How to Individuate, Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- Narcissist: Abuser-savior, death-life, punitive-mother duality
Separation: silencing narcissist’s voice in your mind
What about individuation?
Once narcissist’s voice silenced, both abuser and savior, mother and child are gone.
Authentic voice is disembodied.
Embodying.
Individuation requires mind-body work: owning your voice also by connecting it to your body.
Reconstituting three lost functions: self-mothering (self-love), self-saving (agency), choosing and affirming life (negating depression, anxiety, catastrophizing, and ANTS)
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So much yapping about narcissism all over the internet, but NOBODY gives more accurate and effective solutions than you. It's like a whole different depth of understanding. Thank you so much for producing these gems.
He has the gift of experience
Unless you are an academic, you have no way of knowing if Sam is on the money.
Agree, great man speaks what exactly you need to recover. Thanks to Sam
So very true… it’s always so much clearer whenever I listen to Dr. Vakin
My favorite version of that is when it’s someone who clearly has BPD complaining that their partner exercising normal boundaries is a Narcissist…like…uhhmmm…don’t know how to begin here how to tell you this….lol, you’re not experiencing what you think you are, and in fact…it’s actually way worse 😂😂
6 months out after 30 years of marriage. I wake up every morning hearing his voice. 😢
Hang in there...shall hopefully become a whisper soon, and then hopefully just crickets one day 😊
Me too... But we can get past this to a better life. 🙏👍❤️
30 yrs married this year, 2 yrs ago he dumped me. But keeps love bombing me, then discarding me.
Can't divorce for 2 yrs, which is this Jan 30th!
Right on time! “The narcissist regresses you to a two year old” … that makes SO much sense in so many ways…thank you
Thank you for this. My Narcussist died 8 months ago. I kept hearing him in my head. It seems to be fading now.
😂 the narc died? Thank god. The world is now a little bit better
Yes to Somatic healing!!! 15 years being married to narcissist and his final discard has led me into Somatic therapy work. I am now working towards becoming a professional in the field of healing traumas via somatic therapy. 😊
i became authentic my self , they can copy paste my personality but they dont have essence like me
My husband and I met in high school and I would call him my Superman… because he was always saving me… I wish I could go back and save myself instead of learning how to do this now
I'm coming up to a year after my breakup with a narcissist. After 8 1/2 years together. This video is incredibly resonant for me. I have so much work to do, and I'm so tired and broken right now. But thank you, you've helped me begin my healing process.
Me 10 years
Me 18 years 😢
8 1/2 years for me too… even though so much inside me was screaming to bail the first year. Keep listening to that voice inside yourself- your own voice! It was drowned out by their noise but it was never silenced. It’s still there.
WE are still here.
20 years for me. Escaped 4 years ago. Hang in there, life gets better with no contact. My life is better than it’s ever been.
I pray your speeding healing. You can and will heal. 1 day at a time. You got this. Learn all you can.. Good luck. ❤
100% spot on and such an important step. I stopped watching your videos months ago as was going through this healing process, and listening to videos kept me a little stuck. It happened naturally as I listened to myself, and relied on myself, and no longer relied on CZcams to help me through it. It’s only in hindsight now I realise this is what I was doing. Contentment and the feeling of safety in myself is pure bliss now. Thank you so so much. Weird to say that CZcams saved my life, but it is very true. ❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
Me too! I found that stopping myself from watching helped because I began to know, understand , and accept what has been an awful “relationship” with my husband for 22years, and I was finally ready to accept and move on. Now it feels so freeing and lovely and I am so thankful :)
@@ohmoflife1 gosh 22 years. Crikey. Mine was 11 years. What a journey hey!! Is he now ex husband? 💕
Your comment and experience resonates deeply with my own.
Thank You, professor Vaknin. You have the best videos online. Healthy people do Not accept this duality. From the first sign of duality and evilness, he should be expelled. Unfortunately, to many good people fall for this deadly game. Kindness is often naivity and self destruction.
