How To Have A Difficult Conversation | Mel Robbins
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- čas přidán 1. 06. 2024
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Having a difficult or uncomfortable conversation sucks. It just does. BUT that doesn’t mean you should avoid them. In fact, that’s exactly what you SHOULDN’T do.
I use these 4 techniques whenever I’m going to have a difficult conversation to help me stay focused instead of getting hijacked by my emotions.
TRY THIS:
1️⃣ I always start the conversation by acknowledging my responsibility.
2️⃣ Define the outcome or goal you have for this conversation.
3️⃣ Do A LOT of listening and validating the other person’s feelings.
4️⃣ Restate the outcome.
Bonus tip: try rehearsing the conversation with a friend to work out the kinks and get comfortable with what you’re going to say.
These techniques will help you build your confidence and improve the chances that you reach your desired outcome.
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1. Acknowledge responsibility
2. Define the outcome
3. Listen & validate
4. Restate the outcome
Thanks dear
Ty
1. Acknowledge my responsibility right up front.
2. Have a goal for this conversation. What outcome do I desire?
3. Listen and validate the other person.
4. Restate the outcome that I desire.
i hope those tips will help me coming out to my parents
I hope so too! Best to you ♥️
Hey Inasse wishing you well and visualise the out come you want
Wishing you all the best. I just hope it's safe for you to do so. Be strong no matter what.
You can do it - how they react is on them. Good luck 👍
Hope it goes well! No matter what, be there for yourself :)
I take jabs until the person notices I’m upset and then have a full blow out and feel great every time but this is the most mature way to handle it.
If videos could be framed, this one would have to hang in my office.
Excellent comment!!👏👏👏👏❤
@@deannaspringer5340 Thank you very much!
Brilliant, difficult conversations will happen from time to time but understanding how to make them most productive is a valuable skill
*You have a dream.*
*You chase it.*
*You fall.*
*You learn.*
*You get better.*
*You keep marching on.*
*And so it goes.*
If you saw this comment, I believe in you. I wish you the best. 🖤
Who else thinks about Mel’s rule of 5 seconds when you don’t what to get up from the bed? ✋😅
But I get up when I want to, I’m 71, I am so tired
@@cheryljune1603 ok…
Me!
Which rule of 5 seconds?
1. Acknowledge your responsibility for what happened
2. Keep the outcome in mind: before you go to that conversation, think of the outcome. During the conversation, keep going back to the outcome, because if you get emotional or angry or the other person does, the only thing that will keep the conversation going is the outcome you put in your mind.
3. Listen and validate, with expressions like: ahh now i get it why you did that! What you're going through must be tough! Validating will prevent the other person from being defensive and will put them at ease.
4. Finally, restate your outcome. Make sure you reached it.
The one problem is there is an assumption that the goal is a positive one for both people. This os a step where the goal needs to be reciewed. Problem goals that people may feel are healthy goals are 1) to make the other see what it feels like for me 2) to point out how the other person is wrong is at at fault ... and so on. This can be a bad communication trap from the outset if thevl goal is note intended for BOTH parties to win and feel better. So we do need to review and check out goal first.
I've got so many difficult conversations I need to have. This will really help
Great advice. You look fantastic in this video calm, content, organized, energized, confident and of course pretty🌸💐
@@christianpulisic7784 F*** off this isnt where you go to pick women up!! LOL
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
@@jerrypeter6478 F***OFF looser!
Although this was a short video, you made A LOT of really great points!!! I subscribed & liked immediately!
*Most great accomplishments were achieved by the people, who at first had no idea what they were doing.*
Keep going my friend. I am cheering for you. 🙂🖤
Thank you. I like youuu
@@girlonfire8405 🙏🙏🙏
I've just advanced to a low level management position and this video sounds like a great instrument towards dealing with future hiccups with my coworkers.
I need to respond to a difficult conversation today. This is perfect to touch up on this morning! Thank you Mel. 🖤🤗
how it went? did you used this technique?
This is timely advice for me, so thank you, thank you. And while I'm here...Mel, you look terrific !
Mel, this was AMAZING. No long intro, right into the subject matter. Concise content. Asking for support AFTER you've delivered the goods. MASTERFULLY DONE
Loved it and thank you.
As someone who is autistic and very emotion driven I found this to be quite helpful, especially the part about listening to and validating the other party involved.
Loved and needed this Thank Mel! love you 🥰
Mel, I just wanted to say thank you for this. I need to have a really difficult conversation this week and have been suffering from horrendous anxiety about it. This video has helped to really put things into perspective about the whole thing. Keep up your amazing work! I appreciate you so much ❤
Loved this ❤thank you
Brilliant stuff, Mel. Thank you! 🙏❤️
I so love this. I appreciate your brave and vulnerable teachings. :)
I happen to be the recipient of needing a difficult conversation today. I’ve known for two weeks and my anxiety has made me sick.
