I thought I should respect his sign on and sign offs. But thanks. LOL
Demonic rage with a narcissistic husband is something I will NEVER forget. “Satan” literally beat me. I find it very hard to like anything. Obviously our “30” year system did NOT work😢
P.S. this marriage has ended!
@@Durhamcricket543glad you got out! Enjoy freedom
Kevin I had PTSD for 23 years from the narc. I just woke up last week.
The parents cant fill you with love.
Jerry, you made a valid point "you're still talking to them in your mind". THEY DON'T MATTER!
stop pursuing them! Pursue YOU!! Big statement!
Don't abandon YOU!
Seek peace and justice in yourself!.
Great Video. Jerry is to the point. I 💗 his perspective!
Hey Kevin, I just wanna let you know you are greatly appreciated. You’re doing really good work. Your videos really hit home and make a difference to me.
I’d love to hear about the experience of leaving one narcissistic system after another.. only to keep be repeatedly unable to find safe work-places, safe friend-groups, safe ways of making money.. and end up having to re-enter narcissistic systems simply to survive.
I am healing, but I will say that the “mean-time” how to survive in the meantime, usually means enduring more narcisstic abuse.
I’ve kept having to choose safety and healing from chronic illness, over financial fears.. I will admit I have survived doing that, much to my surprise. It involves forgetting about the future and just saying to myself ‘nothing matters more than my health and getting away from abuse, no matter the financial cost’ emm I answered some of my question there, but would definitely love to hear thoughts.
Great discussion, thank you both! Love 💖💖
Narcissism is not new . .but it was always around 5% of the population. What’s new is that it is now close to 50% of the population (IMHO).
God save us.
End times is nearly here..
@@kiddytube3915I agree. Mankind cannot survive long with the amount of evil that walks among us.
My mom to me I just want to just spend. Mom, my laminate flooring is 21 years old. You are 1400 miles away still trying to run my life. THEY gave us nothing but physical, verbal and phycological abuse. I had to cut them off. Too much of mess to re live.
AWESOME! Jerry Wise is wonderful!
The very topic I have been in need of. I will be enlisting a therapist to help me remove the narcissists from inside my head.
My justice is walking away and never speaking to them again and I can’t wait for it!
Wow, I think I went no contact with my family when I was 10. I still saw and heard them, I just didn’t get caught up in their drama, strings, or games. Though the family I grew up in was never about celebrating holidays or laying any guilt over us. Sadly it cost me my voice later in life if a narcissist slipped through a crack. It was always surprising and sickening how holidays made so much madness and fakers out of other family systems.
Excellent! Super insightful 💡
Please have Jerry on again and talk about individuating and overcoming learned helplessness after a lifetime of being infantilized and enabled by narcissistic parents.
Great vid. Jay Reid calls narc parents denying us the right to be happy "the fun police".
Two of my favourite people ... together!! Made my day! Love you both ♥♥
I was a scapegoat child, in the latter stages of life and just realising it and there is freedom
Love this..2 top therapists I respect ❤ ... 🔥
Two of my favs 💖
Thanks Kevin, The Royal We and Gerry! I think you both worked well together providing valuable ideas about family systems and healing. The last segment on justice is precious. Would love to see you both again exploring these topics!
Yes 😊Bring Jerry Wise back for more conversation. Many points tonight have opened my eyes. Thank you!
“You almost have to go for everything you’ve been told to go against” 🎯 you nailed it Kevin
Thank you Kevin and Jerry
Great advice 👍
Yes! This is going to be powerful. I’m a subscriber of both you and Dr. Wise. And I only subscribe to the best.
You are spot on about being cautious and feeling afraid. My mother has been dead a long time but my brother sometimes wants to put me back in that SG slot. I do put up my boundaries. I’m still afraid of dating again, flipping ridiculous!!!!!!!!! Having been raised by a narc mother, my attachment style is all screwed up so I find all of the narc men out there. It’s like I have a narc magnetic chip embedded in me. Ugh! At least now I can spot them and RUNNNN. But I’m exhausted from the vetting process.
They will never change. EMDR helped me get past all the anger and hurt. Thank you both!!!
EMDR was life changing for me as well.
Thanks for the tip!
“If you’re waiting for someone else to give you justice, you’re going to be the most miserable person on earth” … let go and begin to heal so you can live your best life and GIVE YOURSELF JUSTICE. Jerry spitting facts 🤘🏽 🔥
I have an aging mother that 3 sisters (including me) are taking care of. So I am honouring my father and mother to the best of my ability, but have learned with my sisters. No reaction. Take time to think and answer in a monotone manner. No emotions, they just love making you cry, angry on their behalf etc.... they are tiptoeing around me unsure of what has happened
The person or persons you hate, or you hold anger and bitterness toward hold the key that keep you entrapped within yourself. That's why forgiveness is so important. I was so angry with the narcissistic people in my life, I couldn't see how I attracted these people in my life. It was only after I started forgiving them the fog began to clear in my own consciousness in order for me to see the role I played in this. Then I was able to connect the dots. If you're not willing to take ownership in what was going on in your life, than your healing want come. I had daddy issues, low self-esteem, the need to please, so I over compensated. I didn't except my own self worth. I knew it was there, but I was afraid to be me because in my own twisted way of thinking it felt like I was some how hurting them. Whenever I tried to stand in my greatness, I got push back. "Why do you want so much out of life when we're comfortable with what life throws at us?" And I would think to myself, how do you become comfortable with a cheating husband. It wasn't until two years ago, I found out about narcissistic people. I didn't even know what kind of people I was dealing with. Thank God for people like Kevin who has dedicated their lives to educate people like me. Knowledge is power. My healing is still on going. I cut them all off. Nobody is worth you being sick and broke. Like so many others out there, I was afraid of being alone. When you're in narcissistic relationships you are alone. They are empty shells on the inside. They will never be able to feel anything for you but contempt. When a person hate themselves, they will never be able to feel anything for you. Who needs it?