I'm just unable to find the right words to describe the importance of all the work you Professor are doing here. Thank you for all!
Wow, this was so interesting. The last part where you said, “Choose life” really struck a chord with me. I’ve said “I choose life” probably a million times in the last few months to myself. Instinctively I always felt that underneath all the cognitive muck there was this simple choice I had to make. Stay bound to the pillar of destruction or flounder my way into life. I know how the one ends, so might as well choose the other. This is about choosing real living, and connection to your body and soul in a deep, honest way. Once you can learn how to feel all those simple things we take for granted cognitively like empathy and kindness, and actually feel them for yourself, healing legitimately starts. It’s almost like they’re sent to force you to choose. They yank you right out of limbo and either drag you down to their world of emptiness or force you claw your way to higher ground if you choose life. The spiritual
element of their purpose is spooky.
Thank You so very much for you said here.
Paul Smit, wonderful! Thank you. Loved this part especially: "I know how the one ends, so might as well choose the other."
When the authentic voice sounds strange.... "Instinctively always felt underneath all the cognitive muck there was this simple choice" ... She was able to suppress my awareness of that instinct for 10 years. Anyone out there have that vibe or instinct? Don't ignore it! The heart always knows.
Wow..just wow..I left three weeks ago! I have to grow up at 70 years old..I'm overwhelmed by the truth.
Wow, perfectly said x
It was NOT HARD FOR ME. once I learned ABOUT NARCISSISTIC Personality I am forever learning more. Once I knew I fell in love with myself because of Narc mirroring me. And understood that Narc is INCAPABLE OF RAL LOVE AND EMPATHY. I BURID HI. and went straight into ❤ healing. Myself. I I’ll tell you this. I do believe This healing path will be for the rest of my life.
Its crazy my relationship was on distance with the Narcisist...but he was the one who helped me to heal my traumas with my Mother Narcisist
"And God said: Let there be light, and there was light " - Genesis 1:3
Amen!
Sam I love you, I hate you Sam, I love you Sam, I hate you Sam. Daughter of a narcissist here. I really appreciate your insight, it kills me to listen to it sometimes, I cry with remorse and shame, sometimes I get angry, other times I'm overwhelmed with feelings of acceptance and surrender. Being the daughter of a narcissist has been an incredible journey and a devastating journey rolled into one. I thank you very much for putting all of your information out there. Bless you Sam 🙏
Hi where you are from.
The contributions your brain has had on society and human behavior in general will be celebrated for generations
What a beautiful metaphor…go into the desert of your mind and make it flower with your essence! Thank you Sam 🙏🏼
No one explains the narcissistic experience better than professor Vaknin. It’s 8 years since I divorced my narc husband, and every word resonates so well. Self love and healing the inner child have helped to regain my life. I feel I have become me 🥰
Much gratitude 🙏
It's been a year, I force myself every day to look up and take a step forward. I look, feel and do better than I have the entire 12 years I was with him but it's been a serious aggressive and determined challenge to fight every day to get here this far.
Just 1% better today than yesterday. Thats all. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Small tiny progress steps. ❤❤
@@Brittaba 💝 Thanks Friend
14:28 ..titanic of your shared fantasy is sinking ..having hit the iceberg of abuse & reality..
👌 ah this..
Truly.shinning light. I never knew concepts so important. You are giving me a guide in the path of fiding my real self after a life time of abusive relationship and loss of identity. Thank you. ❤
Looking back, like a tug of war, I dropped the rope 8 years before he died. I separated mentally/emotionally/physically and was finally ready to leave when he got the cancer diagnosis. He tried to destroy me on his way out (with the news of his double life in another city) but came back for me to take care of him, (4 months of hospice), which I did. It’s been almost a year he’s gone now, and I’m still dealing with the betrayals and lies, after 32 years is almost too much, still so painful
@@wendydaniel1110 appreciate that 🙏
You’re free! His deception and revelations were his and now he is gone. Wishing you healing and some new found peace (life and in mind).
