"9 Years With A Struggling Sex Life"
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- čas přidán 4. 01. 2024
- "9 Years With Struggling Sex Life...
I know it is tough, but you aren't entitled to always understand. "Answers" aren't always going to be black and white. Sometimes answers aren't even "answers" Take the time to hear the story, but more important listen for the person behind the story.
Check out the full 45 minute conversation where @beleafmel & @mrsmelanin take time wrestle through answering this submitted question.
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I love how he was able to bring insight into how hard it is to be a stay at home parent. So many men think it is easy until they have to take care of the children and the house themselves. Then they see the struggle, but why couldn’t they see how hard the woman was working before? Why do they need to actually be in that position before they can acknowledge their wives’ hard work?
Because they are selfish cunt
Because you cannot understand what it's like being a parent without actually having to parent!
Pregnancy and birth are difficult and impact your body forever. Until my husband got a vasectomy, I was terrified of getting pregnant every time we had sex. Layer on top of that her husband’s clear lack of understanding or even wanting to understand her discomfort with sex. She needs compassion, kindness, and he needs the snip.
That's crazy.🤦🏿♂️
She needs to communicate with her partner like an adult
Although your marriage hasn't been perfect, I love the way you 2 are committed to your family, relationship and marriage. Remain steadfast.
Beautiful family with a crack in the foundation. She should have immediately gone to therapy 9 years ago. When a person feels pressured to do something they are not emotionally ready for, it creates a trauma. If a trauma is ongoing, it becomes ptsd. She could have symptoms related to ptsd and what might have been acute and resolved at the time now becomes a chronic issue, so she develops symptoms of cptsd. Communicate. Seek therapy. Be honest about your needs. Set boundaries until you heal. Praying for them.
Thats rough... Too rough. Wow.
It honestly sounds like she doesn't have orgasms with him but doesnt want to hurt his feelings. She knows sex is usually one of the main needs / priorities for a man and gives herself to him to keep the relationship together because she loves him.
That’s rough what could be happening after so much child birth and her body going through so many abrupt hormonal changes she probably needed more vitamins and minerals as well as counseling b/c she has been physically and mentally and emotionally depleted. Most of the time your regular doctor won’t always suggest that. She needed to make sure she was taken care of in order to fully be there. I wonder if she ever explained and her husband just disregarded her needs.
she is not being honest…with him or herself. yes he should not have insisted she have sex so soon after birth but what about the other 8 years? She didn’t enforce her boundaries and she is not communicating. You have to honor your bodies needs first, not your husband's needs. When you are in a healthy place physically and emotionally then you can attend to his needs. she needs individual therapy. this is not a couples therapy thing…she has issues with communications and boundaries. eventually couples therapy would be good but she has to work on herself.
Perhaps the fear that he lacks self-control and would seek it elsewhere if she didn't appease him. We hear that all the time.
@@doristhecoder765 yeah I can understand that…but thats an issue with him and I don’t think a wife should betray her own bodies boundaries because the husband has no self control. I couldn’t not stay married to a man like that and I think many women should ask themselves if it's fair to herself to stay with a guy like that who has no self control. we deserve better and we deserve fidelity. It all has to do with self respect.
@@hyrunnisa997 💯
Being able to walk in someone else’s shoes for a season gives you perspective ands empathy
Such a beautiful sentiment
I love the union you two (plus) work within your marriage, family, and within yourselves. Keep up the growth process.🙏🏿💜🙏🏿💯
Dam 9 YEARSSSSSSSS😳 man o man GOD rain down on me that's 9 years SHIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Thank you for this
Wow. Yes!!!!!!!!! I love you guys and this evolution of your content is essential. God is doing some things and you will be the forefront of change for families. Thank you for listening to Gods voice and direction even when you don’t understand or can’t see. He is taking you on a journey that is life changing.
Bar‼️.. Or should I say message‼️
he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken. In that day they will say, “Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the Lord, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”
Isaiah 25:8-9 NIV
For those that are yet to be born again, I encourage you to surrender your totality to Jesus. Please do so today, for there is no salvation in the grave! Accept Him today as your Lord, Savior and Redeemer. He really loves you and cares for you. Confess all your sins and forsake them. Pray for the grace to live holy and righteously for Jesus. Jesus loves you with an everlasting love and He is with you always. Please don’t turn away from Him. Amen 🙏🏾
I clicked because I wish I had the knee capability to sit like Mama.❤😁
If its gone on for 9 years, at some point, she needs to look inward. I mean, is the husband supposed to have just sat and waited for 9 years? She clearly has an issue that extends just beyond an issue of communication. Couples counseling and/or some form of therapy seems to be in order.