Spot on. Being with a narcissist is the worse kind of loneliness.
It’s so hard , to pull away. I give my life to God, for Him to bring justice, to help me forgive and live my life for what He created me to be. It’s absolutely apart from my family of origin, I have my own thoughts and goals. Apart from them and into focusing on our Creator. Let God deal with them. Let go.
Change comes from within. 😉 End of story
I SURE DO LOOOOVE JERRY Wise!
I watch ALL his videos….. when I saw his face pop up on CZcams on your program, I knew I needed to watch this video. God bless you both.
FROM JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Awesome pairing.....great wisdom and advice!! Thank you both!
Emeshment systems feeling. Fake guilt. They are struggling and in pain and we are expected to respond accordingly. Thanks!!
This was SOOOOO great. I ‘Was’ the scapegoat child of a narc mother. Awful 17 years and have been in therapy my entire life. EMDR, Al-Anon, somatic breathing, and PTSD therapy was life changing but have to be acutely aware of shame and victimhood mentality.
Shame and victim hood mentalities attract the Narc big time!!
Thanks for this interesting conversation.
THIS IS TRUE.... WHEN ID GET A NEW ANYTHING' THIS NARC BABY DADDY WOULD BE SO BLAH" ABOUT THE WHOLE THING!!!! NOW I AINT GETTING ANYTHING UNTIL HES GONE!!!!!!! "GOD YOU HEAR MY CRY" THANK YOU SIR ROYAL WE AND SIR JERRY WISE... THIS IS SO HELPFUL🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁
Two brilliant speakers on NPD family systems. THANK YOU. I remember being told that one day seeing any of the three members of my NPD psychopathic dysfunctional family would no longer impact or affect me. I could not believe it. I was to work towards being so UNAFFECTED by seeing them on the street that it would be equal to seeing empty trash cans by the side of the road. I'm not there yet, but i'm getting to that place. Thank you gentlemen. You are immense.
I am finally learning that the battle is the Lord’s, the victory is mine. Mature no contact is not easy and quieting the monsters in my head is producing in me faith as my mind is being renewed. Alone, yes, but never lonely.
I pray for “my enemies” and bless them. Letting God heap coals of His firey love upon them. They are after all, His kids. He will discipline as needed. Leaves the focus on me and my eyes open to my own falling short. This has taken 72 years! 😅
I’m excited about all these collaborations I’m seeing lately. You guys. The Minimal Mom and Crappy Childhood Fairy. I guess it’s a small world after all. Lol.
Ya. It’s Bcuz it’s a parasite/host relationship. They’re in panic mode Bcuz they feel like they’re losing their host. It seems that the nature of the parasite is such tho. If we “split” they go back to dead nothingness. I also think for awhile it’s hard to shake the same dead nothingness we picked up from them. So I reckon to them its that the sick enmeshing (with them sucking our life force to live) IS life. And not having it to them is “death.” But as it were. Some things need to be allowed to die.
I wasn’t able to go full no contact forever but I did have to do temp no contact with some. But boundaries and low contact has been absolutely crucial for me. When I refused contact with one of the parents, I thought it would be forever tho. I wasn’t playing. Lol. But without them around for that season, I was able to get my balance. Gain strength. Learn and grow. So next time I saw them, I was so much more less affected and they just became more and more irrelevant. And mostly it was Bcuz in all my learning it finally clicked that they have no real power over me. So why would I now care if some crazy person hates me or whatever crap they think about me. I just don’t care anymore. Lol. (Sort of like oh here crazy comes again. Prepare for the stupidity lol). So when they call me a nobody I’m like whatever. Too late. I already found out I’m a SOMEBODY. And then you find out you never had anything when you had them anyways. It wasn’t ever real. So if you survived all this time with nothing (with them) then you can still survive without them. You finally realize that with them it was “plus zero” and you were the strong one always towing the line. You can’t really “lose” what you never really had anyways. Plus once you start to find your adult self, you don’t need their “teat” so much anymore. And you even find it kind of a gross thing. Such as I’m just too old for that. Time for me to feed myself now.