@@macnchessplz thank you for your kindness
Thank you, Sam! I am active in the process of individulization. Being myself definitely feels like foreign territory. It feels right because I am happier, but it still feels so uncomfortable, like I am doing something wrong. 😂 ... being able to understand why it feels so wrong helps out a lot with moving forward.
Individuation. You are welcome.
@Prof. Sam Vaknin I just emailed your Gmail account. I would appreciate your feedback, but I also understand that you are potentially too busy, and this possibly happens too much. Lol
Ah so love seeing your face. I appreciate your words of wisdom. You've literally have saved my life.
I am mother 77 years old with a narcissistic son and do not know how this will end,I want my life back.🦋💔🇸🇪
I am working hard to actualize and individuated, silence the introjects in my head. Thank Sam
Now I know what the biblical meaning of separate the wheat from the tare means .
Ive been praying for guidance and a “curriculum” for what to do … THANK YOU.
I am Jewish from Israel I have just been thrown away by the narcissist for about the twenty time
We have been together for a year
Today I have chest pain panic attacks
I am feel like I am losing my mind
I still love him and miss him so much and feel like it’s my fault and maybe I was the wrong one
In a year I have been beaten
Strangled hit in front of my daughters
Last week he told me he never loved me
He has blocked me every where
I always call him and beg him back
I have not called him this time for six days
But I am trying so hard not to contact him why is it so hard to stop loving him
Thank u for this, it's really helpful but on the other hand, sometimes it feels kinda hopeless :(
I've left the narcissist after forty years, but he haunts my thoughts. I feel like a ghost floating around. Thank you, thank you, thank you Professor Vaknin . This is the next step. I know it will not be easy, but it is better than where I've been. I'm ready to start bringing my true self into being. Thank you for this valuable information and help. You're helping so many people to heal from Narcissistic abuse. Much appreciation.
It blows my mind how you know my emotions..
My best unrequested teacher - Mr Narc - nothing but greatful to whatever brang this self realisation lesson to my doorstep - i can learn, grow, be life educated whilst keeping all my virtues, motals, he cant............A spitirual prospective = A psychology prospective= An academic prospective = A caring friend/family prospective any which way you look at it, self realisation prospective is all that really matters - WHO you really are is what I got from a life and day with Mr Narc - what happens to them & can they evolve or veil ever be lifted the question remains........
Yoga Nidra ❤extremely helpful for embodiment
Wow Sam! No one explained it to me in away that I was so so ABLE to move on and heal from the narcissist.
I’ve watched so many videos on CZcams but you are the only one who gave me so much clarity and understanding of the brain engineering of a narcissist that made me go woah I got it now.
You gave me answers to every question with so much depth. Thank you
Deep respect, so powerful 👍
You are by far the best, Prof. As I understand more why I was discarded, the fact that it wasn’t love, knowing more about her duality, the way she felt she was a goddess and so on, your words are a reality I’ve lived- the highs and lows. So, thank you again for being an integral part of my healing journey.
5 years of CZcams videos on this topic and this is my last one. Finally. Thank you Sam🙏
Brilliant. We need your world influence. You are incredibly brave and I wish I could be there with you. Well, I'm with you in a virtual way. I've travelled to Russia and Israel.
As a Canadian, I studied Political Science in Toronto, (had great and wise jewish professors), and years later I married (English husband died a couple of years ago). I moved to rural England (an hour north of London in 2004).
Filtering through people and separating the fake crowns from people with awareness has been challenging. I naively involved myself with a narcissist/psychopath (he used threat of violence, lying, gas lighting and blame shifting in the devaluation stage, etc).
Eventually I read about how this predator survives and ruins others. I am grateful for your information. I'm no longer bewildered or confused. I'm working on stopping his devaluation voice and thanks to you, it's working. I'm getting in touch with my mind and body.