Mel you always come through at the perfect time - much needed! Thank you so much! ❤
Love you Mel!!
Great advice, thanks Mel
Nice! Short snd concise message.
Thanks for sharing
It just came in time
excellent !!! I love all your advices! thanks a lot Mel!
Thank you for this awesome video
Mel, thank you, thank you, thank you, I loved this.
I’ve gotta say a huge thanks for this video. Such simple advice but so helpful. Had a conversation this evening I was absolutely dreading to the pit of my stomach and stuck to these tips and got through it. Thank you!!!
Amazing practical steps. 👏
Excellent pointers❤❤
Great advice.
Hi Mel. Thank God I find your channel. I needed this guide to deal with one emotional situation I’m facing at the moment. I’m following your channel for almost an year and it helped me a lot. Greatings from Portugal 🇵🇹
Thanks this is simple and really helpfull
Thanks Mel, hi from Turkey. we love you a lot
This was really sound advice! As well as extremely timely in my current life situation. SO i always appreciate your material. Nice to see people who share their wisdom and you always do it when i'm getting up which always helps sets the mood for the day. Thank you :D:D:D
Thank you Mel for this amazing video. All of it makes perfect sense. I have felt reluctant before with some tough conversations to validate their feelings because (to be fully honest) that might seem weak like "giving up power" or stepping back from some higher ground that I feel I entitled to. I have not always known what I want to see changed after a blowout. I wanted to be heard and validated during or after a tough conversation, but that is not a true goal. The biggest challenge I have with interpersonal tough conversations sometime is knowing what I want to have changed after the conversation. My stall point seems to be knowing what I deep down actually want other than a stop to some behaviour. So, I avoid some tough conversations. I know what I don't want, which gave me a red flag and a feeling of frustration, but I have not fully learned what I want long term as a goal from a new change in behaviour. Asking someone to "stop doing something" needs to also have a matching request for a new behaviour to replace a previously bad habit. Please reply if this makes sense. Thanks Mel
This is an extremely helpful, simple, precise video. I will listen again and again. Thank you for your wisdom.
Great advice ❤
Great advice
That was great thanks lovely. Smart girl and see the lawyer there very helpful.
Thanks Mel. My job involves lots of difficult conversations and I sometimes procrastinate. I'm going to try these techniques 👍
Thank you.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😃. This was sooo good! I’m sending this to my kids👍🏼
This is good, and helps it's simple. The end would be more powerful I think if the strong request for subscribers felt more rounded. I'm imaging it's both so we don't miss great content, but also to help you grow you business which I think you personally enjoy, as well and probably for a lesser reason, the money and availability of resources to do what you love. I hope that helps, because for me, I felt less inclined to search for more of your content, and I love the whole "5,4,3,2,1 go!" content you made. Superb!
This lighting, the setting, your makeup, the presentation - is one of your very best on-camera looks and presentations.
This is great lighting for you.
I also like the maroon color for you. It anchors you, similar to how black would...but is slightly softer and compliments your skintone and eye color very well.
You have some great videos - I watch your videos several times a week.
Thank you for the work that you are doing.
I appreciate your advice!
You are doing a great job!
This video coming up the day after my best friend quit her job at my company via text- thank you.
Much needed for me for tomorrow
Thanks again, from Cali Colombia. S.A
This is very helpful. I need to have a very difficult conversation with my adult daughter. I need to get very organized with my thoughts before this happens, so thank you so much for these guidelines.
These are such powerful techniques. I love the bonus one especially. I believe we don't take time to rehearse having a difficult conversation when it can actually help us with the live thing! Thanks for sharing, always inspired by you Mel!
THANK YOU! This is something that should be taught in school at an early age. I needed to see this, unfortunately I quit a job due to avoiding a difficult conversation with my boss. I’ve struggled with this issue with many people. I feel a bit more confident using these tools.
Perfect message for me today on the day of my estranged daughters graduation.
Thanks for reaffirming my mindset that will be needed today💐🙏😊👍
Thank you Mel, this is truly an amazing video! Not only did I learn through your words, insight and knowledge, but I also discovered how calm I was watching it because of your calm energy in how you delivered it. Then it clicked inside me that not only did I learn these 4 techniques, but also the importance of staying in that calm/balanced energy to keep that conversation moving forward in a positive, productive and effective way to reach the best outcome possible.
Excellent information when talking with parent of child and their childs behavioral development (toddler). Thank you.
Amazing !
Thank you 🤩🤩❤️❤️
I like your videos much better without ANY background music. I find it distracting.
Agree
I love that your a good person your a really wonderful soul ❤🐎🐎🐎🐎
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
EXCELLENT
I have to do a difficult conversation with the Dean of my University, she is not answering emails, that way I am feeling she is avoiding me. I was a subject of discrimination, harassment, and bullying. She promised to help me, but months without the outcome. My scholarship could be at risk and she has been defending who caused me discrimination, an important professor that provides donations. So that conversation will be though, you made me feel more comfortable. Thank you Mel, Love you a lot and everything you do!