The issue tends to prolong itself when the desire isn't there but you're forcing yourself for the sake of your partner (as she mentioned). You sacrafice moving yourself even further from the desire, in an effort to not make your partner feel undesirable or due to concerns of not being a good wife, partially because of comments like "whats he supposed to do wait around for 9 years". Its the fact that she is chosing to nurture him over hereelf that it ends up lasting 9 years and beyond. It takes a physical and emotional toll that's hard to recover from. Couples therapy is definitely the answer but the male ego is fragile (not judgement, just fact) and a good wife will often sacrafice her own happiness and opportunity to heal, to try to spare her partner that pain/frustration/shame that comes with working through it. Its an incredibly challenging position to be in. -Spoken from experience.
@@sjb4280👏🏻🙌🏻Well said my friend right now I’m going through a similar situation myself it’s pretty recent tho my baby still a newborn it’s just though 😅
I don't think it would have lasted that long had her spouse took the time and effort to figure out why she felt that way. Sometimes "asking why" is not enough. Maybe she needed to talk through her feelings. Feel heard. Feel seen. For nine years he was basically willing to use her as a sex doll KNOWING she wasn't into it. Probably got mad she wasn't into it but then desres come first apparently. 🙄
I agree but at the same time in the email she says that he says he doesn’t understand and she didn’t have the language to describe. Sounds like they’ve talked about it, but like the first comment said, she also doesn’t understand herself and so how can she explain it to him. To say he used her as a sex doll is a bit of an assumption. It really does sound like this is something they have to look deeper into with professional help because she also doesn’t understand the situation.
@@sjb4280 based on what? The therapist she didn't see, counseling she hasn't sought or are you assuming this knowledge about this situation?
Dayumm
Wow! It sounds like her husband is not sensitive to how his wife feels. They could benefit from some marriage counseling. 🙏🏾❤️
He wasn’t waiting she was just performing her marital obligations
The woman says she doesn't know how to explain the problem and this is a segment about the man? How? That makes no sense. Go in front of a judge and not be able to explain, go in front of your boss and not be able to explain, go in front of any authority and not be able to explain and guess what it's not the authority's problem.
Sounds like she loves him but doesn’t like him. But I’m just making assumptions on the internet.
That’s is what you do…. Sometimes the man don’t want to either but we do it because we are in a relationship and it’s not just about “me” all the time, I have a partner that I need to also take care of, ladies get your mind right,You have sex when your partner wants thsts how our grandparents stayed together… granny never said no no matter how she felt….. my wife now of 6 years has never told me no not even once ever in our entire relationship, I get it everytime I want whenever I want!!
BIRTH CONTROL....wth if the baby and trials of pregnancy made you feel someway .....birth control because your partner has needs just like you do ....just my perspective
It goes both ways, and then when he goes off and finds a woman n cheats, how will that conversation go? She would blame him for everything and why🤷🏿
It definitely is your perspective. Needs can be met in other ways. Nobody is owed sex. Y’all make the shit so transactional 😂
@@pleasegetajob no I didn't make it transactional I made it realistic....sex is important in a relationship but it's NOT the relationship,,and after 9 years I'm sure he feels unwanted or shes not attracted to him anymore..
@@PeopleTheseDays373 was that a response for me ?
@@gullahgal2239sex or lack of sexual intimacy is the top 2 or 3 reasons for divorce!! No regulalr man is getting married and thinkkng its ok to not have sex when both sides are healthy and able, you guys dont understand what effect that would have until you find out he's cheating and ready to move on, or has one on the way. Always 2 sides to a story but there will only be one outcome, and i can promise you, it aint good!
I’m leaving after nine years. So that with some other dude.
Yes, it’s probably best that the wife does leave.
I feel bad for her husband. She’s been feeling like this for 9yrs, how long should her husband wait.
if only it was that simple. It is even simpler when you aren't in the same position
@@leevihemmings707duh! But this is one sided, she has a man who seemingly is still highly attracted to his wife after 5 children. She herself needs therapy and possibly needs to enter couples therapy. After 9 years of being in a mindset and not having the language for it, is unfortunate for the partner.
@exploretheewebb2193 unclear why you state -'duh' in '24 as an adult. That being said, hope this couple seeks and finds the help they need in order for their relationship to move forward and flourish.
@@leevihemmings707 ahh yes, how could I forget, words have expiration dates.
@@exploretheewebb2193 Hope this year brings you all you desire. Remain positive and stay hydrated ✌🏾
It’s not the most creative excuse but it worked.
9 years. Nice work lady.
She is not obligated to do anything she does not genuinely want to do anymore.
But husbands are also not obligated to wait.
Sex is the glue that keeps marriages together.
The bricks a r big and hard and make up 90% of the structure.
Good luck building a lasting relationship with a man without any mortar, and without him looking like and feeling like a complete fool.
Just divorce him already, take his money and set him free.
Your hormones, and Oprah Winfrey books and need for attention are no license to leave other people who wanted you sexlessness and miserable.
You don’t want him sexually anymore, and probably never did. You wanted the baby and that’s it. Fathers and husbands are superfluous, etc.
You already resent him for wanting something from you that you don’t want to even offer.
Grow up. Grab your balls and let him go.