I'm trying different group settings through Age UK , (for seniors), and finding it challenging. My perception of others and my lacking confidence with assertion will need your video, Know yourself and love yourself. Thank you
The silence is total.....even the messages to the "golden child"; chosen, special, unique ,like no other; called on by God himself as the holy vessel to transform the world . Messages that have never in 50 years come to fruition, so I'm exchanging my "golden child " for something considerably less lofty .
After 15y and 2y of living separate lives, his voice still lingers in my thoughts. Professor Vaknin, I am immensely grateful for your consistent brilliance. I have tuned into many of your presentations, which have been a tremendous source of support throughout my healing journey. Thank you once again.🕊️
You really are a punk rock overlord from space. And that’s a massive compliment
I love you Sam, thank you so so so much for everything!❤
Sam the more I follow you and study your work the more I realize that you are and continue to be a wonderful and fantastically critical anchor to so many, including me personally. Your work, efforts and depth of knowledge of psychology provides an invaluable blessing for countless others.. Please sir, continue to know that you are loved, admired and sorely depended on the world over and that your gifts will forever be recognized by the masses as ranking as high as any celebrated or renown other world celebrated peer or precursor in the field of psychology or human motivation and self help. You have and continue to be an oasis of help, encouragement, enlightenment and a blessing to this world. We hope, pray and wish you good health, strength and continued well being as you are and represent the personoa of a rare and much sought after treasure for so many around the world. Please keep being your remarkably uplifting and uniquely gifted/ talented and personable self.
I have to say that no body in English or Spanish , the most experienced in the web can not explain better or even same like you about narcissism
My gratitude to you professor Sam
This is so very painfully true
Have just written to Russian embassy.
Such a rampant condition… its all around us.. yet no solution or cure for it anywhere..!!😢
One of the best videos! Your videos really really helped me a lot. I just broke up in September last year and I must admit, the story brought me closer to myself. I can say, I'm a grown woman now and love myself, like I never did before. Keep on the good work!! 🙏🏼❤️
Out of all the videos I've watched, your was the most straight forward, realistic and practical. It is not easy, but doable. Thank you very much.
This was is great advice regardless of having endured narcissistic abuse or not.
Beautiful sharing - checking out your recommended videos as well. I've had years of healing/yoga/meditation/deeply looking within and have had such success....not much of that critique voice left, thankkkkfullly......but I super LOVE trying all angles of scorching every last one out of my system...hence why I'll be checking the other videos out.
Your take on this subject so interestingly reminds me of my deep esoteric self realization/yoga/spiritual scriptures innerstandings...I very much enjoy seeing how you actually connect these different pieces of the "puzzle" of life.
Dear Prof. Sam, thank you very much!
You’re saving my life.
Thank you, Dr. Vaknin for this video on healing from narcissistic abuse. I feel encouraged by this information, and knowing what the path to healing can be makes it easier to traverse.
So dire straight to the core for healing😊
Beautiful!!
Danku. Geeft diep inzicht in hoe je zelf graag te zien
en de processen van relaties en de impact op ons individuele en tegelijk de gemeenschappelijke
Samenhang van alle mogelijke en onmogelijke bewust en onbewust. Ik wordt weer gelukkig want dit is echte genezing, oprecht dankbaar voor het geven en delen aan de mensen
Good to see you sir
Thank you, Sam.
Thank you !
Thank you so much, Professor!
Thank you for saving my life! ❤
Thank you.
It feels like blank out. Thank you for this video! Your video popped up at the right time.
Thank you, dear Sam
That was so helpful. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much Dear Professor. ❤
Thank you sm. That is exactly what I need to do. Choosing life. And I need to stop calling him. Because even then he tells me YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN Life and tries to "help" me... Ridiculous, my abuser tries to help me... And then just minutes and hours after a deep talk he tells me STOP WRITING EMAILS I WON'T READ THEM. OTHER WOMAN HAD DONE THAT FOR ONE YEAR AND I EVEN WASN'T AWARE OF IT.