I’m really anxious, about to converse with my friend to see if we can work things out
A few months later, if you feel like sharing how did it go friend ?
im about to do the same thing and i am really anxious and scared that she won't wanna talk to me 😞
Great Idea's Mel, maybe you could do one on being on the receiving end of a difficult conversation, how to deal with bad news ...
I love these techniques. They are on point, and very effective.
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
I will try my best
awesome!!!
Good tips 👏👏 Thanks!
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
Awesome. Thankyou so much. From Puerto Rico Elis.
Hello Eli’s👋
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
that was very helpful. thanks =).
i've been avoiding asking or mention the new boyfriend of my best friend. Because we've been friends for about one year, shes great. Since our first day going out, we talk all the time, every day and we do almost everything together. She understands my jealousy and i tried going out we both together. But i still feel like shes been taken. I know this sounds noone sense. But i am working on it. She desserves de best e hes really great. But i feel another thing, guilty and shame, for feel this way. Now the voice in my head keeps saying that i am not good enough to be around them. Anyway i am working on this e been talking to her, to help me get out of this feeling.
❤❤ valedate, just like double check for what you done. Or coworkers done. This is my experience in oils and gas field
YES!!! Amazing what validation does! Also amazing how many people do NOT validate your position or feelings. Very rare when actually its simple respect. Thank YOU!!!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰💯💥💥💥
Good morning
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
This is perfect timing. Im going to have one on monday with a staff member!
I hear you girl. All those office issues.
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
We are not anger, we are not sad.
We may be having a feeling of anger or a feeling of sadness.
Never say I'm angry or I'm sad. Words are very important Don't own them.
Just accept the feeling of anger or the feeling of sadness.
I needed to hear this.
💥💥🍾💥🍾💥
Think of the outcome meanwhile taking
Tnx,in right time 😘
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
Yes . Agree. Putting other person at ease. Making the other person feel heard.
Jeanetta Johnson,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺 dear
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
Good stuff
This is pretty good advice. The problem is most of the time, people don't deserve validation.
Yikes.
GREAT advice! Are there any videos that show examples of how to do this?
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
Parece solo util para tratar un problema como una conversacion de negocios
Good
How to make a habit of doing boring things... Plzzz make a video on this.... My first request!!!!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Mel, thank you for sharing. You really are changing the way I am handling and living my life. I've always had trouble containing my emotions when speaking with anyone who has pissed me off, or when I need to discuss a difficult situation or event. I will try these steps with hope it will keep me calmer and my heart rate lower when I'm dealing with a difficult situation.
B Hermann,You look cute 🌹🌹 dear
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
@@jerrypeter6478 okay calm down lol
Holy shit this video looks amazing
where's the part where you call them out for their behaviour as well? Is that in the discussing outcome part?
Thank you, i really love that u put the video on with the theme i struggle with... Can u please gimme a hint (i know u already did) but please how to say the neighbour to not shut the door so noisely. She does it every Day almost all day, except when she is not at work. But im at home as i work from home, and its irritating me. The neighbour is actualy the owner of this house where i live. Thank you, God Bless u Mel and every one 🙏💞💜💚🌞
Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind
@@jerrypeter6478 😁🙏🌞🍀
Beautiful nice to meet a beautiful lady like you,where are you from
@@jerrypeter6478 from europe and u
Wow that is nice,I am from fort Bragg north Carolina,nice to meet you
#alwayssmilenepal
Lots Of Love From Nepal
5 sec Rule fAV LIKE
Great video! The subscription button for your newsletter on your website takes me to a page that says it doesn't exist. Have you stopped sending out a newsletter?
Can you give examples please.
im having an issue bringing up a convo with my boyfriend, his overprotectiveness has turned to control and i dont know how to tell him that its bothering me without hurting him. i dont even know if he realizes what hes doing
I don't think the outcom is always needed i had good conversations on a other level than someone else and the different emotions and difficulties involved in this gives me also a feeling of growing but more in a human behaviour knowledge 🤔
But how do you validate someone who's an alcoholic, who enjoys drinking, doesn't want to give it up, even though they have been in hospital one too many times and it's dostroying their health and their relationships?
The brain creates patterns when behaviour is rewarded and they are especially strong with addiction. The addiction provides a chemical reward, and our brains work in the here and now -(right now this drink gives me pleasure) and often doesn't consider the consequences no matter how obvious they may be. Think about what their drinking is giving them: a short term buzz, a short term escape from their problems, entertainment and a distraction from boredom, etc. Maybe validate the need for the drink.
The issue with this approach is getting what you are after could take longer than this single discussion. By stuffing everything in this one discussion, you inadvertently ignore that this is a person as complex as the universe. What if you changed your goal to really understanding? You could be completely wrong.