And true. Lol. Forgiving them really was just realizing that any control I thought I had over justice was not real. So I gave that to God who DOES have more control over something like that. Plus God can’t deal with them justly if we never let go anyways. We are “holding them” in limbo until we let go. When we keep them there like that, we in effect delay potential justice. I went around the mountain long enough to see a bit of justice for some, but by the time I heard about it, I already no longer cared so much and I wasn’t all that shocked about it either. Lol. Karma is a slow bus but we can make it even slower by not letting go and “handing them over to God.” (Of course there was a time for that so when that time came, it was just a natural progression for me. The cart can’t come before the horses).
And yah. It sounds like a very tidy story but that was actually about 10 years of my life to get from ground zero to here now. However long it takes. And I’m glad I kept going.
My two fav channels!! Smashed into one🎉
You guys are the best!
29:07 - 30:00 crushed me in a healing way…
my mom is very religious and used it to manipulate and control my emotions and thoughts through shame and many other aspects. But I didn’t want to go against my beliefs to grow. But I realize that I don’t have to.. just their beliefs they put on me.
I’ve been working through this for decades and this finally hit me hard. God loves me for me and my road is different than my parents and sisters.
Kevin and Jerry this is seriously enlightening. The hate leaves us stuck in the past. I don’t want to give them one more minute of MY life. I have worked on this through my relationship with God, praying for forgiveness to FREE me up.
Power team! Yes, can’t wait for the next one. ❤
Awesome
I never knew I still am keeping contact with my ex partner by telling friends of him how bad he was to me during my relationship with him! I will try to not let him matter anymore.
Their point is very good - get them out of your head. But to demand that of a client is also fraught with guilt and shaming. It takes a lot of time and help to let the good memories fade, after all, it was love on some level. We are all creatures of needing others. When it's an unhealthy other it's painful as hell, I know. But everyone just wants to love themselves now as a solution and end up very alone. Just take your time, cry and make new bonds, Don't blame yourself too much.
Wow Jerry Wise on Royal We this is great! Love the conversation!
So excited to listen to the two of you!!!
i like how yall mention emotional system which is deep
Great video, thank you 😊 YES MORE OF JERRY!!!
Yes like to see more of Jerry WISE he is isn't he?
Individuation ❤😊
This is such a good video
Great dialogue. Would have appreciated giving Jeremy more airtime.
Hate is a strong word. Would rather say I don't like them instead as like attracts like. I don't like what they've done to create the mess in my head but am grateful I can now see it all unfold.
Part two please!
Thank you for addressing this. This is/was happening to me however knowledge is POWER and I need this freedom for my own soul. ❤ thank you so much!! 👍🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
I work on standing on the promise of God REMEMBER see and receive
I love Jerry’s expressions.
The Lord God, Almighty does not slumber, and he says vengeance is mine, and there is always SOW TIM3 AND HARVEST. Just focus on the Lord God Almighty, and the healing we need to do because all that bitterness and anger inside of you will carry through any relationships. The Lord God will deal with people who do not change their hearts, and we also can pray that the Lord God will weaken them and touch their hearts.
God bless you all here .
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
I really like Jerry, and I’ve seen his videos before. Thank you for introducing him to your followers who grew up in dysfunctional families.
The most striking thing that really hits home for me is that we aren’t really no-contact when we ruminate. They still live in our heads.
I do not fit in anywhere now I know why, any big group there are problems.
Two of my favorites!!! Thank you.
Jerry aint half wise and the work from kev is gold standard thank you guys love being on the healing path with you both ❤
Such a fruitful conversation from two people I have such respect for!
Big fan of both of you! Thanks for getting together1
When i heard that, "you were always alone".
It hit hard and swift.
I can do this now.
I would love for you to have Kris Reece, or Shannon from Narc Free Living too. ❤
more from Jerry please, I have listened to him before and you Kevin, and this is all very useful. Thanks.
Thank you for the content 💯
I had to change my inner dialogue. I had to change my speech even. I had to watch my mouth. What word's am I putting out into the universe? When you began to focus your attention on you, you will find out you are enough. God created you in his image and likeness. Except you are Great. Than own it. The universe will respond to you in kind.
I am so thankful I found your channel 😢
Loving feedback… it’s hard to listen when people are talking over each other. Silent listening flows so much better.
Thank you my friend liking ur wonderful program love u my friend and thanksgiving and grateful for you
Wonderful dialogue with two amazing and authentic men. More please!!😊
Thank YOU BOTH .. I NEEDED THIS 🙌 I haven’t gone NC but, set up boundaries and if FEELS GREAT 🥰 I’m FINALLY becoming FREE of the Shame & Guilt of NEVER doing enough.
This is my MIL to her husband and the rest of us! Wow!!
I liked seeing both of you talking together. I watch both of you and have gotten help from both of you. I struggle with this topic. I’m the family scapegoat, have went no contact, but struggle with thoughts of family members and other relationships every day it seems. I would like to see you guys keep collaborating together.
YES! I want to see more of Jerry! He's great! Thanks for the video. It would also be so very helpful to perhaps add some scripture to the mix.
Such an excellent session with Gerry Wise. ❤
PROFOUND REVELATIONS - thank you both 🙏🏻❤️
Yes, wow what a brilliant guy, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone explain it with more insight and clarity, wish he was my therapist!
Would like to hear him speak more
Thank you Kevin and Jerry. Great information ✨