And boom he had me again. I was so furious him talking again about another woman praising him. I asked why he did tell me that... He just answered MAYBE I DO IT SUBCONSCIOUSLY BUT IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE. I EVEN DON'T REALIZE IT. and that's a lie... I told him in the beginning that he always talks about other women and I don't like it. He does know very well. I really have to work through the process of individuation otherwise it will kill me. I have been so addicted to the pain of being with him because I thought he saved me. But he didn't. It's all lies. It's all a game. And his voice is still in my head. And also very loud. And I keep coming back to him. Just to feel the dosis of pain again. It has to stop. I have to see him for what he is. But as you said it's intermittent reinforcement that keeps me going. Hoping to get some of the motherhood again. It has to stop!!
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
Im here listening again!!!! Thank you So much Mr Sam
This was really good. Thank you.
I really just love you, Sam.
You have helped so many people, including myself.
I hope you realise that. I also hope that sharing your knowledge brings you inner peace, also.
Much love and respect to you, sir, all the way from Perth, Western Australia
Thank you Prof Vaknin
Prof Sam Vaknin thank you again for another of many of your truly inspirational videos. You are a true diamond and you have such a wonderful gift.
I can't even imagine how it feels to have other voices inside. I only have one / my voice.
You are wrong.
@@anaesterhazy631 All introjects feel like you. Watch the videos on this channel, search for "voices", "introjects".
Thank you thank you...your words are life saving 🙏
Thank you Sam. Very well said and on point. I wished I came across your info 5 years ago. It is a roller coaster ride to healing yourself but it can be done. Finding my individuality took some work but after that metaphoric door was removed the rest seemed easier. Self love and having good personal boundaries is priceless.
Just say from once living a life of anxiousness and fear to now living a life of no fear with self awareness , self love and healthy boundaries I feel alive , free , and happy. Living in the now and always moving forward.
I will check out the links . Information is the power of healing. Thank you
Thank you so much for being willing to help us.
Thank you for all your insights and great help!
Wow. This is just perfect. Thank you, so much.
Thanks so much!
Learning with your videos!
Got it!,thanks, the concept was/ has been inside my head, that there was a big mental hurrdle that I was struggling to overcome. but having it vocalised by an outside person gives one more of a breath to take in that it is actually real.
Thank you, professor. This is so amazing and beautifully said.
Nice advice Professor. Thank you
Thank you Prof. Vaknin for this roadmap I need so much of.
Thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻💐💐💐
Thank youuuuuu SO much!
The last few minutes made me wake up 👏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for your passionate teachings and help. God bless you.
Gracias profesor
A genuine heart-felt thank you. This was a missing peice of the puzzle in my mind. It gives me a peice of solid ground to build on.
thank you, Sam, it's your combination of skepticism and poetic zest that make your videos so uniquely effective.
Gracias, saludos de Sonora, México
thank you so much for these videos I have watched so many of yours. you are a amazing scholar ! your mastery of language is remarkable to say the least... these videos have helped me understand so much of the phycological transitions of my life... I will take my life back! thank you for being you!
My story exactly. He’s moving on to a new rescue 🛟 younger with kids. I’m rebuilding my life without him, using your process from the videos. What a wake up to realize that my 23 years of marriage was a fantasy story in his head. 😔 It’s time for a new beginning 😎.
Wow!
Very well put and articulated.
Like you are mirroring what im going through in my healing jiurney in beautiful words.
Thanks for your work ❤
Now I understand why therapy did not work with me. Mental prison!
Professor, you are a saviour. This knowledge is golden 💗 thank you for your generous help and support🙏🙇♀️🌷
No one on the Internet has such an accurate description of the process and especially the healing. There is a validation in hearing the words especially after so much gaslighting. I feel hopeful for myself ready to “choose life”
No more outsourcing for me.
❤Many thanks Dr.Vaknin❤ been learning amazing things from you since 2016 and will continue to absorb your work. Thank you, sir. So much.